ACHP Episode 522 Tik Tok Famous?
Episode Summary
Episode 522 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast is a news-and-banter show with host Mike Palmer, co-host Mikey Stefankiewicz, engineer Phil, and guest-in-studio Chet sitting in on the games. The first half is CHPod housekeeping — chpod.com merch plans (a 4th of July shirt, a possible laser-etched Yeti tumbler, and an "Apex Listener" Patreon shirt for Ken Miller), listener comment reads, and a hat giveaway won by listener CW6383.
The news block runs through a divorce case where a husband asked for his donated kidney back (which sparks a tangent on the hosts' own divorce negotiations, custody birthday clauses, and youth flag football parenting), a lawsuit against JPMorgan executive Lorna Hajedini filed by a junior employee alleging sexual harassment, drugging, and racial abuse — a story the hosts pick apart at length and largely call into question. They also cover the new limited-edition triple-stuffed Firecracker Pop Oreo (blue raspberry, lemon, and cherry cream), Britney Spears' misdemeanor DUI charge out of Ventura County, two Ocala 18-year-olds arrested for driving a zero-turn lawnmower into a Target and using a leaf blower inside a Culver's for social media clout, and a Lake Minneola High School substitute teacher arrested after twerking and calling herself a "million-dollar prostitute" in class.
Cigar content comes in two forms. First, Mikey shares a video clip of Dr. Steven Gundry discussing his book "Gut Check," in which Gundry argues nicotine is a mitochondrial uncoupler and that heavy-smoking Blue Zone populations may benefit from it. That kicks off a genuine conversation about whether cigars are actually unhealthy, family heart-disease history, blood work, stress management, and why the hosts believe cigars help them handle a five-day-a-week production schedule. The crew also notes cigar news is dead at the moment, with most industry figures out fishing.
The episode closes with a double round of "What's the Score?" guessing halfwheel review scores: Patrick Lagreid's review of the 1502 Aniversario 10 by Enrique Sánchez (rolled at Tabacalera AJ Fernández de Nicaragua, Ecuadorian Habano wrapper, Mexican San Andrés binder, Nicaraguan filler, 6x50 Toro) which scored 91, and Brooks Whittington's review of the Aladino Sumatra Toro from Fábrica de Puros Aladino in Jamastran, Honduras (all-Honduran puro, 6x52) which scored 88 despite burn issues.
In This Episode
- 01CHPod Merch, Patreon & Comment ReadsPlans for a 4th of July shirt, a laser-etched Yeti, an Apex Listener Patreon shirt, listener comments, and a hat giveaway.
- 02Divorce Stories & Custody TangentsA husband demands his donated kidney back in divorce court, leading the hosts into their own divorce, pet custody, and birthday-clause stories.
- 03Parenting, Sports and EffortMikey talks about his son quitting flag football over championships and why he coaches for the time together, not the wins.
- 04JPMorgan Harassment LawsuitA junior employee's suit against executive Lorna Hajedini alleging drugging, sexual coercion and racial slurs — and why the hosts are skeptical.
- 05Firecracker Pop OreosThe new limited-edition triple-stuffed Oreo with blue raspberry, lemon and cherry cream, plus an Oreo-eating guessing giveaway.
- 06Britney Spears DUI & Florida Crime BlotterBritney's misdemeanor DUI charge, Ocala teens driving a lawnmower into Target and leaf-blowing a Culver's, and a Lake Minneola substitute teacher's arrest.
- 07Is Nicotine Actually Good for You?A Dr. Steven Gundry clip from 'Gut Check' on nicotine as a mitochondrial uncoupler sparks a real debate about cigar smoking, blood work and heart health.
- 08What's the Score? Double RoundThe crew guesses halfwheel scores for the 1502 Aniversario 10 (91) and the Aladino Sumatra Toro (88).
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Cigar Hustle Podcast Episode 522. I'm Mike Palmer, your spicy host, and with me today in engineering, Phil, I raced my sperm He came down last night and lost to McGuffey. You're not nice. Who was he racing against?
He raced his own sperm. Oh, it was his sperm versus sperm? Sperm versus him. Oh, sperm versus him.
He raced his own sperm. He raced his own sperm and lost. Was it a parlay like Moneymaker? He bet on himself?
I don't know. I don't have all the details. Did he bet on himself to win and he lost? The Moneymakers bet on you to win.
And he lost to the sperm? What kind of odds were you giving? They weren't involved. You were the underdog?
They weren't involved? No. So he just took a personal bet. Did you pay yourself for losing?
I have no idea what you're talking about. My co-host Mikey, my wife, blames me for her cramps, Stefan Kevich. Wow. She doesn't blame me for her cramps.
That's not what she told me. Oh, yeah? You guys have private conversations? We have morning Zoom calls, I told you yesterday.
Today is your last day on this earth. Wait, is this the destruction episode? No. We have to schedule him.
He can't keep track of things himself. Oh. On today's show, we have a divorce that has the husband asking for just a bit too much. P.
Morgan executive and a little brown boy make the news. Oh, God. There's a new Oreo. That's her term, not mine.
A new Oreo cookie. Can't they leave Britney alone? The poor thing. Teens take a social media prank too far.
And finally, we have a million-dollar prostitute as a substitute in Lake County. Aha. A million-dollar? And then we have a double what's the score.
Sure, but first, Mikey, how do we get a long description of CHPod swag and read many, many comments? com where we have all of our CHPod swag. What do you think should be our next piece? I'm going to do the, I think I'm going to do the blue shirt for July, the BDP.
BDP, 4th of July shirt, okay. You got to work on the Patreon shirt. I need that. Yes.
Mr. Ken Miller, if you're watching, sir, we're putting your package together. Yeah, we're working, we want to do a special shirt, Apex Listener. Yes.
Yes. But you have to make it. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
I'm going to do that. All right. Damn, I should have did that today. What did he say the day before yesterday?
I'm going to do that for you. I'm going to make it Apex Listener. I hope it doesn't turn out like the beanies. Here's what I'm going to do.
T-Money. T-Money, send me an Apex Listener Patreon. Oh, now you have the listeners doing the graphics for you. T-Money's my guy.
T-Money, don't you dare. Make him do the work. Why? It makes us all better.
No, it doesn't. Yes, it is. No, it doesn't. How does it make me better if he does your work?
Because you don't have to do it. I'm not doing that. I'm not in charge of the clothing line. That's the area of the show I really have no input in at all.
It's all about the synergy, Palmer. We're better together. So now we're going to add another unpaid employee to this unpaid employee company. Welcome, T-Money, to the unemployed, the paid unemployment of CHPod.
He just likes to send me images. What's the problem with that? Nothing. He sends you images too.
Yeah, but I don't ask for specific images. There could be a problem with specific images. Okay, well, we'll see if it's a problem, if it's a problem. It's not a problem for him, I'm sure he just knocked it out.
Oh, so there you go, so I just gave him something to do to make him feel more included and he's happy? No, he's not happy. Wow. He's very upset.
You're on his list, you said he doesn't know what he's doing. No, he commented that I'm not on his list. Can you read the comments, by the way? I will be able to read the comments in one second, um, like, and subscribe.
You want Phil to read the comments? We're reviewing or listening to this podcast, I was thinking about maybe doing, like, a laser-etch Yeti, like a, like a, oh. Oh. We have somebody working on that.
Yeah, we keep flirting with the idea, I just haven't decided on what the concept is that we're gonna put it on, maybe we do the bear, I don't know. Oh, I have someone who's made one. Oh, really? Yes.
It's already been made. Well, the test one was done. It's not ideally located on the Yeti thing. That would be a good idea.
Yeah. So maybe we do that for our next merch drop. Okay. Some comments?
Please. Would you like to hear some comments? Indulge yourself, please. Read the comments.
That must be all comments about me and Palmer. Or does T-Money need to read the comments? T-Money, would you like to call in and read the comments, please, go ahead. You know, people don't like, don't appreciate your aggression, and you're never getting a 13 knife.
