Chat & Palmer Shit Show 48 Last Minute
Transcript
Welcome to episode 48 of Big D and Palmer's shit show with no chat. It's like BDPD. BDPD. BDPD.
Yes, exactly. BDPBD. BDPD. He completely lost me.
I don't know. It's just me and Big D tonight. Chet had other things to do. Party of two.
We blindfolded his bobblehead. He's not allowed to participate in the show. He's not a part of the show tonight. Let's get everything started here.
You too can be a part of our podcast family. I'm over here today. Invest in our show. Put your products in front of thousands of listeners and viewers every week.
And, viewers, every week, we are heard on 12 different podcasts, 13, sorry, it's 13 podcasts for ours weekly, all around the world. And, don't forget to- Hold on, hold on, we're not at that part yet. Oh, sorry. Still on my camera.
I'm sorry, I'm excited. com. And a reminder, this is the last week we will be on our own channel, starting May 1st. We will just be only on the Hustler Universe Network, where apparently more of you are finding us, so it's worked out well for us.
Remember to please rate, comment, and subscribe. And Danielle, hold on. Am I allowed to say it? Yes, now say it right here.
And ring the bell! T-T-T-T-T-T. Oh, T-T-T-T-T-T. Yeah.
She has a triangle, apparently. T-T-T-T-T-T. Yeah. Let's see.
May 14th, we will be at the Cars That Care Car Show. Woo-hoo! We are a judge, we are volunteers, and we are on the committee to put the thing together. We're a judge?
Boots and I are a judge. Oh, ouch. You can judge too. Yay!
All right, and a judge. So you and Boots can judge, how's that? Well, what about you? I'll man the table.
Okay. All right, I'll man the table. Inter music is by Sumo Banga with Beats by Masky Beats. We still don't know when the concert is, but he does have a new single that dropped.
I heard it the other day. It's very good. Okay, hold on. What are we doing?
What are we doing? Let's see. This week we have another fitness tip for everybody. It's mandatory fitness.
So let's let Mandy do her little fitness thing. Fitness. Your girl remember me from last week, Amanda Fit. So I'm happy to be here.
We're going to do this every week. If you have any questions, let us know what you want to know. Comment below. So this week the topic is sleep.
I'm going to give you some healthy tips on trying to find the best sleep, like newborn sleep. So the lack of sleep is going to stunt your growth, your recovery. It's going to spike cortisol levels, are now going to be dependent throughout the day on caffeine, pick-me-ups, porn, whatever. And I'm going to give you some tips just to help you out.
We need you guys to sleep. I was in the military, I was in the army. Truck driver, 88 Mike. Get an eye mask, pressure on your eyes.
It feels so good. Get a diffuser, put some lavender oil on your wrist, just dab it on your nose, make it into a spa, make sure that your room does not have a lot of lighting, you want to get out of the habit of sleeping with your TVs on, a female likes that, we don't like it, turn the TV off, put some white noise on, make it into a spa, make it relaxing, girls love it, not be on our phones, not be on Snapchat, late at night, we're not going to do that anymore, so lack of sleep, you're also not going to hit your REM, so your natural growth hormone is affected, And also resulting in low testosterone, girls don't like that, we need you to have all the testosterone that you can have, we're gonna work on it, sleep is so important, so as far as supplements, GABA, G-A-B-A, a natural amino, it is so calming, it's also in anesthesia, use lightly, melatonin, three milligrams is enough, I recommend finding out what you have to do in order to get the best night's sleep, the most amount of testosterone, most You have the biggest amount of growth hormone, your cortisol levels not to be spiked, do not be independent on monsters, short term happiness. We need commitment. I hope you guys find this helpful.
Let us know exactly what you want to hear. We'll answer all your questions. And we'll see you next week. Bye.
Hey, welcome back. Okay. Mandatory Fitness on Facebook. So you got to look for it.
Contact her. You can become a part of her little workout thing if you're in the area. All right, let's get drinking, because we have a whole different show we're doing tonight. Since it's just the two of us, we're doing something completely different.
We're special. I had two different topics, and they were put off for other shows. So we made a special topic for me. So we made a special topic for my young lady friend here.
All right, boom, ba-doom, ba-doom. You ready? You got your thing? You ready?
I think so. Do I have to tell you when to say it? No, no, I got it. Watch we still mess it up.
Oh, yeah. I don't want to look at it. I still feel weird. Oh, that's okay, great.
Do you want to put a hat on it? Yeah. Put it like a little person? Like a little, like, sombrero.
Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. Get ready, here you go. Alright, I'm ready.
Not yet? Not yet? No! Welcome to the Shit Show Happy Hour.
Grab your server, order your favorite drink, and let's get ready to get crazy up in Hee-Haw! Very good. As always, the Shit Show Happy Hour. Shit Show Happy Hour is brought to you by American Property Solutions, 386-837-9245-S4-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee-Tee.
So tonight we are drinking, but it's how we're drinking, actually, that's making the show different tonight. It's how we're drinking. How exciting. These are, we are, let's see, from Blake's Lemonade Stand, these are delightful sippers and a little, sippers, or a little bit of citrus and a whole lot of sunshine, enjoy tart lemons, complemented by the sweetness from ripe strawberries and bold blueberries, these juicy summer flavors combined with our famous five apple blend base make these two hard ciders your new go-to, so tonight we're doing these strawberry lemonade, thank you to Blake's Hard Cider for sending these to us.
Thank you. They combine tart lemon with sweet ripe strawberries and finish it off with our five apple blend to bring you a strawberry lemonade fresh from our farm to your fridge. 5 alcohol by volume. These actually sound really good.
I thought, yeah, they do, they do sound good. I haven't had a good cider in a long time. So like last week. Okay, so we are gonna, here's yours, we are gonna open these and taste them with the toast, but then there's something a little different that's gonna happen after that.
Look at these cans! That's so nice! Alright, so you said you did have a toast? Um, yes, I think I forgot it, but I'm still going to wing it anyway, because that's what I do regardless.
Alright, there's your camera. Alright, oh, let me open it. Do I need to open it for you with those new claws? No, I'm an independent woman, Palmer.
Alright. Here's to being independent woman and man. Thank you. And to commitments.
Commitment and showing up for work. And showing up for work and being here. Nothing personal to anybody that may, may not be listening. Ooh.
That's, that's pretty good. That is really good. Okay. Ooh, that's good.
It's not too like tart either. No, I think the strawberries sweetened it up a little bit. Yeah. And you can still taste the lemon and, but you can still tell it's a side.
It's a spider. Very good. Thanks. All right.
You'll see you got a little shot glass there in front of you. Yes. A little shot glass. All right.
We're going to play Would You Rather. Ooh. We have five pages of Would You Rathers. Okay.
All right. If you do not want to answer the question, you take a shot. Oh, gosh. So go ahead and pour a shot.
Oh, wait. I did a special intro. I spent all this time. Ooh, a special intro.
All right. Here we go. Hold on. Act like I didn't say anything yet.
Oh, we forgot to stand. Well, we'll just fill us staying in later. " I love that! " for the first time on the shit show tonight.
As explained earlier, we have questions. If you do not want to answer the question, you can take a shot. So. That sounds so fun.
I have five pages of questions here, and at a certain point, the questions become harder or more personal, whichever way you want to look at it, and that's when we move to the bigger cup. Ooh, exciting. If you don't want to answer that, we'll go three quarters to this line. Okay.
All right? So, oh, actually, that happens pretty quick. Oh, wow. Here we go.
All right, first question. Would you rather have uncontrollable gas for an entire month or wet yourself at work? Uncontrollable, wait, uncontrollable gas for a month, that includes at work? Yes, for the entire month.
Or you wet yourself one time at work? Wet myself one time at work. Yeah, I'd go for wet myself one time at work, around here. Because then they'd be like, oh my gosh, Big D farts all the time, and she stinks.
Just for a month, though? Yeah. All right, that's question one. Would you rather make out with your celebrity crush or get paid $5,000?
I don't know. We all know who your celebrity crush is. If you've watched this show at all, you know who it is. No, I have a few.
Well, just pick one then. Right now, my biggest one right now is Spencer Charnes. He's the lead singer of Ice Nine Kills. He does like...
Ice Nine Kills? Yeah, he has like... I don't even know what that is. It's like they have like two separate albums recently.
It's like their biggest ones where like they sing about like horror movies and stuff. Okay, tuck into the microphone. Move the microphone a little more this way. Sorry, I'm not...
No, move it a little more this way because you're wanting to lean this way and chat. There you go. Yeah, I'm chatting to you. Yes, I understand.
Because it's just the two of us. Yes. Yeah. But still, you have to look at the camera.
Yes, of course. Of course. All right. So $5,000 or make out with your celebrity crush.
