ACHP Episode 531 Skip Martin Plays What's The Score!

Episode Summary

Episode 531 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast finds Mike Palmer and co-host Mike flying without engineer Phil, filling the first half with the show's usual current-events riffing: the federal government deferring $1.3 billion in Medicaid reimbursements to California, a Frontier Airlines cabin that literally voted an unruly passenger off the plane, Florida halting sloth importation after the Orlando "Sloth World" deaths, a man arrested for stealing a 2002 fire truck from Leesburg International Airport, a Polish cow that swam to an island to escape slaughter, a Scientology "speed run" in Los Angeles involving little people looking for Tom Cruise, and Halo Top's Bluetooth "silent à la mode" spoon that puts your phone on Do Not Disturb while you eat ice cream.

The cigar news segment covers the Knoxville, Tennessee City Council voting 7-2 in favor of an ordinance banning indoor smoking in bars and music venues effective January 1, 2027 — with cigar shops, vape shops and other retail tobacco stores exempted — leading to a discussion of whether smoking policy should be left to business owners and nostalgia for smoking and non-smoking sections in restaurants and on planes.

The back half is the real meat: Skip Martin of RoMa Craft Tobac joins by phone (after failed attempts to reach Justin Andrews and Terence Reilly) for a double round of "What's The Score," guessing Halfwheel review scores clue by clue. Round one is Brooks Whittington's 2015 review of the Viaje Summerfest (actual score: 80), and round two is his redux of the Oscar Valladares Raw Dog (actual: 82), which Skip nails on the nose. Along the way Skip rants — profanely and affectionately — about being compared to AI for his long Facebook posts.

The conversation then turns genuinely educational as Skip breaks down the value and limits of cigar reviews and scoring (Halfwheel vs. Cigar Aficionado), why Nicaraguan filler is more forgiving than bland Dominican tobacco, his experience tasting Dominican leaf while working with Ernesto Perez-Carrillo, and the enormous variability of Ecuadorian Sumatra wrapper compared to the relatively uniform grades of Ecuador Connecticut. He discusses the Palestania Sumatra's less-pretty wrapper, tobacco deselected from Volstead, the "Mistakes Were Made" release, and his in-progress Visigoth project aiming for a heavy, dark Sumatra reminiscent of Ashton VSG.

In This Episode

1. 01
   No Phil, Antarctic Polar Bears & Listener Comments
   The hosts open without their engineer, joke about a fictional polar bear movie, and read listener comments from recent episodes.
2. 02
   Current Events Roundup
   California Medicaid reimbursements deferred, a Frontier Airlines cabin voting a passenger off the plane, Florida banning sloth imports, and a stolen Leesburg fire truck.
3. 03
   Polish Cow Escape & Halo Top's Bluetooth Spoon
   A cow that swam to an island to avoid slaughter inspires a cigar concept, and Halo Top releases a spoon that silences your phone.
4. 04
   Knoxville Bans Indoor Smoking in Bars
   The Knoxville City Council votes 7-2 for an ordinance banning smoking in bars and music venues from 2027, with retail tobacco shops exempt.
5. 05
   Skip Martin Joins What's The Score
   After striking out on other calls, Skip Martin picks up and spars with the hosts about being accused of writing Facebook posts with AI.
6. 06
   Round One: Viaje Summerfest 2015
   Brooks Whittington's Halfwheel review of the re-blended Viaje Summerfest gets guessed clue by clue — and the actual 80 surprises everyone.
7. 07
   Round Two: Oscar Valladares Raw Dog
   The shaggy-foot, wrapper-less Raw Dog redux lands at 82, which Skip guesses exactly to win the day.
8. 08
   Do Cigar Reviews Actually Matter?
   Skip argues Halfwheel's scoring is consistent and largely unbiased, and explains why reviews only have utility if a reviewer's palate matches your own.
9. 09
   Sumatra, Connecticut & the Visigoth Project
   Skip breaks down Ecuadorian Sumatra hybrids versus Ecuador Connecticut grades, average Nicaraguan versus bland Dominican filler, and his hunt for heavy dark wrapper for Visigoth.

Brands & Cigars Discussed

Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.

Transcript

Welcome to a Scar Hustler Podcast Episode 531. I'm Mike Palmer, your host. We have no Phil today in engineering. Yes.

He's shooting another movie, I heard. Oh, yeah? Yes. What is it?

" When a Polar Bear Eats You? That's what I heard. Oh yeah? I was also told there are no Polar Bears in Antarctica.

You beat me to it because that's what I was going to say. Craig told you as well, huh? Yes. Yeah, there's no Polar Bears in Antarctica.

So your point of the doors being unlocked for Polar Bears... Well, it said safety. It did say safety and emergency. But you were trying to state that it was based on Polar Bears.

Maybe it's a rogue Polar Bear. I was expressing to you that that's not accurate. That's not accurate. Maybe he took a flight to Antarctica.

No, I don't think so. Maybe. Polar bears only fly spirit, and that's now off the table. Oh.

Yeah. I told Craig we were doing a Cigar Hustle podcast relocation program with the polar bears. Yeah. Because there's none there.

There's plenty of room for them to all run around. Oh, okay. I guess that tracks. All right, my co-host, Mikey.

Do you have the shirt today? I do not have the shirt today. Mikey, I forgot the shirt again, Stefan Kevich. It's coming.

It's coming. It's made. What's the problem? " Is she wearing it?

No, no. She just let me know that, you know. Oh, well, that's good. At least somebody knows where it is then.

Mm-hmm. Excellent. That's half the problem you're of. Only half.

As long as she knows where it is. Yep. Does she still listen to the show? I can hear that rubbing against your collar now.

Yeah, I want you to do that. Okay, it's better. Yeah. All right.

Does she still listen to the show? No. She's giving up. She's giving it up.

We went to every day, and she's like, I'm done. Oh. Well, then I can't tell her to put it in your bag. I'll text her later.

Okay, you text her later. All right. On today's show, more California problems. Okay.

You can be voted off a plane. Like we can get a general consensus of everybody on the plane? You have to wait until we get to the story. Okay.

Fire trucks go fast. Okay. How many Polish cows does it take to escape from a farm? Polish cows.

They're Polish cows, my friend. Okay. Tom Cruise and the Little People, I Need a New Spoon, and in Cigars, Tennessee is closed, and then we have a double What's the Score? Me versus me?

I don't know how that's gonna work. That's just what I have on the teleprompter. Maybe we'll call somebody. Oh.

All right, but before we get started, how do you get some of that CH Pod swag, Michael? com a cigar hustlers podcast where we have our own special episodes every single week we review a cigar and then we talk even more insider baseball pay for the entire year up front you're gonna get 10% off and make sure you like and subscribe wherever you're viewing or listening to the show Because we love you. And we appreciate you. Comments?

Some comments. Comments. I just like to make a camera switch. Comments.

No, my comments. Still on me. Comments. No, my comments.

We're using auto-switching today. Where we discover that we really don't need film. I've been replaced by a machine. Okay.

Wow, that's loud. Yeah. You cough in the monitor. " Oh, he does live over that way, he told me.

That's my guy. Yeah. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate you.

S. " Great recovery, Mr. McGoomer. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't remember what you said. I don't either. The bear, or the polar bears in America too? I think so, I think we were talking about Antarctica and you said they're in the US too or something like that.

Ah. Yeah, like Antarctica was, you said Antarctica was part of America pretty much and I go, that's not right. Oh, did I? That's not right.

And then you said, they're in the US too. Yeah. I think it was the bears. Mm-hmm.

The bears. " I'm sure that that was uh - Yeah he was saying people don't eat eggs because they have gluten in it. That was what Phil said? Yes.

Well Phil's very special. You know what's funny is you were you know there's some posts on on the previous episode that I didn't talk about from 529 from when we recorded. I'll just give you a couple of those. @Lightning1993 says Phil needs a Playboy money bask.

That would be pretty funny. Oh. Yeah. Playboy money?

Playboy bunny. Oh bunny. Yeah. That would just be It could be the ears though, right?

Yeah, no, but it covers the front too. Oh, does it? Yeah. Excellent.

RealSmokePod says favorite part of the show. The announcement of the Sumatra is here. Can't wait to try it and get it on the show. And here it is right here again, just so you can see it, kind of.

