191 Gorillas Press Conference, Big Heist in Miami and PCA increases the roster
Episode Summary
Episode 191 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast opens with the hosts' usual banter — new production email and domain, Adrian's new "Teacher on Assignment" administrator role at an elementary school, a weekend of clearing out the garage and selling gear on Facebook Marketplace, and a long riff on juggling balances across Venmo, PayPal, Cash App, Zelle and Apple Pay. There's also a story about a Walmart grocery order delivered to the wrong house (including the now-famous "stolen banana"), a preview of the Patreon secret show on the J. London Gold Series Connecticut donated by a listener, and a pair of failed on-air phone calls to reps Justin Andrews and Pete Hernandez.
The news segment covers the Premium Cigar Association bringing Ryan Prada on full time as Manager of Government Affairs after his stint as a graduate intern, with Joshua Habersky quoted, plus an update that the PCA's 60-day fundraising effort has reached roughly $30,900 at the halfway mark. The biggest story is the weekend break-in at CLE Cigar Company's Miami warehouse, where thieves took nearly 75,000 cigars — including Asylum 8, Asylum 13, Asylum Insidious, CLE Connecticut, Corojo and Habano, Eiroa CBT, plus Lobotomy and Mandula lines — along with some of Patoro's U.S. inventory stored there. The hosts vent about Miami warehouse security, alarm systems and why Christian Eiroa's company keeps product in a theft-prone area, and question whether the CLE PCA Exclusive 2021 shipment will be affected.
Other industry items include Illusione working with actor Jeremy Piven on a $15 PIV Robusto (5x52, Nicaraguan with Corojo 2012 and Agronosa-grown tobacco), a nod to Rob Weiss's old B.G. Meyer Co. made by Davidoff, Tatuaje's Monster Mash shipping for Halloween with a new "Creature" addition, and a new Proscrito "Tyler Durden" release. The back half goes off-industry with a story about a self-proclaimed healing pastor and Zoo Atlanta's 20 western lowland gorillas testing presumptive positive for COVID-19 after exposure from a vaccinated, asymptomatic staffer. The show closes with Shop of the Week and Listener of the Week both going to Brett Frye of Tobacology in Manassas, Virginia.
In This Episode
- 01Cold Open and Production UpdatesNew email and domain for Mike & Mike Productions, a third camera on the way, and a call for an intern.
- 02Payment App Overload and Garage CleanoutSelling old gym gear on Facebook Marketplace and the hassle of keeping funds on Venmo, PayPal, Cash App, Zelle and Apple Pay.
- 03Mystery Grocery DeliveryA misdelivered Walmart order lands on the porch, sparking a debate over what to do with free organic groceries.
- 04Calling the RepsFailed prank calls to Justin Andrews and a dropped connection with Florida rep Pete Hernandez.
- 05PCA News: Ryan Prada Goes Full TimeThe Premium Cigar Association hires Ryan Prada as Manager of Government Affairs and the 60-day fundraiser hits about $30,900.
- 0675,000 Cigars Stolen from CLE's Miami WarehouseThieves hit CLE Cigar Company, taking Asylum, CLE, Eiroa and Patoro inventory, and the hosts pick apart the warehouse security.
- 07Jeremy Piven Teams with IllusioneThe Entourage star gets his own PIV Robusto at $15 MSRP, plus talk of Tatuaje Monster Mash and the Proscrito Tyler Durden.
- 08Off-Topic: Healing Pastor and COVID GorillasA bizarre news story out of Africa and Zoo Atlanta's 20 western lowland gorillas testing positive for COVID-19.
- 09Shop and Listener of the WeekTobacology in Manassas, Virginia and owner Brett Frye take both honors.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Get my ears right. Welcome to episode 191, The Cigar Hustlers Podcast. Still the number one cigar show on Podbean and the show that makes David Garofalo not sleep at night. Yes.
Coming for you, David. Haunting you in your dreams. No, no, no, no, no. Can you tell me how to set up the new email?
I didn't set it up yet. But we're close. com. It's at banana.
At banana with the banana. We are working on the new email, so. We are. We are.
And it's gonna be nice. We have a mic. We have bought the domain. Mic and mic production.
And we are just. com. Waiting on Michael to set up the email. I'm working on that.
One job, Michael. One job. One job, my ass. One job.
Speaking of the job, my wife's got a new job. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. She finally got a sort of an administrator job.
A sort of an administrator job? I had to get this explained. Let's put this here. Let's see.
Yeah, right? Okay, with the cups? The props? The movie props and everything?
How's that? But you're gonna pick it up and drink it, so it's gonna move. Okay, the way these work, okay, first you got, she's got a TOA administrator at an elementary school. I don't wanna say what school it is.
Yeah, I was kind of confused on all that. Yeah, so what happened now? Okay, so she got an administrator job, but it's a TOA administrator, it's called. Yeah?
ITNA, but TOA? TOA, it's called Teacher on Assignment. The way this works, I had to get this explained to me too, the way this works is the school she's moving to, elementary school, had a certain amount of students. At a certain amount of students, you get one principal and one assistant principal because it's elementary students.
There's no sports, there's no after things, there's no dean of discipline that they normally have at a high school. Okay. Okay. But the school she's going to is somewhere between we have enough students for the two, but we don't have enough students for three.
Ah. But we have more than enough for two. So they do what's called a TOA. So you're a teacher on assignment, but you're an administrator, but they don't have the money to pay the administrator because there's not enough kids there yet.
Gotcha. So she's at a different pay scale, but she has all the duties of an administrator. For less. Yeah, for less money.
That's bullshit. Just the way the school system works, Michael. They do that everywhere. There's other TOA positions at other schools.
Works the same way. They might not have enough for something, so we'll get a TOA. The budget will approve a TOA, but not another administrator. Or they'll approve another coach or, you know, whatever happens to me.
Well, congrats on the old upgrade there. But apparently the principal that is there, her husband is retiring this year, so she's planning on maybe retiring next year. Yes. So then when she retires, she has been grooming the other gentleman to move up, and then that will put Adrian in a position to move up also.
Excellent. Well, that's, you know, that's a carrot they dangle. Excellent. Well, that's good.
VP. VP. VP Palmer. We're looking for an intern again.
Where? Here. Here? We never got one before, but now we're running more cameras.
We are running more cameras. So, it's very intimidating at the moment. You can see my hands on your camera, but you can't see. Well, yes, but I will not take the shot of your hand.
Please put it in my hand. Like, for now, there is a camera directly here in front of me, shoots me. Yes. And there's a camera over there that shoots us.
Yeah. Eventually, there will be a third camera, which sits thusly this direction. Thusly. And shoots you.
And I will stare right at it. Now, the camera I have chosen is remote control with a thing. We'll have to review that, though. Why?
I think because, you know, maybe we keep getting gangster cameras. But the other camera's cheaper. Well, you get what you pay for, bud. What are we doing on the Patreon?
Because I really want to light this cigar. On the Patreon this week, we are doing the J. London Gold Series. Yeah.
Where'd you throw the... I slid it out. I don't need it anymore. 1 grams.
It's a box press. I'm going to write it down. I don't have the paper out for this yet. I know, but now we have documentation.
