ACHP 603 World's Smallest Penis Looses His Record
Episode Summary
Episode 603 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast opens with hosts Mike "BDP" Palmer, Mike Szczepankewicz, and engineer Phil McGuffey reacting to a shout-out from Dave Garofalo on The Cigar Authority's after show, where the Two Guys crew did the math on how long it would take ACHP's five-episodes-a-week schedule to catch their 1,200-episode catalog. The crew runs (and repeatedly botches) the math themselves, reads listener comments — including praise for Skip Martin's RoMa Craft interview on Creekside and notes on Wisconsin squeaky cheese — and swaps stories from their recent Nicaragua factory trip, including a cushion-stealing "cheat code" at the RoMa Craft factory and a driver getting pulled over between Estelí and Managua.
The non-cigar segment covers Starbucks' 2026 pumpkin spice and iced banana bread chai launch, a chai-vs-tea tangent, the man who lost the "world's smallest penis" record after a girth-filler procedure, and the Miss North Carolina USA defamation lawsuit after Brittany Boltenhouse was stripped of her 2026 title over resurfaced social posts — with the hosts arguing over intent, cancel culture, and whether she has a case.
Cigar news leads with Honduran president Nasry Asfura announcing a Honduran cigar festival for January 2027, timed around Nicaragua's Puro Sabor so attendees can cross the border, plus plans for a new roller training school in Danlí — with the hosts recalling the short-lived Humo Jaguar festival and comparing it to Festival del Habano and ProCigar. The centerpiece is a long, pointed critique of the Arturo Fuente Opus X Resilient, the 25th-anniversary 9/11 tribute box shipping this week: a 20-count box (16 Churchills plus four fully box-pressed, American-flag-wrapped cigars arranged to evoke the Twin Towers) at $535 MSRP with just $11 per box donated to Tunnel to Towers. The crew argues the donation should be $100 or more, questions whether the boxes are leftover 250th-anniversary stock, and ties it into a broader gripe about Fuente's handling of the Cameroon wrapper shortage and Short Story backorders.
The show closes with "What's the Score?", guessing Brooks Whittington's Halfwheel redux review of the Black Label Trading Company / Black Works Studio Tigersaurus — a barber-pole Connecticut Broadleaf and Pennsylvania Broadleaf 5.5 x 48 that scored 91, up two points from its original 89. Palmer also plugs his upcoming appearance on the Smokin' Oak Podcast in Tampa.
In This Episode
- 01Cigar Authority Shout-Out and Episode-Count MathThe crew responds to Dave Garofalo mentioning ACHP's five-a-week schedule and tries to calculate how long it'll take to pass 1,200 episodes.
- 02Listener Comments and Nicaragua Trip StoriesComments about Skip Martin's Creekside interview, Wisconsin cheese, factory cushions, and a $40 traffic stop between Estelí and Managua.
- 03Pumpkin Spice Season and Chai ConfusionStarbucks' 2026 fall menu, the new iced banana bread chai, and a running argument over what chai actually tastes like.
- 04World's Smallest Penis Record LostMichael Phillips' dermal filler procedure improved function and cost him the record, prompting the episode title.
- 05Miss North Carolina USA Defamation LawsuitBrittany Boltenhouse sues pageant organizers after being stripped of her 2026 title over resurfaced posts, and the hosts weigh whether she has a case.
- 06Honduras Announces a Cigar Festival for January 2027President Nasry Asfura's new festival would run just before Puro Sabor, plus a new roller training school in Danlí.
- 07Opus X Resilient: A 9/11 Cigar and an $11 DonationA detailed breakdown and critique of Arturo Fuente's $535 Resilient box, its flag-wrapped pressed cigars, and the small Tunnel to Towers donation.
- 08Fuente Cameroon Shortage and Short Story BackordersPalmer vents about being brushed off on wrapper supply questions while Short Stories sit on backorder for two months.
- 09What's the Score: Black Works Studio Tigersaurus ReduxGuessing Brooks Whittington's Halfwheel redux score for the barber-pole Tigersaurus, which climbed from 89 to 91.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
And now, here we go. I don't know where to look. Here we go. Welcome to a Cigar Hustler Podcast, premium cigars, unfiltered opinions, and conversations with no boundaries.
P. Palmer, not a master blender. Yeah. No, that's a shirt yesterday.
Joined by my co-host Mike Szczepankewicz, a master blender. Oh, yeah. No, you're not either. And in engineering, Phil McGuffey, who announces his new one-man show, "Watch Me Shake It," are you shaking it?
- "Watch Me Shake It," let's go. - "Watch Me Shake It," you shake it twice, you're playing with it. - Oh. - Announces his new one-man show, "Watch Me Shake It," if I do it twice, I'm playing with it.
From cigars, sports, and business, to pop culture, and the wildest headlines, if it's worth discussing, we're talking about it. No scripts, no safe spaces, just real perspectives, big laughs, and chaos at any moment. Settle in and welcome to a Cigar Hustlers podcast. I'm not sure what happened.
I might be the only one here. Pause! No, keep going. You're fine.
This is where I go to you. No, you don't. Not yet. Go ahead.
Catching up from yesterday. The man with the smallest penis loses his record. Oh, he's in trouble. Pumpkin spice season is about to begin.
Yay! Willie showed us that. Miss North Carolina drops a heart in. Uh-oh.
I mean, he does it on every episode. Yeah, but I'm not Miss America or Miss North Carolina. Then in cigars, another festival, a new cigar and a shipping notification. Okay.
All the stories yesterday we didn't get to. Excellent. But first, we were mentioned last night. Oh, we're getting right into that.
This is where I put it. Oh, okay. We were mentioned on the Two Guys After Show last night. The Cigar Authority?
The Cigar Authority, Cigar After Show. Oh. So, I have it right here. All right.
Oh, please play it for us. I'm going to play it for us. I can't wait. Right.
Cigar information, you know. Yeah. Quite frequently. Well, it's learning still.
Mm-hmm. You know, we've been learning for many, many years. It's been learning for-- It told me Postana was made at Aladino. Oh.
Ah. " That isn't. Yeah. And Nika Swain.
Yeah. Speaking of those guys, that's Cigar Hustlers podcast. Yes. They're doing five episodes a week.
We do two. We are. We do the regular Cigar Authority now and the after show. So we got two going.
So does Cigar Pulpit, they do two a week. And now Cigar Hustlers says we're going to do five. When do they catch us? Oh, I haven't looked.
So it would be three extra a year, so that's 150 or so a year extra, because we do a couple here and there, extra on top of it. So say they do 150 extra in eight years or something, but we're going to continue to do them, but in eight years or so, I think they can catch us. I think their math is off. You think they can keep it going for eight years?
No. I mean, it's the thing. I think they've been doing seven or eight already. Seven or eight years?
I believe. Not five days a week. No. No.
Certainly not. So maybe they just start that this year or so. End of last year, Dave, but that's okay. They've got about 507.
All right, they have about 507. They've got about 603 as of now. It's an oddly specific amount for it, about. I mean, let's call it 500.
Right. Let's call it 700. There's 700 behind us. Yep.
They're making up three per week. 150 a year, 153, it's going to take them four more years? That they might be able to do. In four more years, they're going to catch us.
Is that information going to keep you up at night? We're not going to stop our two. I see what you did there. Yeah, four more years of five days a week with no listeners.
I'm just kidding. Apparently they listen. Apparently you're a big fan, Dave. He's not a big fan, Dave.
He said the sound on your video wasn't good. Hey, don't you attack me. It's all fixed now. Come on, I'm just seeing.
It's gonna be good. That's it. We listened. We heard it.
Maybe you could, you know, send him a message. And it's not the sound on the video on the show. No, no. " Let me do a quick video.
Yeah, and there's no... Okay, I guess that was the end of where they talked about us. That was awesome. Still, yeah, that was very nice of them to give us a little shout-out.
Let me see here. Let me get... Their north math is off. They're a little...