That's right, there's other people that make knives, I don't even hit knives. No, that's not Roberts. You know, I'm a nice person, I don't know why I haven't got one. You're not getting a knife.
Wow. You don't ask for, you can buy them, go buy them. com, what is the website, because that's not the website. I have no idea.
Oh, way to promote your friend. Go check him out on Instagram. Just saying. Somebody reached out, they wanted to buy one, and they said they went to that, and it comes up at some kind of restaurant in some state.
Okay, give me that guy's information, and I'll get him the link. Okay. His name is Paul Corlson. I know how to reach him.
Corlson? Carlson, whatever his last name is. My friend Paul, I call him. Okay.
All right. Why are you so angry with that? At Jace1911, so it's the water with a packet that put the life into Palmer? Keep his cup refilled.
Oh, he's hittin' it. " Thank you, Corey. 215 Inc. If they work.
Love the Pyrotechnics. Possibly the only podcast anywhere that has that. That's right. Yeah, that's true.
Number one. We need a smoke machine. You still got a smoke machine? I have access to a smoke machine.
At David Hoffman, what are you gonna do with that? It sets off when the fireworks go off. You already can't see me. " Yeah, it's on Netflix.
You should subscribe. 215-ING, I'm going to hit you again here because you wrote, "This may be the funniest episode you guys ever did. " He didn't even know he was talking- Not the only one that makes knives. He was talking to and what we were talking about.
Sheesh. I'll get a knife. Sheesh. I'll get a knife.
All right. If you want to hear your comment on the show, comment below and we may read it out loud. We need to pick a winner. Winner, winner.
Still not ready, I guess, huh? We're gonna do it right now. Chicken dinner. Pick a number one through 67.
67. 67. Okay, you want it lower? No, no, that's it.
Now he's got to count to 67. Now we're here. We're here now. You did it.
Comment one. Comment two. One, two, three. Can't you just go to the last one?
Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. Four. Hold on. Yeah, stop there.
We'll stop there, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, he did it, not me, 34, 35, 36. Any audience today, ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. Chet Atwell. 40, 41, 42, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49.
You're an asshole. You said one through ten. 9, 50, one, two, three, four. Short, shorts, shorts.
See, this is what we have to put up with. Five, six, seven. All the time. I don't understand.
If you had it set up on a nice little piece of paper, where they were numbered like you used to do, we could just jump right to the end. All right, I got your winner. Who is it? Oh, hold on, we're back.
Your winner is @CW6383, Chris Chad Weiss. Oh! Congratulations. You won the hat.
That covers up his hat. It covers up his hat. And we're gonna reach out to you. I'm gonna do that, the other black hat for you as well.
He lives over in Lady Lake. Yeah. So, we'll set you up. I got one for you.
Congratulations. You are the winner of the Winged Hazar hat. And you're welcome. What's that?
And you're welcome. Oh, and 'cause Phil picked a number. Yes. Oh, I couldn't understand why he was being rude.
We'll probably do another giveaway. We got a couple knuckle sandwich hats and stuff too. Oh. I've got a lighter cutter set I'll give up.
Still brand new in a box at home. Yeah, I mean, what the hell? These things are just hanging around here. Yeah, I'll never use them.
Let's take care of our people. You got it. So, comment below and you might win something. I don't know.
Sounds like fun. What do you think, Phil? Yeah, and then join the Patreon. Yeah, you're right.
Thanks. com, a Cigar Hustlers podcast, where if you buy for the entire year, you're going to get 10% off for the entire year. I went through an answer to every comment today. Did you?
Yes. Awesome. Is that why you're so tired? No, but they're commenting more.
They're commenting more. That means they're growing. They're growing. No, it's the same people.
Yeah. Okay, but that's how it goes. Right? All right.
So, yeah. And, yeah, if you take that elite one, you're going to get a special shirt. Right. Apex Listener.
Apex Listener. As soon as T-Money does the work. Ken Miller is the Apex Listener. Yes.
Yes. And that's all I have. I think. Yeah.
H. Bond. Like and subscribe. Comments.
Sounds good. Hopefully you have a video later. I do have a video. Is it a long video?
It is kind of long. I actually cut it short because I thought it was too long, but it's a good video. It's a good controversial video. Yeah.
Alright. A man shocked the divorce court after asking for his kidney back during the proceedings. Oh. Several years into the wedding, she needed a kidney.
He donated. Now he wants it back. Well, she's done with him? Yeah, they're getting divorced.
That should have been a clause. He should have brought it up in the beginning, because now it's considered a gift. Correct. He can't get it back.
Yeah, he should have worked that out. Boots, what's one of the most unusual things that you asked to keep or asked for when you got divorced? Not the dogs, I can tell you that much. Not the cat.
Not the dog, not the cat. Although that's with the current one, he didn't... Uh, no, the dogs in the second one was definitely it. The first one?
Just any of them. Pick one random. So wait, you fought for the dogs in the second one? Yeah.
You did? Did you get the dogs? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, the first one I didn't really ask for anything because I was in boot camp. Oh, I had just graduated boot camp when I was far away, so I didn't really have anything with her. I had gotten rid of everything before I left. What about you?
On the year, because we had alternating birthdays, every other year you got him for his birthday. On the year that I got him for his birthday, she could not celebrate before the birthday. Who? My ex-wife.
Are you talking about for your kid? But celebrate the son's birthday. Okay. Okay, I mean you didn't really, like the birthday year.
I, sorry. Could've, maybe it was the parrot, how the hell should I know? Well, because I didn't have a parrot. I get the parrot, you had like, you were like Ace Ventura.
You had goats and chickens and all kinds of shit. I was with the second one, and we got rid of all the animals. I can't keep up with your bevy of wives. What the fuck do you want from me?
I don't know. No, I thought you were my friend. Why can't you keep up? There's only been three.
It's not like there's 75 of them to keep up with. I am, but all of them are posts. I keep up with all of your children. All of them are pre-Palmer, Stepankiewicz relationship.
So you should still know. I know the one. I know all your old friends. My old friends?
Yeah. Well, tell me an old friend. John. John's not an old friend.
He's a current friend. Well, he's still your friend now, but he's from when you were older. Are they currently your wives now? They're my ex-wives.
Exactly my point. So they're still part of a wife. They are not in your life at all. Well, it's because the kids are over 18.
Exactly. But when I met you, they weren't. No, they still weren't in your life. Well, they're going to be in his life if they ever get married.
You didn't deal with your wives. Who gets married? Your kids. Oh.
What is wrong with you? Well, I mean, most of them are married now. Actually, all but one. Connor.
- The best one. - Yeah, the best one. - He is the best one. - So anyway-- - He calls him every day.
- Yeah, he's a good guy. - On the day, on the years I did not have Jake, my son, for his birthday, I had in the agreement that she cannot celebrate the birthday prior to me celebrating the birthday on his birthday. - Oh, 'cause she would slide that, she's trying to get-- - Yeah, and before that, she would slide that in, and then that ruins the birthday. - Yeah, that's a dick move.
- Right. - I'm gonna celebrate before-- - And everyone's like, well that's stupid, what are you doing that? So I explained it to him. I'm like, because she will celebrate it beforehand, and then I lose the pop for the birthday.
Right. And you want to celebrate the birthday. Right. " With you.
Right. Yeah. That's awesome. That reminds me of yesterday.
I had a conversation with Justice, 'cause he had a rough day. Yeah? For one, he broke my TV. Oh.
Which one? But didn't you break his TV? He broke the one, the 85-incher. Uh-oh.
He was playing with his buddy, he threw a keychain at it, and he cracked, no, I broke Jax's TV. Jax's TV, that's right. Intentionally. So did you go break Justice's TV?
What? Did you break Justice's TV? No, no, no, it was an accident. Yeah, but still, I mean.
