ACHP 384 Papal Smoke Signals, Space Packages and Giant Cigars
Episode Summary
Episode 384 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast opens with housekeeping: the Patreon segment is a Sobremesa red-banded smoke the hosts can't quite name, a Drew Estate event at the shop on May 2nd (free cigar with ticket), and upcoming guest appearances on Cigar Loons and Developing Palates alongside Steve Saka and the Developing Palates crew. Ryan joins on camera and gets pulled into the banter throughout.
The bulk of the episode is the hosts' usual news roundup, delivered with heavy comedy. They walk through the death of Pope Francis at 88, the role of the camerlengo, the funeral rites, the three coffins (cypress, lead and oak) that Francis himself simplified, and how the conclave of cardinals under 80 votes for a successor — plus a detour into JD Vance's audience with the pope. From there it's trade and logistics: DHL suspending business-to-consumer shipments to the U.S. valued over $800 as the de minimis threshold changes, the ripple effect on Shein and Temu orders, and the new USTR plan to charge Chinese-built and Chinese-owned ships docking fees at American ports ($50 per net ton rising annually). SpaceX's CRS-32 cargo Dragon resupply mission to the ISS gets its own riff, including a running joke about routing packages through the space station to dodge tariffs.
Cigar news is thin post-PCA, but two releases get covered. CLE Cigar Company's Asylum 13 Megalophobia is a 13-inch, 134 ring gauge monster — Tom Lazuka's tongue-in-cheek "enough is enough" answer to the big-ring arms race — with an Ecuadorian wrapper, Honduran binder and Colombian/Honduran filler, two cigars per box with an included lighter, $125 per cigar, 250 boxes, shipping July/August, per Christian Eiroa. Plasencia's Alma del Cielo is the counterpoint: filler tobacco grown at 3,500 feet on Finca San Julián, a family farm in the Nicaraguan mountains repurchased by Nestor Plasencia in 1998, finished with a Jalapa wrapper, medium-bodied, in Robusto ($25), Toro ($27.50) and a hexagonal-pressed 6x60 ($29.50), boxes of 10.
The back half turns to industry chatter: the PCA comedy night that Saka reportedly backed out of, the hosts' pitch for a cigar-industry roast instead, why the Cigar Dojo guys never acknowledge them, Stone Cold Steve Austin crashing an ATV at WrestleMania, and a call-out on people claiming they aren't paying tariffs without producing the CBP 7501 entry summary form that would actually prove it. Shop of the Week goes to Stogie's Pairing Cigar Lounge in Fort Myers.
In This Episode
- 01Show Housekeeping and Upcoming EventsPatreon Sobremesa red-band smoke, a May 2nd Drew Estate event at the shop, and guest spots on Cigar Loons and Developing Palates with Steve Saka.
- 02Pope Francis Dies: Funeral Rites and the ConclaveThe hosts break down the camerlengo's confirmation of death, the lying in state, the three coffins Francis simplified, and how cardinals under 80 elect the next pope.
- 03DHL Suspends Over-$800 Shipments to the U.S.New customs thresholds push DHL to pause business-to-consumer shipments valued above $800, with big implications for Shein and Temu volume.
- 04SpaceX CRS-32 Resupply MissionAn uncrewed cargo Dragon carries 6,700 pounds of supplies and a secret DOD payload to the ISS — and sparks a joke about shipping through space to dodge tariffs.
- 05U.S. Port Fees on Chinese ShipsUSTR's plan to charge Chinese-built and Chinese-owned vessels per net ton to dock at American ports, and Beijing's response.
- 06CLE Asylum 13 MegalophobiaTom Lazuka and Christian Eiroa's 13-inch, 134 ring gauge statement cigar — two per box with a lighter, $125 each, only 500 made.
- 07Plasencia Alma del CieloNestor Plasencia's high-altitude filler from Finca San Julián at 3,500 feet, Jalapa wrapper, medium-bodied, in three sizes from $25 to $29.50.
- 08Industry Talk, Social Media and Shop of the WeekThe PCA comedy night, a pitch for an industry roast, the CBP 7501 form as the only real proof of tariffs paid, and a shout-out to Stogie's Pairing Cigar Lounge in Fort Myers.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Welcome to episode 384 of the Cigar Hustler Podcast this week on the Patreon we are doing what are we doing? We're doing the Sober Mesa Red. The Duque. I don't know what it's called.
It's not the Duque. This is the Duque one. No, it's not. Why not?
The Duque is like the limited edition. It's not out yet. But it's red. It is, but QB doesn't have that one.
Not this red. No, this is a Sobra Mesa, Soblita red thingy. I don't know. Good start.
He came out with so many different ones. So many new things at the show. This came out before the show, but I don't, I don't know. We'll figure that out before we get on the Patreon.
So there's that. What else are we doing? May 2nd, we have an event at the shop. We're doing a Drew Estate event.
If you come in on May 2nd, you get a free cigar with a ticket. So you got to come in beforehand to get the ticket. Make sure you get your ticket. Tomorrow night, I'll be on Cigar Loons.
On a podcast. Nice. And I'm going to be on Developing Palettes tonight, which will be tomorrow or something. By the time this show comes out, it will have happened.
What happened was. What happened. But they can go back and watch it. And I did an excellent job.
I was on a job, Coop came for me, and I defended. Saka monopolized the conversations. Saka talked a lot, Coop tried to attack me, and I didn't acknowledge it. Coop had a sandwich.
Will you let me talk? I can talk too. If you talk over me, he doesn't know what to do. We have Ryan this week.
We have a professional cameraman this week. What's up, everybody? He's a nice addition. I like to mix him in.
You like to mix it up every once in a while? Absolutely. Yeah, okay. Who else is on the show?
Somebody else is on the show, too. Uh, Developing Palettes? Yeah. Aaron?
Aaron? Well, yeah, he is part of the palette. John McTavish? He's the other half of the palette.
Coop? Coop. Sokka? Is June?
