Chat & Palmer Shit Show 49 Cinco de Mayo, adjustable beds and Palmer is dying

Episode Summary

Episode 49 of "Chet & Palmer Shit Show" lands the night before Cinco de Mayo, with the hosts in sombreros and guest co-host "Boots" along for the ride. They open by noting that this is technically the one-year anniversary of the show — except a couple of missed weeks mean the real celebration gets pushed to episode 52 — and plug an upcoming appearance at the Cars That Care car show at Deltona City Hall, where admission is $5 or a box of diapers and baby wipes, plus a t-shirt slingshot and autograph photos.

The crew then unboxes a care package from Sugarlands Shine, revealing Appalachian Apple Pie moonshine, Mark and Digger's American Peach and Hazelnut Rum shine — all saved for a tasting on next week's episode, complete with a story about a previous apple pie moonshine night that ended with drunken macaroni and a missing husband. For Cinco de Mayo they crack Cayman Jack margaritas in watermelon, original and mango, including the tradition of pouring seven drops out for ancestors before toasting.

The "Dear Shit Show" segment tackles a letter from "Something's Up in New York," whose husband of 14 years is messaging, liking and deleting texts with a female friend who allegedly made a move on him — the guys debate whether new bedroom ideas are a red flag, and land on "deleting texts is always a no-no." The main topic is adjustable beds: all three hosts now own one (a Serta and two Sleep Numbers), and they walk through the eight claimed benefits — reduced back pain, easier breathing and snoring, versatile comfort, less heartburn, better digestion, fewer morning headaches and improved circulation — while venting about the real-world problems: brutal weight, split mattresses drifting apart, dogs turning the gap into a hammock, remote chaos, pillows disappearing, and the fact that sex on a split adjustable bed is a logistical nightmare. They rave about zero-gravity mode as the single best feature, and swap notes on cooling pillows, sleep apnea masks and PSI settings.

The back half turns to Jeep Beach in Daytona (duck-ing, stacked Jeeps and all-day beach drinking), a long riff on why nobody dares prank Palmer, office pranks on Greg involving a cat and crickets, and finally "Questions with Chet" plus a Cinco de Mayo speed round covering Mexican trivia, tequila brands, margaritas outselling Corona, and whether sombreros are actually offensive. Palmer spends the whole episode fighting a sinus infection and insisting he's dying.

In This Episode

1. 01
   One-Year Anniversary (Sort Of)
   The hosts realize episode 49 falls on the show's one-year mark but decide to save the celebration for episode 52 since they missed a few weeks.
2. 02
   Cars That Care Car Show & Show Business
   Announcements about appearing at the Deltona City Hall car show on May 14, sponsorship reads, and the t-shirt slingshot.
3. 03
   Sugarlands Shine Unboxing
   The crew unwraps Appalachian Apple Pie moonshine, Mark and Digger's American Peach and Hazelnut Rum, saving the tasting for next week.
4. 04
   Dear Shit Show: Something's Up in New York
   A listener asks whether her husband's deleted messages with a female friend and sudden new bedroom ideas are cause for concern.
5. 05
   Cinco de Mayo Drinking with Cayman Jack
   Watermelon, mango and original Cayman Jack margaritas, plus the tradition of pouring out seven drops for the ancestors.
6. 06
   Adjustable Beds: The Eight Benefits
   Back pain, sleep apnea and snoring, heartburn, digestion, headaches and circulation — the guys fact-check each claim against their own Serta and Sleep Number beds.
7. 07
   Adjustable Bed Problems Nobody Warns You About
   Split mattresses drifting apart, dogs sleeping in the hammock gap, heavy hydraulics, remote clutter and the challenge of sex on a split bed.
8. 08
   Jeep Beach, Pranks & the Cinco de Mayo Speed Round
   Jeep Beach recap, why nobody pranks Palmer, and a rapid-fire trivia round on Mexican beer, tequila brands, flags and food.

Transcript

You know what time it is... Seeking entertainment, didn't look no further, you reached the shit show with Chet and Palmer, special guest sag along for a pleasant surprise, with your host with the most from the sweet spot of life, grab a drink, settle in and enjoy the ride, audio entertainment, that's one of the kind, grab a drink, settle in and enjoy the ride, audio entertainment, that's one of the kind, say grab a drink, settle in and enjoy the ride, audio entertainment, that's one of the kind. Welcome to the Chet and Palmer Shitshow episode 49. What's Bootsy?

Technically tonight is the one year anniversary of the show. Already? Now apparently we have missed a couple of weeks, that's why we're not on 52. So I just found that out this afternoon, so we are not going to celebrate until we actually get to episode 52.

I agree. Right. That's how it should be. Three episodes away.

I'm still going to tell everybody I was on the one-year anniversary show. Absolutely. Boot, you need to move this way a little bit. You were technically on the one-year anniversary, but because we slacked a couple times.

Wow, Chet is so tall. I am quite svelte today. All right, today is May 4th, which makes tomorrow Cinco de Mayo. So as you notice my cohorts here are wearing their sombreros.

Underlay. So once we get the show started here, we're going to do some Cinco de Mayo stuff. We have Cinco de Mayo drinking. Yeah.

And then we have a regular topic for the audience and a Deer Shit Show tonight. We do have a Deer Shit Show. Yes, we have a Deer Shit Show. I was hoping you'd have one.

I like those. I love them. You too can be a part of our podcast family and invest in our show. Put your products in front of thousands of listeners and viewers every week.

We are heard on 13 different podcasts of Aris Weekly all around the world. All around the world. com. Please remember to rate, comment, subscribe, and check.

Man, make sure you grab a hold that bell and ding-a-ling-a-ling it, baby! I don't know if it's in Spanish. Me llamo bello ding-a-longo, ding-a-longo, ding-a-longo, mofungo el ding-a-lingo. Oh, I'm so hungry, mofungo.

I don't like mofungo. It sounds like it's something that I would not like. Oh, apparently Danielle is outside listening and she heard her say about the one-year thing. We're not celebrating it for two more episodes!

My lord. The girl's got her head pressed against the door out there. She's getting ready to kick the door in. She just texted me.

I'll be damned if you celebrate the one-year. I missed the one-year episode, frown face. Wow. Where's the key?

Hey, right out there, there's a show going on in here. Put your clothes on. So, on May 14th, we'll be pairing at the Cars That Care Car Show in Deltona from 4 to 7:30 at Deltona City Hall. Entry is just $5 or a box of diapers or and a box of diapers.

I don't remember exactly. And the box of baby wipes, too. Yes, or baby wipes. That'll work, too.

We have a t-shirt slingshot. We're going to be flinging t-shirts. Danielle's going to be half naked or naked signing autographs. She will sign anything for you.

Anything for you. Anything. But we're going to have some photos for her to sign if we can both agree on a photo. Yeah.

Her version and my version is not exactly the same. You know, you're a little more wholesome. You're a little more doubtful. Intro music by Sumo Bangor with Beats by Masky Beats.

We still don't know his concert is up in the air. It's TBA. TBA. COVID.

Due to COVID. To be determined. Tonight, we have an unboxing to do. To be determined.

The lovely people at Sugar Land Shine told us they would tend to something, and they did. So, we're not gonna drink it tonight, we're gonna save it for next week, because it's not Mexican, I'm assuming, but let's see what we got. Yes, hmm, what's in the magic bag of beerskis, or no, cervezas? Of beerskis.

It's cervezas. I like that, that's uh, uh, what's the name? Which one? Who says beerskis?

It's wrapped, it's wrapped really. That's a guy from in the army now. By all dumb. Who is that?

Pauly Shore. Pauly Shore. That's a Pauly Shore reference. Oh, hey, want some beerskis, buddy?

Yeah, it is, it is. How about you? It's the weasel. Poor guy made such a living off that.

And now he's like doing whatever he can to just make a comeback. His mom still owns the, uh, comedy factory. The Laugh Factory or whatever it's called? Laugh Factory.

Wrapped very nicely. Oh, wow. Alright, everybody close your eyes. Close your eyes, close your eyes.

They wanted that to be here. Drum roll. I think we're just as excited. All right, this one is Sugar Land Shine Appalachian Apple Pie Moonshine.

Oh my God, this is not a good one. This is the one that my wife does not let me drink. Oh, is this the Notorious? It wasn't their brand, it was some off-brand.

But it was still apple pie. It was still said flavor. Yeah. Boy, that turns you boys into non-existent.

Yeah. That makes you... But I was still coherent enough to flag for help. Throw chips all over the floor.

No, see, he always tries to say it was me. It was you. Just leave food everywhere. I don't think I was eating.

She said you were trying to cook sugar and macaroni and something else. Sugar? You burned it. Another like drunk macaroni.