These were donated to us from New Steve. I don't even know Steve's last name. I have no idea what his last name is. Oh, it's like, Wazowski.
You don't... Wazowski? , Steve Wazowski, he's Mike Wazowski's brother. Gowalski, Gowalski.
Gowalski? Gowalski. Gowalski. Anyway, he donated these for us, the lovely Connecticut Cigar, which we will talk about on the next show.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. So. So, what'd you do this weekend?
Did you do anything? You know, it's kind of funny what I did. You hit the laughter button? It actually converts, it actually kind of developed into a little bit of frustration.
So, man, my garage has been a disaster. Always. So I got the Charger out, and I'm driving the Charger now. Right.
Like seeing an old friend back out behind the shuttle. Yeah, so then I start, so, you know, we started to tackle the garage, right? And there's some stuff in there that, like, you don't want to just throw it the fuck away. Right, yeah.
You know what I mean? Right. You don't want to take it to the curb. It'll be gone in 10 seconds.
But what are you going to do with it? Right. So I'll tell you what are you going to do with it. I'm going to put a bunch of stuff up on Facebook Marketplace.
For dirt cheap. People coming to the house and stuff. I don't care. Just let it go.
No, no, no. How about dirt cheap? So how much are you going to make? Like 50, 60 bucks a clip.
Let's say all the stuff sells, how much are you going to make? I don't know, maybe 300, 400 bucks. Eh. I've already sold half of it.
Oh, look at you. Nobody's fighting me. The shit's so low. They got to come to your house.
Yeah, it's cool. I like meeting people. Hey, what's up, man? You don't even like the employees that know where your house is.
What are you talking about? You have these random people coming by your house now? Yeah. See, in my house, I'd have to give them all codes for the gate.
Yeah, that's a whole process. It's a whole thing. But let me tell you what's the frustrating part. People still get in.
Can we put some up on the curb? You're right. Well, here's what I've now come to this realization, which is fucking horrible. Right?
There are so many different platforms to receive and accept payment that you have to have money on all of these platforms. Oh, yeah. I'm not, you know, like Venmo, I got to have money on. Because I've gone out and I don't have cash.
And if I have valet, I'm like, I'm sorry, I don't have cash. Will you have Venmo? I'm like, yeah. Oh, really?
Valet's like Venmo now? Yeah, I have Venmo. See, I always make sure I have cash if we're going somewhere where there's that type of thing. I didn't know.
But so if the guy's got like a little side hustle, I don't know. I don't ask questions. I don't care. You got Venmo?
I got Venmo. It's your band. Here's your tip. Tell them.
Don't tell them. I don't care. I want to make sure that you're taken care of. Right.
Apple Pay. What is your standard tip for a gentleman? Five bucks. Yeah, I figure that's like the minimum thing now.
Yeah, he's giving $5. Yeah. Apple Pay. Yeah.
You got to have money on Apple Pay, especially if I don't have my wallet. If I walk into Publix, you know, there should be funds in there. They take Apple Pay a while at Publix? Oh, yeah.
It's epic. I mean, Publix probably takes everything. Just shove my phone in it and it goes, ding. Now, this is not a separate account for each one because it all pulls from the same place.
Yeah, but I have funds in all of them. There are funds in every single thing. That's a lot of money to hold the- Yeah, so like, it gets crazy. You can't just have like, they draw from your debit card or something?
You know, I haven't seen my debit card in two decades. I don't even know what the hell it looks like. Oh, you know where the show debit card is? Yeah, I do.
I did see that stack, like you're shuffling cards, looking for that thing the other day. It's all corporate accounts. Right, no, no, yeah. Right.
Like, there's a couple personal cards in there, but they're mainly corporate cards. Wow. You know? Right.
I am a man of many hats. So when these people are paying, they ask, do you take Cash App? So the guy, yeah, Cash App's another one. Do you take Zelle?
So I actually had a guy, and he's like, do you do virtual payment? When do you get paid with an NFT? He's like, I'm really sorry, I don't have cash. So I told him, I'll take one Bitcoin.
And they're like $15,000? 60 grand. I'm like, yeah, man, you do Venmo? He's like, no.
I think he said, I do Apple Pay. I'm like, yeah, I can do Apple Pay. But it's like, holy shit. And then I'm like, okay, well then I should just transfer the phone.
I'm like, no, I shouldn't, because I should just keep it there. So with Apple Pay, do you have to touch phones? No, you have to pull down your pants. That's how it works.
I have to pull down your pants. I'm just curious, because with the Apple Pay here at the register, they have to touch the machine. No, it just sends you a text. Just like all the other ones.
Do you accept? I'm like, I do accept. When Adrian Boyce sent her Apple Pay one time, and she didn't have one. But it's lost in the ether.
I guess everybody has one, it's just a matter of when you have it set up. So I think she has $20 or $25 in Apple Pay that she doesn't know how to get to. Just kind of hanging out there. Just kind of sitting there, yeah.
It's funny, man, you know, like you have to have all these little platforms now. So there's Venmo, there's PayPal, Cash App, Zelle. Well, Zelle's like right into your account. Right, yeah.
Which is nice. What else is there in those four? I'm sure there's tons of them. Apple Pay?
Oh, Apple Pay, so there's five. Those are probably the five big ones. Yeah, but let's say, you know. There's probably all sorts of shit we don't even know about.
Yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. Let's say you got 50 to 100 on each app. And then if you got like a crypto.
And $500 you got locked up. Right, just kind of sitting around. Wow. Then let's say you got a crypto wallet, and then you got money and fucking crypto.
That's sitting there, too. Too confusing. I have checking and savings, Michael. This is fucking complicated.
There's a lot to this, you know. But I don't know, man. It's really cool to have somebody just come in and take shit away and give me cash, And give me cash and then be happy and I'll be happy. I'd rather have the cash.
That's what I'm saying. It's not as gratifying. No, of course. Some of them pay me cash, but it's just gratifying that they pick up the heavy fucking thing, they throw it in their truck.
They don't look at you and go put this in my cupboard. No, they throw it in the truck and they're happy about it. I'm like, all right, cool. So that's kind of what played out this weekend.
Would you like to shop the store? Which is what else is, something else might spark your interest in. Ah, we may have something else for you. Might be something else for you over here.
Yeah. We have the women's section, the children, and the stuff that I don't work out with anymore. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Did you sell the rowing machine? The rowing machine? Yes. I did.
I did. It's gone. How about the, the, the, the, the, you bought something right during that. The power tower.
Yes. That's the, that's up there. Is that gone too? No.
But it's up. It's up for sale. Because... What is the power tower going for?
It's a hundred bucks. How much was the original? It's like three or four, wasn't it? Probably like 300 bucks.
All right. I don't care. You know what I mean? It's one and gone.
I price it low enough where people are like, I don't even want to negotiate with this guy. Well, yeah. Yeah, it's a steal. And it was so long ago.
I mean, at that point, I just... Yeah, just take it. Right. Because I don't want to drag it all the way out to the curb.
Right. Like the wedding I'm not into anymore, I had already paid for that three years ago. So I was like, you know, you can keep the tux for the next guy. I don't care.
It's moving on. But it's cool. Right? So that's what you did with your weekend?