Listen, they're older, so they can't count as well. Right, the abacus only goes so far. We would literally catch up in a year. So what episode are they at?
Let's see here. 1,200. They said they've done 1,200 episodes. We've done 1,200 of these?
We've done 1,200 of these. He's not over, but I went around. Oh, it doesn't say it. Well, then we would catch up in two years.
It doesn't say it. They could be saying 1,200. Yeah, and only do like 75. It could be a lot.
And with all the commercials, do you cut those out and then cut it down to less shows? So aggressive. Will you be nice? I love Dave.
I love Dave. I'm happy he listens. If you want, I will give a special shout out to Dave Garofalo every day because if you say Skip Martin, he has to watch the show because he lets Claude look and see. Oh, really?
Yeah. Yeah, because Skip Martin. Right. Well, he listens to us.
And Romo Craft Tobac. So they're allegedly at 1,200? Yes. What does it say?
Is that 11? So, realistically, if... I don't... We would have to double our...
That's our number. We would catch them in two years, fellas. How long does it take us to do 600 shows? We would catch them in two years?
Yeah, because there's, what, 225 working days? So we do it five days a week, right? And multiply that by three extra ones, because it's three a week, so multiply by three. Okay.
I don't know where he's going with this. I don't know. That doesn't work that way. I don't know why he's doing that.
There's 225 working days. We let the guy with the horn do that. And we're going to multiply that by three. Okay, maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe? Maybe.
If there's 52 weeks in a year, when we do... 365 days, leap year, there's 360. And we did five episodes a week, and we did two episodes a week, you can do three minus two. And divide by a thousand.
And three times 52 would be slightly above 150. Oh, okay. So that's 150 shows, but are they at 1,200? I don't know, that's what they claim.
Can we look? - Can we look? - Oh, it says Cigar Authority has 1,200 episodes, the after show. - Oh.
- Okay. - Okay. - Who said that? - So yeah, that's four years.
- That's the title of the episode. - Oh. - That's four years. - In four years we catch them?
- Yeah. - Probably 63. - In four years we catch them. - How old's Garofalo?
- But their number keeps going up too, though. - Yeah, so we're gaining three per week. - Oh, not that we will beat at 1,200. - Or we will be at whatever number they will be at in three years.
- Correct. - Ah, I gotcha, I'm following them. - Right? - Right.
- So are we signing contracts now, or? - Yeah, I'm gonna use this as negotiation. - Should we prank call 'em on the day of? - Oh, yeah.
- Hey. - So sign it on your calendar. - Today's the day. - Today's the day, guys.
- We have officially. - We now have more episodes. - We have now taken over the episodes. - Maybe we should wait 'til we pass them.
- In the episode war, the day of? Yeah. Just, you know, guys, you're at $1,257. This is $1,258 for us.
Yeah, we do $260 a year on average. Yeah. Last question. Is your refrigerator running?
So, we have Prince Albert in a can. So, we got $156 a year. And we're about, we're slightly, we're about $400 away, right? Is, is Richard there?
We're $600 away. Richard Pulmite. Yes, yes. He likes to be called Dick.
Wow. Mr. Pull My Dick? Are you here, sir?
Wow. Is there a Yankamaya? Well, I just want to know, it's slightly under four years. Oh, great.
I have no plans between now and then. Let's start doing two a day and cut it down. If I die beforehand... I think the odds are on me.
Well, I know I'm going to carry on without you. Well, I mean, I don't know what the show's gonna be like. I mean, the odds are I'm gonna die. It's not gonna, it probably, you know, we're gonna go, we're gonna pivot.
Right, sure, go to sports. Yeah. But... Cigar Hustler Sports Show.
Cigar Hustler with Mike and Preston. If I have an untimely... Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're just cutting me out. Yeah, what about Phil?
Nobody talks about him normally anyway, so, you know. If you see the logo, it's just us on the picture. When you, when you pass away, Palmer, I slide right in. You're moving to my chair?
I don't think you're moving to the chair. There. I put Keanu there. Yeah, Keanu wears a mask.
No. Keanu doesn't wear a mask. Keanu goes right there. I have to give him like $3 a show.
$3? Yeah. What the hell? That's more than what we get.
That's what I'm saying. How does he get paid? He's got to get paid a premium. You know?
All we got was these coughed-on cigars. Quite great. Exactly. He ran into 75 cigars he never smoked.
I love that he said, you know, nobody listens or whatever, and he's right, that we have, yeah, nobody listens, there's like three people, why don't you read the comments from the 17 people, bless you, thank you, oh god, we're all sick, now he's sick too, and he just wiped it out of the chair, your brother tried to pass something at dinner the last night, and I'm like, I'm not touching that now, you just, for the last 15 minutes, I'm not touching whatever that is, he goes, oh, I'm sorry, you're right, like, so that's yours, eat that. I don't want the bread. All right, moving on, Mikey, tell us how to get some of that CHPod swag, and what are the non-listeners saying about the show? Ooh, the double.
Like and subscribe, wherever you're only listening to this show. We went for the double. The double. Ba-bam.
Ba-bam. com for all your CHPod swag. com, a Cigar Hustlers podcast. You alright?
I don't know. I'm probably about to have a stroke. Oh. It's been a long couple weeks.
Well, moving, sliding right in that chair. Wow. Just waiting on somebody. Wow.
That's so hurtful. I'm trying to, I don't want my phone to get yelled at. I'm trying to find where I connected to the board. There it is.
Doo doo doo doo doo. You wanna get that? Yeah. You wanna get that?
You wanna do the show? What are you doing? You good over there? Sorry, honey, he's gonna beat me again.
I'm gonna beat me again. Let me get off. I gotta go. I gotta go, honey.
I'm sorry. I hope you're fine. Alright, go ahead and finish. I'm gonna have Brittany start calling me every day on this show.
Could you? I'm gonna text her. Can you call me? It is 12.
So she called at 11 or she hasn't called yet? She's already called this morning, technically. Okay. And I got yelled at.
" You wanna know what she said? I will delete your hours. She does have that power. She does have that power.
I will remove you from the payroll. So. All right, the comments. Comment.
com, Us, Cigars, Podcast. We appreciate all the support. We have some good intel in these upcoming shows. Did you drop the first one already or no?
We just played the video. No. The Patreon one. Oh, yeah, the first one up yesterday.
Okay, yeah, yeah, perfect. Do we have an idea for a new shirt yet? Yeah. Yes.
Oh, okay. Why? I was thinking like a comic book shirt would be cool, like with all three of us. He wants to be on a shirt.
I just, dude, you don't, listen, if you're going on a shirt, it's gonna be a unicorn, you're riding a unicorn, wearing the unicorn mask. As long as I have muscles. I don't have muscles. You're not going to have muscles.
Just that one. I'll do, but I won't do you a disservice. I won't, you know. You are doing a disservice.
There's no muscles right there. I'll make you, I'll give you a. I don't know why people watch. It's just like for us.
I'll give you a decent frame. But I think a comic book shirt would be cool with like cigars. Yeah. I'll get right on that.
Like a ping, ping, pow. Yeah, you got it buddy. Ping, ping, pow. Slide right in.
Yeah. Good. Slide to the right. Yeah, that could be a good Halloween shirt.
Our Graves and him saying slide right in. Right. He's carrying the chair. At Lance Frazier 4748 says, "BDP looks tired.
That's cool to go hang out with Skip. I saw the interview he had with Creekside. Was impressed. " yeah man um i haven't finished the the creek side yet still yeah i listened to a little over half of it oh it's really good it is it was a really good show i will say this though when they switched rooms yes they really did skip a disservice on the camera angle oh i like i said i only did the audio i didn't see the video yeah it's not as good not as good Yeah, because it was like a come-up shot.
Right. Made him look heavier? Yeah. Yeah, you know, I thought that.
Then when I saw him in person, I'm like, well, he's the same size. Yeah, it wasn't good. Yeah, he's not bigger. Yeah.