I mean, look. An eye for an eye. That's right, that's the way it works. No, no, no.
That's not how you do things. That's not how I do things. I mean, you know. And then he had a rough day.
So, after practice, he's like, I don't want to do football with you. I don't wanna do Winter Park flag football anymore. - Oh. - I said, okay, we can stop.
I'm like, why do you wanna stop? And like, again, this was an emotionally unstable day for him. - Right. - He goes, 'cause we're never gonna win a championship.
- Oh. - And I said, okay. We might not win a championship. Do you think that's why I'm out here?
And he says, no. I said, okay, well, why am I out here? And he's like, I don't know. I said, I'm out here because I get to do this with you.
I don't care if we win or we lose. We're gonna keep working, like, like, I don't want anybody to steal that from me. Sure, right. If you want to go and do sports with somebody else, then I don't get to be there every hour on the hour for those things, right?
Sure. So that's what made me think of that when you're like, you don't get to, you don't get to take that. Like, no, like, okay, if you want to be done here, that's fine, but like, - I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere. So, you know, we're gonna celebrate, we're gonna do things together.
- So is he not playing anymore? - Oh, I think he's still in, I just think that he had a-- - He had a rough day. - Yeah, he was mad that he broke the TV, his friend was giving him a hard time about it, and that made it worse, so, all that good stuff. - Don't you get Mr.
Preston to coach you? - No, no. - If you wanna win, Daddy will get Mr. Preston to coach you.
No, you know, he, like... Wow. Palmer knows nothing about sports, and it was funny he made that comment. Justice is not the kid that wants it.
Like, he doesn't... It takes a lot of hard work, right? And a lot of encouragement. Okay, keep going, keep working, keep working, you know, to develop to a level where you're gonna be a phenom in any of these sports.
And justice doesn't want that. Justice just wants to have fun. So, I'm not the dad-- Yeah, he likes the camaraderie, not the-- Yeah, he wants to be with his friends, wants to have a good time, whatever. " Like, that's not me.
You know, like, I want you to understand you gotta work hard. I want you to understand that, you know, that anything that's worth it in life is not easy to do, right? And I want you to enjoy the process, I want you to have fun, so he doesn't, you know, like where Jack's on the other hand will go in and do all the extra stuff. He'll go spend 30 minutes taking shots, he'll go, you know, he's willing to work out or do all these other things.
Justice may want to weight train because I want to see how strong I can get, you know, but it's not about sports for him. Yeah, let's sit you down and let's tell you a little story about a man named Mr. Dan Marino. with who Dan Marino he didn't win no championships but he had a great time he did all right he was pretty good yeah he ain't the greatest of all time though well I was just saying like you don't have to win a championship but I parlayed that into a jab against you yeah that was a jab you like the Dolphins you were from you're from South Florida I don't like the Dolphins well you're not from South but you live in South Florida I like the Patriots no that's yeah that's on Wednesdays I like the Patriots and I Like the Bucs.
Right. AFC and NFC. Palmer, you're going to lose Palmer here. Huh?
Speaking of sports, what? Speaking of sports, Timberwolves beat Denver, huh? Yeah, I can't, but with eight guys. Without anybody.
Yeah. That's not on the show. Sorry. You're right.
We were just left field. We don't do sports anymore. Nobody cares. Do you think they can beat San Antonio?
Not the alien, no. Wemby? Yeah. You think they can beat Wemby?
Well, Edwards is out for the year probably. He's not going to be in the rest of the players. He's done? Yeah.
Oh, that's not good. Do you think they can beat Wembe Palmer? Huh? You think they can beat Wembe?
They can beat what? Wembe. What's that? Wembe.
No. No? I'm not saying that because Sheridan can say something stupid again. Well, again, they beat Wembe.
I have no idea. Wembe Yama? No. You know who Wembe Yama is?
No idea. Just go to ESPN and look at the guy that's four feet taller than everybody else that's playing basketball. That's an exaggeration, but he's tall. He made Draymond Green look like a baby.
Yeah. His name sounds like he's from somewhere else, but he's really from France. Sounds French. That name sounds French to you?
Yeah, like croissant. Like patois French? Croissant. Croissant.
Wimby. You want a Wimby? Yeah, Wimby. Croissant with icing.
He's pretty good. I'm sure croissant with icing would be delicious. Okay, anyways. P.
Morgan? Oh, we love jobs that don't pay, so sure. P. Morgan executive, identified as Lorna Hajedini, has been named in a sexual harassment and a racial abuse lawsuit by a junior male employee.
The lawsuit alleges that besides the sexual advances, she drugged him with date rape drugs. This is a man? This is a man. No, the woman drugged the man.
There's a woman. And she's an attractive woman. He told? Yes.
It already sounds like bullshit, doesn't it? Yeah. The plaintiff also has complained that the American banking giant enabled the abuse. " No, it's fine.
The complaint was filed this past Monday, so this is all new news. I was sentenced by four listeners, and I had already found it myself, so it's a good story. In the New York Supreme Court, by the plaintiff who has chosen to hide his identity, he's just known as Little Brown Boy, that was her term for him. His identity's already out, but go ahead.
Oh is it out now? Oh yeah. Maybe it was the identity of something else. The unidentified junior employee at the reputed banking institute has claimed that his senior, Lorna, drugged him, subjected him to racial abuse, and even threatened his career when he refused her advances.
Right. Wow. Do, who has been described as an Asian man, outlines the various instances of unwanted sexual advances and abuse. In one such instance, as reported by the Daily Mail, she dropped her pen on the floor next to his desk, And while bending to pick it up, rubbed his leg and squeezed his calf.
- Okay, this is great. " - Whoa, a little Asian man. - I love basketball players, they make me so wet. - Wow, that's what she said?
- That's what it says allegedly in the court allegations? - Yes. "From then on, the abuse progressed," alleges Doe. He states, at one time, she invited him out for drinks, but he refused.
Then she allegedly said, "If you don't F me soon, I'm going to ruin you. " Really? Yes. And then the lawsuit goes on.
He also alleges that she propositioned him for oral sex. J. for the little brown boy. " He's Asian.
He's Asian. Okay, no, you think he's Asian. He's just more of his Asian. Yeah, later they referred to him as Indian, so I assume it's where the brown came from.
It's a little more accurate. Yeah. So she was calling him Asian. Let me know when you're done with the story so I can engage.
Go ahead, I'm waiting. I can keep reading. There's more stuff that she allegedly did. Go ahead, keep going.
The man claims in his complaint that she even admitted to drugging him using date rape drugs on numerous occasions. During one encounter, she allegedly berated him because he cried while she performed a sex act on him against his will. Against his will. Against his will.
Cried. He cried. She's also been accused of showing up at his house uninvited, but that wasn't it. She then allegedly removed her shirt, began fondling herself, and racially insulted his wife, remarking, I bet your little Asian fish head wife doesn't have these cannons.
That sounds like something a woman would say. Wow. They're big. If you look at the picture, they're big.
Yeah, these cannons. Okay. He then claimed to try to rebuff each and every one of her sexual advances, but she always got her way by using her position of power. In one instance, she is accused of saying, "I effen own you.
I will make you pay. " That's where they refer to him as Indian. Right. P.
Morgan is claiming that it never happened, that he was just trying to somehow put pressure on them. Dispettit the girl or woman or something? Yes, I don't know. Okay, do you think that this sounds at all believable?
Let me ask you, Phil. I mean, I think she definitely did all this stuff. You think she did? I don't think it was against his will.
You think she did? You think she said, oh, these cannons? You think she used the term, she said, oh, I like you, I love basketball players? Well, maybe she didn't use some of those words, but I think what happened, because he said he was married.
Okay. I think what happened is his wife found out, and now he's walked it back. Okay, so you think that he got caught in adultery? Yeah, and he's saying, oh, wait, I didn't really want that.
No, I was raped. Yeah, I was raped. I was raped, I cried, so that's what you think. Yeah.
