185 Mikey is on Holidays....PCA wrap up

Episode Summary

Episode 185 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast is a "Chaos Zoom Edition," recorded with Mikey calling in from a family vacation at a resort in St. Pete, Florida. The show opens with a casual catch-up — balcony cigar smoking at a non-smoking hotel, COVID-era resort policies and daycare closures, cannonball contests, and hanging out with the Baldwins — before pivoting to shop news and industry talk.

The core of the episode is a PCA 2021 trade show wrap-up built almost entirely around Half Wheel's post-show coverage. The Mikes walk through the reported numbers: 1,440 badges printed (a 24.38% drop), 583 retail accounts represented (down 30.94%), roughly 1,550 storefronts, 144 exhibiting companies (a 38% decline), and 3,084 total badges printed overall — a 43% drop versus 2019. They point out that the PCA doesn't scan badges, so none of these figures reflect who actually walked the floor, and argue that the association's reliance on soft, self-reported data is a structural problem. Mike floats an alternative funding model: a small flat per-cigar assessment paid by manufacturers, passed through retailers to consumers, with PCA-supporter stickers on boxes so shops can point customers toward brands that fund the industry — plus a cheaper, reimagined trade show somewhere other than expensive, brutally hot Las Vegas.

They also praise the "How About That Cigar" roundtable with Skip Martin, Charlie Minato, Abe Dababneh and John McTavish, which drove a near-doubling of the podcast's listenership that week. A recurring theme is retailer incompetence: the story of a shop that received allocated Kraft 2021 from RoMa Craft, emailed Skip to complain, and then watched the boxes sell out instantly once Skip offered them publicly. The hosts make a sustained defense of Charlie Minato, arguing that his court-document analysis and hard data reporting are the industry's most valuable resource even when the PCA and manufacturers treat him as an adversary.

Shop news includes a successful Friday night event, the arrival of the new Liga Privada Unico Club releases Lady Killer and My Blue Heaven, Adrian's ongoing surgery recovery and compression sleeves, staffing shuffles, and a note about leadership changes at Scallywag Cigars. The episode closes with the usual detour — Florida's newly discovered invasive "penis snakes" from the Tamiami Canal — and a plug for the Patreon episode on Espinosa.

In This Episode

1. 01
   Vacation Check-In from St. Pete
   Mikey calls in from a Florida beach resort, talking balcony cigars at a non-smoking hotel, COVID-era daycare closures, and the first real vacation he's taken in 12 years.
2. 02
   How About That Cigar Roundtable
   The hosts recommend the Skip Martin, Charlie Minato, Abe Dababneh and John McTavish show and credit its shout-outs for nearly doubling the podcast's listeners.
3. 03
   Retailers Behaving Badly: The Kraft 2021 Story
   A retailer emailed Skip to complain about receiving allocated RoMa Craft Kraft 2021 — and the boxes sold out the moment they were offered publicly.
4. 04
   Shop News: Liga Privada Unico Club
   The new Liga Privada Unico Club round arrives at the shop with Lady Killer and My Blue Heaven, plus recaps of a big Friday night event and Adrian's surgery recovery.
5. 05
   PCA 2021 Attendance Numbers
   A line-by-line look at Half Wheel's reported declines: 1,440 badges, 583 retail accounts, 144 exhibitors and a 43% drop in total badges printed versus 2019.
6. 06
   Why the Trade Show Model Is Broken
   The Mikes argue the canceled 2020 show proved the industry can sell cigars without Vegas, and manufacturers now can't justify the cost.
7. 07
   A Flat-Rate Funding Proposal for the PCA
   Mike pitches a per-cigar assessment passed down to consumers, with PCA-supporter box stickers, as annual funding instead of one-shot trade show revenue.
8. 08
   In Defense of Charlie Minato
   The hosts argue the industry's habit of treating Half Wheel's hard data and court-record reporting as an attack is exactly why its problems never get fixed.
9. 09
   Florida's Penis Snakes
   The traditional off-topic segment: an invasive South American caecilian found in Miami's Tamiami Canal, confirmed by the Florida Museum of Natural History.

