ACHP Episode 499 Teeth, Speed & Secrets - Then Light One Up

Transcript

"Are you recording? Do we sound okay? Do we sound okay? Do we sound okay?

Yeah. You only got one head on it. Again? Do you sound okay?

Do we sound okay? Do we sound okay? Is the doc in the sock with the mock in the back? The pock nod, the fucking Jackie, we're at your hall.

Good. Okay. One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one. One, one, one, one, one, one, one, one.

Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Banana banana. Are we going?

Is it? Are we on? Yep. Welcome to A Cigar Hustler Podcast 499.

Just one way from the end. Whoa. From 500. Whoa.

You know, 500 falls on April Fool's Day. April Fool's Day. April Fool's Day? April Fool's Day?

April Fool's Day? April's Day of Fool? April Fool's Day. There we go.

Okay. I'm Mike Palmer, your host, and over in engineering, well, see, I had this planned for some of those. Over in engineering, we've got Triple G, back by popular demand, and now tell your mother you're on the show again. Yep, my mom.

So she'll be happy. Yeah, she's avid. Well, she is now. Yeah, she watches when he comes on.

Yeah, now when you are on. My baby's on. Phil needed the day off. He's on the set of one of his new movies, Under a Tree, Illegal Love.

And then as my co-host, as always, Mikey, it's Preston Tuesday, Stepan Kavich. Okay, but this airs Wednesday. Yeah, I know, but everybody knows we record a day early. It's still Preston Tuesday.

It doesn't matter what day, this goes on. Okay. Preston was not here today, though. He'll be here later.

He's become a diva, now he wins specific times, and varies weekly, the day and time. Listen. He's gotten semi-famous, and he's making demands. The league is, the season's about to start, so it gets, like, the times and everything are a little bit crazier for him.

So what I said was correct? No. He's not a diva. You're just explaining why he's a diva.

That doesn't negate the fact that he is. He's not a diva. He's very defensive for his little friend. All right, on today's show, give up your passwords or go to jail.

Hong Kong isn't asking twice. A Florida woman bites a cop like it's part of the plan. A guy's doing a hundred swears at self-defense against an animal. And then in cigars, two new releases and Idaho officially puts cigars on wheels.

But before we get to any of that, Mikey, how do we get some of that CHPod swag? Matt Swag. What are the most funniest comments people put up since yesterday? Ooh.

And how do you make an appointment with us at PCA? These are all great questions, Palmer. Thank you so much for asking. First of all, before you go any further, I need you to like and subscribe wherever you're viewing or listening if you value our edutainment that we are providing for you.

We want to be part of every day, weekday for you. So you guys have a good chuckle, get some information before your day gets going. com for all your chpod swag, just like this great BDP shirt, which I love, it's one of my favorite shirts. - Is that still available?

- I wear them all the time, what's that? - Still available. - BDP, still available? - I'm sorry, yeah, are you good?

Yeah, your BDP shirt is available, it's buy one, get one, 40% off. Spend $100 or more, you're gonna get free shipping on your order. If you're a retailer, and you're a customer of ours, we wanna have a meeting with you at the show, check, hit the Cali link Link below for PCA in New Orleans. It's coming up, man.

It's right around the corner. Almost 18 days away, 19 days away. Yeah. If you're a retailer and you're saying, hey, what is the best cigar that I can bring on and show my customers and carry in the store that I don't have yet?

Well, hey, listen, look no further than the number two cigar of the year on Half Wheel. Check out our Calendly link, book the appointment, we'd love to meet you and start working with you. If you're a customer and you go into a retail store and you're like, man, I really want these guys. I don't know why they don't, I don't want to buy from somebody else, I love these retailers, I want to support them, I can't, I don't want to continue to buy online, show them this video, have them hit the Calendly link, set the appointment, whoever sets an appointment, we're going to give you a Winged to Czar's Powstanie hat, just for taking the appointment and sitting down and hanging out with us for 15 minutes, and if you're in media, we want to do an interview with you, so you have your own Calendly link below, click it, set it up, you're going to get a hat too.

Now, getting on to some comments, let's see what we got in the comment section. My favorite one for the day, Guns, Gear, and Smokes, you good? Yeah, I already know what it says. I know, I know.

Palmer will be the guy to have the coolest gas and brake pedals at his funeral. The brake pedal cover came off yesterday. Yeah, dude, what are we doing? Well, I did put it back on, but it came off again today.

So, but if you would read one of the other comments, there is- I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Calm down. Calm down, Jules.

Calm down. Yeah. You know who that's from? Uh, I- uh, no.

You don't know? Pulp Fiction. " Uh, it's, you know, listen, that is really nice of DataCache to say, however, can either one of you actually see the pedals, let's be honest, we're talking geriatric repair here. I can see the pedals.

You can see the pedals? Sure. Are you sure? Yeah.

Yeah? That's your response? Well, I can see the pedals. I can see the pedals.

Otherwise, why would I put them on? I feel like they're just blurry little squares that you see and you admire. My eyes aren't that bad, Michael. Are you sure?

Yeah. I'm over here, Michael. I see you. Okay.

Do you? Yeah. Or is it just like a couple shapes? Nope.

I can even see the BDP on the shirt. It's not the BDP. This is Phil. No, it's not.

Is it? It says BDP right across it. No, it says Flamingo Phil. We need a Flamingo Phil.

Mitchie Maduro said, "As a kid, I made mac and cheese with tuna. I also added lemon pepper. Gave it that citrus twang, too. It's a good go-to, man.

No? I'm waiting on the funny ones that you're supposed to be reading. You just read all of them now. What are you talking about?

He just told us what he made for, that he made tuna help for dinner. Yeah, we can review on that. We talked about it. I know we talked about it.

I mentioned my mother made tuna help her and you poo-pooed my mother's recipe. Your mother is... She is now, she wasn't then. I want you to go and have her make this meal for you.

Oh no, she doesn't cook? She doesn't cook? Yeah, let's do it. Let's plug back...

She never used the dishwasher in her house. Let's plug back in the stove and have her... The place will burn down, we can't do it. All of Phil's comparisons...

Oh, from T-Money. All of Phil's comparisons as of late have missed a mark worse than his sports picks. Mikey should have a mute button for his microphone. What do you think of that?

Well, it's getting a lot easier because he doesn't talk into it, so. Yeah, right. Right. Right.