This is all against my will, I cried. -I cried. -Okay. What about you?
-The cannon thing seems a little far-fetched. -It's a little over time. -I never thought of his angle that Phil said. I mean, that is possible.
-He got busted? -He got busted by his fish-head wife. -Aledged fish-head wife. -Aledged fish-head wife.
So he goes, "She made me do it. She made me do it. She drug me. She drug me.
" -I cried for God's sake. -You're not gonna believe this. She said, "My bitch. " He said his fish head wife did not have the cannons.
Right. I get it. " Yeah. Unless he's a rather lanky, tall Indian or Asian, they're not really known for their height, are they, that he played basketball?
You know, he looks reasonable in height. Oh, did you see his picture? I did. He looks reasonable in height, from what I could tell.
But none of this makes sense to me at all, to be honest. JP Morgan's making no comments other than saying that it didn't happen. Yeah, they're not involved. Yeah, I gotta be honest.
I mean, I'm looking at it from the cheap seats. It makes no sense. It makes no sense whatsoever. Apparently, this woman has an exemplary, like an exemplary, I can't even speak today.
She's been emancipated? Yeah. She has great credentials. All her colleagues love her.
Apparently, she's really good at what she does. Right? Maybe the other assistants didn't come forward. They were scared.
Okay. This guy doesn't look like he's, like, a major catch. You know what I mean? Like, "I'm gonna bang.
" Well, right. But maybe it's a power thing for her. " But I am in a place of power over this guy, and I can make him do whatever I want. Okay.
I'm gonna tell you, I don't buy this shit for a second. Wait a second. It sounds like this guy is fucking Looney Tunes. Like, he's off his rocker.
To come up with some of these things, first of all, I couldn't see a woman speaking in those terms and specific things. Cannons? You can use a term, you know, these cannons. Like, what?
The cannon seems to be the only thing, though. " You must have played basketball, not be a good basketball. You must have played because of your calves? I don't know.
Basketball players at Big Can? I didn't see the picture till now. And then... Of her or the guy?
Of both. Ah. And then Rachel Slur's fish head wife. He has kind of a fish head himself.
But not... Wife? Yeah, maybe not the wife. The picture of his wife?
Look at his wife. She... Fish head man's wife. Man's fish head wife.
The lady, the cannon lady, she doesn't look like she would say some things like that. It's just me. I'm telling you, dude, this is going to blow back in this guy's face because... He looks kind of like Woody.
I'm willing to bet... For Toy Story. Not Woody from Cheers? No, Woody for Toy Story.
You better pop up his image during the YouTube. And then give him the Woody hat. Yeah, please put the hat on. That would take you two seconds.
Chad GBT, draw this man with the Woody hat on. Put this man, put the Toy Story Woody hat on. I mean, this guy's, first of all, if this girl was making advances at him, this guy's, you know, wow. Well, that's why- Right, right.
That's my point. The girl's wow. That's why, until he got caught, he was like, I'm all in, you know, drug me, blow me, whatever you wanna do. Yeah.
No, I don't think that. I show you how I make you, here we go. Here we go. Yeah, let's show you how we do it in India.
I don't even- I know the Kama Sutra. No, I, like, I'm willing to bet- I have the book. I'm willing to bet he has no accent, just for the record. Yeah, he doesn't look like he doesn't.
Page 42, we don't know. Yeah. No. You want to know a thing to me?
I think that he had these crazy fantasies about his boss. Yeah, probably. Right. His wife found his diary.
What? His wife found his diary. Something came up. Yeah, something tacky came up.
He had a diary. And then he went hard in the paint and over embellished all of this. Today she dropped her pen. You're not going to believe this.
She brushed up against my leg. Right. And that brings me to the real question is, do these people really need interns or whatever they are called, like assistants? I would imagine a lady of her level has an assistant of some sort.
Right, but like, you know, he obviously has downtime if he's coming up with all this stuff, that's my point. You know, we could replace this guy today with ChatGPT, he's out the door. Yeah, but ChatGPT's not gonna fetch your coffee for her. Well, you know, we're not going to be taken out to dinner and take date drugs.
We're like three or four years away from that. You know, I'm great at getting coffee. You know, great at getting coffee. Would you like tea?
To answer your question back from earlier, Palmer, yes, I'd love to have the job. P. Morgan, yeah. There's guys lining up right now to apply to be your assistant.
Look at this lady. They're all applying. I will clock in and you can talk down to me all day. You don't have to pay me at all.
That's what they're saying. That's what they say. Want to see my calf? Look at my calf.
Check this out. There's guys doing toe lifts now. I play basketball. Today's my day.
I play basketball just outside, not inside. I play basketball. I can do the voice if it's the voice that you like. Yeah, you like the voice?
You like the voice. My wife's ugly. Trust me, I don't care. A little pirate-ish.
I like cannons. Yeah. I like cannons. Yeah, dude.
I will bet. I hope, okay, you're probably right, but I hope it comes out that it's true. It would be a much better story. That she's this crazy lunatic?
Crazy, horrible lunatic, like Jennifer Aniston, the dentist in that movie. Oh, you know, I was thinking that, horrible bosses. Horrible bosses, right. She's like that.
But see, this is like that situation, like, why would you not go for Jennifer Aniston? Because that guy was married too, wasn't he, in the movie? I don't remember. Maybe.
That's probably half the thrill for the girl that the guy's married. Nah, get him in a cheat on his wife. I'll break him. I'll break him.
I'll be coming right now. It's Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, I mean, she would drug him in the movie, she'd give him nitrous from the dentist's office. Well, if she could break him, that's not really a man, you know what I mean?
Like, hey, back the fuck up. Hold on, let me FaceTime my wife. Tell her. Tell her.
You stay the fuck up. She's gonna kill us both. You back off, or I will end both of you. I hope by next Monday it comes out that she's been disgraced and she's been let go.
P. Morgan writes a letter of apology, pays this man a large sum of money. You want all that? Yes, it's a much better story if it's true than if he made it up.
If he made it up. It's so not true. Then it becomes a movie. It's so not true.
It's great if he makes it up. No, it's better if it's true. I'm going to tell you right now, there's no way that this is... P.
Morgan is disgraced, she's disgraced. If it's not true, it's just the guy and his fish head wife. Yeah. Okay, but now could you imagine...
Hold on, wait a second. Think about this for a second. Can you imagine being this woman? She's worked her ass off her entire life.
I could not imagine. What? I could not imagine. I know you haven't.
He's imagining a woman right now. Yeah. You worked your ass off. Mmm, cannons.
You stink. You've worked your ass off your entire life. You got to this position. JP Morgan is probably not the easiest to get into, right?
Well, she's date raping people and blowing people. I don't think she got to the position. Right. She didn't get it the hard way.
That's not accurate. I'm just saying, by the story. Okay, so then let me say my fucking perspective, okay? You're good.
So, she did the right thing. She worked her ass off this whole time. The whole time, you come across this asshole, and he tries to tear you down in a whim, right? Like, that sucks.
Did you see her LinkedIn photo? No. Send it to me. She's crossed her arms.
She has this very low-cut top on with her suit. Yeah. She's crossed her arms underneath, and she's lifting her boobs up, and the angles from down there up, and it makes her boobs look huge in the photo. Okay.
Like cannons. And? Well, I sent a professional photo. It was professionally done.
I'm sure it was professionally done, but it's... So, we're going to analyze the professionalism of a photo and then determine... It's just another piece of the puzzle. No, no, that's not a piece of the puzzle.
That's irrelevant. That's irrelevant. Like, that's like taking a snippet of something that somebody said and mapping out who they are in that five-second clip. And you know what, that's...
You mean like Koopte does? Like, that's what... Well, not that, but that's what I see all the time on social media. Somebody sees a ten-second clip and they decide exactly who that person is.