From a clip, I saw a clip. Yeah. I only watch the clips. Like everybody else.
I'm waiting for when Dave walks out of the interview and somebody else fills in. That's where I'm at. Oh, gotcha. I haven't gotten that far yet.
" Hustlerville, that's nice, I like Hustlerville. Hustlerville? Yeah, that's the title of the comic book. Head on down to Hustlerville.
Hustlerville. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Mike, you can even wear like a Superman cape? I'm good.
He thought he had you there. You can wear a cape. You want a dog with a cape? I'm alright.
" 26383 also said, speaking of Cigar Authority, they mentioned ACHP on their last show, on how you guys were doing five shows a week, and how long did they catch up, 1200? That's who I got the information from. Thank you very much. Thank you, sir, I appreciate that.
" Well, it's a little different. It's a totally different cheese. It's a totally different cheese. Yeah.
It doesn't even look like cheese. Look at the look on Palmer's face of, like, the distraught, like, we took him back to the cheese, and you could see. I didn't like the cheese. Well, I could never figure out what kind of cheese they were serving.
They didn't want to tell you. Well, they're not, yeah, you're never gonna know. 'Cause, like, I got a sandwich that said it had mozzarella on it, but it was orange. I'm like, this is not mozzarella cheese.
Yeah, and there's no dairy cows. It looks like that. There's no dairy cows. Sure, they're all tied up on the side of the road, and they eat the little circle of grass.
Those aren't dairy cows. No, those are just cows. That's what you ate on top of the Mercedes-Benz. Lee's Benz.
Oh. Yeah, I had a rib eye that night. Yep. Hmm.
@DavidHasselhoffman says, "Sounds like a great time. " Didn't you read that already? Thanks for the tip. No.
I'll have to bring a cushion with. Yeah, bring a cushion. Bring a cushion. Oh, go ahead.
No, you go ahead. What's funny is, actually, Palmer, you know, I had a little chico. So, Palmer, you know, I had a little cheat code inside of the factory. Yeah.
So, did you know that the workers all have cushions? Not all of them, but I did see some of them, but I wouldn't get to steal their cushions. Oh, I took it every night. I put it back.
Oh, at night. Yeah, I guess I could have at night. That was like my little cheat code. Ah.
Life hack? Yeah. Steal the cushion of the hard workers? Yeah.
Right. Well, it was funny because Skip was-- Okay, well, they can afford a new cushion. Skip saw the cushion and he's like, where'd you get that cushion from? I was like, well, from one of the chairs.
He goes, man, we got to get one of these for everybody. And I'm like, yeah, for all the chairs. He doesn't know they have cushions? They can't Amazon that?
Like, what's going on with what we're doing? No. There is a guy in San Wendell, sir, who, Amazon stuff. Does he?
Yeah. I think he's like the local guy, like, I need a new speaker for my car. Oh, he's the guy. Yeah.
He is like, he's the guy. He's the Amazon guy. Yeah. Like, you make a request.
Right. He goes and gets it. Right. Uptown Ritchie.
Don't ask no questions. Uptown Ritchie. Uptown Ritchie. Uptown Ritchie.
Uptown Ritchie, yeah. Uptown Ritchie. @SmokingBanger says, "Our driver got pulled over for speeding while we were driving back from Esteli to Managua. " Choose Waze.
I mean, we had Waze on. It tells you where the cops are. Yeah. Just like it does here.
You just slow down. - Yeah, well, I mean, you got off easy for 40 bucks. - Yeah, no kidding. - Because if not, they take your driver's license, it's miserable.
- Right. - These are all comments on the YouTube, none on the lounge. - Maybe it's not working? - I have to fix that.
No, I'm looking on the lounge. - Oh. - If you wanna hear your comment read aloud on this show, comment below on this YouTube page, this video, this episode, Or in the lounge, which eventually will have its own pinned social area for conversation. I haven't heard T-Money in a while.
Is everything okay? Yeah, he's all right. He's been sharing Instagram stuff. All right, let's get on with the show.
Oh, we're moving on. Okay, it's now pumpkin spice season. Starbucks' new pumpkin and banana. There's no banana drinks this year.
Launched this week. Oh, Willie's happy. Willie likes pumpkin spice? Yeah, Willie Morante.
Willie Marante. Do you guys like the pumpkin spice? I do, but I'm not like... I want to try the banana, though.
You know what? He loves bananas, though. I like banana flavor stuff. Except popsicles.
You know, you do kind of sound like the Minions. What? The Minions. I know what you're talking about.
My voice is deeper than that. Banana. Banana. See?
On August 25th, which is actually today, I believe it's today. Okay. With new drinks like the Ice Pumpkin Cream Shaken Espresso. I don't think I'd like to go up and order that, though.
No? I like the Pumpkin Cream Shaken, not Stirred, please. Mmm. Call me a banana.
Banana Mike. Pumpkin Cream Shaken. Espresso. Espresso.
Yes. And Iced Banana Bread Chai. Chai's those seeds, right? Mmm.
Can I get it without the chai? I don't like the seeds. Chai Tea? What is chai?
Okay, I've heard of chai tea, obviously. Yeah. But I don't want tea. I want coffee.
It's not coffee. - Can I get banana bread coffee? - You're telling me the story, I'm not telling you the story. - We're discussing it, I just have highlights, this is the way you wanted to do it, now we're just working it back and forth.
- Do you see how defensive he gets? - I'm not getting defensive. - Do you see how angry I have to do it? - I'm not getting defensive.
Well, after 10 years of being your friend, sometimes it rubs off. - I can't help it. - Of what? - Of what?
- Your angriness. It's like a disease. - My angriness is usually justified. - So is mine.
You asked me to do the show this way, I'm doing it this way, now you're like, I want more information. That's not what I said. I just said, that's not what I said. Yes, you did.
Good for you. Lucky for us, it's recorded. I believe I said- That's what you meant. I'm paraphrasing.
I don't have that information. So you said- I want more information. Same thing. No.
It's the way it hurt my head. Yeah, I get it. See, that's the problem. It's what you hear in your head.
I can't believe you. You can't believe me? So I think that- So have you had chai tea before? Yeah.
What's the difference between that and regular tea? It tastes different. The chai seeds. No.
Chia seeds. No. You can grow it like a plant on your head. Yes.
Oh, nice. The chai tea, it tastes like, I don't even know how to explain it. It tastes like chai. Oh.
Great. It tastes very chai-y. Oh. Chai-chai-chai-chai-chai.
The banana bread's a new highlighted flavor this season. Returning favorites include... What's the difference in flavor from chai tea and regular tea? Pumpkin Spice Latte & Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew.
Chai tea has a bold, spicy profile due to the inclusion of cardamom, cinnamon, clove, and sometimes ginger. Regular tea is appreciated for the natural flavors of the tea leaves. None of that stuff I like. It's good.
I like ginger. Chai tea? Yeah, I know, he's your friend. I know.
We're having a show, we have to talk. We have to talk. Yeah. I was gonna go a whole different reference than when he said I like ginger and I was thinking dead inside me and all this other stuff.
Oh. Then I walked it back in my head. Oh. Yeah.
Make sure you tell my therapist that when I leave here today. You don't have a therapist. You don't know. He probably does.
Think about it. You think he does? Every day after the show, he goes, that would be the time to go. You have a therapist.
They make me wear a mask. They make gay jokes about my lifestyle. Do you lay down on the couch? No, on my bed.
On your bed? You Zoom? She comes to your room? Well, yeah, it's like a teledoc then.
I got a thing for you, that's not a doctor, she's coming to your room. Even if you make her wear a lab coat. I don't have the Robert Kraft experience. So you Zoom, right?
Yeah, it's like a teledoc. And is it like, can they see you? No. You don't show the video?
No. Why is he saying it like that? I don't know. It sounds dirty.
All right. So you lay down and you talk to somebody? That looks like I'm dead. Do they ask you what you're wearing?