Now, Aiden will find out you made out with your celebrity crush. That's fine. I don't care either way. I'm going to pick the celebrity crush only because $5,000 I can make eventually.
I won't always have the chance to make out with Spencer Charnes. Oh, I'd take the money. I pray my wife would get upset if I made out with someone else. I think that Aiden would be like, oh, cool.
Like, you made out with Spencer Charnes. " All right, would you rather go to the grocery store in your underwear or go to the beach nude? Go to the beach nude. I'd go to the grocery store in my underwear.
Well, that's different for us, because us women sometimes have, like, not, you know, as they would say, granny panties. Well, you could pick what underwear you wanted to wear. That's true, but like, I've always wanted to go to a nude beach anyway. I figured that was something you would have done.
I want to. It'd be fun. It'd be fun. They have one over on the coast where you normally go anyway.
What do you mean? Play a Linda? Play a Linda's a nude beach over there. I didn't know that.
Yeah. So I can just go up naked? Go up naked. Those are some bomb ass nudes.
Yes. Yes. Okay. Let's see.
Would you rather sleep with your partner's siblings or your best friend's siblings? My best friend's siblings. Both options are bad, but yeah. Right, yeah.
See, Adrian's got two sisters. I don't think Chet has a sister. Boots doesn't have a sister either. I guess it's with my partner siblings.
How do you feel about that? One of them really doesn't like me though. Well, that usually makes for the best sex, you know, angry sex. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that either way.
Alright, would you rather have average sex every day for the rest of your life or great sex once a year for the rest of your life? I'd go with average. Me too. I wouldn't be able to just one time.
I'd want more of these once a year? Yeah. Alright, would you rather lick someone's eyeball or suck someone's toes? What is it?
I don't know, I downloaded them online, I just pulled questions offline. These are standard questions, and then later they get harder. Eyeballs are pretty gross, but so are feet. I'm just gonna drink.
Yeah, I don't think there's any good answer for that, plus I want to drink. Yeah, I wanted to drink, I was thirsty. Would you rather, oh, would you rather drink a glass of vomit once, or burp every time someone says your name? Like that?
I burp. I don't know, whatever. Um, oh, but vomit is so gross. I don't think I could, I could drink the vomit.
I don't think I could either. I'm gonna have to go with the burping. Yeah. Agreed.
I can't even clean up the dog vomit without getting sick. Yeah. Uh, just switch to the bigger glass because that's the end of the, uh, introductory question. Oh, that's just Just to get you going, and hopefully you would have had a couple more drinks.
So I have to drink it after that? Yes, you go, uh, no, no, here you go, to the third, oh, this is carbonated, let's go second line. Halfway, halfway, all right, all right, would you rather see your parents have sex, or have your parents watch you have sex? Mmm, I don't like that either way.
You can drink. Yeah, I like drinking anyway, I don't like that answer, so what, so, like, hypothetically speaking, If we do drink, then we don't have to do either. You don't have to answer the question. So you don't have to do either one because you're not answering the question.
Okay. These are very carbonated. They're way carbonated. Feel free to play along at home.
Get out your own drink and get ready to go. Oh, that would be fun. And then they can comment what they would have said. They would have said.
Certainly. Or what their favorite question was. Would you rather get a job promotion or sleep with your hot colleague? Job promotion?
Oh, on behalf of the hot colleagues, we're all very disappointed. I feel like you shouldn't mix work and pleasure. Plus, how do you guys are married anyway? Mike Palmer, Palmer's married.
I think they all are. Oh, we're with Keanu and Marcus, I guess. Oh, yeah, they don't count. I don't count, so it'd be you guys, it'd be like all of the rest of you guys except for- Um, I guess I'll take, I don't know what they'll promote me to, but because I just quit.
Don't say that. You didn't like, you are, I don't know, I don't like to say that you quit. Why, I quit. I'm no longer- No, it makes me sad.
I'm no longer part of the Hustler payroll. I'm still here all the time. Oh, that's not true. You are always a part of the Hustler mafia.
No, no, Greg sent me a video today of him deleting me from the payroll file. Really? Well, I don't care either way. He sort of hummed either TAPS or the Imperial March.
He wasn't sure which one it was. Well, you are still a part of the Hustler Mafia. All right. Would you rather wear the same pair of underwear for a week or wear your mother's clean underwear for a day?
I don't wear my mother's underwear just for a day. Yeah, I guess. I have no idea what kind of underwear she wears, but I don't imagine it's kind of big. I don't either, but yeah, mine too.
All right. Would you rather have nipples for toes or toes for nipples? That one's stupid, we should have just skipped that question. Do you want to skip it?
Yeah, we'll just skip that one, that one's stupid. I read some of these and took some of them off. Would you rather have fluorescent pubic hair or ultra long pubic hair? I'll go with the fluorescent, yeah, I don't want the long.
That'd be cool, kinda. Oh, look, glow in the dark! Yeah, it's like a party in your pants. It's 14...
Great, here we go. 1409, party in your pants. Oh, you weren't here for your new button last week, but I heard you did hear it though. I did.
I think it's this one. Even when I'm not invited. Say Palmer's hard. Nope, that's not it.
This one. Fine, fine, fine. Oh, you're right. I should drink more.
That would give me more liquid courage. Pull your pants down. Palmer's hard. There you go.
They're just getting longer, and now it's going to be "Party in Your Pants" after that. Wonderful. I can't wait. That'll be...
Fine, fine, fine. Oh, you're right. I should drink more. That would give me more liquid courage.
Pull your pants down. Palmer's hard. Party in your pants. Oh, yeah, that works fine.
That works great. I can't wait. I mean, technically, he's not breaking his promise. He did say he wouldn't make another button, so he's just adding on to his buttons.
Making longer buttons. Yeah, yeah. All right, would you rather your neighbors see your genitals or accidentally send a sexy text message to a relative? My neighbors see my genitals.
How sexy a text message are we talking about? Yeah, I feel like either way, that would be weird. And what is the relative? " I'd still be like, I'd like freak out.
Like, if I sent this to any of my relatives, I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to know that side of me. I don't want Kenny Bonnett seeing my business. I live next door to a black man, he'll go, boy, that's a little small, isn't he?
In comparison to Kenny Bonnett. Oh my god. All right. Would you rather have a threesome with two strangers or have sex with any one of your choice?
Any one of my choice. Yes, yes, same. Would you rather lick the bottom of a stranger's shoe, or have your best friend spit in your mouth? Hmm.
Um, I'd rather have my best friend spit in my mouth, but the bottom of the shoe is gross. So does that count, like, like, like, some people sometimes, like, when you're drinking, not that I've done this, but I've seen this on TikTok, like, all the time, where, like, they'll take, like, whatever they're drinking, and they'll spit it in someone's mouth. Oh, who hasn't done that with a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Yeah, so does that count?
No, I think it's... You have to have seen those type videos where the people are going at it and then somebody just spits in somebody's mouth. I don't understand what that does for anybody. Yeah, I think it's like a...
Submissive type thing? Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. Like, you're trash, let me spit... It's like a degrading thing, that's a thing now.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I... Well, I already answered, but I still want to drink this regardless.
Sorry. Uh, ladies, would you rather have perfect boobs or a perfect butt? I'm going to say a - I mean, you can always work on your butt, you can always like - No, no, it's not the question. You get one or the other.
You can't pick one and then work out to get the other. I think I'd rather have perfect boobs. No, I think I'd rather have a bigger butt. It's a perfect butt or a bigger, or perfect boobs, not bigger.
Well, I think it depends on the preference, really. I think I'm just digging too much - Well, it would be your preference. um then probably the butt no i don't know the boobs i don't know come back next week and find out which one she picked yeah i'm gonna i'm just gonna need like a whole week to decide really all right men so there was a question just for the women now there's one just for the men would you rather be great at sex and have a bad body figure or be bad at sex and have a great body figure i'd rather look bad and be good damn right yeah i think that's how every woman is like You know, for sex, it's like, don't judge a book by its cover, you know? Yeah, maybe he's good once you get him in there.
Yeah, exactly. You don't know until you find out. All right. Would you rather receive a sexy text message or sexy nude photos?
Mmm. Sexy text message, actually. Foreplay's important. I like the nude photos.
Well, those are always good, too, but I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I feel like, well... Can I get both?
So, I feel like... Like, I'm wearing this, so I'm gonna do this. But you see how, like, you pick nude photos, but like, the women- Well, men are very visual. Yes, whereas, like, girls, like, all guys do is like, and it's like, you know, like, this is their penis, you know?
Like, that's all they do. You know? That's it. How many dick pics do you get, young lady?
I didn't say I did. I'm just saying that that's all it is. That's all it is. So, it's really nothing special, honestly.