It's like, "Wait a second. There's a whole life there. You have no idea who this person is. This is something that was said on a small fragment of time, and you don't even know the context.
I mean, I had somebody come after me recently on one of our shorts. I'm like, if you go back and just listen to the show, it will make a lot more sense before you kind of get all uppity here, right? Like, calm down. " Is it the beard guy?
I have no idea. I don't remember. It was something. And I wrote nicely, like, hey.
Thanks for listening. Yeah, thank you for listening. If you go and you check out the show, you'll have a better picture of what we're talking about, right? But that's not what people do.
Instead, you're going to judge a person on a profile picture on a LinkedIn page. It's like, what are we doing? Being judgy. Well, yeah, exactly.
That's it. Just because she's pretty and she's proud of her body or whatever. It's not like she's done a fucking bikini or something, you know what I mean? Yeah, then, then it would be...
Pink. Oh, yeah. I don't believe you. Does she have an OnlyFans?
I can tell when you lie. I don't know. No, you can't. I thought you would do some deep research, Father.
I feel like I've gotten better at it. I'm more cautious now. Alright, next story. It's bullshit.
I'm gonna tell you, I'm calling bullshit. But we'll follow this story. We'll keep you updated. We?
You mean me. Yeah, that's what I mean. When we say we, we mean you. And you.
Yeah. Is there a 50-second sloth that's died? No, they all appear to be alive at the moment. We're all safe.
They're all good? Good. Now other zoos are putting their sloths on social media. I'm like, just leave them alone.
Let these 49 have their day. Let the cut-- 51. Oh, 51 are dead. Let the-- it's 30-- it's 29 now.
29's still alive. Yeah. Leave the cuddle alone. Right.
Leave them-- oh, yeah, the cuddle. Leave this-- leave the Orlando cuddle alone. Oreos debuting a new cookie. Ooh.
Sales must be down. Hmm. A limited edition, well, everybody's getting on the 250th anniversary. It's all about the other.
They're doing a firecracker pop flavored cookie. America. Right. So it's red, white, and blue cream filling to go with the bomb pops.
You son of a bitch, I'm in. I'm buying this. I know. They look delicious.
They look good. Unlike Oreos Pass, triple stuffed cookies, the new firecracker pop Oreos features three different flavors of cream in the sandwich. No way. Yes.
Flavors? Yes. Three different flavors. What is it?
What do you think? I didn't say any flavors. Strawberry. Vanilla.
Blueberry. Blueberry raspberry flavored blue cream, lemon flavored white cream, and cherry flavored red cream. Boo. Stacked in the same iconic order as the Bomb Pop.
America. So the triple stuffed Firecracker Pop Oreos hit retailer shelves nationwide beginning May 4th, that's this weekend. Everybody try to get it so we can eat money here. I will try and obtain this for you.
Three sleeves. We just need three cookies. He can buy 'em for his family and just bring in three cookies. You know his problem with cookies.
I know, that's why I'm trying to just get three. My problem with cookies? Yeah, didn't you cheat on Leeds? You cheated on Jesus with your cookies.
Didn't you eat sugar Jesus cookies before the Easter? No, dummy, it was the donuts. Oh, that's right. Don't call me dummy, he said it.
Well, it's the same thing, first of all, just without a hole in it. Donuts like a cookie with a hole in it. I need to jump to you real quick. Are you on you right now?
Uh, sure. Okay, are you really on you? Maybe. Don't lie to me.
Turn the screen. I'm not turning the screen off. I will twist your head off and put the screen up. Okay.
Now that the audience can see, go back to you. Let's give them a good look. Okay. I'm the one that has problems with cookies.
Wow. See? That's what happens when you come for me. Oh, he called you chubby.
That's what happens when you come for me. You admitted to Jesus. I didn't do anything to Jesus with the cookies. I did the Jeezes with the cookies.
He did the Jeezes with the donuts. I did the Jeezes with the donuts. Totally different. And they were Krispy Kreme and they were delicious.
You have a sugar problem. I do. I do. And I know you like cookies.
But listen, if I brought the Oreo firecracker cookies in here, you're going to tell me you're going to eat one? Well, no. I don't want the one. Well, maybe, yeah, because the flavors sound horrible.
I don't like lemon in anything. I am not a big fan of lemon either, except lemon candy. But other than that, I don't like lemon either. Yeah.
Like lemon heads I'm cool with. Yeah, lemon heads I'm cool with. Like lemon-cooked fish or something? No, ugh.
Lemon-cooked fish? Yeah. You know, they put lemon on the seafood? Yeah.
I don't like that. Okay. You know, they squeeze it and it's in the little thing. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, lemon cream sounds weird. All right, well... It might be good. I'm in.
I want two. I want two. Back to me. You should eat three, actually, so...
If you can guess the number of Oreo firework cookies That Phil Eats on tomorrow's show, you may win a knuckle sandwich hat. Oh. So you gotta comment on this one to guess, and it has to be up before the next show. On whatever day we do that on, nobody knows.
Chet says 12. Whatever day we do that on? " You always ruin the magic. That's your shirt.
What? I ruin the magic. Did I ruin the magic? Yeah.
Palmer. Spicy Palmer ruins the magic. Spicy Palmer ruins the magic. Yeah, and then put an image of the...
They're only going to be sold for a limited time. Fans are already excited to grab a pack with some, calling them a must and saying they look amazing in an Instagram post by Snackalator. I'm going to buy three packs. Three packs?
Three... That way you know there's a plenty here. Yeah, that's like 120 cookies. It's scary that you know that.
Yeah, I mean, yeah. 40 a pole? Yeah. There's 40, there's 40 Oreo cookies a pole?
I think so. - I don't think so. How does he know that? - That's pretty close.
- That's incredible. - I mean I eat Oreos. - If that's accurate. - I have no idea.
- How many Oreos are in a pack of cookies? - Are you calling Oreo? - There's four sleeves. - Hello, Oreo Hotline.
- 36. God damn, that was close. - That was close. - That's pretty impressive, dude.
Not gonna lie. And I'm the one with the cookie problem. - Oh, they like odd numbers. - 36 is an even number.
- Yeah, I got news for you, dude. 36 is not an odd number. - No, I mean like sleeves of nine. It still doesn't work?
9, 18, 27, 36, right? No, it's 27. No, 9, 18, 27, then... So there's four sleeves?
This is even funnier now. No, it's not. 9 times 3, Palmer. 9 times 3 is 18.
Yeah, sure. Oh, no, I'm sorry, I thought you said 6 times 3. This is great. I love this.
9 times 3, Palmer. Alright, Britney Spears was charged with a... Hold on. So if there were four rows of nine, there would be 36.
However, I don't think that there are four rows in the Oreo pack. There's three rows, I think there's three rows. So if there were only three rows, Phil, let's do some first grade math. How many are going to be in each row?
Twelve. Thank you. Twelve. The two of you-- I wasn't doing any of it, but he was.
The two of you share one brain cell between the two of you. Nine times two is 37, what did you say? What? Keep quiet over there.
Okay, we're going to the next story. Britney Spears was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Golly, poor Britney. Surprise, surprise.
First time she's been caught, I guess. First time she's done it. Britney Spears has been charged with a misdemeanor DUI. With drugs?
No. Nearly two months after she was arrested for allegedly driving erratically on a Southern California highway. The Ventura County District Attorney's Office on April 30th announced it had filed one misdemeanor count of driving under the influence of any alcohol and drugs. But it's okay, I have money now, my dad's gone.
Spears did unlawfully while under the combination influence of any alcoholic beverage and drug drive a vehicle, prosecutors allege. Singer will be arraigned in Ventura County. Are you with us or are you gonna... I'm with you.
Are you texting Brittany? Messaging Danny in person. County Superior Court on May 4th. Whether she will attend in person is unknown.
As her attorney is permitted to appear on her behalf, she doesn't have to be there. She's very important. Right. But she has also checked herself into a rehab center, so that's probably why she won't be there.