You sold shit? Yeah, I sold some shit, cleaned out the garage, you know, and then Sunday was all football, which was nice. So what are you fixing the garage so you can put cars back in it? I would like to put Brittany's car in there.
That's big. Does it fit? Yeah, it should fit. I don't know.
That's a long car. I don't think that's made to fit in any standard garage. Yeah, no, it'll fit. Oh, you measured?
Yeah. And then the garage door kind of got fucked last night, too. So now I got to get that fixed. Oh, how'd that happen?
It's just old. Because Greg fixed it last time? He did. He did fix it.
But he didn't fix that one part, and now that one part broke. Oh. But now we're moving past Greg as the solver for my problems. I remember he watched all those videos on the spring.
Yeah, yeah. " Yeah, I mean, it was ridiculous. Well, those things are dangerous, apparently they could kill you. Well, yeah, just text Steve and, you know, Boots has got a guy.
Yeah, now we have a guy. This is much easier. I'd much rather just, you know what, I'll take the money that I got from the Facebook stuff, Oh, there you go. Oh, there you go.
Now, I don't have to deal with Greg. See how that works? Isn't that amazing? Mike Spender.
Yes! I love that. So, yeah, and then we watched football. Got to throw football with the boys on Sunday, or mainly Jack's, 'cause Justice didn't do it.
But I hung out, had Teddy kind of hanging out and stuff. It was a good day for football. It was nice. m.
Oh. Mm-hmm. m. anymore?
Depends upon when you want it done. Oh. I want it done around 1, 2 o'clock. I thought they cooked faster now.
No. No? You still got to do the all night thing. Low and slow, baby.
But it's just not, you don't have to maintain it. Oh. With the Traeger, so like you say, hey, 250, and hey, let me know when it hits. Oh, so you put it in a four and then go nighty-night.
Yeah. You're not sitting up drinking and smoking. That ain't all I gotta get. I gotta add more wood to the fire.
You need to keep the coals going. Right. Yeah. So, I love the Traeger.
Getting better with the Traeger. We got free groceries yesterday. You did? Yes.
How did you do that? Well, I'm in the shower and my ring notice goes off on my phone. Yeah. So my showers, there's a window right there.
So I still got to see there's like a Toyota Corolla or something up front with a truck open. I figure, okay, an Amazon delivery or something that I didn't know about. Adrian's in the back of the house in her office doing her lesson plans or something for school. She didn't, they never ring the doorbell.
Okay. Okay, so I go out, open the door, and there's a pile of groceries on the porch. Why? There's Walmart groceries.
There's like five or six bags. Oh, they delivered to the wrong address. They delivered to the wrong address. The wrong address.
I delivered to the wrong address. Oh, damn. So, first thing I did, I texted my neighbor, did you guys order some Walmart groceries? I think they made a mistake.
And they go, no, not mine, brother. I guess this is kind of a gray area for you. What do you do now? Yeah.
You put the groceries in the house. Well, I took the groceries in the house, obviously, and I put them in the fridge in the garage. We have a neighborhood Facebook page where I put up on there. Is anybody missing a grocery delivery?
I just got a grocery delivery from Walmart. I didn't even say Walmart. And I figured if they could tell me where it was from, you know, and a couple of the items in the thing, they could have it. This morning, nobody, a couple of neighbors went, boy, you scored, or something like that, you know.
Yeah, but it's got to be something, stuff that you'll use. I mean, you know what I mean? Well, for the most part, I mean, if it's the wrong tampons, then, you know. Two things of salmon.
Oh, I like salmon. Two things of salmon. Oh, okay. Blueberries.
Ooh, a healthy eater. A gallon of milk. Some fancy white Mexican cheese, two blocks of that. Okay, oh, yes.
Don Dish Soap. That's what I'm talking about. This is quite the score. You're right.
Let's see what else. There was a couple of other things, too. Oh, there's several little packets of sauce, a couple of hollandaise, a couple of brown gravy, and some other kind of gravy. The only thing we probably will not use is the oat milk.
There was a box of oat milk. Okay, so this person is eating very healthy. Well, that's me. " I guess so.
Yeah. It's a little embarrassing for you. I mean, you know, like, where are the donuts? Oh, and a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah. Oh. So, I mean, it was a nice little haul. Yeah, it is, it's a good score.
Yeah, but I figured that's sort of like, you know, if a restaurant accidentally puts my food on your plate, on your table. Yeah, they're not going to switch it. Yeah, they can't switch it. So, you know, whoever it was probably either didn't see the Facebook or not on the Facebook.
" And they look, and the guy goes, "Oh, I went 701, blah, and it should have been 701, whew," or whatever it happens to be. So, I imagine it's a write-off, somebody, and he just got his groceries again. I would have just de-boated it and said, what bike? Right.
What bike? What groceries? I don't know. I'll get back to you on that.
As I'm eating the salmon when they're talking. $60, $70 worth of food? Easy. Oh, yeah.
Good score. Chopped up the cantaloupe. Well, the stolen banana was delicious. The stolen banana.
And it was like this big. I mean, it was huge. The stolen banana. I thought it was a plantain at first.
I'm like, oh, these are so big, they gotta be plantains. I know. Everything is all natural. All organic.
All organic. All this stuff's organic. Oh, great. All organic.
That's awesome. It was. It was great. It can't be, I mean, it can't be organic.
It can be a great big banana. It doesn't make sense. I don't know. It was sick.
It's gotta be altered somehow. There's no fucking way. The cantaloupe's like a basketball and it was huge. Yeah, that's definitely, you know, it's organically fucking modified.
Well, probably we will have, I don't know, we just bought milk too. So, I mean, I got like a gallon and a half of milk to consume before it expires. You're crushing. I'm just drinking milk like it's water.
Crushing your life. Oh, and a 12-pack of 7-Up and a gallon of water. Those are the only two things I didn't put in the fridge right away because there's only so much room out there. Yeah, I mean, you weren't expecting a grocery run.
Right. On top of the one we just did Saturday. Right. So, you know, we were already stocked.
Yeah, that's crazy. Somebody bananas. I know. Would you like to buy some salmon?
No. I have a special. No, no. Special on salmon, Michael.
No, no. It's organic. Listen, I get it. Look, I go to Costco, I get the Wild Alaskans.
This is Wild Alaskan. I get it in the pouch, already done. This is not, dude, this is not been cool. I'm easy peasy.
Nice and pink and looks delicious. That's nice. I think I'm okay. You got all that garage money now.
I got all that garage money. You should want to buy some discount salmon and fell off a truck. Do you want to give, um, let's give my friend here a quick call. Justin, uh, Anders?
Yeah. We're gonna try Justin early today? Let's call Justin Anders real quick. Justin Andrews.
Somebody asked me about, oh, Boots asked me what the signatures were, and I go, well, that's Justin Andrews. Yeah, we just did the one. We forgot. Everybody was gonna sign it.
You know who also wanted to call was Pete Hernandez, who was trying to call in. You want to call in to the show? Call in too early, yeah. What'd you want to call in to the show for?
I don't know. He's gonna try to talk us out of the socket lookalike contest. Bro, you can't do that, really. I need help.
