ACHP Episode 522 Tik Tok Famous?
Transcript
Action.
Welcome to a Cigar Hustler
podcast episode 522.
I'm Mike Palmer, your spicy
host, and with me today in
engineering.
Phil, I raced my sperm last
night and lost my guffey.
You're not nice.
Who was he racing against?
He raced his own sperm.
Oh, this is sperm versus sperm.
Sperm versus him.
Oh, sperm versus erase his own.
Sperm erased his own sperm and
lost.
Was it a parlay like money
maker?
He bet on himself.
I.
Don't know, I don't have all the
details.
Did he bet on himself to win and
he lost?
The money makers bet on you to
win.
And you lost.
This What kind of odds were you
giving?
They weren't involved.
They weren't involved.
No, so he just took a personal
bet.
Did you pay yourself for losing?
I have no idea what you're
talking about.
My Co host Mikey.
My wife blames me for her
cramps.
Stefan Kevitch.
Wow.
She doesn't blame me for her
cramps.
That's.
Not what she told me.
Oh yeah, you guys have private
conversations?
We have morning Zoom calls.
I told you yesterday we plan out
your WE.
On this earth.
Wait, is this the destruction
episode?
No, we have to schedule him.
He can't keep track of things
himself.
On today's show, we have a
divorce that has the husband
asking for just a bit too much.
JP Morgan executive and a little
brown boy make the news.
Oh God, there's a new Oreo.
That's her term, not mine.
A new Oreo cookie.
Can't they leave Brittany alone?
The poor thing?
Teens take a social media prank
too far.
And finally, we have $1,000,000
prostitute as a substitute in
Lake County. $1,000,000.
And then we have a double.
What's the score?
But first, Mikey, how do we get
a long description of Chapter
Pod swag and read many many
comments?
What you want to do is check out
chapter pod.com where we have
all of our chapter pod swag.
What do you think should be our
next piece?
I'm going to do the I think I'm
going to do the blue shirt for
July the the BDP.
BDP for the July shirt.
What about you?
Got to work on the Patreon
shirt.
I need that.
Yes, Mr. Ken Miller, if you're
watching, Sir, we're putting
your package.
Together.
Yeah.
We're we want to do a special
shirt.
Apex listener, yes.
Yes, but you have to make it.
Yeah, yeah.
OK, I'm going to do that.
All right.
Damn, I should have did that
today.
What?
Was that day before yesterday?
I'm going to do that for you.
I'm going to make it Apex.
Hope it doesn't turn out like
the beanies.
Here's what I'm going to do.
TT money, T money.
Send me an Apex listener
Patriot.
Oh, now you have the listeners
doing the graphics.
Team money's my guy.
I'm a your man.
Make him do the work.
Why it makes us all better.
No it doesn't.
Yes it is.
No it doesn't.
How does it make me better if he
does your work?
Because you don't have to do it.
I don't.
I'm not doing that.
I'm not in charge of the
clothing line, that's the area
of the show I really have no
input in now.
It's all about the synergy,
Palmer.
We're Better Together.
So now we're going to add
another unpaid employee to this
unpaid employee.
Welcome T money to the
unemployed, the paid
unemployment.
To the company.
Of chapter pod.
He just likes to send me images.
What's the problem with that?
Nothing.
He sends you and now you're at.
Yeah, but I don't ask for
specific images.
There could be a problem with
specific images.
OK, well, we'll see if it's a
problem, if it's a problem not.
A problem for him I'm sure.
He just knocked.
It out.
Oh, so there you go.
So I just gave him something to
do to make him feel more
included.
He's happy.
No, he's not very upset.
You're on his list.
You said he doesn't know what?
He's doing no he, no he
comments.
And I'm not on his list.
Can you read the comments by the
way?
I will be able to read the
comments in one second, like and
subscribe you.
Went Phil to read the comments.
Wherever viewing or listening
this podcast, I was thinking
about maybe doing like a laser
at Yeti, like a like a oh.
We have somebody working on
that.
Yeah, we keep flirting with the
idea.
I just haven't decided on what
the concept is that we're going
to put it on.
Maybe we do the bear, I don't
know.
Oh, I have someone who's made
one.
Oh really?
Yes, it's already been made.
Well, the test 1 was done.
It's not ideally located on the
Yeti thing.
That would be a good idea.
Yeah.
So maybe we do that for our next
merge drop.
OK, some comments please.
Would you like to hear some
comments?
Indulge yourself.
Please read the comments.
There must be all comments about
me in part.
Or or does T Money need to read
the comments?
T Money would like to call in
and read the comments.
Please go ahead.
You know, people don't like,
don't appreciate your aggression
and you're never getting a 13
knife.
There's other people that make
knives.
I don't need his.
Knives.
That's not Roberts.
You know, I'm a nice person.
I don't know why I haven't
gotten 1.
You're not getting a knife.
Wow, you don't ask for You can
buy them, go buy them.
Oh, by the way, somebody tried
to find 13 knives.com.
What is the website?
Because that's not the.
Website.
I have no idea.
Way to promote your friend.
Go check him out on Instagram.
Just saying somebody reached
out, they wanted to buy one and
they said they went to that and
it comes up to some kind of
restaurant in some state.
OK, give me that guy's
information and I'll get him the
link.
OK, name is Paul Corlson.
You know how to reach him.
Corlson.
Carlson, whatever his last name
is my friend Paul, I call him.
OK.
All right.
Why are you so angry then?
At Jace 1911 so it's the water
with a packet that put the the
life into Palmer keep his cup
refilled.
Oh, he's hitting it that Corey
Davis says I'm just here for the
sparklers.
Thank you, Corey. 215 Inc.
If they work.
Love the pyrotechnics.
Possibly the only podcast
anywhere that has that that's.
Right.
Yeah, that's true #1.
Dave, we need a smoke machine.
You still got a smoke machine?
I have access to a smoke.
Machine at David Hoffman.
What are you going to do with
that?
Just going.
To it sets off when the
fireworks go off.
You already can't see me at
David, Hoffman says.
I love how film mixes up stories
and thinks the sperm race is a
movie.
Yeah, it's on Netflix.
You could subscribe. 215 ain't
going to hit you again here
because you wrote this may be
the funniest episode you guys
ever did.
Penguins have gold teeth at Data
Cash, 2004 says.
Wow, I like the spicy Palmer
even though he claims to not
like the spice.
Yeah.
At real Smoke, Pot says Nope, no
knife for Palmer.
He didn't even know he was
talking not.
The only one who makes knives.
He he was talking to and what we
were talking about.
I'll get a knife.
I'll get a knife.
All right, if you want to hear
your comment on the show,
comment below and we may read it
out loud.
We need to pick a winner.
Winner winner.
Still not ready I guess, huh?
We're.
Going to do it right now.
Chicken dinner.
Pick a number one through 67.
67. 67.
OK, you want to lower.
No, that's it.
Got to count.
To 67 now.
Now we're here.
We're here now.
You did it come in two. 123.
And just go to last.
167891011121314151617181924 all
I got to stop there, stop there.
25 to six to seven, three to
9:30 I want up up 313233 He did
it, not me 3435. 36 in the
audience today, ladies and
gentlemen, Mr. Chet Hatwell.
4041.
Hello, Chet. 42 four 4546474849
You're an asshole.
Oh, you, she just said one
through 10. 95051234 short
shorts.
See, this is what we 5. 6.
All the time.
I don't understand if you had to
set up on a nice little.
Piece of paper where they were.
Numbered like you used to do.
We could just jump right to.
The end I got your winner.
Who is it?
Hold on, we're back.
Your winner is at CW686383.
Chris, Chad Weiss,
congratulations.
You got that?
And we're going to reach out to
you.
I'm going to do that at the
other Black Hat for you as well.
It was over in Lady Lake.
Yeah, so I got.
One for you.
Congratulations, you are the
winner of the winged Hazar hat.
And you're welcome.
What's that?
And you're welcome.
Oh, and because Phil picked the
number.
Oh, I couldn't understand why he
was being rude.
We'll probably do another
giveaway I got.
We got a couple of knuckle
sandwich hats and stuff too.
Oh.
I've got a lighter cutter set
I'll give up, still brand new in
a box at home.
Yeah, I mean, what the hell?