I'm just going to put a little bit of butter in here. I'm just going to make some macaroni? And I got milk and I got... Boots, Boots, you know what I'm doing right now?

Some macaroni. Hey, hey, hey, hey, instead of putting milk in... I like how she called everybody looking for me and I was sleeping in my own bed. Let's put booze in it.

Doritos. Let's put booze in it. Yeah, that's it. Booze and Doritos.

Everything we like, we'll put in it. Oh, this one's clear. Yeah, I get a phone call. Where's my husband?

Oh, God. Mark Roger, American Peach Moonshine. Ooh, and it's clear. That's that White Lightning, ah, heee, that makes you, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, they scent all this.

Man, it's good to be the shit show. This is great. This is awesome. All right.

Me and Boots over here salivating. Listen, they have one that I had before. It's Chipper Jones, Moonshine. Well, the one we had on the show was some kind of creamy Christmas one.

Oh, yeah, that was good, too. They're all good. I don't know why we're even saying anything. Right.

They're all great. And if you guys are watching Sugar Land, please, Sugar Land Shine, please send more Chipper Jones. Yes. No, this is fine.

We don't ask you for more free stuff. I mean, we would never go out and bring a lemon, beg for more. Chipper Jones. I would never beg for more.

Maybe Big Puppy. More with you. Fancy cups. In spirit of Cinco de Mayo, can we get the Big Puppy one?

Ooh, I've never heard of this before. Mark and Digger's Hazelnut Rum. Oh, that, uh, you, that's not really Cinco de Mayo, you don't think? No.

Well, you don't think we can. They have other drinks for tonight. All right, I guess we'll wait. Wait!

So now we know that that's gonna be here the entire time, and we have to wait. I can't leave that here, so they'll get into it. Oh, so, but. Boots, is Boots on the next one?

No, he's not on the next one. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Sorry, man, we'll save you a taste. Cold-hearted, man.

All right, thank you to the people of Sugarland Shine Thanks for this lovely assortment of flavor. We'll be doing a tasting next week on next week's show. Yes, very kind, very kind. Perfecto.

Love it. Appreciate the support. Alright, Stan. Stan, where's the camera?

Stan, tell us what we're drinking tonight, Stan. Take it away. Alright, and we're back. Good job, Stan.

Thank you very much. I love Stan. Stan is the man. I thought the last one that I saw with the agent, I thought Stan was leaving.

Well, apparently he's looking for a better gig. Yeah, I know, I got nervous. I was like, man, we cannot lose Stan. He's a little unhappy with the contract, apparently.

Uh-oh. I think it's the blonde girl, as he calls her. The blonde girl. The little girl.

I don't know who that blonde girl is, so... I love the blonde girl. I don't know what's going on over here, but... No, no, don't do that!

Oh! There's cameras. Huh? There's cameras in the eyes.

You can take his eyes. No, last week, since Chet was not on the show, we blindfolded his bobblehead because he was not allowed to watch. I wasn't allowed to watch. And that's something.

So now I'm allowed to watch. Since I'm here? Right. All right, here we go.

Oh! Hi, Bobby! Hello, Chad, how are you? Please don't make him kiss.

Pretty good, I'm over here. Please don't do that. Make him kiss. No, no, do that.

I'll do that. Wait, wait, wait, wait! I'll do my own voice. I'll do my own voice.

Okay, okay. Hey, Palmer, what's up, buddy? Hey, Chad, I really missed you, Chad. Where were you at last week?

I'm missing you, that's where I was at. Oh, no, I was missing you. No, I was missing you. No, I was missing you.

Oh, he just broke the microphone over there. Jesus, God. You got so excited. Two guys kissing and he goes crazy.

Move a little more that way so they can be on the camera. Please, God, don't do it. What do, bro? I wish I could quit you, Chad.

No, I wish I could quit you. No, I wish I could go camping. Yes, we should go camping. Like fucking children with Barbies.

Oh my God. All right, dear shit show. I love you too, Palmer. But not enough to kiss your mouth.

No, we're not answering. That's how, that's how SARS happens. Dear shit show. All right.

Hold on. We'll be right back. All right, dear shit show. My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 14.

He has recently been hanging around a female friend who supposedly made a move on him while I was away. But he said he turned her down. Nay, nay. Nay, nay.

Mike Sends her private messages, looks her up on social media, and likes every photo she puts up. Most of them are sexy. Now he wants to try new things in the bedroom. Hey.

Should I be concerned? I have an uneasy feeling about this. When I told him I was going to confront her, he got upset with me. He has deleted messages because he said he didn't want me to get the wrong idea.

If I read them, I'm not sure how I should be feeling about this whole thing. Signed, something's up in New York. Mmm, something's up in New York. I love the sign.

Hey man. Something is definitely up in New York. Yeah. I mean, if he's getting, you know, if he's coming up with some new moves, maybe it just gave him a little spark.

Maybe. Maybe you rekindled something. Yeah. Maybe, you know, maybe she's got...

What's it saying? It doesn't matter where you go for your appetite, as long as you eat at home? That's right. I've never heard that.

As long as you're coming... All sorts of these wisdom things, I will... Sure. He's very wisdom.

He's very wisdom-atic. A Johnny Carson thing? No, my father. He's very wisdom-atic.

I get a Confucius say, no matter where you go for appetite, don't you come home for dinner. You have dinner at home. I, uh, well, I mean, you know, the deleting the messages, I could see where that could get crazy, but I also see his point. Maybe they're like, haha, goofy, goofy, but thinking, oh man, she's going to take haha, goofy.

Yeah, you could take it the wrong way, you know, because all it needs is like minus an apostrophe or a couple exclamation marks. And all of a sudden, it's a whole different conversation. Out of context. So, and it's hard to get emotion in a text, you know, so you can't, you know.

Maybe they were talking about different things to do in bed and she gave him some ideas. Yeah, maybe. Maybe it was, "Hey, me and my wife are not having really good sex lately. " Well, we don't know.

We're assuming. He deletes messages from this other woman. And what's the difference? Do you not listen to the show?

You can't ask another girl that. What's the difference in asking another girl? You can't ask another girl. You can't see him past...

What do you say? What's the difference in asking another person or like a therapist or something? Okay, okay, so like, I could, if we had a conversation, it'd be okay, right, 'cause we're guys, we're friends. Sure.

We can talk about that. So you can't have a friend that's a female? No, no, you can. I didn't say that.

Well, that's kind of what you're talking about. But I feel like if you're like, if you're a female, I'll be like, hey man, or hey girl, what should I do? You do that pretty good. Hey girl.

What should I do to my wife? Hey girl. Well, no, I doubt it comes out like, hey, what should I do to my wife? They're my wife, but listen, man, you know, me and my girl, you know, we did, what do you think about that?

And she's like, you don't do that, you do this. You should do the Upside Down Unicorn. Right. Like, nah, I don't think...

You don't roll the tongue, you twist the tongue. Yeah, maybe she said, I like the Up Down Unicorn. He went, oh, let me look at that. Yeah, let me look it up, check it out.

And then, boom, he's like, you know what, bro? I don't know what it is, I'd have to look that up. He's like, I'm bringing the Upside Down Unicorn. Yeah, I'm bringing the Unicorn.

I don't know, whatever you guys say. 9% of women in the world would be like, you talking to who about what? Right, right. First of all, I mean, I don't think anyone's on that issue.

We got to start drinking before we did the... Okay, we'll go to the drinking. That's okay. We're in this.

We're trying to help people. We'll help this. Trying to save relationships. I think it's not a big deal.

I don't think it's a big deal, but if he's deleting the text messages, you know... Well, deleting is bad. Yeah, it's always bad. You're almost better off just like, look, man, read it.

All right, we were talking about We were talking about this. We were talking about that. And I figured you would read it odd. She gave me the idea for the up-down unicorn that you liked so much.

Right. You know, cause she could have been like, hey, oh my God, you know, you look great today. But the wife reads that as, oh yeah, you look so goddamn great today. I can't wait to, Jesus, when your wife's not paying attention.

But you know, that's how she's reading into it. So I get why I did it, but you know, it's always a no-no. It's always a no-no. Cause you always get caught when you delete the text.

A marriage is a lot of work. That's a lot of work. It's very much work. It's very much work.

It's easy when you're friends. It's definitely easier. Well, there's no commitment. But there's definitely...

There's still be commitment when you're friends. But there's not like a real commitment. Well, not a legal commitment. Well, man, that was a big thing.

Well, I think... You and I both know. I think, like, there's a lot of people in marriages... I'm more paperwork involved.

There's a lot of people in marriages that aren't friends. Right. Like, it's just a marriage, and the man is the man, and he does his thing, He does his thing, and the wife is the wife, and she does his thing. You know, some of us actually enjoy being with our wives.

