ACHP Episode 502 Wigs, Space Pee Pee, Pooh Shiesty and Juan Lopez We've Got US A Show
Transcript
What the news?
Hold on.
Not ready to go these.
Are batteries.
I put new batteries in.
It just said didn't turn it on.
OK, ready to go if Greg asked.
We did not take them out of the
TV remotes in this room.
Welcome to a Cigars for Podcast
episode 502.
I'm Mike Palmer, your host, and
on today's show we have Phil,
who I binge watched the hockey
show last night, old Buddy
Mcguffey.
I didn't.
I didn't.
Did you like it was a good?
I didn't watch it.
Did you feel, did you feel
closer to the Canadian hockey
guy or was it the Russian hockey
guy?
I'm a little disturbed that you
know where they're both from.
We talked about that
yesterday's.
Easy.
I was doing when Mr. Palmer
speaks that you see, like I'm
not homophobic, so I listen to
him when he talks about things,
no matter what it is because I
value everything that he says.
Think the Russian would be
sexier with the accent because a
Canadian accent's not you know,
it's not a it's not as romantic,
right, Not as romantic.
You think Russian's kind of
romantic.
Well because of Doctor Zhivago,
that movie from years ago which
you guys probably have no idea
what that is.
Clue with that you should watch
that you would like Doctor
Zhivago.
You need to move your microphone
monkey.
I do.
Yeah, when you turn your head, I
can't hear you.
Oh yeah, it's on the wrong side
and in your armpit.
We'll start over.
No, keep going.
We're fine.
Yeah, usually when anything gay
gets sad, I kind of filter that
out.
Sorry.
Wow, I didn't know how else to
explain that.
That's ridiculous, she heard
about.
That's called homophobia.
Oh, OK, well.
She heard him upstairs.
He wanted a coke.
So Greg goes, what kind of coke?
He goes the kind that rests
under the tree.
I didn't.
Say that.
Wow.
And then my Co host Mikey, I'm
coaching 11 teams now so I have
started my own league, Stefan
Govic.
They're all in different
leagues, so, well, six of them.
So it's like an international.
Oh, you wait, you're doing.
Is it all the same sport or 11
teams over the 12 sports that
you do Over over the 12?
Oh, OK, We thought it was 11
teams in one sport.
No, it's six.
Rec football it's 2, school
football it's 11, school
basketball 9 and then it's two
rec basketball. 11 and a line
judge for volleyball.
Volleyball's over.
Oh.
Doesn't doesn't mean he's not
the line judge.
For next season.
Right.
Yeah, all right, On today's
show, no drag shows allowed
except the one my husband is in.
OK, that's the title.
Wow.
Artemis 2 you can now do #1 and
if someone named Pooh Heisty
invite you to go to a meeting,
don't go.
Don't go to Pooh Heisty's don't
go to Pooh.
If he says we're having a
meeting, I need to show up.
It's worse than the meetings
that he likes to talk about over
there.
Really.
Isn't that a wrapper?
He is.
Yes he is.
And then in cigars, Gurkhas
finally run out of swag.
So here's our newest cigar.
I keep my cigars in my purse and
then we in the show with a
what's the score?
But before we get started,
Michael, what are the comments?
Let's just say now you want me
to go comments.
How do we get chapter punchwag?
And what is that lovely new
thing you're wearing?
Oh, well, this is on Mike.
Thank you for.
No, not your hunt monitor.
Yeah, I am wearing the official
Master Blender shirt from
Chapter pod.com.
It looks like masturbator from
here.
Well, that's because you have a
dirty mind.
It dips on underneath.
Well, we have a lot of dirty
stories.
Yeah, So, you know, kind of
poking a little bit of fun here
at the industry.
I took this blender and I gave
him a black belt.
Yes.
And I slid in the little post on
your pee in it.
Oh, nice.
Oh, where?
Where's the pee?
It's you can't see it.
It's in the belt.
It's too far away for you.
Your eyes.
I can't see that.
Yeah.
Can you blow it up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me zoom in for you.
Zoom in.
Yeah, when you're 70 you need
glasses, so.
That's oh it.
Wasn't me.
Unbelievable.
Every day.
So that's where's senor come
from.
So these one the e-mail went out
to our our existing customers.
Yes, thank you.
Our existing customers, they get
that.
I have to answer this, I'm
sorry.
They get the head start.
So what you want to do is log on
the chapter pod.com or you can
get all of your chapter pod
industry swag, buy one, get the
2nd 140% off, spend $100 or more
and get free shipping.
Make sure you like and subscribe
wherever you're viewing or
listening to this show.
If you're a retailer and you're
going to PCA or you just hit the
Callie link, I don't know what
else to tell you.
I've been saying it all for
weeks now.
You're going to get a hat.
We're going to talk, you're
going to carry post on a cigar
is going to be the greatest
thing that ever happened to you
and your customers.
And if you already carry post on
a we're going to talk about the
new stuff that's coming out.
We're really excited about it.
So I look forward to meeting you
guys and seeing you guys there.
And if you're a media guy,
there's a calendar link for you
as well.
So go ahead and hit that link
below.
Now getting into some of the
comments from while you're
looking those up, yes, we did
have a violation yesterday on
YouTube.
But the way they do it because
we are monetized, first the
computer goes through and it
says you got something, then
they make a person look at it
and then it went away.
Oh, OK.
You want to know what it was?
Yes, he does.
He does.
Because you.
Said And you're bringing it up
again.
Well, we we're cleared now, and
I'm not talking about the story,
but that was the phrase that
snagged.
I want you to blurt it out on
this one, all right, all right,
at about 5 minutes.
But listen, you got to work on
your blurting out things because
like the sound, it jumps through
the roof.
It's got to be.
That's why it's funny.
It's supposed to scare you.
No, no, no jump scare.
No, no, no jump scares.
No, you know.
But the confetti cannon wasn't
enough.
Well, his voice is so deep, So
what?
So you got to make it louder to
cover it?
No, you don't.
Yeah, Yes, I did.
All you got to do is clip it,
reduce the sound and then just
put the sound over it.
You couldn't with the last one
because him and Carney were
talking at the same time.
OK, you had to bleep me out.
Yes, I mean, we can't talk about
it now or how to do it again.
Yeah, exactly.
OK, what do you bleed?
Boom, mighty sharp, Four said.
Palmer really needs to get it
together.
Quite the off week with the
numbers etcetera.
Is that Team Money's new handle?
Did his red light break?
Have you been red lighting?
Yeah, I think.
I think I have time to sit there
for 15 minutes under a red
light.
Yes.
No problem.
I don't see.
Bring it over here.
Just will Dome while you go.
And you know too, you can't plug
it into like a surge protector.
It won't work.
You got to plug it direct into
the wall.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Why is that?
I don't know.
Maybe it draws too much power.
I have no idea.
That doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, start doing it.
When I used to have it next
door, we had the office because
there for a while I would use it
in the office while I was
working.
Yeah, and then it stopped
working.
But if I plug it into the wall,
I don't have that problem.
Well, lucky for you, we have
plugs on the wall here.
Plugs on the floor you can put.
Ceiling.
Just Dome in, plugs in.
Let's go, man.
Because listen, Episode 5 O2
apparently was yesterday or was
Friday.
It's been fixed, but it was five
O 1.
I mean, quite the few mistakes.
It's fine.
And my T, this is something to
talk about and my T Sharp has
picked up on it.
I don't know who that is.
I like the way you have new
ones.
You know, this is the first one,
you know, this is the first
time.
I've never seen this person
before.
It's probably all T money, just
has like 20 handles.
Pretty different accounts.
Yeah, I'll show them real smoke
pod.
Also said five O 2 question mark
500 got messed up.
Is Palmer having trouble
counting again?
Laugh out loud, never do the
show again.
You're right.
Real smoke pod.
Don't worry, I'll do your show.
No problem.
He's not as entertaining.
Whenever you want.
That was entertaining.
Yeah, Or you know Phil.
We got a new customer yesterday,
Phil.
Yeah.
And I go, hey, this is Mike
Palmer.
I'm calling you back.
He goes, oh, you're the funny
one on the podcast.
Yeah, well, you are the funny 1.
Exactly.
You can have whatever you want.
What do you want to buy?
You can have whatever you want.
Mark Palmer on Episode 500 said
Congrats, gentlemen.
Thank you, cousin Palmer, CW6383
said.
Here's to the journey to the
thousandth episode.
I tried to figure out how many
more years it would take to get
to be 1000.
It wouldn't take that.
It's not going to take.
That long?
Yeah, 2.
Is it just two?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm doing.
Yeah.
You're doing 5 episodes.