This may not be a doctor either. No. So you lay down? Yes.
And you talk to somebody? Yes. Okay. Have you ever fallen asleep when you're talking to this person?
No. Never? It's only like a couple of minutes. It's only a couple minutes?
Yeah. What do you unpack in like two minutes? He talks fast. Well, it's an hour show.
There's not a lot we abuse him with. You unpack a lot? Have you guys ever done the teledoctor thing, other than his imaginary psychiatrist visits? No, I know that Brittany has, I think, but I don't.
My wife has. It's weird. It's a joke. Well, I mean, we technically do with our personal doctor.
I mean, it's the same thing sometimes. Hey, this is going on. Let me see it. It's not the same thing.
It's kind of the same thing. By the way, I'm having this bad boy. Can't see it, it's glary. It'll zoom.
Don't worry. It's glary. It's all glared. I wonder what that is.
Nobody knows. La Estancia. Beg your pardon? La Estancia.
Oh. Everybody knows what this is. Pumpkin spice to you, too. It's perfectly burning.
Once again. Oh, look at that. Oh, look at that. Yeah.
We just got a 90, somebody reviewed it, I don't remember who it was. Oh, yeah? That's good. Right.
All right, I guess we're going to move on, this is not working well, just so you know the way you want. I think it's working great. Cold Brew Pumpkin Creamy. We're talking about Cold Brew Pumpkin Spice, and now we know he has a video therapist, you and I don't talk to people when we're sick online, and you're smoking this, and he's smoking that.
This is great. Are you excited about the Cold Brew, Mikey? Yeah, I'll try the Pumpkin one. Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew?
I don't like the pumpkin stuff. Yeah? Yeah, not a fan. Why not?
But I want to try the banana, if they have a banana-flavored coffee. It's one-flavored confi. Banana. You should be a minion for Halloween.
I don't dress up for Halloween. You've dressed up before. We dressed up last year. Yeah, when I was a kid.
No, no, no. We dressed up last year. Oh, for the show, you mean? Yeah.
Oh. I still have a... Still have the... Still have the Deadpool?
Yeah, for years ago, we bought that. Two years ago? Well, my wife has a costume bin for school. Yeah?
It's in there. You should be a minion this year. Yeah. I'll go as Groot.
Okay. You know who Groot is? I don't know Grudy. Yeah, he's a minion.
Of course he knows who he is. Of course I know who he is. Yeah. Obviously.
Obviously. I have pictures of you dressed up, Homer, so don't say never. Oh, yeah? Wait a second.
Yeah, hold on. Wait a second. What do you have him dressed up as? The Halloween parties.
Don't remember? Oh, at his house. What did you wear? I don't remember.
Oh, I can't. You were rip. Yeah. That was rip.
You were rip one year. Yeah. What was Palmer? I don't remember.
I forgot. I have to look through the pictures. The pictures, I forget. I think he was like a cowboy one year as well.
No, I don't have a cowboy hat. You don't tell me about the ash anymore. You can't see it, I'm sorry. Not you, him.
You can't see it either. I can't see it, it's on your stomach. I was gonna say tubby stomach, but I caught myself. You're all glared out with the new camera angles and the lights.
How much is the new light we need? $1,000. Is it $1,000? No.
You have ash on your pictorial? This one? Yep. There you go.
It's like $400. We could probably get that. - He needs three of them. - Oh, we'll get one.
- No, we'll get one at a time. And then we move my three to him. - I don't need more than one. - No, you need more.
- No. - Don't tell me what to do. - I can't see you from over here. - Alright, next is giving me a headache.
- Moving on. - Moving on. - Michael Phillips, the guy with the tiny wiener. - Michael Phillips?
- That's his name. - Oh man, I thought I was a swimmer guy. - The guy with the world's smallest, no, not him. The world's smallest penis.
- He lost. - He's 38. 38 inches. He pees on himself.
Exactly. That's the problem. It's like an innie. Right.
So when he goes to pee, it's not a regular stream. Is this the guy that did the girth thing? Yeah. He raised $4,000 for a semi-permanent dermal filler procedure.
Right. Semi-permanent. Yeah. He's going to do it again?
Yeah. It deteriorates. Really? Yeah.
You've looked into this? I have. The three-hour procedure focused mainly on increasing the girth. Yeah, you've covered this before.
No, but he just had the surgery. Now it's completed. So now he's lost the world's... Now he's not the world's smallest penis anymore because now it's bigger.
Right. Yeah. So he's got to wait a week to see the final size. I guess it swells as it heals.
There's some swelling involved, apparently. Alright, so who's the new wiener? The winner? I don't know.
Phil McGuffey. Phil McGuffey. Congratulations. The biggest success is functionality and no longer retracts into his body, He's got somebody allowing him to urinate normally.
He's no longer inverted? Yes. He doesn't go, "It's inverted. " He has a Polaroid.
I was inverted. He may return in six months for a booster injection. Are you checking your Facebook or something? Just text messages.
Oh. Text messages like, "It's going to get bigger, dear. Don't worry. Mike, in three weeks, I can go back for six months, I can go back for a booster injection.
Get a booster. Okay. Is it like what they do, so, I mean, they don't just put it in one part, because then it would just have a big lump on one side, so they have to like... Why are you asking, why are you asking us the questions?
Yeah, they gotta spread it around. Because I don't have this information, I only have our highlights. You have, I would say, you have the teleprompter. Yeah, but it's just the highlights.
This is better. But you read the article, right? Yes. Okay, so then, ooh, wow.
That sounds so much better when I go like this. It does. I go like this the whole time. I really think I should just talk like this.
Just clip it on your beard. On the beard? Yeah. That's what guys are doing at TikTok now, but they have those big squares.
Ow, that hurts. Yeah, I don't know how it doesn't pull. How's that? Is that better?
That sounds way better. It does sound better. Oh, yeah. It's sliding off.
The big ear is scratchy. Now you remind me of Ben Stiller from that Dodgeball movie. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Oh, yeah, that guy.
The procedure was less about bragging rights and more about improving his daily quality of life. Yeah, like pissing on the toilet, not on himself. Right. So, I don't know.
Seems like a lot of trouble. Mm-hmm. Kind of like this mic. Yeah.
I mean, if you gotta go back. Hi, Doc, I'm back. It's lopsided. It's lopsided.
It's lopsided? It's lopsided. There's a lump on one side. It's lopsided.
I need you to, you know, shoot the other side. Alright, moving on. Shoot the other side. Well, how much time?
What time are we at? We're good. It's enough about penises. Calm down.
Alright, Miss North Carolina USA is finally in a defamation lawsuit against the pageant organizers. Okay. Can't wait for this story. Brittany Boltonhouse was crowned Miss North Carolina USA 2026 on June 28th.
Yeah. And then she was stripped a month later of her title. Because she's racist. Well, the controversy began when social media posts from 2017 and 2019 resurfaced.
Do you think they should be held responsible for stuff they said back then? I mean, it's not, but it's a six, so... Give me some more details. What did she say?
She reportedly used the N-word in six separate, well, okay, there's six of them, but maybe... Was it hard R? That's what I needed to know. Well, I had a hard time, the news didn't actually say what she said.
Yeah, they hide it. They hide it, and then ChatGPT, I had to, like, coax it out of him. You had to work them. It's okay.
Yeah. You can tell me. It's fine. It's just between us.
I'm not gonna say anything. This is just for information, not for the podcast. It's not gonna go on the podcast. So, best he said was she used the N-word in six separate posts.
Her lawsuit acknowledges that the posts were authentic, which makes me sound like she meant it? That she's the one that did it? Right. Well, we need to see a picture.
Of her? Yeah. She's not that pretty. That's weird.
It's weird that you need to see a picture. No, no, no, no. We need to know if she is African-American. Oh no, she's not, she's white.
Oh. Or Latino, but she's not. I just need to know if it's hard R or not. If it's hard R, then...