Again. Okay. Well, I mean, we let her off the leash. She lost, it did not happen?
Well, her old boyfriend, what's his name, he got his driving drunk, so she wanted to do. Justin Timberlake. to do just in timberlake oh no i think but wasn't she like yeah she shaved her head yeah it was crazy that was a long time ago you leave her alone no but they had like a thing like her dad was in charge of her yeah she's on her own yeah that's what i said she's been emancipated now she's loose been emancipated anywhere now she's running as i can now she's running rampant when she's driving around drinking and driving cali is that where she's at yeah southern california doesn't everybody Is there a body drinking drive in Southern California? Isn't that a thing over there?
Seems like there are a lot of celebrities driving around. Yeah, aren't there like no consequences in California? That's why she didn't get in trouble? Yeah, she's gonna plead guilty to reckless driving involving alcohol or drugs.
Also known as wet reckless. Okay. I'm sure she was. Wow.
Sorry. Oh, geez, look at you. With the dirty talk over there. P.
Cannon Girl. That was a legit news story. I didn't make that up. I can't make the news.
I can't make the news. I just report it. I mean, I looked it up and it was everywhere, but it does look a little... I mean, that's crazy.
Funny part is, I've had a lot of people tell me they get all their news from me. Both people. Isn't that ridiculous? You're not the only one.
I love it. Both people look fake. You're the number one media source in the world. Apparently.
People need to know about the Oreo firecracks. And the sperm races. Yeah. I mean, these are big stories.
You know what, though? Here's the thing, though. These are great stories and they're fun to hear. I don't need to hear the garbage that I see all the time.
Right, I never do a death story. People send me that stuff. I'm like, no, we don't do dead people. It's so ridiculous.
Nothing depressing. Or whatever. Or, you know, like, so-and-so's racist and all of this crap and whatever. I'm like, oh my god, give it a rest.
I don't, you know, like... There was a lady arrested the other day for doing videos where they're burning monkeys. That's terrible. I'm like, I'm not doing that story.
That's terrible. I'm not covering that. That doesn't sound like fun. No.
They go, I thought you were into animal stories. We went into animal stories. I did one thing about the sloths and we followed it to the end. If it's funny.
Yeah. Well, that wasn't funny. They died. It was sick.
It still is kind of humorous. Poor bandit. Some guy was, you know, building like a... Sloth world, a basement park.
Yeah. And all of a sudden we find out he's torturing sloths. Yeah, exactly. Like, for one, who the hell builds sloth world?
Like, who gave... Oh, there isn't one. Nobody has one. Right.
Who greenlit that idea? Probably the tiger guy who has no tigers. Lord of Fish and Wildlife gave him a permit. Nothing frustrates me more than dumb people having more money than me.
I'm like, what? There's a lot of them. Yeah. I'm like, how?
But how? Well, cocaine. So if she gets filed guilty, she'll get 12 months of probation in which she's required to complete a DUI class and pay state mandated fines and fees. Ooh, California, probably a lot.
It's at least $7 million. Yeah. I would guess. 50.
They gave $30 billion to the homeless and their homeless went up. Yeah. He wants to be homeless. Apparently it's an thing, apparently it pays well.
It's a thing to do there. It pays well, right. It pays well in California. 30 billion dollars.
I wonder whose bank account those went to. Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's not over there. In Georgia, California?
Is he the governor? I thought he was back in Austria. He's not the governor anymore. Oh.
Did he move back to Austria? He's got a house in Austria. Well, yeah. I mean, he has to.
I mean, he's a big guy. He's probably got houses everywhere. Probably. He probably, though, he probably lives in Florida.
No, he lives in California. Oh, yeah, a lot of people moving out of California because of the taxes. Texas? Texas, yeah, Texas.
No, taxes, not Texas. No, it's probably where you pay, is what he's saying. Yeah, they moved to Texas. For the taxes?
Right. Right. All beef? Live next door to Uncle Skip.
All right, teens drive a lawnmower through Target, use a leaf blower at Culver's, all to become social media famous. I knew that that wasn't going to be about, like, hey, let's, this is a great idea. This is a great idea. Did you see the video?
They couldn't even get it through the door. They broke the door trying to get it into the store. No. Two 18-year-olds facing criminal charges after a pair of social media stunts caused property damage, endangered people.
According to the Ocala Police Department, Janik Skarsdek and Luke Charski-- In Florida. --were arrested for disorderly conduct following an incident this past Saturday in which Skarsdek drove a lawnmower, a zero-turned lawnmower. - What's his last name? - Skarsdek, Starzdek, oh, it could be Szczepadek, S-C-H, S-Z-K, it's Polish.
- Okay. - Is it D-E-C-K or...? - S-Z-K-A-R-A-D-E-K. - Couple Slavic boys out here running these streets.
- Running streets in Ocala, going, "You know, you ever got an idea? " - This'll be good for YouTube. - I mean, in Ocala, that sounds kind of normal. - They damaged the door, Sharski recorded the stunt on camera, police say the night before, they entered the Culver's restaurant at Southwest College Road and used a leaf blower inside the building, they blew ice cream and stuff everywhere.
- Sarsdek faces charges of criminal mischief, disorderly conduct for Culver's incident, as well as separate disorderly conduct charge for the target incident. - We gotta build on this momentum. - Right, we're big now, we gotta keep going. - Well, what happened, what do you think would have happened, what was the next step?
The blower at Culver's, Lawn Mower at Target, what do you go, where do you go from there, Phil? They break the ice cream machine at McDonald's. Something, that's probably already broken. Something at Walmart, it's gotta be Walmart, they're going bigger.
No, don't fix that. I got news for you, the McFlurries, they're no longer McFlurries, it's just soft ice cream, they just dump some of the stuff on top. Yeah, they're called mix-ins. Yeah.
Something at Walmart? I think Walmart would've been the next move. What do you, what do you drive into Walmart? You do cart races down the main aisle.
That's normal, we did that when we were kids. It's not as bad as the lawnmower? No. So they had to trailer it there or drive it there.
Right. I'm telling you, this is a cow. Go-kart inside Walmart. I just don't think we're there.
A cow. They bring a live cow. Ooh, an animal? A farm animal.
A large animal. It's gotta be a large farm animal. A cow, a horse, a sheep, a goat, something of size. Okay.
That sounds good. That's where it would've went. I think so, I think that would've been next. I think so, too.
What are you, Phil? Phil? He's still stuck on the cannon, lady. Yeah, I'm still looking at her photo.
He's over at ChatGBT and show me her cannons. How to get raped at work. Wow. Wow.
How much date rape drugged and I still remember what happens? Still remember. Is that gonna be a new requirement on the... No.
On the hiring? He does have a new employee upstairs. You know what's great, though? P.
Morgan, though. Watch those feed down there. You're getting close to the camera leg. P.
Morgan? Well, I heard that a lot of investment businesses like that that they do, money management or whatever, a lot of them are not doing well. P. Morgan's customers?
Yeah, that one. They're fooling around all day long. They're not working anymore. What's the one that starts with the E?
E-commerce. No, is it Edward? Edward Cizzerain. No.
I'm good at this game. I like this. Merrill Lynch? No.
Keep going. Starts with E. Edward Jones, right? Did I say E-Trade?
E-Trade. E-Trade. Yeah, Edward Jones. Edward Jones?
Yeah, I heard they were doing really bad, too. He cuts my grass. He cuts your grass? Edward Jones.
That's how rich you are. Yeah. No, I cut my own grass. I don't have a big enough yard now.
I should have had somebody cut it at the other place. Like I didn't die of a heart attack. Yeah, you smoked some of those number ones. What?
What's a number one? From the show. Okay. Next story?
Yeah. Substitute teacher at Lake Mineola High School was arrested on Monday after she was caught acting erratically in class. Ooh, drugs. m.
" Oh, that's the emergency button they all wear around their neck. Boop, boop! They wear life alerts? It's kind of like a life alert.