Right. Like, you know, I mean, we have our dude time sometimes, but 90% of the time, I mean, if the chicks can't go, then... Well, no disrespect to you guys, but... Well, I mean, I don't think either one of you guys are doing the things my wife's doing.

He doesn't go out with his wife at all. No. Well, because she don't want to. And 90% of the time, my wife doesn't want to go.

She's tired from all the sex. She's home resting. It's like, I can't go dance. How can I dance?

My knees hurt. All right, so that's the answer. We think there could be something rotten in New York. Yeah.

There's something, but... You know what? Do the upside-down unicorn. Yeah.

Get the man a break. Maybe she got an idea from her. Sure. You got a suck and blow, fella.

But you know what? When he ain't paying attention, call that broad. You can call her up. Yeah, I would make myself known.

Right. Make yourself known. " That's my dick. dick.

Call him and tell him it's your dick. Then if he gets mad about it, it's your dick. You call that bitch. It's my dick.

You stay away from it. We were just part of a divorce. We need to drink because I'm sweating and I sound nasally because I'm fighting a cold. You sound like you're losing.

Yeah, I think I am. He comes in and he comes out of there and he's getting the mics ready and I'm like, I got cold. " No! No!

I feel fine! I think we went to urgent care today, she has a sinus infection, and she gave me this, so I would assume I have a sinus infection. You guys shouldn't be poking each other in the nostrils. We weren't poking each other.

No, she'll cough in bed, with like the covers full up around her neck. I'm dying. Like you just shot me in the face with your germs. I'm sorry.

Oh my God, you just money shot at me right in the face. You are a foot and a half away. Now I'm sick. Oh, you'll be, you'll be fine.

The drive by snotting. Right, and she'll roll over and sneeze straight up. I'm like, there it goes. And blew it right back down.

Oh, because what goes up must come down. I had a mask in a nightstand from COVID time. So I put the mask on, you know, and she turns over and says, what are you doing? I go, you're already going to kill me.

I'm not going to get you. Right. She goes, well, I should probably wear it. I go, here you go.

Put that thing on. Oh my God. You made her wear it while she was sleeping? Yes.

Ugh. I fell asleep at last. Actually, when she closed her eyes, he put his hand right over her face. I wrapped her head in self.

All of a sudden, she's like... Oh, oh, oh! Oh, sorry! Oh, you had a bad dream.

You okay? You alright, honey? What's going on? You okay over there?

I mean, we're in separate beds now, but we'll get to that later. All right, I have a new thing for you to read for tonight, okay? Not the... Well, yes, but it's in Spanish.

Ah, I love it! I can't wait for this one. Uh, whoa, this whole thing? No, the bottom half's in English, you'll do that after because that's why we're celebrating.

Okay. All right, you ready? I'm ready. You can just get started, there is no up and down.

There's no queue. So we'll start over, no yeah, there's no queue. Okay, okay, okay. It's just, it's very hard to find free Fiesta music that works well for us.

Muerda, show horror feliz! Aguera tu servida, pide tu medida, februita, y peprorate, para volverte loco aquí! Can we do it one more time? Just go deeper.

All right, all right. We can do this. Like on Telemundo. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. I've started off music. It's only 30 seconds worth of music. All right.

Deeper. Muerda, Shohoravaliz, Alguera, Tu Suberdo, Pide tu medida, Ferroita, y Preparate, para Volverte Logo, Gui! Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay! Shit Show Happy Hour is brought to you by American Property, Mexican Property Solutions.

So solution, boo! 386-837-9245. You know how many people are gonna call and message and be like, yo, he screwed that up so bad. You guys are in so much trouble with Itzy.

Oh, that's right, we should have had Itzy done. Yeah! She could have like, oh man. Great, now she's gonna be like, really, Puerto Rita da?

Puerto Rita da? It's Puerto Rita da da! It's gonna roll her tongue. And I can't roll, all I can do is go...

Alright, we're doing Cayman Jack margaritas tonight, gentlemen. Proudly crafted Cayman Jack made with watermelon juices and agave nectar. Nectar, so here is a watermelon, we have three flavors. I brought my, uh, my heartburn medicine.

Nice! What's the, uh, calories and the, uh, curbs on these beer? Okay, well, we'll just, uh, eh, you know what, it's one night, what the hell. Are we, uh, cracking and, uh, so...

Oh, it's agave. It's agave. So my toast tonight is very, uh... Are we just drinking a stand out of the can?

Cinco de Mayo tradition, it's like, apparently it's like a tradition. So don't pour it in the cup, you're gonna drink it out of the can, but you got the cup because you gotta pour seven drops out. So. For the Ancestoreros.

Yeah, Cerveza, Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro, Cinco, Se, Siete Dropos. Siete Dropos. Siete Dropos. Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro, Cinco, Se, Siete.

Are we talking about girls or guys? 'Cause remember, it's gotta be feminine. Siete, um. Anyway.

Something like that. Ancestors. So, this toast is to the last drops of our drink to those we want to honor. Arriba!

Arriba! Arriba! Arriba in the toast means raise your glass. So raise your glass.

And then you got to drop, you got to drip. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah, I poured some. All right.

And then, you know what? I love those that we honor, but I'm not wasting this. I want to see. Oh, look at you.

Your ancestors just, now they will attack you at night. Oh, this is great. Okay. First off, I've never had a watermelon margarita.

Me either. This is delicious. This is good. Yeah, this is how they normally taste.

I think we should do these all the time. Cayman Jack, if you would like to contact us regarding sponsorship, we love this stuff. Love it. This is delicious.

The other flavors we have this evening are. Holy cow, is that delicious. We have original margarita, and mango margarita. Ooh, I like mango.

Stan kept the strawberry. Do we have to give the dead people more of those ones? Nah, I think we did enough drinks. Where'd Stan find this stuff at?

These are from the lovely people at Publix. Publix, you sound hideous, but thank you. i hate that that stupid ever since they changed the jake from state farm guy i hate it dude yeah it's just not that funny you know i like the guy well well jake with with khaki pants you sound hideous that was funny all right moving on all right uh tonight we're talking about adjustable beds over the last couple months all three of us have one way or another acquired an adjustable bed and you know what Palmer's got something to get off his chest. Why do I get off my chest?

You don't like your button. What? I thought you didn't like your button. Oh, I'm getting used to it now.

It's a matter of getting used to. It does take a lot to get used to. Yes, we have three. Okay, mine's a Serta separate.

Yours is a number sleeper with the bottom connected. Sleep number with the bottom connected, but the separate tops. He's got a slip on the top. And you're a number...

Sleep number is separate. Separate. Did you just get the separate sleep number? No, no, no, it's a king-size bed, but it's two...

Right, but did you used to have the one where the bottom was connected? I thought you just got a new one, too. No, I've had this one. You've always had a separate one, didn't you?

I want to get the one like you have. Yeah, see, I'll be honest with you, as much rolling around as we do, I don't think the half, the two separate pieces... That's the problem, dude, when you're having sex in the fucking bed, it's fucking hard. The bed goes like this.

Yeah. You go right in the middle. All right. What is an adjustable bed exactly?

Adjustable beds allow you to raise and lower the top and bottom of your bed to various levels. You can create the exact position for your most comfortable sleep without spending 15 minutes arranging a pile of pillows. Let's take a look at eight reasons why you may want to start shopping for an adjustable bed right now. Let's look at it.

Do it. Do it. You go ahead and start. I'm the newest adjustable bed guy, so we'll tell you if these are true.

So, it will reduce back pain. Absolutely. One of the most commonly appreciated health benefits of adjustable beds is reducing back pain. If your spine is not properly aligned at night, there is too much pressure on one part of your body.

You'll have to wake up with lower back pain. You can sleep on your side with a pillow between your legs, I don't do it with the bed. I'm having a hard time finding, I think I've got it now, where the back is up some, but not much, but the feet down. Yes, yeah.

That seems to be the worst, because I roll over on my side, and when I tried to do the no snore, not all the way up no snore, but a little higher level, I wake up, my hips hurt and my neck hurts because I'm sleeping on my side, you know, basically like this. Right, right. So, the thing is, if you sleep with the head up just a little bit, you're not technically supposed to use a pillow. You're supposed to just use the mattress.

Right. That's the whole point of that, is to get your head up. So, I tried it the other night. Right.

I did it all night, I couldn't do it, I couldn't, I kept waking up, I couldn't, so the next night, so I'm flat when I'm sleeping, but with a pillow. I used to use two pillows on the regular bed, so I kind of got used to that, but now the one pillow slides off the back and disappears underneath. Really? So I wake up with the one pillow.

Yeah, because it slides out from under it. Right. Yeah. Yeah, because you can't, you can't fill that space when it's up, there's a big gap there.

