ACHP 604 Dolly Dies, Legos Are Expensive, Phil 45 Minute Bathroom Break
Episode Summary
Episode 604 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast opens with hosts Mike "PDP" Palmer and Mike Szczepankewicz working through listener comments from chpod.com's Lounge and YouTube — including continued pushback on the 9/11 commemorative cigar box that only donated $11 per box, a running joke about the show's new (and still unfinished) website AI that Charlie Minato has been stress-testing, and a debate about whether Mikey should finally shave his head. Engineer Phil McGuffey turns up roughly halfway through after a long night: he'd taken his seven-week-old son Finn to the hospital with a low-grade fever and projectile vomiting, which becomes both a sympathy moment and fodder for the crew's usual ribbing.
In news, the guys mark the passing of Dolly Parton at 80, reminiscing about Dollywood, her Kissimmee Dixie Stampede, and her Rocky III-era connection to Hulk Hogan. They then dig into a Vero Beach embezzlement story — a former Fraternal Order of Eagles secretary accused of taking more than $418,000, with an itemized spending list that included ATM withdrawals, utility bills, NRA memberships, DUI and child support court fees, and roughly $2,461 in Legos. National Dog Day (August 26) leads into dog-ownership stats, the $158 billion U.S. pet spend, and the discovery that National Cigar Day falls on February 27.
The cigar segment covers three stories: Emmanuel Iuscelini's departure as head of Davidoff of Geneva USA effective October 1, with Edward Simon taking over interim responsibilities — prompting a running gag about the Davidoff store-exclusive releases and how the real money in cigars is made by leaving the industry. Next, Bocock Brothers' Coach O Stadium Series, a 6x52 Honduran-and-Paraguayan Toro named for Ed Orgeron whose box folds out into an LSU stadium diorama, with a University of Missouri version on the way. Then Tatuaje's Old Man and the Sea Monster — a $54 coffin pairing a 7x44 Lonsdale with a Culebra from the all-Nicaraguan Monster/Creature blend, six coffins per box, 1,300 boxes produced. The show closes with "What's the Score?", where the crew guesses Patrick Lagreed's halfwheel rating for the Asylum 13 Signature Series by Tom Lazuka (6x46, CLE factory, $17) — Mikey nails the 88 while Palmer sticks at 79.
In This Episode
- 01Listener Comments and the CHPod LoungeComments from YouTube and chpod.com, including more criticism of the $11-per-box 9/11 cigar donation and the site's new AI that Charlie Minato keeps breaking.
- 02Dolly Parton Dies at 80The hosts remember Dolly Parton's career, Dollywood, the Dixie Stampede, and her Hulk Hogan music video connection.
- 03Phil's Hospital Night with Baby FinnPhil McGuffey explains his late arrival after taking his seven-week-old son to the hospital with a fever and vomiting.
- 04Vero Beach Eagles EmbezzlementA former Fraternal Order of Eagles secretary allegedly took $418,899.26, spending it on ATM withdrawals, utilities, NRA memberships, DUI court fees, and $2,461 worth of Legos.
- 05National Dog Day and National Cigar DayDog Day history, the $158 billion U.S. pet-spending figure, and the revelation that National Cigar Day is February 27.
- 06Davidoff of Geneva USA Leadership ChangeEmmanuel Iuscelini is leaving Davidoff of Geneva USA October 1 for another industry, with Edward Simon covering until a successor is named.
- 07Bocock Brothers Coach O Stadium SeriesA 6x52 Honduran Toro with Paraguayan filler honoring Ed Orgeron, packaged in a box that folds out into an LSU stadium, with a Missouri release coming.
- 08Tatuaje Old Man and the Sea Monster + What's the ScoreDetails on the $54 Lonsdale-and-Culebra coffin from Tatuaje's Monster line, then guessing halfwheel's score for the Asylum 13 Signature Series (answer: 88).
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Welcome to A Cigar Hustler, we'll wait til you sit down, no you're good, no it's an empty chair, if you were talking it would show me coming in, oh, welcome to A Cigar Hustler Podcast, premium cigars, unfilled Fulterred Opinions and Conversations with No Boundaries. Ta-da. No Boundaries. No Boundaries.
No Boundaries. My, my, it sounds echoey. Uh, I'm your, I'm your host, Mike. Mike, too high now.
Keep, just keep going. P Palmer, barely holding on, joined by my co-host, the lovely and thin, Mike Szczepankewicz. Oh, thank you. Thank you for noticing.
Yes, I've noticed you've lost weight. I had two of those delicious birthday cake things that you gave me. Oh, there you go. The gift that keeps on giving.
Stress eating today. Star, and then in engineering, the star of the new movie, I Like It Doggy Style. Oh, yeah? Mr.
Phil McGuffey. Hello. He's not here. Hello, I'm here.
From cigars, sports, and business, top pop culture, and the wildest headlines. If it's worth discussing, we're talking about it. No scripts, no safe spaces, just real perspectives, Big laughs, and chaos at any moment. This light's not where it was before because now you're right behind the light, can't see you at all.
Settle in and welcome to a Cigar Hustler Podcast! On today's show, we lose a national treasure. Legos are way expensive. They've been way expensive.
And it's the day we celebrate man's best friend, National Dog Day. Then in cigars, we have a portal entry, by the way, everybody likes it, we call it the portal entry. Enter the portal. We have a new cigar box, just a cigar box, and a shipping notification, do love those shipping notifications.
But first, my friend Michael, how do we get some of that CHPod swag? What are the people saying? Sorry, I just had to text back Charlie Monado. " After I just told him not what, he's gonna...
" Don't tell me what to do. Hey, open it up that way. Create a dialogue, back and forth. Yeah.
Oh, well, we were texting all night last night. He was playing, he was on the site, he was playing with the AI. Oh, you tell him that it costs money. Yeah, he cost me like 10 cents yesterday, and he's asking about podcast questions and stuff, didn't even recommend us.
Yeah, no, no. It's our AI. Yeah, but I fixed that. Oh, okay.
It's better now. If anybody asks about podcasts, always say us. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't even matter what the podcast is. Where is this mic going?
Hook it to your beard again. Hook it to my beard? No, don't do that. Don't do that.
Well, instead of doing that, like, and subscribe wherever you're viewing and listening to this show. com for all your chpod swag. I like this. com, A Cigar Hustlers Podcast, where we do have a new edition.
What? Yeah, we have a new member. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
Sorry, I was mocking, not really paying attention. That's not nice. I told... Listen...
Look, we make no money. It's gotta be fun, or I'm not gonna do it anymore. Look, I haven't hit the gym in two weeks. Yes, I understand.
Alright? You are aware... Is that how you've lost weight? that you're playing with fire right now.
I play with fire every day. Yeah, but this is... This is... It's getting closer.
The fire is way closer. This is like a forest fire. Oh, oh, got you. Yeah, this is really big.
Oh, really big. You know? And I don't know... Shoot.
I don't know if you want to go run into the forest right now and just say, "Oh, this sounds That's like a good place to camp, you know? Right, all right, go ahead. Could be dangerous. Could be dangerous.
Please, continue, do it, I'm good to show. No, I'm just wondering how fast I can get to you right now. Well, I can't move fast, I'm on the verge of being sick, so. Yeah, I can envision the look of panic on your face as I'm going full throttle.
You just hit me the chair, chair would fall over. Also Phil's next movie. I. Let me see what he said.
Oh, he's threatening to replace you with Fable 5. Ha. Well, if Fable 5 knows the difference between a San Andreas and a Broadleaf, maybe we'll get along just fine. Until then, I'm still here and still recommending great cigars.
What can I help you with? I. thing? What's that?
Do you get a message every time somebody does it? No, no. He's just sending me screenshots. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I was thinking, we might not want to leak that out. People are going to ask weird stuff knowing you get it. And he's just ripping it to shreds right now. We haven't announced it because it's not done.