I'm talking over here. And those are the comments that I'm going to read today. So, if you want to hear your comment on the show, if it's borderline funny or not even funny or questionable at best. Well, read it anyway.

I may just read all three at general, so just go ahead and post it and maybe you'll hear it on the next show. What else am I forgetting? Is that it? One, two, three.

That's it. That's all I got. All right, let's get into this show. All right, Hong Kong officials have changed the electronic laws in Hong Kong.

Really? Triple G and I made that trip to Hong Kong. Yeah. Do you remember the trip, G?

I do. All right, now, thank you. He did much better in that chair. Yeah, you did.

I do. There's too much going on. I have to watch all these buttons and screens. It's not easy.

It's a lot. So here's what you have just done. If you don't step up your game, de facto, when you need to fill in, you're in this chair. I don't even know why I have to fill in.

You have to fill in. Because you're here. Yeah. Our options get slim some days.

Because my diva Preston friend couldn't be here at 10. He's gonna be here at noon. Right. Which affected Phil's time because the movie shoot was at 10:00 and he wanted to be here at noon.

Why don't you have Preston do this? I've tried to get Preston on this show, he refuses. Why? You don't know when you watch it.

He doesn't have to. I like you. You're my brother. He could sit over there and flip the buttons.

Yes. That would probably be below him, beneath him. Okay, anyway, now in Hong Kong a Hong Kong official can come up to you and tell you to hand him your laptop and give him your logins. If you refuse, you go to Hong Kong jail.

Hong Kong jail. Hong Kong jail. Well, yeah, now because it's part of China. Well, yeah, but even before you would, well, I don't know if that's necessarily why they changed it.

They changed it like 20 years ago, but... So they can search your phone, your laptop, and you have to give them all your logins and passwords. Well, you don't have any rights in China, don't you? No?

Isn't that how that works? Well, it is a communist country. Even though Hong Kong is run separately, you still have some rights in Hong Kong, but they changed the law so that they can do it. These have carried out an unusual height.

Oh, this is something completely different. But yeah, that's the new deal there. You can't say no. First, they confiscate your electronics, then they confiscate you.

They take your electronics, then they take you. Right. They take your kids or anything like that as well? Of course, to the camps, the whole family.

Well, if you have your children with you and they have electronics too and refuse their passwords. Yeah. What if they're just watching TikTok or whatever? You gotta give them your TikTok password.

Their TikTok is way better than ours, apparently. It has like educational stuff and... Ours has educational stuff. No, it doesn't.

Not really. Well, the problem is you don't watch any of that, so you never see any of it. I don't really watch TikTok. Oh.

I don't really go into it. Then you're speaking without knowledge. Well, the theory was that when China would purposely make sure that they were feeding educational things to their kids, and then we would just, and they would integrate dumb stuff to our kids. Oh.

Yeah, that was why the whole TikTok needs to get out of China's hands thing happened. They give them a, I thought it was because they were hacking and getting all our private information. I guess that too. Oh.

That makes sense. Uh, their version of history is slanted also. That? Borderline?

Yeah, what'd he say? What do you say? Borderline racist right there, buddy. No, it's not.

I had a Chinese exchange student and she even told me one day that they weren't communists. They teach them in school that they're not communists. There were certain things that I had known about in history with China that their version is completely different. Did you try explaining it to her?

Why they were communists? Yeah, she got very upset and she cried and said I was being mean. Why were you being mean to the poor? I wasn't being mean.

I was just trying to explain to her what her government is teaching her is not correct. Did it take you into some shouting at her and like, "No, you're wrong" type stuff? No, not at all. Okay, so how did it unfold?

What'd you ask? We were just talking one day and she said, "We're not even communists" or something to that effect. And then there's a Tibetan uprising where Chinese attack them, but her version is that the Tibetan people attack the Chinese. Yeah, the monks were evil.

Right, that type of thing. I mean, the monks are notorious for having violence. Very peaceful people. They don't even kill bugs.

They take them up and put them outside. They take them to save the bugs. Yeah. They're not allowed to kill anything.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, that's good. And then, so you made her cry.

She got upset, yeah. How old was this little girl? Back then, she was 19-ish, I guess. So, you're making little kids cry.

To be fair, she was a communist. To be fair, she was a communist. She was, but she didn't know it. And now she lives in Australia, so she's not a communist anymore.

He's not communist anymore. I don't know if Australia's really that much better. Than China? Yeah.

Sure, they're kinda like us. No way, they have way more regulations. They have more regulations, but the government's not a communist government, though. Okay, but I just don't think they're that much better.

How much better could they honestly be? Than China? They got kangaroos. So what's wrong with that?

Some of them are aggressive. We have alligators. All of them are aggressive. We don't have crocodiles.

Yes, we do. We have some crocodiles. Crocodiles are way worse. It's way worse.

We have crocodiles. Not as many as Australia. Well, no. Good day, mate.

Great white sharks. Is that how the crocodiles talk? Yeah, that's how the crocodiles talk. And they have little hats.

Oh, I thought the kangaroos had the hats. I know. The kangaroos, that's ridiculous. The kangaroos don't have hats.

What about a wallaby? Do the wallabies wear hats? Some kangaroos have like eye patches. Oh, from previous fights.

Yeah, and they cover the... Very aggressive. They'll drown you. They will?

That's what they do to the dogs. They drown dogs. Yes. Okay.

Then they can just... You want to look it up again? Go ahead, look it up. Well, then they could just send them to China and then they could eat them.

The kangaroos or the dogs? The dead dogs. Oh. They've outlawed that again, I think.

It was northern China that started the tradition of eating the dogs again. And banned? I believe it's been banned. No more dogs?

Well, I'm sure there's still some people that don't know. How are you going to regulate that? Right, you can't really, you know. Seems obnoxious.

Okay. " And rubbed his belly. Did he really? He ate the dogs.

He ate everything. He said, mmm, Christmas? Yeah, they ate them for a Christmas dinner. What's your go-to for Christmas dinner?

What do you eat? Me? Spot. Turkey?

Turkey, ham, one of the two. Not dog. Dog isn't a go-to for you? No.

If you had to eat a dog. Right. What dog would you eat? If I had to eat one specifically?