I'll do whatever I want to do. Help me help you. - Connection unsuccessful. - Try to connect to this?
- Mm-hmm. - Oh, 'cause it's connected to my phone. - Unpaired? - You can only connect to one phone.
- Connect to unpaired Mike's phone, yes. - I'm stepping on my wire here. - Mike's phone has been unpaired. - Okay.
- All right, try now. - Okay, hold on. It's mad at me now. " Let's see, Rodecaster.
- Oh, what, you're a-- - Nope, forget device, I'm gonna forget it. Macbrook Pro 4, we probably should have had this ironed out beforehand. Uh, our friend Conor McGregor got in a fight at the MTV Video Music Awards. He did, listen, Machine Gun Kelly's a piece of shit, fuck that guy.
The kid that was, he weighed 90 pounds wet? Yeah, oh, yeah, I would love to see Conor McGregor just beat him. Just because he's banging what's-her-name-now from the- Yo, triller that shit, I would watch Conor McGregor beat the fuck out of Machine Gun Kelly. " Give me back one more chance in later on.
We'll be at the after party to win. I understand he said I'll be at the win later when they pulled him away. Yeah. I'll be at the win.
All because Machine Gun Kelly wouldn't take a photo with him. Yeah. " Well, I guess Machine Gun Kelly pushed him. Was he an idiot?
I mean, it's easy to push. It's like, he's all fucked up. He's got a cane. You got 17 bodyguards standing around you.
Yeah, but he's fucking broke, but he's got, he's, you know. I don't care. I'm still not pushing Conor McGregor. Yeah, you're right.
I don't care if he's a wheel chick. No, you're fucking right. I mean, it's just like, yeah. Like, I wouldn't, it's like Mike Tyson.
Right. Yeah. I don't care if he's 80 years old. I'm still not fucking with Mike Tyson.
Oh, your legs in a casco? Fuck yourself. Like, no, that's just stupid. Right.
Unless you're planning on running. Yeah. You gotta push him with- Push him with and run. Throw somebody else into him.
Right. Roadcaster's not even here anymore. It's gone. Hit it.
Hit the blue button. Do it. Bing. All right.
I'm excited to call Justin. I'm gonna call Justin. Are they gonna call... Well, we're gonna call Justin Andrews first.
We got 10 minutes. I'm gonna call him every week. Oh. I'm excited about that.
This time, when I call him, I'm gonna act like it's broken. I can have Conor McGregor answer the phone. And then I'll hang up. " He don't answer.
I mean, the one time we got him to answer, he was trying to rush us off the phone. So here we go. Are you ready? Fuck that guy.
And then we'll fuck that guy. We're gonna call Justin Andrews. Hey guys, fuck that up. Oh, wrong one.
We're gonna call Justin Andrews. Is he going like, eh, fuck that guy. I know, Mike, we should not call him. And then hang up.
Alright, so you wanna do that? You hit the button, man. Which one do you want? Fuck that guy.
And then we'll hang up. Then you hang up. Alright. Ready?
Here we go. He's not gonna answer. The magic Justin Andrews. Your call has been forwarded to an automatic.
Right to voicemail. Right to voicemail. I'm gonna call again. This is important.
Your call has been forwarded. Damn. He must be in a meeting. Damn.
He's in a meeting with CI. This guy is so busy. He's a busy man. Oh, he's gonna keep going.
Oh, ooh. Your call has been forwarded. Alright, that's enough now. He might actually be busy.
Come on, Justin. All right, you want to see what Pete wants? Oh, we should call Pete and say, "fuck that guy" and hang up on him. Oh, we'll just have Saki go.
Bam, you gotta go to work. He's gotta tell him to go to work. All right, let's call Pete. Let's call Peter.
Peter Hernandez, of all the reps in Florida, he's one of them. Now we are ten, we're just making phony phone calls. Is your refrigerator ready, Pete? Yes, sir.
Bam, you gotta go to work. I'm working, man. I'm working. I worked out this morning.
You gotta go to work. Oh, come on. You know, why buy stuff from a dick? Yeah, so why buy stuff from a dick?
Are you sure you're working? Because Saki just told you that you gotta go to work. He keeps saying, bam, you gotta go to work. Yeah.
I'm out here grinding. I probably sold five grand already today, man. Oh, wow, look at you. Hey, what a horse.
Well, you're podcasting with us right now, brother. Oh, nice. You wanted to be on. You're fucking on.
Here it is. What's up, guys? How you doing, man? I'm doing okay, Pete.
What's going on with you? I'm good, man. I can't complain. So, you're selling cigars today.
Bam, you got a lot of work. We're working today, man. Yeah, we're working today. Monday morning.
Hell, yeah. Out there, you know. Yeah. Kissing hands and shaking babies, baby.
That's nice. That's what I'm doing. I tried calling Justin Andrews Diesel Cigar. He's never available from me, ever.
Who'd you try to call? Justin Andrews. Caso Fernandez? Justin Andrews.
Justin. Diesel Cigars. Oh yeah, I don't represent that guy. I'm sure he doesn't have any cigars to sell you, probably.
Yeah, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy, bro. I keep that fuck that guy like a tiny star in my hip pocket. But I can cling at that will.
Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. So what's up, Pete? What can we do for you today?
Hey, man, I was just, you know, first of all, let's get business out of the way. What can I write for you? Is there anything you need to refill this? Nothing.
We're on a podcast, I can give you shit. All right. All right. I figured I'd...
Yeah, you know what they say. Go ahead, do it now. You know what they say. You know, why buy stuff from a dick?
Why buy stuff from a dick? Hello? You hurt his feelings. Is he gone?
But it says that he's still there. He forgot to pay the sell bill. The weekend wasn't long enough, you know? He cut out the entire time.
Okay. Where'd you go? Did you hit the mute button or something? He's gone again.
Bad signal. Where the fuck is he? He's in Miami! I mean, like...
Oh, he's just smoking no water. How do you have... With Alfredo. Weston, he's in Weston with Alfredo.
With Alfredo. He doesn't... That's it. Oh, alright, well, we're done with Pete.
Oh, Pete. That was a good call, Pete. Glad we called. Well, this is a terrible addition to the show.
Oh, my God, that is so entertaining for me. Nobody's ever home or ever takes your call or they just... Oh, you know what? He did the...
That's brilliant. Because you didn't buy anything. That was the first thing he said. Because that was clear.
Yeah. I was like, hey... Let's get this out of the way. Would you like to buy something?
I'm like, no. I was like... Gotta go. Click!
He's a professional, ladies and gentlemen. He knows what he's doing. What are you doing? All right, you ready to take a break?
Are we ready already for the break? For 26, 25? I don't know. You have two cameras you've got to turn off now.
I just don't feel ready for the break yet. Well, what else you got? I don't know. What else you got?
Oh, we can do the PCA update. They are at 30,900 at the halfway point. Yeah, we already said that before. No, last week was 29.
5, I think. They went up $900 or something in a week. And Pete says, call me back, call dropped. I'm going to give them three minutes.
We don't have, okay, alright. Alright, I'm going to do it. You've got three minutes. It says calling.
Calling. Maybe it's my phone. Maybe. It's not you, it's me.