So there's a button in every classroom that they can hit when they need help. But when they can't touch the button, they can push this little medallion around their neck and it sends a signal. Okay. Upon arrival to the classroom, the deputy found the sub identified as Angela Faith Jordan yelling incoherently stating that they should put her in prison for life.
That's what she was yelling? That's what she was yelling. Investigators say they learned that before their arrival, Jordan had been yelling, slamming her hands on a desk, making inappropriate statements at students and twerking in the classroom. -Who hit the button?
-I had to be a teacher in another room, I guess. Or maybe she did. I mean, she wants to be arrested. Maybe she hit her own button.
-Can't wait to make this a video. -This included telling students that she would engage in sexual activity with them and referring to herself as a million-dollar prostitute. -Well, you can't really engage with students at that kind of price point. -Right, they can't afford that.
-Yeah, it's ridiculous. -Right. -Maybe only the principal. -Maybe she's giving out samples.
- Like Costco? - Yeah. - That was hence the twerking. - The twerking, right.
- Check this out. - Here's what you can get. - Right. - Can you guys pool your money?
- All that and more. - Who's got the most lunch money? Let's see what we can do here. - All right, reach out.
- We're taking bids. - Reach out to your parents. - Reach out to your parents. - Yeah, who's got a single dad?
- Anybody got a trust fund? - What state was this in? - Lake County, Florida. - Oh, Florida again.
- Florida again. A lot happens in Florida. It's funny, the news. It's 'cause we have that sunshine law where everything becomes public records, So they find out all the bad stuff.
Oh, is that how that works? Yeah. That's what happens. That's great.
Don't come here. It's terrible here. Don't come here. It's terrible here.
Unless you have a million dollars and you won't put your kids in Lake County. I don't want to deal with you either. Don't come here. I don't care.
Need more juice. Yeah, get it going. Let's go, spicy. Alright, it's time for the industry's favorite game.
Wait, that was it? We're at 48 minutes. Now you do watch the score. We got a solid hour.
I got a video. Oh, yeah. I forgot. He's got a video.
Sorry, you didn't yesterday. I didn't understand. I had to provide the video. Had to bring it all yesterday.
Nice. You know what? So, hey, wait, now we're gonna do Cigar News. You know what's in Cigar News?
What? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Nothing's happening in the cigar world. Everybody's shipping their words.
All the bigwigs are out fishing down on the Keys except us. Half Wheel's still doing all their stories about everything. Did you just call us a bigwig? No, we're not a bigwig.
You said all the bigwigs except us. Yeah, we're bigwigs. We're the mediumwigs. All right.
I want to get on that fishing trip. Yeah. I can't afford it. Yeah.
You can talk to Fred Rui. I can't afford it, though. He doesn't really like me, I don't think. You don't think so?
No. I think I annoy him. Really? I think so.
What gave you that idea? I can tell the way he talks to me. Hmm. But he talks to you.
It's fine. I'm okay with it. It's okay. I'm not hurt.
I stole Paul from him, so it's okay. You stole what? I stole Paul. I think that's part of the problem.
That's probably what it is. That's part of the problem. So I sent you guys a video. Oh.
Did you send it to my friend Chet over here so he could see it too? You gotta include the audience, Michael. That's why they keep coming back. I don't have a video.
No video. I, too, have no video. This video's too long. Oh, there it is.
Oh, there it is. I can't send it to Chet, he's a Green Dot. Are you a Green Dot? No more iPhone?
Why is it so blurry? Oh, maybe that's the right number. Oh, he's got a number. He changed his number when he dumped all of us.
When he broke up with us? When he broke up with us. Except Phil. No more calls.
No more calls from that crowd. Can I play the audio? Yeah, it just gives you a hard time. " And obviously, we laugh about it, because we all agree that it's not true.
So why did this one case move you so? Actually, let me stop you right there. Probably it's because he smoked that he's doing so well. Okay, we need to back up.
How do we get there? Well, I have a whole chapter in Gut Check looking at the healthiest, longest living people, and one of the unique features of most of the Blue Zones is that, particularly the men, are heavy smokers, and the smoking, actually the nicotine in cigarettes, is one of the best mitochondrial uncouplers that's ever been discovered, and we've looked at this through the wrong lens. We said, wow, what other healthy lifestyle things are these guys doing that's preventing smoking from harming them? In fact, we should have looked at it the other way.
What is it about these people who are smokers that allows them to live to 105, 110 years old? And when you do that, then you say, okay, smoking was good for them. Why don't we see the oxidative stress that smoking we all know occurs? So halfway through, you cut it down.
And it's because the rest of their diet, the prices just went a double. No. They let cigarettes out, does he get into cigars later? He's just talking about nicotine content in general.
Right. It's good for myocardial infarction or whatever he said. So the guys, so I started to go down this rabbit hole with the possibility of nicotine consumption actually being healthy for you. They don't really tap into cigarettes, or they don't really tap into cigars.
The guy's name is Steven Gundry, and the book that he's referencing is a book called Gut Check. Now, he's definitely controversial in some of his things. Apparently, from what I read, supposedly there was a baby that possibly needed heart surgery, He's a heart surgeon, and he figured out how to heal this kid without a heart replacement or something like that. Made him smoke.
Yeah, that's why I'm picturing a little kid smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Here, Billy, you need me to start smoking these. Hold on, Terry Jr.
I don't know. I don't know. I feel great, Doc. I'm five years old.
You know what? No matter the outcome. What do you think of this? Let me ask you that.
I mean, I don't like the cigarette idea. I mean, I don't like the cigarette idea. There's got to be a bad part of the cigarette other than just to get the nicotine. Remove the cigarette.
There's the simple aspect of smoking. Is it possible that maybe it isn't as bad for you as you think and maybe it's more diet related with the nicotine? Are we talking about cigarettes or just nicotine in general? Smoking.
I have to remove cigarettes from this equation because it's not a cigarette hustler. Right. Don't yell at me. Well, you're frustrating me.
Well, the guy's talking about smoking cigarettes. Okay, but listen to me. I'm in the room with you. But you asked me do I agree with the guy.
For the third time, I have said-- Yes, I think nicotine is good for you. I don't see an ill effect of nicotine. They've done studies where the nicotine's not the bad part. Okay.
What about you, Phil? I'm absolutely not gonna say the word bleep. So, I think maybe this could be possible. Say it!
Tell him you don't like those. I think it could be possible. My wife has a cigar every afternoon when she gets home from school just about, and it takes the edge off for her. Right.
Dude, I mean, you want to pull blood work on me, I'm hitting all the check marks. Right. I take care of myself. Right.
I'm extremely healthy. Sure. So, you know, there's like something doesn't make sense. I'm not some kind of, I know I'm using my.
Yeah, I don't like to have the large. Yeah, it's weird. I just wanted something to throw at you. That's what I mean, the large pointy thing, that would hurt.
I stole this. Why do you always tell us you're gonna have a heart attack before us? What? Why do you always say you're gonna have a heart attack before us?
Why am I? Because genetically, from a genetic standpoint, my family is notorious for heart problems. My dad died of a heart attack. My aunt, when she got COVID, she had heart failure.
You know, now listen, like they had, I think they had other underlying health issues. I think that, you know, they didn't make the healthiest life choices as far as food consumption and what they ate, even though my aunt tried to be healthier, was definitely healthier than my dad, was not, still not at the level. The COVID weakened her heart. No, but like, you know, there's something to be said about watching what you eat, exercising, and doing all of these things that I think are very beneficial for you.
Is it just the two relatives who had a heart problem? Those are the two that are always in my brain. That you know of? I mean, it's not like you had a grandfather that died of a heart.
I mean, you probably don't know. On their side? No, he didn't die of heart disease. It was far worse.
Oh. And my grandmother had, what your mom has? Ah. Alzheimer's?