These things are just hanging
around here.
Let's.
Yeah, they do.
I'll never.
Use it.
Let's take care of our people.
You got it.
So comment below and you might
be, you might win something, I
don't know.
Sounds like fun.
What do you think, Phil?
Yeah, and then join the Patreon.
Yeah, you're right.
Thanks.
Check out our Patreon at
patreon.com, a Cigar Hustlers
podcast where if you buy for the
entire year, you're going to get
10% off for the entire year.
I went through an answer to
every comment.
Today, did you?
Yes.
Awesome.
Was that why you're so tired?
No, but they're commenting more.
They're commenting more.
That means they're growing.
They're growing.
No, it's the same people.
Yeah, OK.
But that's how it goes, right?
All right.
So yeah.
And yeah, if you take that elite
one, you're going to get a
special shirt, right Apex
listener?
Apex listener as soon as T money
does the work.
Ken Miller is the Apex listener.
Yes, and that's all I have, I
think like and subscribe
comments.
Hopefully you have a video
later.
I do have a video.
The long video.
It is kind of long.
I should, I actually cut it
short because I thought it was
too long.
But it's a good video.
It's a good controversial video,
yeah.
All right, a man shocked a
divorce court after asking for
his kidney back during the
proceedings several years into
the wedding.
She needed a kidney.
He donated.
Now he wants it back.
Well, she's done with him.
Yeah, they're getting divorced.
That should have been a clause.
He should have brought it up in
the beginning because now it's
considered a gift, correct?
Can't get it back.
Yeah, you said it worked that
out.
Boots, what's one of the most
unusual things that you asked to
keep or ask for when you got
divorced?
Not the dogs that much.
Not the cat.
Not the dog, not the cat.
Well, though that's what the
current 1.
He didn't.
No, the dogs in the second one
was definitely not the first
one.
Just any of them.
Pick one.
Of them.
So you fought for the dogs in
the second one?
Yeah, you did.
Did you get the dogs?
Yeah, OK.
Yeah, the first one, I didn't
really ask for anything because
I was in boot camp or I just
graduated boot camp when I was
far away.
So there was I didn't really
have anything with her.
I'd gotten rid of everything
before I left.
What about you?
On the year because we had
alternating birthdays every
other year you got him for his
birthday.
On the year that I got him for
his birthday, she could not
celebrate before the birthday.
Who ex-wife?
Are you?
Are you to?
Celebrate the son's birthday.
OK, OK.
I mean, you didn't really like
the birth of the year, I sorry.
I.
Could Maybe it was the parrot?
How the hell should I know?
Well, because I I didn't have a.
Parrot.
I get the parrot you, you had
like, you were like Ace Ventura.
You had goats and chickens.
I was.
With the second one and we got
rid of all the.
I can't keep up with your bevy
of wives.
What the fuck you want from me?
I don't.
Know I thought you were my
friend why can't you keep it
there's only been three it's not
like there's.
I am, but all of them are posts.
I keep up with all of your
children.
All of them are pre Palmer
Stephon Kevitch relationship.
So you should still.
Know, I know the one.
I know all your old friends.
My old friends.
Yeah, well, tell me an old
friend.
John.
John's not an old friend, he's a
current friend.
Well, he's still your friend
now, but he's from me.
Are they currently your wives
now?
They're my ex wives.
Exactly.
Am I still part of a wife?
They are not in your life at
all.
Well, it's because the kids are
over 18 exactly.
But when I met you, they
weren't.
No, they weren't.
Still weren't in your life?
Well, they're going to be in his
life if they ever get.
Married.
You didn't deal with your wives.
Who gets married?
Your kids.
Oh.
What is wrong with you?
Well, I mean, most of them are.
Most of them are married now,
actually.
All but one.
Connor.
The best one?
Yeah, the best one.
He is the best one.
So anyway, he calls.
Him every day.
Yeah, he's a good, he's a good
guy.
On the day on the years I did
not have Jake, my son for his
birthday, I had in the agreement
that she cannot celebrate the
birthday prior to me celebrating
the birthday on his birthday.
Oh, because she would slide that
to try and get.
Yeah.
And before that she she would
slide that in and then that
ruins the birthday.
Yeah, it's a Dick move, right?
I'm going to celebrate before.
It was like, well it's stupid
what you doing, So I explained
it to him.
I like because she will
celebrate it beforehand and then
I lose the pop for the birthday
right?
And you want to celebrate.
Right.
I want him to be excited about
the birthday night.
Oh, I did this last week with
you, right?
Yeah, that's awesome.
That reminds me of yesterday.
I had a conversation with
Justice because he had a rough
day.
Yeah, Fulani broke my TV.
Which one?
But didn't you break his TV?
He broke the one the 85 incher
he was playing with his buddy.
He threw a key chain at it and
he cracked.
No, I broke Jax's TV.
Jax's TV.
So did you go break Justice
Steven?
What did you break?
Justice Steven?
No, no, no.
It was an accident.
Yeah, but still, I mean.
I mean, look, an eye for an eye,
that's what it works.
No, no, no.
That's not how you do things.
That's not how I do things.
I mean, you know, and then he he
had a rough day.
So after practice he's like, I
don't want to do football with
you.
I don't want to do Winter Park
flag football anymore.
I said, OK, we can stop.
I'm like, why do you want to
stop?
And like, again, this is an
emotionally unstable day for
him, right?
He goes, because we're never
going to win a championship.
And I said, OK, we might not win
a championship.
Do you think that's why I'm out
here?
And he says no, so OK, well, why
am I out here?
And he's like, I don't know.
I said I'm out here because I
get to do this with you.
I don't care if we win or we
lose, we're going to keep
working.
Like, like, I don't want anybody
to steal that from me, right?
Like if you want to go and do
sports with somebody else, then
I don't get to be there every
hour on the hour for those
things, right?
So that's what made me think of
that.
When you're like, you don't get
to, you don't get to take that.
Like no, like, OK, if you want
to be done here, that's fine.
But like, I'm not going
anywhere.
I'm not going anywhere.
So, you know, we're going to
celebrate, we're going to do
things together.
So is he not playing anymore?
Oh, I think he's, I think he's
still in.
I just think that he had a he.
Had a rough day.
Yeah, he was mad that he broke
the TV.
His friend was giving him a hard
time about it and that made it
worse.
So all that good.
Stuff you get Mr. Preston to
coach.
No, no.
If you want to win daddy, you'll
get Mr. Preston to coach you.
No, you know he like.
Palmer knows nothing about
sports and it was funny he made
that comment.
Justice is not the kid that
wants it like he he doesn't.
It takes a lot of hard work,
right?
And a lot of encouragement.
OK, keep going, keep working,
keep working, you know, to to
develop to a level where you're
going to be a phenom in any of
these sports.
And Justice doesn't want that.
Justice just wants to have fun.
So I'm not the dad.
Yeah, he likes the camaraderie,
not the the yeah he wants.
To be with his friends, he wants
to have a good time, whatever.
I'm not the dad to force him
saying we got to win, but like
that's not me, you know?
Like I want you to understand
you got to work hard.
I want you to understand that
you know that anything that's
worth it in life is not easy to
do right.
And I want you to enjoy the
process.
I want you to have fun.
So, so he doesn't, you know,
like where Jack's on the other
hand, will go in and do all the
extra stuff, right?
He'll go spend 30 minutes taking
shots.
He'll go, you know, he's willing
to work out or do all these
other things justice.
May want to weight train because
I want to see how strong I can
get, you know?
But it's not about sports for
him.
So just let's sit you down and
and let's tell you a little
story about a man named Mr. Dan
Marino.
Mr. Who?
Dan Marino, he didn't win no
championships, but he had a
great time.
He did all right.
He was pretty good.
Yeah, he ain't.
He ain't the greatest of all
time, though.
Well, I was just saying like,
you don't have to win a
championship that yeah.
But I parlayed that into a jab
against your.
Belt Yeah, that was a jab.
You liked the Dolphins you were
from.
You're from South?
Florida, I don't like the.
Dolphins.
Well, you're not from South, but
you lived in South.
Florida, I like the Patriots.
No, that's, yeah, that's on
Wednesdays.
I like the Patriots and I like
the Bucks, AFC and NFC.
Palmer, you're going to lose
Palmer here.