I don't think June's on. I think Abe's on, too. Oh, is Abe on, too? There's another person besides you and Sokka.
Oh, you might be right. It might be Abe. It'd be nice. Do you have a picture of Captain America?
You can... We'll talk about Anthony Mackie. Right. I'll put him on in the background.
Find out. Hey, look. I took a picture with it. Look at this.
All right. So, whenever you're ready, sir, let's get into what's going on in the world. Well, we lost a pope. Mm-hmm.
We're down one pope. Pope Francis died today, and we have what happens next and how they choose a new pope. Okay. It's a very complicated procedure.
All right. All right. DHL is backing the Chinese Postal Service and suspending some packages from China to America. Uh-oh.
We talked about that last week. Yep. Now we have to see a FedEx and UPS jump on board. SpaceX is becoming the Amazon of the universe, running packages back and forth to the space station.
Unmanned spaceships are sending now, just full of supplies and packages. Just dropping stuff off. New shirts, new record albums. All right.
That astronaut ice cream stuff you can get online? Oh, I love the ice cream. Nice. USA ports are wanting to start charging Chinese ships at ports to dock their boats.
A docking fee. Oh, docking fee. There's still not much cigar news going on because everybody's still talking about the PCA, but CLE goes big with the megalophobia. Okay.
I imagine that's a large cigar. Yep. And Placencia creates a high-altitude Alma Del Silio. And then we have some social media stuff, too.
Yes, we have social media info. We need to come up with a name for that. And then Gavin's, we gotta talk about Gavin's destroyed car at New Orleans. Oh, right, we only talk about it on the Patreon.
Yeah. Guys, hi Gavin. Hi Gavin. Listen to the week.
Gavin from Espinosa Cigars. We love Gavin. Yes. Not as much as we love Tyler.
Oh, obviously. Mr. Three-peat. Yeah.
But Jack has realigned the way he decides on who's the best salesman. Oh, really? I guess because there's some areas that are bigger than others, and some, even though they're smaller, they get more sales because they have bigger customers or something. I don't know.
He was explaining to someone else, and I was overhearing. You could do percentage growth. Maybe that's what he's doing now. I don't know.
Yeah, like baseline plus, you know, here's your baseline. Carry the one. If you're 15% up. Add Tyler.
Subtract Gavin. Right. And then all of a sudden, Richie's the winner. Subtract half a car.
Right, subtract half a car. All right, on to the pope stuff. All right, the pope. What happens when the pope dies?
Funeral and conclave is explained. Pope Francis, the Roman Catholic Church leader for the last 12 years, died at age 88 on Monday, in the days following a pope's death or resignation. You know, they can resign? I didn't know they could resign.
Step down. Step down. I could see that. Well, I could see wanting to, but I wonder if it's ever happened.
I don't want to pope anymore. Yeah, the hat pinches my head. I'm done pope-ing. We're going to hell.
The Vatican is tasked with both honoring the former pontiff in the case of death and finding a new religious leader. Here's what happens when a papal vacancy occurs. So, first there's a funeral. After Pope's death, Pope's death is confirmed.
He's really dead. No, he's dead. We've checked, he's really dead. He's really dead.
Yep, not breathing. Oh, confirmed by the... No idea what that word is. Oh, say it, say it.
Please say it. Carmelingo. Carmelingo. It sounds like a new Ben & Jerry's flavor.
The personal representative of the Sacred College of Cardinals, the funeral process begins. Oh, so he's the head guy at the thing. He's the head Carmelingo. Right.
Before the... It sounds like a gang, a type of Spanish gang or something. The Carmelingo gang. Who are you?
The Carmelingo. Must check and see if he is dead. The funeral process begins before the Pope is taken to the Sistine Chapel, where he lies in state for public viewing. The body is treated and dressed in proper crimson burial garb, according to the Christian Broadcasting Network, CBN.
Oh, they have a CBN? Yes. Traditionally, the Pope's interment, which takes place between four and six days following his death, occurs after a traditional Roman Catholic funeral mass officiated by the Dean of the College of Cardinals. Not Karmelingo.
Not the Carmelingos. No. The Pope is then entombed in the Grotto before St. Peter's Basilica with three coffins, one made of Cyprus, one of lead, and one of oak.
What? There's three coffins? I heard Trump was shipping all the Carmelingos to Venezuela. Yes, he is.
Can't make light, man. The man died, for God's sake. What am I supposed to do? He's the head guy.
I'm supposed to be... It goes God, then him. It's not like he was assassinated or something. He just died.
He was 88 years old. You know who was the last one to see him? Who? Vance.
Oh, no. JD? Yep. You think JD?
He saw him on Sunday. Oh, boy. He was there for a meeting, and the Pope did not attend the meeting, but he did take a, you know, he had an audience with the Pope. Did he?
Yep. And him and the Pope don't get along. Really? Yes.
According to the article I read. Okay. I have to read a lot of crap now for this job. This job that pays nothing.
You're right. Exactly. The Pope did not like the way we were handling the illegal aliens, the mass exodus that were, you know, putting them all on the planes and sending them out. He wasn't happy with that.
Got it. D. Vance is obviously, you know, happy with it. D.
went and spoke with him? I guess. Maybe got him upset or something. I don't know.
I don't want to cause any, you know, things. Okay. And the JD has only been a Catholic for from 2019, I think they said. Oh, he's a new Catholic.
He's a new Catholic. Right. Very nice. Yeah, well, I wonder why he would switch at his age to being a Catholic.
Better for voting purposes? Probably politicians, political views or whatever. All right, after they put him after you play the which pope is in the coffin game, then a nine-day morning period, you know, they spin them all around, pick which one he's in. It's hard to move the lead one.
I like that you give me a hard time about jokes, and meanwhile you're talking about shuffling his-- Oh, Michael, we don't make light of a serious situation, it's just mourning, it's just terrible. It's not like he was assassinated. Right, it was assassinated. I don't know why they have three different coffins, that seems weird.