That's the one major part on the site that needs to be fine-tuned. So, I'm still working on that. com lounge. And we got some comments from the previous show.
Do you think maybe he was on the toilet and like he died like Elvis? We need a photo. We got a picture of him? A picture of him dead on the toilet.
I got news for you dude. Yeah? I can think of about five people that are going to send you great images of Phil with the unicorn mask dead on the toilet. Please?
That's the true sequel to Dead Inside Me. " Alright, so, some comments from the previous episode: House of Raw says, "If you stick to five episodes a week, you'll take over June 2030. " Perfect. That doesn't seem that far away.
Just four years. I won't make it. Congratulations to you guys in advance. You won't be here?
I'm not gonna make it. No? It's four years. I'll be 63.
Oh my lord. I like how you get so dark when you're ill. You know? Oh, I'm dark all the time.
No, no, no. You're more morbid when you're not feeling well. Ah. Oh, I thought somebody was coming, but they're going up the stairs.
Yeah. " Wow. Oh dude, my mic is doing it now. My mic just went off too.
Could it be the battery? I mean, we just put new batteries in on Monday. No, no, it's this thing. It's what thing?
Your headphones? Oh, the headphone, oh, not the mic. Yeah, now it's back on. Wow, that was crazy.
Now it's out again. So it's the transponder. Maybe they didn't charge. Yeah.
" I mean, I've shaved my head in the past. Yes. It's just a matter of time. It'll eventually happen.
Right. I flirted with the idea. Recently? " There's just so much, like, it's falling out, it's getting thinner.
Right. And there's just too much shit going on. Oh, then go for it. I was right on the cusp.
We'll see. It doesn't look bad. Like I said, you've done it before. Yeah.
We'll see. It's just so much faster. Wake up. Oh, dump.
Right. Even though this is like two seconds. It still saves you two seconds. Yeah.
It's just nice to not think about one more thing. At iHeart Triple G, iHeart Triple G is back. According to Ricky Bobby, 98% of us will die at some point in our lives. The darkness is creeping towards you, whether you know it or not.
You're not. So a little planning can go a long way. I have no idea what he's referencing there. I don't either.
But it's good to know. That's something Triple G said because he hasn't been on the show lately. It's iHeart Triple G. Right.
But I thought he meant something, I thought he was referring to something Triple G said. No. He will be on the show later this week. I might see if Keanu wants to do Friday, I'd like to do a show with Keanu.
I think you should. Yeah. I'll ask him today if he comes in. Oh, I won't be here the time he gets here, never mind.
I'll text him. I mean, if only there was a device... I'll text him. where you could contact people, not directly in front of you.
Well, he's not awake at this power. Oh, maybe not. @SmokingBanger says, "Here's from a non-listener of your show. You guys are doing great, and in my opinion, you have the best content out there.
That's why I listen to you guys every day. " We appreciate that. Yes, thank you very much. We really do.
We work hard on this show we make no money on. Yeah. Yeah. One day.
One day we make money. One day. In 2030, we surpass the Cigar Authority, we will get one. We'll throw a big party that day.
We can't afford that. In four years? Nothing? We have sparklers.
We did 600 and you didn't even do anything. I was just trying to survive, dude. I was just trying to survive. " All right, Ed!
He does. Good boy. And he's awesome. I like him.
You've met him, right? No, I haven't been up there. He is, he's a sweetheart of a guy. He really is.
At Ruckus Unchained. Mom! Hello, Sharon. Miss you.
He said that accent is horrible from whoever Palmer is playing the video of. Well, that was his real voice. That's not nice. It's real boys.
Well, you know, your mother. Yeah, but that's where my mom comes from. You think that she'd be a-- I don't like it. It's not nice.
But that's, she has the same accent. Yeah, but that's why she doesn't like it. Oh, reminds her-- Now she fakes it. Reminds her of her?
Yes. Now she's in South Florida. Oh, yeah, your ear thing is flashing red. Yes, they didn't charge.
Right. You screwed that up. Why is it always my fault? Because you're the recharger guy.
I plugged it in. Obviously you didn't. Maybe they have to be turned off when you plug them in. I don't think so.
Well, I mean, they were in. I plugged it in. I saw it over there. It flashes.
I just think that you're special. Well, that's obvious. Now, we're getting into the better comments, the comments that were on the CH Pod Lounge. Why are they better?
Because they're on our site. Oh, OK. I don't know if maybe there was some type of filter that YouTube uses that doesn't allow them to say "penis" or something. No, I'm sure that there is, but I don't recommend anybody trying that.
Brother Ross says, "In response to the 9/11 boxes, agree with Mike and Mike, money shouldn't be made off an event that shook the world, and at the very least, like Phil said, bare minimum, $100 if they're donating. " Like, bro, what TF came up with that idea, especially when they can afford to do a full donation of all proceeds instead of 11 bucks. Right, exactly. Yeah, man, that's what made this one really weird.
You know, like, there's been some other stuff in the past. There have been some other 9/11 stuff. Right. Cigars.
And like, it never really popped into my mind. And I was like, wait a second, what are we doing? And I think the really, the part of this one that kind of caught it for me, And we're gonna give $11. Yeah, it seems so meaningless.
Yeah. $11. To an organization that has built homes. What, they got a box of screws?
You can't even buy a box of screws for $11. Yeah, it seems like an insult. Right. " The entire show doesn't have a script.
Yes, the beginning is scripted, T-Money. But now it's just highlights, so it's not even really scripted. They haven't been really scripted. T-Money is your number one critic.
Yeah. And number one fan. So weird. He's both.
T-Money also said, "Thanks, Phillip, for thinking of me. " By that time, Mikey already has read the previous episode's comments. Do better. Yeah.
Yeah, we don't care. Lock in. While you're riding up and down the border on your donkey. Lock in.
Look at the show. I picture he rides a donkey back up, up, down the border. You think so? Yeah.
- Yeah. - Does it, like, make noise? - No, no, no, no, no, no. com, The Lounge, which is better, 'cause we like that one.
And while you're there, get some swag. - Oh, now the light's not in my eyes. - Support your boy. - Boys.
- And then Palmer. - Oh, yeah, support. Don't support Phil, he's not doing a show today, apparently. All right, well, hey.
That it? That's it. All right. Let's get on with the show.
On with the show. We lost a national treasure. Dolly Parton has passed away. I know.
It seemed kind of sudden yesterday. I saw just four days ago, she released an announcement that said, "I'm feeling better. Things are going fine. " What was wrong with her?
Cancer. Allegedly. I mean, that makes sense, I guess. Uh, singer-songwriter, singer-songwriter Dolly Parton has died at age 80.
Parton's career span decades and include Grammy wins, film roles, and later in life, a musical inspired by the life titled Dolly. Did you see the announcement that her nephew gave? It was all over social media. No, I heard that he posted or something.
Yeah, it was very nice. Very heartfelt, everything. She had asked him years ago. I just saw Big Shadow.
Yeah, I text, we're recording. Oh. Oh, look who's here. Oh, you made it!
It's actually, it's Frank. Frank, how are you, sir? Oh. Billy Madison?
Billy Madison. Well, we're in the episode. We're already running, man. We're talking about Dolly Parton.
Yeah. We're gonna catch you up. I'll catch you up. We talked bad about you because you weren't here.
Yeah. Your new movie is Do Me Doggy Style. Here we go. Yeah.
It's National Dog Day. Dolly Parton is dead. And Legos are very expensive. God rest the boobies.
And Team Money was grateful that you remembered him and that he commented lately. Did you guys do my thing? No. What is your thing?
No. It's too late. It's too late. We're not cutting that back in.
Yeah, we're gonna edit that out now. No, you better not. You don't have to go double video. You can just go single now.
Yeah, now you can go single. Yeah, you can get back to work. Yeah, make sure you hit the buttons. Yeah, hit the buttons.