No, let's see, I'll turn off the wifi. Nothing. It just says calling. It's a damn shame.
I guess so. Couldn't talk to Pete Hernandez. Couldn't talk to Pete Hernandez. All right.
Sorry, Pete. Didn't work out. Didn't work out. Oh, wait.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh. Don't get up his phone number on the air. Oh, got it, got it. Oh, got it, got it.
Everybody call Pete Hernandez. Hey, give Pete a call. Let him know. If you heard his number on the Cigar Hustler Podcast.
Just tell him. Tell him that you're lonely. Hey, got your number from Cigar Hustler Podcast. Oh my god, that is amazing.
I was gonna call you, but why buy a cigar from a dick? And his voicemail is just so, it's like... You've reached... You need to put a flair on it or something.
It's like, hey! Hey, this is Peter Hernandez, out of all the reps in the state of Florida, I'm one of 'em! I'm one of 'em! Leave your message at the beep!
Beep, beep, beep, beep! Check me out for some Eroha, Gusto Eroha. The biggest problem in our industry, I think, is just this intrinsic apathy. Or Justin Andrews and Pete would answer the phone.
Yeah, they're both, yeah, it's just the intrinsic. That's a tremendous amount of intrinsic apathy that's going on right now. Tremendously. Yeah.
All right, now can we take a break? Hey, let's take a break. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be right back.
Hey, it's Mike too. Want to be part of the show? com/theCigarHustlersPodcast. We have tiers started in just $5 a month.
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Alright, we're back! Episode 191 of a Cigar Hustler Podcast. Hey, do you listen to regular radio in the car? At this current juncture, I do listen to regular radio in the car.
You know they have that rejoin music when they come back from commercials? Yeah. Should we have something like that when we come back? No, no, no.
They just play a little do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Welcome back. Sure, yeah. Let's do it.
I thought about that yesterday. Yeah, a little intro. I like it. I like where your head's at.
All right. This damn wire. Everything's called new. From the four corners of the world, all the cigar industry news you could possibly need.
The Cigar Hustler Podcast Report with Mike Toon. All right, Michael, the PCA has promoted Ryan Prada. Yeah? Who they with?
Justin Andrews text me. Oh, I'm very busy. He says he's busy. Premium Cigar Association PCA has announced that Ryan Prada is now joining the organization as a full-time employee.
Oh, they've expanded. He must have been part-time before. And now he's full-time. Now he's full-time.
His title is Manager of Government of... What? However, they're waiting on the 60 days to determine his salary. Yes, exactly.
As of right now, he's worth 10 grand a year. His title is Manager of Government Affairs, and he will work on both federal and state issues for the organization. Last November, the organization announced that Parada had joined the organization as a graduate intern. Oh, he was an intern.
I don't remember that thing, that news report. He was interning? He was interning. You're right, they are, I just checked, it's 30,900.
Yes, of course, I checked this morning. You know, we're looking for an intern here. If this doesn't work out, they don't get the right money, just so you know. We will also build you a GoFundMe to pay you, and we'll probably get it, so you know.
We're excited to continue to expand our government affairs team to reflect new challenges and priorities for the association, said Joshua Habersky, head of government affairs for PCA and a press release. Wait, I thought Ryan was head of government affairs. No, no, no, no, not anymore. I don't know.
We'll work. Oh, okay. Anyway. Ryan has shown his capabilities as a contractor and everyone is enthusiastic about him joining the team full-time.
So, the SIG of the SE, they're joined the fight. It was 60 days and they are halfway. I might have some bad news. Okay.
Thieves steal 75,000 cigars from the CLE warehouse. Over the weekend, thieves broke into the CLE Cigar Company warehouse in Miami, In addition, CLE Warehouse, some US inventory of Patoro, which is also stolen. We would like to announce the new sampler at Cigar House. The CLE Sampler.
The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler. Christian Iroa, founder of CLE, told Half Wheel that security cameras recorded three people entering the company's warehouse. Chet, Michael and I, and I, and I, and I, and I.
The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler.
The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler. The CLE Sampler.
Christian Iroa, founder of CLE, told Half Wheel that security cameras recorded three people entering the company's warehouse. Chet Michael and I were busy all weekend. We were not in Miami. I told you what I was doing.
Cleaning out my garage. m. , late Saturday night. Where were you at Saturday night, Michael?
Saturday night. I was watching the trailer fight. He said that there, you said at the meeting you fell asleep. I did fall asleep.
Is there evidence? Oh, what day did, oh yeah, that's right. Because, uh, no, that was Friday. You fell asleep Friday night, too.
I'm always tired. Because your wife was texting me, and they wanted you to do something funny, and she said you were asleep. And I fell asleep. " Yeah.
" She goes, "What if he were to wake up? " She did, she woke me the fuck up. " Okay. Palmer wants you to call Keanu.
Okay, what do I say? And I was like... Well, yeah, we don't want to talk about the young lady. Yeah.
While the thieves took nearly 75,000 cigars, they didn't take all the CLEs, Iroa believes that thieves only took what they could fit in a single truck. Yeah, who brought the $75,000 cigar truck? We had a bigger store. God damn it.
He declined to say the value of the cigar stolen. Oh, $75,000, carry the one. Half a billion dollars. Here are a couple things.
Here are a couple things that just don't make sense. I have the actual list of the goods that were stolen. Okay, please go ahead. Go ahead.
No, you go. Asylum 8s. Okay. Asylum 13s.
Asylum Insidious. Insidious, Asylum Necrophilia, CLE, Connecticut Corojo Habano, if we were smart, we would have done one of these on the Patreon. That would have been funny. Yeah.
Oh, look, we have these. Eroa CBT, Lobotomy, Mandula Schizo. Yesterday, Halfway reported that the Patoro had suffered a break-in. S.
inventory in the warehouse. S. S. Customs Clearinghouse, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.
Okay, so I'm assuming that, you know, insurance is going to take care of that, right? Hopefully it does. Here's what I don't understand. For one, Miami, for whatever reason, everybody steals their fucking cigars out of Miami.
Well, that's where they store them. Right, so why not move? Get the fuck out of there. Go somewhere else.
They already have property there. Okay, so first of all, they don't own the property. No, they have a lease. Yeah, okay.
First and foremost. Second and foremost, why not have a fucking alarm system that's set up? Mission Impossible through the roof. I like to envision them looking at the cameras and all of a sudden the music hits.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And Tom Cruise drops down. Or he's holding his breath in the water tank thing. But it's three fucking slapdicks, they pulled up in a van, like, oh, let's get it, and they just loaded up the, you know what I mean?
There's cameras. Like, they have no idea, I'm assuming they have no idea what the value is of the product. Where are they gonna move 75,000 cigars? Hey, I got some CLE, ooh wee.
It's not even, you know, really good cigars. Oh, sorry. That's not nice. They make some good cigars.
De Roja, 20 years, good. That's not stolen. Oh, yeah, cause, well, the Insidious is a good lower end cigar. The lower end, why not bring in the Padrón building and take the big Padrón?
Why don't you just say they stole some of the lower ends? Okay, cigars I don't like. Cigars you don't like? Like I'm worried about upsetting these people.