I think he said it was in the post. Well, she said, her attorney argues that she used the word as popular slang without a racist theme. So that means it's the A. Oh, is that what it means?
Yeah, that's not the hard R. Oh, but why would she even be saying it? Well, she's an idiot. Well, yeah.
" Yeah, so like, we can discount the fact that she's an idiot, but she's not racist, so I think that, no, she-- So, if she didn't use the horror, she's not racist? No, she's just an idiot. I don't think we're allowed to say it either way. We're not, but we're also intelligent.
Let me ask you a question. When you hear a hip-hop song-- Yeah. --and you're singing it, do you ever bleep out the n-word? No.
No he doesn't. He doesn't. And neither does Skip. Yeah.
Right. We're just singing the song. Yeah. Yeah.
We could be Miss North Carolina. Do you keep the window up in your car when you sing it? No. Do you pull out in front, when you're picking up your kids at school, or are you sitting in the car going, and you're just yelling the n-word?
Not in the, not at the school. Yeah, Jesus is watching. Yeah. Jesus is always watching.
Yeah. Doesn't matter, you don't have to be at school. Well, over there, he's really watching. I think I'm starting to get a sore throat.
Listen, I'm a huge DMX fan. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, there's a lot of N-words in those. Now, listen, I am also not going to go post on social media.
What? You're my Hard-N? Yeah. And a picture of you and some guy?
Yeah. Hard-R. This is me and Palmer. He's my...
Hard-R. Hard-R. You ever see the comedy stint where the guy... I'm like, no, it's okay, I'm just going to say Hard-R.
Everybody knows what I mean, but I don't say Hard-R. Don't say the words. If you say hard R, it's not okay. Oh.
Hard R is not okay. All right. Dummy. Do it again?
No. I'm not doing anything again. Hard end. Have you seen the, soft end?
Have you seen the comedy where the guy's talking and he's got a black friend? Yeah, yeah. And he stops and the guy says it for him? Right.
Amazing. Yeah, that's hilarious. Bro. You have to edit that out.
What's the time? You have to edit that out. 33 minutes. Oh, he's such an idiot.
You have to edit that out. I'm sorry. Well, yeah. It was there for the taking, right?
It was there for the taking. You gotta get that out too. Can you just bleep me out? Like, I kind of like when Jake does the videos on Cigar Hustler.
Yeah. And he like bleeps out the cuss words on Keanu Cussons. I can bleep him. Just remove the audio, just remove the audio from that section.
" Oh, and leave the rest not. Yeah. All right, just as good as a bleeping. Okay, begin.
So she wasn't expressing any offense when the posts were made, just what they said. I believe that. She's dumb for doing it. Right.
So should she be DQ'd? No. I don't think so either. I mean, look.
Everybody's so gun-shy anymore. I mean. Listen, we're not gunning. This isn't the intelligent pageant.
We know exactly what it is. Oh, those girls have degrees. In what? The Miss America thing?
Walking. Wow. Modeling. Look, I'm not saying that they do or they don't have degrees.
You have a lot of ash on you. Advanced studies in eye shadow. I'm not saying that they do or they don't have. Can you just not wear black anymore?
Can we just wear grey or something? No. Just start wearing ash-colored clothes. Like a speckled shirt?
I'm not saying that they do or don't have degrees. I'm saying that that's not what they're being judged on. Oh. Sure there is.
There's an intelligent part of the thing now. Yeah, but that's more for our entertainment. Oh, Lord. I mean, they cut the bikini part out and give them math questions now.
Well, you know what? I can't wait 'til Well, Miss North Carolina is on the stage. Why? When they talk to her about intelligence.
Why? We're talking about her, right? Are we talking about her? Isn't she the one with the...
No, Miss North Carolina. Soft N? Yeah, she was the one that did it, right. Yeah.
Yeah. Miss USA said it does not tolerate racism, homophobia, transphobia, or language that strips people of their dignity. Yeah, he wouldn't even be allowed to watch. Boltenhaus claims his statement falsely betrayed her as a racist, homophobe, transphobe, and intolerable bigot.
That's true. It sounds like it did. But how did the, from what you're, just from the information you're giving me, it does sound like that, yeah, I don't think that she, I think she's dumb. Yeah, I mean, who, it might not even have come out if Miss USA didn't go, well look back, if you go back 750 swipes on her Instagram, she used the word.
Yeah. I mean, nobody else might have not even found it. Right. And I mean, nothing she said made her sound like she was a homophobe, a transphober, an intolerable bigot.
I mean, who's looking for that shit anyways? I mean, I can think of people, I can think of people, yeah, I can think of, I can think of people that have made posts like that on social media, I'm like, hmm, not a good look. No. And I hope they don't run for any type of public office, because it'll come back to get you.
Yeah. So if you're gonna run for public office, just delete all your social media before you run. How are we going to scrub this whole podcast? Right, exactly.
She alleges the real reason why she was dethroned was her identity as a conservative Christian and her support for Donald Trump. Oh, God. I don't care about that either. But apparently, didn't he own Miss USA or something?
I don't know. But again, I mean, just like, ugh. He owns a woman? I don't care about your political, I just don't care.
I don't care either. So don't, don't, ugh. And the pageant, she's complaining that the pageant did a apology letter for her without her approval and she didn't even have anything to do with it. Hmm.
That's fucked up, too. On behalf of Miss North Carolina, she apologizes for it. She's really sorry. No, I'm not.
No, I'm not. What are you doing? I meant to. Go, Trump!
I meant to. The pageant organizers deny targeting her political or religious beliefs. So, no, that's not true. That's not true.
And she's sorry. And she's still sorry. Boldenhouse is seeking compensatory and punitive damages for damage to her reputation, her lost career, opportunities, and emotional distress. Very upset.
I mean, look, judging from the cheap seat, sounds like she's gonna win. Sounds like she's got a case. It does. Oh, and she's requesting a jury trial, so...
Oh, she's going all the way. She's going all the way. She doesn't know what she's asking for, I think, at this point. It's a jury trial.
She's bringing a jury and some people. I would like some peoples. Yeah, this is ridiculous. Not that one, though.
Not that person. Nothing personal. And I'm not sorry. Wait till you see my post.
Sometimes he's funny. He's funny all the time. Just sometimes he crosses. Oh, you want to get that?
You want to answer that, Mr. Cruz? Oh, no, please don't beat me. Okay, moving on.
On to Cigar News! Now these aren't real stories, I didn't do highlights for Cigar News. These aren't real stories? No, I have the story, I don't have just highlights.
Okay. My eyes are water. I think that's fine, a little hybrid. Yeah.
Honduran President Asufara announces Cigar Festival scheduled for January 2027. Does it come with bodyguards? I don't know. Honduras is once again going to host a Cigar Festival because the other ones didn't work out too good.
Yesterday, President Nasseri Asofara met with members of the Honduran cigar industry about a variety of topics. Following the meeting, his office announced that there is a new festival that will be held in the country next year. Does Habersky know about this? Do we want to get in on this?
Yeah, I mean, we should ask him. We should ask him. Hey, did you hear about the Honduran thingy? Yeah, there's another festival we're not part of.
Maybe we should go. You can wear your little top hat and red jacket again. Buy now, buy now. A source told Half Wheel that the festival will take place in the days before Puro Sabar, because people are going to be in the country that were there that way anyway.
Is that a new one, too? Puro Sabar? Puro Sabar? Puro Sabar.
Puro Sabar? Is that a new one? No, it's the other one that got canceled this year. Puro Sabar?
Why do you keep saying it? Am I saying it wrong? Yeah, it's kind of like McCliff. Yeah, McCliff?
He has no idea. Oh, McAuliffe. He doesn't want to. It's McAuliffe.
Yeah, I saw that. I saw that. That was funny. And then eventually Keanu started doing it for him.
Yeah. So it's Puro Sabor. Oh, listen. Puro Sabor.
Listen to him. What did I say? Sabor. Sabor.