Brands & Cigars Discussed

Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.

Transcript

Welcome to Cigar Hustler Podcast, Episode 185, The Chaos Zoom Edition, from Mikey's Vacation. Yes. Where are you? I'm in safety.

How's the red tide? There's no red tide. Oh, good for you. Yeah.

I don't know if it's gonna have the music or not. If not, I'll put it... I can hear it. I'm waiting for it to end.

Let's hope it goes then. I can't hear it over here. You too can become part of our podcast family and invest in our show. We'll put your products in front of thousands of listeners and viewers every episode.

We are heard on 12 different podcast providers weekly all around the world. com. Boom. Boom.

So, what are you doing over there? What have you been doing? Because you're never here anymore. I'm not gonna lie, man.

This has been the first three consecutive days where I have felt no need to try and kill somebody. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, it's really good. Good for you.

We're over at the Tradewinds in St. Pete. I guess we just missed a red tide because there's some dead fish and stuff, but not a whole bunch of, and, yeah, it's beautiful. There's so many, there's a lot of stuff that kids can do and stuff.

You waving at people walking by? Brady's down by the pool. Fans. Kids.

Yeah. Let's see the view. Hold up the computer so we can see the view. Let's see if I can just drop this off the balcony.

Drop it off the balcony. You know, it's just money. I didn't get my cigar lit. Can I get my cigar lit?

Sure. It's a process. I think I like a slide. Oh, very nice.

Look at that. Look at that slide. That's amazing. Yeah.

I'm not gonna lie, man. You know, if you're gonna go to the beach, you know, if you're gonna go to the beach, I'm not going to lie, man. You know, if you're going to go to the beach, you got to have the beach. And I think this is a non-smoking hotel.

I don't care, though. We, you know, there's designated areas, but we smoke on the balcony. We clean it all up. It's all about hiding the evidence.

If you can cover it up, get away with it. Are you on the top? Is there anybody above you? No, there are people above us.

That's the people that complain. We ain't got it like that. You know what? Nobody else has been out on the balcony so far in the past three days.

I'm not a single person. Not a single person. Last time we stayed at a resort, the guards around at night would see us out smoking and we'd get a phone call. Excuse me, can you put out your cigars, please?

Fuck you. This place is pretty relaxed. You can bring your own drinks down to the pool, no one's yelling at you. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. You know, they have like paddle boards for the kids, they have the slide, they've got all types of stuff, which is really nice. Well, here's the thing that doesn't make sense to me. It's like, apparently they usually have like this daycare, like this, like you can jump off your kid at six and then pick them up.

Like Brittany was telling me like a 24 hour a day daycare. Uh, they have, well, they have, they have access to a babysitting system, but they had this like this, you know, kind of like parents night out thing where you can dump them off and they all kind of play together and stuff. They don't have that right now because of COVID, which is weird because no one is telling me, Just social distance in the pool, and that place pulls back. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

It's like, where's the line, you know? Yeah. That's always been the kind of funny thing for me. It's like...

Well, if you're at the pool, it's your responsibility. If your kid gets sick at daycare, it's on them. So, I bet it's a liability. It's a liability, because I dropped...

Eh, it's a liability thing. People would still complain. Look, if you're going to go to a hotel, if you're going to go to a fucking hotel, Yes. Then you need to be prepared that getting COVID is a possibility.

Oh, certainly. Right. " I just, well, you know, but you're good luck tracking that. Good luck determining that that was the point of contact.

You know? Right. If you're going to go out and live your life, it's a possibility. If you got vaccinated, it's still a possibility.

But it's less of a possibility than if you didn't get vaccinated. Either way, I want my shit back. I want full service, 100%. I want to move on.

Oh, well, that might not be coming. They might be going back to a lockdown here soon. No way. No, Florida's probably not going to, but I bet other states do.

I don't think so, man. I think that there's too much money in the state. And now they're saying people who got vaccinated are the super spreaders. You guys are the ones spreading the illness.