You gotta mix it up. Is it like the German thing, where they put one inside the other, inside the other? Oh, yeah, it's like the German thing. You know, the dolls.
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Russian dolls. Oh, Russian dolls, thank you, thank you. Oh, Ryan talks.
Russian coffins. Yeah, maybe the Russian coffins. I'm still here. I'm still here.
Then a nine-day morning period observed by the church begins. Each day an honorary mass is celebrated for the deceased pope in Rome, led by a different cardinal every day. Oh, everybody gets to do one. Yeah.
Everybody takes a turn. What are they doing? In November, however, Pope Francis approved new funeral papal funeral rites meant to simplify the ritual. Oh, thank goodness.
We're dumbing this down. We're dumbing this down. You know, I don't have much time left and I don't like this love process. Can we get rid of two of the three coffins, please?
And reflect the Pope's status as humble pastor instead of a powerful figure. Eliminating traditions like the construction of the three burial coffins. Oh, there you go. There you go.
I like him already. Instead, Popes will be buried in a simple coffin made of wood and lead. Okay, we still got two. Additionally, he allowed future Popes to be buried outside of St.
Peter's at the request, fulfilling his own desire to be buried in Santa Maria Magione, Silica in Rome. Okay, so who do you think you should replace the pope? Who should be the next pope? I don't know any of their names.
Nobody. You think nobody should replace? No pope? Oh, he's, you know, right, against the popes.
Papa don't pope over here. Papa don't pope over there? You don't have anybody, who do you think would be funny to replace a pope? Let me ask you that.
Funny? Yeah. Oh, but pick a comedian. It's like a celebrity, pick a celebrity, but you know what, you'd be a good pope.
Is Bob Hope still alive? No. Bob Hope the pope. The Pope?
That would be nice. What about you, Ryan? I have no idea. I don't care about the papacy, so...
The papacy? Yeah. What about the Carmelingals? Jim Gaffigan?
I don't know. He's Catholic. Jim Gaffigan? Put him in there.
Who's that? Comedian? He's the angry one, right? Isn't he angry all the time?
No, he does like weird voices. Oh, we need a Pope that does voices. I was going Shane Gillis. I don't know who that is.
Do you know who Shane Gillis is? I might know if you explain that. I know the name. He's hilarious.
I'm curious, he would be an awesome Pope. Oh. Well, uh, the people actually vote for the Pope. Yeah.
Cardinals under the age of 80 are eligible to vote for a new Pope according to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. The number of cardinals participating in the vote is limited to 120. So 120 of the Popes that are under 80. That's how that works?
Yes. And then traditionally, cardinals assemble in the Sistine Chapel at the Vatican Palace, fifth, oh, they have a palace. 15 to 20 days after the Pope's reign to vote on the next Pontiff and remain secluded there until one is elected, the Cardinals participate in a secret vote once on the first day of the conclave and four times on each subsequent day. I wonder if they're talking.
Trying to talk like a trial or something. All right. Well, hey, Pope's gone. New Pope coming in.
You guys don't know who it is. We have to vote on the Pope. Each new Pope is a They will be selected for life. Yeah.
Unless they resign. Unless they resign. According to the Archdiocese in Boston, Pope John Paul II introduced a change to the voting process in which a candidate may win by simple majority if no new pontiff is chosen through the first phase of the conclave, which lasts about 12 to 13 days. At that point, the next pope may be selected by simple majority, and the options may be limited to the top two vote-getters.
It's too bad I never met the pope. Why? Because then I could post about it and take a photo and say that he's very moving. Oh, yeah, I don't know.
He was a great man. I did some Pope stuff with him. I mean, now you can go take a picture with his dead body somewhere. Yeah, I could take a, I mean, one of the tombstones or whatever.
All right, next story. All right, well, you know, we can't fast forward. You need to move faster. All right, new DHL rules suspend some shipments to USA.
S. custom regulations take effect. The change, announced just days before implementation, applies to packages valued over $800 and marks a significant shift in how cross-border e-commerce is processed and regulated. This is the stuff we talked about last week, they're changing that rule.
Because we laughed about it, because China said no more packages. No more packages, well, because they changed the rule, $800 and up now gets tariffs. Right. So, the pause, which went into effect on April 24th, targets all business-to-consumer shipments, Where the declared customs value exceeds $800.
Previously, only shipments exceeding $2,500 required formal customs entry. So all that Sheen and Timu stuff. So now we've lowered the bar all the way to $800. Right.
I still feel like you're getting a lot of stuff out of DHL under $800 from business to consumer. Well, yeah, I mean, from Sheen and Timu, I mean, that's a lot of stuff for $800. It's practically a building you can get for $800. $799.
com. com. You can get a building for $800. in the building.
Change comes in response to customs rule which came into effect on April 5th, lowering the threshold and required more packages to go through complex import procedures and customs scrutiny. DHL attributes a temporary suspension to the increased workload these rule changes created. S. from any origin of shipments with a declared customs value exceeding $800.
The company set an official update effective Monday, April 21st. Until further notice, we will temporarily suspend the collection and shipment of business-to-consumer B2C shipments to private individuals in the United States where the declared custom value exceeds $800. But if you do business-to-business... You're going to get tariffed anyways, no?
Nope. Shipments both B2B and B2C with a declared custom value If you're below $800 and not affected, the company said in a statement, but DHL is still bringing B2B, business to business. So they're still shipping. Okay, like if you order something from somebody in China and they're shipping it to your house, no.
If you order over $800, if you order something they're shipping to here, then that still goes, you just pay the money. You just pay the tariff. You just pay the tariff. So how many transactions do you think, I'm going to ask Grock here, how many transactions happen under $800 From business to consumer.
Or under $800? Yeah. It's got to be an uncountable number. $800, probably would be faster if Ryan did it, but it's okay.
He doesn't have that app. From China. The Pope liked that app, so he doesn't have it. To the US.
Let's see. I'm grokking right now. Let's see if we have an answer. You're grokking?