Speaking of what?
Sports what?
Speaking of sports, Timberwolves
beat Denver, huh?
Yeah, I can't, but with eight
guys.
Without anybody.
Yeah, it's not on the show.
So you're right.
We're just left feeling we.
Don't do sports anymore, nobody
cares.
Do you think they can beat San
Antonio?
Not the alien man.
Wemby, Yeah.
You think they can beat Wemby?
Well, well, Edwards is out for
the year problem.
He's not going to be in the rest
of the.
Yeah, that's not good.
Do you think they can beat
Wemby?
Palmer, huh?
Think they can beat Wemby?
Think be what, Wemby?
What's that Wemby?
No, no, I'm not saying
everything, Sharon.
Make me say something stupid.
Again.
Well, again, they beat Wemby.
I have no idea.
Wemby Yama?
No.
You know who Wemby Yama is?
No idea.
Just go to ESPN and look at the
guy that's four feet taller than
everybody else is playing
basketball as an exaggeration,
but he's tall.
He made Draymond Green look like
a baby.
Yeah, his, his name sounds like
he's from somewhere else, but
he's really from France.
Sounds French.
That name sounds French, Do you?
Like croissant?
Like Patois, French.
Or.
Croissant, Wimby.
You want a Wausau.
You want a wimby croissant with
icing?
He's pretty good.
I'm sure that song with icing
would be delicious.
OK anyways.
Anyway, anybody want to be an
unpaid intern at JP Morgan?
Oh, we love jobs that don't pay,
so sure.
The JP Morgan executive
identified as Lorna.
I don't know how you say.
Her last name has been named in
a sexual harassment and a racial
abuse lawsuit by a junior male
employee.
The lawsuit alleges that besides
the sexual advances, she drugged
him with date rape drugs.
This is a man.
This is a man.
No, the woman drug the man.
There's a woman and she's an
attractive woman.
He told.
Yes.
It already sounds like bullshit,
doesn't it?
Yeah.
The plaintiff also has
complained that the American
banking giant enabled the abuse.
He went and told and they went.
You're making this up.
No it's fine.
The complaint was filed this
past Monday so this is all new
news.
I was sentenced by 4 listeners
and I already found it myself.
OK.
So it's a good story in the New
York Supreme Court by the
plaintiff who has chosen to hide
his identity.
He's not.
He just known as Little Brown
Boy.
That was her term for.
Him, his identity is already
out, but go ahead.
Oh, is it out now?
Maybe his identity of something
else?
The unidentified junior employee
at the reputed banking institute
has claimed that his senior
Lorna drugged him, subjected him
to racial abuse and even
threatened his career when he
refused her advances.
Know who has been described as
an Asian man?
Outlines of various instances of
unwanted sexual advances and
abuse.
In one such instance, as
reported by the Daily Mail, she
dropped her pen on the floor
next to his desk and, while
bending to pick it up, rubbed
his leg and squeeze his calf.
OK.
And then said, great, you did
play basketball in college.
Whoa, a little Asian?
I love basketball players, They
make me so wet.
Wow, that's what she said.
That's what it says, allegedly
in the.
As was the alleged.
Allegations.
Yes, from then on the abuse
progressed, alleges Doe.
He states at one time she
invited him out for drinks but
refused and then she allegedly
said if you don't F me soon I'm
going to ruin you and never
forget I effing own you.
Really.
And then also, this just goes
on.
He also alleges that she
propositioned him for oral sex.
In one such situation, she's
accused of saying birthday BJ
for the little brown boy.
My little brown boy.
He's Asian.
He's Asian, OK.
No, you think he's Asian?
Like he's just not more as
Asian.
Yeah, if he's I'm gonna assume
the later they they refer to him
as Indian, so I assume it's
where the brown.
A little more accurate.
Yeah, so.
So if she was, yeah, she was
calling him Asian.
Let me know when you're done
with the story so I can engage.
Go ahead, I'm waiting.
Oh.
No, I mean, I can keep reading.
There's more stuff that she
allegedly did.
Go ahead, keep going.
Read on.
The man claims his complaint
that she even admitted to
drugging him using date rape
drugs on numerous occasions.
During one encounter, she
allegedly berated him because he
cried while she performed a sex
act on him against his will.
Against his will.
Against his will, cried.
He cried.
He's also been She's also been
accused of showing up at his
house uninvited, but that wasn't
it.
She then allegedly removed her
shirt, begin fondling herself
and racially insulted his wife,
remarking I bet your little
Asian fish head wife doesn't
have these cannons.
That sounds like something a
woman.
Cannons.
They're big if you look at
these.
Cannons.
OK.
He then claimed to try to rebuff
each and every one of her sexual
advances but she always got her
way by using her position of
power.
In one instance, she's accused
of saying I have to own you, I
will make you pay.
Do you think you're going to be
in good standing if you do not
have me in your corner?
You really think management want
some brown boy Indian leading
organizations?
That's where they refer to him
as Indians.
So if you don't F my brains out
tonight, I'm going to sabotage
your promotion.
Apparently he tried to quit,
find another job and she gave
him a bad review or bad Rep or
whatever it's called.
And so I did read this morning
that they JP Morgan's claiming
that it never happened, that he
was just trying to somehow
discredit the girl.
In one Muslim.
I don't know.
OK.
Do you think that this sounds at
all believable?
Let me ask you, Phil.
I mean, I think she definitely
did all this stuff.
You think she did?
I don't think it was against his
will.
You think she did?
You think she said, oh, these
cannons?
You think she used the term?
She said, oh, I like you.
I love basketball players.
Well, maybe maybe she didn't use
some of those words, but I think
what happened because he said he
was married, OK.
I think what happened is his
wife found out and now he's
walked it back.
OK, so you think that he got
caught in adultery?
Yeah, and he's saying, oh wait,
I didn't really want.
That I was raped.
Yeah, I was raped.
I was raped.
I cried.
So that's what you think?
Yeah.
OK, it's all against my will, I
cried.
OK, what about you?
The Canon thing seems a little
far fetched.
It's a little.
I never thought of his angle
that that, Phil said.
I mean that is possible.
That he got busted.
He got busted by his fish head
wife and.
A legend fish head alleged fish
head wife.
So you go.
She made.
She made me do it.
She made me do it.
She drugged me.
She drugged me.
I could not open it.
I You're not.
Going to believe this, you're
not going to believe this, she
said.
My bitch, your bitch have a wife
who won't have sex with you
ever.
And I quote.
He said his fish head wife did
not have the cannons.
Right.
I get it.
I'm just making, you know, like,
I'm just saying as a joke, like
he was throwing digs at his
wife, Right.
And in these comments, like, oh,
this is how I can get away with
this.
Yeah.
Unless he's a rather lanky tall
Indian or Asian, they're not
really known for their height,
are they?
That he played basketball.
You know he looks reasonable in
height.
Oh, did you see his picture?
I did.
He looks reasonable in height
from what I could tell.
Right?
But none of this makes sense to
me at all, JP.
Morgan's making no comments
other than saying that it didn't
happen.
Yeah, they're not involved.
Yeah, I got to be honest.
I mean, I'm looking at it from
the cheap seats.
It makes no sense.
It makes no sense whatsoever.
Apparently this woman has an
example.
Like an example.
I can't even speak today.
She's been emancipated.
She has she Yeah, she has great
credentials.
All her colleagues love her.
Apparently she's really good at
what she does, right?
Maybe the other assistants
didn't come forward.
They were scared.
OK, this guy doesn't look like
he's like a major catch, you
know what I mean?
Like, I'm going to bang.
I'm going to hit that.
But maybe it's a power thing for
her.
Not like she thinks, oh he's
really hot.
But I am in a place of power
over this guy and I can make him
do whatever I want.
OK, I'm going to tell you I
don't buy this shit for a
second.
It sounds like this guy is
fucking Looney Tunes.
Like he's off his rocker to come
up with some of these things.
First of all, I couldn't see a
woman speaking in those terms
and specific things.
Cannons.
You can use the term I mean
these cannons like what the?
Cannon seems to be the only
thing though.
I mean, she could rub his calf
and go basketball player.
Oh, you must be a good
basketball player.
You must have played basketball,
not be a good basketball.
You must have played basketball
because of your calves.