Anything to corrupt, to mess it all up. Well, that's what the CDC said that. Not normal people, you know, the ones we're supposed to be listening to. The ones that want you to burn me inside your house now.

The ones that told you to get vaccinated? Right. Yeah, the ones that told you to get vaccinated are now saying, if you got vaccinated, now you're the problem. Good.

Right. I'm happy to be part of the problem. Well, you've just been hanging out at the beach. You're not as tan as I had expected.

I think it's just the lighting, I feel relatively tan, I'm not going to lie. You looked tan when you were here that one day when you popped in. And then there's several more days of sun exposure, so it's very possible that, I just think that it's the lighting. But slides are very cool, smoking cigars, hanging out, you know, drinking with the Baldwins.

Oh, the Baldwins are there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't know you were there with them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, they, uh, uh, they, they, they, they, they, they had scheduled all of us.

Oh, isn't that nice? I saw, uh, I saw Kiki's, uh, post, but I didn't realize she was at the same place you guys are. Oh, well, that's good. You should have had him on the show!

I asked him if he wanted to come on, I asked Chris if he wanted to come on, and I told him, we discussed a lot of things. A lot of doctor things that we can discuss. Certainly, yeah, that would have been great. He didn't, he, he kind of opted out, you know, he's quiet in some areas, like we did, there was a cannonball contest at the pool, Jack's had, and everybody kind of egged me on into, into getting on, Jack's was like, come on, go do it, so, and he did it, Chris didn't do it.

No, well, you're a big, you're a big cannonball, he wouldn't have been able to, you know, compete. But it's not about the, it's about the memories. Oh, oh, oh, well, that's, that's one you just won't have. So nothing's new here, I mean.

No, I mean, also, I mean, everything's pretty quiet here, you know. I don't know what's going on with Scaliwag Scars. Chris looks like I had a bit of a scare, so I hope everything's going okay with him. Is he back?

Did they find him? Yeah. I think that he was found. I'm not sure.

I know that it looks like Tenure, Tenure. The young lady? Yeah, he's now in charge. Did you find him?

Yeah. I think that he was found. I'm not sure. I know that it looks like Tanur, Tanur.

The young lady? Yeah. He's now in charge of Scaliwag. Yeah.

I'm the captain now. She put up the other day. Right? That's pretty interesting.

There's some good stuff that's going on. A lot of PCA stuff from Half Wheel over the last couple of days. So, first of all, if anybody hasn't watched How About That Cigar with Skip, Charlie Minato, Abe from Smokin, and who else is it? John McTavish.

Yeah, John McTavish. Yes. It's a great... It was.

It was a good show. I watched it. It was good. It's a fantastic kind of...

It's really kind of a scope and the conversation is really stuff that you don't really see on a lot of media and podcasts. You know, it's not a lot, you know, where it's all, this is my best, I make the best cigar, you know, all that bullshit, all that's kind of tabled that it's more raw industry kind of a look, and one thing that they were talking about, and Charlie brought this point up, and it's so true, is that, you know, retailers, a lot of retailers that suck, will complain about what, it doesn't matter, like, you know, and Charlie made the comment, let's send $100 bills to retailers and see them bitch about it. I don't know about it. Right, yeah, I saw that.

Why would you send me this $100 bill? Yeah, couldn't I get 520s? What am I gonna do with $100? Yeah, what the hell is this?

Right. So, there was a retailer that got Kraft, and I guess he wasn't contacted, but he was sent Kraft 2021, which was just released. And he got a few boxes. So, he sent an email to Skip, which is the biggest mistake.

You cannot, don't... Oh, you can't go with anything in writing. Nothing in writing. No, look, you contact John, I mean, you contact Rosales, fuck, you contact Sean, You contact Sean, you know, you can't reach out to Lightwood, the last person you want to contact is scared, you know, because you're gonna get it, so the guy's like, hey, you know, what is this, and Skip's like, oh, okay, no problem, you know, if you don't want it, so he makes a post, and then all of a sudden, you know, says, hey, craft's available, and then the guy's phone starts ringing off the hook, like, like, crazy.