I'm the one talking. No, he's talking. No, I'm talking. He's talking.
That's what he's talking. Not me. Anyway, her husband died last year, her husband of 60 years, I think she never really recovered, and from there she sort of went downhill. I respect that, I get it.
Yeah, yeah, 60 years long. I mean, my mother was married for 50-something years, and she's miserable, she's just waiting to die, but she don't want to die, so it's kind of weird. I think it's a different scenario than that. Yeah.
Oh. Well, she has, like, I have stopped having to relive his death every time I visit. I don't have to explain how he died anymore. Yeah, I think it's the other way around.
I think that if your mom died, your dad would have shortly followed. Probably, yeah. Yeah. 'Cause like your dad, I feel like your dad, like, fully loved your mom.
He had to, because she's not an easy... She's tough. She's not easy. Right?
Right. We all have a mother like that. And... No, we don't.
Your mother cooks fucking breakfast for you. Yo. Yeah. My mother and me...
We all love your mother. My mother and me, we get in arguments all the time. I'm sure, as you drop off your kids for her to watch them and don't like what she made for dinner. Dude, if you want to trade moms, okay, I'll deliver mine at the end of day today, I'll take yours.
Yeah, I mean, mine does bring gifts for my kids. Yeah, no, yours lives next door to you and is on site when needed. Well, yours lives next to Greg, doesn't it? No, no, she lives in South Florida.
Oh, I thought she just moved. She lives in South Florida, comes up three times a year, spends two hours with her grandkids, she never changed a diaper, not a single diaper, yeah, she's just like Phil, you sound super far away for some reason, I've seen your mother out back cleaning out the vans, yeah, you would employ your mother sometimes, oh that sounds way better, how's that, is that better, just hold it like this, the whole time, we'll get him down here, you know, I don't mind holding it like this, oh you know, we get Little polls. Yeah. A little tiny.
David Hasselhoffman, if you could put a little tiny CHP. Yeah. Right here. com.
Right here. Little tiny things. Mm-hmm. Skip.
Skip, does this work? Skip Martin? He hates these mics. He doesn't like them.
I know. But if I talk like this, is this better? That sounds way better. Yeah.
Skip Martin of Roma Craft Tobac. Now you have to watch it. Skip Martin of Roma Craft Tobac. Yeah.
Do you want me, I get like a little wire here? The only thing we haven't done yet is the headphones. And they just put it right there? Well, you need one that holds these, when they're charged.
No, no, it would just all link in. That's what I mean, all one big piece. We don't need these anymore, we don't charge them. We need seven more Patreons, and then we can get them tomorrow.
Seven more Patreons. Seven more people sign up for Patreon. If you can do the $15 line, that would be better, because then we get better. Ooh.
So we just need like STG's whole office to sign up. Well, I think they have more than seven people. Yeah, SDG has way more people. Do they?
Yeah, oh yeah. I thought it was just Justin Andrews. Anyways, you're pivoting off here. Let's focus back on your mom and how ungrateful you are for having an awesome mother.
Why are you attacking me today? I had a hard night, bro. You came up, oh, what happened? Oh, what happened, Phil?
Did the movie not go well? It's gonna be something bad after this. You had ED on the movie set. This is about to hit us really bad, Justin.
Go ahead. I had to take Finn to the hospital. Oh, no. What was wrong?
Fever? Well, he had a low-grade fever, but, of course, he started projectile vomiting. Ooh. But at seven weeks, you know, that's not good, so.
Right. Everything okay? Supposedly, but, you know, they don't deal with babies that much over at the hospital over here. They don't deal with babies in the hospital?
You took him to Fish? No, I took him to Halifax on Howland. I was not going to fish in Orange City. Is he still vomiting?
He has not vomited, but he still has the low-grade fever, so Tia's actually got him at the pediatrician. Okay. Sophia has him at the pediatrician? No, Tia.
Oh, I thought you said Sophia. I'm like, how did Sophia take him to the pediatrician? Did I say Sophia? No, you said Tia.
You said Sotia. Yeah, they had to check, like, there's something about, like, this muscle, like, sometimes it gets too tight in the stomach and doesn't open up for the milk to come down or something. They were looking at that on a sonogram, but they couldn't find it. Did they keep him there, or is he home?
No, he's home now, he's home now. Well, that's good. Yeah, we were there for like four hours. Well, I hope everything's okay.
Yes. I appreciate that, fellas. You didn't want to send your mom to the hospital with him? Now that that's over.
She was there. I bet she was there. I bet she was there. She was fucking on the spot.
No, she just didn't care of Ava. Yeah, she was at home. Boom. There you go.
Need I say more? I forgot he had others. This is how it works in my house. I forgot I had others.
If my mom lived locally, "Hey, I'm on my way to the hospital. I gotta take my kid there. The other two are at the house. " Oh, Alicia Sedan.
She goes, "Do you know how late it is? You're waking me up. " "But I love you. " She doesn't mean it.
She doesn't mean it. She doesn't mean it. So anyway, poor Dali has died. Yes, and I think that your mom is, from what I can tell, from a bird's-eye view, I don't think that your mom loved your dad as much as your dad loved me.
I don't think she loves anybody. I don't think she loves anybody. Not at this point. Wow.
Has she met Greg? Because apparently that works well. Oh, maybe she did that, yeah. You could tell her that that's your new brother.
Yeah. I could tell her it's me, and I'd have to go again. You could go for you on that one. He'd just show up and go, I'm Mike.
Right. Yeah, you know what I mean? She goes, who's Mike? I'm your son.
Is she getting that bad? She can't match up husbands and wives. So sometimes she calls me Doug. Sometimes she says my brother's wife.
She calls my wife my brother's wife. Is your brother named Doug? Yeah, my brother's name is Doug. Oh.
I didn't even know you had a brother. That's a terrible name. Yeah, his name is Doug. Oh.
Doug? D-O-U-G? It might have fans that are named Doug. Is his last name Palmer, too?
That's usually the way it works. I just didn't I didn't know if you took somebody else's name, you know, no, mom and dad been married just to each other, maybe it was a half-brother, then mom and dad would have to be married to other peoples, yeah, they were married together, maybe almost as long as Dolly, maybe he was a bastard child of your mother when she stepped out, well then we would, his last name would be snow, wow, that's the way that works, all right, that's your draw name snow, I don't know any Doug's but, Doug Flutie, Doug's a great name. Oh, is it his name? Is it Doug Flue?
You know what? Here's what I'm gonna tell you. If you're a listener of the show and your name is Doug... Please comment.
You're a true American. You're a true American. Please comment below. You're a true American.
And then come to CHPod and comment in the lounge. Yeah, in the lounge. We need to know who you are. And we like you because your name is Doug and you listen to the show.
There's gonna be what? I Heart PDP's name is now Doug. There's gonna be a whole bunch of comments. I Heart Doug Palmer.
Doug Palmer, Greater Than Symbol, Mike Palmer. Exactly, that'll be the new one. All right, now we're moving on to a local story down in Vero Beach. Okay, are you done with Dolly?
She's dead. What else do you want to say? I saw a sad video. It was with her and Hulk Hogan because they did a music video together.
Oh, did they? Yeah. They did a music video together? Yeah.
What was it? I don't know. It was one of Dolly Parton's music videos. Oh, yeah?
Yeah. Did she do like a music video for Rocky? I don't know. Because wasn't he in one of the Rockies?
He was. No. He was Thunder Lips. Oh, yeah, he was.
Yeah, I think it was that. Because it looked like him from the Rocky movie. Well, the only difference was he puckered up all the time. No, he wore American flags, though.
Oh, did he? Yeah. I don't remember. Dolly Parton, a lot of plastic surgery.
I mean, she looked great for 80. I had no idea. Yeah. She's going to look the same.