Like it was the pizza place. Oh. It's not Saboros? It's not the pizza people?
I thought it was the pizza people. m. " I was at Sabor. Right.
Sambar. Yeah, getting wasted. But many details including the event's name are still being worked out. We're just having one.
We don't know why we're going. The current plan would see the festival take place Friday, January 22nd through Monday, January 25th. Those days were chosen to make it easier for guests to attend both the Honduran and the Nicaraguan festivals. Pure Sabre, 2027, kicks off Monday in the capital, ooh, in Managua, I like Managua, Managua is a nice place.
The plan for the Honduran side would be for attendees to cross the border on Tuesday, January... You just like the hotel in Managua. I've stayed in Intercontinental's before. Yeah, you like the hotel there.
No, I like the city better. I mean, it looked like Altamont, you know, except there's a lot of... Except Spanish? Yeah, and police, you know, that's gonna walk by and take your license.
I mean, that doesn't happen that often here. It doesn't happen that often here. Policia. Policia.
Then head straight to us to lead the hub of the cigar industry and the main host of Puro Sabre. The festival is being organized by the, I can't say that word, Concejo de Arcanos, De Tobacco, De Honduras. Is it from North Carolina? The same group that had the meeting with Asafara.
So there's, what? No, it wasn't funny. Keep going. What was the word?
It wasn't funny. I said the word. Day, Tobacco, Day, Today Day? Yeah, the Day of the Tobacco by the Place by the Tobacco.
So this is a group that had the meeting with Asufara. Press release is expected in the coming days. Honduras is the only major cigar-producing country without a festival. Yeah.
Well, we can fix that. Habersky, get on the phone. Let's take care of this. Yeah, lock it in.
Lock it in. Cuba has long held the Festival de Habano. The Dominican Republic hosts Pro Cigar, and then we have Puro Sabor. More than a decade ago, Honduras played host to a festival called Humo Jaguar.
Not even close to any of the other. Humo Jaguar? H-U-M-O. Jaguar.
Jaguar. Oh, it's J-H, is it Haguar? Haguar. Haguar.
Haguar. Haguar. Though the event never became a regular thing. Nobody liked it.
They didn't have the thing. Three people showed up. Yep, wasn't a lot of fun. Well, PCA wasn't involved yet.
Yeah. Oh, man. Guess what? Now we're in.
Third. This makes the third festival. Oh, we're actually not in. We're gonna, he's gonna get them all like Thanos.
Like Thanos' rings? Right. Like gemstones? Yeah, pfff, they're all gone.
More recently, yeah, he's gonna pfff, they're gone. More recently, some have tried to combine Honduran coffee and cigars. Didn't work. That didn't happen either?
Didn't happen. But it's never risen to the level of the other cigar festivals. I'm sure Asufar is very upset nobody likes his festivals. During those events which typically attract guests from dozens of countries, Attendees are taken on tours of tobacco farms and cigar factories, giving unique access to company owners and blotty, blotty, blotty, blotty, blotty, blotty, blotty.
- Hmm. - Uh, in addition, Asufara and the association discussed plans for a new school... - Oh! to train rollers in Donnelly!
- Yeah. - The home of Honduran cigar industry. So he's gonna open a school and have a festival. - That's good.
- He's hoping people come this time. - Hmm. - I don't really want to go to Honduras. That was going to be my question.
Do I want to go to Honduras? Would you go to Honduras? I mean, I would go, I don't want to. They may have cushions.
They don't have cushions. They don't have cushions. Alex had just went, so I mean, he was talking about it, but I heard there's some, it's kind of hard to get back and forth sometimes. It's not easy.
No. Unless you're from, well, let's not talk about that. I heard there's somebody that just drive through, they don't have to stop. Of course, that's how, look, that's not different anywhere.
there are people that get to operate above the law. Sure, right. Of course. It just works differently.
Sure. And it's in every country. When we skip this next story, we run out of time. Is it about the humo?
And then we have the good one that you wanted to talk about. I don't know. I mean, I've never heard of this brand before. We're at 44 minutes.
Well, if there's no news just tomorrow, you can just plug it. I can bring it back. Sure. Okay.
All right. So we're going to talk about this next one here in just a second. I'm really excited about this. I know, I know, it was going to be tomorrow, you want to talk about it today?
I do. It's a big one? It's a big one. It's a big one.
Oh, crikey, there's the white whale. There it is. All right, we're almost through. Any minute now.
We're almost there. I mean, you could speed that up, but I don't know. Bam, episode 1201. Should we call, uh...
You guys really tried to call a bunch of salespeople, no way to answer the phone the other day? When Groover was on? That's what it said in the description. Um, we called Alfredo, he wasn't, he didn't answer.
He's the number two salesman? No. Oh. How about you just go watch the episode?
I don't want to. Just talk about it. That's kind of messed up. Why?
You don't want to watch the episode? No. I'll wait till the clips come out. You didn't watch any of the episodes while you were there?
No, I watched the beginning of every single one of them. Cause I was interested who the guest was. The intro? Yeah, I like to watch, like, coops.
It's a YouTube show, I like to watch our shows start. Yeah? Oh, okay. All right, Opus X Resilient, a 9/11, competitive release is shipping this week.
Mm-hmm. A 9/11. Remember to. Never forget.
Arturo Fuente's Cigar that honors the 25th anniversary of the September 11th Terror Attack will head to stores this week. The cigar is the Opus X Resilient, a 20-count box that contains two different cigars. Two. As is normally the case, the company has declined to disclose about what the blend is, though it's believed to be based on the original Opus X blend but with some tweaks.
Oh. I know what all of them are? What? Aren't all of them based on the original but with some tweaks?
I don't know. That sounds like marketing... Yeah, give me a break. Tweaky marketing?
It's like the original but it's different. Got it. Just some tweaks. Thank you so much.
We took the leaf and now we turn it this way. Oh, it's a sideways. Yes. Mm-hmm.
Okay. Each box comes with 16 Churchill-sized cigars and four box-press cigars that are covered in American flag wrap. Nice. Yes.
Carlos Colito Fuente, better known as Mario, chairman of Arturo Fuente, told Half Wheel that he began working on the project a few years ago, realizing that the 25th anniversary of the event was coming up. Okay. Okay. Okay.
He said the cigars and the flag wrap... I was waiting for you to finish. He said the cigars in the flag wrap are the first time the company has made an entirely pressed cigar, not that the cigar is square at both, noting that the cigar is square at both the head and the foot. Oh.
And the cap is completely flat. Nobody does this, just them. Okay. Inside the resilient boxes, the cigars are placed into two trays.
Two. Two. With two of the flag wrapper cigars in the middle, a symbol of the Twin Towers. Nice.
And four of the Churchill Cigars on either side, not really a symbol of anything, but it just fits nice. Right. The boxes have an MSRP of, you already know, so, Phil? $1,500.
$535. Well, I was, you know... Sort of ruins the pop, you know, $535 is expensive, but it's not $1,500. So when he says $15, he sort of takes the air out of that.
Wasn't the Lucky 13, like, something like that? It was $13. No, it wasn't $13. Arturo Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Fuente, Arturo Fuente, Arturo Fuente, Fuente is donating- You guys ready?
How much, how much you think they're donating? How much you donating from every box? Money? Yeah, yes.
20 bucks. Are you saying that to be a smartass? No, I, I, I don't think they're donating a lot, but I would think 20 bucks. $11.
Dollars? Cordoba, Cordoba, it's 11 Cordoba. $11 per box to Tunnels for Towers, a charity that provides housing assistance up to free homes. Well, not at $11 a donation.
Wait, it's called, I'm sorry. Go ahead. It's called Tunnels for Towers? Tunnels for Towers.
Yes. They provide housing assistance to disabled veterans, Gold Star families, families of fallen first responders, In a tunnel. I don't know where they get this. I don't know where they get this tunnel.
Okay. Is that it or no? Is there any more? This may be a regular thing.