I have like a, a flat cooling gel pillow, because it gets so hot at nighttime. Yeah, see, he's got, he's got. I've got additionals to his bed that I'm wanting to get. Well, Adrian has the cooling pillow too, but I have the one, I think I mentioned this before, from the guy that's not allowed to be on social media anymore, the MyPillow.

Oh, MyPillow. I love that thing, I don't know what type. See, we've bought $80 cooling pillows, they work for like a day. Well, I have one, and then they don't work for $300.

Oh, okay, well that's probably the problem. I think you guys should get it, is the, I have the AC and the heat on mine. That was the next level up, and we'd already spent too much money, so I was looking on Amazon the other day, and they have some on Amazon that are cheaper, like sleep-numbered ones are like 500 bucks each, but the ones on Amazon I saw were like 200. Oh.

Can you make payments on them? I'm sure. Put on a credit card. Well, credit cards are massive right now, but you know what I mean.

Sleep number, same thing, they have an account. That'd be like, if I got that for Becky, if I was able to get that for Mother's Day. Mother's Day. Dude, that bed will get tore up.

Look 'em up. And it's on Amazon? Yes. Okay, all right.

All right, number two, breathe easier. A lot of people with sleep apnea or breathing issues have doctors who recommend they sleep with their heads elevated, but stacking four pillows while the rest of your body remains flat presents its own problems. Very true. Serious discomfort.

One of the key benefits of an adjustable bed is that you can easily elevate the top of your body to a position where you can still sleep comfortably while you open your airway. Yeah. I do snore less, Adrian says. I have sleep apnea.

Oh, well. I do. I think we probably all do. Yeah, I'm sure, I mean.

Some of us are just afraid to admit it and put the mask on. 90% of America probably has it. Right. Well, I can't, my nasal cavity is too small or something.

I've tried the mask and it forces too much air and gives me terrible headaches. You're like my pops. My pops has to have his nose broke for him to open up that airway. Yeah.

That's what they want to do with me. Yeah. Because I broke my nose and my cheekbones and they were like, well, we can open that up. I'm like, nope, I breathe just fine, you ain't re-breaking shit.

I'm fine, thank you. I have black eyes for freaking three months, no. But I tell you what, the snore button, I don't think mine works, because Becky, I must have been snoring one night, and I woke up, and I was straight up. Yeah, the snore thing is not comfortable.

And I was like, oh, God, my neck, I'm like, what the hell? And I look at her, and she's like, you were snoring so damn much. I kept hitting the snore button, and it kept going, and you kept snoring, to the point you were sitting straight up, but you stopped. I said, yeah, because my airway was blocked from my neck.

It was completely blocked. There was no air going in at all. I was so sore. I was actually suffocating.

Oh my God. I was like, what the hell, man? What did you do? No, no, you can't drink that.

It's like you're snoring. That's for the senoritas or the- Oh, see, I wanted, I wanted them, I wanted their souls inside me. I'm using the cup now. I wanted their, I wanted them in me.

That didn't sound good, but you know what I mean. All right, enjoy versatile comfort. So I have went down to 35 PSI. I have went up to 100 PSI.

Oh, because you guys are sleep number. Yeah. I have, and I found my sweet spot, 65 is my sweet spot. Yeah, it's mine, 65, 70.

Yep, sweet spot. So what is this now, it inflates the bed to a certain level? No, it's literally, it's air-chambered, yeah, so you feel it, man, it goes, and it's like a real, it's like a, but it goes, and I, so I lowered it, I lowered it all the way, tried sleeping one day, woke up sore shit, because, you know, I was like sleeping in a waterbed, that's why I can't sleep in waterbeds, but the, so I realized, okay, there's a part in my back, like, like kind of my upper middle back, like that, muscle there if i lower it enough to where i don't feel that muscle anymore i sleep like a baby and that was 65 so there's a science to it i mean these beds are this is the greatest thing to ever walk into my life or fall into my life i told you guys oh thankfully palmer passed and i did not Yeah, I'm not sleeping on a dead man's bed. Hey, listen, the dreams are wild.

Are you a picky sleeper? Well, your partner can fall asleep in a lumpy armchair if they had to. You're living out the princess in the pee every night. Sounds like the benefits of an adjustable bed are right up your alley.

The ability to adjust yourself, the ideal position, means you can always find a cozy orientation. Now, I have to have them flat when we get up in the morning. I have... Yeah, me too.

Apparently I have issues. Did Palmer tell you this? No, yeah, no. If I had the same issue, he has like...

See, I'm like the guy that parks the car on an angle to show it off. I show the bed off, so I raise the feet, and I raise the head on both sides. So it's perfect. When you get out of it?

Yeah. Yeah. You know how much easier it is to make the bed with those up? There's a button on the very bottom of the boat.

Oh, that's awesome. Oh, yeah, and it's easy to do with it up. It is so easy. So you make the bed, and then you push it down.

I make the bed, and then I lower it down, and the sheets are like ping. Right. I have to walk on both sides of the bed, hit that button, get the bed. Oh, man.

Like landing gear. I got to put the landing gear completely flat. I wish it was a little quicker, though, so I could be like. Well, we tried doing a video for the show where we were going to be spaceman astronauts and blast off.

I think that bed's too fucking slow. You'd have to speed the video up. It'd be like, all right, Captain Palmer, I'm now ready for takeoff. And then, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, lay down flat and you couldn't sit up you can oh yeah that's like that chair it's like a lazy boy yeah yeah that's true but i still i mean it is lower to the ground because with our um we had that tommy tommy bahama bed right and the thing was like that man you had to climb into this thing i just i spin my legs out we had a foam top right foam top that was that thick we forgot was on it yeah i think we were up to like three of those things stacked and then you forget you have them on there but this one i just swing my legs out boom and i sit there it's perfect perfect height mine even has lights under it yep like leds so you can light up if you want to get up in the middle of the night yes oh you have to know where that button is on the remote or you'll hit it next thing you know your feet are going up you yeah i don't have i get the little subtle blue glow yeah yours has it it does is it on the box it's on the remote really well the remote has a light I turned that on like a flashlight.

And it's on your app. Really? Why don't you tell some shit? I'm going to have to look that up.

Under bed lighting. Mine says picture of a light bulb. Well, there you go. Becky, when you watch this, remind me to look for the button to find the lights.

Does it have strobe motion? No. Like when you want to be like... I might have to run some LEDs under it anyway just to control it.

It's Disco Time, Baby. There you go. " Oh, great. That means sex time.

That means sex time. The hat's on the doorknob. The hat's on the door. I got the sock on the door.

Mommy! Daddy! Why is there sock on the door? Get away!

What are you doing in there? What are you doing in there? We gave you plenty of macaroni and cheese. Yeah.

Put some whiskey in it. Get rid of heartburn. You know, you should stop eating pepperoni out of the package right before bed. But you love a salty snack to end your day.

It's a shame your body punishes you every time you lay down and go to sleep, just enjoying a pack of pretzels or some chips and salsa. With adjustable beds, you may be able to say goodbye to at least some of your nightly heartburn. I have found that. Yes, it does.

You know what else? I have more heartburn. I bring the back up more. Is watching what you eat.

Yeah. I have not had heartburn since. She has instilled the eating proper thing in my brain. Now, I haven't worked out.

I'll admit, I haven't worked out much in the last week and a half or so. And a half or so because I've had a lot going on but I'm still sticking to my diet like hearty. I'm telling you no no heartburn. My bathroom breaks are still quality.

Just saying that helps too, but the bed does help. I would think so because obviously you can raise yourself up a little bit. So to keep you off kilter instead of laying flat and all that acid and shit come up. Yeah, yeah, right.

You know, so well, go ahead, you might touch on it. So I don't want I don't want to bring it up, but have you, have you ever hit zero G yet? Yes. Oh, man, Ted talks about this all the time.

Dude, let me tell you, these beds have, have a zero G mode, it's like you're laying in a, in a nothing, you're like, yeah, you're like in air, like an air chamber, or one of them water chambers where you see those people just floating, you feel nothing, and it's crazy, because, you know, you feel it going up, and you're like, oh, my back's a little bit, but then the feet go up, and you're like, oh, my back's a little bit, but then the feet go up, and you're like, oh, my back's a little bit. You're like, okay, and you know when you hit it. It's like heaven, man. There's not a pressure point.

There's not a nerve being hit, nothing. That, to me, is worth the weight in gold of these beds. It is amazing. So get one and hit zero G.

You guys need another one? I can do another one. Are you empty, Booty? I'm not empty yet, but I'll take it.

This is absolutely good. Let's do traditional. Oh, that's mango. Oh, God, I'm going to eat this one.

Yeah. I'm not a huge, huge traditional fan anyway of margaritas. I got to have a strawberry or a mango or something, but I would have never thought about watermelon though. That's delicious.