I mean.
Basketball players that big.
Cans I've never I didn't see the
picture till now.
And then of her or the guy of.
Both.
And then racial slurs.
Fish head wife.
He has kind of a fish head
himself.
But not a wife.
Yeah, maybe not the.
Wife.
Take a picture of his wife.
Look at his wife.
Fish head, man's wife.
Man's fish head wife.
Whatever the lady, the Canon
lady, she doesn't look like she
would say some things like that.
That's just me.
I'm telling you, dude, this is
going to blowback in this guy's
face because.
He looks kind of like Woody.
I'm willing to bet.
For Toy Story.
Not Woody from Cheers.
No Woody for Toy Story.
You better pop up his image
during those during.
Those during.
YouTube and then give him the
woody hat.
Yeah, please put the hat on, the
woody hat on.
Yeah, that will take you 2
seconds.
JGBT draw this man with the
Woody.
Hat put this man put a put the
Toy Story Woody hat on.
I mean, this guy's first of all,
if this girl was making advances
at him, this guy's, you know,
wow.
Well, that's why he gets wow.
That's my point.
That's why until he got caught,
he was like, I'm all in, you
know, drug me, blow me, whatever
you want to do.
No, I don't I.
Show you how I bang you.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Yeah, let's show you how we do
it in India I.
Don't I don't even.
I know the Kamasutra.
Like, I'm willing about.
I'm willing about.
He has no accent, just for the
record.
Yeah, he doesn't look like. 42
We don't know.
Yeah, no, you want to know what
the thing to me, I think that he
had he had these crazy fantasies
about his boss and.
Yeah, probably.
Right.
And his wife found his diary.
What?
His wife found his diary.
Something came up, yeah,
something tacky came up and then
like and then he went hard in
the paint and over embellished.
All of this today.
She dropped her pin.
You're not going to believe.
This brushed up against my leg,
right?
I saw the cannons.
And that brings me to the real
question is do these people
really need interns, interns or
whatever they're called like
assistance because.
I would imagine a lady of her
level has an assistant of some.
Sort.
But like, you know, with he
obviously has downtime if he's
coming up with all this stuff,
is my point.
You know, we could replace this
guy today with ChatGPT.
He's out the door.
Yeah, but ChatGPT is not going
to fetch your coffee.
For her, well, you know.
We're not going to be taken out
to dinner and take date.
Drug, we're like 3 or 4 years
away from that.
You know, I'm great at getting
coffee.
You know, great at getting
coffee.
Would you like tea?
To answer your question back
from earlier, Paul, yes, I'd
love to have the job.
JP Morgan, yeah.
There's guys lining up right now
to apply to look at this.
Look at this lady, they're all
applying.
I will clock in and you can talk
down to me all day, don't have
to.
Pay me at all?
That's what they're saying.
That's what they're saying.
I.
Want to see my calf?
Look at my calf.
It's like this.
There's guys doing toe lifts.
Now.
I play basketball interview.
Today's my day.
Today's my day.
I play basketball just outside,
not inside.
I'm playing basketball.
I can do the voice if it's the
voice that you.
Like, yeah, you like the voice
you.
Like the voice, my wife's ugly.
I trust me, I don't care A.
Little Piratish.
I like cannons, yeah.
I like cannons.
Yeah, dude.
I will bet.
I hope it.
You're probably right, but I
hope it comes out that it's
true.
It would be.
It would be a.
Much better story.
That she's this crazy lunatic.
Crazy, horrible lunatic like
Jennifer Aniston, the dentist in
the.
You know, I was thinking that.
Horrible Bosses.
Horrible bosses, right?
She's like that.
But see, this is like that
situation.
Like why would you not go for
Jennifer Aniston?
Because that guy was married
too.
Wasn't he in the movie?
I don't remember.
Maybe that's probably half the
thrill for the girl that the
guy's married.
Nah, get him in a gene on his
right.
Break him, man.
Give him right now.
It's.
Jenna Grant is them.
I mean, she would drug him in
the movie.
She'd give him nitrous.
From the nitrous.
Well, if she can break him,
that's not really a man, you
know what I mean?
Like, get back the fuck up, you
know?
I'll be faced on my wife.
Tell her.
Tell her.
You say she's going to kill us
both.
You back off or I will walk it,
and both of you.
I hope by next Monday it comes
out she's been disgraced and
she's been let go.
JP Morgan writes a letter of
apology, pays his man a large
sum of money.
You want all that?
Yes, it's a much better story if
it's true than if he made it up.
It's so not true.
Then it becomes a movie.
It's so not.
True, it's great if he makes it
up.
It's no, it's better if it's.
True.
I'm going to tell you right now
there's there's no way.
That this If it's true, JP
Morgan is disgraced, she's
disgraced.
If it's not true, it's just the
guy and his fish head wife.
Yeah, but OK.
But now, could you imagine?
Hold on.
Wait a second.
Wait.
Like, but like, think about this
for a second.
Can you imagine being this
woman?
She's worked her ass off her
entire life?
What?
I could not imagine.
You could imagine.
I I know you have.
Yeah, I could probably.
Imagine a woman right now.
You worked your ass off.
Cannons.
You've worked your ass off your
entire life.
You got to this position.
JP Morgan is probably not the
easiest to get into, right?
Well she's date raping people
and blowing people.
I don't think she got to the
position.
Right, that's not that's not
accurate.
I'm just saying my story.
So then let me say my fucking
perspective.
OK, so she did the right thing.
She worked her ass off.
This whole time you come across
this asshole and he tries to
tear you down in a whim, right?
Like that sucks.
Did you see her LinkedIn photo?
No.
Send it to me.
She's crossed her arm.
She has this very low cut top on
with her suit.
Yeah, she's crossed her arms
underneath and she's lifting her
boobs up and the angles from
down there up, and it makes her
boobs look huge.
In the photo, OK.
Mccannons.
And.
Well, I sent a professional
photo.
Was professionally done.
Which is professionally done,
but it's not so we're.
Going to analyze the
professionalism of a photo and
then determine.
Just another piece of the puzzle
I.
No, no, that's not a piece of
the puzzle.
That's that's irrelevant.
That's irrelevant.
I like that's like taking a
snippet of something that
somebody said and and mapping
out who they are in that 5
second clip.
And you know what?
That's.
You mean like cooped?
It does.
Like that's what exact, Well,
not that, but that that's what I
see all the time on social
media.
Somebody sees a 10 second clip
and they decide exactly who that
person is and say, wait a
second, there's a whole life
there.
You have no idea who this person
is.
This is something that was said
on a small fragment of time and
you don't even know the context.
I mean, we, I had somebody come
after me recently on one of our
shorts.
I'm like, if you go back and
just listen to the show, it will
make a lot more sense before you
kind of get all uppity here,
right?
Like, calm down, take a second
what?
Is it the beard guy?
I have no idea.
I don't remember it was.
It was something and I wrote
nicely like hey.
Thanks for listening.
Yeah, thank you for listening.
If you go and you check out the
show, you'll have a better
picture of what we're talking
about, right?
But that's not what people do.
Instead, you're going to judge a
person on a profile picture on a
LinkedIn page.
It's like, yeah, what are we
doing?
Well, and and.
Being judgy.
Well, yeah, exactly.
That's it.
Just because she's pretty and
she's proud of her body or
whatever.
It's not like she's done a
fucking bikini or something.
You know what?
I.
Mean.
Yeah, then then it would be.
Pink.
Oh yeah, I don't believe you.
Does she have an only fans?
I can tell when you lie.
I don't know.
Oh no, you.
Can't.
I thought you would do some deep
research for you.
I feel like I've gotten better
at it.
I'm more cautious now.
Yeah.
All right, next story, it's
bullshit.
I'm going to tell you I'm
calling bullshit.
But we'll follow this story.
We'll keep you updated.
We you mean me?
Yeah, that's what I mean.
When we say we, we mean you.
Yeah.
Is there a 52nd sloth that's
done?
No, they all pair to be alive at
the moment.
We're all safe, they're all
good.
Good, now other zoos are putting
their sloths on social media.
I'm like just leave them alone.
Let these 49 have their day.
Let the 51.
Oh, 51 are dead.
Let it's 30.
It's 29 now. 29 is still alive.