Yeah. There isn't a precise, publicly available figure. S. 36 billion shipments, goods valued at $800 or less from all countries, with about 60% originating from China.
So, you know, you're still going to get a lot of packages. There's still a ton that's going to be coming in. Sure, because under $800. Yeah.
If my wife was getting $800 packages from Sheen, there'd be a problem. We wouldn't have enough room in our house. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.
I mean, she gets $100 packages now and we don't have room in our house. There's a lot of stuff. Small house. And a bungalow.
She uses the word bungalow now. I saw that. I like bungalow. We have a bungalow.
Oh my goodness. All right, SpaceX, that's where you get your packages now. There's no tariff. SpaceX is the way.
No tariffs with them. SpaceX launches a 30-second resupply mission for NASA to the International Space Station. 32 shipments they have sent now. That's a lot of frozen pizza.
How fast? m. or something, or no? Yeah.
Yeah? It's outer space. Shouldn't take long. It's there by 8 o'clock.
S. Oh, I didn't think about that. Is that a way to circumvent? Yeah, China to the space station to back down.
Yeah. Oh, what an idea. Musk could be circumvented. Get Elon on the phone.
Hey, I'm not really for the whole tariff thing, so what I'm thinking is, if we just ship it right to the space station, and then down, it's considered what? Property of space? SpaceX? Loophole.
Loophole. Loophole announced. SpaceX launched an uncrewed cargo dragon. Mm.
Dragon. S. cargo ship. Uh-oh, who else is on the ships?
m. The cargo Dragon mission, dubbed Commercial Resupply Service #32, carries 6,700 pounds of science and supplies to the station. That's a lot of ice cream. A lot of pizza.
A lot of pizza. 5 minutes after launch, Dragon separated from the upper stage of the Falcon 9 rocket. Docking with the ISS forward port of the Harmony module is expected around 8:20 AM. Four hours.
That's it. Four hours. That's all it took. Four hours and 20 minutes.
Man. I can't get to Vegas. That seems a long time. What are you talking about?
It's a rocket. It's going up. It goes straight up. Yeah.
Right. You think that's a long period of time? It seems like a long time. That seems pretty fast to me.
I don't know, it seems like they should be faster. Ryan, do you feel like that's faster now? Yeah, I mean, once you go up, I'm sure you've got to deal with all the, you know… What, air traffic? There's nothing else in the way.
The planet moving type of thing? Yeah. The planet moving. The planet's moving.
Yeah, but they're not hitting a planet, they're hitting a space station. But that's in orbit. I'm sure they aim it for where it's going to be. You think they just aim it?
Yeah. Like, okay, we're going to launch, space station's over here. By the time we get to it, it's going to be over there. Okay.
You think they're chasing it? No. It just slings around the earth and then eventually shoots out. Yeah, they're just aiming that way.
Okay. They know where it's going to be. They have those people with the pads and the papers. They'll figure it out.
I've seen the movie. I'm sorry that you're disappointed that it takes four hours. Man, it seems like a long time. Yeah.
Four hours and 20 minutes. It should just be a big long wire, right? A big long wire? Yeah.
Can't do that. It goes. It would tangle up. That doesn't make any sense.
That makes no sense at all. Say it's going this way. The earth's going this way. Anyway, it won't work.
Yeah, okay. Maybe next time. Oh, I guess they could line it up where they were going as we were going. I feel like your next job, you're going to be working for SpaceX.
I don't have that much lifetime to change another career. Yeah? No. I'm going to submit your resume.
Are you? Yeah. Oh, it's probably on Indeed or something, it'll be there, fine. LinkedIn?
Yes. On Tuesday, April 22nd, the rendezvous and docking will be overseen by the inside station of NASA astronaut Johnny Kim and Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency JAXA. Astronaut Takiyua Onishi. That's how you say his name, I checked.
You checked? Are you checking the words now? Well, it was Japanese. I mean, there was no way I'm gonna get right.
Everybody loves when you don't... Those are Spanish words. When you mispronounce everything. Those are Spanish words, Michael.
So what? SpaceX did not broadcast views of the dragon. It happened so much they don't even care anymore. The dragon separation from the Falcon 9 upper stage, but did confirm that...
Nah, we did launch a ship, though. the trunk that has a trunk like a car contained the stph 10 suite of payloads for the department of defense's oh space techs program star wars laser beams star wars sharks with laser beams sharks which was not noted by nasa prior to the launch Are we bothering you? No. Not at all.
We're changing stories. Okay. S. Department of Defense with the secret payloads?
Yes. The STPH-10? What is being sent via the DOD? They're not saying.
Not well. It's a secret. Maybe we should know something. It's a secret.
Maybe we should know something. You think Elon knows or they just go, "Look, we're bringing a thing, you can't look in a box"? Maybe Elon's not allowed to look in a box. I feel at this point he's probably not allowed, because I think they're questioning his loyalty now.
To what? You didn't, oh no, they did last week. For what? Trump said some bad things.
Oh yeah? Because he's not on, he's not on board with the tariffs. Okay. So what?
Well, if you're the tariff guy, you want everybody on your team to be on board with the tariffs. I don't know, you want to be surrounded by yes people? I don't want to be surrounded by yes people. Well, Trump likes yes people.
If I was surrounded by yes people, then what the hell are you doing here? Because you just fight me all the time. I didn't say you were surrounded by yes people, I said Trump is. " Or do you like, I can't tell you, I don't know.
You think nobody's told him he looks like a Cheeto? I think somebody has told him. I bet nobody has. How do I look?
Does this look good? You look great, sir, it looks perfect. No, don't change a thing. You're fired.
You're fired. He hasn't seemed as Cheeto-esque as of late. I don't know. I just think it's a bad Cheeto job.
He could look like a Cheeto. I don't care. But let's, like, do the eyes, not just the socket. Yeah.
Leave the socket undone. And they don't do his ears. They usually stop and don't do his ears. He's got to be taped up.
Just do it all. He's got to take the cucumbers off. Right. Spray him.