Get in line. Okay, that's fine. More important people than them mad at me. Oh, Christian's a pretty big name in the industry.
He's friends with Gabby Caffey. Is he? They were schoolyard buddies or something, I don't remember. You're getting more brazen as you get older.
I guess your time's running out. What are we going to lose? I don't have much time left. What are you going to do?
What are you going to do? Fuck with my pots and pans? Oh shit. Oh shit.
Yeah, but like why not have an alarm system? I don't understand, like motion sensors, something, you know. Well, it's probably like rats. They come in.
A lot of rats. Yeah, but motion sensors wouldn't pick up on the small rats. Big rats. No big rats.
Not mice, rats. They wouldn't pick up on the rats. Why not? It wouldn't pick up on a dog if you said it right.
Well, they obviously don't know how to set it. Probably have ring doorbells on the building. Did they hit the button? no one's here we're going in alright come on in guys why aren't there security guards at the least is there a fence first of all an alarm system would be far more less expensive than a security guard in Miami there's tons of old guys looking for something I mean we can call Mike Denny's he's the rep but he would say really really bad shit he'd probably lose his job so we can't call him Mike Denny oh is that Rocky Patel Mike No.
Oh. No, it's CLE Mike. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, he did.
You said would say bad things. I was thinking the other guy. Oh, he's a funny guy. Right.
And he would say funny stuff. Oh, we would find it funny, but they would not. Christian may not go. We're not that funny.
We might get in trouble. Speaking of funny guys, Michael, Illusion and Jeremy Piven are collaborating for a PIV Robusto. You know, so Jeremy reached out to Roma and said that he loves his cigars. Oh, did.
Skip, say no. No, he didn't ask to make a cigar. He just said, hey, make a cigar. Film and television star, Jeremy Piven, he's from the Entourage, that guy.
Will he be a PCA? Because I'll make him yell, Lloyd, seven times. Again. Again.
That would be funny. We'll be getting his own cigar by way of allusion over the last year. Piven has met with a variety of cigar companies seeking to get his own cigar. He didn't call us at all.
Not one call, Jeremy. We could have done the Piven Powstanie. The Piven Powstanie. It writes itself, this stuff.
Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah, it's incredible. It's just a natural. Pittman Powstanie.
Yeah. You know what, Jeremy? If you'd like to give us a call, I feel it's not too late. Yeah.
We could fix this for you. This is a half-wheel story. This could not be in stone. Look at all the ash that I'm blowing.
I know. Because you didn't get your ash straight. It's over there. With your other cigar in it.
Oh, please. Throw it on the floor. That's better. You blew it all over here.
Stop already. All right. That's much better. Don't blow it back.
You keep it over there. It's everywhere. That's your ash. Oh, my Lord.
That's not my problem. Over the last year, Piven's Red was- This is my section. The debut cigar is the Nicaraguan Bureau that includes Corojo 2012. A new variety of tobacco, Agronosa, has recently started growing.
Ah. In July, HVC Cigars also has a cigar made in Agronosa factory recently announced that it is an upcoming cigar. Oh, I thought they were going to be with Piven, too. We're also going to be with Piven.
Also going to be with Jeremy. Now they're using Jeremy's thing. Piven Robusto measures a 5x52 and has an MSRP of $15. $15 for Robusto, for God's sakes!
Well, you gotta pay the guy. Okay, Mr. Piven, please don't call us now. Your tastes are way too high.
I would've made the Lloyd. You should've made Lloyd. We should make a Lloyd. Oh.
Nobody has a copyrighted. Lloyd! The Lloyd. Lloyd!
Lloyd! As long as they don't use his likeness, it's just a name. I feel like somebody's just writing all our shit down, they're like, alright, let me do this, let me do this. For the Jeremy Piven collection.
Check. Collection. A pretty good sign that there will be additional cigars made. He's gonna make the Lloyd.
Is he gonna go out? I don't understand. Is he gonna go to events? Piven is best known for playing Ari Gold television in the HBO series Entourage.
G. Meyer Company, which was made by Davidoff. Never heard of that before. Me neither.
Surprised he didn't go with them. I'm glad he didn't. He's actually gotta, you know, okay, see, look, obviously Piven smokes good cigars, right? Like he, he wants- I believe I, I've, he is known as a cigar guy.
Yeah, he's a cigar dude. Yeah. You know what I mean? Right.
He wants, you know. I can't blame him for working with Dion. Dion knows his shit. Did we meet Dion at the BCA?
Did we talk to Dion? No. Oh. Who was the guy?
Who was the guy? Somebody- Tatuaje Monster Mash heads to stores. Are we getting that? Nope.
We don't carry Tatuaje here. It's Halloween, just a few weeks away, Tatuaje's latest installment in its Halloween-themed Monster Series on the way to stores. " Why? He don't like it?
They tried to sell us Tatuaje at the PCA. Yeah. And I think we were rude to him. We weren't rude to him.
Oh. Mm-mm. We actually talked with Pete briefly. He was very nice.
Oh, that's where What's-His-Name came up and saw some way. Fred Rui. No, no, no. There's a Monster Mash Frank, there's a Monster Mash Drack, a Monster Mash Face.
Who's face? Invisible Man? Yeah. Wolf, Mummy, Jason, Jekyll, Hyde, Kruger, Michael, Chuck, Tiff, Bright, oh my lord, and a new cigar, Creature.
Creature from the Black Lagoon, the 1954 movie. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, now you're upset. We're not getting these.
There's a lot of information here. CLE ships the raw PCA Exclusive 2021. No, they don't. Maybe not.
They're not shipping anything. They're not shipping that. Unless they didn't get to that. The PCA Exclusive 2021 is heading to the retailers maybe not via one big van that's all they got three guys show up with your pca specials just take them you already paid for them cigars created specifically for retailers who attended the placed orders during the 2021 pca convention trade show which took place in july i only pulled this article because we had that question whether we asked a couple people if i don't buy it here and i didn't come to this can i still get it that happens right well this is available now forever Oh yeah?
Yes. Okay. The recently released CLE signature of the binder in tobaccos is not disclosed, often three regular production sizes. Retailers who place orders for the cigar during the trade show will be able to continue to order the cigars.
If they order them there. It's not a limited edition. Well, I feel after this initial bunch goes out, anybody could probably get it. You think so?
You think they're sitting on these going, you got these 20 guys that bought it at the PCA, just hold these for them. It's a regular, it's not a limited edition. The smart way, okay, so here's the smart way to do it is you actually make it to spec. You say, hey, listen, you're the PCA, you place your order, right?
Right. So let's say you sell, I don't know, 5,000 sticks, whatever, 10,000 sticks. 10,000. You make the 10,000 cigars, you sell them out, you sell them to all the people, right?
And then you regroup, you can reach back out to those guys after like three months. But they're saying it's not in LA, it's going to be in regular production. I understand that, but this is how you control it. Oh, you think they're going to that kind of trouble though?
Apparently not. That's what I mean. Plus, now they've got to recoup the losses from the theft. Unless it's insured.
Maybe it's inside an alleged thing going on. Was it Pete? Peter Hernandez? Maybe that's why he couldn't answer the phone.
There's not much signal inside those trucks. Bad Wi-Fi or bad cell service you get inside the metal trucks. He's riding in the back. His brother's driving.