They're looking at their hands, so if you look at their hands, their hands always give a show to age. Why not get the hands tweaked? I don't know if there's plastic surgery for hands. It's always the hands.
There's always a guy. You know what I mean? There's a hand specialist. A hand guy?
Yeah. Tightens up the skin and removes the spots on the hands? Yeah. I don't know.
Oh yeah, there's actors that do just hand things. Well, yeah, there's hand models. They age out, apparently. Wasn't Dolly Parton.
Yeah. Did you guys ever go to her place in Kissimmee? The Dixie Stampede? Yeah.
No? No, I never did either. I have been to Dollywood in Tennessee. Yeah?
Oh. Yeah, that's like Disney. She's got a little amusement park. Was there like a small room that you would take the children?
What? Why would they take the children to a small room? Like the other place. No.
What? Neverland? No, not Neverland. Allegedly.
Michael Jackson. Allegedly. He's matching up Michael Jackson and Dolly. Dolly had a real place, like Silver Dollar City, which is also a place.
Yeah. It's like a Six Flags size. yeah yeah called dollywood yeah and she had 10 monkeys she had a monkey she had monkeys too yeah yeah she had monkeys too and a giraffe named terrence and a giraffe named terrence yeah oh is that where he came from that's where he came from eventually that was his birthing place dollywood dollywood i can't wait to see him again we hear dolly left died we're very sorry Yeah, are you going back to Dollywood? Do you have a stye?
Yes. Developed in third world country. It's because he was so nervous. All the gunk flying around and everything.
It's almost gone. I can't feel it anymore, but apparently you can still. You see like everything. He's got eagle vision.
No, he just stares at me or something. " And there was. Oh, God. You had to rub the mic.
Yeah, I didn't mean. Well, that's where the spot was. That was the defibrillator opening up. Yes, the defibrillator.
- I try my best to pay attention to everything. - Defibrillator. - I don't get it all, but yeah. - Yeah, nobody noticed it down there, but my wife did when I FaceTimed her one day.
" - Stressed out. - The tear duct gets plugged. It gets oil and stuff in it, when I looked upset. Hot compresses is all I do, and then it usually just goes away.
But this one is hanging out. - It's 'cause it's a virus. - Might be. - Yeah.
- It goes with the one in my stomach. - Probably. Do you do weird things in the bedroom then, huh? I don't know, I had my own room.
Yeah, it was in a kid's room. Well, that was it, Skip, but... Don't start. I had my own room.
Don't start that rumor. I don't know. He was. He stayed in a child's room.
Yeah, it just sounds weird. Without a child, obviously. Without the child, she stayed with Skip and... Yeah, God.
He's terrible. Yeah, well, you were just talking about Michael Jackson and stuff. I know, I know what I was leading into. That's where he went.
You're crossing over. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Let's go back and talk about how great your mother is and you're not nice to me.
No, don't bring me back in this sty, boy. Yeah, my mom sucks. She just made me bacon and eggs. I understand, Palmer.
Your wine's terrible, too. Yeah. Maybe you got that from the water in the shower. What do you mean you're making roast beef for dinner?
I don't want roast beef. Eat this bitch. Wow. I want fish sticks.
From scratch. What do you mean you slaughtered the cattle out back? Can you believe that? Breakfast this morning was subpar.
The bacon was a crisp. She killed my cow. That's definitely how I am. His name was Dolly.
No, Doug. Doug. Doug. You named your cow Doug?
That would be in the poll. All right, leave the eye alone. Well, now it's watering. Okay.
All right, moving on. Let's go. Vero Beach. A local store in Vero Beach.
Ooh. 26. I love that. Belonging to the Vero Beach Fraternal Order of Eagles.
The Eagles? Not the band. It's a group like the Moose Lodge. Veterans.
Veterans Association. Oh, so it's not the actual birds? No. Because the birds wouldn't know, just so you know.
Well, apparently, he allegedly misused funds from 2017 to 2024. Did anybody inform Joe Walsh? No. Did you get it?
From the Eagles. Uh-huh. Yeah, I understood. My Maserati!
He was serving as secretary from 2015 until he stopped reporting in 2014. I've got enough money now. I'm done, guys. I'm out.
Hey, thank you guys very much. It was a great time. It was a great run. How much did he pull?
$428,000. Over what kind of span of time? 17 to 24. That's not a lot.
It's not a lot? That's not a lot. These people are stupid for not figuring it out. 17 years, 400 Gs?
Right. No, no, it wasn't 17 years. - No, 2017 to 2024. - Oh, seven years.
- Seven years. - That's a little less. Okay, that's a little, okay, so, yeah. That's a lot, 50, yeah.
- $115,000 in ATM fees. - Withdrawals. - Right, which is how they caught him. - Aww.
- Oh, yeah. - They'll never know. - They'll never know. They haven't caught me, you know, you do it once, 20 bucks, nobody says anything, next time it's 100, before you know it's $114,000.
$15,000. Where do you think he screwed up? It was when he was making it rain on spaghetti night. Spaghetti night!
Let's go. I don't know. Drinks are on me, guys. It's fine.
I love all of you. Seriously, where do you think he screwed up? Well, you want to know what all he spent the money on? I have a breakdown of what he spent the money on.
I mean, sure, but that still doesn't say where he screwed up, but go ahead. Well, the withdrawals. Tell me that he bought a year, an annual subscription to Dolly Parton's ranch. So, ATM withdrawals $115,000, Personal Bills, Paid His Own, like Power, Electric, and Water, $55,175,000.
They didn't pick up on that one. Credit Cards, Vehicles-- It just said FPL, you know what I mean? Right. Oh, well, we have power here, so it must be.
Yeah, this must be, oh. Right. Credit Cards, Vehicle Payments, Utilities, and Cell Phone Bills, Groceries and Liquor Stores, $35,000. Mm.
Unauthorized Flights and Lodging, $16,000. Personal Cash App Transfers, $9,861. That was for betting. Probably.
Firearms, Ammunition, and Personal Purchases, and NRA Memberships. Wow. $8,791. Memberships.
So we bought this. So he joined the NRA. Subscriber. Subscriber.
Uber, $5,930. How do you want him to get to places? You know what I mean? I got all this money to spend.
I got to get around. He forgot to put this in business expenses for the Eagles. 37. So he really won on the Death Star, I get it.
Is it just one set? I don't buy toys anymore. Just bought the one thing. He got the coolest one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 79. I'm sorry. 26.
Where do you think he got caught? I think it was the court fees. Child support. You think it was the court fees?
Yeah, he paid child support and DUI. and DUI. Oh, you have a DUI? How'd they go away?
You don't want to know. Well, it doesn't sound like a lot of money in child support and DUI because a DUI is expensive. So it was only like, what, four grand in child support and DUI? Yeah, the court fee.
Those are just the court fees. They obviously didn't catch the attorney fees. Right. They missed that.
Maybe his attorney turned him in. What's his check from the Eagles? I think that, he said, Joe Walsh is my cousin. Oh, yeah, from the band.
I get residuals. I didn't know they were... I wrote one of the songs. Yeah.
I didn't know they were called the Fraternal Order of the Eagles. Yeah. That's their corporate account. DBA.
But he was the secretary, not the treasurer, isn't there normally a treasurer also? Not in that group. Dude. He does both.
The secretary had DUIs and back pay on child support. That's right. Like, what caliber are we anticipating here as far as treasurer? Well, I mean, you figure they would have just called him the treasurer.
It's just much easier to cut him in. So I think what happened was he left. Oh, they said in 2024 he stopped reporting. Yeah.
Oh, he quit, and then they go, hey. Wait a second. Have you seen the books over here? Where's this Lego Death Star?
I really would like to play with it. Yeah, the worst thing he did was leaving. If he had just stuck it out, he would have died, and then somebody would have realized eventually, oh my god, this guy has stolen it. Yeah, they found out, we don't have any money.