Yeah. Which everyone was handy? I mean, a certain breed I'm looking for? Well, let's pick one of the big ones, so there's a lot of meat to go around.

You want a hefty dog? Sure. Which one? Let's go with a Newfoundland, they're pretty big.

Newfoundland? Yeah, I don't like German food, so I don't want a German. You don't want a German Shepherd? I don't like German food.

Yeah. You don't like sauerkraut or anything? No. I don't even like bratwurst.

I don't even know what a Newfoundland dog would be. What kind of dog would you eat? If you had-- Rottweiler. That's fast and easy.

Oh, that's a big dog, a lot of meat. That's a great answer. Yeah. that's a great answer less hair to cut off too well they're hairy yeah but the newfoundlands have the long hair yes you are right because it's insulated it's that triple thick hair when they swim in the cold water yeah i think i'd go like golden retriever oh my god because that's the friendliest dog there is the angel of all dogs yeah no kidding i really think that that would That would upset somebody.

Oh my god. You know? Well, yeah! Like, I would, hopefully, like, I'd...

Why don't you just say Lassie? Possibly, like, the worst answer. Yeah. Yeah.

Intentional. Good lord. I think, like, something worse would be Chihuahua. That's just, that's just ignorant.

That's a snack. That's like an appetizer. That's just because of size. Doesn't make sense.

Yeah. That's an appetizer. Yeah. And it might be spicy.

Mexican food is sometimes spicy. Pomeranian? See, why are you going so small? You're not even going to get full.

Right. It's ridiculous. You got five of those? Yeah.

Four or five? A fleet of Palmaranians? You're doing the world justice by eating them. Eating Palmaranians?

Yeah. Why? Well, just like the Chihuahua. They're yappy little dogs.

Okay. So we eat the yappy ones? Yeah. Round them up.

Put them in the camps. Round them up. Put them in the camps. I've seen little ones hanging in windows of butcher shops over there.

You go down the wrong alley. You find a string of shops maybe you probably shouldn't be going to. Like big dogs or like little ones? The little ones.

Oh my God, that's terrible. Well, they would, they had been shaved and, like, roasted and they were, you know, hanging by the feet. Like a chicken they hang in the window. Yeah, yeah, like a rotisserie chicken.

China Adventures from Palmer. Did you tell Greg we met the man who provides all the rotisserie chickens for Publix? Oh no, I didn't. We did meet the man.

Where? Mr. Tidwell. In Alabama?

Yeah. Well, not all of them for Publix. He does, like, he also... He's one of three, he's what he said.

Well, yeah, well, he does, like, Popeyes as well. Yeah. Yeah. How many chickens did he say he had again?

It's close to five million pounds of chickens a year. That's pretty impressive. Yeah. Like, this guy's attached to his farm.

" Yeah. Yeah, he's got like a beeper. You know, I get called, I get notified when something's going wrong and I have to run there. If not, I'm going to lose 30,000 chickens.

Right. Like, bam. Yeah. " Yeah, losing 22 chickens to a guy that's got millions of chickens.

Right. Wow. Okay, so what the hell were we talking about? We were talking about Hong Kong, they're taking your laptops and putting you in jail.

Oh, yeah, well look, you know, what do you expect? It's a communist country. Not to have my laptop taken away? Just like Australia.

Even in the airport. So, when we would get, when you go, you don't have to technically leave the airport to get to China. You go over to the other side, you don't even clear customs, and you get on the ferry. So while you're waiting on the ferry, the guy comes up and goes, "Laptop.

" Give. You give to me. What is login? Well, it's not Russian, but.

Right. I'm sorry. That's okay. What's the, what is your password?

It is Astastic7. A, capital A. Spell for me. Spell for me.

What does that, what does that look like in Chinese symbols? Let me write this down. Swipe, swig, google. Swipe, swig, google?

Swiggly line. Red square. You know, Dave Burke's Cigar Jukebox, you can get his opinion on Australia. I bet you, maybe he won't tell you, because he doesn't want to get abducted.

Just get abducted by the Australian secret police? Yeah. Hey mate, get in the truck. Yeah, they actually, they, I heard that they, they've trained kangaroos, and they're part of like their SWAT team.

I think you're making that up. No, it's true. Yeah. And they use the crocodiles as well.

Only the ones with the hats. Only one with the hats. Yeah. All right.

Chinese, got it. Something's crackling in the audio. It just started about 38 seconds ago. Is it still crackling?

When you speak. See, why is it always that chair? It's not always this chair. I think you might have just knocked the wire a little loose inside the receiver.

how's that say a series of things say a series of things over and over again it's good to go i think we're good yeah i'm on to you man i'm just trying to help do my job i'm in charge all right let's go and video next story all right these have carried out unusual heist in europe oh yeah did you hear about this no they have stole 12 tons over 400 000 bars of And Kit Kat chocolate. These men have no soul. Who does that? Who would steal 30 bag lunches?

Wait, do you know where Kit Kats are made? No. They were traveling from a factory in central Italy. Oh, sorry, this isn't where they're going.

This is not where they were made, but where they're going. From central Italy to Poland, which apparently loves Kit Kat bars. You know what? That tracks.

I'm Polish and I love a good Kit Kat. The vehicle vanished during transit and has not been recovered, with manufacturer Nestle confirming the shipment was part of a new product range intended for distributing across Europe. Oh my God! So they got something new?

Something new. How much do you think they stole? How much was it worth? Millions?

Millions of Kit Kats? Well, wait, I gave you a number. 400,000 bars, so how much is a regular Kit Kat pack? Let's figure a buck.

Maybe a couple bucks. Maybe a couple bucks. Maybe $2. Yeah.

Almost a million dollars. Oh, yeah. Over $800,000 worth of KitKat bars. I think at the gas station they're like three and change, so it would be through the brush.

Convenience store. It's a convenience store. Oh. You know what would be really, really sickening?

If they just took the truck and they just left it somewhere so it all melted and became destroyed. Oh, they just don't like them. Yeah, yeah. It was like a terrorist attack against KitKats.

Oh, against KitKats. Yeah. Mm-mm. So these Italians did it?

No. They were made at an Italian factory. Okay. They were driving them to Poland for distribution.

Yeah. And they stole it somewhere in between. And we have no idea. The truck is still missing.