Get a spray tan. Get a good spray. Cheeto spray tan. Get a good spray going?
Yes. Okay. All right. S.
now wants to charge Chinese ships to dock at American ports. I love it. Yeah, why not? Just give her a few more bucks.
You know what I'm saying? The United States has unveiled plans to impose new port fees on Chinese ships, saying it aims to revive American shipbuilding against China's dominance in the industry, President Donald Trump has embarked on a sweeping trade war with China, a move his administration portrays as a bid to bring manufacturing back to the United States, but that critics and many economists fear could trigger a global recession and increased prices for China. S. S.
Government, I like how they have to put all the little letters in, because it's not like they use that later in the story. S. Government will charge fees on all Chinese built and owned ships, so they don't have to change the labels on the ships. Made in America on the back of the boat.
And not from us. And not from us. We buy over here from you. This American.
This American boat. American boat. S. port based on net tonnage or goods carried on each voyage.
Great. Now they're getting the tariff and the charge and a fee on the weight of the goods. There's a fee fee. There's a fee fee.
There's a fee fee. There's a fee. The new fees will be enforced in around 180 days time, rolled out in phased manners, and may be raised in coming years. According to, oh, USTR, sorry, here they go.
There it is. 5 million per port call. That's nice. That's a lot of money.
Which had prompted a widespread industry backlash. What, sorry? We're going to be out of this deficit in no time. Right.
You know, just charge one ship, like, you know, $4 trillion. Oh, you want a dock? That'll be $4 trillion. $4 trillion, please.
We take American Express. New rule. Capital One. It's a new rule.
New rule. S. Trade Representative Jameson Greer said in a statement. S.
S. built ships. I think that would be hilarious. Just send them a bill.
What's the bill for? They get a little excessive on all these. I mean, just say we don't want anything else from China. You can't bring it in.
Just cut to the chase already. Oh, Lord. Even it up. You gotta even it up.
Okay, so now there's a tariff on goods made. Right. Now there's a fee on boats that come in. Okay.
Cardboard per employee, per Chinese employee on your boat. Yeah. That's a great, it's another fee. Any Chinese food, we charge by the pound for the egg rolls.
We charge for the noodles. And the egg food young and the noodles. Lo mein? Wait, wait, is that chicken lo mein or vegetable lo mein?
And is it American chicken or Chinese chicken? Chinese chicken. Chinese chicken. General Sao chicken.
We charge a lot for that. General Sao. Oh, we don't eat that. I don't care.
You get it anyway. It's going to be an additional trillion. Carry the one here. Just send the bill.
Hey, you owe us $35 trillion. For what? Like, I don't know. I don't know.
We'll figure that out. Yeah, we don't know. Just write the check. The US plan provoked a robust response from Beijing.
China is strongly dissatisfied and firmly opposed to this. S. " And at a regular press conference, China's Ministry of Foreign Affairs spokesman Lin Jun said that imposing port fees and adding tariffs on loading and unloading equipment were, oh, now we're charging them to take them on and off the boat, too. There's got to be a fee for that.
More a fee on the fee fee. Oh, you wanted to take it off the boat. You went off the boat. Oh, okay.
Well, come on, there's more. That's an extra. Oh, my God. Just stop taking stuff from China.
Just cut, just stay it already. No more. No more. , harming the interest of American consumers.
October 14th, Chinese-owned and operated ships will be charged $50 a net ton, a rate that will increase by $30 a year over the next three years. $50 a net ton. Because after four years, this is going to get wiped out if, you know... Chinese-built ships owned by non-Chinese firms will be charged $18.
So a Chinese-owned ship, so they can't buy our ships either. We'll sell it to them. You still get charged the fee. We can sell the one boat for $35 trillion.
I mean, it's so easy to solve all of this. Just one bill. Send one invoice. Wait.
Okay, if you have a boat not made in China, but you are China, it's $18 a net ton with an annual fee increase of $5. Less. Why increase $5? We'll give you a discount.
We'll give you a good deal. Well, you gotta, you know, you gotta offset the inflation. That's why I got him raising up five bucks. Trump has already hiked tariffs to a combined 145% on Chinese made goods while Beijing is retaliated with $125 duties on US goods.
Well, it's still cheaper. Yeah, it's still less. We're winning. That's a W for us.
That's a W. Right. No fees on American boats to pull into China. Boom.
No fee fees on the fufu. Oh, no, no fee fee. Well, we don't send anything over there anyways. No, no, they buy just about as much made-in-American stuff as we buy made-in-China stuff.
Really? Yes. You think so? Yes.
I don't think that's the case. I used to do that for a living, Michael. There's no way. Yes.
The rich love our American stuff. I'm gonna tell you right now. What's that RV, the silver one? The RV?
Yeah, the... The silver one? The trailer, the camper, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
They love those over there. They love them? They're just everywhere? Yep.
The rich people have them. How many Fords are over there? Oh, you'd be surprised. Yeah?
A ton? They have Fords, but there may be a different, I mean, it may not be like a Ford Mustang, it might be called a Ford something else, but they do have a Ford something else. Yeah, because it was always funny to see an American brand, but a type of car that I've never heard of before. Okay, so let's ask.
Okay, you ask. I'm gonna talk about the CLE goes big. They just take the R's off the Ford. They can't say it.
Yeah, they can't say the R's. So instead of Ford, it's Fode. We got Fode cars. Keep going.
CLE goes big with the megalophobia. Many years ago a cigar with the thickness of a 60 ring gauge would have raised an eyebrow. Now the size is so common that it's standard in most cigar lines. Honduran cigar maker CLE Cigar Company has continued to push the envelope releasing cigars measuring 70, 80, 90, and even 100 ring gauge.
Okay, just to quickly surmise here from Grock. S. 9 billion. , $143 billion.
Almost, they said. It's practically the same. It's four times the size. We have richer people.
It's 4x. It's not the equivalent. It's three times. Because we have one.
9. And we have 100 and something. So 3 million more. 5x.
I'm talking about this giant cigar. So no, it's not even. You'd be surprised. It's very close.