Dementia, they're calling it until it gets to a certain point. It's a new term. Right. Well, then, I mean, your dad could be an anomaly in your family, though, because, like you said, he didn't really take care of himself, and the ant, the COVID probably brought on the heart problem, so, I mean, you might not be, you know, three strikes, you're out.
Yeah, I mean, I'm going to do everything I can to take care of myself. Sure. stay here as long as possible right to be a terrible nuisance for my kids right smoke more cigars but my point is that i don't think that cigars are unhealthy right no i don't think so yeah i haven't because i love it when somebody says oh i'm like you want to pull blood work dude let's compare right let's compare how much do you drink oh okay got it right let's talk about that all these other things that are socially acceptable but meanwhile we're fighting over here like you know what are we doing when in the meantime i like i don't know man for me i like i would love to see somebody work as hard as all of us and and not lose their minds because we all not him but me and you we do a lot wow right yeah we do a lot yeah my wife complains all you do is work all you do is work all the time like we're trying to build something right it takes all of this Sure. And what happens is other people notice, like, damn, they're doing a lot, like, yeah, right.
But, like, I don't-- I don't know if I heard it once, I heard it a thousand times at the show, I don't know how you guys do five days. Right. Like, but I don't have a-- I don't go home thinking, oh my god, my chest is popping out, you know, like, oh. Like, none of that's happening as I'm doing all this.
I'm like, I'm on to the next day, you know? And I think the cigars actually help, keep a level head and keep it moving. So, it doesn't make sense. And, you know, I think that this is a conversation that I think that you're going to see it appearing more and more until there's actually some evidence, some scientific evidence saying, yeah, you know, nicotine isn't that bad, and cigars, yeah, not so bad.
So, that's my point. That's why I wanted to show that video. Gotcha. You know, I'm sorry, it was very boring for you.
No, no, it's fine. It was great for me, but I'm not a hard worker, so. No, you work hard, Phil. At avoiding work.
Until about noon. Until about noon. Because that's when the anxiety kicks in. I'm here.
I had to rush back to get here to you guys. You love the show. I do love the show. We love that you're in the show with us.
I appreciate that. Let's not get carried away. It would not be the same without him. No, it would not be the same.
It's never the same when I'm not here. I know that. It would not be the same without him. But we're looking.
So if you're interested in being stupid, give us a call. - Do you have an X chromosome? Can you hit buttons? You may be the candidate.
- Do you have a trained monkey that can speak? - Hey, these buttons are a lot harder than most things. - That can do math. - Well, apparently it's not a job qualification to do math.
- That can do math for any of the chairs in the room. - That can do math in multiples of nine. - Do you like Oreo cookies? You are the one for us!
- All right, go on. - Are you with us? Are you with us? No.
Sorry, I got a lot of text messages. Alright, time for the industry's favorite game. What's the score? Today's Cigar, November 9, 2022.
Patrick LaGreed, 1502 Cigars, 1502 Anafisario 10. Enrique. My first or your first? I'll go first, you go first the next time.
I'll take a 86. 82. Would you like to play? Chat says 88.
Chat says 88. Cigar reviewed 1502 anniversary. Can you see the screen? No, I don't want you to see the screen.
You'll see the number at the end. 1502 anniversary 010 country of origin Nicaragua factory tabula cara AJ Fernandez cigars De Nicaragua, wrapper, Ecuador Habano, binder, Mexican, San Andreas, filler, Nicaraguans, a 6x50 Toro, and they smoked free. 88. 82.
Checo's 90, and I like his analogy. The cigar delivers, with clue number one, the cigar delivers a well-balanced, medium, full profile, with rich earthiness, pepper, and evolved. Revolving notes like nuttiness and chocolate, showing solid complexity without becoming overwhelming. 88.
84. What? 84. Chet says 90.
Clue number two: construction and performance are standout, easy draw, even burn, and consistent smoke output across all samples, reflecting high quality craftsmanship from Tablacalera, AJ Fernandez de Nicaragua. 89. Eighty-nine. Eighty-five.
I'm gonna stick with 90. Chad again says 90. Thank you. Third and final clue, the ash can be inconsistent with chunks dropping unexpectedly, unexpectedly.
And the flavor profile simplifies in the final third, losing some of the earlier sweetness and depth. Eighty-nine. Eighty-five. Yeah, I'm gonna stick with 90.
thought, Aniversarius call for special cigars. Anniversaries, I guess it is. Call for special cigars and by a large, I would call the 1502 Anniversario 10 a special cigar. While there is a bit of variance in the specific flavor profiles of each of the three samples I smoked, none veered too far off the script and each was very enjoyable.
The profile is rooted in earthiness This is an impressive cigar from Enrique Sanchez. He does a fantastic job celebrating 10 years and hopefully setting the stage for the next 10 years of the 1502 brand. 91. 92.
90. 91. Oh! They sound like they're on.
There you go. Oh, there it goes. this is what happens when I win only when he wins boots wins nothing happens yeah boots wins nothing okay next round yeah I have another one if you want to keep going okay sure all right second cigar December 7th 2023 Brooks Whittington cigars it's from Honduras it is the Aladino Aladino, Sumatra, Toro. Oh, 87.
Oh, nice smell of burning something. Uh, 88. 87. Chet says 87.
Aladino, Sumatra, Toro, from Honduras, Fabrica de Puros, Aladino, at Las Lomas, Hamestran. Good job. Rapper is Honduras, Sumatra, Binder, Honduras, Filler, Honduras. It's a 6x52 Toro, they smoked three of them.
87. 88. 87. 87 for Chet.
The flavor profile is layered and consistent, led by creamy cashew and cedar, with supporting notes like cinnamon, cocoa, citrus, plus a smooth retrohale balancing caramel sweetness, and a white pepper. 88. 89. 88.
88. Chet says 88. Clue number two: Excellent overall construction where it counts. Draws are consistently easy with plenty of smoke production, making for an enjoyable smoking experience from start to finish.
88. 90. 91. Clue number three: Burn performance is the weak spot with all three cigars requiring touch-ups at different points, which interrupts an otherwise solid What experience?
88. 89. Chet moves to 87. Final thought.
I have rarely come across an Aladino blend that I have not enjoyed when it comes to flavors and the Aladino Sumatra Toro continues that trend. The profile is full of flavors that each complement each other nicely, including creamy cashews, cedar, white pepper, and Caramel Sweetness, as well as an interesting, albeit fleeting, mint note in the final third. Having said that, I experienced some significant construction issues when it came to the burn. In fact, all three of the cigars needed multiple corrections with my lighter to stay on track.
In the end, the Aladino Sumatra Toro is well worth the price of admission from a flavor standpoint, but you're sure to keep your lighter handy. The only thing they don't take off for is price. They didn't mention the price, did they? No, yeah, I'm just thinking about the touch-ups.
Eighty-six. It went low. Eighty-eight. It's 88.
Two! Two, baby! Two! That's right!
I'm covered. I'm covered in this stuff. In the dust, I know. It gets everywhere.
That's right! It sounds gritty when you walk through that part of the room. In the Island of Cigar Hustlers podcast, only one can be king. And I reign supreme.
The fire god is in charge. Yes! The sun must be shining today. Whoa!
It's hot in here today. Well, I mean, we did just light a fire twice. Is that what's getting hot all done? Yeah, the sun's shining.
Anything else to add, Mr. Palmer? That is it! The show is over!
Make sure you like and subscribe wherever you're viewing or listening to the show. com for our swag. com. Thank you very much for a lovely show.
" Yes, yes. Have a lovely, lovely Monday. All right, guys, we gotta go. Bye.
Bye. Goodbye.
Show Notes
On todays show we have a divorce that has the husband asking for just a bit to much, JP Morgan executive and Little brown boy make the news, new Oreo cookie, can’t they leave Brittany alone! Teens take a social media prank to far and finally we have a Million dollar prostitite as a sub in lake county…then a double what’s the score!