I'm not going to.
I'm not going to make it.
Doesn't matter what.
I won't make it that far.
Just you are going to make it.
I'm not going to make it 2 more
years.
You're not going to make two
years.
I'm going to stop taking all my
medicine.
You take it.
You have medicine.
Drink.
Drinking only sugary drinks.
All right, so if you want to
hear your comment, read out
aloud on the show comment below
on this episode.
There's a chance that we will.
If it's funny, if it's not
funny, if it's, I just feel like
reading it.
It is what it is.
If you're making fun of Palmer,
I'm definitely going to read it.
If you're making fun of boots
Phil, whatever his name is, I
don't know, but he's wearing a
Phil Mcguffey and that's the guy
and I'm OK.
You remember his name, go ahead
and just do that too.
So I'll comment.
I'll read that one out aloud for
sure.
I'm glad I skated by on this
episode.
You got glad.
You what?
Yeah, there.
Was one comment about me.
You want to know what it.
Well, there was some more
comments, but, like, I'm going
to limit it, right?
You can't read all of them.
Yeah, I'm just going to do a
handful.
There might be like 9.
Yeah.
And, you know, I mean, he's been
kind of jacked up as of late.
Yeah.
You know, riding that wave.
Yeah.
OK.
So your voice is a little
horsey.
A lot of yelling at children
last night.
It was.
It was horsey a couple days ago.
And it's finally getting better.
There was.
I did have one moment where I
knew that I had no dumb.
Dumb for you.
No, it was, it was in the
backseat.
It was the big kids in the IT
was, you know.
Oh, your kids in the backseat.
Yeah.
It was Teddy and Justice.
Oh, you know.
You look back to that fast car
of yours.
We might have a a sea visit out
in front of the shop yesterday.
I don't want to say his whole
name.
The man whose name is Edge with
the Sea.
There was an arch and fries
mashed into the sidewalk.
But I had to scrape up this
morning.
So there might be like his
version of leading a fish on
your doorstep.
You know, it's like a threat.
It's like a threat.
He crushed the.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean somebody really
didn't like it.
I mean they it was like 2 bites
and just mashed all over the
concrete with fries by the road.
The big arch.
Because they.
Had the two different colored
sesame seeds on it.
Wow.
I like that.
You you could probably identify
that it was the big arch.
Yeah, it was obviously your next
level now.
I would.
I could see that coming from
Phil, but you, you totally threw
me off guard.
OK, well, let's get into the
show.
All right.
You guys familiar with the
former Department of Homeland
Security Secretary Christy
Gnome?
Can't say that I am.
Have you?
She's been in the news.
Have you spoken about her
before?
No.
No.
This is the first time.
But she's been in the news for a
while.
She was against drag shows.
She was trying to get them
outlawed.
Ah.
No, I'm definitely not familiar
with her.
Oh well, I thought maybe in your
circles.
Yeah, I'd like to know who she
is.
Anyway, it came out that her
husband is a cross dresser in
private time.
Oh, she's hurt.
And they released photos of him.
Oh boy.
With her.
No, no she did not.
She was not aware.
Oh, whatever.
So Daily Mail published photos
and messages allegedly showing
her husband, Byron Cross,
dressing and communicating with
online fetish models.
Byron.
His name?
Byron.
Byron's his name.
Byron.
That's not his.
Their nationality.
Other name?
No, they don't know.
Byron's a man's name.
Yeah, but he, I mean, I saw some
of the photos.
They are the starting to say
the.
Least, yeah.
His other name?
Probably like Brianna.
Wow, his family's been
blindsided and asked for privacy
and prayers.
Lots of prayers.
I don't how do you how do you
get blindsided with that?
'Cause you find out your
husband's across cause the guy's
been secretly doing it online.
Secretly, there wasn't one sign.
Are you saying that there's
signs?
Yeah.
Have you heard of Bruce Jenner?
There's probably.
Signs.
There was definitely signs of
Bruce Jenner.
What are you talking about?
Yeah.
His wife didn't know until he
came out of it.
There was, that's what she said
she.
Was in denial.
There's probably signs he used
to talk about how he liked to
paint his toenails and stuff.
And right.
No, not me.
He didn't even deny the photos
when it came out.
He's like, Yep, you got me.
I like to wear.
I've been trying to tell you at
dinner on Sundays.
It's gotta be relieving.
It's gotta be relieving.
Yeah, I would imagine.
Yeah.
I don't hide it, you know, and
how is like almost to a point
where I would be pissed, right?
Like if this, if you were him or
her, if I was secretly doing
something for like a long period
of time.
And it sounds like a sounds like
he's been over what he's been
doing it for a while and
eventually after a decade,
somebody caught it.
I'd be like, yeah, yeah, you're
right.
It has.
I've been doing this this whole
time.
Yes.
Finally.
Oh, but you're relieved but
upset?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're relieved.
You're upset that it took so
long.
Yeah.
Thanks for finally noticing.
I literally tiptoe out in front
of everybody every day and no
one caught it.
Yeah, you didn't even ask me
about my purses, right?
You know what I mean?
Like he's been messaging three
specific fetish women for years.
There you go.
Fetish women like men that are
women.
I don't know.
I'm just reading the story,
dude.
I don't have, you know, I can't
tell you everything.
I don't know but he had but he
has paid the three of them
$25,000 cash at the PayPal
total.
Not 25,000 each one but over the
years he has sent them 25I
imagine for photos or maybe tips
on how to get your makeup 25
large 25,000.
Tips.
Yeah, I'm sure it was.
Tips.
You're crackling a little bit.
Who you What do you want me to
unplug?
How bad is there?
Take your phone and remove it
from the video S board.
OK, that didn't stop.
I don't know, it's when you
start talking a lot.
I'm talking a lot.
No, I won't talk for the rest of
the show.
Is it still there?
No.
Yeah, It's it's any type of
transmission that's close to the
board or this.
I'm.
I'm willing to bet.
Oh, it could be.
Like I told you, when Preston
leaned into the screen, that's
when his started.
Right?
Right.
The photos allegedly show him
wearing fake breast women's
clothes.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, but the problem is
she worked for Homeland
Security.
So counterintelligence experts
flag the situation as a
potential security risk.
How did they like OK, noting
that if that could be found out,
other things in their family
could be found out and maybe
something slips out, But she has
resigned from her position, OK.
Other things, I mean, what are
the things?
Well, she's Department of
Homeland Security secretary, so
she has access to many things.
And maybe when they get into
his, you know, let's just say
photos, maybe they also get into
the home Wi-Fi and get into her
e-mail and find out she likes to
smoke cigars, too.
OK, so wait a second.
All right, so hold on.
Let's just let's back up.
Let's back up one step.
So do are you do you think that
it is appropriate for her to
lose her job in this scenario
and for her to step down?
No.
I mean, she resigned.
But no, I mean, I don't see
unless they're worried about
secrets getting out.
OK.
What about you, Phil?
Her husband's gay.
I mean, why would that?
OK, like nobody said he's gay,
he just likes to wear women's
clothes.
There is a.
Difference.
All right, man, whatever.
No, I don't think she used to
lose her.
Just messaging women.
He's not like he's saying, you
know, messaging other dudes.
How do you know?
They're women either way,
whatever the scenario is,
Whatever the scenario is, OK.
Yeah, I don't think so.
I mean, stepping down, you know,
you know, if anything, I would
much I would have preferred.
Yeah.
You know what, Like, maybe I
should revisit how I felt about
things in the past and, you
know, now that it's so close to
me or whatever.
Right.
Like, that probably would have
been a better approach of
anything.
It looks like when someone
resigns and steps down and kind
of shelters, it looks like
they're hiding more stuff.
Right.
Well, I imagine what she's
doing, she doesn't want to have
to answer the question.
So the easiest thing to do is I
will just resign, step down.
Me and my family will go to the
church and pray more or whatever
it is she decides to tell.
I think that you got to go
through the fire.
Good Friday.
I think you got to go through
the fire.
Well, we're different people
than she is, obviously.
Well, we're different than every
politician that exists because
every.
No.
Well, yeah, because all
politicians don't want to have
to answer the stories when they
do something bad, right.
Well, that because they're all
not all of them.
They're allegedly a lot of them
are.
Allegedly, a lot of them are.
Up to something.
What is there the answer
anymore?
See, it's all out in the open.
There's nothing that well.
Because you know, every time she
does anything in front of a, you
know, group of press people,
they're going to be.
So did your husband like to tape
his Wiener to his leg or
whatever it?
Is one of the questions.
Could be, who knows?
That's the good stuff.
That's what they want to know.
They don't want to know, you
know?