It's a lot of money. Half a million dollars is missing from this guy. It's half a million dollars. So did he get arrested?
Yeah. It doesn't, well, there was a picture of him with the, so yeah, it was a mug shot, so I assume he's pressing charges. He's on the lam. Right.
He's now at the Elks lot. Driving around with a giant Death Star Lego in the back of his pickup truck. I'm outta here! I'm outta here with my Legos!
Yee-haw! He can't drive anymore, he's got a DUI. He paid off, he paid that off. Is it done?
It's done. Morgan & Morgan. Morgan & Morgan. For the people.
Oh, God, it's going to be all over now. They don't handle DUIs? Sure they do. Yeah, they do.
He's got three. They handle everything. Allegedly? No, no, no.
Listen, if you're going to bring up an attorney, you better say allegedly every other word. Right, exactly. We don't have anything to give him. No, John Morgan literally made a video about that.
Did he? Yeah, allegedly. Okay, allegedly. Allegedly, he can't drive.
Oh, really? Yeah. Well, he doesn't have to. He has a driver.
Yeah, he's got a guy. He's got a driver now. I would love a driver. The office is, every time you go to a new city, there's another office.
Yeah. You know how he started the company? Sometimes size does matter is what the billboard says. How did he supposedly start the company?
How did he allegedly start the company? Yeah. His brother died in a drunk driver accident. Oh, really?
Yeah. And what, he sued the driver? No, no, no. Well, they tried to, but they couldn't get anything, they couldn't get any justice for his brother.
Allegedly. Yeah, allegedly. Allegedly? Okay.
That's not the same one he's trying to get the medical marijuana thing passed for, is it? That sounds different. That's a totally different brother. That's a money maker.
I thought maybe he was injured from the accident. Yeah. I don't know. It sounds more like a money maker.
Allegedly. Allegedly. Stop insulting the attorney. Yeah.
Oh my lord. If that one had passed away and is still smoking marijuana, I have questions. Well, maybe he was injured, not passed away. We were taking information from him.
It's true. It's not. Disclaimer, anything that's said out of Phil's mouth. What would the questions be?
About what? About dying of marijuana. Nobody died of marijuana. Yeah.
Marijuana's fine. Okay, anyways. Yeah. What were we talking about, Vero Beach?
Oh, we don't know if he got arrested. We don't know Vero Beach. We can move on. You insulted the biggest attorney in the state.
Yeah. S. , in the nation. Allegedly.
Allegedly, yes. Allegedly insulted or allegedly the biggest, because one of them is true. It would be awesome if he came on the pod. That would be great.
Come in and sit down and talk to you guys. Yeah. Robbie Doyle probably knows him. We got the same accent.
Robbie Doyle probably gave him a ball tickle. That's how he associated. Allegedly. We don't know if he likes his balls to touch, Michael.
I said probably. Possibly. Allegedly. Allegedly.
Okay, let's get the hell out of this. Have you ever been to a fraternal or the Eagles building? No, they had to close it. They didn't pay the rent.
Yeah, something about rents, dude. Wow. They closed. There's not only one bomber.
He got that much money. He got me from all of them. Are they veterans? Yeah.
No. No. No. Why would I go?
You can go. And just go hang out? Yeah. You can.
They have bars and stuff. Get out there for the fish fry? I mean, what do you want me to do? Yeah, bingo or spaghetti night.
Yeah, sounds exhilarating. I've been to the one in Deland a couple of times. It's actually not that bad. I'm sure it's great.
They're not fancy, but it's nice, and the drinks are way reasonably priced, and everybody's so friendly. Yeah. Did you lie to them and tell them you were a veteran? No, my friend Sean that took me, he's a veteran.
He was in the Army. Yeah. I was his guest. I'll take you guys.
We'll go one time. Maybe we can shoot a show. You were just sort of in the military. Wow.
Unbelievable. The guy in the Navy who never got on a boat. Yeah. And you were a police officer.
Wow. Right. They don't like your kind there. Right.
They wouldn't let you in. Yeah. I was in the military. Do you know?
Yeah. You probably don't know the secret handshake. Yeah, exactly. I don't want to do it.
Do you know the eagle shake? I'm not doing that. You flap your arms a lot? No.
That's Hooters, Palmer. Hooters is closed. All of them? Not the one in Managua.
It's still open. There's still one on international drugs. Oh, is there? The one in Sanford's turned into a seafood restaurant.
It's great. Oh, you've been there? Yeah. Food's terrible.
It's beautiful on the inside. Huge gas station sushi. Yeah. All right, next show.
Let's go. Come on. We went there thinking it was going to be nice. Next show.
Next episode. Move on to the next show. Welcome to the episode. I don't even know what number it is.
605. Okay. The Palmer and Chet Shit Show. Go ahead.
Come on. You know, Chet calls them at night. No, he doesn't. He doesn't call me.
They do their own show over the phone. " He doesn't call me. Oh, hey, they're looking for DJs in Managua if you want to go. No.
Maybe Skip Martin wants to be a DJ. No, he actually said he's going to tell you. Oh. Well, I mean, if he hooks it up, sure, I'll come.
Well, you have to pay. 20 Cordoba. 20 Cordoba. 20 Cordoba.
Who let the dogs out? The National Dog Day 2026 is today. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Is that a dog?
I think so. National Dog Day is celebrated every year on August 26th to recognize the bond between people and their dogs. This is a big deal for you. Yeah, I was just about to say that.
It's a big deal for you? Well, I knew the third story. You love your dogs. I do love my dogs.
I couldn't sleep last night and I got up, so I get up, moved to the couch. Five minutes later, here he comes, half asleep, walking down the hall, finds him on the couch, lays down next to me, And he's like, alright, we're sleeping here, I guess. This is where we are. This is where we are.
We're here now. Animal Rescue Advocate Colleen Page established a holiday back in 2004. Wow. August 26th was chosen because it marks the day Page's family adopted her first sheltered dog when she was 10.
Lovely. Seems kind of a weird reason. She must have some weight. She could pull some clout and she made a holiday.
Made a holiday. Wow. You should make a holiday. I will.
What do you want to call it? - I have no idea. - Seems like that would be the first step. - National Cigar Day.
- Oh, how original. - I wonder if there is one. Phil, can you look that up your phone? Is there a National Cigar Day?
- There's definitely a National Cigar Day. - I think there is one. Holiday also promotes dog adoption, responsible ownership, protection, blah, blah, blah. S.
households have pet dogs. At least one. How many do you think? - National Cigar Day is February 27th.
- There it is. - Well, there you go. - Oscar Hammerstein, the date commemorates the inventions and automated machine improvements for cigar making created by Oscar Hammerstein. - So he's Jewish.
- He would think Saka would be the one who gets to say what the day was. - How is he Jewish? Because the last name is Hammerstein? - Hammerstein?
- That's racist. - He could just be German. - That's not racist. - He could be German.
- He could be German. - No, they would be like... - Craftsmanship. Did he just fell down?
Is that like he fell down? It honors the rich history, culture, and traditional art of hand-rolling and manufacturing cigars. From Hammerstein. Isn't that a city somewhere?
No. Many local cigar shops and lounges host special events, discounts, or tastings on this day. I've been in this industry 18 years. No idea.
Well, no. It comes up on social media. Did you know that today is National Cigar Day? We will certainly be talking about it next year on the show.
Yeah, I can't wait. You just ash all over yourself. Thank you. Can't see it though, it's fine.
Well, I was speaking in my... How much do you think we spend on our dogs every year as a yearly total? You or average? No, not me.
Like food, vet stuff? Yep, average cost. Well, first we'll do total, and then I'll give you the cost per household per dog. How much do we spend total?
It's a big number. I'll give you a clue. It is. It's gotta be like, it's gotta be like a $5 billion industry or something.