No, I've never gotten the thing where, I mean, nobody wants to use a picture of my dick. That's what I'm saying. I mean, it's not a bad looking dick, but still. Not that dicks aren't good.
Dicks are great. Nobody wants to see a picture. They're not attractive appendages. You'd rather have some like, you know, foreplay, you know?
A foreplay picture? But if I was a man, then absolutely, I would probably want to see any. You're talking away from the microphone. I'm so sorry.
I'd probably want to see... Tell them. Oh, I don't like when you do that. Tell them.
I know, because now I forgot what I said, because it's like pressure. Tell them you want to see the dick. No! That is not what I said.
That's what I said. That's what you said. I said that text messages are better because of the foreplay, whereas if I was a guy, I mean, like you said, guys are more visual, so that's what I'd want to do. Let's see what we're working with here, honey.
Come on, send some photos. Yeah, there you go. All right, would you rather lick peanut butter off your best friend's nipple or have your pet lick peanut butter off your nipples? Oh, wait, what?
Would you rather lick peanut butter off your best friend's nipples? I would feel bad if my pet did. Like, I'd feel like that was like animal abuse. Some people like that.
I would rather lick peanut butter off my best friend's nipple. Can I be your best friend? You already are my best friend, Palmer. No, we're not getting a peanut butter, no peanut butter!
That's why I chose that question, because you're my best friend. Would you rather have an orgy with complete strangers or have to have sex with all your exes at the same time? Oh, an orgy with strangers, 100%. 100%.
I've never been so sure of an answer in my life. Would you rather lose your sexual organs or gain 80 pounds in weight that you can't lose? 80 pounds on you wouldn't be that big a deal. It kind of wouldn't.
No, 80 pounds on me would be a lot. Wait, so what was the first option? Lose your sex organs or gain the weight. You can never lose the weight again.
if you if you gain the weight if wait if you lose if you lose the organs there's no sexy time there's no sexy time but if you gain the weight still maybe no sexy yeah still maybe no sexy time and you can't lose it so what happens if you gain it more on top of the 80 pounds that you can't it stops at 80 well i don't like that question one of those stephen king books i love stephen I want to drink and I don't want to answer this question, so. All right. Would you rather cheat on your partner and be caught or be cheated on and never know? I'd rather be cheated on and never know.
I'm kind of the opposite. You'd rather cheat and get caught? I'd rather know if I'm dating a scumbag that would cheat on me. But he's gonna know you cheated.
I wouldn't do that, but if I did, then I'd want him to know anyway, because that's a shit thing for me. That's a good thing for me to do. All right. Where are we at here?
Right here. Would you rather eat chocolate bar that tastes like mold or a lump of mold that tastes like chocolate? A lump of mold that tastes like chocolate. Yeah, I agree.
I mean, you probably get sick, but who cares? Shut your eyes, who cares? It tastes like chocolate. Ladies, would you rather wear lingerie every day or never wear a bra again?
I mean, not wearing a bra is freeing, but lingerie is nice, too. I'd prefer to never wear a bra again. Yeah, it's a little bit more freeing, but then at the same time, I feel like that'd be scary. Why would it be scary?
Because I kind of want people, you know, like, you know, sometimes when you're cold, you know, it's just like, you know, they become like hardest diamonds, you know? Hmm. It happens to men, too. Yeah.
So, I don't know, I think I'm going to go with, uh, because the lingerie can be uncomfortable, so I'm going to go with the bra. See, it is, the lingerie is uncomfortable. Yeah. It's like wrapping paper, anyway.
And when it's, like, lacy, like, it's itchy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just, eh. Like, it's every, it's nice every now and again, plus it's like, if you wear it all the time.
It seems like such a waste of time, though. Well, it does come off eventually. Eventually, try right away. But it's for, but it's for, like, you know, foreplay.
Adrien had this outfit on on her honeymoon, I honestly still don't remember what it looked like. It came off that fast. That hurts. No, it doesn't.
That looks great. Let's get that off. I honestly don't remember. I couldn't even tell you what color it was.
I mean, yeah. Might have been red? But us women, we take a lot of pride in the lingerie because it makes us feel good and sexy, you know? I don't know how to rather she wear like a pair of booty shorts and a loose-fitting t-shirt and come to bed.
Well, yeah, but that's like, you know, every guy has their preference. I think lingerie is what you make it. Hey, would you rather have kinky sex involving melted chocolate or whipped cream? I feel like the melted chocolate is kind of like the wax thing.
It's so messy. It is messy, but it's kind of like the wax, the candle wax thing. We've only done it in the shower. Oh, no, see, I don't get that, dude, because you got to peel it off.
It's like, ow, ow, ow! Some people like it. You know, it hurts. Well, just get pinched instead.
Same thing, and you won't have bird marks. You're going to have welts all over you when you get done. I'm going to drink. My can's already empty.
I'm sorry. I like to answer questions. All right, would you rather get slapped in the face every time you thought about sex or sneeze continuously while having sex? Slapped in the face while thinking I had sex?
No, when you think about sex. Yeah. Oh. Oh, shit.
Right. So something's going to have to light up. Somebody's going to have to smack you every time. I get hit all day long.
Yeah. I'd rather sneeze, I think. Yeah, I'd rather, much rather sneeze. Is that like a continuous sneezing?
Yes, it says continuous sneezing. Okay, then you can just gag somebody, I don't know. Well, you're just working into the thing. Yeah, there you go.
Achoo! Woo! There you go. Yeah, I can agree with that.
All right, we'd rather have, oh, this is two, we're skipping that one too. Would you rather have pubic hair that grows back five times as fast or have a micropenis? I have the hair that grows back five times as fast. Yeah, and then you can just shave it.
If you really wanted to, unless you want to braid it, you know? I guess, ugh. Would you rather be caught having sex at your workplace, or have your boss know only what, you have sex? Mmm.
Ooh, either one's not good. I mean, they're both bad. Like, either way, your boss has a chance. Not here, but have you ever had sex in a workplace?
No. No. Yeah, man. I don't think, I'm just too respectful for that.
Like, that would, like, it's... It's too boring. There's, well, I wouldn't say too boring. Like, I think it's like the risk factor, like somebody, you know, like I feel like that's just too much, too, too much.
So I don't know. I'm going to drink because I don't know the answer to that question. Would you rather live? Oh, it is.
It's getting a little sour, but not in a bad way. I like the sour stuff. Yes. Would you rather live in the Playboy Mansion or live at a strip club?
Strip clubs were fun. You remember that Palmer? We didn't go together. Don't say those things.
Well, no, but I'm saying, like, when I went and we did the whole episode. Talk to the camera. Tell them about going to the strip club. It was really fun.
The strip club was really fun. 10 out of 10 would recommend. Why have you never been back? Because, I mean, what am I going to say?
Hey, Aiden, I feel like going to the strip club, we should go. Yes? Yes? No, that's weird.
Why? Because, what if another stripper makes a move on me? I'm like... Well, the guys actually...
Go with Bubble Butt. Ooh, that's a good idea. Ooh, there you go. Me, Vanessa, and Erin go to the strip club.
- Who's Vanessa? - Vanessa's Marcus' girlfriend. - Oh, I don't know, I only met her once. Lovely young lady.
- She is so sweet, I love Vanessa. - I don't remember her name. - Yes. You, Vanessa, and who?
- And Aaron. - Bubble Butt. - Yeah. - Call her by her given name, Bubble Butt.
- Well, no. - Why not? - I'll call her Sugar Tits. - Why?
- I don't know. - She still won't come on the show? - I mean, you guys haven't asked since. I would love to have her on.
- We should have had her on tonight. Yeah, I should have thought ahead. But, as long as we don't talk about anything that could incriminate her nursing, then we'd be okay. Well, we're not gonna ask her if she's filling up patients or anything, no.
Well, no, not like that, but like, ooh, if we have her on, we should do like a middle-aged man, like, health thing. We do every other week. We have somebody else do it. Mandy did it this week.
Well, yes, but like I'm saying, like, you know, like, something along those lines, you know? What can she talk about? Well, I don't know, she's about to get her, she's about to graduate with her nursing degree. So what, she's gonna check all our prostates?
I hope not. That's a little weird on camera. Yeah, I'd say. Hernia?
Shake us all for hernias? Do you know how that works with a man getting checked for hernia? Isn't it like up their butt? No, that's the prostate.
That's the prostate. The prostate. Is that uncomfortable? It's not fun.
Do you have to like pry open? You don't, the doctor does. That's what I'm saying. You lean, you lean, you lean over, wow, we're talking about prostate cancer today.
Okay, we don't have to. No, no, no, no, that's fine, we got a kill time anyway, we're only 27 minutes. You lean over, you drop your drawers, and you lean over the exam bed. Doctor comes up behind you and he says, "You're gonna feel a little bit of pressure.