He's the bigger guy. Pete, his brother, who would be the third? Fred Rui? 5,000 in sales of CLE today.
It's all profit. It's all profit. Alright, Proscrito, Proscrito, P-R-O-S-C-R-I-T-O, stop looking at the stories. Proscrito?
Proscrito. Proscrito. P-R-O-S-C-R-I-T-O. Proscrito.
It's a cigar brand. Have you heard of them before? No. They're adding the Tyler Durden in November.
I saw that. See that? Yeah. There's a new Fight Club.
If you love Fight Club. I don't know. What's the first rule of Fight Club, Michael? I don't smoke the cigar, I don't know.
You've never seen the movie? I have. What's the first rule of Fight Club? It's the posters in the bathroom.
We don't talk about Fight Club. So we're not talking about this story. A lot of work just for the one joke. Oh, that's good though.
Thank you. I like that. Of course. That was a two-page printout too.
Do you know the second rule of Fight Club? Don't talk about Fight Club. We don't talk about Fight Club. All right, now we have, these are not industry stories, but, and my search for constant information for this show.
Yes. Let me see where we're at here. Oh, plenty of time. Plenty.
I came across this story. Now, this story's actually a year old, but it is so good. We still need to talk about it. All right.
All right. A female pastor sleeps with members to heal them. That is amazing. A female pastor, Mrs.
Veronica, they call her. Okay. S. claims her vag was- It's a healing vagina.
was anointed by God and sleeps with her members to heal them. This bitch's got to be like 500 pounds. No, no. She's a very attractive black woman.
Oh, really? Yes. According to an article from the Padergrim, but she slept with the entire church. No, no, only if you have a pee pee problem.
Oh. She heals the pee pee. My mission on earth is to cure men of their infertility problem through sleeping with them. Each session must not last more than two minutes.
Wow. In and out. She's just grinding away. That's right.
She added that God gave her the powers to heal all of your fertility problems in parentheses. Furthermore, she noted how men have gone through so much in this generation. It's such hard to be a man nowadays, it's so hard. As much, she announced that it was...
Apparently, it's not very hard with the clients, she's the only one. She announced that, well, infertility, not rigidness. Oh, rigidness? We're going with rigidness.
I don't know what's going on with the rigidness. She announced that it was God who sent her to liberate them all. Just liberating the shit out of everybody. As per the report, the pastor declared that any man who made love to her would be, for two minutes...
Yes. No longer. He would be healed of his fertility issues. So it's any man who can't make a baby, I'm guessing.
Right. Along with this, she claimed that it was her mission to solve, cure the infertility of men. Okay. Simply put, she explained that if her bodily fluids touches a man's manhood, they would be healed.
Interesting. The pastor is the founder of the Life of Faith and Prosperity Minister in Africa during Asababa Delta State. Oh, it's in Africa. Oh, it's in Africa.
Well, I would imagine if you two minutes, you want the biggest ones you can get, so. Go to Africa. Right. Why would you do that in America?
Is there a fee for this? No, it's free. It's complimentary. Well, maybe you got to put a little extra in the plate or something.
I don't know. Put a little extra in the plate. Ba-dum-boom. That's what they say.
Maybe you slip a little note into the plate. Zip. Slide the plate over. Pastor, Mrs.
Veronica, infertility problem, I'll meet y'all back. Oh my goodness. I know! Where do you find these stories?
I don't know, but I could not pass it up. And I went to find the picture too, because I thought the same thing. Oh, this is a terribly ugly woman or something. Very unattractive.
Cannot, you know, do anything on her own. Right. So it's a scam or something. No, very attractive.
Not fat by any means. It might be this is a picture of someone else, but you know, maybe she's like, okay, now... Maybe. Now put on this bandana and cover your eyes.
We will walk you in to Mrs. Veronica. Yeah, and we are turning on the lights. I imagine she runs a regular church.
She runs a regular church. She's not just back there naked. Right. " I will cure the penis.
Only her bodily fluids. So you're just, and you're done. Hmm. Two minutes.
Maybe she's got like a stack of flashlights. She's just banging away at them or some shit. I don't know. You'd think maybe she'd just make it like a spray bottle.
Spray it on the PPE. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's the fluid, she says. Collect that, you know.
Right, collected it at the end of the day. Yeah, you're right. She's just being selfish. Is it like a cobra thing where they can just drain the venom?
She's just figured out a way to get a dick, that's it. Exactly. And if you're gonna get it, go where it's the biggest. A plethora of dicks.
Africa. Oh, okay. Because she's an American. That's the second time we've said that.
Well, we did that story a month ago about the giant. I know, I know. I'm not trying to bring it up again. I'm trying to let it go.
I'm just trying to move on here. I'm just trying to move on, for the love of God. Okay, moving on. Yes, excellent.
The zoo in Atlanta reveals 20 of their gorillas were exposed to COVID. Okay. Okay. I figured these are your people, we should talk about this.
Okay, okay, these are my people. They will get vaccinated after they recover. Okay, okay. Hold on, let me read the story first.
Zoo Atlanta revealed that their western lowland gorillas, those are the big ones, the big silverbacks and stuff, displayed symptoms of coughing, nasal discharge, and minor changes in appetite. So like Greg. Okay. Like Greg.
Gorillas at Zoo Atlanta have been suffering from COVID-19 symptoms. Officials announced on Friday that some of their 20 Western Lowland gorillas experienced symptoms of coughing. Well, I just said that twice. The animal care and veterinary teams at the zoo went on to test the COVID-19 and receive presumptive positive test results from fecal samples and nasal and oral swabs.
Okay. How did they get that thing up? Yeah, this is what I'm talking about. You're beating me to this.
I'm like, like, so how does that? Well, I've already read this entire story. Okay, so how does that play out? Like, first of all, who gets close enough to a fucking gorilla that gives them Corona?
Oh, that's mentioned here. Okay. We'll get to that in a moment. We'll get to that in a moment.
And then the second thing is, like, how do you approach a gorilla and just fucking take a Q-tip and just... Hell, he's sickly and tired. Oh, you're tired? Ooh, I'm so tired.
Ooh, I'm so tired. Ooh, I'm so tired. I don't feel good, Miss Zoo Lady. Would you like a banana?
Like a... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, just a banana. I mean, holy moly. Maybe they drugged him or something.
Wait till they're asleep. I don't know. No way. Well, the fecal, they're up the butt.
The gorilla can fucking rip your arms off and beat you to death with them. He don't feel good. So just rip the one arm off. I'm not up to it today.
That's fine, just go ahead and shove that up my butt and shove that up my nose and we're good to go. They're also waiting for a confirmation test results from a National Veterinary Service laboratory. I wonder who the slapstick was that approached him. Zoo Atlanta didn't disclose exactly how many of their 20 gorillas tested positive.