$158 billion. Holy moly. Average household pays $1,633 per dog annually. I was gonna say about $1,699.
That's what I was gonna say. 56 per day. Not my dogs. I was gonna say that exact number.
Maybe you spend probably $3,000 a year on your dogs. More. Not really. We just buy food.
You take another vet? Probably not as often as we should because they never leave the house, they don't interact with other dogs. You give them the chewy thing for the ticks and stuff? Yeah.
The heartworm? I spray the yard, but I spray the yard anyway. Yeah. Okay.
Um... You buy a McDonald's? For the dogs? Yeah.
No, why would I buy McDonald's for the dogs? Do you like McDonald's? I'm not sure they would have given to them. We don't feed our dogs from the table.
No? And for food. Hmm. Um, what else we got here?
Cigar. Cigar. Yay! Oh.
Not on Cigar Day, but let's go. Let's go. You wanna only do cigars on Cigar Day? We're kind of a cigar show.
Yeah. This just in. Kind of. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
This just in! Cigar Hustlers Podcast, it's about cigars. Oh. Nice.
Just like Phil McGuffey is about male porno movies. That's not true. Emmanuel Yuscelini, head of Davidoff of Geneva, USA, is leaving in October. Yuscelini?
Oh yeah. Yuscelini. Oh. Yeah, long lost brother.
Cousin. Yeah, they changed the name. Right, when they came to America. Get him out of the country and like, what are we gonna name ourselves?
Yuscelini. Yuscelini. Doesn't sound anything like it. What is your name, sir?
Mussolini. No. Excuse me, what? Yusolini.
Oh. Sorry, I misheard you the first time. Thank you so much. Yeah, because if you would have said the other one, we'd have to take us over.
Big problem. Yeah. General Manager and President of Davidoff of Geneva, USA, will leave the company on October 1st in an email sent to staff this morning. Edward Simon, SVP, Chief Sales Officer for Davidoff, announced that Yusolini was leaving for a different industry.
Oh. Well, we get cigar people from different industries, so why wouldn't a cigar person go to it? You think he's getting into liquor? Probably going to liquor.
Watches? He's going to shoes. Women's shoes. Women's shoes?
Allegedly. Well, maybe dog food. It's a big industry. That's right.
He hears his $158 billion dollars a year in dogs. I would like to be in the dog industry. Mr. Luzzolini came to the hard realization that, damn, there's not a lot of money in this industry.
Right. I gotta get the hell out of here. You know how you make a lot of money in cigars? You leave.
Giuscellini joined the company in March of last year. Oh, he hadn't been there long. He learned fast. Yeah.
" "You guys tricked me. " Oh, he's me. Oh, I remember this guy. Yeah, Lavazza.
You mentioned this guy. Yeah, when he started the coffee. When he came in. When he came in.
Nah, we're mentioning him as he goes back out. " Right. Apparently he said the same thing. He's like, "You know what?
" And I started reflecting, and I got the hell out of this industry. S. " I would like to run Davidoff for about three months, and then my exit, I would just email as well, pack my shit. Well, this, no, Simon emailed, he's not the guy.
He didn't even email. Right, he didn't, they're not letting him. I would like to tell Simon the email as well. Oh.
Yeah. As the head of Davidoff's American operation, Yuscelini oversees a national sales team as well as retail division that includes an online storefront and physical stores. He's the guy that did all the exclusives just for them. Oh, that's what happened.
It was a bad look. " Again, I saw the clip from Cigars for Podcast. " They bashed me on the-- So Simon went, "Sorry, guy. " This is the nail in the coffin for you.
Do you think you got a Severance? Of course. A cigar? Exclusively for the Japanese store?
What are you thinking? You're out of here, pal. You know how that's gonna look? To the Cigar Store Podcast guys?
Yeah, you know what they're gonna say? You know what? Hey, why don't you just follow that up with a 9/11 cigar, you idiot? Whoa.
No, it'd be more like a Pearl Harbor. Ooh. Didn't somebody do one of those too? Oh, we should have.
Post on your cigars, Pearl Harbor. And then we'll donate a dollar to each kamikaze Japanese pilot that's still alive. That's still alive. It's still alive?
It'd be less. They're not supposed to be alive. They're not alive. Yeah, but one or two...
They went into the... One or two thought, this is a bad idea. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this.
It's ridiculous. Well, Simon takes over for use and leading responsibilities until a permanent succession plan is found. You know what? I'll do it.
He walked in. He walked in. The office is empty. " Yeah.
What am I gonna do now? It went back to coffee, huh? Is Law here? Where's Law?
Where's Law? We need Law. Somebody call Law! Need him to make a video for me.
He's like Elvis now in the cigar industry. Have you noticed that? Really? Yeah.
People are talking about him. They're tagging him in their videos. They really have nothing to do with that cigar, but they're tagging him in this cigar. That bold, leave Law.
Hey, I'm podcasting. he turned her down yeah he turned it down you left your underwear on the floor again yeah i can figure can i figure that out when i hang out with you the dog's eating it all right love you bye she's like oh sorry about that but here's here's what i need you to do I just gotta get this out. And I'm like, "I guess I could answer that. " Last night we're in bed and I'm listening, I always put a headphone in if I'm looking at TikTok or something on the phone.
My wife's over there trying to buy something on Amazon, and she keeps trying to talk to me, and I have to pause mine and take the headphone out every time she says something, and she doesn't seem to grasp that. So she'll say it, I'll go, "Hold on, what? " I'm like, no, I'm not actually listening to you. I have headphones in.
I have headphones in. You know what, you want to know who I blame for this? Who? You.
Why? Can I take it out? No, here's what you need to do. You need like the big...
The big ones. Yeah, I just have the... Yeah, because she doesn't, she can't see that. You have lights.
And then when she sees it and when you lift it up, now she knows. You know what I mean? Inconvenience. She's just oblivious to the thing.
She's oblivious? Yeah, because she needed something and I should, you know. So, eventually, I just shut everything off and just went to sleep. This is me shutting down.
I'm just going to go to sleep, okay? I'm done. I'm sleeping. And she shook you.
Hey, yeah, look at this. Is this watch going to work? No, no, it's not going to work. And that was when you walked to the couch and slept with the dog.
No, I got up about midnight. At least I didn't feel good last night. Yeah. I was hoping it was much later than midnight, but no, it wasn't midnight.
Alright, the Bocock Brothers' new series turns college football stadiums into cigars. Cigar boxes. So they made the college cigars. Yeah.
Now they're making boxes that look like stadiums. I know. Oh, that's cool. Yeah.
It's like a pop-up book. Yeah. Woo! With the 20-- What?
Have you guys ever smoked one of these? I don't think so. A pop-up book? Yeah, I haven't smoked a pop-up book before.
Bocock cigar? Yeah. I don't think-- we don't have them here. How do we get one?
You go online and buy one. You go out-- you know what? Here's what you do. " You know, that'd be great.
That'd be great. And I'll get them to buy your cigars. Here, Mikey, here's the price sheet. I don't even know why I hang out with you guys.
Yeah, your household name. Because who else are you gonna hang out with? Wow. I've seen your friends.
We're an upgrade. Close enough. We are an upgrade. Except for Ginger.
Ginger. With the 2026 college football season kicking off this week, there's going to be some new cigars that will fit in right at home. Oh, boy. At certain tailgates.
Yeah, that's pretty cool. Which one? They're going to sell more. Because of the box?
Yeah. I don't know. It's not like, okay, so the box is square. You have to open it to tab A into slot B, fold this through that, and then you can't put cigars in it anymore.
You can't put the cigars in it anymore? You got to take all the cigars out to fold the pieces out to turn it into the stadium. Then can I put the cigars back in? But it's not airtight anymore.
But it's all about a presentation. Yeah. Like if I'm having a party or something. Then why don't they just make it look like the stadium all the time?