" How can you relax? He's greased up two fingers, he got a glove on, sticks his fingers in your butt, he checks your prostate, and then he's done. It's in and out, it's less than a minute. He puts his fingers up your butt.
butt. Two fingers in the pooper. You'll see if your prostate is swollen and then he pulls it out and pulls the glove off and says you're fine. That's uncomfortable.
Yeah, it's not a fun thing. Nope, nope. Now for the hernia, they put your balls, they come up and they cup your balls and they say turn your head and cough. Oh, yeah.
Don't they normally do that anyway for like physicals and stuff? They're checking for a hernia. Yeah. I feel like that's definitely not as bad as a prostate.
No, no, no, not. And maybe get a pretty nurse. So what, do your prostate? No, well, I guess you could, but I was thinking more of the other one.
Well, what if she has like, you know, claws on? I think the last time I got one, she did have nails and a wedding ring. Stop. I think she had a wedding ring too, if I remember correctly.
And she didn't take it off? No. I didn't feel it. Man, you're a champ, Palmer.
Why? Not the butt, the full front. I was like... Not the fingers and the butt.
No, you don't want the girl with the nails, no. I was like, wow, Palmer, that's impressive. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, the front part. And then she thought she felt something, so she went to it, so she had to do it twice.
Oh! Oh, yeah, you feel something, don't you? You just want to hold the boys again. I feel like it's, I feel like it's like a common thing for guys to be like, oh, well, like, I don't want to get a boner when, like, that stuff happens.
It happens so fast. I feel like it does anyway. You don't have time. It's not like she's there, you know, going blub, blub, blub, blub for a few minutes, it's quick.
Well, I don't have balls, so I guess I don't know. Right, it's very quick. So even if you did, she lets go fast enough where she's not gonna know. Oh.
Then you pull your pants back up. But she was a very pretty girl, and then she was a nurse practitioner, and then Adrian had to go to the doctor a couple weeks later or something. I go, did you get the blonde? And she goes, yeah, she's very pretty.
I go, yeah, that's who checked me for the hernia. She goes, you're never going back again. Stop. That is so messed up.
It's a medical thing. What do you want me to do? I didn't ask for her. Well, no.
All right. Where are we at? You're having sex at work. All right.
Would you rather live? Oh, we did Playboy Ranger. We did that already. Would you rather make out with your biggest crush for 10 seconds or your sibling's best friend for 10 minutes?
I don't see. Why is that even a question? Yeah. Because it's going to be make out with your crush.
Yeah. I want to make out with my brother's friend. Yeah. I mean, unless your brother's friend is your crush.
Oh, there you go. Then you take the 10 minutes, not the 10 seconds. But either way, that's a big no. Maybe it's what they're thinking.
No, it's not a no. It's a yes. It was one or the other. The name of the, the name of the game is, would you rather, would you rather do this or that?
Well, no, I'm saying no, as in like, I would not make out with any of my brother's best friends because gross. Oh. I'm very particular. See, my brother's best friends are guys, so that's weird.
Hmm. All right, would you rather, would you rather smell like body odor for, for a year or have terrible acne for six months? Ooh, I don't like acne. I don't know.
I think I take those. Terrible, yeah, body odor. Yeah. Just stay away from me for a year.
Would you rather have sex with your clothes on for a year and never see your partner fully naked again? Oh, oh, no, the first one. Oh, no, you don't want to see him naked or? No, I do want to see him naked.
Oh, yeah, I like seeing Andrew naked. Yeah. What kind of question is that, too? That's dumb.
Maybe some people have a body image or they don't like being naked. All right, would you rather have really adventurous sex or romantic sex for the rest of your life? Adventurous sex. You're going with adventures, too.
Yeah, because, you know, you don't get bored, not that you would get bored with your significant other, but I'm just saying. I'll change cameras for a minute. Romantic sex is a lot more work. That, too.
A lot of prep involved. Yeah. And like, you know, like if it's like spontaneous or like adventurous sex, you could be like, oh, I was just trying to be spontaneous, even though, you know. Less work involved.
Yeah, yeah. All right. Spontaneous sex is fun. Would you kiss someone in the dark or make out in a public setting?
So wait, so I'm guessing it's you don't know who you're kissing in the dark. Yeah, I would take that too. You kiss somebody in the dark instead of making it out in public? You're not a public affection person?
Oh, I don't care about that. Oh. Either way, I don't care. Okay, so then for you, it's be kissed in the dark by a stranger or make out with Aiden at Waffle House?
I'm gonna get with Aiden at Waffle House. Well, there you go. Do you want to answer? oh no sorry I was thirsty I gotta make out with my wife in public I can't be kissing strangers yep that's right we're loyal we're loyal partners do you need another one oh yes thank you alright would you rather have sex with Queen Elizabeth or Hillary Clinton I drink this whole fucking thing before I answer that I would have sex with Queen Elizabeth I love Queen Elizabeth.
She is the coolest lady in the world. I mean, she is cool, but... She owns all the swans. All the swans?
All the swans in England? She owns them all. Really? She doesn't have a driver's license.
You know why? She signs all the driver's licenses and says they're okay. Are you kidding? No!
She is cool. She's cool. I mean... One time when she was younger, there was a parade.
Somebody tried to shoot her. She didn't even stop the parade! She is badass. All right, fine, Queen Elizabeth, there's that.
Right. Plus, you get to say you had sex with Queen Elizabeth. Who wants to say they had sex with Hillary Clinton? " Right, her husband did their stuff anyway.
" Sex addiction. That's for damn sure. Yeah, but what if that means they had to go somewhere else to get it too? Oh, fuck.
That's true. I mean, you're not getting it enough. Well, what if I give them enough? If they're addicted, you can never give them enough.
I'm going with the low sex drive. I love you very much, honey. Oh, shit. She don't watch the show.
I mean, I guess low sex drive because I don't want them sleeping around. Right. Okay. Would you rather, would you rather have your sexual partner dirty talk or be completely silent?
Oh, dirty talk. Dirty talk, yeah, dirty talk. Yeah, complete silence. Like, gross.
That's so boring. Take off the pump and talk to me dirty, Daddy. I thought it was sugar pants. Well, I don't know.
Maybe you called him Daddy because you're talking dirty. No, Daddy. No, Daddy stuff. Men, would you rather have C-cup man boobs or a two-inch penis?
C-cup's pretty big, isn't it? I mean, if, yeah, yeah. I mean, C-cups are too bad. I guess I'm going with the boobs.
Yeah, two, two penis? No, no, no, no, no, no. Two inch penis. Two inch penis?
No. No. Okay, would you rather have to sing the number one chart song every time you have sex or have sex with the number one charting artist once? Who's the number one charting artist currently?
Let's figure this out real quick here. Talk amongst yourselves at home. Danielle, tell them something stupid. That's not hard.
Okay, so I guess I'm excited about the new beers that we got in today. It's like Christmas. So we got the number one IPA in the world. It's a double hazy IPA, and it's called Tour Bus by Distilled.
It's local to us. Harry Styles. Yeah, he has some romantic music. Who's Harry Styles?
Um, here. He's the guy from One Direction. Hold on, let's go, images, it'll be easier, images. Nope, no picture of Harry Styles.
There's no picture of Harry Styles? Just the billboard. I know you've heard this song. Don't play this song, don't play this song.
We can't play the song, we can't play the song, seriously, turn the song off, we will get flagged, and they will, can't play the song. That was just a start of nothing. It was just a random, you know, mixtape that I made. As it was, Harry Styles.
All right, I don't want to have sex with Harry Styles, so I'll say it. Wait, you have to have sex with Harry Styles? Would you rather have sex with Harry Styles? Sing the number one charting song every time you have sex or have sex with the number one charting artist.
It's not a woman for quite a while. Are you sure it's not Harry Styles? Are you sure it's Harry Styles? It's Harry Styles, the Hot 100 Week of April 30th, 2022, as it was Harry Styles.
Hmm. I haven't had sex with Harry Styles. He's a sweetheart. You have?
No, I'm saying I would. Oh, you would? Yeah. He's a sweetheart.
All right. But would you rather have terrible breath or stinky earwax? Stinky earwax? Stinky earwax.
Who's going to smell my earwax? Oh, we're still... I was going to change the cameras again. Are they stinky earwax?
Weird. Uh, would you rather, we have a lot of 36 minutes. This is going to be a shorter show folks. We're very sorry.
Uh, would you rather have to say we did that right. Would you rather date someone who refuses to kiss you or someone who refuses to give you oral sex? Kissing's nice. Yeah.
I, I, I'd rather do without the blow job than the kissing. Yeah. I can agree with that. I mean, it's kind of weird.