Oh, that's when you announced it. I couldn't remember when you announced it. Yeah. Well, it arrived when we were talking.

And, you know, the listeners picked up on it. It hasn't, we haven't started really shipping it yet, because we're sorting through the inventory, We had an employee that helped with the inventory, and the inventory's all jacked up, so that's why we have Triple G still upstairs trying to sort that out. You know, the unfortunate thing is I can't fix everything, and when we rely on Greg, sometimes things are a little messy. Sometimes things get a little low.

Sometimes it may be good, sometimes it may be shit. Apparently it's something like we have 63 boxes, but there's four missing, but they ship 63 boxes, so he can't figure out why there's four missing. Yeah. It happens every time.

Every time. Every single time. Let me see. Anything else from 5:30?

Because there's still some more than 5:29. Team Money says he doesn't pick sides. Oh, my wife's calling. Oh, excellent.

Yeah. Oh, you didn't start the timer. Oh, the timer might have died. I can see it.

I can't see that part. Hey, I'm podcasting. Okay. Of course we are.

Everything good? Huh? D. Vance announced the federal government is deferring over a billion dollars, a billion with a B, in Medicaid reimbursements to California.

Whoa. Citing a failure by the state to combat systematic fraud. Okay. They're just letting it go through.

Anybody can apply for Medicaid in California, they just give it to you. Okay. 3 billion in Medicaid reimbursements from the state of California and the simple reason is because the state of California is not taking fraud very seriously so they're being punished. So, so we're not sending the billion now?

3 billion to California because they don't check to make sure all these people actually get it. Ah, okay, I mean, I don't know how all that works, but-- I'm not exactly sure either. I will tell you this, I mean, they spent like $30 billion on the homeless, and-- Well, they need homes. All they did was increase the homeless.

Right, more people showed up. Yeah, so, I mean-- Go to California, you're not homeless anymore. No, well, that's still not the case because they're still out on the streets. Well, we just want the money.

So, well, then if they gave it to the homeless, then they, you know, that would have made sense, I guess, to some degree, but that didn't happen either. Can't get Medicaid, though, if you're homeless. But it's safe to say that there's something wrong there, significantly wrong with the system, with all of their systems, right? I don't know about, right, just punishing and saying, you know.

Maybe it's 'til they get it straightened out. I don't know when they're ever gonna get it straightened out. I feel like I'm popping. Why do you feel like?

I can hear it. - I can't hear it. - I can, I can. - Well, turn your thing off, turn it back on.

Oh, it got so quiet now. This is so nice. - Okay. - Oh, now it's back on again.

- Yes. - So, anyway, next story. - Yep. - All right.

I can't see the timer. How much time did we go through in the first story? - You're at about 10 minutes right now. - All right.

A Frontier Airlines flight from Trenton To Atlanta, you know where Trenton is? Yes. New Jersey? Yes.

Became the setting for a unique display of cabin democracy. Okay. After an unruly passenger's erratic behavior led to a collective vote for her removal. Everybody got together as a unit.

" Aye! Everybody raise their hand. Yeah, I'll raise their hand. I'll raise their hand.

The incident began when the female passenger reportedly became aggressive and began yelling at folks shortly after boarding. Viral footage, 'cause you know everybody whoops out there. Shows the woman engaged in a heated argument with a fellow traveler, while another passenger, a woman in a blue hoodie, took an unconventional approach to de-escalate the situation by addressing the entire cabin. " Yeah.

" Somebody didn't raise their hand? Apparently someone abstained or something, I don't know. Maybe it was the crazy lady's husband. " Right, he should have to go too, I'd say.

You can go with her. "The Democratic removal was met with cheers and applause, As the disruptive passenger was eventually escorted off the plane by security. Twenty bucks says that person's a teacher. The one that was disgruntled?

No, no, the one that was... Oh, the one that raised your hand? that built the system. It makes sense, that built the system.

Yeah. Hey, here's what we're gonna do. If you want this... Pay attention, kids.

Yeah. Alright, I need everybody, everybody focus on me. Everybody, shh. Quiet time, quiet time.

Eyes on me, eyes on me. Okay, listen. Eyes on me, eyes on me. If you want her off the plane, raise your hand.

Perfect. Alright, let's get her out of here. " I don't hate the woman, I've just had enough of her, I've just had enough. Right, that's what the woman in the blue hoodie said?

Yes, the woman in the blue hoodie arranged the woman. Oh, she did like neutral party style. Right, she did a disclaimer at the end of it. Yeah.

" Right. Reflecting the general sentiment of a cabin tired of increasing traveler entitlement. While the airline eventually handled the removal through standard security protocols, security, we need security on the plane please, the footage of the vote has sparked a massive debate online about whether passengers should have more say in imagining disruptive behavior in the sky, now you know this is going to catch on, you think so, this is going to happen all the time, where there's voting rights, yeah people are going to be voting on planes, And eventually, someone who kicked off who didn't do anything, just somebody didn't like somebody. Here's the problem.

You give me that power, I'm going to entertain. First of all, boarding time is going to take an extra hour. " or, like, they don't even do anything. They're not even in yet.

" Yay or nay? Does this guy get in? Yay or nay? Get him out of here.

Get him outta here. Well, you gotta wait 'til there's some people in there to vote. No, no, it starts one at a time. I will vote the first person in.

Oh, you vote the first person in. You're okay. Okay, now you gotta pay attention. Okay, now you sit right here.

Yeah. Now help me with the next one. Right. No?

Sorry, ma'am, you're not coming in. He said no, I don't wanna tell you. Did you see the footage from the Frontier thing? This is how it works.

This is the process. Oh, my God, dude. So frustrating, all the stuff I'm dealing with. Oh, I thought it was another phone call.

So this is good customer service on Frontier? This is Frontier? This is where it happened? The one was on Frontier, yeah, the blue hoodie lady was on Frontier.

She's a teacher. Because it's cheaper flights on Frontier? No, no, I'm just debating, I'm disregarding the fact that you said it's Frontier, just the system that she implemented. Just the system, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe she's a government worker. She should run for mayor or something. Maybe she works at the DMV or something. I know that there's an opening in LA that she could take over.

- She could take over. - California, we don't know exactly where it is. - In LA. - Was it LA?

- Yeah. - Oh. - Zing Wang. - Mrs.

Wang is no longer available for comment, but she's in jail. - She's in jail, go around that. - Eating the bologna sandwich. - All right, let's see, does everybody want this?

Looks like they all want this. - Looks like everybody wants a bologna sandwich, hand them out. - Yeah, start passing out the bologna sandwiches. - What if this lady in the blue hoodie now has got, she's gone power crazy, she does this everywhere.

She's at a restaurant. They tell her she can't have her table. Can we all vote if this guy needs to leave? It looks like he's not eating.

Maybe that's just her thing. She does that everywhere. Do you know who I am? Do you know who I am?

I am the blue hoodie. I am the voter person. We will determine if you get to do what you want to do or not. She's going to wear that blue hoodie like it's a badge.

What happens when you find yourself at like a 50/50? You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Sometimes it's got to be a tiebreaker.

It's Blue Hoodie, who's been neutral this entire time, now they're deciding factor. Oh, and now she gets to break the tie. Gets a little complicated at that point, you know what I'm saying? Until she has ultimate power.

Right. Right. You know? Frontiers should just hire her to get on every single plane before this starts.

I just like the voting of if they can stay or not. Because here's what I would do. I would say, okay, here's some simple parameters of things that I don't appreciate. Things I don't like.

Pajamas. You know? Right. I hate pajamas.

I know that drives you. It actually doesn't bother me at all. They're like, hey, if you're coming in, yeah, but whatever. I don't care because they're traveling.

Pajamas and socks. Hey, let them be comfy. You know, you used to travel, you had to wear like a suit. Yeah.

I mean, that's before my time too, but. That's not before your time. Yes, it is. No, it's not.

Used to smoke cigars on the planes too. Yeah. What do you mean used to? You don't smoke on the plane.

It's a federal offense now, you end up in jail. No, what I did was I did a, is everybody okay with me smoking this cigar? And they all raised their hands. So then I was fine.

I said, you know, you guys can sit back down. So, okay. All right. We have an update.

You have an update? It's a double update. A double? I don't remember his name, but the sloth.

So we have an update on a person we don't know? No, no. It's the sloth that was still sick. Yeah.