It's not even remotely close. It's close. Sure it is. Still both millions.
Billions. Or whatever you said. Or whatever I said. Yeah, who cares what I said.
I don't know. I'm talking about a 100 ring gauge cigar. You're the one saying it's the same. I'm telling it's not the same.
I said almost as much. And I'm saying it's not almost as much. If you get that high of a number, it is an almost. You just round up and it's fine?
Yes. Oh, okay. Good for you. Right.
All right. So ridiculous. 100 ring gauge, but now has dwarfed them all. Someone has dwarfed them all, it's their latest release, Asylum 13, Megalophobia.
How big do you think it is? It's... Oh, wait, just do the ring gauge, it's ridiculous. Hmm, the ring gauge?
Yes. 400 gauge. Ryan, would you like a guess? 210.
134, Ryan wins. 13 inches. That's not that much bigger. No, it's not.
It's about the same, just by Palmer math. Right. By BDP math, it's... It's the same, right.
Yeah, so what you're saying is CLE really didn't do anything. Well, yeah, they made a 134 ring gauge cigar, but it's close to his guess. It's about the same as the 100 ring gauge one, right? No, they didn't make a 100 ring gauge.
They made 134 ring gauge. I know, but you stated that the 100 ring gauge one was the biggest, right? Well, yeah, they didn't go much bigger. Yeah, it's about the same.
Yeah, it's roughly the same. Thank you. But it's longer. It's longer, but not much longer.
Cigar thickness is measured 1/64 of an inch, so a 134 ring gauge is more than two inches thick. Wow. CLE releases Mismo, is what you're saying. Megalophobia was created as a humorous way for Tom Lazuka to enter the barrage of even bigger cigars from other companies.
On the lid of the box is a declaration, "Enough is enough. We're just having fun with this cigar," says Christian Iroa. It's Tom's response to competitors that keep coming out with cigars to compete with the asylum. Hence, enough is enough.
The blend consists of an Equinorian covered leaf, Honduran binder, and mix of Colombian and Honduran fillers. According to the company, the cigar is medium to full-bodied in terms of strength. Due to its mammoth dimensions, only two cigars are included per box. Only two.
Only two. It's almost three. It's practically four. Practically.
Practically. It's practically a box of 20. Along with a lighter with a flame large enough to light it. Oh, it comes with a nice lighter.
How big is the flame? Large enough to light it. Yeah. That's what it sounds.
Oh, thank you. It's about the same as any other lighter? Just about. It's about the same.
It's about the same. Only 250 boxes or 500 cigars will be, I'm surprised they're making that many, will be produced. The suggested retail price is $125 per cigar. Produced in Donnelly, Honduras at the CLE Factory Asylum 13, megalophobia is expected.
It's expected to ship in July or August. We're going to get some of those. Where do you come up with the name megalophobia? That is fear of large things.
Is it? Yes. So then why would you put it on one of the biggest things that the cigar industry has ever seen? Because you should be afraid of it.
You should be afraid of it? Yes. If I'm afraid of it, why would I buy it? Well, you just said you're not buying it.
Why don't I just call it death? Why call it death? Because that's scary, right? Death is scary?
Are you scared of death? No, I'm not. I'm waiting. You welcome death at this point.
I welcome you. It's almost the same as life. It's practically the same thing. It's practically the same thing.
It's just darker. It's quieter. It's quieter. Less problems, they say.
Oh my goodness. Are you excited about the megalophobia, Ryan? I thought you were excited about death. I was going to parlay that.
Are you looking forward to dying, Ryan? What about the death? No, I'm not. No, you're not?
Wait, death of the cigar. Yeah, which one are we talking about here? I'm excited for death, of course. He's definitely excited for death, of course.
He's definitely excited for death. But a giant cigar? You get to see the Pope. You get to see the Pope.
You get to see the old Pope. He'll be in the wrong place. Oh, man. Pope goes to hell, apparently.
You heard it here first, folks. All right. Moving on. Plasencia creates the high altitude Alma del Cilio.
Okay. Cigar tobacco historically has been grown in the valley. What is it again? Say it again.
Cilio. C-I-E-L-O. C-L-O, C-L-O. C-L-O.
C-L-O. It's got to be close. It's got to be close. Somebody will call me and tell me.
Don't worry. You moron! Let's see. Tobacco historically has been grown in valleys, low-lying areas surrounded by hills or mountains.
A new cigar unveiled at the PCA trade show turns traditions on its head. And it comes with a company with generations of experience growing tobacco. There is something very special, says Nestor, Placencia, opening a box of Placencia Alma del Silio cigars. The cigar named for Soul of the Sky features some tobacco that is grown on a farm in the mountains of Nicaragua and the farm is 3,500 feet above sea level.
Oh. Oh, it has to be brought in by plane only. I thought SpaceX would have been involved. I was gonna say that.
You beat me to it. You beat me to it. It gets launched into space. Oh, SpaceX.
They pick it up on the way back through. And then it comes back down. And tobacco, I haven't seen any other place that does that. What's the wrapper?
I don't know. This is just another gimmicky thing. Everybody else gets their tobacco from the valley. Let's say we got it on top of the mountain.
We got ours all the way on the top of the mountain. All the way on the tippy tippy top of the mountain. Oh, and the view is unbelievable up there where they grow. It's a great view.
Yeah, that the farm is called Finca San Julien and at high altitude delivers different weather than Placencia finds in other parts of Nicaragua. His company grows more cigar tobacco in Central America than anybody else. Okay. What's the temperature?
What? Okay, keep going. I thought you were done. No, the temperature is lower, especially in the evening.
The cold nights give us specific flavor. He explains the high elevation and lack of shade found in a valley. leads to more sunlight so why this farm well we had extra land it was available there's a family connection it was a cattle and coffee farm that was owned by malolina torres placentia's maternal grandmother who spent time there in her youth before her father had to sell it in 1961 oh we were raised listening to the stories of the farm on the mountains of placentia And now we went back. I get the love of tobacco from my father and the love of nature from my mother.