So, you know, this is kind of remarkable to see how, like, a lot of retailers don't really know what they're doing, man, it's just... No, yeah. And we're relying on those guys to kind of make things successful in, you know, with the PCA and contributions and kind of developing, that's scary, man, that's scary. I mean, we said it time and time again, we go, you go and you see some of these retailers and it's like, How the fuck are they still open?

I don't... Right, you haven't painted this place in 20 years. Yeah. You haven't changed anything since the day you opened.

So what happened at the store, Mike? We had a big event Friday night, it went really well. Yeah, I saw that. The new Liga Privada Club came in today.

Oh yeah, what's that? It's Lady Killer and then My Blue Heaven. I guess it's the next round. Oh, the Privada Club.

Yeah, the Provada Club. Hmm. Okay, that's cool. So you got a couple new things going down?

Yeah, nothing exciting. It's been kind of slow today, I guess. I've only been here about an hour and a half. I mean, it's Monday.

You guys, you know, kind of gearing back up for back to school. Right, yeah. It's tax-free day or tax-free week here in Florida. Or was that just the weekend?

I don't even know. How many cigars tax-free? You can't get cigars. No, no, no.

All supplies, clothes, that kind of stuff. It's a joke, Michael. It's a joke. Uh, Adrian's doing better.

She came up here Saturday night for the cornhole thing to see everybody and hung out. Yeah. And then today she's out driving herself. She had a couple of errands she had to run that she had to take care of by herself.

Man, I didn't realize how long the recovery was going to be. She didn't either. I, you know, I think that we all kind of assumed that it would be like, uh, you were laid out for maybe two, maybe three days max. And then you're kind of back at normal, the shit, what are we going on?

This is third week, yeah, two and a half weeks now, she still goes around like this, and if something touches her arm, the dog hits her, she runs in there, she rolls over the wrong way, still hurts. I don't think she expected the arm thing to be as big a deal as it was either. I don't think she fully understood what was involved. Well, yeah, I mean, they, you know, they, they cut her open from here down to here and up into her armpit and then, you know, sucked out the fat and then had to cut the loose skin off.

We got to make a really tight, uh, sewing things. Stitches? Yeah, that's it. Yeah, she's a little concerned about the stitches now, you know, she didn't realize they were going to be like that and, you know, but if my skin can always look like this, that type of stuff, still healing.

It's going to be a scar, it's going to be a scar, but the lumpiness and all that kind of stuff, that'll go away. She has to wear those compression sleeves for like six months. Really? I mean, it's like a retainer.

You got to keep the skin, you know, tightened up in there, right? I guess that makes sense. Yeah. We had bought a pair, and then we bought two more pair, and now we've just, we've got five more coming today, because, you know, they have to match, so you have to change them with your outfits.

You need all sorts of colors and patterns and things. Oh, you need different percussions. Right, yes, different colors. And you gotta get a clean pair every day, you can't put the same pair on you wore the day before because, you know, they're dirty, you'll get infected.

Yeah, that's just ridiculous. It is, it's quite the thing. So what else is going on, Mikey? How's it going?

We had a big spike in our listeners this past week, almost double. Really? Really? Last week's show was very popular.

Might have been off your, uh, how about that cigar, uh, showing? It was a one of them. Got a couple of plugs. Yeah, Charlie plugged us a couple of times.

Yeah, Charlie plugged a couple of times. Skip mentioned the shop several times. It's kind of nice, you know, the only two shops they ever talked about was Abe's. Abe was on the show and then ours, so.

Yeah. And we were watching, you know. Oh, that's true. We do, we do watch and, uh, comment, so.

We actually pay attention to some of these things. Not all of them. Not all of them. You know.

I was looking and seeing what's up with who's filming all specific shows. I'm like, man. Yeah, well, everybody's, you know, blowing their wad with the PCA stuff. Now everybody's sort of laying back, taking their little vacations, and it's kind of the slow season.

I highly recommend Vacation, Mike. I don't know if you've done it. No, not in a while, no. No, Boots, actually, we were at Boots' house yesterday, and he actually goes, Mike, you do this every summer?