Did you type the letter from the
governor?
Well, you'd just answer it.
She doesn't want to answer.
She wants us to go away.
There'll be a divorce that comes
out now.
She'll get to the children.
Yeah, they will.
No way.
Yep.
You're.
Never going to hear from this
lady again.
Wait, what's her name?
They get divorced.
Christie something or other?
No one Christie something.
OK, what's the over under on the
divorce?
Like?
What's the date and time?
You think that it happened
within six months, six months,
six months?
Remember, he is a professional.
What about you, Phil?
Yeah, you're the gambler.
What are the odds?
Oh, the over under.
Yeah, where's your line?
Three months.
You even went lower.
I'm taking the over.
There's no way.
OK.
There's no way you're taking the
over, So yeah, what did he say?
He's saying more than six.
He said, he said three months,
You said six months.
Yeah.
I don't think that it happens.
If a divorce happens, it's not
remotely close to any of this.
OK, This is the, the, the, the,
in my opinion, the right
approach is stand by the guy
that you love and figure it out.
Right.
If he hasn't done anything
malice, I mean, like, who knows?
I don't know, You sent $25,000
of their money to weird women or
something.
Could be taxpayer money.
I mean, whatever could be Like
he used to attend sensitive
congressional hearings.
Oh boy, So what?
In a dress or in pants?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe they didn't know he was
there.
Yeah, maybe.
He looks really cute.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Like, I don't like if if the if
the media tactic is hey, we're
going to pray and blah, blah,
blah, blah, then I don't see it
ending in.
Well, that's what she said, that
that was her response, Right.
So I don't pray for us.
Yeah.
I don't see it ending in
divorce.
I see, you know them going
through a different course of
action here.
She has a record of anti LGBTQ
legislation in South Dakota.
Yeah, including efforts to ban
campus campus drag shows.
South Dakota.
So they're definitely getting
divorced.
Campus.
Yeah, on campus.
OK well, you know, fraternities
and stuff do those kind of
shows.
They make the pledges.
Do they?
Sure they do.
I've seen movies.
I mean, seems kind of seems
silly to Revenge of the Nerds.
They all dressed up like
cheerleaders.
It seems silly to have the fight
some type of regulation on that.
It's not like, you know,
campuses are well, that's how
she, you know, shows how much
she was against, right, All
that.
I get it.
And she didn't know one day of
the this guy doing this.
What's?
His name?
Byron Byron Trump, feels.
I feel badly for the family.
And I didn't know anything about
it.
I had no idea.
What do you know about?
It feel like she calls him on
the phone.
He's like hello honey, hello
honey.
Why did you do that weird voice?
This is then Trump.
This is then Trump receives
allegedly receives 25,000 from
Byron.
Getting good.
OK.
OK, here is here is why they get
the divorce.
OK.
The initial tip may have come
from an immigrant sex worker
seeking retribution for DHS
policies.
Nice.
Wow, you're not letting me in?
I had pictures of Byron.
Wait, that was How's that sound?
That was a very long accolade.
Wow, immigrant sex worker.
Yes, an immigrant sex worker.
That's it.
That's quite the title.
So it sounds like right?
Listen, it sounds like it's a
little more than just photos,
right?
Yeah, if it could be if
immigrant sex worker right has
pictures, pressed the screws
here and said, you know.
We did a colonoscopy one time.
So look like if I'm now that
you've kind of said all those
things for me, the way that like
I kind of view it and it's just
my perspective.
I can be totally wrong, but it
sounds like so this person came
out and and made these threats
and allegations and in order for
them to get ahead of it, they
were they she resigned and then
announced everything.
Well, the way this reads to me
is he leaked tips to the media
and then people started asking
about it.
You know, they start showing the
photos because it says on March
5th is when she resigned, when
the story became public, Right.
So one way or the other.
March 5th.
Yeah.
Just been a month.
Just happened.
Yeah, just been a month.
Gotcha.
OK, All right, We have an update
to yesterday's Artemis 2 story.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Let's get away from the first.
Story.
So there was a well, the first
story is hilarious.
There was a fan that was a
problem with the the toilet, I
guess a fan was jammed on the
Orion spacecraft toilet.
So something had broken off and
was stuck inside the unit.
So they couldn't flush, for lack
of a better word, right.
So all the engineers got
together, they took pictures and
everything, and guess which
astronaut fixed it?
The Canadian.
The is that the the black guy?
I have no idea.
I don't know the black one.
I just, I just know there's one
Canadian on there.
I don't know if she's Canadian,
but it was the woman.
The one woman.
The woman fixed the toilet.
Yeah.
She's now calling herself a
space plumber.
She's the space plumber.
Super expensive.
You followed guided
troubleshooting steps from
Mission Control in Houston.
Astronaut Christina Koch removed
components, allowing the crew to
clear the obstruction and
restore the How much do you
think the toilet cost, $250,000?
On on this ship.
Yeah, on the space ship.
It's got to be over 1,000,000.
$30 million, Yeah, that's a hell
of a toilet.
And it broke.
Wow, the fart.
The fart extractor came off.
It's all made from metal parts
that they made on a printer.
And it was $30 million. $30
million, right?
In the wrong business.
So shortly after liftoff, the
toilets fan became jammed and a
fault light began blinking.
Control identified the fan
issue.
Astronauts were guided through
plumbing tricks to access the
fan and remove the blockage
while the toilet was broken.
The crew used collapsible
contingency urinals.
Because, you know, they're
talking about peeing.
So that automatically everybody
has to pee.
Yeah.
No.
God, especially I can't pee.
Especially if they're.
Well, how old is everybody?
You know, they're middle age.
So it's not too bad then.
No.
All right.
Probably your age.
So I just looked her up and it
looks like there's a picture of
her with an American flag.
So I wouldn't.
She's not Canadian.
I'm assuming she's American or
she really likes American.
Yeah or she's a huge fan.
Damn right, that's the first day
right here.
She also holds the record for
the longest single Space Flight
by a woman, 328 days.
So she's been up before and
participated in the first all
female space walk.
She's scheduled to become the
first woman to travel to deep
space in 2026 on the 2026
Artemis 2 mission.
This is behind.
She is space plumber and now
dude, I can see the swag, you
know what I mean?
Like it's the story practically
writes itself, right?
Could you imagine what she said
when they figured out that the
toilet was broke?
Oh wait a second.
I know all you guys can pee and
poop in bags, but I'm not.
I'm gonna fix this.
That's gonna.
Be a little harder for her to
pee.
And, you know, I was weightless,
so you gotta catch the pee as
it's floating around.
I gotta be honest, dude, I had
no idea where you're going with
that Me.
So I was quiet and intent and
ready to listen.
And I'm a little disappointed.
I thought it was gonna be a
little more sexist.
I thought it was gonna be.
Yeah, way more sexist than that.
So.
Oh, you guys want me to be
sexist?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Guys are all going.
I'm not putting my hand in that
toilet.
Yeah.
Sound of a bitch.
Get away.
Yeah.
Maybe we should call Byron since
he's a professional in this now.
In in toilets.
In toilets.
No, in sexist stuff.
Oh, sexist stuff.
No, no, he's very female
friendly.
Well, he knows both.
He loves their clothes and
makeup.
Big big fan of the Kardashian
show.
Yeah, I don't guess.
They're gonna have him on the
show, probably.
If I was here, I'd go.
You guys pee in the bags, I fix
the toilet.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
This is my toilet.
Isn't my toilet.
You don't get to use my toilet.
My toilet.
Cristinas toilet.
That's right.
Right.
There's definitely no Canadian
cheeks touching this toilet.
Yeah, Hey, Canada.
Hey, Canada.
Pee in the bag.
Shit in the bag, buddy.
No, no, you can still poop in
it.
Yeah, no, no.
She took it over poop.
Well, that's right now.
Completely common, dear.
He's gonna poop in the back.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you pooping or you're
peeing?
Cuz you can't.
You know what I mean?
Like if you're gonna poop,
you're probably gonna pee, you
know?
So can't slide that.
It's OK, Christina.
I'm only gonna poop.
So excellent.
All right.
How do you think you say the
country of Qatar?
Qatar.
Qatar OK, they gave the
president they gifted him I
would sure that didn't seem
right to me or anything that's
wait a second.
So you just so you just that's
how I said to the next.
So you circumvented you saying
Qatar or something like that
right.
Yeah, by just out of curiosity.
Hey, how do you guys say this?
You know, hey, hey Phil and
Mike, I got a test for you.
How do you say say this word
without screwing it?
You know what, this opens up all
new reviews we can do for what's
the score 'cause I pick names.