It never made it to Poland. There's 400,000 Kit Kats floating around Europe somewhere. Is this one of those scenarios where it's like a couple of dudes and like, we're going to take that truck. They had no idea what the truck was and like, they were hoping it was electronics or something?

Well, if it's coming from the factory, you'd think it would say Nestle's or something on the side. I think it would just be a white truck. Maybe Nestle's in Italian is TV. Maybe it may translate the same?

Maybe. It's very possible. What do you think, Greg? I like to think it's a bunch of drunken nincompoops that were sitting around doing nothing, saw the truck, capitalized on the opportunity, then discovered, oh ho, a lot of Kit Kats.

Oh, there's a growing problem of organized cargo theft in that part of the world. Really? So, you're right, they're probably just, they're just stealing big trucks. They just took stuff.

They're just taking trucks. How pissed would you be? I don't know. I like Kit Kats.

I like Kit Kats. I mean... We got... Dude, check out this card.

400,000 Kit Kats? How many TVs are in here, do you think? Do they open it up? Boom.

Kit Kats. Somewhere on the side of the road, there's these three big Italian guys sick to their stomach with chocolate... Just passed out. Chocolate around their faces and melted bars in their hands.

We... Oh. We found the thieves. They were comatose.

They had a sugar-induced coma. Prove, prove I took it. Well, I'm sorry, it's all over you. There's no evidence here of the Kit Kats.

There's 400,000 empty wrappers. All right, but the bad news is, going into Easter weekend, there is now a shortage of Kit Kats. Oh good, now we're seeing, first the gas, now the Kit Kats. Super premium on the Kit Kats.

Super premium. So, no Kit Kats in Poland for Easter, apparently, guys. I'm very sorry. If you would like to tell your relatives.

Lucky for us, we live in the United States of America. Or maybe Greg could sell a couple of cases to some Polish cousins or something. Hey, I got the hookup for you. I got Kit Kats.

I'm your guy. I'm your guy. Kit Kat Hustler. Boom.

Hustler Kit Kats. You know what Kit Kats are made of? Yeah. Other Kit Kats.

Yeah, other Kit Kats. Ones that did not pass inspection. Yeah. They grind them up and put them on the inside.

Oh, they send the Kit Kats back to the camps. Did you know that? The Kit Kats are cannibalizing themselves? I didn't know that, no.

Yeah. Yeah, the ones that are considered inferior, they consume. The ones that Skip rejects are made into mortgage. It's kind of like Hollywood, when they eat the babies.

Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yeah.

They just eat the bad ones. Allegedly. Ooh, the black market, though, is now flooded with Kit Kats. Is it?

Really? Yeah. So it successfully made it through the channels. Yeah, good impact availability on shelves and may even appear on unofficial markets.

How does that work? What, do you walk into a convenience store and be like, "Do you want KitKat? I have KitKat for you. I give you a good deal on KitKat.

" Apparently KitKats are very, um, well tracked. Oh yeah? They like got QR codes? They have unique batch codes to help identify stolen goods, so when the KitKat police show up, better make sure you don't show them one of the ones with the numbers on it.

Do you think that there's somebody going around kind of checking this sort of thing? Well, now. Yeah? Now the authorities are looking.

What country do you start in? Italy. Where they took them. They're on their way.

They were out of Italy already. Well, they were on their way out of Italy. They never, you know, they had no records of them crossing the border. I see what you're saying.

You're saying that the most crime in Europe is Italian and it's an Italian mob. Mob. All right, we got the KitKat. Okay.

We got the KitKat. Take the gun, leave the KitKat. That's what they're telling them now. No, it's take the KitKat, you got to leave the gun.

Leave the gun, take the cannoli. So it's leave the gun. Oh, that was the other way around. I thought I came in with the cannolis and took the gun.

No, Rookie, you never take the gun. You leave it there, that way it doesn't track you. Well, I was gonna bring it out and shoot the guy. This is after you shoot him.

This is after the guy was shot. Oh, after I shot him. I'm sorry. I'm so unfamiliar with the murderer and how it works.

I apologize. This is why we can't take him with us. You know what I mean? Yep.

No, leave me in the car. I'm the driver. You're a liability. You're definitely not.

I'm not a liability. You can't be the driver with the double pedals. That's not. No.

Well, we're not taking my car. Yeah. May crack under questioning. That's why he has 75 cars.

We take one of his. Take one of them? We just gotta hope it works that day. Yeah.

I can't take the Hummer. They're gonna know we're coming. Yeah, but we don't stop. Never stop us.

And hopefully they're not in a car that can go over 60 miles an hour, because they're gonna catch us. Yeah. Right, Greg? It's true.

Okay. 65, though. Oh, 65. Topped out.

65. Just cranking away. All right, back to America now. Okay, good.

All right. A woman bites an Orlando officer to avoid being handcuffed. Okay. So this lady's driving over by the Millennium Mall.

Uh-huh. Florida. Oh, this is in Florida. Oh yeah, sorry, this is in Florida.

I mean, we went right to Florida, from Italy to Florida. Not only is this Florida, this is Orlando, this is central Florida. This is our hometown. So she's driving over by Millennium Mall.

Okay. She gets honked at. Pisses her off. She stops her car, turns sideways, jumps out, jumps on the hood of the other car, punches the hood, rips open the driver's side door, starts beating up the lady driving, pregnant Oh, boy.

There are two victims. Oh, that's penalty charges right there. And then this older lady gets out of her car, goes to help. She punches that old lady in the face.

That's pretty brazen, especially in Florida. Everybody's packing heat in Florida. Right. And all they did was honk.

Right. So then she gets in her car and drives away. Police show up. The old lady's got a little bit of a red mark in the corner of her eye.

There was no photos of the pregnant woman, so maybe she did not. He did not get any marks at whatever. So, anyway, the police find the lady later at Target. That's where most criminals hang out.

What happened? Well, she had a little upscale. She had a nice car. Yeah.

We like the carts better at Target? Hmm. Yeah. They have the no-tracker things on them, though.

That's that little orange square by the wheel. Where it locks? Yeah. It locks up if you get too far away from the building.

Target does or does not have them? It does, at least the one up there on Enterprise does. Got it. Okay.

" Sorry for the language, but that's what the lady said. Okay. And then she goes to bite him. Okay.

As he's wrestling her. " And she didn't really bite him, but he's claiming that she bit him. Oh, she threatened. She threatened to bite.