He's still sick. He's fighting for his life. Okay. I didn't even know there was another one that was sick again.

No, this is the last one we talked about. His name's like Ginger or something. Oh, I thought we were all on a point where the other ones were fine and the other ones have died and that's it. No, there was still one that was on the watch list.

Ginger? Ginger, that's it, he's fighting for his life. Okay. But that's not the update.

Okay. Florida wildlife officials are stopping the importation of sloths to the state of Florida. We've had enough. No more.

We have killed enough sloths in Florida, we don't need any more. In the wake of the death of dozens of sloths meant for the Orlando attraction. So they're going, That's it. No more sloths.

We apparently can't handle them here. We don't know what we're doing with the sloths. No more sloths are allowed in the state of Florida. It gets too cold here.

It's too cold. It's too hot. We don't have the right food. It's too rigid.

It's terrible here for the sloths. So we just shut it down. So yeah. So no more applications.

I'm sorry. You can't bring your sloth in. No more sloths. No more sloths.

We're at sloth capacity. Yes. Okay. And they're thinking about tearing down the sloth world death camp.

What? I have just named it. That's what we're calling it. - We should memorialize this thing, you know what I mean?

- Just put statues of the dead sloths inside? - No, like leave it as is, and then just, yeah, just, you know. - Let it just crumble and decay naturally? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then just kind of mark it off, you know.

- We should make the guy live in it who opened up sloths. - That guy's on the lam. - He's still, yeah, nobody knows where he is. - He's out of here.

- He's hiding with the one sloth that is alive. - Yeah, and the one turtle that he captured from the previous place. - Yeah, the turtle and the sloth, he's got two of them now. - Yeah.

- Oh, I wonder with a sloth and a turtle. All the trouble I have to go to to get this. - Yeah. - What if they find out he like poisoned all of this?

He really dislikes sloths desperately. - He's a hate, he's a sloth hater? - Sloth hater. And allegedly he just set this up as his own little, way to rid the world of sloths.

- It sounds as like absolute neglect. Like this guy was-- - But it was! - This guy was just so focused on trying to make money and he was delusional at the fact that sloth world was gonna crash. There's just no way.

- Let's say it worked. None of the sloths died. - Okay. - He got it all set up, it's over on iDrive.

- Yeah. - Are you and the children and the wife going to slothworms? - He's closed on a solid 90 days. - Right, I mean, how did it...

- They don't move much. - Right. Oh, this one's, ooh, look jingy. - They get hanging.

- Yeah. - But they're little hook hands. - Yeah. - And you're walking through looking at all of them.

- Like, where's the parlay? Are we selling stuffed animals on the way out? - Well, I'm sure you're selling stuffed animals in t-shirts. - Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't see it working. - I don't either. It's so odd that he would pick a sloth. It's not like it's a, you know, a high demand, people want to know more and, you know, interact with.

- He probably got an investor. He's probably undercapitalized and that's why they died. - I think they showed up early too. - Yeah.

- But that one, the one group of them was emaciated. I didn't say the word. So I think maybe those, like we said, maybe got those on like a black market distribution. - It seemed like a black market discount.

- I heard they were emancipated. - Well, that's how they got here. - Yeah. - But when they got here, they were emaciated.

- Oh. - See, when they let you start taking care of yourself, that's what happens. - Right. Yeah.

I haven't been able to take care of myself for years. - Yeah, I know. - It's called marriage. You know?

- I don't know. - No, you don't know that? You're not married? - Several times.

- Several times? - Apparently I'm not good at it. - Yeah? Your wife doesn't-- Your wife doesn't keep it on lock?

I know. It's always itching. It's annoying. No, but it's not underneath bothering me today.

It's the actual nose. The t-shirt I have on under my thing itches, too. It's driving me crazy today. You're a train wreck.

I am. I thought I was a train wreck. I'm a wreck today. And then I'm looking at you.

My wife keeps the house nice and tidy and clean and tells me how I keep making a mess. I don't know. So she does? Yeah.

So she takes care of you to some degree? Sure. Okay. There's always got to be some ridicule in that.

You know what I mean? Well, I mean, there's always, I mean, we're men, there's something we're not doing right every day. There's gotta be some criticism. Certainly.

Do you criticize your wife's cleaning at the house? Do I criticize my wife's cleaning? I mean, you just said there's always criticism for the men. What am I, crazy?

Yeah, exactly, right. No. " No. This is...

But there's a difference. I mean, I gotta be honest, I've let everybody in the house try and vacuum the house. Right. And it's just frustrating to me.

So you're the only one that vacuums? I prefer, no, I'm not the only one that vacuums, but I prefer to vacuum at least once a week. Right. To get everything.

Oh. Like, because, you know, the dog hair is crazy. Yeah, yeah. And it gets in all the little crevices and stuff.

Well, you've got a hairy dog. And I want it all to disappear. So, yeah, I handle that, without question. Hmm.

" I just thoroughly address it once a week. - Yeah? - Yeah. - Well, yeah, we do a thorough cleaning on the weekend.

- Like, I move everything. - Yeah, she'll do that while I'm out doing all the yard work and stuff. - I'll move the couch, I'll move the fridge. - Oh, I don't think she, she doesn't do that.

- I move everything. - Seasonal, deep cleaning, it's called. - No, I hit all. - Where the baseboards and everything get hit.

- I hit everything. And I feel better for about a day. - Is that because nobody else can do it the way you want it? I feel like it's at a specific level.

Like it's, yeah. I go pretty hard in the paint on this. You know what I mean? So let's say you're sick and you don't feel good and Brittany does the vacuuming that weekend or whatever because you're not well.

Yeah. Do you lay there in bed and go, I got to get up a vacuum because. No, no. I think it'll be up to par.

It's not sufficient. It'll be up to par. Oh. You know, it just won't be at the level that I like it.

Right. But I'm satisfied with it. I think it's good. All right.

Now, if Jax did it, I forgot it. Well, that's one of the children. It was a dumpster fire. Right, I mean, you know, there's only so much you can expect.

" He does that right now, that's where- Victim? Yeah, that's his cry. Oh, yeah. Do you enjoy the food?

" At vacuuming, apparently, you do, so sit down. Yeah, it's wild. Teenage years are approaching. You know where you should take him?

To Slothworld? No, no, it's close. Oh. Leesburg Police Department.

Yeah? They've arrested a man for stealing a firetruck. - Why would I steal, why did I bring him there? - I'm just transitioning.

- That's a terrible segway. - The only line I saw was Leesburg police and I didn't remember what the story was. - Oh, okay, yeah, epic fail. - Anyway, they arrested a man for stealing a firetruck from the fire department.

That was parked at the Leesburg International Airport. I did not realize Leesburg had an international airport. - Yeah. - Have you seen it?

- No. - It doesn't look that big. Okay. Do you get to call it international if one plane comes in from out of the country?

Yeah. I don't even know where Leesburg is. Really? Yeah.

Where's Leesburg? On the north side of Sorrento? Oh, we're about 1,000 hearing it, buddy. I don't even know where Sorrento is.

That's where my mother lives. It's on the other side of that. Oh, so over here? Lake County.

Okay. All right. Anyway, the fire truck was parked at Leesburg International Airport on Tuesday, according to the arrest report. The incident began when a Leesburg Fire Department lieutenant from LFD Station 63, located in airport property, saw the 2002 fire truck designated U-63 #305 exit its parking space.

Believing it was a co-worker, the lieutenant jokingly raised his hand and waved. Hello? Hello? That's when the suspect, 55-year-old Thomas Sisson, rolled down the window, revealing he was unauthorized.

Oh, I know, I rolled down the window. - He blew his, he blew his cover right there. - Right. - Yeah.

" - Right. - The Lake County Sheriff's Office came and assisted with the investigation. System was later seen fleeing on foot, possibly attempting to burglarize or steal vehicles at dealerships across from the airport. - But it went for the fire truck.

- He took the fire truck from the airport, drove it across the street to the car dealership, and was trying to get cars to the dealership. - Because he was in this non, this very discreet vehicle. - Right, he probably realized, I waved, and I'm in a red truck. He was later apprehended and told officers he found himself at station 63 through an open door in the auto bay area.

Then he believed the building was unoccupied, that's where he found the truck with the keys inside and started it intending to leave the property while the vehicle. - It's a rookie move. - Probably with the vehicle. - It's a rookie move.