Yeah, leave the cuddle alone.
Right.
Leave them.
Oh yeah, the cuddle.
Leave this.
Leave the Orlando cuddle alone.
Oreo's debuting a new cookie.
Sales must be down.
A limited edition Well,
everybody's getting on the 250th
anniversary.
It's all about that.
They're doing a firecracker pop
flavored cookie America, right?
So it's red, white and blue
cream filling to go with the
bomb pops.
You son of a bitch, I'm in.
I'm buying.
I know they look delicious.
They look good, unlike Oreos.
Past Triple Stuff Cookies, a new
firecracker Pop Oreos features
three different flavors of cream
in the sandwich.
No way.
Flavors.
Yes, three different flavors.
What is it?
What do you think?
I didn't say any flavors.
Strawberry.
Vanilla Blueberry.
Blueberry, Raspberry flavored
blue cream, Lemon flavored white
cream, and cherry flavored red
cream stacked in the same iconic
order as the Bomb Pop.
America.
So the triple stuffed
firecracker Pop Oreos hit
retailer shelves nationwide
beginning May 4th at this
weekend.
Everybody tried to get so we can
get money here.
So we're all trying to buy this
for you. 3 sleeves.
We just need 3 cookies.
He can buy them for his family
and just bring in three cookies.
You know his problem with
cookies?
I know, that's why I'm trying to
just get.
Three my problem with cookies.
Yeah, didn't you cheat on?
You cheated on Jesus.
With your cookies?
Yeah, I.
Remember.
Didn't you eat Sugar Jesus
cookies before the Easter?
No dummy, it was the Donuts.
Oh, that's right.
Don't call me dummy.
He said it.
Well, it's the same thing first
of all, just without a.
Hole Donuts.
Like a I did a jump to you real
quick.
Are you on you right now?
Sure.
OK, are you really on you Maybe
don't lie to me.
Turn on the screen.
I'm not turning.
On the screen.
I will twist your head off and
put the screen up.
OK, now the audience can.
See are you going to push a
button?
Go back to you, let's give him a
good look.
OK?
I'm the one that has problems
with cookies.
Wow.
See, that's what happens when
you come for me.
He called you chubby.
That's what happens when you
come for me.
You admitted to Jesus.
I didn't do anything to Jesus
with the cookies.
He did to Jesus with the
doughnuts.
I did to Jesus with the
doughnuts, totally different and
they were Krispy Kreme and they
were delicious.
Do you have a sugar problem?
I do.
I do, and I know you like
cookies.
But listen, if I bought, if I
brought the Oreo firecracker
cookies in here, you're going to
tell me you're going to eat 1.
Well, no.
The one.
Well, maybe yeah, because the
flavors sound horrible.
I don't like lemon anything.
I am not a big fan of lemon
either, except lemon candy, but
other than that I don't like
lemon either.
Yeah, like lemon heads I'm cool
with.
Yeah, lemon heads I'm cool with,
but I don't like lemon cooked
fish or something, no.
Lemon cooked fish, yeah.
You know, they put lemon on the
seafood.
Yeah, I don't like them.
OK.
You know, they squeeze it and
it's on the little thing.
Yeah, lemon cream sounds weird.
All right.
Well, it might be good.
Yeah, I'm in.
I want.
I want 2.
I want 2.
Back to me.
You should eat 3 actually so.
If you can guess the number of
Oreo firework cookies that Phil
eats on tomorrow's show, you may
win a knuckle sandwich hat.
Wow, so you got to comment on
this one to guess and it has to
be up before the next show.
On whatever day.
We do that on what does
anything, whatever day we do
that on.
You got a comment, you can't
just say it.
I'm trying not to ruin the
magic.
You always run the magic.
That's your beer, your shirt.
I ruin the magic.
I ruin the magic.
Yeah, Palmer.
Spicy Palmer ruins the magic.
Spicy Palmer ruins the.
Magic.
Yeah, and then put an image of
the.
They're only sold for a limited
time.
Fans are already excited to grab
a pack, with some calling them a
must and saying they look
amazing in an Instagram post by
Snack A.
Later I'm going to buy 3 packs.
3 packs.
Three.
That way you know there's a
plenty here.
Yeah, that's like 120 cookies.
Scary that you know that.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. 4040A pull.
Yeah, there's 40.
There's 40 Oreo cookies a pull.
I think so.
How did you?
It's pretty close.
That's incredible.
I mean, I need Oreos.
That's accurate though.
I have no.
Idea how many Oreos are in a
pack of cookies?
Are you calling Oreo?
There's 4 sleeves.
Oh Oreo hotline. 36 Oh God damn,
that was close.
That was close.
That's pretty impressive dude,
not going to lie.
But and I'm the one with the
cookie problem.
Oh, they like odd numbers. 36
isn't even Yeah.
I got news for you dude, 36 is
not an odd number.
No, I mean like sleeves
OF99182736, right?
No, it's 27. 20 No 91827, then.
So there's 4 sleeves.
This is even funnier now. 9 * 3
Palmer.
Damn sure he's 18.
Yeah, sure.
Oh, no, I'm sorry, I thought you
said six times.
Two, this is great.
I love this. 9 * 3 Paul.
All right, Britney Spears was
charged with a.
Pawn.
So if there were 4 rows of 936,
they would be 36.
However, I don't think that
there are 4 rows. 3 rows, I
think there's three.
Rows.
So if there were only three
rows, Phil, let's do some first
grade math.
How many are going to be in each
row?
12.
Thank you, 12.
The two of you, I wasn't doing
any of it, but he was.
The two of you share one brain
cell.
Between the two of you, 9 * 2 is
37.
What did you say?
What?
You'd be quiet over there.
OK, we're on the next story.
Britney Spears was charged with
driving under the influence of
alcohol and drugs.
Golly, poor Britney.
Surprise, surprise.
First time she's been caught, I
guess.
First time she's done it.
Britney Spears have been charged
with a misdemeanor DUI.
With drugs.
No, Nearly two months after she
was arrested for allegedly
driving erratically on the
Southern California highway, the
Ventura County District Attorney
Office on April 30th announced
it had filed 1 misdemeanor count
of driving under the influence
of any alcohol and drugs.
But it's OK, I have money now.
My dad's gone.
Spears did unlawfully while
under the combination influence
of any alcoholic beverage and
drug drive a vehicle,
prosecutors allege.
Singer will be arraigned in
Ventura County.
Are you with us or are you
going?
To I'm with you are.
You.
Texting Brittany messaging Danny
in person.
County Superior Court on May
4th.
Whether she will attend person
is unknown as her attorneys
permitted to appear on her
behalf.
She doesn't have to be there.
Very important.
Right.
But she has also checked herself
into a rehab center, so that's
probably why she won't.
Be there again.
OK, well, I mean, we let her off
the leash, she lost the.
It did not happen.
Well, her old boyfriend, what's
his name?
He had his driving drunk, so she
wanted to do Justin Timberlake.
Oh no, I think.
But wasn't she like?
Yeah, she shaved her head.
Yeah, it was crazy.
That was a long time ago.
You leave her alone.
No, but they had like a thing
like her dad was in charge of
her.
Yeah, she's on her own.
Yeah, that's what I said She.
Has been emancipated.
Now she's loose.
Been emancipated many words as
often as I can now.
She's running rampant and wet.
Yeah, she's driving around,
drinking and driving.
And Cali, is that where she's
at?
Yeah, Southern California.
Isn't everybody drinking,
driving Southern California?
Isn't that a thing over there?
Seem like you're a lot of.
Celebrities.
Yeah.
Aren't there like, no
consequences in California?
Hey, that's why she didn't get
in trouble.
Yeah, she's going to plead
guilty to reckless driving
involving alcohol or drugs, also
known as wet reckless.
OK, I'm sure she was.
Wow, sorry.
Oh geez, look at you with The
Dirty talk.
Over there, you're the one with
the story of JP Cannon girl.
That was a legit news story.
I didn't make that up.
I can't make the news.
I.
Just I mean, I mean, I looked it
up and it was everywhere, but it
does look a little, I mean her.
That's crazy.
Funny part is, I've got a lot of
people tell me they.
Get all their news from me.
Ain't that ridiculous?
You're not the only one.
I love it.