Well, you don't want to give those numbers out. Yeah, I mean, that's just a HIPAA violation. violation right for the gross although in the comment section of an instagram post they stated it's our assumption that all our members of the four gorilla troops have been exposed regardless of symptoms exhibited or not so there's some that are a systematic asymptomatic uh all the members of the four we figured what the fuck let's swab them well we can't keep you know we can't keep them socially distant they're picking fleas off each other walk up to the grill and put a mask on All right, so now the gorillas have to wear masks, we're gonna need you to wear this, we're gonna need you to wear this, we're gonna fucking do the sign language to them, six feet, six feet, one, six, six, six, six feet away, away, away, trying to pick fleas off, no, teams are very closely monitoring the affected gorillas, they're hopeful they will make a complete recovery, they're receiving the best possible care, and we are prepared to provide additional supportive care should it become necessary, Sam Riviera, DM Senior Director of Animal Health, said in a statement, we are very concerned that these un-vaxxed gorilla infections occur to especially given that our safety protocols when working with great apes and other susceptible animal species are, and throughout the pandemic have been extremely rigorous. So are there vaxxed and unvaxxed gorillas?
Maybe there are. So there's some that are opposed to the vaccine? They were like, no, nope. Well, a spokes ape.
It could be age-wise. A spokes ape for the AAVG, Association of Anti-Vax Gorillas, made a statement. They have built association. Yes, he made a statement.
Would you like me to read the statement? This guy just came across this fucking article somewhere. Heard about it in the news, and he said, I'm sorry, I'm part of the Association of the Anti-Aging... Association of Anti-Vax Gorillas.
Oh, my God. Would you like to hear the statement? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he threw poop at the media representatives and went back to his banana.
Zoo Atlanta, which is home to the world's oldest living male gorilla, is named Ozzy, revealed in a press release that they believe the gorillas contacted COVID He took it from a fully vaccinated team member who was asymptomatic. Aha! So somebody had it. Somebody had it.
Got within six foot of the gorilla without a mask. And then breathed on them. And breathed on them. Right.
Maybe he went to the gorillas. Talking to the gorillas. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention states that the virus could spread from people to animals in some situations, especially during close contact, but they're still learning about the link. What a country we live in.
That, I mean... The animals are getting it. There was lions or tigers or something that had it last year. They were bored.
When you couldn't have access to the test that we were fucking swabbing tigers. You know, like how fucked are we here? You know what's really kind of crazy? This is what I heard.
By the way, there is no real association. I got that. Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. And then through the poop. Yeah. I got it.
Thank you. Thank you for, you know. It's a real story though. Anti-vaxxism.
Right, anti-vaxxism. Yeah, of the apes. Okay, so here's what I heard. Oh my god, got that down there.
I heard that in Nicaragua. Yes. Right now, the age limit is at 44 for vaccinations. If you're over 44, you don't get it?
No, if you're over 44, you can get the vaccine. Oh, gotcha, you have to be old. Well, they only have so many. Right.
And apparently, the lines to go and get them are fucking atrocious. Oh, I would imagine. I would imagine. Yeah.
There's probably not many places to go. I mean, it's not like you go to CVS here and everybody can get one. But like, in this country, I mean, you could, like you just said, you can go to CVS. I could get hit three times with a vax on the way out the door at this place.
I mean, you know, it's insane. It's insane. Right, you could drive through town and get it 17 times. No fucking wait.
No checking. Yeah, like, hey, I need to get a vax. Okay, cool, boom. You know, it's like, it's done.
Right. And then, if you want to get a booster, even though you don't need it, you're not supposed to get it, you could still fucking get it. Right. How fucked is that?
We have tons, and the poor apes are dying everywhere. And the poor apes, well, those apes, they made their choices. Some of them were vaxxed, and some of them were unvaxxed. Some of them signed no.
Right. Yeah. It's not happening. No, no, no, no.
Whatever, no, no. Banana, no vaxxed. Banana, yeah. Well, they offer bonuses here.
Maybe, you want this banana? Let me give you a little shot. We're throwing in additional bananas. Additional bananas.
With your vaccine, you know. I get my second shot tomorrow. Oh, my second one. Facebook Live it.
I thought about that, but I don't think they'll let me. Probably not. Probably not. Sir, sir.
Sir, sir. No, no, it's fine. I'll take the little thing. We just got the little burp burp.
The little burp burp burp. I don't know what these things are called. Oh my goodness. Burp burp.
All right, we have a Shop of the Week. We do. Oh, this is so exciting. And a Listener of the Week as well.
Who's a Listener of the Week? Oh, you don't have a Listener of the Week? No, we haven't nobody ever said anything. Nobody said anything?
No. Not a single person? We're just running now. Everybody just assumes the show happens every week now.
People text me about the show. Oh. Well, maybe you should text me, people. Ben Rowland's birthday over the weekend, but we just made him listen to the week two weeks ago.
Oh, okay. So, this week's Shop of the Week is: Tobacology 11001 Noakesville Road in Manassas, Virginia. Go in and ask... I don't know where to look now, because there's two cameras.
Go in and ask Mr. Brett Fry, or not ask, but tell him you heard his shop called out on the show. You want to know who actually made a comment to me today about the show? Skip my ankle.
No, Brett Fry. Oh. And our Listener of the Week. Brett Fry, Listener of the Week.
Congratulations, sir. I don't know what to do with that. He's an avid listener. He's a good guy.
He's a good guy. Good deal. But when I drove him around, he did not buy me a cheeseburger. We went to Whataburger.
Whataburger, didn't buy anyone. Did he have one in front of you? They ordered it and I drove them to their hotel and they ate quietly by themselves. In the car while you were driving?
Uh huh. Why are you driving around taking people to Whataburger? They need a ride. They need a ride to the hotel.
I think they were hungry. Were they here? No, I was in Texas. Oh.
You have Uber in Texas now? I'm the Brett-- I feel you're more a Lyft guy. No, I'm a private chauffeur for Brett Frye. Oh.
Yeah, for Tobacology. Brett Frye, isn't there a-- Brett Frye. There's a singer from the '80s, something Frye. We did a Miami Vice song.
Huh. I can't remember. I got nothing. Oh, you're terribly young.
Yeah, in the 80s, I was just getting born. Yes. In the middle. Yes.
My mother's regretted it ever since. Yes, I know. Ever since. All right, anything else, Michael?
We're right in there. I think that we're approaching Pedro time. Well, we're almost at the end of normal time. And then we go into Pedro time.
Well, an hour is Pedro time. " And throw poop at you. And throw poop at you and go back and eat the bananas. All right, everybody, we'll talk to you later.
Bye. We invite you to write the show's host, Mike Szczevankewicz, with any feedback or suggestions that you have for their shows. These broadcasts are presented and made public as entertainment in the hope that they will be entertaining to the audience. This has been a Cigar Hustlers Podcast, a Mike and Mike production.
m. for all new episodes. Hi, I'm doing... I'm Husto-I-Raw.
Yeah, we just don't have to do a single, uh, single podcast ever again. Perfect! I'm good, Mike and Mike. How are you guys doing?
The Hojo, the... Hojo! It's the Hojo! He didn't even let him fuck it up all the way.
I gotta get past Hojo! I don't even have to try anything. He's not even gonna try. We're gonna cover a lot of ground here, Mike.
All right. Try to keep up. That's a sign of a good podcast. It'd be like four cigars when I walked in a door.
All right, end this.
Show Notes
More Covid Madness with gorillas! CLE big Sale! PCA hires the Intern