- To steal the fire truck? - No, to leave the keys in the vehicle. - Well, I mean, now those emergency vehicles, I imagine they do that all the time, because say like there's a fire and they need the truck, well, Phil's got the keys. - I mean, there should, well, there should be a spot for the keys.

- In the truck. - No, no, no. - Yeah, 'cause then way you don't have to go find them. - No, 'cause guess what, somebody else found them, then they started the car and then drove off.

- Well, they were in the truck. - Right. - But they have to leave them in the truck so they can start up and go. - So they put them in the visor or something.

- Well, the guy didn't say they were in the ignition, that's the first place everybody looks is the visor. - They're probably sitting in the-- - I've seen the movie, everybody always goes, bloop, it's always where they're at. - Yeah. - That's the first place I'm gonna look.

- You've seen the movies? - Yeah, in the movies it's always where they're at. - That's where it's at? - They always put 'em on the visor.

- So you think that's where it happens in the fire truck? - 'Cause the guy gets in, he looks around a little bit, and then he, oh. - How about the fact the fire truck's from 2002? How long does a fire truck stay in-- - Service?

- Yeah. - I imagine a long time. - Yeah? - Yeah, until it doesn't work anymore.

24-year-old truck. - How long does a fire truck normally stay in service? - A firetruck usually stays in service for about 12 to 15 years. - This is...

- 2002. - This is Leesburg, and this is the extra one to keep at the airport. - Okay, so this is past prime. - This is not the standard "we use this everyday" firetruck.

- I gotta be honest, I feel like the winner of the firetruck is this guy, Tom, or whatever. - He just gets to keep it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Hmm, I don't know.

- Like, you know, we can walk all of this back. You can say, "Hey, you know what? " What we did is we wanted to see if anybody would claim the truck, and now it's yours, congratulations. Congratulations.

We left the keys in, you know, if not, somebody's gonna get fired. Here's the pink slip, it was in the glove box. Right. Oh, that's all yours, it's signed over and everything.

But then you went to go steal the other cars, that was where you got asked. That was right, yeah. You know, if you would've drove away, they probably wouldn't have got him, at least not as fast. In the fire truck?

Sure, you click on the siren and you just haul ass. You just go. Just go, floor it. Boom!

Boo, woo, woo, you know, and then you just drive, you know, people are pulling away, they're getting out of your way in the road and everything. If you had a firetruck, would you drive it daily? Sure. Yeah?

Just to and a fro? Publix? I don't think that's legal. Making a stop?

I really don't think that's legal. Well, maybe not to light the sirens up, but, you know. Oh, I could have one and not light the sirens? Yeah.

It's like having an airplane, but you can't fly it. Mmm, I don't think it's the same. It's the same. It's a good analogy.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Anyway, our friend here was transported to Lake County Jail in a police car.

So, he got to ride in all the emergency vehicles that day. Everything? No EMT, though? Did he have an EMT?

No, I don't think he needed an ambulance. Any chest pains throughout the transition? I would have started claiming chest pains. Oh, it's too much.

I took it because I had to get-- I need the fire truck. I took it because I had to get to the hospital. There you go. poor Tom poor Tom he's not in the Lake County Jail yeah Tom I hope you're watching congratulations you won the fire truck I hope his name is Tom last name is Sisson s-i-s-s-o-n we'll call him mr.

Sisson mr. Sisson mr. Sisson congratulations you get a 90-day stay in the Lake County Jail he'll be out in a couple days come on what are they gonna grand theft fire truck no post bail he - He might not have bail. This is the way he was getting home from the airport.

- You get the bail bondsman, you put up 10%. - Maybe he doesn't have it. Maybe it's a high bail. - I think so.

- They're afraid, you know, he's a flight risk. - Flight risk? - I was gonna say a flea risk. - A flea risk?

- He's a flight risk, he steals cars. - Mmm, you can't fly in the car. - No, but you can drive away. - It's a flight risk.

- It means you're gonna leave the county. - He gets on the plane, and he leaves. - We should go visit him and videotape the interaction for the show. It can't be that far.

Yeah, you know what? Between all the chaos that's going on right now. With all our free time. Yeah, let's go ahead and stop and go check out Mr.

Sison. Well, it could be Sison. Yeah. Okay.

Think we could call him on the phone? I'm sure you could. I mean, I bet he'd accept the collect call. I don't think it works that way.

I don't think you can call in. No? I don't think he has a phone in his cell. Just say you're his attorney.

Well, that's how you get in. Hi, I'm Mr. Sison's attorney. I'd like to speak to Mr.

Sison. Mr. Sison, I'll wear this outfit. Yeah, it'll be fine with the jeans and the hat.

All right, I missed it. Oh, I might lose that. I'm a lower end. I'm almost needing a haircut stage, that's why I'm doing more hats.

Is that what's going on? Yeah, I'm trying to let it grow out longer. I saw that it was a little, like, you got like this going on over here? Well, you saw me after I had the hat on and then took the hat off.

" Yeah, it's like a feather, like I'm an Indian. Yeah. All right, now we turn to international news. Okay.

One of your people. One of my people? One of your people. The Poles.

A cow in Poland refused to be loaded like freight and chews water instead. God bless this cow. The most remarkable part is that she did not only flee, she seemed to improvise and escape with nothing but fear, strength, and hooves. I love it.

In January 2018, while being prepared to transport to slaughter, the cow broke through a metal fence. This is eight years ago? That's not my fault. Poland's very slow with the reporting.

Yeah, okay. They're not that smart over there. Oh, is that what it is? Apparently, except the cows, the cows are geniuses.

They've got a thriving economy. The cow broke through a metal fence, injured a worker who tried to stop her, ran towards Lake Nysa, N-Y-S-A, are you familiar with that area? I'm not. Is it a pretty area?

I don't even know where Leesburg is, it's 20 minutes on the street. But you're Polish, you don't know where this is? No, I was never born there. I didn't say you were.

First born immigrant. You've never been to Poland? No, I'd love to go though. I would go to this area with the lake.

The lake. It might be the only lake they have. I've never been to Europe. Oh.

I've been to England, but that's... How was that? It was okay. It rained every day.

Yeah? It was gloomy? Cold. No air conditioner in a hotel.

Very weird. Really? Yeah. You had to sleep at the window open.

So you've been poor your whole life, is what you're saying? Fish and chips were amazing. Yeah? Okay.

Oh, it's in southern Poland. Does that help any? No. No?

Not at all, huh? No. Nope. Alright.

Then came the part no one expected from an animal that looks more built for grazing than a getaway scene. She swam out to an island and stayed there, avoiding capture, while locals watched her become a kind of four-legged legend. Here is folklore of the cow. Here is the escaped cow.

Susie the cow. She lives on the island now. By herself. Grazing daily.

Free of the butcher. Her owner reportedly brought her food because even a rebellion needs fuel. Mm-hmm. Because Poland, you guys like to do that stuff.

They like to help the rebels. They're the rebellious peoples. Yeah. That's the name of our cigar company.

We don't just... Postana Cigar. We don't just bend. She yelled "Postana" from the thing.

" Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. For weeks, she lived alone on the island, cold, stubborn, and absolutely unavailable for collection.

It's not a storybook escape. It was panic, instinct, muscle, and one animal deciding the gate was not the end of the line for her. Right. But they did go back and get her after a couple of weeks.

And then, now we ate her. And then she went to slaughter anyway. They should have left her on the island. She resisted.

She earned the right to live on this island. She resisted. You know what I mean? She made her statement.

Yeah, but short-lived. Sometimes it starts there. You know what I mean? Now all the other cows will stand up and remember this cow.

Yeah. Remember... Susie. What's a Polish cow's name?

Why do I call her Susie? That doesn't sound very Polish. No. Susiecki.

How do you say cow in Polish? How do you say cow in Polish? Croa. That should be our next cigar.

Croa. We have Votek. We should have Croa. Croa.

Croa. Yeah. We should have Croa. Cow.

Croa cigars could be a Maduro. Mm-hmm. With Habano Strikes. You know what we should do?

And we should take a box, and we should make it totally sealed, and then we should put water in the box, and then a little island, and then one cigar on the island, and then the band could be spotted like a cow. Oh, that's a good end of the spotted cow band. So water in the box. It's going to be perfect for shipping.