I feel like a lot of people are going to disagree, but the oral sex and not kiss me. Cause I feel like you only get oral sex like every now and again, where like a kiss, you You can be like, hey, can I get a kiss, you know? Right, right. Yeah.
Uh, honey, I'm going to work. Well then, come here. Yeah. Yeah.
Replace it with a- Just a little man. Yep. Uh, here we go. Would you rather be handcuffed or blindfolded while doing the deed?
Handcuffed. Blindfolded. Blindfolded. Blindfolded could be anybody.
I like to use my hands. Oh, that's true. Hmm. They're both good, but I'm going to say handcuffed.
Alright, I'm laughing at the next one. Would you rather your partner cry uncontrollably whenever they see you naked, or laugh uncontrollably when they see you naked? I'm going to say cry because I'm going to convince myself that it's happy tears. Right, because I look so good.
Yeah, they're just crying. She just can't help it and cry. " I don't know, I can deal with the laughing too, I guess she laughs at me all the time. What do you mean, okay, but what if like, you know, you're just standing there naked and she's just like laughing like, oh man, is he really that small?
He looks, well, that's not the problem. Stop! Alright, do they have sex in a smelly bathroom or on a stain-filled bed? Ugh, smelly bathroom.
I don't want to get on a dirty bed. A dirty bed's gross. It's gross. Would you rather your Instagram followers see your nudes or your grandparents?
I don't think I can see my grandparents why do I care? Is it my nude grandparents? Would you rather your Instagram followers see your nudes or your grandparents? Oh my nudes are my grandparents nudes.
Oh. Still they can see the grandparents nudes. Yeah I'd rather do that. They're all dead and it doesn't matter at this point.
Oh wow okay mine are not but I'm older than you. But I only have my grand my grandmothers now so I have two grandmothers. Would you rather hook up with your doctor or your boss? Why are you looking at me?
Would you rather hook up with your boss, Palmer? I don't have one. I'm my own boss. Well, what about- I go with my boss all the time.
Well, what about Mike and- I don't work here no more. Okay, I'm saying, no, but you have to answer the question, you have to answer the question. They were never my boss. Okay, then, fine.
Your work people, your colleagues, I'm changing the question. People that work for me? A couple of them are cute. They're all girls.
Well, okay, besides that, like, I'm talking about Mike and Greg, or- How do you know Mike and I travel all the time? You know, we haven't had sex. Oh, you're right. I shouldn't.
Don't judge us. You're right. You know, you did have that room in, wasn't it Vegas or something? Vegas with the shower.
Vegas with the shower right there. You never know. Taking my wife to Vegas this year when we go. Oh, yeah?
That's right. We're not staying in the same hotel, though. Okay, so what was the question again? Do you want to sleep with Mike or Greg?
I don't want to sleep with any of them. They're my bosses. It's completely unprofessional. You get the choices.
Maybe then you get the promotion. That's not how that. I don't want to get the promotion like that. Why not?
That's how it works! Um... Come on, tell the camera what your brother you want to sleep with. I didn't...
What did this turn into? That's what it says, right? There was another option. Would you rather sleep with Mike or Greg?
It says right here. Oh, okay. Oh, you drank. Your doctor.
Who's your doctor? It's a girl. So, is she cute? No.
Well, it's a doctor. If I had to choose... If it's a doctor or the boss, you're picking the doctor. Yeah, honestly.
Doctor, you think, wouldn't be bad. They know where everything is. I know. Well, okay, well, okay.
But, at the same time, I would never want-- Is that your female business doctor or a regular doctor? Regular doctor. Do you have a female business doctor? Mmm, I did.
An OB, I guess they're called? Uh, OB-GYN. Yeah, I know, but short for OB. Oh, yes, that's what it's called.
Was that a male or a female? Female. I don't think I'd be comfortable with a male, but like, it could be changed. It's really changed because I haven't gone since I was like 17, 18.
You're only 21, young lady. Yeah, so it's been a while. Not that long. Well, I mean, it's still been a while.
So where do you get your medicine? I get it from my psychiatrist. No, your, no baby medicine. I assume there's no baby medicine.
Yes, there is. I get that from my, no, from my doctor. That you don't go see? Oh, your regular doctor.
Yeah, my regular doctor. Oh, you just have him in the OB. Yep. Aren't you supposed to be getting smears or something every year?
Um, when you turn 21, yeah, I haven't gotten one though. Oh, alright. Sounds kind of scary. Boop my head quick, hurt my neck.
Alright. Oh, where are we at here? I just want to make it clear to you guys that I'm not answering the question about my boss. I wouldn't sleep with any of my bosses.
I could never think of them that way. That'd be weird. Whatever. Would you rather have sex in a car or in a tent?
Are you considered my boss? I'm just kidding. No. I'm just kidding.
On the podcast. Then my boss, my boss! It's definitely the boss! And then we have to hit this, oh wait, I gotta go back here.
Oh my god. Oh no. Oh no. Alright, a tent or a car?
A tent. A tent. A tent is so cool. A car is so much trouble.
It depends on the car. There's enough room. Like if I had sex in my Beamer, like the leather seats, and like how compact it is, like mm-mm. Well, you can move to the back.
That's what I even mean, even in the back. Oh, in the back. Yeah, a tent is way cooler, like you have like the nature and stuff. You can't see through a tent.
No, but it's like the mindset that, you know, you're in nature, you're around some trees. It's so hot, mosquitoes everywhere. Well, not at night. And if it's raining, you accidentally touch the roof with your butt or something, it's gonna start dripping.
Well, how small is your tent, Palmer? It's a little two-man pup tent. Maybe there's a lot of movement in them. Yo, you're right, you're right, you're right, I shouldn't, you know, maybe you're very flexible, Palmer.
I'm your boss, you better get to the hang of these shirts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. All right, would you rather do, ooh, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, we'll go back that way. Oh, no.
Lady, would you rather do a wet t-shirt contest or give someone a lab dance? Oh, fuck, I have a t-shirt and a handful of singles right now, pick one. Wait, alright, okay, um. No, you're not dancing for me.
Oh, that's fine. I can't dance, so I'm gonna go with wet t-shirt contents. Oh. Contents.
Contest. Contest. Oh, the breathalyzer game is going to be fun with you. No, I just like.
Now you can't talk. No, I'm just like too like amped up for this episode. All right. Would you rather receive.
Oh, wait, wait. Oh, here we go. Would you rather drink a glass of pee or eat a teaspoon of poop? Those are gross.
I'm going to drink. Would you rather receive an erotic letter or send a dirty text message? Like a handwritten letter? I'm guessing.
Ooh, those are romantic. Yeah, but they're hard to read if you can't read their handwriting. " You want me to do what? What are we doing here?
I'd rather get the text message. I'm going to go with letter, only because... Well, look, you've got to mail it. It takes three days, but then you're not in the mood anymore.
Well, but that's, it's the effort. I feel like nowadays, especially like in my generation, that's all you get are texts. I think like a letter would be really cool like in like the olden days. All right, uh, would you rather kiss your celebrity crush or have 1 million followers on social media?
I'll take the 1 million followers, Bob. Yeah, me too, me too. I don't know who my celebrity crush would be. Who is your celebrity crush?
I don't know at the moment. I have so many, but now you have to pick one. I don't know at the moment. Is it like, oh, Betty White's dead, never mind.
Oh, Betty White. No, not Betty White. I don't know. Usually the problem is, even with actors, once I like them, I'll start looking stuff up about them, and seems like, well, this is really a terrible person.
Yeah, yeah, it's like, you know what I found out today, the guy who plays Flash in the TV show? Yeah. He's a shit guy. Oh, look at the guy, maybe it's the Flash thing.
The Flash guy from the movies has been arrested three times in the last three weeks. Maybe that, yeah, that's him, then that's him. Okay, that's him, yeah. Maybe that's him.
Yeah, he's a shitbag. Yeah, DUI, beat up some woman. And then he was harassing people at the gas station or something. But some guys are really nice, like Leonardo DiCaprio is like the nicest guy.
He's old now though. Yeah, but he also dates women my age. Oh. Yeah, I thought about it.
There's your chance. I know, I thought about it. And he's not diabetic. But, no.
No pump to remove. No, but he has like a little bit like, you know, accessories. So, I've seen a lot of commercials lately for this little disc that they can wear where they shoot some of their stuff instead of a pump. Yeah, that's just, it's uncomfortable.
It's kind of better than the pump with the hose. No, no, so the pump you can keep in your pocket, like typically, like, for example, if you go to like Universal, if you're like walking. I meant for, uh, for, uh, happy time. Oh, um.
I mean, you're sticking the pump in your bra, like you said on the other episode. Yeah, but like. The disc, you just act like it's another nipple somewhere. But that would be uncomfortable for him.