Nestor's father, Cigar Aficionado Hall of Fame, Nestor Plasencia, bought the farm for his wife in 1998. This is for you. Here is your farm. I bought your mother's farm back.
It is mine now. Now it is mine. We'll put the lions on the top of the mountain. It will never say AJ Fernandez on it.
It will not be only AJ. There was a picture of him the other day. Didn't have that on his shirt, I looked close. The soil is unbelievably rich, says Nestor.
The water comes from a spring in the mountains, says Nestor. He uses some of the tobacco from this farm, the filler blend for Alma Del Silio. All the tobacco is from Nicaragua, all grown by the Placentias. It is finished with a wrapper leaf from Jalapa.
Placentia calls it medium-bodied cigar. Okay, so wait a second. So it's not even the wrapper? No, it's part of the filler.
It's part of the filler. What's the filler? It's shit tobacco, Michael. What?
Allegedly. Allegedly. I'm sure it's wonderful. It tastes already.
I don't want to piss these guys off. It's amazing tobacco. It grows on top of a farm, for God's sake. Some people you don't want to piss off.
The Pope blessed it the day before he died. The day after he met with JD? Yeah. That's why JD came there.
" I need you to bless this tobacco. Certainly not a problem. In a SpaceX rocket. Yeah.
And then they sent the Pope up in a SpaceX rocket. It's all coming together now. It's all coming again there. Okay.
The best filler tobacco you can find. It's going to change cigar making as we know. I wonder how much these cigars are going to be. Let's keep reading.
Cigar aficionado smoked an early sample at the Big Smoke Meets Whiskey Fest last week and agreed with the medium bodied assessment. Oh, we agree, but he is right. It's medium? We agreed that it's, yeah, it's medium.
Well, it is medium. The cigar comes in three boxes, each packed in boxes of 10, oh, three sizes, sorry. Each packed in boxes of 10. There is a Celeste, a Robusto.
I thought it was like that German thing. No. Guess how much the Robusto is. Okay, hold on.
$25. Oh, exactly. On the money. Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Ryan, you don't get to guess because he got it right on the money there. Good job. Okay, there's a Toro. Let Ryan go first on the Toro.
If the Robusto is $25, how much is the Toro? Yes, using that as a gauge. $30. 50.
Well, that's reasonable. It's the same thing. Yeah. It's practically the same.
And a hexagonal pressed smoke that is a six by 60. Yeah. Not part of the megalophobia, people. No, not a megalophobia.
Suggested retail prices? Ryan? I just whiffed the other one. I'm going with 30 again.
50. Very close. It's about the same. They're all about the same price by BDP math.
That's right. We started Alma Fuego, followed by Alma Del Campo and Alma Del Fuego, the new cigar will be unveiled tomorrow at the PCA Wells, last week at the trade show, we didn't go get one. We did not. Alright, got a shop of the week?
No, what about... Oh, you have the social media news. You don't have any social media stuff? Oh, you said you were.
Apparently there's something going on with Saka supposedly not on the comedy club stand or whatever. We didn't, I didn't hear anything, I mean I knew it was happening, but I didn't hear anything about it after the fact. We heard nothing about it. No, probably because it wasn't any good.
You don't think it was funny? Did you see the people they had? Carney was on there. I love Carney, but he's not funny.
You don't think he's funny? He tells good stories. Yeah. But that does not translate into the ability to tell jokes.
If it was more roast-esque. I don't think they were roasting anybody. I think it was supposed to be like a two-minute stand-up. Oh, that's probably why Steve backed out.
You know, and I popped in on the Bentley guides because you can see them from us and I'm friends with Mike. So, nobody mentioned over there at all? Nobody talked about the... No, nobody was talking about it.
Huh. Hmm. Very interesting. Very.
I feel like we should be invited to something like that. It was open to the public. No, but like... We should be up on the thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. If it was a roast, I'd love to roast. We would rip everybody to shreds.
I wonder if there's a podcast where two guys should sit down and roast everybody. Why don't we just roast, why don't we just do roast next year? That would be great. They should actually do that.
It should be a roast, and it should be for one of the main dudes. I mean, we've made fun of everybody that came by the booth so far. Yeah, and if we're not invited, it's clear that people don't like us. Well, they're not going to invite us.
You don't think so? If Garofalo ran it, you don't think he'd invite us? We're buddies at this point. Well, maybe Garofalo, but I mean, we're barely allowed in the PCA.
He ran the comedy thing. Right, yes, I know. Oh, I think that's the way the direction should go. Yeah, turn it into a roast.
Should they pick one person or roast the industry? No, like you shred Rocky Patel, or, you know, somebody... I don't think any of their, um, what's the word? I don't think any of them would allow that to happen to themselves.
No? No. I don't know. We'd let them roast us.
Yeah, that'd be, no, but whatever. That wouldn't bother us. Yeah, but I mean, you've seen those roasts on TV, then at the end, you get to fight back. So, they roast us, and then we get to take a shot at whoever wanted to, brave enough to say something.
I don't think they want that smoke, bro. Then why are they gonna let us out on it anyway? I think it'd be funny. Well, it would be.
It'd be hilarious. A couple things. " Right. A couple things to cover real quick.
Certainly. For one, you know, as far as WrestleMania is concerned, 'cause that just ended. Yes. Now, wrestling in my house hasn't been as apparent as it was.
Not as popular as it was in past years? No. As of right now, Jax is really dialed in with NBA basketball and stuff, playoffs and all that other stuff. Right.
But I had a friend come over, and he wanted to watch WrestleMania, so we turned it on. Stone Cold Steve Austin ran right into, he came out to announce the attendees or whatever. It's a thing that they do. And he came out on this ATV.
Attendees of the WrestleMania? Yeah, the total number of people there or whatever. Oh, I got you. So when he came out, he ran the ATV into the wall.