I love this. It's going to look great on the shelf. Water won't come out of the box. Yeah, it's going to be perfectly fine.

No issues, especially when you're dealing with boxes out of third world countries, because everything that comes out of there is Perfect. Right, exactly right. They spell everything correct. No boxes are crushed.

There's no spelling issues. There's no color problems. Right. Nothing at all.

There's no painting issues. There's none of that. None of that. None of that problem at all.

Everything's up to spec all the time. Right. Zero chaos. Perfect.

Everything's perfect. Yeah. By the way, you're changing the names on our Sumatras, right? You're updating that to view the box.

I fixed it. Yeah. So now there's no E's or D's on any of the words. Right.

I text skip. If I said are we still fighting, he's not, he didn't even bother responding. Were we fighting? Yeah, yeah.

I thought he was just complaining about this show. I told you, we don't talk, shh, shh, shh. I didn't say his name. Shh, shh, shh.

We don't talk about him now on the show, okay? We don't speak of him. It's period. Ah.

We refer to him as something vague. Something vague? Why don't we just call him Claude? The, the, the, no, no, that's what triggers him.

Too specific? Too specific. You can't trigger him. I think Claude has taken over him.

Now he's going to be even more mad at us. He's not listening anymore. You can't. You don't know that.

You can't say that. That's not okay. He's a very smart man, and he writes his own stuff, okay? He does.

Is that what he's mad about? He writes his own stuff. Yes, he does. Yes, he does.

He does. And he's smart. That's it. And he's smart.

Yeah, he's very smart. I know he said he's very smart. Well, no, no, you haven't lately. I can't, we're not talking about him.

You've devalued the man that we don't speak of. I've devalued him? Mm-hmm. Oh.

Well, on our weekly call with me and Rosales, we'll discuss it. You've devalued his thoughts. He didn't tell me he was mad at me. You've made him a robot.

He wasn't even on the list. Yeah. Well, hmm. It'll be the last time you eat dinner with him.

No more coterie. Where did we eat? Where did we go? I don't know.

Everything there was spicy. I don't care. I see. You're going back there in a year.

I can't make it. Okay. I'm going to be sick, I think. You know who's not sick?

Leesburg Police Department? I'd love to see how this segues. Tom Cruise! Oh, yeah?

He's perfectly fine. He's perfectly fine. A new bizarre incident in the series of Scientology speedruns. Do you realize this is a thing?

Scientology speedruns? That's what it's called. People like to go to the main building over in Clearwater, Florida. Yeah.

See how far in they can get before they get escorted back out. Oh, really? Called the Scientology Speed Run. Okay.

Made headlines after a man reportedly led more than 20 so-called Christian Dwarfs. Okay. Little people. Brilliant.

Into the, oh, this is in the Los Angeles one, sorry, I guess it's any one of them. Into the Los Angeles headquarters in an attempt to locate actor Tom Cruise. " Okay. " Okay.

That lady was shouting that at the dwarfs. Okay. Well, your interaction in this story is amazing. Hold on.

No, sorry. " Send. Okay, so sent in 20 yada yadas, Christians. Yes, it's this thing.

Yes, where you're running. They go to the Scientology headquarters. Okay. This group went to Los Angeles when looking for Tom Cruise.

Okay. So they go in yelling with his 20 dwarfs, holding signs. Where is Tom? Well, I'm sorry.

Was he there? Where is Tom? Was he there? Well, he didn't answer.

He's not there. No. I don't think he's there every day. No.

- I don't think he's there at all. - He's a Scientologist. - Yeah, but isn't he usually in Cali or whatever? - This is Los Angeles.

- Oh, you said Clearwater. - No, they do 'em in both, but this particular group was in Los Angeles. - Oh, okay. - But you're only half listening.

- Don't give me so much credit. - You know what? It's a terrible thing, I miss Phil. At least there was somebody to talk to on the show.

- Oh, I miss Phil too. " I will say this though, Phil is the only one that we can continue the show on without him being here at all. That is true. Yeah.

That is true. Yeah, it's very difficult if we're both gone. Yeah, then, just switch. I like the second monitor by the way.

Okay. We're going to keep it. Sure. All right.

Okay, I guess that story's over, you don't have to like that anymore. - How much time we used them? - You're at about 40 minutes. - Oh, hot dog.

- Yeah. - Better than get to the one cigar story. - Oh, there's only one piece of news? - There was only one.

- Okay. - Charlie. All right, have you ever had Halo Top Ice Cream? - What about a video?

- We haven't got that far yet. That's right before we get into cigar news. - Oh, we're already on the-- - This is still current events. - Halo Top Ice Cream?

- Yes. - Yes, I have. That's the low carb or low-- - Is that what it is? - Yeah, yeah.

- I don't think I've had it before. - Yeah, yeah. - It's like healthy, like low-cal. - Oh.

Well, as of today, they have put out a special spoon. - Oh, okay. - What do you think is special about this spoon? - It's small.

- No, it does something small so they can eat less? - It smacks you after you have too much of it. - No. - It's Bluetooth.

It has a speaker, and if you close your mouth around it, You can hear sound. Very close. Serious? Very close.

I'll give you one more try. The Bluetooth part is correct, but that's not what it does. Okay. That would be great, though.

Yeah. Have you seen those suckers that do that? It tells you how much you eat and how fast you eat. See, that's what everybody guessed on the radio this morning when I heard this story the first time.

Yeah. No, it connects to your phone, and when you start eating, it puts your phone on do not disturb so that you can eat the ice cream in peace. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. I've heard in my life.

I need a spoon to turn off my phone? Turn off your phone so that you can eat ice cream in peace and you aren't disturbed while you're eating ice cream. It doesn't turn it off, it puts it on do not disturb. What are we doing?

So, you don't want me to buy you one? No. 90. I believe it.

While supplies left. It's not even going to be effective. This thing isn't even going to work. It's ridiculous.

Well, you put the Halo ice cream app on your phone and then it Bluetooth and then when you put it in your mouth, Yeah. Your phone goes undue, undisturbed. I would say I would like this, this thing, if it was Bluetooth attached to you, and as soon as I put it in my mouth, you shut the hell up. And I don't talk.

Yeah. Then I would love it. Oh, then you got any ice cream. Yeah, like that.

Just like that. Exactly. It's inviting ice cream enthusiasts to unplug and eat ice cream without any distractions. The company has unveiled its new silent a la mode spoon.

It's a spoon. Listen, if I'm going that hard in the paint with the ice cream... With the ice cream? Well, you can eat more of this.

It's that special. All the noise around me doesn't matter anyways. I've already... You don't hear it anyway?

It's already consumed me. You know what I mean? Like, I'm reflecting... Spoon is gold.

Does that mean anything? So it's Trump's spoon, is what you're saying? Is it Trump's spoon? This is what's coming out.

This is where all the gold went for the phones. Yeah, that's what happened. That's why the phones got shut down, because we started doing these $4 phones, or spoons. m.

90 while supplies last. You know, that part's a little sketchy, because, I mean, they could have one. Right. While supplies last.

Sorry, sir, you weren't the first caller, you don't get one. It's a great marketing thing. That's what probably happened with the caviar, the McDonald's caviar. Oh, they only had the one?

Yeah, they had one. Yeah, I'm still mad I missed out on the caviar. Never saw any posts about that. Never saw anybody eating it, no, never did.

Yeah, weird. Only the story that the website crashed. Yeah. Never heard anybody got any.

Not a single Instagram reel. Nothing. Nothing tracked. Maybe because it crashed so they couldn't sell any.

Yeah, like, oh, it went so well. I might try to buy this spoon tomorrow morning. Okay. Keep it updated.

All right, do you have a video for us, Mike? Oh, my God. Oh, thank you so much for asking. Yeah, I do.

I have a video. I'm going to put it in the M&M productions text anyways, just to let him know that he's missing out. Oh, is it really good? No.

Oh, it's not a good video. I like it. I try and make, I try and get some cigar ones in here. Do we have another one with Michael Zagowski or whatever it is?

Mike Wazowski. Wazowski. No. Well, somebody's invited me to collaborate.

There's four people who asked me to go over it. I don't have it. Oh, there it is. Gar is just the thing I'm into.

And that, you want to hear some old-timer shit? Yeah. The guy who does my diet or training or whatever will ask for 50 minutes of cardio. - 50?