Ah! Right. He didn't bite him. But anyway, they called back up and the lady got arrested.

So the lady got arrested, didn't really bite. No, she didn't really bite him. So it's not really a story. They've overdone it, I think, for social media and, you know, for the news.

Right, they've embellished it a bit? They embellished it a little bit. I mean, she did throw a punch at the lady in the car, but you think if she would have hit her, they would have showed that picture too, because they, you know, zoomed in to show the tiny red mark in a corner of the old lady's eye. Right.

Let's talk about the fact that they're probably on I-4, and she, errrt! No, they're doing Millennia, so, you know, the traffic's bad over there, she probably, you know, wasn't moving right, or something, honk, honk, oh, bitch! I mean, I'm not gonna lie, it's an intense situation over by the Millennium Mall, very stressful, and same scenario though, man, like, you know, you gotta have balls to come out there and get on somebody's hood of the car. Yeah, anymore, you're right, I mean, you don't know who's got a gun.

Right. I mean, listen. Especially in a car. If I feel threatened and I have a gun and you're banging on, you're on my hood of my car, I'm just shooting through the windshield.

Oh, yeah. You come running in my car, you jump on the hood. Yeah. Right.

And then pull open my door. Yeah. Yeah, you just aim right. Pew, pew.

You know what I mean? What about you, Greg? Somebody jumps on the hood of your car. What do you do?

Do they have a weapon? It's hard to say. You don't know at this point. You're not in fear of your life at that point?

I guess you would have to be. Sure. All right. Wait.

Is he in the Hummer or is he in the Chevelle? We can break this down by scenario. - You're in the Hummer. - Okay.

- They bang on the hoodie. Are you in fear of your life? - It's really, really hard to find a windshield for that vehicle, so I probably don't shoot through it. - Okay.

- His life is less important than a windshield. - So are you, oh, got it. So in order to replace the, right, so you're, okay. - Well, you just hit the gas, it's the Hummer.

- Yeah, I would try to run 'em over, it'd be easy. - Chevelle? - I'd shoot 'em. - Windshield's easy to replace?

- Yeah, easy to replace. Either place. And it's in the shop most of the time anyway. Yes, it's usually.

So, hey, as long as you have it this week, put a new windshield on. Acura, full mag. He's just emptying it. You want to know why?

Windshield's already cracked. We just leave it there? I'm getting a new one anyways. You know what?

I'm unloading on the person and I'm just leaving this car here. This is yours now. You know what? I'm done with this.

He's on the phone with the windshield replacement guy while he's shooting the gun. Sir, we've been trying to reach you in regards to your car. It's been here for three weeks on the side of the road. Yeah, I don't know.

Just take it. I don't know what the problem is. Keep it. It's yours.

Okay, so. All right, well, there you go. Those are your three case scenarios. What about in your helicopter?

You have to jump on the hood of the helicopter. Probably gonna fall off. Yeah, you think so? Did you just fly away?

Just fly away. Yeah. There you go, Triple G. Right, there he goes.

There he goes. Okay. All right, a super speeder claims he had to speed to avoid an animal in the road. All right, a guy gets pulled over by the police.

Yeah? He's going 105 and a 55. Okay. He seems reasonable, but okay.

Out in Geneva. Even more reasonable? I mean, you're not really doing a good job of defending... I'm not defending the man.

No, the police. Oh. " Mm-hmm. So, what was chasing him at 55 miles an hour over the speed limit?

I don't know, what did he say? He didn't specifically say, he just said an animal. He didn't want to get into details because he knew it could be used against him in a court of law. m.

Okay. On a Wednesday. Right. If that means anything to you.

I believe him. m. on a Wednesday? Yeah.

Chupacabra. Yeah, it could be anything. Chupacabra. He was on 46 in Osceola Road in Geneva, so he's out of the middle of nowhere.

Yeah. m. in the morning. So, I don't know, I mean, roadrunner, coyote, real fast coyote.

- You know, technically, Coyotes are faster than Roadrunners, just not in the cartoons. - Really? - Yeah. - That's not what Looney Tunes taught me.

- Well, they also taught you that you could have a safe dropped on your head and you'd still be alive. - What kind of safe? - Acne. - Duh.

- Yeah. That was what I was leading towards. - And you could eat TNT and still be fine. - And explode in my stomach?

- Right. - Okay. Have you started, you know, that kind of reminds me of explosions. Peaky Blinders came out.

Did you see this? Boots has been watching. The movie? Yeah.

Oh, the movie. I saw the trailer. I have not seen the movie. Good.

I got somebody here. Mm-hmm. Okay. I've been trying to watch this thing.

Don't. It's terrible. Horrible. I'm like an hour and 15 in.

You're never gonna get that hour and 15 back. And I'm like, when does it develop? Like, what did they do? They just totally...

They just should have left it. Total money grab. As a matter of fact, there is a podcast, like a documentary about the making of the film so they could get even more money, even worse than watching the film, watching the actors talk about the horrible thing that they produced. You watched that too?

No, no, no. I got five minutes into it because what wound up happening is if you don't say, hey, stop, it goes on to the next thing. And the next thing was that. So it started and I looked at my wife.

I'm like, we're not doing this. This is, we just endured two and a half hours of what that was. We're not watching the recap. It's so bad.

The movie was two and a half hours? About that, I think. I think it's like an hour 45. Okay, maybe.

Oh, well, you got 15 minutes left then. I'm an hour 15 in. I got about 30 left. And I would just struggle.

I'm like, well, I mean, you might as well finish it now. It's so bad. It looks like it was like so like low budget. There wasn't a lot to it.

Maybe they cut together old footage from the TV show. No, no, this is a new story. Oh. But it's not good.

It's about his son, and all of this crap. It's even worse than that. It's about like being psychic and like... The gypsy way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. They destroyed Peaky Blinders. Agreed.

They destroyed one of the greatest shows ever. They went for the money. How did nobody stop them? Well, there was the money.

Yeah, everybody got paid. None of us get paid if we don't finish this piece of shit. What a dick. What an absolute shame, man.

What an absolute shame. So don't watch the movie. If you get into the show, watch the show, it's pretty good. The other problem is the show was so good, to keep going at that same tempo is almost impossible.

Yeah. Maybe they got new writers. Maybe the TV writers quit or something when the show ended. " Well, they might say that, but again, the money.