I go, no, not for 12 years. He hasn't, uh, so that's why he's gone this summer entirely. He's taken 12 years worth of vacations here, all in one year. It's all accumulated.

All accumulated time. It's great though, because I've had like several little small vacations, and this is probably the bigger one, and I have little samples of data to compare for each and every one of them. I'm going to tell you right now, this one's the best. Oh, which one you like the best?

This one is the best, without question, you know, there's a little staycation, we got a little house and stuff, but it's just, there's still so much kid stuff. I'm like, you gotta stay on top of the kids, but here you got activities to do with them and stuff, and we call the babysitter, they're gonna be coming in tonight, and have them watch the kids, they're gonna go out and indulge for a little bit. Oh, look at you. Yeah, man.

Yeah, this is, this is good. This is good. I'm very, very, very happy about this. Good for you.

Maybe I won't kill Keanu when I get back. Oh, well, he's still on his, uh, wait, oh no, wait, it's Monday. Today's the last day. Today's the last day.

It's the last day. That's right. Today's the last day. So Keanu, so we've got to get into a little storyline.

Oh, sure. So last week we had a mishap with, I don't know if we discussed this, we had a mishap with Alex. We did briefly last week on the show, yeah. And somebody who didn't have the shift covered, my brother had a schedule, I'm willing to bet that it was 90% of him.

So the shift wasn't covered for Monday morning. " And then once he realized that I was out of town the majority of the week, he's like, that's not fair. I was like, I still have to communicate with you. I still, I'm still going to be, I have to be nice.

I think you got, you got the short end of the stick there. I knew what I was doing, in my negotiations. Well, yeah, I got some PCA news. You want to do any of the news?

You want to keep this short? I mean, you're on vacation, so it's all PCA stuff. I have a Florida story. We don't need to take a commercial, because we're not using our camera.

Right, yeah, no, there's no commercial, so we don't need a break. We just go right into it. Yeah, let's go through some PCA news. Let's get a quick update, see what's going on.

This is all Half Wheel. Half Wheel is still doing their PCA coverage. Everybody else sort of let it go, except Coop, who's doing his little mini shows for each brand. I mean, the fact that Charlie breaks down some of these things and can analyze what is exactly...

It's a lot of good information that he's putting out. But like, even like, he breaks it down from the court records, the court documents and all this stuff. I'm like, man, I don't think anybody else in this industry can really do it at that level. Right.

Which is really kind of remarkable, you know? You see how good he looked on How About That Cigar, his camera setup and everything? Yeah, he had the Sony with the autofocus. Is that what he was using?

And the blurred out in the background. Right, the blurred out dark background, the perfect lighting. Yeah, yeah, he's not fucking around, man. So, like, if you, I mean, we could do that with our camera, but we wouldn't have to, we can't be so close to the background.

We'd have to be on the camera. Gotcha. So you'd almost need, like, two of them. Right.

Oh, well, you know. I feel like we can do it. But, man, it made me feel really bad. Like, then I'd go back and I'd listen, watch us on How About That Cigar, or watch me on How About That Cigar.

I'm like, man, I don't know. You've got to do something with your background. That background looks like shit on yours. And you're using that shop light, and it, I mean, it looks like you've been kidnapped and you're doing the Proof of Life video.

Alright, we're gonna do, we're gonna do some serious upgrades for me. Fuck it. We're gonna do some serious upgrades. Alright, PCA 2021 shows steep attendance declines.

94% drop from last year. How many retail accounts? Sorry, stop, one more time. 583, it says.

What was the total retail accounts? Was the total representing total retail accounts. Yeah, 1400 badges, 583 retail accounts. Okay, so you're saying that every retailer brings three people on average?

On average, I guess. I'm sure it goes up and down, because we brought two, so then somebody else had to bring four. I don't think there was 500 retailers. I don't think there were 500 retailers there either.

Well, these are badges printed. So that doesn't mean they picked them up. That means they said they were coming. In order to get them printed, you walk in, they print them.