Improved digestion. Another benefit of sleeping at an angle courtesy adjustable bed is improved digestion. Even if you stop eating several hours before bed, your body's still at work processing that order of fries as you drift into dreamland. Dreamland, keeping your stomach above your intestines, help your digestive tract run smoothly, laying flat, can interrupt the regular digestion cycle.

Do these people think we're all like just Neanderthals eating bags of frippin' pepperoni and fries and everything just before bed? Statistics, man, people eat better and then you won't have these issues. All right, eliminate morning headaches. Do you wake up with a headache every day or are you just getting tired of it?

where there's a lot of causes, from dust mite allergies to teeth grinding. The cold could also be a strained neck. Lots of sodium. That's for you, Amanda.

That's what Chet's doing in the call-out. Changing ways, an adjustable bed frame. Hey, maybe she can come over to your house and use your bed and do a video from your bed. Yeah, let's do that.

Shouldn't do that from your bed. I meant his bed, his bed. Not my bed. Becky comes home.

Oh, hey, we're just shooting. Shooting a video here. Shooting a video, just a video shot. Shooting a video.

On the news, two people found dead in a sleep number. Your head won't be too far back. Slightly lifted on top of your bed frame at least some of the pressure in your neck. Your head won't be too far like it's on a flat pillow, blah, blah, blah, blah.

My chairs, man. These are delicious, man. We can stop the show right now and just keep drinking these things. I haven't tried this one yet.

I still got watermelon. There we go. Alright, the last one's better circulation. It's cause you get your feet up, your feet don't get numb, blood runs out.

These people are really boring me. They avoid bad circulation, raising the bottom half of your adjustable bed will send the blood work, blah, blah, blah, blah. We need to get Palmer to go out with us. Alright, listen, if we could just get you to go out with us.

One time, baby. You guys are fine. The boys are back. No, we, listen, we shake it.

Oh, yeah. We shake it. My shaker broke it. Just wait till we start doing the wedding stuff.

Oh, it's off the hook. Palmer's Evolve? I don't understand. I'm older than I am.

You are not as old as you think. I'm barely older. I'm 10 years older than you. You are far more spry than most young people.

You know what the worst part is? I can't do my Zika Facebook post because of COVID. If I put up on Facebook I'm sick and I've got Zika, people go, COVID. Right.

So I can't do my Zika jokes anymore. Well, you're sitting here, the rep. Oh, yeah. The guy cleaning the lights.

You cough, and he's like, oh, COVID. Like, oh, my God, you can't even cough. You can't have a runny nose. I was like, hey, maybe allergies?

Before I went to the grocery store yesterday, I blew my nose really hard in the car before I got out of it. If someone says that to you, like, oh, man, he's got COVID, I know it's actually, it's AIDS. Nobody gets AIDS. Wow.

Yeah. You know, that's what's sad. I think we beat AIDS. AIDS is like nothing compared to COVID.

Well, that's because Magic Johnson beat it. I bet if you asked Americans right now what's the most feared virus, they would say COVID. Florida Hospital, the guy from, what is it, I can't remember his name. Allergies.

At the play, I sat next to a guy from the school board whose day job is he works for a Florida hospital, he said in the last couple of weeks, we've had one or no COVID cases in. Right. He doesn't exist in Florida anymore. The governor said so.

You might get it and you might catch it, but it's probably just a cold at this point. Just deal with it, man. It's a cold. I do.

I do. Every time the government gives out the free test, I go online and I order them. So I have 12. Now I have 10.

I used to. I think we got like four. I think we got like four. Squirt all these things away for when the zombies come, I'm gonna test you fuckers at the door.

Nope, sorry, you're done. You didn't pass. Wait outside for three to five minutes, please. Can you just test certain people when they come here and tell them they can't come in?

Oh, that'd be great. Actually, it's positive. See you later. Can I see it?

No. It looks like a pregnancy test. You wait on the two lines to show up on the thing. Oh, or fuck.

When I had to test Adrian for school, 'cause when she was sick, I took an angle. Honey, good news, you're not pregnant, or you don't have COVID. I'm not exactly sure how this thing works. Oh my God, this actually wasn't a COVID test.

Yeah, the print is so small, I'm not exactly sure. Holy shit, we swabbed your nose, what'd you? Pee on this stick here. Pee on this stick.

Pee on this stick, it goes on my nose. I wasn't going left field. Boop, boop, up at the vagina. Now the problems, now the problems with these beds.

We all have personal problems with these beds. They're heavier than shit. They're heavier than shit, that's true. Now, part of my delivery was set up.

I didn't care what it cost, but I was done bringing that thing in. Let the two lovely Hispanic gentlemen who were celebrating Cinco de Mayo bring it in and set it up for making it nice to them. I was lucky, I sort of had a delivery person, or help me, anyway, break it down. But I carried, me and Becky carried that thing into the house in separate pieces.

So what's the heavy part, the base? I mean, the mattress, obviously, is not heavy. I would say the mattress is probably the heaviest part. Well, it's all connected.

Well, I didn't want to tear. Oh, mine came in pieces. Yeah, see, we took the mattress apart. Oh, because your mattress is too.

So, yeah, mine's like two twin beds. Yeah, see, ours is like a U-shape, and it's got these fat magnets. Yeah. They go inside the mattress underneath everything, and then when you lay it on the frame, they, and I mean, they stick.

Like, you have to, there's a whole process to get the magnets apart. Oh, right. I didn't watch them put it together. So we separated, but we didn't want to pull the mattress apart because all the air chambers are in there.

And technically, you could pull the foam out and everything and just have a sheet, essentially. Right. But we didn't want to mess with that, so we left the mattress together and then we separated the two frame parts. Yeah, beds.

And let me tell you, man, the pneumatics or whatever, the big shock hydraulic thing. Right. Wow. Those things are heavy.

That's what I figured was heavy. Heavy. Yeah. It was, man.

Now, there is no more cuddling in the bed. You're setting, well in my house, my setting is different than my wife's setting, so if I like to stick my hand over, I'm like punching the side of the bed maybe or something, and now the dogs have found out, so we're doing two separate comforters and then one big one over the whole thing, the dogs have found out that if they scooch and separate the mattresses, there's a hammock, a big long hammock in the middle there, so they're just laying there with their head on the mattress, yeah, they think they love the bed now, they love it, but it pushes the beds apart, And it goes up against the nightstand on the other side, and I fear if it wasn't for the nightstand, we might end up in the floor, you know, the whole mattress would droop. Do you have a bed frame still? Yeah, but it's the mattress.

Does yours fit inside the bed frame? Yes. We had to take the slats out. Right, me too.

But my side edges are like right where the mattress is. Well, I have a mattress and a box spring, and then the flat part, or then the other thing, the base. So my mattress is above the bed frame. Like it would be on a normal bed.

So in the morning, you know, I got to slide them back together. Yeah, see, that would get, I would get irritated with that. I'd have to. Well, the hammock thing.

Can you take a bungee cord and maybe bungee the two sides together? Well, I was thinking that, but you'd have to do it in the middle because if I put my feet up, her feet are up. Well, what if you bungee, did it underneath the mattress? Like somehow.

Oh, I figured more like a packing strap or something. Yeah, anything. So, I mean, does it have like handle straps or anything? I don't think so.

Anywhere? I don't know. Maybe there's somewhere where you could do a bungee hook underneath all the way to yours. Maybe it'd be just enough to kind of...

Well, the dogs would be nice and cozy. Yeah. Now, I've realized that if I want the dogs off, I raise the feet up. They lose their mind.

Oh, ours love it. Oh, man, no. At first, they barked at the noise. No, ours goes nuts.

But now, the second biggest dog, he'll stand on it and ride it. He thinks it's a ride like a good universal. Woo-hoo! Did you go on the sleep-by-number bed place?

No, we went in a CERTA place. You need to just walk in there. I don't want to find out I like it better. I can't send mine back.

You can't send it back? No, I can't send it back. It's been too long. Plus, they took my other bed with them.

Sure. Sometimes they have a 90-day ride period. I don't know. We like the bed.

We've gotten used to it now. But you can cuddle, though. Like, so the way, like, me and Tia do it is we put pillows on the crack. Yeah.

And then because the pillows on the crack, it kind of creates a bridge. Right. So then you could do that, and then just kind of lay like half on the bridge each. But what if she likes her head up further than you do, or her feet up further than you?

Well, you guys got to compensate. Yeah. He'd be like, I'll come to you, baby. I'll come to you.

I mean, what do you want, fella? Now, the cool thing about our half crack is that, excuse me, it acts like a storage unit for all the remotes. Oh, yep. Now I got a remote for the bed, remote for the TV, remote for the Roku, or the Amazon TV, or whatever the thing is, and then, you know, various remotes, so they all just fit in there.