- 50. " Walk in an incline, okay, I walk in my neighborhood, it's roughly 45 to 50 minutes, I do it, I now have just started smoking a cigar while doing it, which I think is counterproductive to the cardio, however, yeah, however, I smoke weed while training. It's a vodka talk show? Sponsored by some other vodka company?

No. That's what's on the sign in the background. Yeah. Well, it's WWE.

Those are WWE wrestlers. Oh, I recognize the blonde guy, but not the other guy. You know who the blonde guy is? No.

Not his name. Do you know who Dusty Rhodes is? Oh, that's his son? That's his son.

Oh. Well, it's one of his sons. Ah. That's the American Nightmare Cody Rhodes.

Oh, his father was the American Dream, so he's the American Nightmare? Correct. Correct. So what's the other one?

I don't remember that guy. The Wet Dream? What's that? Goldust is the other brother.

Oh, that's what I meant. I don't know if he was a dream-related sleep apnea. Sleep apnea? That's his name.

That's the sister. And out comes CPAP! And CPAP's got the steel chair! Oh my god!

Oh my goodness, here comes sleep apnea! That's why I said CPAP. That's the daughter, sleep apnea. Do you think that walking and smoking a cigar is counterproductive?

I do it all the time. Oh, I don't think it's counterproductive. When I do walk, I used to walk more, but not lately. I would smoke when I walk.

Yeah. Yeah, people, and I would do the videos and stuff, people are, you smoke while you walk, and I go, yeah, what else am I going to do while I'm walking? I got to be honest, man, I would love to work out at the gym, and there would be just a bunch of stinky ashtrays around. Oh, at the gym?

Yeah. While you're lifting? Yeah, yeah, so I could just put it down, hit the weight, and then pick it back up. You're not afraid you would forget and hit it and knock the ash all over you?

No, I would put it, when I went to go do my set, I would put it on the ashtray. Right. I would... Why don't you just start doing that and see how it goes?

I'd do a massive amount of weight, and then I would pick the cigar back up. You should just do it. You think so? Just try it one time.

I don't know, I think that I, the booth. Sorry, go ahead. No, you go. I'll follow you with the DJI from a distance, so they don't know.

Oh, it's a trick. Like the one, the one really strong dude? Well, I was going to say like the dwarfs running through the Scientology building. Yeah, we, Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise.

No, no, you just smoke and lift and see how long it takes before somebody says something. - I don't think that, I think that it would instantly be shut down. - You don't, I bet you'd get away with it for a couple of minutes. - No way.

- Sure. - Mm-mm. - Yeah, you don't light it 'til you get out there. So you're not like walking in, smoking it, going into the locker room and, you know, change your clothes and start smoking it.

You wait 'til you get to the bench, you sit down, pull it out of your little spandex pants. - Yeah. - Light it up, then you lay back and start going. - I would instantly be banned.

- Okay, go to a different gym that you're not really a member of. - Okay, a gym that's not as important to me? - Yeah. Because we know how much, you know, you love that place.

- I do love that place. - I know, it's what I said. - It's my happy place. - Right.

So go to the ones that got the Lunker Alarms, they don't... - The Lunker Alarms? - I don't remember the name of it. The purple one.

- Planet Fitness. - There you go, go there. - For the dollar? - For the dollar.

Tell them you just want to try it. - I want to test out the gym. - There's always a pass on Facebook and stuff. - Yeah.

- A one-day pass? - Right. - You should do that. - Mmm.

I think it'd be, I think it'd be awesome. I'd totally be down with that. Why don't you open your own gem? Smokin' Heavy.

Smokin' Heavy. Well, you can't do lightweight. You could do lightweight. Smokin' Lift.

Smokin' Lift. Lift and Smoke. Lift and Smoke. Puff and Push.

Puff and Push. Puff and Pump. Puff and Pump. No, that sounds like you're getting a breastfeeding place.

Smokin' Pump? Smokin' Pump. Hmm. I don't know.

I like the lift. Those of you that do the AI images, we would like a picture of him smoking and lifting. It doesn't seem counterproductive to me. No, I mean, why would it be?

I mean, I'm not running and smoking, so it's not like, you know, I'm gonna be breathing heavy. Yeah, I mean, I smoke sometimes before I get into the gym. Right, I mean, it's just a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood, and why not smoke? I'm outside the entire time.

Yeah, I enjoy it. Right. Yeah, whenever I walk in my neighborhood, I was always smoking. Not like I'm throwing cigarette butts on the ground.

Yeah, like a tool. Right. You know? And I'm not...

I hate picking those up out. And I'm not sucking on a pouch like some of these other... Right. I don't know what the hell's going on with these people.

Did you see the latest meme with the... that lady and her little brown friend? No. It's...

I saw it this morning. It said that she is known to spit her nicotine pouches into underling's mouths when she's doing their reviews. Nice. This poor lady.

And they gave her a lower cut top too. I mean, she might as well not even head went up. This poor lady. She's gonna be...

this is gonna be... It's been affecting her for a long time. They did try to pay him off. I saw that.

For a million dollars. And he said no. Yeah, he wanted 10 million or 11 or something. Yeah, that goes to show you that this guy's batshit crazy.

Well, or that it's true and he thought he had more ammunition. Either way, I take the mill, if it's true or not true. Yeah, they said the mill was like three times his yearly salary. Yeah, yeah, I'm out.

Right. Like, oh my God, I bullshitted my way through this. There's two scenarios here. I completely bullshitted my way through this and I got to the million.

I think it was a million, or this legitimately happened, and they're willing to give me a million dollars to just shut up, right? Right. At that point, both scenarios is a W for me, right? Well, you know the attorney, they're going, look, they offered you a million, we can get more.

We can get some more money out of this. We can get more than a million. No, but I think that, I think that the reason why option three happened is because this guy is just batshit crazy. Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, if he made it up, he had to be anyway. I take the million dollars and I go back to them and say, hey, I'd like to open up an account with you. I'd like to.

She's real smart. I'd like to get her to manage my money. I'm looking for an investment firm. She can call me her little brown customer.

I don't care. First name for my account, little brown boy. Middle name brown, last name boy. If you could just, you know, I expect at least a 15% return annually on my money.

You know? And she stopped spitting those pouches in my mouth. Right. That was gross.

Yeah. If she continues to spit the pouches in my mouth, I need an extra $150,000. Annual. Alright, Cigar News.

Knoxville, Tennessee plans to ban smoking inside bars. Mmm. Can't smoke in Knoxville anymore. No more.

On Tuesday, May 12th, the Knoxville City Council voted 7-2 in favor of kicking the man off the plane. The lady, the lady off the plane. Okay. Wow, that was loud gurgling there by the way.

I apologize. 72 in favor of a new ordinance that would ban smoking inside bars and music venues. This was the first vote and the second vote will take place on Tuesday, May 26th. Well, who's voting the second time?

They gotta do two votes on everything? I don't know. I don't know how it works in Tennessee. Seems odd.

Maybe they can't really count, so they're not sure how many votes they have. One more time, one more time. We're gonna do it again on May 26th. We have a light meeting scheduled that day.

The law would outlaw indoor smoking at those venues effective January 1st, 2027. The ordinance would not restrict smoking inside a cigar store, vape shops, and other retail tobacco stores. So you can still smoke inside retail shops, but just not at bars? Right.

I mean, you haven't been able to smoke in bars in Florida forever, right? You can't smoke cigarettes in a bar anymore. Yeah, that's correct. Well, they're kind of behind on the times here, aren't they?

I thought it was everything. I thought it included cigar shops. Well, I think it's wrong in its entirety. I think it should be up to the owner of the business if they want to allow smoking or not.

Do you remember going to breakfast and then there was the smoking and the non-smoking section? Sure. That was incredible. Well, on planes, if you go back one more seat at smoking, there's this invisible force field.

You know, the guy behind you is blowing smoke on your head, but I'm in non-smoking. Oh, dude, I remember. Some place still had the little ashtrays in the seats. I remember going to breakfast, and it was smoking or non-smoking.

Right. And there was nothing, like the left was smoking, the right was non. It was like the plane, yeah, there's nothing to separate the two wires. Yeah, I was like, okay, non-smoking was what my parents would always say, obviously, because they wouldn't smoke.