I could say I got news for you,
buddy.
I got news for you, buddy.
Now I'm on team.
Now you won't go.
And this is I'll come up with
something.
And you blew it on Qatar, which
is even sadder.
Don't worry, I'll come up with
some other way.
Yeah, He knew we were pretty
competitive.
We both said to say that I was
like, great, yes, I got.
It I convinced you.
For two years, we were sponsored
by a energy drink.
That's because I trusted you.
Well, now, now I don't trust
you.
You just fell for this one.
Yeah.
So anyway, the king or Sheik or
whoever's in charge of this
country gave Trump a plane last
year.
Yes.
You remember that?
Yeah.
It's in the museum or something,
right?
No.
No, it's not in the museum.
They gave him a big, luxurious
747, I believe it was.
OK, 747, Eight.
OK.
And Trump has started making it.
Aircraft 2, basically.
OK.
A smaller version of the
original.
Well, the guy wants it back.
What he wants to back, He wants
a refund.
He's made a formal request to
take back a luxury Boeing 747-8
aircraft that was previously
gifted to the US government for
President Donald Trump's use.
Why?
He's just that's where where
with Iran, I guess he likes Iran
or Iraq, whoever it is we're.
Oh yeah, yes, Iran jets valued
at $400 million.
Well, guess what?
You can't do that.
It's ours now.
Yeah, it's called.
It's called Indian given.
Oh, I wasn't gonna say it.
I'm sorry.
He's not an Indian.
I wasn't gonna say it.
Well, where's the pajamas with
the the hat?
Well, there's.
Oh, see, there's there's the
racism.
It's already been undergoing
extensive security upgrades to
serve as a temporary Air Force
One, making the move highly
significant.
Yeah, and I'm sorry.
I need my plane back.
You can't just gift somebody
something and then ask for it
back.
You were to use it, not have it.
Is that how he talked?
That's.
Inappropriate sounds.
Perfect.
Like, I would like the plane.
I like it.
I would like my plane back.
Like, no, First I thought it was
a guy that sent the plane to get
all the refugees that we were
going to sit back to, but no,
no, this plane much bigger.
This is a much nicer plane.
Much nicer.
Like, hey, no, you don't get to
have it.
No, it's the best plane.
It's the biggest plane.
I'm keeping the plane.
Can you imagine, like, I'm
thinking about some of the
things that I've exchanged, that
we've had exchanges over the
years.
Like, you know what, man, I'd
like that knife back.
I'm going to need that back.
Yeah.
Just because, you know, I don't
know.
Whatever reason you think he
could have just not done it,
nobody would bring it up.
But his analysts believe it
could be recessing its position,
reassessing its position and
growing military pressure and
changing alliances.
I need to give it to the
Khomeini people.
Look, man, you're on our side
now.
It is what it is.
There's nothing.
You're on our side.
There's no going back.
We're friends.
We're going to stay friends, is
what it is.
Yeah.
You have any oil?
It's hard.
Yeah, they they have plenty.
No, I'm saying that's what Trump
was asking.
Oh yeah?
Well, obviously they're feeling
the pressure, you know what I
mean?
Like, I don't know.
I don't follow politics.
Yes.
I don't follow him going.
You gave them a plane.
You believe you gave them a
plane?
I'm sorry.
I get it back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, like somebody has bashed
this guy several times, right?
They're like, dude, I don't even
want to hear it.
You gave the guy a plane.
Yeah, I don't like him.
Yeah, we gave him a plane.
No, we know whose side you're
on, bro.
How about I get it back?
I get.
I'll get.
I'll get it back.
No problem.
We were all smoking the piece.
But I will overpaint all the
American flags on the plane.
Wow.
Yeah, it's not like he needs the
Bunny, You know what I mean?
Right.
I mean, like, this is just this
chic.
It's like pocket change.
Could it just be the fact that
he's doing this announcement
just to kind of save face at
this point?
Like, well, I'm sure he would
like them to give it back, too,
but that's probably part of it.
He's like, hey, listen, I'm
gonna.
I gotta make an announcement
that, like, things are heating
up over here, you know what I
mean?
I'm in the middle.
I can't just leave.
You know what?
No, I like the plane, though.
I want to keep.
Yeah, like, no, you can still
keep the plane.
I just got to announce that I
want it back.
They put a dune desk in.
My name is everywhere Inside.
There are pictures of me.
Pictures of me everywhere.
That's OK.
I like them.
You can leave them up with
friends.
But no one has to know.
No one has to know that we're
cool.
We're cool.
Just park it down my runway for
a while.
You get it back next month.
Yeah.
I just want to look good here
under the cover of Dark dish.
We will send it back.
What about you, Phil?
Have you ever had a gift given
to you where you had to give it
back?
No, and this sounds crazy
because why would you go and ask
somebody for your stuff back
when he's just carpet bombing
everybody?
I told you they broke up.
He's feeling broke up.
He went to all this stuff.
He's feeling the pressure.
It's feeling the pressure.
I want my booty.
I want my hat and my blade.
Did he go back?
We're breaking up.
Did he not see the Club 49 guys?
Like man, you gotta just leave
Trump alone at this point.
Like, hey, man, I gave you that
plane.
Remember?
We're friends.
We're friends.
We're friends.
Yeah, I know.
I'm on the list.
Maybe you can scratch my name
off.
Maybe move me to the bottom of
the list.
Well, isn't, isn't guitar known
or not known?
But isn't, isn't it believed
that Qatar is linked to a lot of
these terrorist organizations?
Yeah.
It's about.
That's why he gave the plane in
the 1st place.
Yeah.
I was like, I'm a good guy.
You're playing.
Yeah, look, we're buddies.
Just don't check in the
compartment.
He's like, thanks for the play,
I smuggle you in.
No, there's ticking.
There's a box of Bieber's in
here.
What is this?
Here?
Give this out to the whole
administration.
We're going.
We're going to send it back with
a box of Bieber's in it.
Sure, you can have the plane
back.
Park it by where they have the
meeting.
Right.
That he should give it back and
then when it lands, it just
blows up.
Oh, there's your plane.
That's all.
Nice.
It's like a reversal.
Right, you want the plane.
Yeah, what irony that'd be.
OK, all right, moving on.
All right.
This week, 9 individuals,
including well known musical
artists, were federally charged
for kidnapping and robbing at
gunpoint numerous victims at a
music studio in Dallas, TX OK,
so these guys were going to have
a meeting.
This is Push Heisty.
It's Push Heisty.
I have a list of all the names.
I don't know who they had the
meeting with, but I know who
called for the meeting.
OK, so Lontrell Williams Junior,
AKA Push Heisty.
OK Lontrell Williams Senior
apparently doesn't happen.
Push Heisey senior, Rodney
Wright, junior AKA Big 30 Big
Thirty.
OK Kendras Waters, Terrence
Rogers, Barely no street names.
Rosie's Gentleman, The standard
government names they have.
Demarian Gibson, DeMarcus
Glover, Core Day Johnson and
Darian McDaniel called for a
meeting in Dallas, TX with their
music industry people.
OK we need you to all come to
this meeting.
We need to talk we need to talk
come to the studio.
So they call you for a meeting
you show up in the meeting.
Hey everybody, they pulled out
guns.
They strangled a couple of them,
pistol whipped to some of them
stole their jewelry, made them
sign a contract at gunpoint that
says you are no longer judging
my music.
It doesn't sound like that that
contract is effective.
Well, and then left, right?
So they didn't kill anybody.
So there's witnesses, right?
First rule of taking what?
Taking prisoners.
Right.
Don't release them.
Don't leave them.
Don't release.
The prisoners.
So their phones all ping.
So they were like, it wasn't us,
we weren't there and we didn't
do nothing.
But their phones all ping there.
They rented a car in the city
that the meeting was in.
OK.
And the license plate of the car
was read as they pulled into the
parking garage.
Wow.
Of course it was.
Finger their fingerprints were
all over the room.
OK, and then I'm not sure
exactly which one, but one of
them posted pictures on
Instagram going hey, look at my
new watch and it was one of the
victims watches.
Probably senior.
You see, it looked like a
younger guy.
It might have been Pooh Sheisty,
it could have been the Pooh.
I don't know.
I don't know which ones, which
could have been the Pooh.
But now all three of the OR all
nine of them are going to jail
for up to life in prison for
kidnapping.
Yeah, there's a lot of counts
there.
Life in prison.
Life is up to life in prison.
That's the maximum you can get.
So for the assault, for the
kidnapping, for the guns, for
the robbery.
OK, So what do you think
happened?
Why?
Like, well, they wanted out of
the contract, apparently.