This is all about you, dear. We're not concerned with him. Not necessarily, no, I'm a compassionate person, Palmer. But it's okay for him when you've got the pump stuck in your shirt or in your bra.
Yeah, that's fine. That means one, you had to keep a bra on during sex. Well, it doesn't have to be, you know, if I'm on my back, you know, just like. Just lays on you.
Yeah, yeah. But I mean, like, I don't know. Like. I'm just picturing this.
Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. Court's too short. Court's too short.
Back up, back up. I mean, like the whole like process, like when he has to put in the pump or put in the cannula regardless, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's a painful process. Like, it's like you have to, like, and you get scar tissue from that. I would imagine. So the scar tissue from the other thing.
Does it, does it, does it, is it like a port, like when you have cancer treatments? I don't really know how that works, the cancer treatments. Well, they keep like an open IV type things, what it is, and then. Um, kind of, but like, so like if you untwist where the pump is, there's like a little like thing where you untwist that kind of connects to you and stuff.
Right. So that's where that would kind of come into play. Is it always in the same place? It doesn't move?
No, you can put it in different places. Like, you can put... So, he puts it in? Yeah, he puts it in himself.
So, when he takes the pump off, is he completely disconnected, or is the little thing still sticking out? No, the little thing's still sticking out unless he takes it off, but I don't know why he would. So, like, for example, if he were to go swimming, he'd take the pump off, but he'd still have, like, the little set there. What if water gets in him?
I don't know. Does it bubble? I don't think so. Can he, like, make it bubble?
Make it bubble? No, I don't think so. No? No.
All these fun party games. We're having a pool party. Come on over, cupcake. We're going to see if you can blow bubbles out your little pig.
Diabetes are fun. Would you rather drink? Oh, we did that. Did that.
Did that. Did that. Would you rather talk dirty with the person sitting to your right or left? Yes.
Yes. Yes. I'm just kidding. There's nobody else here.
It would have been good if Chet was here. Yeah. So the question is, is the person sitting to your left or to your right? From the left or to your right.
Yes. All right. Would you rather masturbate every day for the rest of your life or never be able to masturbate again? Oh, what the, what is that kind of question?
Every day? Every day. It's going to involve some chafing and stuff going on over here. Well, yeah, but like, never again?
You know, people have needs. You know, we're humans. I don't know. Every, so you have to every day.
Some, but the thing is though, like some people do. I don't know, for a guy, that's a little hard, because what if it's a sex day, and I've already done it, and then, nah, I just give it up. What? I give it up.
No way. Sure, I'm an old man, it doesn't matter at this point. Don't say that, you're not an old man. No, I give it up.
It's not like it's that often, anyway, anymore, so. Ouch. But then you'd be giving up that in total. Yeah, right.
So, okay, I'll give it up. Does sex count? I'll just get her to have sex for one extra time. So, that doesn't count.
Sex doesn't count. Masturbating is like... That's by yourself. Yes.
Well, I know that much. That's what the word means. Well, I know what that means, but like I wasn't sure. Right here on Google.
Masturbating by yourself. Perfect. Let's define masturbation. Want me to Google it?
Masturbate. Here we go. Father BDP is gonna define masturbation. I spelled it wrong.
Urban Dictionary. Oh, nope. You better put that T in there. You have to cite your sources.
If you put that T... Put it under my speech clause. If you don't put that T in there, it's a completely different word. According to Urban Dictionary...
Oh, I misspelled it anyway. Hold on, we gotta click the link. From the Latin, Masturbari. Further Deviation, Uncertainty, Masturbator for more.
Let's see, let's see. It's a verb. Singular, simple, present. Masturbates, present possible masturbating to stimulate oneself sexually, especially by use of one's hand or a sex toy made for this purpose.
These are their purpose, often to the point of ejaculation or orgasm. This is according to Wikitari? I thought you were going to say Wikipedia, I'm like that's not a reliable source, even though their definition was correct. Wikidictionary.
Wikidictionary. I don't know what it is. Weird. Yes.
To someone else's... Oh, you can do it to... what? To stimulate someone else sexually without penetration of the penis.
Oh, that's true. To stimulate or please oneself by means of anything not necessarily sexual that does not get them anywhere. I mean, I feel like there's another word for that. Like, in terms of a guy doing it to a girl, I feel like "fingering" is the right word.
Or "playing with". That's probably street lingo, I would have known. Or like, even if like, what if you were talking to your wife and you'd be like, "I'm gonna masturbate you right now". That's kinda weird.
She would tell me to go away. Yeah, exactly. That's weird. You gonna what?
Go get in the shower and take care of that by yourself. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird. How are you gonna do that to me?
I don't have a penis. Yeah. It definitely sounds like a guy thing. Like, it's a guy word.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, girls don't say I'm, you know. Right.
I don't think so. Hey, would you rather get a urinary tract infection each time you have sex or never be able to finish? I mean, being a girl, you don't really finish anyway. Ever?
No, I'm just kidding. Cupcake up your game. No, no, no, no, no. It's a joke within girls.
Girls, I don't know if you've heard this, but girls always fake it. Not always. Well, no, not always. I'm sure there has been some, but yes, not always.
But you know what I'm talking about? Like, a lot of girls fake it. It was a joke. I would rather, ooh, do you ever have any track infections?
Or, I don't think, I've never had one. Ooh, it's a UTI. You've never had one? I don't think I've ever had one.
Wow. I take care of myself, Palmer. Apparently. Well, sometimes you can't help it.
Yeah. Sometimes you have a lot of sex over a weekend, and then you get one. I mean, you have too much to drink down at the bar at the hotel every night. Yeah, but orgasms are only like a few seconds, maybe a minute.
So... Never again. Okay, never mind. Never mind.
I think I drive myself crazy. I'd rather have a UTI. Alright, would you rather catch your housemaids masturbating or have your parents catch you masturbating? Housemaids.
You guys live with anybody at the moment? Um, kind of, we're kind of living with Marcus and Vanessa right now. Oh, they moved in? Kind of, like, you know, just until, you know, the whole thing, until we move, type thing.
And then they're not gonna live with you anymore? No, they are, but like, you know... So they live with you now, too? Yeah.
Is there two bedrooms? No. So you all sleep in the same room? Kind of.
It's kind of like, there's like a, this place, when I tell you it's a piece of shit, it's a piece of shit. So is it just a one-room studio type place? Yeah, yeah. Ah, okay.
Yeah, so it kind of explains the photos earlier with all the furniture in the one. Yes, that's what it is. Okay. Yes.
All right. Yep. Gotcha. So you guys are in the same.
Is there two beds? Yes. Oh, yes, yes. Are you all sleeping in the one bed?
Nope. Because remember, we made the question earlier about the stains. You got to have, you know. No, no.
You guys take like shifts? No. Take turns? Nope.
They sleep on their own bed. But you're all in the same room. Okay. But there are, I'm like, we're like here.
And they're like here. Still though. Yes, but like, you know, you know, you're young, you know, you got to do what you got to do, you know? So do you wait till somebody's not home?
No. That's weird. It's going to be a good Monday meeting awkward for you. No, no, no, no, no.
I know what you're thinking and that's not it. That is not it. Yep, you're all going at it at the same time. Just two separate beds.
You know, no, no. If you need to know, Palmer, if you need to know. Well, hold on. The fans need to know.
How is your living arrangement working for your personal time? We don't have sex at home anymore. We actually go out and like... What?
Like kind of like public places, I guess, but not really public. Never. He's never allowed in this building again. Who?
Your boyfriend. Why? Not here, no! You're having sex in public places!
No, not like that. Never allowed here again. No, not like that. They're like, um, I don't want to see it on camera.
Well, don't give the exact location. Are they food places? No. Ew, no.
Are they bars? Are you parking in the car? Nope. Tents.
Nope. So not food, not bars. All I'm going to say is secluded places. Definitely not in public.
Definitely not. You said it was out in public. Definitely not. Well, okay, but you know what I mean.
Like, not like bars, food, that's gross. Not workplaces. Maybe you're in the McDonald's parking lot, or in the McDonald's bathroom. Okay, no.
In the drive-thru. There's nothing good about that. Nope. There's nothing good about that.
How are you having sex out in public if you're not in public? I don't, because it's not technically. The beach? No, it's not, no.
By a lake. No. In the car. No.
Outside. I'm gonna say no regardless, Palmer. Oh no, now I gotta figure this out. Alright, we gotta write this down, we gotta start making a chart.
Play along at home with your chart, gentlemen. If you have questions, send them in quickly. I mean... Alright, so food was no.
Work was no. Bars are no. Cars are no. We're running out of places, young lady.
7-Eleven. Publix. We can call him. No, no, we're not calling him.
You don't like to call anybody. I don't like to call people. It never works out well. Why?