Both people, you're the. #1
media source in the world.
Apparently.
People need to know about the
Oreo fire.
Crash and the sperm races and
yeah, I mean, these are big.
Stories.
You know what, though?
Here's the thing though.
These are great stories and
they're fun to hear.
I don't need to hear the garbage
that I see.
All right, I never do a death
story.
People send me that stuff like,
no, it's.
So ridiculous.
Nothing depressing.
Or whatever, or you know, like
so and so's racist and all of
this crap and whatever.
I'm like, Oh my God, give it a
rest.
I don't, you know, like.
There was a lady arrested the
other day for doing videos where
they're burning monkeys.
That's.
Terrible.
I'm not doing that story.
That's terrible.
I'm not covering that that.
Doesn't sound like fun, no?
I thought you were into animal
stories.
I did one thing about the sloths
and we followed it until the.
End If it's funny, yeah.
Well, that wasn't funny.
They died.
It was sick.
It still is kind of humorous.
Some guy was, you know, building
like a.
Sloth World of Benjamin Park and
all of a sudden we find out he's
torturing sloths.
And say yeah exactly.
Like for one who the hell builds
sloth world?
Like who gave?
There isn't one.
Nobody has.
One right Who greenlit that
idea?
Probably the tiger guy who has
the fish.
And Wildlife gave him a permit.
Nothing frustrates me more than
dumb people having more money
than me.
I'm like what?
There's a lot of them.
I'm like how?
But how well?
Cocaine.
So if she gets found guilty,
she'll get 12 months of
probation in which she's
required to complete a DUI class
and pay state mandated fine and
feed.
Oh, California.
They're probably a lot.
It's at least $7,000,000, yeah.
I would guess it's gonna be like
9.
It's gonna be like 2250.
They gave 30 billion on the
homeless and their homeless went
up.
Yeah, well, everybody wants to
be homeless.
Apparently it's anything barely
pays well.
It's a thing to do there.
Pays well, right?
Pays well, Billion dollars.
I wonder who bank?
I wonder who bank account those
went to?
The Arnold Schwarzenegger.
He's not over there.
In Georgia, California.
Isn't he the governor?
Governor.
I thought he was back in
Austria.
He's not the governor anymore.
Does Heila?
Did you, did he move back to
Austria?
He's got a house in Austria.
Well, yeah, I mean he has to
for.
I mean, he's, he's a big guy.
He's probably got houses
everywhere.
Probably.
He probably, though, he probably
lives in Florida, you know, Nah,
he lives in.
California.
Oh yeah, a lot of people moving
out of California because the
taxes Texas.
Texas.
Yeah, Texas.
No taxes, not Texas.
No, that's probably where he.
Texas.
That's what he's saying.
Yeah, they moved to Texas.
For the taxes, right, Right.
The next door beef.
The next door Uncle Skip.
All right, teens drive a lawn
mower through Target, use a leaf
blower at Culvers, all to become
social media famous.
I knew that that wasn't going to
be about like, hey, let's, this
is a great idea.
This is a great idea.
Did you see the video?
They couldn't even get it
through the door.
They broke the door trying to
get it into the store.
No. 218 year olds facing
criminal charges after a pair of
social media stunts cause
property damage endangered
people, according to the Ocala
Police Department.
Janet Scarsdeck and Luke
Charsky.
In Florida.
Were arrested for disorderly
conduct following an incident
this past Saturday in which
Slarsdeck drove a lawnmower, a
zero turn lawnmower.
What's his last name?
Scarsdeck Star's deck.
Oh, it could be Stepan deck.
SCHSZK.
It's Polish.
Is it DECK or?
SZKARADE.
KA Slavic boys out here running
these streets?
Running streets in Ocala going?
You have a good idea?
Let's drive a lawnmower pops
lawnmower through Target.
This will be good for YouTube.
I mean in Ocala sounds kind of
normal.
They damage the door.
Sharsky recorded the stunt on
camera.
Police say the night before,
they entered the Culver's
restaurant in Southwest College
Rd. and use the leaf blower
inside the building.
They blew ice cream and stuff
everywhere.
SARS Deck faces charges of
criminal mischief, disorderly
conduct for Culver's incident,
as well as separate disorderly
conduct charge for the Target
incident.
We got to build on this
momentum.
Right where we're going.
We're big now.
We got to keep going.
What?
What happened?
Why do you think what happened?
What was the next step?
They blower at Culver's
lawnmower at Target.
What do you go?
Where do you go from there,
Phil?
They break the ice cream machine
at McDonald's.
Something that's probably.
It's already broken.
Something at Walmart, it's got
to be at Walmart.
They're going bigger.
No Trump fix that.
I got news for you.
The the Mcflurries, they're no
longer Mcflurries.
It's just soft ice cream.
They just dump some of the stuff
on top.
Yeah, they're called mix ends.
Yeah, something at Walmart.
I think Walmart would have been
the next move.
What do you what do you drive
into Walmart?
You do CART races down the main
aisle.
That's normal.
We did that, that that's.
Not as bad as the lawn mower.
No.
So they had to trailer it there
or drive it there, right?
I'm telling you, this is a go.
Kart inside Walmart.
Just I don't think we're there.
A cow they bring a live.
Oh, an animal, A farm, A large
animal.
Got to be a large farm animal, a
cow, a horse, a sheep, a goat,
something something of size.
OK, that sounds good.
That's where it would have went.
I think so, I think.
I think so too.
What about what about you, Phil?
Phil.
He's still stuck on the cannon
lady.
You.
Know.
Their ChatGPT and show me her
cannons.
How to get raped at work.
Wow, wow.
How much date raid drug and I
still remember what happens.
Still remember?
Is that going to be a new new
requirement on the?
No.
On the hiring he does.
Have a new employee upstairs.
You know, it's great, though.
There's probably a lot of people
investing their money in JP
Morgan now.
My show's feet down there,
you're getting close to the
camera like.
How are they missing their money
at JP Morgan?
No, I heard, well, I heard that
a lot of investment businesses
like that, that they do money
management or whatever, a lot of
them are not doing well.
Oh yeah, a lot of JP mortgage
customers.
Yeah, that one.
Fooling around all day long.
They're not working anymore.
What's the one that starts with
AEE?
Commerce.
No, Edward.
Is it Edward?
Edward says your name?
No, I'm good at this game.
I like this Merrill.
Lynch.
No, Keep going starts with AE.
Yeah, Edward Jones.
Right.
Say E*Trade, E*Trade E*Trade.
Yeah, Edward Jones.
Edward Jones.
Yeah, I heard they were doing
really bad too.
You got your grass, Edward
Jones.
That's how rich you are.
Yeah.
No, I cut my own grass.
I don't have a big enough yard
now.
I should have had somebody cut
it the other place.
Like I didn't die of a heart
attack.
Yeah, you smoked some of those
number ones.
What's the number one?
From the show.
OK.
Next story Substitute teacher in
Lake Mineola High School was
arrested on Monday after she was
caught acting erratically in
class.
Drugs.
According to the Lake County
Sheriff's Office, in a case
reported deputy said the
incident of sorry happened
around 10:20 AM when a school
resource deputy received a
Centigex staff alert.
Oh, that's the emergency button
they all wear on their neck.
They wear life alerts.
It's kind of like a life alert
when it's so there's a button in
every classroom that they can
hit when they need help, but
when they can't, the button,
they can push this little
medallion around their neck and
it sends a signal.
OK, found a rival to the
classroom.
The deputy found the sub,
identified as Angela Faith
Jordan, yelling incoherently,
stating that they should put her
in prison for life.
That's what she was yelling.
That's what she was yelling.
Investigators say they learned
that before their arrival,
Jordan had been yelling,
slamming her hands on a desk,
making inappropriate statements
at students and twerking in the
classroom.
Who hit the button?
I had to be a teacher in another
room, I guess.
Or maybe she did.
I mean, she wants to be
arrested.
Maybe she hit her own button.
Can't wait to make this a video.
This included telling students
that she would engage in sexual
activity with them and referring
to herself as $1,000,000
prostitute.
Well, you can't really engage
with students that kind of price
point.
Right, they can't afford.
That yeah, that's ridiculous.
Right.
Maybe only the principal?
Maybe she can have samples?
Like Costco?
Yeah.