Oh, so they don't pre-print them? Okay, I guess you're right. Yeah, I guess you're right. But that's a 30%, almost 31% decline from last year.

And then 1,550 storefronts. I'm not sure what that means. What are, what were the storefronts? Booths, I guess.

There were 1,500 booths there. There's no way. Unless, you know, if you've got two spaces, that counts as two. If you've got a big booth, you might have five.

Oh, yeah. So, maybe. Maybe. But even that was a 23% discount or drop.

Each of these numbers representing a significant drop compared to the organization's most recent trade show in 2019. While the most important attendant figures are the ones related to retailer attendants, the larger declined That took place with the exhibitors, manufacturers, the PCA said number of companies exhibiting the PCA, Convention and Trade Show was 144, that was a 38% drop, 144 companies, I guess that could... It's almost half the industry didn't show. Right, let's see, the total number of badges printed for this year completely, that's exhibitors and manufacturers, was 3,084, 43% drop.

Man. Man. Man. That's rough.

That's fucking rough. These numbers all refer to the number of badges that people requested the organization to print. The PCA doesn't scan badges, so the organization does not have statistics about how many retailers actually set foot inside the trade show. Okay.

So, even though you had four, maybe everybody didn't show up. So, like, see how fucked that is? You know, the PCA has the ability to obtain this data, actual, true data, and they don't. Oh, no.

I mean, they gave out, even this looks bad, but, I mean, so it must have been a lot worse, the actual numbers. Instead, they deliver the fluff, just like the fucking manufacturers and brand owners do. It's just, and we play round and round, go fuck ourselves until we're right into the ground. And that's a problem.

That's a serious, serious problem. And it needs to be corrected. You know, like, if you can't look at hard data, and you know, you continue to give this, this bullshit data, it's never going to get fixed. They do this every year, though.

This is not the new. But even still, you know, even with how they do it, they still couldn't run from it. They still had to show a drop. So that's a problem.

That's a big, it's a serious problem. I really want to see it corrected. I don't want to see the PCA go away. I don't know exactly what they plan on doing, but I'm not against, I still don't think that it's a bad idea to approach brand owners and manufacturers, I encourage them to say, hey, why don't we do a flat rate tax base of X amount, five cents per, and, you know, sticker up boxes that support the PCA, that way retailers can say, hey, these guys support our industry.

And just go without the trade show? I mean, not necessarily go without a trade show, but maybe modify it so that it's less expensive for your manufacturers, less expensive for your retailers, and, you know, you can make it more about, I mean, you can still do deals, you can still do all that stuff, but, you know, it doesn't have to be what it is. It can change, you know? And I don't know why the fuck it's in Vegas.

I can't stand it. It's so goddamn expensive. It's so expensive, and it's so hot, and they could easily move it somewhere else. He did the explanation of why companies are, the companies are exhibiting has changed.

For years, I would point out that I don't think that medium and large companies could justify the trade show. And their profit and loss statement, the basic of that argument were: trade shows no longer a place where a large number of new retailers are in attendance, flying your entire sales team to a specific city that sells cigars to a fraction of your existing customer base seems inefficient, the cost of renting the space is high, construction is high, giving discounts because there's a problem. So some people agreed, others agree, others agree that you should say something like, well, it's always our best month of the year, completely missing the point. 2020 PCA convention and trade show was canceled.

Charlie argued the greatest risk for the PCA wasn't the immediate financial devastation of organization. Rather, it was that it gave the cigar industry a chance to see what not having an annual trade show was like, which was the biggest problem. When they didn't have the trade show, sales didn't drop. Right.

Especially with the boom of the virus. Right. The pandemic. Let's see.

So you have this boom. You have this boom in the industry. You have brand-nosed manufacturers not dropping a ton of money on a convention. You're not dropping a ton of money on a convention, and they're still selling out all their products, and then you try and bring them back the next year at the same song and dance like, well, well, we're good, though, you know, like, we don't- Right, why do we need to spend all this money?