They have a little thing that sits on the end of the bed. Like a little cubby thing? Yeah. Oh, Boots has all the cool toys.

I don't have it, but I want it because the most fucking annoying thing that happens to me is I'll raise the bed up to watch TV, and my bed stand's all the fucking back here. Now I got to like twist and turn and shit Like what the fuck These are serious issues That we got to work on This is the stuff that we go through We have yet to try the sex in the bed yet though So I don't know Well we're shower people He's only having it for like two days No we're shower people normally So we don't I got a small shower I purposely like housing with big showers Got to be a bigger shower If we're looking at houses we both have to go stand in the shower It's all about the lubrication baby Is this going to work? It's all about lubrication. It's all about lubrication.

It's great, because you can have lubrication, and you can have cleanliness. That's right, y'all cleaned up, but it's all over. Yeah, all the same thing. I will tell you this, the one thing we do miss about our shower that I didn't put in was the Doomy Stole.

The bench. The Doomy Bench. We have a bamboo bench in ours. Bro.

Oh, you know what, you're right, you told me about that. Yeah, we just had to buy a new one. But it needs to be secured, though. It can, it can't have a wobble to it.

It moves. What if you put in grab handles? Those handicap handles. No, I'm not putting handicap handles.

No, no, they have the suction cup ones. Oh, yeah, right. They even have like a suction cup little foot stop, which they say is so the lady can shave her legs. Just tell her to put her hands on the fucking toilet tank.

I'm just gonna build one and I'm just gonna do the tile around it and then just kind of slide it in there. Make it like a workout session. Tom's gotta, Tom's gotta come back over and tie it up. Yep, yep.

Need his help again. He's gotta tie the fuck bench. Tom, I fucked it up again. I need you to come over, buddy.

Tie the fuck bench, Tom. Chad, just let me, let me send my boy over. No, I got this. Bro, just move, bro.

Go to Walmart. Let me send my boy. No, I got this. Hey, can you send your bro over?

I don't have this. Go to Walmart, get a $10 plastic chair that goes outside and put it in the fucking shower, fella. Oh, those break. Whoop-dee-doo, buy another one.

Nah, that should be broke the first go around. You need to stop jackhammering this girl, bro. No. Jesus, girl.

You've been married a long time, man. Give her a little break. I'm gonna fucking pile drive you in this bitch. Peggy's at home watching this like, oh, yeah, like we couldn't use one of those, really.

I think it would be just fine there, Stallion. She's probably at fucking Walmart right now, man. She's shopping on Amazon right now. Look, everyone.

I go home, there's a bench, a bamboo stool, and an outside chair. And a jump rope. And a jump rope. Holy shit.

Hey, listen, man. We gotta get this in for the night. Fine, fine, fine. Oh, you're right.

I should drink more. That would give me more liquid courage. Pull your pants down. Palmer's hard.

Oh, my God. There you go, baby. There you go. Oh, my God.

God, that poor girl. Poor, man. She just can't get enough. Mm-mm-mm.

I'm trying to find... So, as you know, I went to Jeep Beach over the weekend. Oh, that's right. Talking about Jeep Beach, but I tried to find the questions.

Jeep Beach was off the chain. Was it like spring break? Dude, there's nothing compared to it. Spring break for dad bod Jeep people.

Yeah. You can't compare it. You can't compare bike week. You can't compare anything to it.

Dude, this thing is massive amounts of Jeeps everywhere. I'm going with you next year. People hanging off the Jeeps, people in the Jeeps, and then, of course, we got our crew that we roll with. We got all our Jeeps stacked on each other, and we're all just sitting there and people stopping.

You know, it's a silly thing that people do. They duck you. It's like you've been ducked, so you're constantly getting ducks thrown at you, and people are stopping taking photos of your Jeeps. The Jeep and everything.

And it's just wild. This year, all we did, stacked the Jeeps, put up the Easy-Ups, and we sat on the beach all day drinking. All day. I'm coming next year.

And then all of a sudden, the music starts. And then the he-he-he's start. Can I bring a UTV? And then before you know it, it's off the hook.

Can you bring the UTV? Like, can I bring my UTV on there? You can bring whatever you want. There's VW bugs there.

You got a UTI problem, right? UTV. What's it? Oh, no.

I don't think anybody knows on there. Well, I brought it on the beach before. You could trailer it there. I mean, there was golf carts on there, so I don't see why.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I just trailer there and then ride that around. That's a good question. I'm down.

I'm going. I want to go. You'd have a blast, dude. It was so much fun.

And then we had the hotel room that Becky reserved. Oh, were you coming? So we tried to reserve it. I went last year with him, but I didn't get an invite this year.

You're so funny sometimes. You know that? You're so funny. It's just like the the fucking energy drink thing that you do here like i came in today i got an injury i look back i said hey you want energy i don't drink those i'm like oh my god are you fucking killing me he sticks with it so fucking long like there's no forgetting with palmer no no forgetting what's that's why i don't play pranks on him right he is the only person i will not play a prank on it's like he he gets something and never lets it go like it's like it would be like me i'm always carrying on the fact that you guys all went to Lollapalooza.

Okay, I got to lay this out. Let's own a Palooza and, you know, didn't ask me to go or something and ride with Matt Booth and go down there and do all this stuff. Get out of here. Even though there's plenty of space in the car, you know.

You had to work here. But, you know, I mean, I would never hold on to anything like that. Okay, okay, okay. You know what I mean?

Okay, okay. Wait, Greg does not listen to the show. Greg should be getting some emails and magazines if he hasn't already. Because he said something to me one day that wasn't nice or something.

I don't remember what it was. Are you sitting in Playboys? No, no, no, no. Like erectile dysfunction.

Oh, no. Magazines on male pattern baldness. Oh, my God. You know what?

I'm going to put this out on the show. You know why? Why? Because nobody watched.

Should I talk about where the thing's at? No. He doesn't watch it. Yeah, but Alex might.

I can tell you this. He had a lot of good stuff to say about the show, so I think he watches it more than he lets people think. I got to lay something out real quick about Palmer. Okay.

I've been approached, just so you know, to play pranks on you. I'm sure you have. And I won't do it. Everybody wants to get the king.

Everyone wants to knock you down off your hill. Everybody wants to knock me down. They're like, come on, Boots. You're fearful.

You can do it. You're fearless, not fearful. Oh, they want you to do it for them. They want me to play the prayer.

I'm like, no, you guys don't understand Palmer. It doesn't matter. They don't get the hoorah if you do the prank. Right.

But they're all scared. They're scared. Like if they're going to be like, yeah, we got Palmer. No, no, you didn't.

He got Palmer. Yeah. So you begging him to do it doesn't. But it doesn't matter because I tell him all the time.

I was like, dude, he's probably the most vengeful fucking person. Oh, dude. Yeah, no, absolutely not. And he's got unending abilities and reach.

And he would do it for fucking years. He'll find the oddest shit online. The guy is connected with Amazon, he can just turn his phone on and be like, I need this now, in two hours it's delivered to his house, and you're fucked, yeah, no, no, I play pranks on fucking Greg all day, not Palmer, all day, so I'm in here talking to him, and I hear him, meow, and I was like, what the fuck, he goes, yeah, yeah, there's a fucking cat in my office, I was like, where the hell did that come from, he goes, I don't know, I don't know where it's at, man, I was like, I don't know, I don't know where it's at, man, I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know where it's at, He's like, dude, it sounds like, it sounds like he come from the the files, and he was like, no, it's not in the files, I've torn those apart, and it's not in there, he's torn this place upside down, he goes, he's, I think they're in the ceiling, because that's where they put the last one, because the last time they put crickets in the ceiling, so not only did they get Greg, but they got Keanu, they got me for a hot minute, because I was like, where's this fucking cricket at, back in, you know, and I'm, I'm in the back, most so so now he's now he's been on the the whole kick of hey boots where where's that fucking cat at i'm like dude it wasn't me like i swear to god he's like well who was it i'm like why would i tell you that he's like was it palmer i said i'm not telling you he goes you know you and palmer just alike he's like i've already talked to palmer he said the same fucking thing you said i was like it's gotta be one of us who else is gonna do it i love it well mikey was sitting in here Well, the king walks by, and he's like, I know you're part of it. Oh, you got nothing to do with it.

Yeah, you do. Listen, Mikey was sitting right here eating, and Greg was sitting right there, and I go, maybe he's sitting a little closer than you think. And look at Mikey, and Greg looked back, he goes, it couldn't be my brother. I'm like, oh, yeah, of course your brother wouldn't do anything.

Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, right. His foot's still broke, we tried to kill you. Right. That just opens the door for him to, like, be insane.