There's not a one-time release. Instead, the company has focused on making sure the project arrived ahead of the 25th anniversary. Last week, two boxes were auctioned off for $20,000 each. I wonder if it's still $11 they get.
And 11. And 11. And eleven, because it represents the towers. Never forget, September 11th.
In April, the company showed off a prototype box at the PCA 2026 Convention and Trade Show, Fuente, said they worked with FDNY, NYPD, and the PA of NY and NJ. To create a special paper insert that contains badge numbers of many of the people who lost their lives. Okay, this is all just marketing fluff at this point. And eleven dollars.
Alright, so, and eleven dollars. I can't wait to hear this conversation. All right, so let's start here. Yeah, where?
Do you think it was a good idea to make a cigar based off of 9/11? Let's start there. Yes or no? Give me your honest opinion.
I don't think it's a bad thing. You don't think it's a bad thing? No. I mean, I think, I don't think it's a bad thing to make a cigar based off of 9/11.
But there's a lot more to go with that, so we'll just, I'll answer your question right now, and you can move on to the next one. - Are you sure? - Yeah. - I'll let you keep going.
You got something else to say? - I mean, I don't think the money's right. - Okay, all right. - Okay, okay, okay.
Do you think it's a good idea to make a cigar about 9/11? - I don't think it's right to profit on it, no. I mean, if they would have made it, and then we will donate the entire proceeds of this cigar. - We're not there yet.
- Oh, yeah. - We're not doing the money thing. No, I don't think it's a good idea to make something to-- - No. - I'll just say no.
- Yeah. - Because the other stuff gets connected. - I mean, should we do a press release and like, hey, just so you know, in commemorative of September 11th, we're gonna release a cigar called, they hit the second tower. - 9/11 Bear, we're gonna do 9/11 Bear.
- 9/11 Bear, they hit that, it's a guy on a, like, what are we doing? - They're already red, white, and blue, we just tranche it. - Yeah, he's just, yeah, perfect. - Right, yeah.
- Sanford Airplane Training School cigar. - Like, what are we, what are we doing? - Right. Okay.
So... Now, do you think we're gonna see a, this is gonna be a trend, and we're gonna see more of the, like, you know that... That was where it was gonna end, but I can, we can jump to that now, that's fine. Okay, yeah, the 250th anniversary cigars we didn't sell out on, now they are 9-11 cigars.
No, not only do I don't think that that happens, I don't think you see another one of these. I think that this is done. Gotcha. Yeah, after they see this episode.
So after $535 gross sale, MSRP, so what does that mean? 65-ish for the box? There's how many cigars in there? 20.
All right. 70, right? Right. Do you think that $11 donated, I can't believe I'm having this conversation, do you think that $11 donated out of a box that retails at $535 is an acceptable number?
No. No, why? I mean, for the cause, I mean, okay, $11, how many boxes are there? Yeah.
Two. No, no. They, they, that was for the main, I know it. That was a joke.
Yeah. There's not a lot of boxes, right? So, I mean, $11, what are they going to give them? 400 bucks.
Does it say how many boxes are made? I'm looking. It's like, it's realistically, even if it doesn't have the number of the boxes, they're probably going to give them $300, $400. $11, you know.
So. I mean, the boxes do they make of these things anyways? Um, keep going, I'm gonna, I don't think they said. I think the numbers should be, respectfully, I think it should be somewhere around a hundred bucks at least.
Okay. At minimum. So that's where you, you say a hundred? Yeah, at minimum.
I don't even think a hundred bucks is enough. I don't think a hundred bucks is enough either. I don't think that you should make anything off. If you're doing something like this, like how do you make money on this?
Right, I'm just saying. I mean, their profit's not $11. Hell no. No, yeah, yeah.
We already know what the profit is. Yeah. If it's costing $235 at wholesale, it's probably making about $220. I mean, it says he auctioned off for $20,000 with two boxes.
It doesn't say all those proceeds went to the thing. He might have just made $40,000. No, I mean, realistically, I'm willing to bet that if those things were auctioned off, all that money went to whatever it was doing, doing the donations. Yeah, but regardless, I mean, the cost on that is still minimal.
Yeah. Right? Yeah, 40 bucks. Like, if he wanted to make something special for an auction, eh, I don't think.
Yeah, yeah, just make the two? Yeah, make these two special boxes, whatever, you know, oh, we raised 40 G's, hell yeah. That sounds awesome. Right.
That's actually probably the route that he should have gone. Yeah. If you wanted to do something special. Right.
The boxes are the same as the 250th anniversary cigar that he made, but the cigars inside are different. These are special cigars for this, but for the 250th anniversary thing in July, same boxes. So yeah, the same boxes. They just didn't, you know, they put the paper in with the badge numbers on it.
Right. Doesn't say how many. So they didn't sell enough of the 250th. Yeah, they don't list.
That's what you think happened? Yeah. They made too many? We make a paper with badge numbers on it, we stick it inside.
Yeah, we'll do two towers. I bet the $11 is because each dollar represents the tower. Or 9/11. Yeah, or 9/11.
11. 11. They sell it for $200, they throw in an extra $700. Right.
Yeah, this was definitely messed up. This is totally, totally... This is a marketing nightmare. Yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly what this is. Yeah. This is ridiculous. And furthermore...
Go ahead. That was him lighting. All right. And furthermore, I mean, who in Young does all the American stuff?
I don't give a shit about that. They don't own the rights to Americans. No, I'm not saying that they own the rights. I'm just saying, I just...
I don't... All of a sudden, like, I've seen a lot of this American stuff go across the board. Well, it's the 250th anniversary. It's the time.
Yeah. They're trending. Yeah. It fades out next year.
Yeah. Nobody's doing 251. No. Except us.
We have 251 bears. The 251. 250th anniversary. 2025.
We're going to donate $2 of each one. 50. $22. We're going to over...
Double. Double the Fuente donation. I mean, dude, this is wild. Yeah.
Yeah, and as much money as Fuente makes, they should definitely have donated more. Who talks him into the $11? Who said this was okay? Like, I just want to know who pitched it.
Well, he said Mario. Well, they've got extra boxes. Okay, so they're having a meeting, look, these didn't move, we got to order, you know, the 9/11 things. Do you remember the attack?
Yeah, where a bunch of innocent civilians died, and then firefighters were destroyed, and like this whole thing, a big mess. Is this in New York? We can just box that up. That's next month.
That's next month. Yeah. We can move these. Yeah.
All we need is that paper with all the badge numbers. We can get that online. I mean, holy moly. Ask Claude.
Claude would probably give it to us. Yeah. And you know what? If those don't move, then in October, we're going to put them all in pink boxes.
No, that's a totally different cigar. Totally different. Totally different. Yeah.
Sorry. Different wrapping. It's same, but different. Look, that's probably also going to be an issue, because I'm going to tell you right now, short stories have been on backorder for about two months.
" Who said that? I won't say. " No, I said that somebody said to me assertively that they, oh, you think they're the only people that have Cameroon? And I was like, I guess not.
Meanwhile, two months later, as a consumer, as a retailer, I gotta look my customers in the eyes and say, hey, we don't have the product. So what does that tell you? That tells you that there's obviously a problem. Right.
No? Yeah, supply issue. Or marketing issue. Yeah, like maybe you don't have Cameroon wrapper all of a sudden.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me I'm wrong.
No, you're not wrong. Don't shut down on me. I'm not shutting down. Like, it just doesn't make sense.
I'm not shutting down. Thanks. Did they donate part of the pink money, too, to somebody? Yeah, that's the breast.
Well, I know what it's for, but you never hear that from each box we donate 75 cents. I have no idea. Maybe. Probably.
But that's not my point. You know, like, here's what I can't stand about this industry, and I got no disrespect to Fuente, But I'm going to tell you, it's extremely aggravating when you have a conversation with somebody, and they act like their shit doesn't stink, and they got the problem solved, and then you're 60 days in, and you don't have the fucking problem solved. You're not even close. Like, what are we doing?