Right, like, this is a necessity, you know, whereas if you want to do a flat tax, your flat tax gets passed to your retailer, right, your retailer will keystone it because we're all assholes, and then your consumer pays for it. It rolls all the way down to the consumer. The consumer then funds the PCA. I mean, that makes the most sense to me.

Right. And then encouraging, you know, again, we kind of fall back to the retailer and, you know, there's not a lot of strong retailers out there, but there's enough strong retailers out there where they can educate consumers on purchasing products from PCA customers only, Or they can only, they would only continue to carry products that are, you know, that support the PCA. Like, you know, there's a couple of things that can be done here that are pretty simple, and then you have funding annually, not funding based on a one month, one shot, home run, or complete miss. I don't know, I'm just a small retail, I'm just a small retail.

But am I a celebrity retailer? That's the question, because, you know, Abe, because Skip, you know, gave him like the, The old nod on, how about that thing I said? Celebrity retailers such as yourself. Do we fall in that category?

I mean, we're the one. We gotta be getting, we gotta be even close. Hopefully. I mean, there's not a lot of shows doing all these, or a lot of shops doing these shows.

Oh, it's true. You're strong. Maybe you should start billing you as a celebrity retailer. Celebrity retailer.

Celebrity retailer. Cigar hustler, celebrity retailer. All right, Michael, there's a new problem in Florida. Uh-oh, talk to me.

The South American penis snakes have been discovered in Florida. God damn it. It's always the penis snake. The penis snake.

Penis snakes have been discovered in South Florida. The slippery little creatures were first found in Tamiani Canal, not far from the Miami International Airport in 2019. They always bring the penises into the airport. The DNA test by the Florida Museum of Natural History has confirmed that they are, in fact, native to Colombia and Venezuela, technically making them an invasive species.

Oh, good. They can vary a bit in length, like a normal penis, from just a couple of inches all the way up to five feet. Depends on the genetics. Depends on the genetics, that's a big penis.

The specimen captured in the C4 canal species measured two feet. They also tend to thrive in shallow, warm bodies of water with aquatic vegetation in certain areas of the canal, do fit those criteria, but there is still a lot about the penis snake that scientists have yet to learn. So it's a very elusive penis. So I heard that it is a very elusive penis.

So I heard that the two foot one that they captured, they've been doing some research on it and they've actually named it Terrence Riley. Oh, maybe. TR, for sure. The TR snake, they call it.

Very little is known about these animals in the wild, but there's nothing particularly dangerous about them, and they don't appear to be serious predators. So, it's a very nice penis. It's a soft penis. It's a soft penis.

Let's see, Coleman Shee from Florida Museum Herpetology Collection, a report on the animals. So, he did a report on the penis. Did he report on the penis? Yes, they'll all probably eat small animals and get eaten by larger ones, he added.

This could be just another non-native species in South Florida mix, so it's just the Colombian penises that are everywhere. At this point, we really don't know enough to say whether they are established in the Seaforque Canal, he continues. That's what we want to find out. I don't think one day find a large penis snake in Florida, so this was a huge surprise.

- Everybody loves a good penis surprise. - Yeah, a good penis surprise. - Good penis surprise. - Good penis surprise.

- Yes sir. - There's a little bit about the aren't you relevant stuff, but nothing-- - Relevant versus irrelevant? - Nothing mind-blowing. - Are you relevant?

- So, it's almost as only as level relevant. - Nothing mind-blowing about the relevant name. It was nothing mind blowing. It was just some information.

He was explaining what happened and everything and a lot of backpedaling going on and -- You know what? Look, here's the funniest thing, right? Charlie's an asshole. He is.

Right. A genuine asshole. He only talks facts, right? And you may agree or you may disagree, but, you know, I think one of the biggest mistakes that the PCA does is they kind of make Charlie an enemy, you know?

You know, where he's kind of getting the data and the information, nobody wants, everybody hates that guy because they're trying to spin the different stories. You might not like what he says, but it's all true. Right. And like, and the reality is that that's kind of how we fucking fix these problems.