He could do anything. Oh, I'm gonna tell you guys right now. He could walk straight faced and Greg would be like, I knew it was Boots or Palmer. I'm going to tell you right now.

He could be over here the whole time. When we do this Vegas thing, I'm playing fucking pranks on Greg, I'm sorry. All right, don't wait in case you're watching the show. He's not going to watch the show.

Did you see the one where they put a speaker in the guy's suitcase? He puts a Bluetooth speaker in his dad's suitcase. As he goes up to security, he plays this porn thing on his phone, and all you hear coming from his suitcase, I, I, oh, daddy, and the dad's going, what the fuck? And he rips his.

I want to do the balloon above the door thing. Where you shoot it, and it's like you're sitting here, and he comes in, and you're like, shh, that's what I want to do. Their house has to be a fucking mess. And then Mikey's going to come afterwards.

He's going to shoot him with a fucking glitter bomb. What is the white stuff? Is it like shaving cream or something? I think it's shaving cream and then he hits her with the fucking confetti cane.

Yeah, but it's like shaving cream with water so that way it goes all over and sticks to it. I mean, the house has to be a mess. I mean, the shit they're making off of these hits, though. Shit, do it, clean it up, get it set up for another one.

We're in an hour. We gotta get going. We gotta keep the show moving here. We're in an hour?

Holy moly. When we hang out, there is no limit, baby. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Questions with Jack. We got questions, questions, questions, questions, questions, questions.

So, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, I kind of scanned through all my emails, the hundreds, the droves that I get weekly. Drones, because you weren't here last week. Right, so I had even more. So I went through and kind of found things that were kind of Cinco de Mayo-ish.

Ah, excellent. Is that cool? Yeah. You ready?

All right. All right, go. Some of them were pretty, you know, so I had to kind of scale it down. You have a speed round?

I do have a speed round. The speed round is good. The speed round is good. So we'll knock out the speed round.

I'll do a handful of these. If these get terrible, then we'll just move to the speed round. But here we go. Fink Slausinger from Topeka, Kansas.

How many guys can I fit in my Toyota Camry? Really, dude? That's how we're going to go? We're going to start the questions like that?

I'm going to get the joke. They're a joke? Cinco de Mayo. I like to try cameras.

Gotcha. Is it Civics or is it Camrys? Is it Civics? Camrys?

I don't know. Maybe it's Civics. Hey, I didn't ask the question. Maybe it's jacked up F-150s.

Alright, anyway, Sandy Beaches from Daytona, Florida. Oh, hello Sandy. I'm going to a Cinco de Mayo party. What's proper attire or a funny costume I can wear?

The sombrero? Sombrero? I don't know if they're big on funny costumes. It's kind of a racial celebration thing.

You can wear a taco hat and a blanket. There you go, the Mexican blanket thing. Oh, a Serape. Like a poncho.

Serape. Serape. Serape. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Serape, there you go. Grab a Serape. Is it 8 o'clock? Because the heat just kicked in, I think.

Yeah, it's 8:07. Yeah, definitely. Oh, here we go. Ava from Orange City.

How do you break up a Cinco de Mayo party? I don't know. Dial 9-1-1. Oh, Juan Juan.

she gave me another one you want to hear it what do you call four matadors in quicksand Cinco de Mayo they're in trouble anyway George Yankachain from Ohio what's the best kind of tequila to put in your margaritas the free one don't put any tequila in your margaritas Go to a party where someone else has margaritas. The Rocks Tequila. Look at these delicious Cayman Jack margaritas. Oh, Cayman Jack.

Oh my God. These are delicious. Skip the tequila all together and let's go with it. Hey, let's get to the next one.

Yeah, this one, but I'm not a fan of the regular margaritas. Yeah, me either. All right, we'll wrap up a show here with the mangoes. There we go.

All right, the Three Caballeros from Tijuana. I love the Three Caballeros. Do you know what sweet dessert was given to the world from Mexicans? Flan, flan, flan, flan, flan.

No, that's Cubans. Chocolate. Oh, I didn't know that. The cocoa beans?

Yeah. Chocolate. I thought it was Switzerland. Nope.

They just perfected it. Tanya Toots from Mississippi. Hello, Tanya Toots. I'm trying to put together a playlist for my mayo party.

What's some good jams to play at a Cinco de Mayo event? Oh. I had no idea. Is it like anything from Pitbull maybe?

Is it Cuban? I don't know, I get it all mixed up. Yeah, that one? What's the song?

Felipe. Tequila! Tequila! Tequila, there you go.

The George Lopez theme song? Lowriders? Lowriders, yeah, yeah, yeah. All my friends ride lowriders.

So I guess you could say anything in Cheech and Chong. Right, anything in Cheech and Chong? Oh, what a great team. Those movies were hilarious.

Hey! Hey, man, what are you doing? All right, Mr. Drippley from Texas.

Oh, Mr. Drippley. I know we like to celebrate with our Spanish friends. I like the mango.

But what are the rude things that we shouldn't do while we are celebrating? So I actually looked this up and saw this question. And it is actually highly offensive to wear sombreros. Oh, they don't like it?

Sombreros and fake mustaches. Oh, we had, I was gonna get the fake mustaches. Right, it is, apparently it is highly offensive. So, I apologize for our inconsiderate ways of celebrating with you, but they're funny.

I mean, come on, they're funny. They give you these at Chi-Chi's. Right, right. And I guess they hate when you say Cinco de Drinko.

Oh, they don't like that either. Cinco de Drinko. You know, the world's uptight nowadays. Listen, man.

You got to be careful. Everybody's uptight about everything. That's the problem. Back in the day, it was ha-ha, fun-fun.

Now everyone's like, oh. I feel like we're the neutrals at this point. What are we uptight about? Oh, this is amazing.

Who's president? The mango? The mango is delicious. Great, man.

Mango is delicious. All right, a couple more questions, and let's jump to the speed. All right, Sig Mr. Luscious Lamb Porks from California.

The cold is winning. Making huge table nachos for the siesta today, what absolutely should never be in my nachos? Okay, first of all, tomatoes. Yeah, those are fucking gross.

Can we please make table nachos? Yes. No lettuce. You know, I saw this question.

That was the first thing I thought of. No lettuce. It gets soggy. You don't like lettuce.

It gets soggy. I can do lettuce. I think the biggest thing is like anything hot, like the jalapenos or anything hot, you need to keep those separated. Right.

Everybody doesn't like those. You need to give people the option. Right. Don't put the spicy Doritos and stuff in, you gotta let it, it's gotta be for everybody, so you can't just be like, oh, I'm gonna make it hot, 'cause then nobody, you know...

Any Doritos are delicious. Yes, they are. I agree, I agree. Um...

Look, I'm dying over here, give me a break. You look like you're about to pass the fuck out. I am, I'm dying. I'm dying.

It's getting real hot in here. I'm dying, it's getting hot in here. This is a little tidbit that Flip Monoggin from Tampa told me. Did you know Cinco de Mayo is a bigger holiday actually in the United States than Mexico?

Yeah, I think Mexicans are so... They don't celebrate it. " We don't do this. You don't like dollar tacos?

Yeah, dollar tacos. We don't taco all day long. What are you doing? Stefan Hippelshacker from Deltona.

Hippelshacker. They do dollar steaks. Right. We eat dollar steak, man.

He didn't even get that. Hey, jerk. Stefan Hippelshacker. Stefan Hippelshacker from Deltona, not Hippelhauser, Hippelshacker.

I got that. What's a hit? Wait, no. Oh, I'm sorry.

Got confused there. What do gringos drink for Cinco de Mayo? Crown and Apple. We're gringos, so.

Crown and Apple. I like Dos Equis, man. Oh, Cronus. I'm a Dos Equis, dude, man.

Cronus. I love Dos Equis. Crown and Apple. Yeah, Crown and Apple.

That's good any time. Hey, here we go. All right. Shit show.

Speed round. All right, boys. You ready? Ready.

Stretch them out. Here we go. Quickly, quickly. Quickly, I'm dying.

Tacos, hard or soft? Soft. Hard. Hard.

Amigos or Amigas? Amigos. That was a trick question. Trick question.

I love my homies though. Amigas are females. I love my homies. I don't think he realized that.

But he loves his homies, so that works too. Two for my homies. There you go. I'm gonna drink two for my homies.

All right. Most popular sport in Mexico? Soccer. Ding, ding, ding.

Capital of Mexico? Mexico, Pinkac. Mexico City. Yes, ding, ding, ding.

Lemons or limes? Limes. Always limes. You know they put the limes in the beer to keep the flies out?

Really? Us stupid people put them in the beer. I put them in just because I figured fruit in my beer. They do it to keep the flies from going in the beer.