If you just said, hey, and I go, well, what's going to happen with X, Y, Z? Like, oh, well, we don't know. Like, okay, perfect. If you're going to pivot out of it and change the wrapper, or whatever, then you're going to change the wrapper, or whatever.
Just tell me so at least I can tell the customer this is what's going to happen to this product in the future instead of telling me looking at me like I'm the idiot and saying that's not going to be a problem like you think they're the only person like I guess not like I'm genuinely asking you what are you going to do here you know because now we got customers that come in and buy this shit by the box all the time and we don't have any. Yeah, it's hard, because then what do you do? I pivot them off the brand, is what I do. Do they go back?
Probably not. Probably not. Whereas if they had said, "Hey, this is what's going on, this is the situation," and been upfront about it, we could have figured out a way to pivot them through something else that they carry or whatever, right? But that's not what they did.
They did the opposite of that. Instead, they told me that I was a fucking idiot. Like, okay. Well, now look at us.
Now, where are we at? Yeah, I think-- Now we're at 9/11 fucking boxes. You know what I mean? Well, 250th anniversary changed into-- Like, make it make sense.
Like, make it make sense, right. Make it make sense, man. This looks just like my 250th anniversary box. No, it's different.
It's different. It's different. We're gonna give 11 bucks. Can you cut the cigars in half and put 'em in the pink boxes?
We're really back on orders here. All right, whatever, moving on. Anything else? Now it's time for the industry's favorite game!
What's the score? Wait, Groover did a great job of screaming. Yes, by the way, I wanted to clip that and bring it into our trailer. I'll talk to you about it afterwards.
They'll, like, start to remove some of the older stuff. Yeah. And Keanu did one, too. Yeah, he did, like, a whole...
Yeah. Yeah. Oh. All right, can you predict a cigar score from a half-wheel review before it's revealed?
We'll give you clues. You make the guess. As reviews unfold, the answer gets closer. Or does it?
Dun, dun, dun. The closest guess wins. I forgot to put them out. Oh, God.
They're not there. And now that's broken. That was actually the things working. Let's play What's the Score?
Yeah! If you win, I can put fireworks behind you. That's okay, dude. It's all right.
August 24th, 2026, Brooks Whittington is the reviewer. It's a black-labeled trading company cigar, limited edition, Redux, the Black Works Studio, Tigarsaurus. Oh. Which one?
Tigersaurus. We're doing a show. Are you looking it up? Yeah, hold on.
Spell it for me. Tiger, T-I-G-E-R-S-A-U-R-U-S. Not usaurus, but Tigersaurus. By Black Label?
Yes. Who did it? Did Brooks do it? I'm sorry.
You're doing a show, huh? I'm coming down. I'm coming down. Yeah, you get really hyped up.
It's Brooks. It's a recent review. It's a Redux. It's a Tigrosaurus, Black Label from Godfather of Soul.
How are you going to watch me? They live in their neighbors. It's Skip's neighbor. Yeah.
They have a cool house in Orleans. I've seen pictures. Yeah. You didn't see the house?
He pointed at it as we went by, but it was dark. Oh. I couldn't see it. It's the big black house.
I saw the big black factory with the goat on it. Uh-huh. I saw that. Ninety.
Fell? Threw me off for that. Eighty-two? Blackworks Studio Tiger Source from Nicaragua, Factory Fabrica Oveja Negra, Rappers Connecticut Broadleaf, and Pennsylvania Broadleaf.
Lot of Broadleaf. Oh, and Undisclosed. Undisclosed? It's undisclosed, but it's can't tell.
5x48, round, it's a $19 cigar released in 2025, they smoked one because this is a Redux, $90. $82. The Tiger Source is a fantastic looking cigar, the three different wrapper colors create a unique barber pole design. You blew into the microphone.
Sorry. While the rough dark leaf and smoother accent stripes give it plenty of character, the completely closed foot is another impressive detail that makes the cigar stand out before it's even lit. 90. 82.
Clue number two. The flavor profile is full, rich, and constantly evolving. They begin with charred meat, gritty herbs, earth, cocoa, almonds, and mouth-coating coffee being finished before transitioning into roasted peanuts, oak espresso, dark chocolate, and cinnamon. The excellent draw and heavy smoke production make the experience even more enjoyable.
90. I mean, this thing sounds like a pound cake. With coffee. Yeah.
82. The burn line becomes noticeably wavy during the first half, which takes away slightly from an otherwise excellent construction performance. Slightly. Slightly.
It never becomes serious enough to require a correction and eventually evens itself out. But, it is still the cigar's most obvious weakness. Ninety. Man, I thought they'd take off a lot for stuff like that.
Only if it's a postaña. Right. Everything's 80 now. It's been correcting itself the whole time, just perfectly.
Right. It fixed itself. Look at that. It's amazing.
I don't know, man. I'll go to 85. Final thought. I ended my original review hoping that the first third of the Blackworks Studio Tigersaurus would evolve over time and become a bit more complex.
Almost a year later, the total story is a bit more nuanced while the combination of charred meat and oak remain the main note. In the first third, there was a new rich coffee bean note on the finish that stuck around for most of the first half, a brown sugar sweetness that was not present the first time around and less black pepper. Interestingly, the second half changed and included a new roasted peanut note as one of the main flavors. Along with a substantial amount of cinnamon on the finish.
This is a better cigar than it was 10 months ago, and I would not be surprised if it continues to improve in the next 10 months. It just gets better. Every 10 months. You have to have one a year, just one a year is all you get.
That's it, that's where it ends. Ninety. There must be like a magician just going, putting it in there like Emerald Gossi, right? Right, does the magic trick, pulls a rabbit out of his hat.
Yeah, no hat. No rabbit. No rabbit. Yeah.
Um. Man. They make it sound great. They do.
It sounds amazing. Yeah. So what's the score? 89.
And when you were at 90? Mm-hmm. You went the wrong way. 91.
Oh! Oh! I was thinking '91. But you said '90.
I was good at it. I just stuck '90 the whole way. All the way through. I want to try that cigar.
Yeah, it sounds great. Why don't you call them up? They love us. I don't think they hate us.
No, but they don't love us. That picture came up on my time, whatever it's called on Facebook the other day. I didn't repost it. What was the original score?
Do you have that? Oh, yeah. It's the Redux. It was 89.
I won. You won that one, not this one. You didn't get to re-ask. It got a little better.
Yeah. After 10 months, it tastes even better. Every 10 months, it's going to have a better. No, I got two better, not a little.
One better. Oh, yeah, two better. 91, not 90. Two better.
All right, that's it. It's the end of the show. All right, anything else to add? Tomorrow night, I am doing the Smokin' Oak Podcast, I don't know if it's live or not, but it is taping tomorrow night, over in Tampa.
Nice. Oh, you have to go there? " Right. They shoot in some lounge or something over there.
Ooh. Yeah, it should be fun. Fancy. You should see what type of lights they use and cameras.
Oh yeah, I'll try to take them with me. Yeah. How much for the light, guys? How much?
Just grab one and walk out with it. Just grab one and walk out with it? This is my payment. Hey, a parting gift?
Just tell 'em that you came in with it. This is mine. I brought this with me. I brought my own light.
I'm very pale. Alright. Thank you very much for listening. Like and subscribe.
We're reviewing and listening to this show. Check out our Patreon. com for all your chpod swag. We appreciate you guys.
Gentlemen, thank you very much. And we hope to provide a great edutainment for you today. Alright, guys. Thank you very much.
We gotta go. Bloop. Thank you.
Show Notes
The guys react to a shoutout from The Cigar Authority, debate how long it’ll take to pass their episode count, and catch up on listener comments. Plus, pumpkin spice season returns, the man with the world’s smallest penis loses his title, and a dethroned Miss North Carolina USA files a defamation lawsuit. Cigars, chaos and plenty of bad decisions along the way.