" Like, no, no, I need to be on the other side, because the smoke won't get me there. Because the smoke won't get me there. I know, it's just ridiculous. But then, I mean, yeah, honestly, at that point, like, it's up, for me, it's the choice of the customer.

Like, will they have smoking there? And I don't want to go there, right? Oh, that's why you just don't go. Yeah, I doubt all these people go to bars were complaining.

Oh, it's so smoky. Somebody is complaining. That's how it comes up. I couldn't do my shots.

That's exactly how this happens. I can't go and get shit-faced without smelling cigarettes. Oh yeah, when I get home, I'm gonna stink like crazy. Yeah.

Oh, it's so terrible. So terrible. Then they're gonna know where I was at. Oh, yeah.

Right? Oh, I wasn't working late night. I was at the bar. Oh, that's right.

Started at a happy hour. Got ripped. I got so happy. I finished off the buffet, and then that's when things got interesting.

You know what I mean? Buffet. Mmm. Buffet, chicken wings.

Buffet. Yeah. A 2022 Tennessee law allows for cities to pass Additional smoking bans like this one, age-restricted venues like bars are one of the few exemptions for the state's ban on indoor smoking in public places. The change was requested by council members Karen, Adams, Debbie Hensley, Doug Lloyd, and Charles Thomas.

Lloyd! Four non-smokers, I'm assuming. I can't go, the four of us can't go out on our wives and husbands with each other and not come home to not like smoke. Allegedly.

Allegedly. They don't watch the show. You don't want to get sued. What are they going to take?

My pots and pans? Yes. I don't have any pots and pans. What do you do?

Knoxville's best known as the home of the University of Tennessee has a popular... I don't know why this is important to the story, so we're skipping that. Alright, who cares. Alright, it's time for the industry's favorite game.

What's the score? There we go, Mikey. Thank you, sir. Want to play against Mikey?

No. No, he's not of age. Who do we want to play? Oh, who do you want to play?

I don't know, we're going to call somebody. Call the Little Debbie guy. Little Debbie guy? Justin Andrews?

Justin Andrews. He just did a podcast yesterday. Okay, I'm going to call him. Deep Cuts.

With our friend. He's not going to answer. I have them under Justin Peepee Pants Andrews, let's see, see how loud this is, oh it's very loud, and it's crackling, it is crackling, maybe because it's so loud, I think he has a crackling phone, it's his phone, call has been forwarded to voicemail, three rings and he sent you to voicemail, all right strike, strike one, I didn't get to four, all right who's next, Terence Reilly. Ooh, you're throwing some...

Let's throw some people that don't talk to us out. Terence Reilly. Ooh, call the man who we don't talk about. See if he wants to play.

Oh, his phone crackles too. Also crackling. He's going to answer because you never call him. Mike, let me call you back in two seconds.

Okay, bye. Bye. All right, now when he calls back, don't answer. Yeah, I'm not going to.

All right. Who else we got? What are the options here? I'm going with the man we don't speak to.

Oh, are you? All right. He's going to be so mean to you. Let's see.

Hey, you're on the podcast. What's going on? What's up, buddy? I'm working.

That's cool. I need an opponent for what to score. And even though you don't like us anymore, I want to play with you. You want to play?

You guys are the most sensitive bitches I've ever met in my life. My feelings weren't hurt. I didn't even know you were mad. My feelings weren't hurt.

Your feelings were hurt, sir. Your feelings were hurt. My feelings are not hurt. I feel like you ought to put some respect on my fucking name.

Oh, like, 'cause we don't put respect on your name. I say uncle every time I say your name. I. I.

is beyond fuckin' paradoxical. It's fuckin' bullshit. I expect reverence when fuckin' Palmer talks about me, or my products. it so your products are all good so you better come correct you hear that he writes beautiful facebook posts yes all by himself they're so concise there's no ai involved there's no way you guys were confused by my fucking big words in facebook posts long before ai ever fucking existed so he does have a point there it's so true i'm still confused uh but that's you know is claude there can he play too claude does not get to play oh sorry okay are you ready to play You don't deserve Claude.

No, no, obviously, I don't. I have his cheaper brother, Chad GPT. That's a teamy one. Right.

The wish. Okay, you guys are cutting into my fucking work time here. Let's get this moving. Alright, let's get it moving.

Alright, first cigar, September 10th, 2015. Brooks Whittington reviewed it. It's a Dominican Republic, limited edition, the Viaje Summerfest 2015. okay i'll go first on this one i'm gonna say 86 skip who's the reviewer brooks brooks you don't even listen to him when he talks that's so hurtful brooks brooks is honest but charlie loves vi but brooks is honest so what year was this What is this review again?

2015. Oh, the good years for Aganorsa. I'll say 87th. Okay.

Alright, country of origin is Nicaragua factory, Tabaco, Valle de Jalapa. Rapper is Nicaraguan Corojo 99. He skipped a word there. He skipped a word there.

No, I didn't. They did a phonetically, T-A-B-S-A. Okay. Binder is Nicaragua.

So that's a different factory then. Mm-hmm. Mmm. Interesting.

Uh, it's a 6x52 Toro. They smoked three cigars. Mmm, I'm gonna say 86. I'm gonna say 86.

Ooh, he's with me. Okay. First clue: great balance and complexity overall, creamy oak, earth expresso, and subtle sweetness all working together, especially in the first and final thirds. Final third.

I'm gonna eek up here to 88. Stayin' at 86. Okay. Glue number two, solid construction from start to finish, excellent draw, strong smoke production, and a burn that corrects itself early and stays consistent.

Oof, 90. Yeah, it doesn't sound like it has any high texture tobacco in it. It's tracking. He didn't say Coconibs, though.

I'm gonna say 88. Okay. Third clue, the second third loses clarity and intensity with flavors becoming muted and harder to distinguish before recovering later. Mmm.

87. 88. Alright, this is the final thought. I made no secret of how much I disliked the original Summerfest blend and I was interested to see what the re-blended version would bring to the table.

I can safely say that the new incarnation is noticeably better than what it used to be, both in terms of the amount and number of flavors in the profile. Having said that, it is still a fairly predictable blend, and the blandness that reared its head in the second third of each of the samples, however briefly, did impact the enjoyment I got out of the cigar. Anyone who is disappointed in the first version should definitely give the new blend a try, but I'm still far from a box buy. Hmm, I think I'm going to track at 87.

88. You went the wrong way, 80. Oh! An 80?

An 80. That's a lot of nice words for a fucking 80. Yeah, that is a lot of nice words for an 80. Okay.

All right, round two, are you ready? Alright, round two, are you ready? Okay, alright, let's go. Alright, it's Brooks Whittington again.

It is the Honduras, Oscar Valladares Tobacco & Company, Raw Dog. Skip, pick your number. 69. Damn.

82. It's a Honduran cigar from the Oscar Valladares Tobacco Company. They're not disclosing the wrapper. The binder is Honduras, the filler is Honduras, it's a 5x60, and they smoked 3, this is a Redux, so it's a Redux.

Skip? 87. I'm gonna stick, I'm gonna go 84. Clue number one, unique raw presentation stands out immediately.

Shaggy foot, no wrapper, And an unrefined look that actually adds to the experience and curiosity factor. Skip. 87. You think you looked it up?

Nah. 84. He doesn't care enough to look it up. That's probably true.

Clue number two. Core flavor profile is consistent and approachable. Cedar and nuttiness lead the way with supporting notes of earth, coffee, and subtle sweetness, Making it an easy, steady smoke. -87.

- Yeah, that's pretty good at that number. - 86. - Oh, 86. - Clue number three, construction and complexity both fall short.

- There it is. - Loose draws, frequent burn corrections, and a very linear profile with minimal evolution throughout the cigar. - 83. That's a good number.

Like, this one sounds way more negative than the last one, so how is this not a fucking 78? It just depends upon if Brooks rubbed one out prior to the review, buddy. That's how this works. I'm going to go 82.

All right, final thought. This is a tale of two very different experiences. Two of the cigars, the first and last cigars I smoked for this review, were the lightest of the three when it comes to weight and featured a looser than normal draw. More burn issues and a profile that was noticeably less complex.