They need to get this fucking problem on control. There's a lot of flies in Mexico. Taquitos or burritos? Burritos.

What type of burrito? Bean. Bean. I agree.

Chicken. Bean. I love bean. Like 7-Eleven bean.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Big chunks of bean. What is Cinco de Mayo in Spanish?

Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo. Very good. Funny, though, that is the number one asked question on the internet.

Really? What does Cinco, how do you say Cinco de Mayo in Spanish? Cinco de Mayo. Right.

Yep. Avocado or guacamole? Guacamole. Guacamole.

Always. I'm a new avocado. No guacamole eater. I didn't used to like it.

Really? It was a texture problem for me. So you got to do the guacamole and then you got to put like adobe or some type of like seasoning on it. I'm not making a shack or something.

I don't need adobe. Adobe. Adobe. Adobo.

I don't want to design some artwork. Oh, shut up. It's fucking adobe. Isn't adobe the thing they live in?

And they put it in the side of the mountain? I thought adobe was that software you drew in. An adobe village. No, no, it's not.

Like a pueblo. Yeah. A lot of pueblos is in adobe. No, it's not.

I think it is. I don't think it is. They play basketball in the Adobe. You guys look it up.

It's not fucking Adobe. Yeah, they play basketball in the Adobe. All right. Three bugs commonly eaten in Mexico.

Wait, on purpose? Roaches. Roaches. Nope.

Pomettos. Nope. Crickets. Yes.

Snakes. Nope. It's not a bug. Yeah, I understand.

Grasshoppers, spiders, and scorpions. Scorpions. They are commonly eaten in Mexico. Okay, how the fuck does a scorpion just end up in your fucking mouth?

Well, they cook it. They cook those. Yeah. They're crunchy.

I'm not saying they accidentally eat them. Wouldn't there be a worm? They are commonly eaten. A worm?

They put that on tequila. Yes. It's supposed to be good luck if you eat the worm. Wow.

And you get really shit-faced. Well, that's because you drank all the tequila to get to the worm. All right. We all know what Cinco de Mayo is.

What you're supposed to do is take the bottle. Put your tongue on it. Turn it upside down. Let the worm fall all the way down to the bottom.

And then you move your tongue. You won't go. Worm's gone. You still got a whole bottle of it.

It's like a mini dick. -No, you just hold your tongue out. -Okay. -Yeah, hold your tongue out.

-Do we actually know what Cinco de Mayo is for? -Yeah, you read that in the beginning. -Hold your tongue out. -You read it in the beginning, it's part of the thing.

-Is that what we're about to ask? -Come on, man. -No, no, no, we know what Cinco de Mayo is, do we know what Dio de Mortos is? -That's the day of the dead.

You get confused all the time with Cinco de Mayo. -It's a Japanese holiday at Kobe's. -Your favorite Mexican beer? Modelo.

-Corona Light. Dos Equis. Household Invention that was made in Mexico that everyone has. Oh, I like the little stand thing for you, tacos.

Waffle. Come on, guys. Household Invention. Waffle Iron.

Made in Mexico that everyone has. Color TV. What? The color TV.

I looked it up. Those fucking guys did not fucking make that. I looked it up to verify and that's all I seen was made in Mexico. And in Mexico.

Wow, new TV in black and white, man. I'm telling you, that's what I said. Is that why they're getting cheaper? We gotta fix this, man.

Probably. How many active volcanoes are located in Mexico? Seven. Zero.

Forty-two. Holy shit. Never. I was so confident.

Alright. Name three tequilas now, go. White, dark, and brown. Jesus.

Alright, name three tequila brands now, go. Jose, Pancho, and Pueblo. Jose, Cuervo, Patron. I said that.

And Azula. Azula. Azula's good, actually. You guys did alright about that.

I'm sorry. I fucking lost it for a second. Colors of the Mexican flag, now. Red, white, green.

What order? Green, white, red. Red, white, green. Left to right or right to left?

Right to left. Or no, left to right, sorry. No, that's fucking Italy. Did we go over this?

Yeah, we did. No, I'm sorry. He wasn't here that day. You're right to left, I'm sorry, you're right.

All right, count to five in Spanish. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis. That's six. We added one extra.

You guys are always so extra. Name a Spanish singer now. Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, I was gonna say Jennifer Lopez.

I was going to say Enrique Iglesias. Jose Cuervo. Felipe. Enrique Iglesias is, right?

In the Spanish? I don't know. No, what was that one? Serena.

Pitball. Selena? Selena. She's dead.

She's not Mexican. Yeah, she was. She got shot. Salma Hayek.

Salma Hayek. She's Mexican. She don't sing, though. She's singing when I see her.

She wants. All right. What drink brings in the most cash on Cinco de Mayo? Patron.

Patron. Nope. Shots of Tequila. Nope.

Margaritas. Coca-Cola. Ding, ding, ding, margaritas. The number one selling drink during Cinco de Mayo has outsold Corona the last four years.

Margarita. Yeah, we don't like that place. Three Amigos or Nacho Libre? Nacho Libre!

Nacho Libre, baby. Listen, I love Three Amigos. I love it. But Nacho Libre is like...

You don't know good cinema. You want the bite of my toast? We're the Three Amigos. Well, we're the three, I mean.

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. All right, and lastly, black beans or refried? Refried. Definitely refried.

Black beans make me poop. And that, my folks. Because they're healthy. Is the speed round.

And when you're walking around Key West and you're in the square there and all of a sudden the black beans hit you. Oh, shit. You gotta be careful because you do the old butt pucker deal. Yep, you gotta run to that bathroom over on the left-hand side.

It's good because down there you need something that says that you're stinky. Don't drink the water in Tijuana. No, Key West. Key West.

I'm talking about Tijuana. You know, Greg had a map up the other day. All right, I may or may not be back, I could be dying, we're not exactly sure. But this has been episode 49 of the Chet and Palmer shit show.

You took it off us? Yes, I'm saying goodbye. I think we're done. He's dying.

You guys, you can say goodbye in a minute. He's dying. I'm dying, we're in the show. We took the camera right off of it.

We're sweating to death. I don't know what the problem is. Jesus. They're very uncontrollable today.

I thought we were great. I thought we were doing... They're not listening at all. It's the Cayman Jack, baby!

They're taking advantage of the leader being sick. Hang on, hang on, my friend. It's back to the survival of the fittest here in the jungle. You know when we leave here, Daniel's gonna jump us as soon as we get out of it.

I'm sick, and I bother, like I'm so... I brought Keanu, and he's gonna get ya. Holy shit. Holy shit!

I'll just breathe on him. All right, y'all. This was fun, man. It went by quick.

Say goodbye, guys. Goodbye, guys. I'm trying to get the show back down to an hour. Listen, it's tough.

Hour and a half is long. Yeah, it's tough, man. If anybody wants a wedding, you can- We'll- Oh, I gotta talk to Greg about when I do his wedding. Like, is he serious, or can I fuck around?

I don't know what he wants. I would think he wants fuckery. He wants fuckery. You guys are gonna help me.

Okay, hold on. Are you the DJ at the wedding? No, because she wants a lot of Spanish music, and I don't know Spanish music. And then he needs to hire us, the only reason you get the job is we're the emcees.

I mean, listen, I mean, let me do some research on the Spanish music, I can help you out. Can't you just get a Spanish playlist? They have them on Spotify all the time. Yeah, but I'm not, I'm not, I'm not like a, I'm not a, I'm not like a jukebox DJ, like I actually mix and stuff.

When are they getting married again? Like fuckin' eight months from now. Yeah, it's a long time. Is it this year or next year?

Next year. Next year. Start listening to Spanish music. You have serious, uh, F&M.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Anyway, yeah, a lot of that. Or the, or the, doom, ki-chu-ki-doom, ki-chu-ki-doom, ki-chu-ki-doom. Is it Greg?

Oh, we gotta get Greg out dancing with his new bride. Oh. Yeah, but we, but we gotta be the MCs, and he's a DJ. Okay.

Yeah. Cause this would be a fucking lit ass party. Alright, we're gonna go. We can talk about this off the air.

Alright guys, we gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye. Bye.

We invite you to write the show's host, Mike Palmer, with any feedback or suggestions you may have for their shows. These broadcasts are presented and made public as entertainment in the hopes that they will be entertaining to the audience. This has been the Chet and Palmer Shit Show, a Mike and Mike production. m.

We appreciate you listening. Now, you don't have to go home, but we have to get the hell up out of here. So we'll catch you all next week, right back here on the driveway, our little piece of paradise on this cement. We'll probably be half drunk, but we'll see you next week.

Next week. Bye.

Show Notes

We celebrate with our Mexican Brother and sisters!!  an unboxing from SugarLand and Shine!   Adjust abled why get one!   and Palm er is dying