I don't know. If your name's on it, though. You know what I mean? " We didn't do this for the money.

We did it for a shitload of money! So bad, dude. Terrible. Anyways, continue.

And then, you know, after Jardy made, they're not gonna not show it and not get any of the money back. Oh God, it was so bad. But everybody watches it because the TV show was good. I'm gonna finish it.

I'm gonna finish it. I'm gonna eat my vegetables and I'm gonna finish. I don't know why. I need to.

I need to. Good money after bad, bro. Well, it's not like it costed more to watch it. That's my motto, bud.

I'm in the cigar industry. That's exactly what we do here. Throw more money at it. Throw more money.

How's that working? I don't know. Everybody loves cigars, but apparently we're not making any money. Just put some more money in.

Okay, perfect. Okay. Alright, you got a video? We're at Cigar News.

I do have a video. Yesterday, you forgot to give me the edited video. Ah, you're right. I did.

So, at 10:30 last night, the YouTube video's halfway up and I go, "Oh, shit. " Okay. Here's the video. I did it and put it back in and re-uploaded.

You did put it in, though. Yeah, I stopped the upload. It was three quarters on. I'm like, "Ah, no.

Click. " And then I went and did it. Don't play it with the audio because there's music. But this is pretty funny.

Oh, you just sent it, so it's happened. Sorry, I was looking for M&M Productions again. Yeah. " And this guy is blowing on his computer screen to try and get the bars to go up.

Are you watching this? I see it. You don't like this? You don't think it's funny?

No, I laughed! Yeah, I thought it was pretty good. The guy left, blown it. Okay.

Yesterday's video was better. Well, Greg is, Greg is like a stock guru. Yeah? Yeah, you didn't know about this about him?

No, no, I hear you guys talking all the time. He sits around, he does a lot of trading throughout the day. So much to a point where I'm concerned about all the things that are supposed to be done. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's not true. I'll take a position and I'll get out of it in like a day or two, it's not, it's not like I'm day trading.

See, that's, I'll take a position and get out within a day or two. Right, right. So that's kind of day trading. I don't know what to tell you.

Right, you're trading during the day. Yeah. During the day. Yeah.

Kind of the definition of the word. Yeah, it's like day trading. So, what was that dude's name? Not Wolf of Wall Street.

What was... Gordon Gekko? Yeah, yeah. What was...

Greed is good. Greed is good. Greed works. You're the Gordon Gekko of Cigar Hustling.

Yes. Oh, you get so many names. Yeah. Triple G, Gordon Gekko.

Well, that kind of fits. Gordon Gekko. Oh, that's true. One more G.

Yeah. We still call you Triple G. It fits for everything. Yeah.

Wow. Nice. Do you have any stock trades for us, stock picks for us today, Greg? I mean, right now I would just buy something.

Yeah. Everything's so low. Buy something. Buy something.

Okay. All right, listen. We don't endorse trading here. What's the disclaimer?

Oh, is it a disclaimer? Yeah. This is all for entertainment. The podcast stock trades are for entertainment purposes only.

We do not endorse or back any of Greg's decisions. Do not take them as fact. Like we said, they are entertainment only. However, his theory is buy anything.

Just buy. Just buy. Just buy and then watch it and make sure you're out of your position by the end of the day. And then don't count yourself as a day trader.

I've never gotten any. Only trade at night. It's been two days. He's a two-day trader.

No. It's gotta be more than that. Three days? Maybe a week.

It's maybe a week, he's a week trader. I'm a week trader. Do you have a, uh, what is it, an Acorn account, or, um, Robin, is it Robin Hood? That's for the kids, man, that's very youth driven.

Oh. Yeah, E-Trade. Yeah. E-Trade.

Yeah. All right, now into cigar news. HVC celebrating a 10th anniversary with a new cigar. The 10th anniversary, Pen Caliente.

Oh, we're mixing it up. April 2016, HVC Cigars introduced the Pan Caliente, my favorite HVC cigar. Is it? Yes.

First release was a 5x50 Rebuso with a 109 style cap. This year, the company's releasing the Pan Caliente HVC 10th Anniversary. The new limited edition made for the 10th anniversary gets all new blend. An Ecuadoran Habano 2000 wrapper over a Nicaraguan binder and fillers from Nicaragua and Peru, Including, Palo de Oro Tobacco.

Ooh. So now they've taken the cigar I've loved, and they're making another change. We've done it again! They're changing it completely.

Why don't they do something called, like, the Pan Caliente Frio? Freedom? Frio. Frio.

Like the hot bread cold. Oh, well... Hot cake cold. It translates into golden hair.

Gol... Pan Caliente. No, it doesn't. Oh, no, Palo de Oro, sorry, sorry.

Palo de Oro's way off with that one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Unique Golden Cuddlers, and Difficulties, though.

Hair of Gold. Hair of Gold, yes. Hold on, I had a list of all the different HVCs here. Alright, it's a 6 and 7/8 by 54, Double Toro Batola.

What do you think it's gonna cost? $13. Greg? Triple G?

50. 40. Wow. You still overbid, you lost.

Price is right. We changed it. James said 13, you went higher! We both lost.

They're making 500 boxes of 25 cigars. Oh, I must've taken the whole thing out. But they've made series of these all with some type of bread in the name. Right.

Hot bread, hot cakes, golden bread, steamy bread, all sorts of bread. I want cold bread. You want cold bread? Yeah, what's the term for stale bread?

Like, I would mix it all up, it'd be funny. Ask your Puerto Rican brother. What's Spanish for stale bread? How do you say stale bread?

I honestly don't know. Wow. You're gonna have to look it up. How do you say rice and beans?

La Roa y beans. Arroz y frijoles. Frijoles. No more.

I thought you said no more. He says she makes too many. No, no mas, por favor. No mas.

That's all I say when she says rice. No mas. No mas. Oh.

Idaho legislature's passing a bill. Hold on. I gotta look up stale bread. Oh, sorry.

Stale bread. It says... Stale bread? Panduro.

Panduro. Yeah. - Pan Duro, uh, bread? - Pan is bread.

- Oh. - Yeah. - Gotcha. - Duro is usually like last, isn't it?

- I don't know. - Yeah. - Pan Duro. - Let me see here.