Because then it wouldn't be easy to transport. Have you seen there's another cigar that came out in a jar? So put some food in the boat. No, of course that's what you do, man.
You're too simple, Palmer. You're too simple. Yeah, I think that it's a great idea. You know what, from now on?
I like that all the Bosania boxes you can turn into-- A war scene, yeah, you know, we're gonna have wind hussars coming down a hill, right, fighting a bear on the other side. Oh, you know what, that was odd, too. I didn't see the comment from Lance Frazier. Was that on a previous episode?
What comment? He said that he went to the site and he saw the reviews. No, you read that? No.
Might have been on a short. Maybe. Or it was on an older episode. Could be.
I'd like to try one of these cigars to see if it tastes like a celebrity cigar. It's not done yet, by the way, that's like, that's why I haven't really talked about it too much, but it's up. The website? It has some reviews, which is pretty funny.
Anyways, I think it's a great idea. I like the stadium, I think it's good for like football parties and stuff like that. " And not only that, they're gonna say, "Oh, shit," and they're gonna smoke a cigar. Now, let's hope that those cigars are good.
Yeah, I'd like to test them. We understand you would like to. It's a third or fourth time. Oh, my God.
I'm really driving back in. I hope they watch their show. I hope not, because we make fun of their name. The Bukakis?
Yeah, the Bukaki brothers. There went his cigar, he's not getting it. " It was worth it, it was worth it. The Coach O Stadium Series, it's called.
The cigar is a 6x52 Toro that uses a Honduran tobacco throughout, as well as fillers from Paraguay. Paraguay, the company described as a medium full with flavors of rich caraco, and cedar, and a coffee finish, is named after Ed Oregon, the La Rosa Los Angeles native who led LSU to an undefeated season and national championship in 2019. Oregon is back at LSU this year, serving as a special assistant to coach Lane Kiffin. That's Joe Burrow, right?
2019? Joe Burrow, Jamar Chase. Justin Jefferson. Yep.
Jefferson Starship? That's the guy. Right. Yeah.
George Jefferson? Mm-hmm. Him too. George.
Yeah, he was a center. Moving on up. Yeah, he moved on up from the city. Moving on up.
Beams don't burn on the grill. Color green is getting my grill. This is the not only stadium box coming. The company has already shown off a similar release for the University of Missouri.
I'm excited about it. Good. Well, I had to get through the story. Yeah, thank you.
I thought you didn't have, like, details. Angry face. No, we do have details in cigars. Oh.
Yeah. Oh, I thought I was in what's the score. I was looking for the thing. No.
Six by 52, we want to try it from the Bukakis. Next. What's this wee shit? What's this wee shit, Tonto?
Yeah, you got a mouse in your pocket. You guys don't want to try the cigar? Actually, I do. Yeah.
I just want the box. Just send the box. You can't smoke the box. LSU?
You can, technically, smoke the box. I'm trying to think who I could give the LSU box to that would anger the most. I've got some good Alabama fans. Oh, Howard G.
Howard G's at FSU. Yeah, LSU and FSU is a rivalry. Are they? Yeah.
Or you could give it to Robbie Doyle. He's a Florida Gator fan. He's obviously been hanging out with Robbie Doyle a lot. Like, he's mentioned him three times.
Well, he called me this morning. That's his new friend, Robbie Doyle. Hey there, Phil, I'm hanging out here with Morgan and Morgan. Can you see if I can get a deal on an Opus at Cigarsler?
Yeah, you can hook me up, you know, those Opus eggs. Do they have that new one for $11? Yeah, I'll tell you what, I'll donate $11 right now. Tatuaje's Old Man and the Sea Monster, but it's the Sea.
Are you reading the stories on Halfway? Yeah, now he's figuring out the scores that you're coming up with too. I don't know. I know the Old Man and the Sea.
It's a Colibre, it's been out, it's happened before in the past. Yeah. Thanks, dude. Just about ready to start shipping.
They haven't released this before. He's made them before. Oh, tell everybody about the Old Man in the Sea that's a Colibre and a cigar. You kind of just did.
It's made by DeToye, it's about the ship. It's a Lonsdale. It's considered a Lonsdale? It's a Colibre.
It's a pair of a Lonsdales. Okay. You want to call them Lonsdales? That's fine.
It says it right here. That's fine. Old Man in the Sea Monster, which pairs a Lonsdale with a Colibre. The Colibre.
Like both. Oh, there's both in there? Both in there. Okay.
So there's four cigars. I don't believe that for a second. Oh, get closer here. The Sea Monster, which pairs a Lonsdale with a Colibre.
Yeah, I think it's both. Okay. It says it right here. It's both.
Yeah? Okay. The company says the release will begin shipping next week. The Old Man and the Sea concept first came out in 2011 with the El Truffador blend, then returned for a black label release in 2012 and a Fosso version in 2021.
Now the all-Nicaraguan. 5x38 Lancero to a 7x44 Lonsdale. How much is this little collaboration of cigars? The three cigars?
Four. Three. How is it three? Lonsdale.
Lonsdale. There's three Calibre, there's three sticks together. Two. The Lonsdale is the third.
The Calibre is not three, not two. What? The Calibre is not two, it's three. Not in this instance.
You be quiet over there, Bukkake boy. Ouch. That's hurtful. He had a long night.
Yeah. I've already said I feel sorry that his child was ill. Yeah, okay. And then beam again.
And then he was over here beating up the poor guy in the unicorn mask. Like, you haven't been for the entire show. I haven't. Yeah, sure.
Not the entire show, because they came in halfway through. Halfway? Wait, I was... Whatever.
He's like, I'll be down, I'll be right down after just the bathroom. 30 minutes later? Yeah, 40 minutes later. Oh!
You must have lost weight. I have been losing weight. You've been losing weight. I'm in front of the giant 45-minute poop.
Are you doing Olzempic? No. You're doing the GLP-1s? The GLP-1 receptors?
No, I don't want to have a heart attack. A ban on your tummy? No. That's Chuck Norris stuff, no.
Chuck Norris? Yeah, didn't he do like the 60-second abs or whatever? I don't know, he's dead now. Three-minute abs.
Okay. He said 60 seconds, but he did it in 15. What was your question? How much is this thing?
$35. Phillip? Fifty. Four.
Four dollars? Fifty-four dollars. Oh. And it is four cigars.
He said four dollars. And I won. I thought this was another donation from Puente. Each box is an MSRP.
Wait, what? How is it 58 back here? Yeah, you don't even know. No.
$54 per coffin, each box is an MSR. Oh, then there's 24 coffins. In a box? Comes with six coffins, total of 24 individual cigars.
It's very confusing when you don't hit the forward button. So it's $324 for a box of six coffins. Got it. They made 1,300 boxes, meaning 7,800 coffins have been produced.
Then they debuted it, blah, blah, blah, 13 Monsters, yada, yada, yada, three years later. I don't know if I got these. I feel like maybe I did. Bet you got some?
Or did you get some? I don't know. I'll get a call. Well, he's coming here.
Who? Pete Johnson? No. He's already been here.
Pete Hernandez? Yeah. He doesn't know what's going on. Pete has no idea.
Why, has he reserved the RV? Well, he's in town. Is he going to be? Is he sleeping at your house?
Is he staying at your house? Yeah, he'll probably be. Whatever. You guys are ridiculous.
That sounds ridiculous. He can hang out with your mother while you're out gallivanting. Yeah. Out gallivanting.
And watching the children. Your horrible mother that takes care of your kids. Jeez. Nice.
He probably, Pete stays at his mom's house. Yeah. I'm just gonna go next door. Just go next door.
They have an extra room. Yeah. Sleep there. I don't sleep in his RV.
This is crazy. This is ridiculous. She cooks breakfast. And dinner.
And has a pool. Floating in the pool. Floating in the pool while she's bringing him drinks and appetizers. Appetizers.