Could he not stop it? I guess he, yeah. And I think a person fell or something. Yeah.
He can still catch the beers, though. I watched that. He caught the beers very well. He's in a lot of pain, from what I understand.
You think so? Yeah, his hands and his knees and stuff. I mean, it's a lot of damage to your body when you do that stuff. He looked pretty good.
I heard he's into, like, wine lately. He's not doing wine, though, on stage? I think he bought, yeah, bought a vineyard or something. You know, he should have done that.
They should have been throwing him bottles of wine. Oh, man. That would have been awesome. Maybe.
But yeah, so no, he ran into the wall, which is pretty fun. Which is pretty fun. I saw the other day his Stone Cold 316 thing. Yeah.
That they didn't want him to do it because they thought it was blasphemy or whatever. Right. And still to this day, it's the number one selling t-shirt in WWE history. I believe it.
Yeah. Ryan has like eight of them. Right? Yeah.
I have a flag right above my bed. Yeah. Got a flag up front of his house. He loves Austin.
Stone Cold Steel. Steve Cold Steel. You know, one thing that I thought was weird about PCA, and it continues to happen to us, The Dojo Guys do not cover us at all, and they were at the Romacraft booth. They always are.
Yeah. They don't even wave. Do you think they don't like us? Oh, certainly they don't like us.
Why? He has not said hello to me since, ooh, the Great Smoke one year. Right. I mean, a long time ago.
I went into a booth and they were there. Oh, it was Guy Fieri when I was taking, getting pictures of the necklace. Oh, yeah. And I totally, I think I trumped them.
Like I jumped in front of them. Like, I'm really sorry. That's one reason. Sorry guys.
Like, I'll be out of your way in two seconds. I do make comments on their stuff on social media. Sometimes they acknowledge I did, sometimes they don't. Depends on who made the post.
I mean, we hit top 25 half wheel. We've hit top 25 half wheel. Every year since the United came out. Yeah, it's been, you know, it's been a minute.
Right. You think that, why wouldn't they cover us? They don't like us. You know, they don't like us?
Erik, if you could tell us why you don't like us, we would like to hear. We should go out next year to the great, smoky, routy, mountain, whatever, yada yada thing. And he does that show, and we just crash the show. We just crash the show?
Right. Where he has everybody on, it's like a telethon sort of thing. Or we should start doing the boxing in the back or whatever, like we did. We just walk out.
We just walk in. Yeah. Just sit down? Hmm.
Interesting. Bring our own microphones. I think that's a... Bring a megaphone.
And then there was one other thing that happened on social media that I thought was comical. Yes, what was that, Michael? People are still trying to go out and prove information about not having to pay tariffs. Oh, is that still going on?
Yeah, and I asked, I said, "Okay, that's great. " Unfortunately, they could not prove it. What they did, what they released, is not documentation, So, you know, if you're going to go paper with a road on it, I did not pay tariff. No.
Well, yeah, I know. Here it is on this napkin. It's right here. On the napkin.
Tariff zero. It's smudged from where my drink sat on it, but it's still legal. No, they didn't disclose a 7501 form is what it's called. The 7501 form, just so you know, is where you would see if a tariff is being paid.
Applied to SpaceX flights. Yeah, you have to, in order to get the, if you want it, right, you got to launch it in through SpaceX, from Nicaragua. That gets the, right. Yeah.
I just wanted to know, if Elon Musk launches any type of spaceship out of Nicaragua, yeah, he's definitely out of the Trump campaign booth. Oh, yeah, certainly, right. It's not happening. Not happening.
So, you know, I think it's kind of important that if you're going to make an accusation or say something, and you have the ability to prove it, you should probably disclaim that and show your proof. That's a good proof. Are they showing anything? They did.
So what are they showing? It was a customs origin form. No, that just shows where it's shipping from. Correct.
Yeah. It doesn't show any amount of tariffs. No tariffs or anything on it. Correct.
Right. Correct. And I'm sure that some people were convinced like, oh yeah, that way. Oh yeah, look at that.
There's no money mentioned on that at all. Right. Oh, how about a knife tariff schedule? Look at that.
No way. But the reality is that it's not going to be on that form. It's going to be on the 7501. 7501.
That's the form you fill out to get to 7501. Exactly. Anything else? My phone's ringing.
I got a Shop of the Week. Go ahead. Stogie's Pairing Cigar Lounge in Fort Myers. Apparently, they play our show on the regular.
Oh, Stogie's. We love you guys. We love you guys. I have to come down and see you.
I don't have a listener, I don't think. You don't have a listener? Oh, no. John Lovell.
John Lovell, sorry. I had a cigar in my mouth. Don't you speak cigar? I don't speak cigar.
Yes, you do. We do too. Mr. Levels, nice to see you again, sir.
Thank you. Excellent. All right. Well, we're going to get onto this Patreon in a second.
So thanks so much for listening. We got to go. See you later. Bye.
Bye. Welcome to the Cigar Hustler Podcast, the show brought to you commercial-free. But a massive shout out to our amazing patrons on the Patreon. Thanks to your unwavering support, we're able to do unfiltered, unbiased opinions.
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Show Notes
Episode Title:
“Papal Smoke Signals, Space Packages, and Megalophobia Madness”
Episode Description:
In Episode 384 of The Cigar Hustlers Podcast, we unpack a wild week of global events and cigar industry buzz. The world mourns as Pope Francis passes away, and we break down what happens next inside the walls of the Vatican—including how the next Pope is chosen. Then, we dive into the shipping shake-up: DHL teams up with the Chinese postal service while suspending certain packages to the U.S., SpaceX starts looking a lot like Amazon in orbit, and U.S. ports are pushing back with proposed new docking fees for Chinese ships.
On the cigar front, C.L.E. launches Megalophobia in a bold move that has everyone talking, and Plasencia takes things to new heights with Alma del Cielo, a cigar crafted in high-altitude magic.
Tune in for sharp takes, solid laughs, and the insider scoop—only on The Cigar Hustlers Podcast.