That's that was hence the
twerking.
The twerking, right?
Right.
Here's what you can get right.
Can you guys pool your money?
All that and more.
Who's got the most lunch money?
Let's see what we can do here.
Taking bids.
Reach out to your parents.
Reach out to your parents.
Yeah, who's got anybody?
Got a trust fund?
What?
What state was this in?
Lake County.
Florida.
Oh.
Florida again.
Florida again.
A lot happens in Florida.
It's funny, the news.
It's because we have that
Sunshine Law where everything
becomes public records, so they
find out all the bad stuff.
Is that how that works?
That's what happens.
That's great.
Don't come here.
It's terrible here.
Don't come here, it's terrible
here unless you have $1,000,000
and you're 1 bunch of kids in
lake.
County, I don't want to deal
with you either.
Don't come here.
I don't care.
Need more juice?
Let's work.
Yeah, get it going.
Let's go spicy.
All right, time for the
industry's favorite game.
Wait.
That was it.
We're 48 minutes now.
You do watch the score.
We got a solid hour.
I got a video.
Oh yeah, I forgot he's got a
video.
Sorry you didn't yesterday.
I didn't understand.
I had to provide the video.
Had to bring it all yesterday.
Nice.
You know what?
So hey, hey, wait.
Now we're going to do cigar
news.
You know what's in cigar news?
What?
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Nothing's happening in the cigar
world.
All the bigwigs are out fishing
down on the keys.
Except us half wheels still
doing all their stories about
everything did.
You just call us a bigwig.
No, we're not a bigwig.
You said all the bigwigs except
us.
Yeah, we're bigwigs.
We're the medium wigs.
All right.
I want to get on that fishing
trip I can't afford.
It talk to Fred Rui.
Can't afford it though.
He doesn't really like me, I
don't think.
You don't think so?
I think I annoy him.
Really.
I think so.
What gave you that idea?
I can tell the way he talks to
me and I'm OK with it.
It's OK.
I'm not hurt.
I stole Paul from him, so it's
OK.
You stole what I stole Paul.
I think that's that's part of
the problem.
That's probably what it is.
That's part of the.
Problem.
So I sent you guys a video.
Oh.
I didn't get it.
Did you send it to my friend
Chet over here so he could see
it too?
You got to include the audience,
Michael.
That's why they keep coming
back.
I don't have a video.
No.
Video.
I too have no video.
This video is too long.
There it is.
I can't send it to Chet.
He's a green dot.
Are you a green dot?
No more iPhone.
Why is this so blurry?
Oh, maybe that maybe the right
number.
Oh, he's got a new number.
He changed his number when he
dumped all of us.
And we broke up with us.
We broke up with us, except
Phil.
No more calls.
No more calls from that crowd.
Can I play the audio?
Yeah, it just gives you a hard
time.
I have patients who have been
smoking for 45 years and they're
living a healthy life, and they
say it's because I smoke.
And obviously we laugh about it
because we all agree that it's
not true.
So why did this one case move
you so?
Actually, let me stop you right
there.
Probably it's because he smoked
that he's doing so well.
OK, we need to back up how, how
do we get there?
Well, I have a whole chapter in
Gut Check looking at the
healthiest, longest living
people.
And one of the unique features
of most of the Blue Zones is
that particularly the men are
heavy smokers and the smoking,
actually the nicotine in
cigarettes is one of the best
mitochondrial and couplers
that's ever been discovered.
And we've looked at this for the
long wrong lens.
We said, wow, what other healthy
lifestyle things are these guys
doing that's preventing smoking
from harming them?
In fact, we should have looked
at it the other way.
What is it about these people
who are smokers that allows them
to live to 105 a 110 years old?
And when you do that, then you
say, OK, smoking was good for
them.
Why don't we see the oxidative
stress that smoking we all know
occurs?
Why don't we see?
The cancer in the.
And it's because the rest of the
smoking.
Is now healthy for you.
Prices just went up double.
No.
They're like cigarettes though.
Did they get into cigars later?
I was.
Just talking about nicotine
content in general, right?
It's good for myocardial
infarction or whatever, he said.
So the guys.
So I started to go down this
rabbit hole with the possibility
of nicotine consumption actually
being healthy for you.
Be a smoking what?
Or just be a smoking, right,
Because they don't really tap
into cigarettes or they don't
really tap into cigars.
The guy's name is Stephen Gundry
and the book that he's
referencing is a book called Gut
Check.
Now, he's definitely
controversial in some of his
things.
Apparently from what I read,
there was a supposedly there was
a baby that possibly needed
heart surgery and he's a he's a
heart surgeon and he figured out
how to heal this kid without a
heart replacement or something
like that.
Made him smoke.
Yeah, that's why I'm picturing a
little kid smoking a cigarette
here.
Billy, you need to be able to
start smoking these.
Hold on, Terry Junior.
I don't know.
I feel great doc.
But five years old, You know
what?
I will, no matter the outcome.
What do you think of those?
Let me ask you that.
I mean, I don't like the
cigarette idea.
There's got to be a bad part of
the cigarette other than just
the nicotine.
Remove the remove the cigarette.
This is a simple aspect of
smoking.
Is it possible that maybe it
isn't as bad for you as you
think and maybe it's more diet
related with the nicotine?
We talking about cigarettes or
just nicotine in general?
Smoking with I have to remove
cigarettes from this equation
because it's not a cigarette
hustler.
Right, Don't yell at me.
Well, you're frustrating me.
Well, the guy's talking about
smoking.
Cigarettes.
OK, but listen to me.
I'm in the room with you.
But you asked me, do I agree
with the guy?
For the third time I have said.
Yes, I think nicotine is good
for you.
I don't see any ill effective
nicotine.
They've done studies where the
nicotine's not the bad part.
OK, what about you, Phil?
I'm absolutely not going to say
the word bleep, so I think maybe
this could be possible.
Tell them you don't like those.
I think it could be possible.
My wife has a cigar every
afternoon when she gets home
from school.
Just about and it takes the edge
off for it, right?
Dude, I mean, you want to put
blood work on me, I'm, I'm
hitting all the check marks,
right?
I take care of myself, right?
I'm extremely healthy, sure.
So you know, this like something
doesn't make sense.
I'm not some kind of.
I know.
I'm using my yeah.
I don't like they have the
large.
Yeah, it's weird.
I just wanted something to throw
at you.
That's what I mean.
The large the large pointing
thing that would hurt.
I stole this.
Why you always tell us you're
going to have a heart attack
before us then?
What?
Why do you always say you're
going to have a heart attack
before us?
Why I'm Because genetically,
from a genetic standpoint, I my
family is notorious for heart
problems.
My dad died of a heart attack.
My aunt, when when she got
COVID, she she had heart
failure.
You know, now listen, like they
had, I think they had other,
other underlying health issues.
I think that, you know, they
didn't make the healthiest life
choices as far as food
consumption and what they ate.
Even though my aunt tried to be
healthier, it was definitely
healthier than my dad was not.
Still not at the level.
That COVID weakened her heart.
No, but like, you know, there's
something to be said about
watching what you eat,
exercising and doing all of
these things that I think are
very beneficial for.
You is it just the two relatives
had heart?
Problems.
Those are the 2 that are always
in my brain.
That you know of.
I mean, it's not like you had a
grandfather that died of a heart
attack.
I mean, you, you probably don't.
Know on the on their side no, he
didn't die of heart disease that
was far worse and and my
grandmother had what your mom
has Alzheimer's.
Dementia, they're calling it,
till they, you know, get to a
certain point.
It's a new term, right?
Well, then, I mean, your dad
could be an anomaly in your
family though, because like you
said, he didn't really take care
of himself and the the Ant, the
COVID probably brought on the
heart problem.
So, I mean, you might not be,
you know, three strikes, you're
out.
Yeah, I mean actually.
So I mean, I'm going to do
everything I can to take care of
myself, to try and stay here as
long as possible to be a a
terrible nuisance for my kids.
Smoke more cigars.
But my point is that I don't
think that cigars are unhealthy.
No, I don't think so.
Yeah, I haven't.
Because I love it when somebody
says, oh, I'm like, you want to
pull blood work, dude, let's
compare.
Let's compare.
How much do you drink?
Oh, OK, got it right.