And I don't know which music
company it was, but apparently
they wouldn't let him out of the
contract.
So they thought, well, here's
what we do.
Come on boys, let's go to
Dallas.
Yeah, let's go rob these guys.
I mean, you know, they've seen
too many movies, you think?
No, because the movies, they
kill them.
Well, maybe.
Well, I mean, they're not, you
know, hardened criminals.
They're just criminals.
Maybe they're softened
criminals.
Yeah, right.
They're just regular criminals.
Yeah.
Standard.
Slightly above, but what idiot
puts a picture?
I'm sorry, alleged idiot puts a
picture on Instagram.
A lot of the legends this week.
What idiot holds somebody at
gunpoint and goes all right, I'm
leaving now.
Wait to call the police until I
walk out the door, OK?
They strangle one of the guys so
he passed out like he's not
going to say anything.
You know, look, if you tell them
we're going to come back and
shoot you with this gun and I
know what time I'm leaving, I'm
curious as to how bad was the
contract.
Must have been probably not that
bad, I'm sure.
Probably not.
You don't think it wasn't that
bad?
I mean, how bad could it be we
we take all the money while you
sing?
Yeah.
OK.
So the contract runs out and you
go get another one, I mean.
I don't know.
But if you're dumb and you sign
something that you know, Are you
guys familiar with these
people's names?
I don't know who they are.
No.
I mean, I just the one I've
heard the name Pooch.
I see.
Like, yeah, so it's that it's
probably not like huge money.
No, it's probably.
But like, imagine.
Well, you pretty much work for
free anyways, But.
But there's no contract, you
know what I mean?
Like, you know, you choose to
work for free.
There's I don't Yeah, you choose
to work for free.
There's not, You know, as a
matter of fact, you owe me 20
bucks, you know what I mean?
Like the I'm kind of curious as
to I.
Look, you have to be more
involved.
Like, the scary part is the
statement that comes around is,
you know, eventually you get to
a point where the crowd starts
thinking eat the rich, right?
And like, I don't know.
But is, is that an example of
this is, you know, did you know,
did an artist get taken
advantage of, Right.
And then that artist lashed out
and did something entirely
inappropriate.
But like, is this, is this that
scenario?
Could this be that scenario
where someone took advantage of
somebody else and you know, that
that person had a breaking point
and they said enough.
I'm not, you know, I'm not
condoning the actions, but I'm
just simply asking the question
is, is that's what is that what
happened here, right?
I mean, look at what happened
with the health insurance guy,
right?
Yeah.
He he came out of the bed like
that guy was ready.
He came out of a spot where he
had no security, no nothing.
Luigi.
Boom.
Yeah, Yeah.
And he took him out and you
know.
Yeah, but he took him out.
OK, yeah.
But like, you know, and like, I
don't know the exact numbers,
but like half our society are
like, yes, right.
We're in support of the guy,
Like, hey, he's fine.
Plus he's really cute, you know?
Yeah.
You know, So like is, is that is
that, is this situation similar
to some degree?
I mean, it could be, I don't, I
don't know.
Yeah, it's not like it's over
two or three percentage points,
Right.
That's what I'm saying, right?
I'm just, I'm, I'm trying to
figure out why they robbed him.
Because they feel like they owe
them money.
I feel like they've been robbed.
Like, hey, you owe me money.
I've been singing for you for
right, whatever.
And how much money am I making
you?
And I'm barely getting by like
enough.
Like I don't again, I don't
know.
I'm just, you know, listen,
sure, the the photos of their
injuries, they were all they
had, you know, hoodies on.
And it was weird because it
looked like they didn't want to
be identified as the victims,
but they were showing.
So like they would have like a
bandana up to here so you could
see the black eye and then a hat
down so you couldn't see their
face.
Like they didn't want to show
their faces, right?
The victims, right.
The victims didn't, but they
wanted, you know, look quick.
We all got to take pictures of
our black eyes and our bloody
nose.
Isn't that interesting?
Right.
But don't get my face.
Don't I mean, don't you find
that kind of that's what I mean,
it's kind of kind of strange.
I thought that was the bad guys
at 1st.
And then as I'm going to go, no,
that guy's got a black guy.
That guy's got, you know, bloody
nose and.
Well, they're fashionable
victims.
Well, they didn't want to be
identified from the image that
you could see.
Did they look like they were
younger or older?
Middle age, middle age guys,
people he wouldn't like.
I know that's kind of a wide
range at this point, but but you
understand.
That yeah, I got you.
That could be anything, right?
Could be, could be any race.
But we just know they weren't
white.
So they were cross dressers is
what you're saying, right.
So the managers are cross
dressers push I see allegedly
had issues with that.
He didn't like being managed by
cross dressers, right?
Exactly.
They should have diddied him.
Diddy was not there.
What does that mean?
You get rid of him?
Diddy's already in jail.
What are you talking?
About Yeah, well, you know, he
killed Tupac, Biggie, all them.
Allegedly.
Oh yeah, OK, Allegedly.
Sorry.
You have to say.
Allegedly.
Can you?
Prove any of that.
Not yet, but 50 will come out
with that part.
So you can't prove that.
As soon as he gets out of prison
I bet you Part 2 of that
documentary is going to be he
did it.
I allegedly.
I think that I think that if you
could prove it, then it would
have already been proven.
Not necessarily.
They didn't prove the white
parties for a while.
I.
Mean we still don't know who
shot Kennedy, right?
Right.
Oh, now the whole Charlie Kirk
conspiracy thing you guys been
following up.
Can't say I have, can't say I
have either.
They say the bullet that the guy
that doesn't match the rifle of
the.
Guy Oh yeah, I did see that.
I don't know if it works that
way.
Yeah, I, I was, I was like.
I don't know if you can trace
back a high.
I mean, we got a gun expert.
Oh, if we only knew a gun
expert.
I don't know if you can actually
trace a bullet that's like a
high-powered rifle and link it
with 100% certainty to a
specific gun.
Yes, no, maybe you don't know,
just a note if it's a
high-powered rifle, right, so
that you can mark the so he said
that you know it depending upon
the caliber, you can mark the
caliber of the gun, sure, but
like as far as.
That exact gun.
If you and I both had the exact
same gun, could they tell?
Yeah.
But it.
Yeah, it's kind of difficult to
do it because that because that
bullet will break apart more
than a bullet from a handgun, I
would assume.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah.
Right.
Like a bullet, a bullet from a
handgun from here, bang.
Right.
And then I could take another
shot with it into something to
test it and say, look, this is a
match, right.
Right.
OK.
Yeah.
So.
But you still can't with 100%
certainty match it right now.
You can't.
So there you go.
So conspiracy wiped and like, I
don't even know what you're
talking about.
I kind of solved that one.
You know, I think that there are
satellites in space.
I believe now that we went to
the moon 100 without question
because of the day.
I believe it.
Because of the toilet, yeah.
Because of the toilet.
Got to the toilet.
Yeah, well, they're not.
They're in another.
They banged into some
satellites, I heard, and as
they're going up, it shook the
fan loose and all of a sudden
it's clogged.
Yeah.
And what about Tupac and Biggie?
The conspiracy What do I
believe?
Can we wipe that one?
OK, Can we eliminate that one
too?
Let's just go through the thing.
Are birds drones that they're
trying to?
No, no, no.
Is that a thing?
No.
They're actual things, yeah,
that's the thing.
People think birds are drones,
yeah.
Yeah, well, Internet has really
exposed the crazy.
I saw a story yesterday that a
suicide drone almost took out
the Air Force One.
Really.
But then when I did research,
completely fake story.
You know what's funny is that it
was a pretty legit wait till we
wait till we get to the video
today.
You're gonna you're gonna have a
good laugh.
Oh, yeah, By the way, I saw
your, your kid that's going to
the F and Moon.
I've seen him.
Oh, we saw.
I've seen him four times.
Dude, that kid was why are you
so excited?
We're going to the F and Moon.
That kid was excited.
He was stoked, man.
Is your video have anything to
do with the spaceship?
No.
Is it rocket ship?
Sorry, not spaceship, No.
Well, there was this just to
talk about since we're on the
rocket ship thing.
OK, There was this one guy.
His conspiracy was is that he
had a video of like this
fireball that was coming off of
the rocket when it was going up
in the air, obviously.
Yeah.
And he said that that there was
a guide wire and the astronauts
came out of the ship as this
thing's launching.
Like yesterday's.
Yeah, at the launch, yeah, it
was.
They came out of the ship and
went down the guide wire and you
could see them go all the way
down the guide wire.
I'm like and they would die.
They.
Were just roasted about is this
is that that used to be the the
evacuation programs like a zip
line right to get out at the
last minute but now there's
something different.