Alright, would you rather have one partner or multiple partners? One. Is that at a time? I'm gonna go with yes.
So, like, would you rather be, like, polyamorous? Meaning, like, more than one? I understand what the word means. I don't understand what the word mean.
Oh, okay. I'm not that old. I wasn't sure. I just wanted to, you know.
Yeah, no, it's too much work. I get too much to worry about one person. Yeah. I got to worry about four or five.
Plus, I don't like any of that stuff. Like, no offense to anybody who does. No. There's nothing wrong with that.
But me, my personal preference is one person. Say there's three, and then the other two start liking each other more, now I'm sitting there going, hey. Like, I feel left out. Hey, I'm going to go back to the masturbate question earlier.
Yeah, exactly. And I'm not allowed to anymore, because I gave it up. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
Okay, would you rather have sex with my best friend or with your best friend? If I have to pick, I'm picking your best friend. Yeah, I know, you do. Well, I'm not having sex with Chet.
Why not? Because I'd rather have sex with your best friend. I assume it's a girl. Who says it's a girl?
Chet and I have not traveled together. How do you know it's a girl? What if it's a guy? You don't have a guy, best friend.
Who, Cupcake? Would you rather have sex with Cupcake? He seems like he'd be very soft. Oh!
Wouldn't put up a tremendous amount of fight. Oh my gosh, I'm not gonna answer that. I'm not even gonna say anything to that question. If it gives me a hard time, I'll pull that pump off and then it'll just go off.
Um, I'm going to say, I mean, I have like, I have like a guy and a girl best friend. So I'm gonna say... Well I can't have sex with myself, I just, I gave up masturbating. You're right, you're right, yeah, you're right, you're right.
So if you're my best friend, then I'd definitely pick my best friend. Oh, I'm sorry, that was a bad thing. All right, would you rather swallow or spit? Do you want a drink on this one?
Yeah, let's both drink on this one. No comment. You would rather, see, I told you it's gonna get worse disease go. Mm-hmm.
I'm getting very bloated, these are very carbonated drinks. Mm-hmm. All right, would you rather be on top or underneath? So if I would rather...
Rather. You want to do all the work or just lay there and watch? It depends on the mood I'm in, but if I really had to pick at this moment, on top. I like the watch.
I like to let them do all the work. I mean, that's always nice. Nice. Takes the pressure off.
That's true. Let me know when you're finished, sweetheart. Would you rather bring another person in bed or be cheated on? Bring another person in bed?
If I was ever cheated on, that'd be it. Would you rather do romantic things or try out some new kinky ideas? Kinky ideas. Kinky ideas.
I think I've done all the romantic things. I don't know what else there would be to do. I mean, there's always more. I mean, I'm young, so there's always more, like, romantic things I could be doing.
But kinky things are always fun. Do you do romantic things for cupcake? Yeah, all the time. Like what?
Like, um, for example, there was one time when- What was the last one? Not this one time. What was the last thing you did and when was it? Well, he had a really rough day at work, so I wrote like all these like sticky notes around the room about like what I love about him, and then I did some candles, and then I played a record for us.
What record? It was, oh gosh. Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye? No.
It was a good one. I like Big Butts. No, we don't have that record. One of those rap songs Mike yells about the N-word and the women with the butts and the dicks and stuff.
Nope, we collect a lot of records, like we have anything from like The Beach Boys to like Dr. Dre. Like we have so much. So I think it was, I want to say it was Arctic Monkeys.
Arctic Monkeys. I don't know what that is. They're a good band. Oh, yeah.
You like the lead singer from Arctic Monkey. Isn't that what you said earlier? Nope. Ice Nine Kills.
What's with the cold stuff with you? What do you mean cold? Ice Nine Kills, Arctic Monkey. Is it all about, like, you like guys that have physical problems, and now you like bands that have ice in the name?
No, not necessarily. I just, okay, Palmer, tell me this guy is not hot. Don't play the song! I'm not going to play the song.
I'm not going to play the song. I just want to show you what I'm talking about. We didn't get past the problem of three years ago with YouTube. We're still flagged.
Do you know who Joe Diffie is? No. He was a country western singer that died, and he has his song, Put Me Up Against a Jukebox. You know what Aiden looks like, right?
You know what Aiden looks like, obviously. Let me finish the story. That's Spencer Charnes. Is there not one of him licking cutlery?
Yeah. That doesn't look like him. Ah, he's so hot! He is a very attractive man, but he's not a little gay man.
Oh, he is a beyond attractive man. He could have all my kids, I don't even care. I would give him 30 kids and it'd be fine. I love that man.
I would do anything for that man. Maybe he's a bad person. No, he's a good person. How do you know?
Because I know him. He licks knives. Yeah. I'm just kidding.
Oh my Lord. Listen, I... Because now everyone's going to be asking, I do not have a knife kink, but he gave me a knife kink. Apparently she does.
If he wanted to kill me in cold blood, I would let him. Aww, why I don't? What are you going to let him kill you for? Because I love him.
You wouldn't let Aiden kill you? No. Aww, poor cupcake. Alright, uh, but would you rather end a first date with sex or a passionate kiss?
End the first, ooh, I feel like a passionate kiss. I'd go for the kiss on the first date. Oh, wait, wait, wait. So like end it as in like you will potentially see them again?
Yes. You had a good time. You've been out to dinner. You went to the bar.
You had sex in some weird place because you don't have sex at home. No, you didn't have sex because we're skipping that part, but you had a nice date. You enjoyed the man's company. Yeah, I'm going to say conversation.
The night's over. You go, Hey, you want to come back in or do you just kiss him on the door? I'm good with a passionate kiss. I'm not like a one night, like, Oh, you took me out on one date.
Okay. Well, so what, how many dates? My son's going through this now. I told him to go on a third date, tell her you have a four date rule.
Yes. That's a great idea. Put her off another one. For one, it's like hard to get.
It shows that, you know, you're not all about sex. Right. Yeah. I'd say.
So what's your rule? My rule is whenever I'm ready. So like eight. Oh, it could be like nine dates.
It could be. Could be. It could be. How many dates did Aiden put in?
Cupcake. I feel bad saying his name. Why? Because he might, because we talk about shit here on the radio, on the radio, on the podcast, maybe he would like to be anonymous.
He doesn't care. He thinks the show is hilarious. He watches it every week. She doesn't love you, buddy.
I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry, Spencer Charnes, if I had to pick, I don't know. Maybe if you licked the knives at home. Yeah, right?
Or lick the insulin needles. Oh! I'm just kidding. When I first met him, though...
Can he, could he just squirt it in his mouth or was that working? I imagine it would taste terrible. It smells strong, so, like, tasting it, I feel like it would be, well, when, I have a feeling that I would get drunk and do shots of insulin, if I was diabetic. So, if it was, so, I remember, like, when we first started talking, like, I saw, like, I saw, like, all of these needles, and I'm like, oh, my God, I really know how to pick them, like, all these drug dealers and stuff, but then he was like, no, like, I'm like, oh, wait, he's diabetic, so it's fine, you know, it's okay, yeah, um, but I remember when, I don't know if he's really just addicted to heroin.
That would suck, but I don't think he is. And he tells you he's diabetic. Um, because I know he's diabetic. I have literally filled his cannula before, like his little cartridge.
Maybe you filled it with heroin. I did not. Maybe it was vodka. Nope.
Oh, that would be nice. But no. Um, but, and then when he first started, like, taking insulin and stuff when he was 13. Yeah.
He was like, like, you could, like, he said that he could, like, taste the insulin. Oh, when he gave it to himself. Yeah, but now he doesn't anymore. He's just used to it now.
Yeah, now he's used to it. Alright, would you rather be caught cheating or catch your spouse cheating? That's not just a question already. I'd rather catch my spouse cheating, because I wouldn't cheat, so...
Yeah, me too. It would suck, but I'd beat the bitch's ass. No, first, yeah, I'd beat the bitch's ass, make her unconscious. Why, it's not her fault.
She had to know. Maybe she didn't know. Maybe she didn't know. I'd still beat her ass regardless.
Wow, you guys never had sex at home, maybe she didn't know. I'd beat his ass. Maybe he said you were his sister. Then I'd beat his ass even harder.
I don't do cheating. You're gonna cheat on me, then you're dead to me after that. Would you rather let your significant other sleep with your best friend, or you sleep with your significant other's best friend? I'd feel like shit either way.
So, I'm gonna go with... Which one of those dudes is his best friend? The big guy that has a crush on you? No!
I think his best friend at the very moment is his friend David, he's in the military. That the guy that took you to a strip club? No, that's my friend. Oh, your friend David.
Yeah. So I'm going to say... It's the big dude. I don't think I'd ever be able to get over him sleeping with my best friend, but I know he wouldn't be able to get over me sleeping with his best friend.