- If I just looked up duro. - Pan Gallien. - Hard. - Hard.

- Hard bread. - Oh, hard bread. - That makes sense. - There you go.

- Bad bread, hard bread. - That makes really good sense. - Hard bread. - I love the Spanish language.

Everything just makes sense. - HVC, they could do, uh, Rainier could do like, you know, something that's, like, dried out. You know what I mean? A dried out hard cigar?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like really up the quantity of the leaves so that it's like plugged. Oh. Oh, that would sell, yeah, great.

You know? This thing is stiff and I can't get a draw out of it. Shit cigar. Bandudo.

Bandudo, bro. Bandudo. That'd be awesome. Okay.

All right, Idaho's passing a new bill. You to what? A new bill? You to who?

Idaho. You to, I knew it. All right, anyway, what do you think they're doing now? They've been doing a lot of bills lately.

They've been doing a lot of bills. Well, they did the firing squad thing, which sounds awesome, however, they don't really kill people in Idaho. Right, no, not very often, but they're making this $950,000 room where they can do it if they have to. Yeah, if they wanted to step it up.

Right. But they also passed some cigar stuff lately, too. I really hope that they, okay, but getting back in on, I want to see them ramp up production. I mean, it needs to be used.

Oh, use more, right? Yeah, yeah, at least one a month or something. Ooh, wow. You know?

I wonder how many people they have on death row. I don't know. It sounds like they can expedite the process, though. Guess what?

We got the bullet. Come on. The bullet is coming in tomorrow. They're doing something for...

I'm gonna guess that the Idaho whatever you're about to say... The what? The Udaho. I don't understand what you mean.

The law of whatever it is that you're about to say... Yeah? is gonna be bad for the cigar industry. I'm gonna go good.

Well, you don't- Okay, we need a little more specific though, gentlemen. Okay, okay. There's only so many things you can do in the cigar industry, so I mean, you know, with your- I'm gonna say- Fast experience. I'm gonna say that they are banning cigar smoking at lounges.

No, that was that other place. I'm gonna say it's got something to do with e-commerce. Taxation. More taxes.

Mobile cigar retailers. Oh. We're allowing it, we're not? We're allowing it.

Built to allow for mobile cigar retailers. Okay. So you can make your little vans and wagons and drive around and smoke. So far it sounds good, I'm just going to look around here and wait for the other shoe to drop.

The concept of mobile cigar retailers either in a large van, bus, or trailer has gained popularity apparently in Idaho. Last week lawmakers in Idaho passed a bill that would allow for these types of businesses to be legal in the state. Would this be in with food trucks or something? I guess because of what they sell?

I mean, can they have food trucks? I guess that would be the first question. Yeah, I'm sure they can. So you need a special law that says you can sell cigars out of a truck?

Yeah, like traveling trucks. I mean, you have to have a tobacco license of some sort. Well, so in Florida there is a specific law that allows this? Or do you just get the license?

- We live in a lawless swamp. - Oh, that's true, that's Florida. - And we are for the people in the state of Florida. - That's true.

- So we don't have to walk anything back because those things don't exist on the books, right? - Yeah, it doesn't say you can or can't. - Right. - So we just do it.

- You have a tobacco license, you're good to go, right? Never saw it as a problem because it's never been a problem, so making a law for it didn't make sense, right? That's the real issue. The real issue is that the government passes laws and regulations for things that just aren't necessary, and then it slows everything down.

It's kind of like the pharmaceuticals too. One of the big arguments for pharmaceuticals, I believe, was the fact that all the red tape that they had to go through for the testing and all this stuff and the process made everything so expensive, that's why they charge so much. So, when it dropped recently that, hey, we're lowering pharmaceutical pricing, it wasn't that they were lowering really pharmaceutical pricing, what they did was they cut some of that red tape so that the process was easier to do, so that the research and development didn't have to spend as much money on the regulations, I believe, but I'm just the guy that smokes cigars, so what do I know? Right?

Right. So the new statue will allow for mobile cigar businesses, designated cigar gardens, a mobile cigar retailer, exactly what it sounds like, either a motorized vehicle or a trailer, the designated cigar garden language defines an outdoor area that has been designated as an outdoor cigar area at an event. In order to qualify, here is usually where they get us. Here it is.

In order to qualify, the designated cigar garden would need to be either roped off or enclosed and prohibit people under the age of 21 from entering. Right. These businesses would need to get an annual license from the state, which would allow the business to sell cigars without having a permanent location. That's not too bad yet.

Person must wear red shoe. One red shoe. But the bill has passed both parts of the Idaho legislature. It still needs to be signed by good old Governor Brad Little.

Alright, Altidish USA is announcing a new cigar. Yeah? The Monte Cristo Duble de Diamante Red. Yeah?

Yeah. The Duble Diamante Red, Mani Cristo, Duble Diamante Red. Let me guess real quick, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Made at AJ Fernandez, Factoring.

I already read that, yes, that is correct. No, I don't think you did. You didn't read that? No, no, when I did the article, I read it.

I mean, I don't see it here in front of me at the moment, but I did read that before. Okay. All right, go ahead, continue. How much?

How much is it? You go first. I took that out of the title. What do you want to say?

$20. I'm going to go $19. $150. American?

That's retarded. That doesn't make any goddamn sense. I win, I win, I win. The company is running it back with the Monte Cristo 1935 anniversary edition duble diamante red.

Due to arrive in stores or shelves later this month, they carry an MSRP of $150. " It is tobacco from AJ Fernandez, Finca La Lila, La Lila, huh? And the San Latino Farm in Esteli. Most of the tobacco coming from the farms, first and second harvest, that means it's been resting for several years.

No, we don't know exactly how many, but it's been a lot. It's been a while. It's been a lot. Yeah, we just, you know.

J. Fernandez factory in Esteli. Production is limited to 5,000 cigars with 250 glossy red and white boxes created, each containing 20 cigars. Okay.

They're gonna ship right after the PCA when everybody orders them there. Readily available. Today only. Greg, do you think that we're gonna take on the Doble Red in the store?

No. No? No. Well, why not?

Well, if you can sell it before we buy it, we'll do it. But that'll be the only way. See what he does to me? I got to sell.

Pre-sale. Yeah. Why don't you sell it? That's not what I do.

You day trade. I day trade. Well, I week trade. At least he's not ordering car parts anymore.