If somebody could say, Hey, look, no, this is where, like, Charlie isn't looking to oust somebody to make you feel stupid. He's, you know, he's trying to show you that, look, there are problems here, there are problems here, there are problems here, and, you know, these things need to be corrected. And I feel like because he does that, you know, people are shitty to him. But in all reality, you really shouldn't be.

This is your number one fucking help. This is your number one source. Right. This is the guy that's telling everybody what you're doing.

Right. " And nobody, you know, like, well, maybe not nobody, but there's a lot of people that I think don't give him enough credit, you know? Right. And that's, that's bullshit, dude, you know, like he's telling you flat out that there's a problem here, and he can break it down, like, I can't read a fucking court report.

Right, no. I'm like, Charlie, what's it say? He's like, it's not good. I'm like, oh, okay, good.

Thank you, Charlie, for explaining that to me. Thank you very much. It's shit on all three appeals, and the tempo of the courtroom was, you know, you guys are fucking idiots. I'm like, okay, well, so money not well spent then?

Okay, just making sure. And like, nobody wants to hear that's money not well spent. And it's money not well spent, because all your money got dumped and PCA spent all their money. Oh, your money got dumped and now they don't have any money.

Well, they're losing funds. Right. Yeah, we covered that last week, all the money that they're losing. And that wasn't even until this year.

But there was a couple of stories that the PCA trade show was not a money winner for them this year. I'm sure. It definitely wasn't for Colbo. No, the only reason they did really well the last time was because there was a penalty that got paid to them because it was moved over to the other expo hall.

I mean, he returned his table and the chairs to his table. Alright, you ready to wrap this up? You can get back to Channing. I think that it's best that we do because, you know, I didn't bring my charger and I tried to...

The rig is set up here, and it's not charging, and the battery's almost dead. Oh, all right. So we're gonna wrap it up regardless. We're gonna wrap it up, or I'm gonna be talking to myself, so one or the other.

Yes, I miss you, Michael. Aw, I miss you too. When do you come back? I will be heading home tomorrow.

Ah, gotcha. So I don't know if that means what time I'll be heading home tomorrow. I'm not available tomorrow for the Patreon. We'll have to do it Wednesday.

No, that's okay. Wednesday is fine. I need to really get back in there and start. I'm fortunate enough at this point where I can step out for four or five days, I haven't ever had that opportunity.

And that's thanks to you, that's thanks to Chet, Steve, the whole team, Danielle, we're going to forget. Drew. Oh, yeah, Drew. But Drew didn't work while you were gone.

Yeah, Drew's almost gone. But you know, we have a pretty good team. I've never had this opportunity, so I am grateful for that. For sure.

Well, you've earned it, Michael. You're the king. We all follow your lead, Michael. Well, I appreciate that, Michael.

You're the owner, Michael. So, you go ahead and keep on owning. Ah, just keep on owning. Just keep representing.

Celebrity retailer. What are we? Celebrity retailer, baby. Celebrity retailer.

What do you want to do for Patreon? I don't know. We got some stuff here still from the PCA. We'll find something good.

Did we do the Espinosa? No, we haven't done any. I was thinking we'll do an Espinosa too. Yeah, let's do that.

All right, we will. All right, bud, I'll see you, or I'll talk to you tomorrow, but I'll see you Wednesday. All right, brother. All right, man.

Thank you. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you, everybody. It's been episode 185.

Somehow. That's it. Hey, we never miss a week. That's it.

That's it. Never miss a week. All right, guys, we gotta go. Bye.

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Hi, I'm doing, I'm Husto-i-Raw. Yeah, we just don't have to do a single podcast ever again. Perfect! I'm good, Mike and Mike.

How are you guys doing? The Hojo Deeb. Hojo! It's the Hojo!

You didn't even let him fuck it up all the way. How can you get past Hojo? I don't even have to try it. You're not even going to try it.

We're going to cover a lot of ground here, Mike. All right. Try to keep up. That's a sign of a good podcast.

It should be like four cigars when I walked in the door. All right, end this.

Show Notes

This week the fleas do a little zoom show to keep in touch with the listeners!  Medical update on Adrienne and Mikeys adventures on vacation