So I'm just gonna drink because I don't have a good answer for that. I don't know who my wife's best friend is. I have no idea. Well, think about like her closest girlfriend.
I have no idea. Oh. Isn't that like something you should know? No?
I have no idea. Well, think of one then. Alright, last question. Last question.
Oh, I should ask you questions. You can ask, we're in an hour, we filled an hour. Oh! Congratulations, we filled an hour.
Wow, look at us! And we still have our favorite game show, How Drunk Is Danielle? How drunk is Danielle? Oh, yeah.
Would you rather let your spouse date your best friend or your archenemy? I would rather let them date my archenemy than mine. Yeah, me too. I mean, my best friend.
Hmm. I don't really have an archenemy. I used to have a couple, but I don't have one at the moment. Yeah, I feel like all of you guys like...
Oh, Sharon. Sharon from the city that won't approve our thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, best friend.
She's not dating my wife. Yeah. That's not worth it. She's not worth it.
I didn't know her name was Sharon. Of course her name is Sharon. Sharon. All right, we gotta find the button.
The button. We have another game to play. Take a big drink here real quick. Let's play How Drunk is Big D!
Yes, the new favorite game show of the Chet and Palmer, Chet and Palmer shit show. Chet and, or no, not Chet, Palmer and Big D. BD, BDP, BD, Shitshow, Podcast. All right, we have labeled it your little thing, and I've got to find the right way it goes on.
I'm kind of scared. Why are you scared? But this is only, what is it, like 5%, if that? Six.
I'm not worried. I can drink more if I want to. How does this not fit? Oh, there we go.
All right. All right, remember how it works? I don't remember how it works. Where's the button?
Oh, the button's at the end. You hit the button, it's going to come on, then you stick it in your mouth, and you've got to blow. So, you remember? Oh, yeah.
Till it beeps. All right, it's counting down quickly. Get ready, when it beeps, you put it in your mouth, you blow to the beeps again. Not yet!
Oh. Wait, okay. Oh, good in the microphone. All right, stop blowing.
11. We kept the book. I'm pretty sure that's over. Pretty sure it is too, it means I have to drive you home.
You don't have to drive me home. I have to drive you home, that's the deal we made. Nope, it's, it's, okay, it's gotta be because, um, I like just-- Oh, you just took a sip. I just took a sip.
But I had three, or I had two. 11, 10 to 12, same impairment, significant-- Oh, significant, yeah, it's good you just took a drink, you're supposed to wait 15 minutes. God damn it, I didn't know that. All right, ask me a couple questions, we'll do it again.
Okay. Um, questions for Palmer. Talk into the microphone. Um.
Blow on your vape. So, hmm, questions for Palmer. So, how does it feel to have your own cigar out? What, that kind of question?
What do you mean nothing? I talked about this on the other show. Oh, I forgot, you're on another show. I have two shows.
Well, what can I say? Like, hey. I thought you were going to ask me, uh, uh, uh, the whatever things. Would you, the, these, these things.
Oh, okay. Um, I want to look them up. That sounds so fun. I already printed all the good ones that were online.
All right, let's just wrap up the show. No. Yes, people are watching you text now. It's okay.
I'll find something right now. Here we go. Okay, Palmer. Would you rather have the ability to see 10 minutes into the future, or 150 years into the future?
10 minutes. I'd say 150. Why? You're never going to be there.
What if I am? You won't. It's 150 years. Exactly, but I can still know what it is until I die.
You can't change anything. I'd have 10 minutes. I'd like to know what's going to happen 10 minutes from now. And then when I get there, I do another 10 minutes.
So then you have the opportunity to change things or stop things from happening. I want to stop things from happening. Exactly, but I can do that within 150 years. No, you can't because you're not there.
Well, it's longer than 10 minutes. But you're not going to make it to 171 years old because you're 21 now. Well, what if I want to? But you're not going to.
You can want all you want. Well, what if I'm immortal like you? I'm not immortal. I'll be the first one to die around here.
Stop, don't say that. You can come to my funeral. Bring cupcake. Be like a party.
No, I'm not. You're not dying. No. Eventually.
No, I don't want to hear that, you're going to make me cry on air. Eventually, we all do. Nope, not you, not you. You know what, I read this the other day, it sort of stuck with me, and I mentioned to my wife the other night, you know what's the worst thing about losing a parent?
What? Knowing that one day, your kids are going to lose their parent, and you're not there to help them. Palmer, that is so sad. Isn't it?
That's very sad, I can't stop thinking about that. Stop thinking about it. Okay, that's all I needed, Daniel, let me just stop. You know what helps me, Palmer?
What? Drinks. That's what helps me. I'm going to have a tremendous amount of heartburn and acid reflux for the rest of the night.
Well, because, I mean, so don't get me wrong. And I have to save one of these for Stanford in the morning. A little side note. These are really good.
I think that it has, like, it definitely, like, at first I heavily tasted the cider, and sometimes cider could have, like, a really bad, like, aftertaste. Yes. But now, like, now that I'm drinking it more, I can taste, like, the lemon, the strawberry, you know. I think it's really good, though.
Because, like, the Mike's Harders and stuff, like, they taste, like, I don't know. They're a lot sweeter. I put away a six-pack of Mike's Lemonade Sundae cut in the grass. And they're just, eh.
They're very smooth and very sweet. But I don't know if I could drink a whole lot of these because of the carbonation. The carbonation's rough. It's almost like it's a seltzer.
Almost. Yeah. Yeah. I can agree with that.
I don't know. I mean, they're not bad. Oh, good. It's gluten-free.
Oh, good. I hate gluten. I don't even know what it is. Me either.
It just sounds bad. Would you rather lose your sight or your memories? Ooh, my sight. I'm going to say my memories.
Oh, fuck. How would you remember what you saw? That's true. Okay, not my memory.
Or my sight. Or no, my memory. What'd I say? I don't know.
You're drunk. Sight. I'm not drunk. 11.
Swim in a pool full of Nutella or a pool full of maple syrup. I'm going to say Nutella. Nutella seems like an easier cleanup. And I can eat Nutella.
That sounds good. Why can't you eat the maple syrup? I mean, I could, but I'd rather eat Nutella. Stay in during a snow day or build a fort.
I've been trapped during a snow day, so we'll go with that. Is it fun? No, you can't go anywhere. You're trapped.
It's like in quarantine, though. No, we were still, you can still go outside. Um, be an extra in an Oscar winning movie or lead in the box office bomb. I don't even know what that means.
Zero. No way. You've had two. Zero.
That's not accurate. It's got to be, I did it right. That thing is broken. It's not broken.
That is broken. You're drunk as a skunk and I'm sober as a judge. There's no way. All right, I'll do it one more time.
Do it one more time. There's no way. I gotta take a bigger deep breath, I almost passed out. You gotta blow for a long time.
That's a button. Palmer said you gotta blow for a long time. I make the buttons. Zero.
That is no way. I'm taking it again. There is no way. No way.
11. There's no way. No way. Your hands are very cold.
I know. Because I'm always cold. How do I even do this thing? Push the button and hold it in on the end.
Okay. I have to wait. There's no way. There's no way.
It's not true. I feel totally fine. Oh, I can tell. Thanks.
You're not drunk drunk, but. No. 9. So I'm, I'm one over, I'm.
No, no, 10 and up was over. Oh, okay, so I'm good. See, it was, it was just drinking. See, I've already gone down.
Yeah, but I'm zero. Which is, that thing is broken. There's no way. There's no way.
No way. That thing, you rigged that. I did not. You had to have rigged it.
I have one superpower. This is it. Well, I think that's a bunch of BS. Thank you to the people from Back, Track, and Go.
We appreciate you guys sending us this. We're having a lot of fun with it. Yeah. You said twice tonight because, even though you guys frame me, but it's fine.
All right, guys, we're going to wrap this up now because Danielle's obviously had too much to do. I have not. I'm fine. It's been episode 48 of the Danielle and Palmer Shit Show.
And Palmer Shit Show. So we'll talk to you guys next week. Maybe Chet will be back if he's in the mood or something. And if not, we'll do another Big D and Palmer Shit Show podcast.
Right, we'll have another topic. Bye. We've got to find the buttons. Chet & Palmer's Shit Show, its owners and sponsors, take no responsibility for the opinions or statements made by the talk show host or their guest.
Statements or show topics are not necessarily the beliefs of Mike & Mike Productions or the podcast providers and opinions between talk show hosts may differ. It is not our intention to lie bell, incite, or hurt anyone's feelings. We invite you to write the show's host, Mike Productions and opinions between talk show hosts may differ. It is not our intention to lie bell, incite, or hurt anyone's feelings.
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Show Notes
would you rather at the last minute.....Another Fitness Tip and Stan the Man