Is this the same guy that built
the ocean building for the
dolphins?
Yes, the dolphins told him.
The dolphins told him.
I don't know, this guy was
weird, man.
OK all.
Right, You got a video for me.
I do have a video for you.
This is pretty so exciting.
Pretty funny.
The master blender has the
video.
The master blender.
Oh I let my kid wear my meds
today and I have random pictures
of stuff.
I'm sending you the video.
I'll have to stop, step away
from the microphone.
Yeah, with my phone.
OK.
So that way it doesn't crack
them.
So this is funny.
So this is when you I saw this
on the Twitter and it says video
footage of F-19 being shot down
from an Iranian missile or
something like that.
Two or three F fourteens have
been shot down and whatever it
is F14F, this is the actual
footage of those.
So that's what it says.
All right, that's what it says.
OK, so watch the video, right?
There's a plane, this giant
escape.
Look at
that.
OK, so you saw it.
Hold on.
I'm still watching.
So I get destroyed.
Why?
Is it funny?
OK, so you saw it, right?
Yeah.
All right, so this is the post
that I saw and I was like, oh
wow, look at that right beneath
it right beneath it.
It says false while the IRGC has
claimed to shoot down yeah well
has sorry.
It has claimed the the shoot
down of a US FF15 E strike
eagle.
This video is from a video.
This video is from a video game,
specifically Arma three surface
to air missiles move much faster
than that.
So like, I'm I'm showing you
this video because, like this is
all the crap that is out on
social media, right?
And you don't know what to
believe and what's real and
what's fake at this point.
No, like the thing I saw where
Air Force One was almost taken
out by a drone was it look like
a legit news story from a new
show, right?
I mean, it very well done.
Yeah, well, they say I who is it
where we were with Iran, Iraq,
whatever, Whoever it is, I
can't.
Keep Iran.
OK, They released footage of the
Lincoln battleship being sunk.
And that was from a video that
was from a video game, right?
Yeah.
So like what?
We got the boat.
Look, we got the boat.
We got the boat.
Oh, yeah.
I got a high score that day.
That was mine.
So is it.
So is it confirmed that this
that the plane went down or No,
We had planes go down.
Yes, we have, We confirmed that,
yes, yes.
I, I did research when I saw
because like I said, now you
can't believe anything you see,
so you got to look.
But yeah, they haven't released
any details or who the pilots
were.
I think there was two or three
of them that got shot down or
maybe it's just one.
But before there were three
shutdown before that by friendly
fire.
That's what it was.
I'm going to, I'm going to.
And when those landed, the
people are like, we're sorry,
come with us.
Take us to America.
They take us to America.
U.S. officials confirmed to CBS
News that Iranian forces shot
down an F15 on Friday.
There you go.
They got one.
One crew member was rescued by
American forces while the search
mission is underway for another
crew member.
They claim they have him the bad
guys.
Well, that's what we want them
to think.
No, we.
Don't want him to have one of
ours.
No, he well, we're infiltrating.
SEAL Team 12, which nobody ever
talks about.
He's going in right now.
That's another one.
Well, it's twice as good as six.
Yeah, twice as good, huh?
SEAL Team 12 is a reservist
unit.
They're what?
They're a reservist unit.
They're reservist.
That's a real team.
What's a reservist unit?
They're on reservist.
It's like the reserve seals,
like reservist, the real.
Part timers, so you call them
reservist.
Reservist.
They're semi retired, no man,
they're part timers.
Imagine part timers.
So guys that work at like true
value in Chick-fil-A, what are
they?
So they're So what?
So they're like like second
seed.
What are like what what like
they didn't quite like in case
of emergency type guys, do they
not qualify for like numero Uno
or are they equally as good?
I mean, they're, yeah, they go
through all the training and
stuff, but they just, they're
not on active duty all the time.
They didn't feel they're quite
starting quarterback and like
they're second or third string.
Yeah.
So what do they do when they're
not Navy sealing?
Yeah.
What do they have?
Civilians, yeah.
They're just walking around.
They're just walking around like
they.
Yeah, they don't.
Put the oil in the motor and
stuff.
I mean do they?
By the way, I finished.
Have you guys ever seen in the
Army now?
With Pauly Shore.
That they are a reservist unit.
You don't remember?
Well, so like like my step sons
in the reserves.
So that type of thing.
I didn't think that there was
Navy SEAL reserves.
I didn't know either.
Like backups.
Yeah, there's reserves and
everything.
That's incredible.
So they are.
So they work at like true value
and HR.
I don't think they work at true
value until they get called up.
I don't.
I don't think so.
They have regular disability.
They have regular.
Jobs, whatever it is.
I don't think do they talk about
the fact that they're seals or
do they're not?
You're not allowed.
To yeah, it's a code.
It's a code, Yeah.
Do you think he's a seal him?
Yeah.
No, look at him.
Look at me it.
Looks like it's more like a.
That's where that phone call
was.
It was not the VA.
It was not the VA.
They're calling them up because
that plane went down.
It was US.
Walrus 6 is in is in effect.
It's Walrus.
Wow.
I made a fat joke.
A your.
Wow.
No, I didn't.
Walrus.
No, the teeth.
He's got big teeth.
Oh, yeah.
Big wow.
I can't make fun of me more.
That's what you were thinking,
huh?
Oh wow.
Gay, fat, big teeth.
Wow.
OK, guys, whatever.
Gay fed big I never called you
gay.
That would be a clutter that
still the decision bar you
didn't call.
You never call him gay.
Like that's not an insult.
No, I never called him gay.
First of all, that's not an
insult.
Do you see this mask?
That's not a gay man.
Yeah.
What's wrong with the mask?
The one we passed on was a gay
mask.
Yeah, that's a lovely mask.
You're almost a leather clad
Bunny face.
Listen, we actually got that.
We actually got that mask from
Byron.
It looked like bondage.
Yeah, that was a good one.
What is it?
The thought that you couldn't
see the ears?
The the Yeah, the ears stuck up
too far.
Oh, that's why you didn't get
it.
That's why we passed on.
That's why we passed on it.
But hey, never say never.
And there was a hole in the
forehead.
We couldn't figure out what that
was for.
Yeah, that was odd.
That was really weird.
When we got down to the cheapest
one possible, there was a hole
in the forehead for like 6
bucks.
I'm like, I don't know.
Yeah.
You think that would be done
over the mouth?
What's in the middle of this
forehead?
Yeah.
Wow, that's.
Crazy.
That way you could smoke through
the hole.
Yeah.
OK.
All right.
Cigar news.
Here we go.
Yeah, let's move on.
Gurkha celebrates Juan Lopez's
career with a special cigar.
Oh.
OK, I know there's so much you
could do with this.
Gurkha Cigar Group is honoring
one of its own with its newest
release, Tres Decades.
Decades.
It means 3 decades.
No, let me keep going.
No, no, no, don't tell him.
Tres tres, 30 years.
It's 30 years the line
celebrates Juan Lopez's, the
company's VP of sales, and his
three decades in the cigar
industry.
He uses in Ecuador and Habano a
squirrel wrapper and Nicaraguan
binder grown in the Halapa
region in an all Nicaraguan
filler blend that contains Visa
from Condega, Lajero from
Estelli and Seiko from OMA Tempe
and a press release.
The company said the blend was
developed with the same patients
precision and passion that have
defined his career.
Gurkha made that.
Yeah, skirt can make that.
I can't go on.
This is just ridiculous.
OK, this cigar.
The line is over in three sizes.
It's a robusto, a Toro and a
Gordo.
Let's guess the price of the
Gordo 6 1/2 by 56 Phil 3030
years.
Now gentlemen, remember he's
been in the industry for 30
years.
This is to pay homage to his
career, OK?
A 120 bucks.
Wait, did for one cigar?
Yeah, that's Phil.
OK, He knows.
Come on.
I thought it maybe it meant the
whole box.
That's for the one.
OK, 16 bucks.
He got the price right for the
box.
That's why I was confused.
So it's a $40 cigar. 1295 for a
box of 10s, a hundred and 2950,
didn't you say $130.00?
Yeah, yeah.
I was like.
Oh, I thought there was only
three cigars.
Only three cigars.
We only like him enough to make
3.
Cigars 33 decades.
Here's 123.
There you.
Go The company's not disclosing
where they're making it, but
they're making 1000 boxes per
size.
Lovely, lovely.
I don't like how you came in on
that, though.
First of all, you said, remember
guys, he's doing 30 years of
homage.
Da da da da.
You made it sound expensive.
1299.
That's a cigar.