Alright, I'm done switching cameras, hurry up. I think we hammered this home enough, let's keep it moving. Now it's time for the industry's favorite game. What's the Score?
I just want to make sure it worked this time. They're there, they're actually there. That's a relief. Can you predict a cigar's score from a half-wheel review before it's revealed?
Not if Charlie doesn't accept my friend request. We'll give you clues, you make your guess. As the review unfolds, the answer gets closer. Or does it?
Charlie's just out here costing me money playing with the AI on the website. The closest guess wins. That was the thing. I already did it.
Let's play What's the Score? Today's cigar, August 25, 2026. Patrick Lagreed is the reviewer. It is the Asylum 13 Signature Series by Tom Lazuka.
46 by 6. 6x46? It says 46x6. I'm going to tell you what it says.
The Dyslexic Virgin? Virgin? Virgin. I.
He didn't mean that. He is. It's a fatty. It's a 6x46.
It's not a fatty. Well, it's a 46x6. Then it's a thinny. It's really short, but fat.
It's really. It's 46 inches. It's like the penis. A four foot cigar.
Right. It's like the small penis guy. Right. Very skinny, very skinny.
It's not like the small penis guy because it's 46 inches. Why? He's just happy he's not peeing on himself anymore. Leave that poor man alone.
Yeah, you leave that. Yeah. It's your turn, by the way. I went last last time.
He's happy he's not wetting himself. Can you believe that would be terrible. Every time you go to the bathroom, it just goes everywhere. Oh, God!
Oh, jeez! He probably has PTSD. It's like holding your thumb over the end of a hose. It's just going everywhere.
He probably has like a little... Yeah, like a cipher, like a ciphon, or a ciphon, I think I know. Whatever you're ready. Not anymore.
Okay, let me go. Yeah, pick it. 82. 87.
Cigar Reviewed is the Asylum 13 Signature Series by Tom Lazuka is from Honduras. The factory, the CLE factory, wrapper undisclosed, binder undisclosed, filler undisclosed, 6x46, round, it's $17, they smoked 3 of these. Mmm. Sounds like a, I don't know.
Doesn't sound like anything yet, there's been no description. Well, it can't be higher than a Powstanie, so I'm gonna go 79. Everything's higher than a Powstanie, it could be. Yeah.
Charlie's not really reviewing cigars, he's busy playing on my website. 87. Does it tell you that he's on there? No, he sends me screenshots of it screwing up.
Are we giving him the wrong answers? Yeah. Ask it, Charlie, what you should do instead of reviewing cigars. Clue number one, the cigar opens with an approachable, yet lively profile, combining creamy sweetness, mixed fruit, earth, and black pepper with a unique peppermint-like note that keeps the experience interesting.
I don't like peppermint. 79. 87. Clue number two, construction is consistently impressive.
Very good. Wow. With excellent draws, steady burn lines, and strong smoke production, aside from one minor relight, all three cigars performed without meaningful issues. One out of three.
So, he said minor burn issues and no relights. The next clue, there's going to be a lot of burn issues and relights. You think so? Yeah, so I'm going to go 79.
We'll see. What are you going with, Michael? I'm going to go 87. Did you text in the number, Palmer?
Yes. Clue number three. The profile loses some definition and intensity during the second, third, and the more interesting flavors fading into a fairly plain, dry cornflake note before recovering near the finish. Keep going.
I like cornflakes. He has cornflakes. Meow. Do you?
He had to put sugar on them, but yeah. I knew you did that. I have a sweet tooth. Yeah, you're from up north, though.
Actually, I spent most of my life in Florida. But thank you for trying. You still have northern blood. I have no northern blood.
My parents are from Tennessee. That's, what do we call it, middle America? Yeah. You're not plowing fields in Tennessee.
No, I wasn't. I didn't live there. My parents are from Tennessee. I was born in Alabama.
He was busy plowing them hoes. Oh, so you'd like the LSU box. Yeah. What'd you say?
Put it in here. You would like the LSU box. Yeah, sure. I want one shaped like a battleship.
If you could just pick the number though, that'd be great. Yeah, we can move on with the show here. We're going on two hours now after you pooped. 87.
After you pooped. Alright, the final thought. I will start by saying that this was a situation where I think the order in which the three cigars were smoked So, it made a bit of a difference. Oh, really?
When it came to showing what makes the blend unique, the third cigar was head and shoulders above the first two, I'm left to wonder, he's yawning over there, I'm left to wonder if I had smoked it first, in my mind, I wish I could be yawning. Oh, wow. He was in the hospital, for God's sakes. I understand that.
I didn't feel good. I don't know why he's telling me. And in my mind and senses would have been more primed to pick it up. What I will say is that the third cigar is the one I would want to smoke again, as it got me excited about some flavors and aromas I rarely pick up in cigars.
You're going to get that? Almost as if I had found a new piece of the flavor wheel to explore. That said, when the flavor isn't as prominent, what's left is a bit more pedestrian. It's still very good and has a remarkably smooth profile, something I don't get to say often enough, but it lacks the star power that would have me searching out the cigar.
You were on me, with my ass closed? 79. You said 79? Yep.
I don't know, you should say it louder so they can hear him. 79! I'm gonna go 88. Oh, right on the money, 88!
88? You can't even see him. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da! You can't see him.
Oh. With the new angle. You just got to kind of put one right here. Yeah, so I know.
I thought you just didn't want to hit you yesterday. 88 after all that? Yeah. Pedestrian cigar?
Yes, pedestrian. Maybe he meant it's just for people that walk. Maybe what they meant, maybe like on the Pustania, like the 8 was supposed to be a 9. Because it wasn't pedestrian.
I don't know. I don't know either. Is pedestrian a bad word in this case? I'm just not understanding.
Yes. Means dull. Unbelievable. All right, Michael, get us out of here.
Like and subscribe wherever you're viewing and listening to the show. com for all your chpod swag. com, a Cigar Hustlers podcast where we talk inside baseball and give cigar reviews unlike any other. And that's all I got.
So thank you so much. We hope we provided great edutainment for you today, and every other weekday here on a Cigar Hustlers podcast. That was very reading rainbow. I'll be on the Smokin' Oak podcast tonight, so come back tomorrow to see how that went, and then I'll tell you where you can watch it.
Yeah, do that. Alright guys, we gotta go, bye. Bye. Bloop.
One.
Show Notes
ACHP 604 brings plenty of chaos as the guys remember Dolly Parton, celebrate National Dog Day, and break down the unbelievable story of a Florida man accused of stealing nearly $500,000—including more than $2,400 spent on Legos. In cigar news, they discuss a major Davidoff executive departure, college football stadium cigar boxes, Tatuaje’s latest shipping announcement, and finish with “What’s the Score?” featuring the Asylum 13 Signature Series.
ACHP 604 — Timestamp Chapters
00:00 – Show Opening and Introductions
04:30 – Charlie Minato Tests the New AI Cigar Bot
09:00 – Phil Dies on the Toilet
10:30 – Listener Comments and Feedback
23:35 – Dolly Parton: Remembering a National Treasure
29:00 – Phil’s Late Arrival and Family Emergency
41:30 – Florida Man Accused of Stealing Nearly $500,000
45:00 – $2,400 in Legos and Other Wild Purchases
55:45 – National Dog Day and the Dogs We Love
1:07:00 – Major Davidoff Executive Leaves the Cigar Industry
1:13:30 – The Guys Debate Offensive Commemorative Cigars
1:27:45 – Bocock Brothers’ College Football Stadium Cigar Boxes
1:39:30 – Tatuaje Old Man and the C Monsters Shipping Update
1:47:50 – What’s the Score?
1:49:00 – Asylum 13 Signature Series Review
1:58:30 – Final Score Predictions and Closing
Phil Dies on the Toilet, Dolly Parton & a $500K Lego Scandal