However, the second cigar, which was incidentally the heaviest of the three, in terms of weight, featured an excellent draw, virtual no burn issues, and flavors that were not only more enjoyable, but also noticeably more distinct on both the palate and retrohale. Having said that, even at its best, the Oscar Valladares Raw Dog has a fairly linear profile, with a less than ideal amount of balance, in the current market, having a name that people will instantly take notice of, an extremely attractive price point, and unique visual appearance, are not bad things, but at the end, those ended up being the best attributes about this release. Okay, what do you got? 82.

82. That's gonna be lower than that. I'm gonna go 81. 82, he hit it on the nose.

Oh, he got it! Congratulations, Skip. You win the day. You win the day.

So let me ask you a question. So you guys have been doing this for, what, fucking 20 episodes now? 30 episodes? Much longer than that.

Much longer than that. So what have you learned? So what's the... What's the...

the moral to the story here of this "Guess the Score"? The moral to the story for me is that I want Brooks reviewing my cigars. Because he scores higher? You can't compare one to the other, which is always a problem for Phil.

Yeah. So, let me say this. I really honestly feel like there's very little bias when it comes. I mean, there is subjective bias between the different reviewers, but they have a system of scoring stuff That I feel like they adhere to very strictly, regardless of who they're fucking reviewing, right?

So, better than Cigar Aficionado, better than your man Coop, right? Who really, you know, apparently has a plus three or whatever, if he can say your name and you send him a check, or whatever, right? Or if he gets pussy hurt, he doesn't even review you, which is fine with me. That's more honest than just shitting on stuff that's good, right?

Right, right. Okay, so all that said, what value do reviews add? I mean, if you read Charlie's reviews or Brooks' reviews and you say, You know, man, I've tried a bunch of cigars, and every time Brooks doesn't like it, I don't like it, and every time Brooks likes it, I like it. In that way, it has utility, right?

" Sure, yeah. Right? So, but other than that, right, we put all this weight on reviews. " And they're all fucking genuine.

I mean, you don't see 80s in Cigar Aficionado, right? You don't see 82s in Cigar Aficionado. So they're very, I mean, at least half was a little more honest about it, but even an 82 is a pretty decent B. I mean, fucking, if Mike Palmer got 82s in all his classes in high school, he was pleased as punch, right?

Right. Yeah, he wouldn't be working in this industry. Yeah, he wouldn't be doing this. Yeah.

I mean, you know, I smoked a cigar—so you asked me—I'm not going to say the name of the cigar, but you guys recently reviewed it—you said, what was the most overrated cigar, overhyped cigar at the thing? And I'm like, you know, there was a lot of hype behind this cigar, and I thought it was pretty unremarkable. For a Sumatra cigar, having Palastania coming out with a Sumatra cigar, which has a little bit of an ugly wrapper, to be honest, is— It's a banger. Oh, yeah.

Right? I mean, the wrap around the Palestinian Sumatra is not as pretty as it was on the tobacco we selected for the Busterfuck or whatever you called it. Right. Yeah.

" Yeah, that one. " That's what he wanted. " Yeah. So, I think that the production run of it is not as pretty.

Because, to be honest with you, it's the wrapper we deselect from Volstead as being too light, and Sumatra's not pretty to begin with. -Right. -Right? But it tastes great.

I've probably gone through a bundle of them in the last couple of weeks, and they're all smoking great. -Yeah. -And Bob Finley, the cigar guy, he obviously is looking at samples because he loves that cigar. Well, he's gonna get 'em regardless.

I like Bob, so we're, you know. Right. No, he said, he said tons of positive stuff about it. Yeah.

But if you compare, if you, you know, if you, if, you know, at the same time, some people, if you send them a huge box of fucking swag and a bunch of free cigars, you know, they're gonna say the same thing about the other ones. Right. Yeah. But the other one's not even close.

It's not even close. It isn't. You can use average Nicaraguan Tobacco, and it is a solid filler. So you put a decent wrapper and a bunch of average Nicaraguan filler, it's still gonna have a lot of flavor.

Right. You can't get away with using average Dominican tobacco. No. So true.

So, when you use average, there's so much bland, flavorless tobacco in the Dominican, With tobacco in the Dominican, it's crazy. It's hard to find tobacco, you can find tobacco in Nicaragua that tastes bad, but at least it has flavors. Right. I agree.

It's just not a good flavor. Yeah. " Right. And that's what you were saying is like, it's just muted.

It has nothing. What's going on? Like, what's going, and if you, if you put nothing underneath the, the tricky Sumatra wrapper, it's not gonna taste good. Right.

No, it's nothing on top of that. So, I mean, Ecuador Sumatra is another tricky thing, too, because there's so many hybrids based on the grower. Right. There's no such thing as just Ecuador, Ecuador Sumatra.

Yeah, some of them are so good. I'm working on Visigoth right now, and what I'm really trying to go for is like a heavy, It's like a heavy, dark Sumatra like on VSG, right? Like on Ashton VSG. And it's not easy to find, but it's a heavy Habano, high-priming Habano hybrid with Sumatra C.

Can you get, if you find enough of it pre-industry, can you get it there? Can you make something that can get dark enough or no? Well, the problem is it has to be thick to begin with, and it has to be, right? So if you can ferment shit for a long time, I mean, we have this Volstead wrapper that was too heavy for Volstead, but we've just been fermenting for like two or three years, and some of that's turned into really good, heavy tobacco and dark, right?

I mean, it still has like the giraffe spots that Sumatra has, but that tobacco is a Cameroon hybrid. So Alex recently just found some heavy Sumatra at Nikoprosa, and it's available because nobody wants tobacco that heavy for a Sumatra cigar, right? 'Cause there's not enough of it to make any significant number. So my point being is that you go buy an Ecuador, Connecticut wrapper, there's LB, light brown, there's LW, there's all these different grades of color.

But it's all basically the same. Mm-hmm. The taste is the same. There's some that's a little more bitter than others.

I like the darker colors because the commercial guys don't like the darker colors. And to me, the darker colors have less bitterness, but it's all basically the same. See, there's like five different levels of flavor within Ecuador, Connecticut. There may be 40 levels of flavor within the different hybrids of Sumatra.

Right. So when you say I'm making a Sumatra Cigar, the wrapper we use on Paustania Sumatra, what I'm looking for for Visigoth, what we use on Volstead, what we've used in the past, very different wrappers. So I guess the point I'm saying is that these reviews depend so heavily on this objective. I guess that's why you don't ever see scores under 75, because if it draws and it lights and burns, then it's a 50, right?

Yeah, I mean, but to be fair, with Half Wheel, we've seen scores that go low. I think 46 is the lowest one we've ever thought about. we've seen you know we have definitely seen it and you know for us they're definitely the most unbiased that's why we that's why we always try and give them a nod and try and acknowledge them because we want people to go there and get their data from that you know right right so well i don't know me neither it's it's a fun game it's a fun game but it is a great game the fact that the fact that the fact that it's hard to nail down even based on reading the details of their It just tells you how subjective it is. 100%.

100%. All right. Well, I'll let you get back to work. Thank you so much for playing with us.

Congratulations on the win. Congratulations on the dub. Mike Palmer is very sorry. Very sorry.

He will not... Did not mean to insult you. He will not refer to you as Claude ever again. You are your own person.

You write lovely, lovely novels on Facebook. And, and we appreciate, we know that it all comes from your mind, and we appreciate it. All right? All right.

All right. All right. All right, brother. I'll talk to you, man.

Thanks. All right. I'll talk to you later, Claude. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

He was not bad. All right. So now we're, we're friends again. That's not what we're talking about.

You say his name. Terrence called three times. Because you never call him. No, he doesn't want to.

Oh my God, there's something wrong. And you know what? After the third time, he called Greg. Right?

Are you calling him? Yeah, hey, no. Hey, we got some cigars with holes in them. Just text that, and don't ever say anything else.

Hey, there's something wrong with these. No, you don't even say cigars. " And then you leave it at that. You don't say anything else to them.

Okay, all right. Close this out. All right, guys. Thank you very much.

It's been episode 531. Like, and Subscribe wherever you're viewing or watching or listening to the show. Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed the edutainment for today.

All right, guys, you gotta go. Bye. Bye.

Show Notes

On todays show

More California Problems, You can be voted off a plane, Firetrucks Go Fast!, How Many Polish Cows Does It Take to escape, Tom Cruise and The Little People, I need a new spoon, and in cigars Tennessee is closed and a double what’s the score!