That's true. At least he would get something with that, something tangible. Right. Other than just burning cash.

So the information was released via Cigar Aficionado. Uh-huh. " He's neither confirming nor denying, only saying that a press release and images would be released in the coming days. Yeah, I mean, this is kind of standard for PCA, right?

Right, all the announcements are coming out. We're trying to announce stuff. Sometimes we don't have all our ducks in a row, but hey, we made an announcement. - Right.

- Right. - How old is the tobacco? Eh, somewhere between... - It's been there a bit.

- Old and a while. - Right. - Yeah. - Right?

- Old and older. - But apparently, Cigar Aficionado got the information, but Half Wheel got the information from Cigar Aficionado. - It seems like Cigar Aficionado is pressing hard to get... - They've been in a lot of scoops lately.

specific things. - And nobody will say it's true or not. - Right. - Maybe they have a mole.

- A mole? - Inside the Altanus organization. leaking this intel? Maybe.

You think it's AJ? Only AJ? Yeah. You gotta go to the top of the heap, right?

Well, that would be the best place to go. Right. And why would he care if he tells Spielberg? Hey, I'm releasing this.

Right. And that hangs up the phone. I'm making this cigar for them. Do not tell them.

Do not tell anyone. I will give you the intel. Cigar aficionado. So I'm assuming Coop won't cover the story either.

Probably not. Probably not. Alright, it's time for the industry's favorite game. What's the score?

No buttons moved. No buttons moved. Today's cigar, April 24th, 2014, reviewed by Mr. Brooks Whittington himself.

It is an Espinosa cigar, the 601 La Bamba Saki Bomb pre-release. I will go first. 89. I will go 90.

All right, we'll go 90. Country of Origin, Nicaragua, Factory, Lozona Cigar Factory, Wrapper, Nicaraguan Habano, Binder, Nicaragua, Filler, Nicaragua, Size, 4 1/2 x 42, Petite Corona, They Smoked 3. 88. Sticking with 90.

Definitely 90. Clue number one. Excellent construction across all samples, razor-sharp burn, effortlessly straw, and massive smoke output that's impressive for such a small Vitola. 89.

Sticking with 90. Clue number two: complex flavor progression once it settles, espresso, dark chocolate, earth, and that unique barbecue. Meaty Note Creates a Bold, Evolving Profile with Increasing Strength. Chocolate Barbecue.

Are you a Chocolate Barbecue fan? Is that what you like to put on your dog? Not really. Maybe this is where the Kit Kats went.

On the Rottweiler. On the Rottweiler? The Kit Kat Barbecue? You don't like putting Kit Kat on your Rottweiler?

I don't think so. 88. Did we say who did the review? Brooks.

Brooks, it was in the beginning if you were paying attention. Oh, okay, all right, very good. Welcome to the show. I was sleeping there for a little bit.

All right, I'm going to stick with 90. Since a Newfoundland is a water dog, would that be considered seafood? Great question. It has web feet, rescues people from the water?

Yeah, it's a fine delicacy. I'm going to say no, because it probably doesn't do it in the ocean, it's probably like fresh water. No, no, it does it in the ocean. Aquatic dog?

Yeah, they originally would use them to rescue sailors and things. Well, what do you consider duck? Do you consider duck seafood? Ooh, or poultry?

That's a good question. Duck is not considered seafood. So I think the dog's got to say no. No, I guess not then.

Would a flying fish be poultry? Man, it fucking belongs on a t-shirt. It's flying fish poultry. And the fish is flying this far off the water.

All right, next clue. The opening is extremely aggressive with overwhelming spice and pepper that can be harsh and even unpleasant if you're not pacing it carefully. 87. 89.

All right, final thought. First and foremost, the name of this cigar does not lie. This is a bomb of a smoke, both figuratively and literally. It starts out with an extremely aggressive, and frankly, overwhelming combination of black pepper on the retrohale, and spice on the palate that basically destroys any chance of tasting any other flavors.

However, just as you start to wonder if that is all there is, the profile shifts right around the start of the second third, and brings more interesting notes of barbecue, nutmeg sweetness. While not the most nuanced of smokes by any means, the Saki Bomb brings something that is sorely lacking these days, a small Vitola that has some major punch to it, along with a decently complexed profile. Construction on all samples was excellent, and the smoke production was massive for such a small Vitola. As a blend, the 601 Saki Bomb will definitely wake you up and make you take notice, and it is a cigar I can easily recommend.

89. That's a pretty solid finish, what they did right there. 89. Can I take the same number for the final score?

You can, but where's the fun in that? Yeah, because then nobody really wins, right? Yeah, then it's just a tie. It's just a tie.

You know, if you're not first, you're last. Yeah, yeah. If you tie, you're both losers. Yeah.

I'm gonna go 90. You went the wrong way. Oh. 88.

Oh, I was gonna say 88! -I still won. -I still won. -I'm the winner.

-I'm still better than my brother. -Okay, do you have anything to add? -Do you wanna make sure your mother knows you beat him? -Mom, I beat him.

-Yeah, but didn't I win the other one earlier in this episode? -I mean, you won in her life for love. -So technically they were tied at that point. -You won, who won the last time he was on?

-I don't know. -I did, it was three or four. -He did. Oh, that's right, you have to leave the industry still.

-Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah. I just said he won in my mother's love. Right.

Oh, that's true. He gets that everything. All the time. All the time.

Oh, that's tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be doing an online Zoom herf with the beer guys, so I'll post that tomorrow morning. All right. Well, hey, Greg, thank you so much for working the board today.

And Mr. Palmer, thank you as well. This has been a fantastic show. Make sure you like and subscribe wherever you're viewing or listening to this show so you can have yourself a laugh, get some education, get some edutainment.

Have a good day. All right, guys. Thanks. Bye.

Bye. 30, 44, 47, right? Yep. But you're going to have to clock that.

I'm stopping the record, yes? Yeah.

Show Notes

Teeth, Speed & Secrets – Then Light One Up

On today’s show…

Give up your passwords or go to jail—Hong Kong isn’t asking twice,

a Florida woman bites a cop like it’s part of the plan,

and a guy doing 100+ swears it was self-defense… against an animal.

Then in cigars—two new releases and Idaho officially puts cigars on wheels.

And A What’s The Score

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