Let's talk about that.
All these other things that are
socially acceptable when
meanwhile we're fighting over
here, like, you know, what are
we doing?
When in the meantime, I like, I
don't know man, for me, like I
would love to see somebody work
as hard as all of us and and not
lose their minds because we,
well, not him, but me and you,
we do a lot.
Right.
Yeah.
We do a lot.
And my wife complaints.
All you do is work.
All you do is work all the time.
Like, we're trying to build
something, right?
It takes all of this, right?
And what happens is other people
notice, like, damn, they're
doing a lot like, yeah, right.
But like.
I don't know if I heard it once.
I heard it 1000 times in the
show.
I don't know how you guys do 5
days.
Right, like, but I don't have
AI.
Don't go home thinking, Oh my
God, my chest is popping out my
you know, like, oh, like none of
that's happening as I'm doing
all this, I'm like, all right,
on to the next day, you know,
and I think the cigars actually
help keep a level head and keep
it moving.
So it doesn't make sense.
And, you know, I think that this
is a conversation that I think
that you're going to see it.
Appearing more and more until
there's actually some evidence,
some scientific evidence saying,
yeah, you know, nicotine isn't
that bad and cigars, yeah, not
so bad.
So that's my point.
That's why I wanted to show that
video.
Gotcha.
You know, I'm sorry it was very
boring for you.
No, it's fine.
It was great for me, but I'm not
a hard worker so.
Now you work hard, Phil.
At avoiding work.
Until about noon.
About noon.
Because that's when the anxiety
kicks.
In I'm here, I had to rush back
to get here to you guys.
You love the show.
I do love the show.
We love that you're in the show
with us.
I appreciate that.
Let's.
Not get carried.
It wouldn't be the same.
It would not be the same
without.
Him No, it would not be the.
Same.
It's never the same when I'm not
here.
I know that.
It would not be the same without
him.
But we're looking so if you're
interested in being stupid.
Give us a go do.
You have an extra chromosome.
Can you hit buttons?
You may be the candidate.
Do you have a trained monkey
that can speak?
Hey, these buttons are a lot
harder than.
Monkey that could do math.
Apparently it's not a job
qualification to.
Do math that could do math for.
Any of the chairs in the room.
That could do math in multiples
of nine.
Do you like Oreo cookies?
You are the one for us.
All right, go on.
Are you with us?
No, sorry, I got a lot of text
messages.
All right, time for the
industry's favorite game.
What's the?
Score.
Today's Cigar November 9th, 2022
Patrick Lagreed 15-O2, Cigars
15-O2 and a Presario 10.
Enrique.
My first or your first?
I'll go.
First you go first.
The next time I'll take 86. 82
would.
You like to play?
88 Chat says 88.
Chat says 88 cigar reviewed
15-O2 anniversary Can you see
the screen?
No.
I'm listening.
No, I don't want you to see the
screen.
You'll see the number Deal 15-O2
anniversario 10 Country of
Origin and Nicaragua Factory
Dabo La Cara AJ Fernandez Cigars
de Nicaragua rapper Ecuador
Habano Binder Mexican San
Andreas Filler Nicaraguan to 6
by 50 Toro and they smoked free.
88. 82.
Tech goes 90 and I like his
analogy.
The cigar delivers at what clue
#1 The cigar delivers a well
balanced medium full profile
which is rich earthiness, pepper
and evolving notes like
nuttiness and chocolate, showing
solid complexity without
becoming overwhelming. 88. 84
what 84?
Chet says 90.
Clue #2 construction and
performance are stand out.
Easy draw, even burn.
Inconsistent smoke output across
all samples reflecting high
quality craftsmanship from
Tablet Calera, AJ Fernandez de
Nicaragua. 89. 85 I'm a.
Stick with. 90 Chat again says
90.
Thank you. 3rd and final clue,
The ash can be inconsistent with
chunks dropping unexpectedly
unexpectedly, and the flavor
profile simplifies in the final
third, losing some of the
earlier sweetness and depth. 89.
85.
Final thought and versarious
call for a special cigars and
anniversaries.
I guess it is 12 for special
cigars and by a large I would
call the 15-O2 and a Vosario 10A
special cigar.
While there is a bit of variance
in the specific flavour profiles
of each, of the three samples I
smoked, none veered too far off
the script and each was very
enjoyable.
The profile is rooted in
earthiness and pepper, both of
which are executed quite well.
Get accent from coffee,
chocolate, lumber, nuttiness,
and creaminess, each of which
generally come in a few puffs
before departing and not
returning, giving the cigar some
distinct moments without
sacrifice.
Overall Cohesiveness.
All the flavor highlights were
reinforced by the incredible
construction and combustion of
the cigar, which were about as
top notch as I have experienced
lately.
This is an impressive cigar from
Enrique Sanchez that does a
fantastic job celebrating 10
years and hopefully setting the
stage for the next 10 years of
the 15-O2 brand. 91. 92. 9091.
They sound like they're wrong.
There you go.
There you.
Go this.
Is what happens when I win.
Only when he wins, Boots wins,
nothing happens.
Boots wins.
Nothing.
OK, next round.
Yeah, I have another one if you
want to keep going.
OK, sure.
All right, second cigar,
December 7th, 2023.
Brooks Whittington Cigars.
It's from Honduras.
It is the Aladino Sumatra.
Toro.
Oh, 87.
Oh, nice smell of burning
something. 8887 Chat says 87.
Aladino Sumatra Toro from
Honduras Fabrica de puros
aladino at Las Lomas Hamistran
rapper is Honduras Sumatra
binder Honduras filler Honduras.
It's a 6 by 52 Toro.
They smoked three of them. 87.
8887 for Chet.
The flavor profile is layered
and consistent, led by creamy
cashew and cedar, with
supporting notes like cinnamon,
cocoa, citrus, plus a smooth
retro hell balancing caramel,
sweetness and a white pepper.
88. 89. 88.
Chet says 88 clue #2 excellent
overall construction where it
counts.
Draws are consistently easy with
plenty of smoke production,
making for an enjoyable smoking
experience from start to finish.
889091.
Clue #3 Burn performances the
weak spot, with all three cigars
requiring touch ups at different
points, which interrupts an
otherwise solid experience. 88.
89 to 87.
Chet moves to 87.
Final final thought, I've rarely
come across an Aladino blend
that I have not enjoyed.
When it comes to flavors in the
Aladino, Sumatra Toro continues
that trend.
The profile is full of flavors
that each complement each other
nicely, including creamy
cashews, cedar, white pepper,
and caramel sweetness, as well
as an interesting, albeit
fleeting mint note in the final
third.
Having said that, I experienced
some significant construction
issues when it came to the burn.
In fact, all three of the cigars
needed multiple corrections with
my lighter to stay on track.
In the end, the Aladeno Sumatra
Toro is well worth the price of
admission from a flavour
standpoint, but you're sure to
keep your lighter handy.
The only thing they don't take
off for is price.
They didn't mention the price
didn't.
They no, yeah, I'm just thinking
about the touch ups 86.
Went low 88 construction is a
big.
Deal.
I'm going to stick.
I'm covered.
I'm covered in this.
Stuff the test.
I know it gets everywhere.
That's right.
Sounds gritty when you walk
through that part of the room.
In the Island of Cigar Hustlers
podcast, only one can be king
and I reign supreme.
Fire God is insurance.
Yes, sun must be shining today.
It's hot in here today.
Well, I mean we did just light a
fire twice is.
That Is that what's getting hot?
Yeah.
The sunshine.
Anything else to add, Mr.
Palmer?
That is it, the show is over.
Make sure you like and subscribe
wherever you're viewing or
listening to the show.
Check out chapter pod.com for
our Swag Cigar House podcast on
patreon.com.
Thank you very much for a lovely
show, gentlemen.
Chet, thank you very much for
sitting in and partaking in in
our What's the score?
Have a lovely, lovely Monday
all.
Right, guys, you got to go.
Bye bye.
Goodbye.
Show Notes
On todays show we have a divorce that has the husband asking for just a bit to much, JP Morgan executive and Little brown boy make the news, new Oreo cookie, can’t they leave Brittany alone! Teens take a social media prank to far and finally we have a Million dollar prostitite as a sub in lake county…then a double what’s the score!