I think that's what he was
heading towards, bro.
That's what he's like.
Remember all this stuff?
And then he was like, you know,
it's you can buy it with a pack
of gum.
This is what he was trying to
say.
Well, I was trying to say, yeah,
I mean, this is we love you so
much, Juan Lopez.
Here's a $12.00 cigar.
Here's you can get these.
You can buy this pack of
Chiclets or, or this cigar that
pays homage to my career.
Oh, God, I'm going to get
someone.
Someone's going to be nasty
about this one, aren't you?
Yeah.
It doesn't sound like a bad
cigar.
What do you mean?
What does it sound?
What?
He didn't describe it at all.
He did he.
Told you the tobacco it was in,
it's got a lot of, it's got a
lot of different tobacco in
here, OK.
Yeah, they didn't just go.
It's disclosed and tastes just
like a Gurkha.
OK, Does it come with a knife?
No, it comes with one.
There's no homage there.
It comes with Juan Lopez.
Yes.
Oh, OK.
It looks like his name should be
Larry.
Larry.
I'd like to call him Larry.
Is it white Larry?
Larry Lopez, Is he white?
I don't know why, he said.
Larry like him?
You would like him?
Is he white?
You would like him.
He said he looks like a Larry
like.
He doesn't look like a Juan.
He was Juan Lopez.
Yeah, but he said he looks like
a Larry.
He's got grayish white hair,
Yeah, and he's got fair
complected like me.
Yeah, so he looks white.
That's what he's saying.
That's.
What I'm saying, he looks like a
Larry.
He looks like a Larry.
Larry Lopez, I'm stepping out of
this one.
He knows me.
He says hi to me by name when he
sees me.
So yeah, he'll bring this up.
He'll.
Go.
Call me Larry, huh?
Yep, exactly Larry.
And we're going to see him in
two weeks.
They're one of.
Those knives and.
They're going to say, weren't
you worth like 30 bucks for the
cigar?
And let's be honest, Yeah, Let's
be honest.
That's a little insulting, yeah.
I said 4:00 to.
Right, because you thought it
was a box of three.
You were going single stick
price, one for every 10 years.
You can't fool.
You're not fooling anybody.
You were going single stick
price.
You said 120 bucks.
No, Yeah, yeah, in the
beginning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, because I was like, oh,
OK, this is something that
they've never done before.
And wow, they really fooled me.
That guy never came back for
Gorky either.
Doesn't think money owner who
got in trouble.
He's just getting paid.
Why?
Why go?
Why Thrusty come back?
Yeah.
But you know what?
It makes sense.
He's had enough.
He's getting paid.
He's in, you know, and someone
else is dealing with the
problems.
Right.
Juan Lopez.
Yeah.
All right.
Davidoff is coming out with
their final travel urban
humidor.
It's scheduled for June.
Oh, yeah.
So they've made three different
ones over the last five years.
I saw the e-mail on this.
You didn't buy it, did you?
No.
No.
So the first, the first one
looked like a big folder.
Yeah.
All right.
The second one looked kind of
like a clutch purse.
Yeah, the third one, the one
they're coming out with now.
The third and final one, it's a
purse.
Yeah, it looks like a purse.
It looks like a purse.
It has a show.
They added a shoulder strap to
the clutch and now it's a.
It's a purse.
It's not even a merce or a man's
satchel.
It is a purse.
It looks, it does look like a
purse.
The new Davidoff Travel.
You'll never be a white label
account.
Urban followed the release of
the Explorer and business
models.
The Explorer was the original 1.
It looked like a folder that you
kept cigars in.
The business model look a little
more business like.
It had straps that would hold it
shut and now they've added a
shoulder.
Now they've gone merce they've
no that's a full purse.
My wife would love this.
Inside the pocket is a removable
tray that has slots for 8 cigars
divided by flexible felt covered
dividers that naturally adjust
to the thickness of each cigar.
Or your makeup and your makeup
brushes.
Makeup.
Maybe that was the goal.
Maybe they're like, oh look, he
gets the cigars and he can give
this to her.
And it's a.
Purse, well, it doesn't come
with cigars in it.
It's just the purse I do like.
I do like the fact that you can
like the felt casing where you
can kind of have mold around
your cigars.
That's pretty cool.
Or your makeup and chapsticks
and lipsticks and stuff.
It's only on podcasters.
You don't use chapstick?
Yeah, but I don't care in my
purse.
I care in my pocket.
I'm going to order this for you.
They have a No, you're not.
You're 500 bucks a pop.
No, I'm not.
Yeah, that's blows.
A large flap is held in place
via a magnet.
A manly magnet.
A very masculine magnet.
Yes.
Devil says that it's travel
humor org and keep cigars fresh
up to 45 days by using the
included both of the packs.
So, you know, so there's really
no time.
So it's older by the three
models function the same when
storing cigars.
They differ in terms of their
external appearance.
One's a clutch, one's a folder,
and one's a purse.
Right.
All right, perfect.
All right, let's get to the
price.
Oh, it has a cream finish, so it
gets really dirty.
That's all that.
Yeah.
It's almost white.
So it's 500 four, $184 and
expected to be on shelves by
June 11th.
Where every man can get his
purse.
Every man can get his purse.
Well, Byron.
'S going to buy one.
I'd like to see a Byron.
Would love this.
Byron.
We should send him one.
Yeah, Byron's a huge one.
Put post on your cigars in it
and send it to Byron Eagle.
Byron.
There you go, Byron.
Here's 11.
Only good for 45 days.
You're going to need to smoke
some cigars and chill a little
bit.
Right?
All right, Quesadas, Oktoberfest
is shipping in September.
OK.
This is the eighth year in a row
that they've put this cigarra.
They've never changed the blend.
It is basically the same cigar
every year.
Every year.
Every year?
Oh no, 15th year.
Sorry, 15.
Yeah.
It did seem kind of light to me
because I remember the cigar for
a while now.
So Quesada Cigars were released,
a limited edition cigar named
after the annual beer festival.
Is it really limited if I could
have bought it last year too?
Yes.
How many they produce doesn't
matter.
They produce the same one next
year.
Is it the same size?
Yes, all the same sizes.
All they do is put a new date
code on it.
So then it's a new cigar.
It's.
Yeah, it's limited how many they
produce.
Hold on.
Let's find out.
Oh, see, that's why it is the
8th consecutive year that
Oktoberfest has used this blend.
OK, so they put in a cigar for
15 years.
The last eight, they phoned it
in and just go, oh, maybe it's
just a successful blend.
Buddy, You had one.
No, I had.
They're not successful.
Allegedly.
Allegedly.
Harden the paint today, buddy.
It's the beginning of the week.
You chose violence.
Beginning of the week.
You leave for the PCA soon.
Be careful.
You guys say that every year the
cigars are being made at the
Tabaco de exportation factory in
Dominican Republic Export.
That's close as I'm going to
get.
Exportation.
OK.
For 2026, the company's
releasing the same 5 Fidolas
that were available for the last
eight years.
That includes 3 core size of
Oktoberfest that are typical
release each year, the Bavarian
Das Boot Uber as well as the Box
Press Kaiser.
Do you think they have to get
Uber's permission to use Uber
name?
I don't think so.
Different industry type thing.
Yeah, I don't.
I don't know what that term
means.
Uber.
Yeah means drive me in your car.
No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't.
I'll look it up.
The 5th cigar in the Salamone
Press Vitola, a double perfecto
with round tapered ends on both
sides with nearly 7 inches long
body and an aggressive box press
in the center.
So compared to last year,
they're raising the price from
anywhere between a dollar and
350 per cigar.
Uber is a prefix meaning over,
above, beyond, or super.
Derived from German.
Yeah, well, it's Oktoberfest.
It's Uber good.
Uber good.
Any statements from Quesada
about that?
Production is limited to 500
boxes.
Yeah, it's not a lot.
Each for total or 500 total.
Production is limited to 500
boxes.
That's all it says.
So it's limited.
It's very limited.
It's probably 500 each.
This will be the last year they
use this blend.
Everybody's gotten tired of it.
OK, Bloody, bloody, bloody,
bloody, allegedly.
Bloody, bloody.
Yes, allegedly.
People are getting tired.
Now it's time for the industry's
favorite game.
What's the score?
Today's cigar, January 3rd,
2026.
Patrick Lagree Cigars.
It's a Costen Rican cigar.
It's a Costen Rican.
It's a Costen Rican.
Costen Rican?
Yes.
The guy who wants the plane
back.
That's how he says it.
The Lampert Ocean Breeze Toro
Grande.
I like the name Patrick.
That's nice.
Patrick, did you want you went?
I went first last time, right?
Yes, you go first. 85. 86 cigar.
Is he Lampert?
Would you like to play Charles?
Just call him Chuck because.
Charles.
I said you all the number,
Charles.
Whatever your favorite number
is.
No, it's OK.
He's he's good.
He's just watching.
He said 13.
He's playing the long game.
Strategy.
So the cigar reviews the Lampert
Ocean Breeze, Toro Grande's from
Costa Rica, Tabacos de Costa
Rica, Ecuador and Habano Rapper
Ecuador, Binder filler,
Nicaraguan, Peru and undisclosed
length 6 1/2 by 56.
It's a round cigar gentleman and
they smoked 3 Phil. 85.
Things are going to do OK, I'm
going to say 89.
This is Charles I'll take. 13
Chuck.
Chuck 13 again.
He's going to be sticking with
13.
The cigar really sucks.
I'm feeling it's 13 holding fast
route #1 In the ocean breeze,
Toro Grande delivers a smooth,
refined experience with
excellent balance.
Notes of cedar light spice in a
subtle making an easy enjoyable
smoke from start to finish.
Phil.
Sounds not good 86.
Sounds not good, 8914, Chuck
said. 14140 He's going up one
yeah.
Flute #2 construction is spot
on, Great draw, even burned,
plenty of smoke output.
The blend feels well thought
out, offering a mellow to medium
profile that still keeps your
attention. 36. 36 thinking. 87.
7. 87. 7789 Chuck 16.
You said 16.
Yeah, going up.
Going up.
Very third clue.
While pleasant, the flavor
profile can feel a bit too
subtle at time.
You did the depth of transitions
that more experienced smokers
might be looking for at this
price point.
Is that the final?
No.
OK, good.
Final thought is next. 85I.
Think he's never played the game
before. 87 Chuck.
What did Chuck say?
27 Oh, really?
Jumping down.
All right, Final thought.
The Lampert.
This is the last clue, Chuck to
see you.
The Lampert.
Ocean Breeze Toro Grande is a
bit of a confounding cigar with
a name like Ocean Breeze that
was somewhat expecting a lighter
area, mellower profile then what
I got.
That's not to say there weren't
moments where I got that profile
and the portion where I started
thinking about having a daiquiri
was almost spot on with what I
have envisioned.
It's funny.
Now they're being funny.
No meditating.
He's sleeping, flip to him.
On the flip side, I certainly
wasn't expecting I'm not allowed
to yawn, but he can actually
take a nap.
I certainly wasn't expecting a
cigar with the roughness and
irritation that was so much part
of the second cigar.
I'd love to have the ability to
take the best moments in the
three cigars and create a single
cigar that shows off the best of
the blend and is up to the level
of construction that each cigar
exhibited.
I'd still suggest giving the
blend a try, but the variance is
these three cigars leaves me
reserved about offering a full
recommendation.
Nah.
Oh, wait.
All the cigars taste like crap,
but if you take less one thing
in each one of them if.
You dock them all together if
you just dock them all together
if you take the three of them,
wrap them together as one cigar.
These are the hardest ones to
really guess because it sounds
like it was good and then all of
a sudden it's like, you know, it
wasn't really good at all it.
Wasn't really good at all.
I really didn't like.
Him and then you're like, is he
going to go 6070 or 80s like?
Couldn't do anything. 79.
Oh my God, what do you want me
to do here?
You want me to go for it or just
want me to?
I'm not telling you.
I just want to.
Do you want me to go for it or
you want me to win?
I want you to pick Chuck's
number.
I can pick a conservative number
and win.
Oh, or I could stretch it a
little bit higher and try and go
for the dub.
Go for the dub.
It's more fun.
I mean, I don't just don't just
beat him.
Win the game.
Well, I win the game if I beat
him.
Yeah, I know, but sometimes I
get a little disappointed when
you guys just try to who does?
I do.
Oh, you get this.
I do.
And you guys just go.
Oh, he said two.
I just have to say 4, right, You
know, because I know it's not
one or three.
But we're usually pretty close,
though we're not.
Off by a while.
Sometimes 85.
Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck,
Chuck, Chuck.
Chuck say.
No, let him guess.
Let him really go.
Chuck, Chuck.
Good, good.
Chuck, come on.
Definitely in the eight.
Yeah, I think he's right there.
All right, So did you look it
up?
No, he doesn't go to halfway.
He only makes guns for a living,
right?
Just throw one out there.
He's going to say 84.
He wins 84.
That's where I was going to go,
but I was OK with 85, yeah.
Well, you didn't, and Chuck did,
and he won well, so neither one
of us won today.
Thanks, Chuck.
That's not that's not how it
works.
That's not how it works, buddy.
You lose.
Yeah, you lose, though.
Yeah, I win.
It's me versus you.
Chuck was just the bonus round.
All right.
Anybody got anything else?
How do you give this cigar an 84
and it didn't?
1/3 of each cigar or 2/3 of each
cigar didn't taste good.
I like the Phil's always
outrageous.
Yeah, he's always upset.
Yeah.
The problem is the guy that
might have given a cigar a 60 or
a 72 might not have been this
gentleman.
Right.
So maybe for him, a terrible
cigar is 84, where for Charlie,
a terrible cigar is 72.
Well, but he he thinks that
Charlie's the nicest.
Which, yeah, he is pretty nice.
I think he's the most critical.
He is the most.
Critical This cigar got AB for
not being good.
This is not an ABCD type thing.
Yeah, it doesn't work.
OK, it's 16 away from 100.
There you go.
Yeah, that's crazy.
It wasn't terrible.
They were.
There were things in each cigar
that he liked, just not the
entire cigar.
So it didn't get in the 90s Doo
Doo Doo.
Doo Who makes Lampert's cigars?
Who was who was it?
Some factory in Costa Rica.
Yeah.
All right.
Anything else to add?
Unless we want to announce
what's gonna happen tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
It's when I think when this is
going on, we'll probably this
will be Monday, it'll be too
late.
So it depends on what time they
watch the show.
If they watch the show early,
when we record, we'll go
Facebook Live on what's the
score?
So I was talking about.
Saturday morning, yeah.
Are we doing this?
So we're doing both of these
things.
Well, I'll start doing it
tomorrow.
It'll just be a small one
because we only did the front
end of two days.
So we hope everybody likes enjoy
the Saturday morning.
Everybody enjoy the.
Yeah, enjoy the Saturday morning
cartoon.
But you can't call it Saturday
morning bloopers or something.
I can't call it cartoons.
I think it'd be funny, but.
Well, it should be based more on
what it's called.
What you what it is.
Saturday morning bloopers sounds
better.
Yeah, but from the old days when
guys my age, we'd get up to
watch Saturday morning cartoons.
Yeah, but wouldn't be excited
and get up and watch.
Not having something on Saturday
is a complaint I've heard from
people.
All right, so Saturday morning
bloopers.
Saturday morning smoke.
I'm going with cartoons.
You want other people to find
it.
They're not looking for
cartoons.
If you type in cartoons, it
doesn't make cigar Hustler
Podcast will be the name that
we're looking for Saturday
morning.
So you think people are looking
for bloopers?
This is when the domestic
violence happens right here.
Because we just announced it on
the show.
Well, if we announce cartoons,
are we looking for cartoons?
You put cartoons, I'm changing
it.
All right, Tom, Jerry, settle
down.
I hate it when mom and dad that
your mask up over there,
sweetheart.
Wow.
I hate it when mom and dad.
Sounds like a thing Byron would
say.
All right.
Hey, I don't know if there's any
of these left.
How many, how many did you make?
How many are you going to make?
I don't know the number.
There's one left.
I think that there's, I think
that maybe I may produce 10
films or something like that.
So ten of them, right?
So one on Mikey's body is $200.
Jump on chpod.com.
It's a little stretch though.
They like that.
It's a schmedium.
Jump on chpod.com and get your
master Blender shirt.
Thank you.
Like and subscribe.
We're reviewing or listening.
Thank you very much.
Bye bye.
Show Notes
Wigs, Space Pee Pee, Pooh Shiesty and Juan Lopez We’ve Got Us A Show!
On today’s show “No Drag Shows Allowed except the one my husband is in?” , Artemis II you can now do #1, and If someone named “Pooh Shieisty” invites you to a meeting don’t go! Then cigars Gurkhas has finally run out of swag so here is our newest cigar!, I keep my cigars in my purse?
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https://calendly.com/mike-v-0/powstanie-meeting-pca-2026-booth
If You’d Like To Make A Media Appointment Click The Link Below
https://calendly.com/mike-v-0/powstanie-media-meeting-pca-2026-booth-4841