Cigar Hustlers Podcast Episode 313

Episode Summary

Episode 313 opens with the crew nursing a holiday illness that swept through the shop — Phil gets branded "patient zero" — plus Christmas and birthday party recaps, family drama over unreturned holiday phone calls, and a running debate about escaping town for the holidays next year. It's a loose, unfiltered open before the main event.

The bulk of the episode is the hosts' annual run-down of Cigar Aficionado's Top 25 Cigars of the Year, counting from #25 to #1 and giving an honest verdict on each. They dismiss the West Tampa Red Robusto (praising the Bosphorus factory's tobacco but not West Tampa's blending), shrug at Padilla Miami and Rafael Gonzalez, and give genuine approval to the Oscar Valladares Bosphorus B52, La Flor Dominicana Double Ligero Lancero, and especially the Olmec Claro Corona Gorda — which they argue deserves to rank higher. Cuban entries (Cohiba Pirámides Extra, Trinidad, Romeo y Julieta, Partagás Serie P No. 2) draw skepticism about how the magazine sources them, and the Montecristo 1935 Anniversary gets written off as name recognition.

The sharpest criticism lands on Blackened M81 by Drew Estate at #7, which all three hosts call one of the worst cigars they've smoked, and on Fuente Fuente OpusX Reserva d'Chateau at #1, which they see as a value play for collectors rather than a genuine cigar of the year. Along the way they question whether the list skews toward Cigar Internet-distributed brands, note the absence of Espinosa, Room 101, HVC, Protocol and Dunbarton Tobacco & Trust, and joke about the unidentified #10 "El Pulpo." Phil's Fun Facts covers Kwanzaa, and the guys close out with New Year's wishes and no Listener or Shop of the Week.

In This Episode

1. 01
   Patient Zero and the Holiday Plague
   The hosts roast Phil for spreading a nasty illness through the shop and their families over Christmas week.
2. 02
   Christmas and Birthday Party Recaps
   Three days of events, leftover food, no-show guests, and adult kids who never called on the holiday.
3. 03
   Counting Down 25 to 16
   West Tampa Red Robusto, Padilla Miami, Rafael Gonzalez, Oscar Valladares Bosphorus B52, La Flor Dominicana Double Ligero Lancero, Olmec Claro Corona Gorda, Luciano Foreign Affair, Tatuaje, Montecristo 1935 and Cohiba get graded.
4. 04
   How Cigar Aficionado Sources Its Cigars
   The crew questions blind-tasting claims, Cuban cigars 'picked up at New York retailers,' and whether ad spend influences placement.
5. 05
   The Middle of the List: 15 to 9
   Ashton VSG, Caldwell Long Live the Queen, My Father La Gran Oferta-era releases, Trinidad, Romeo y Julieta, and the mystery El Pulpo at #10.
6. 06
   Blackened M81 Takedown
   All three hosts agree the Drew Estate/Metallica collaboration at #7 was one of the worst-tasting cigars they've had, and question the hype behind it.
7. 07
   The Top Five Verdict
   Alec Bradley, Oliva Serie V Melanio, Padrón and Fuente Fuente OpusX Reserva d'Chateau — they agree on Padrón, reject OpusX at #1.
8. 08
   Who Got Snubbed
   Espinosa, Room 101, HVC, Protocol and Dunbarton Tobacco & Trust get name-checked as brands that should have made the list.

Brands & Cigars Discussed

Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.

Transcript

Welcome to the Cigar Hustlers Podcast episode 313, the number one cigar podcast in the world with a famous cast, where we bring you the latest news and insights into the world of premium cigars. In this episode, we dive into the big stories of the week. P. Palmer, are two dynamic individuals who co-hosts the Captivating Cigar Hustlers Podcast.

And me, I'm Phil. So grab your favorite smoke, sit back, and join us for another exciting episode of Cigar Hustlers Podcast. Maybe you'd like to put your products in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of cigar smokers each week. Maybe you'd like to partner up with us, become part of this, part of the number one cigar podcast, and go down in history as a supporter of our iconic show.

Yes. But the fact is, we don't want sponsors. We don't like people telling us what we can or can say. So, as going forward, the Cigar Hustle podcast show will remain sponsor-free, unless you have a big enough check.

Big check, big check. Thank you for your time, and you can... We're going to remain sponsor-free. We remain sponsor-free.

And we would like, thank all our patrons for helping us, uh, I read the wrong one, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I don't really care about the whole first part of it. I really care about the whole, I'd like to thank the patrons of the Patreon for contributing to us and donating every single month and getting the secret show and, you know, constantly supporting us. All that stuff he's saying.

Yeah, thank you so much. We appreciate you guys. Thank you. Thank you, yes.

com and look up Cigar Hustlers Podcast. Ah, excellent job, Mike. Yeah, that whole thing. Wait, hold on, let's do that one more time.

Close up. I'm not doing it again. Look over there, patient zero. You're the only one that's 100% well still.

Yeah, this motherfucker. You blew up the entire place. I took emergency? You know what?

What's really kind of funny is he's the culprit for every fucking time. I was thinking that. COVID? Fucking him.

I think you guys have just said that now. Do you know why? Why? Because he goes out to these fucking ridiculous dive bars all the fucking time.

All the fucking time. Dive bars, I go to Jimmy's. Okay. That's not dive-ish.

Dude, you were at a bar where there was a pool and you jumped in the fucking pool and swam around. This was like four or five months ago, one time. You go to bars. Yeah, you do that stuff all the time.

Yeah, you go to, motherfucker, where did you go after the customer appreciation night? Did you go out to bars? I went to, uh... Answer the question.

Jimmy's and then Weston. Did you go out? Jimmy's and where? Jimmy's and Weston.

Dude, did you go out to bars? Best end. Yeah. It's not really dive.

Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, by the end of the night, that place is pretty nasty. Dive is just bulldogs.

Dude, you hit all the fucking dive bars in fucking central Florida. Wow. And that's why he's always got some shit. Right.

Why are you so hateful today? And then you give it to us, because you about killed the entire place. Oh my god. Yeah, because you decided to fucking blow everybody up, Brittany's sick, shit's fucking- Oh, Brittany's sick nothing?

Hell yeah. What happened to all the other people in the world? You think I got them sick? It's just you that fucking blows us all up.

You blew us up. You always get it first. You guys have never interacted with anybody else that was sick. No, no, no, we haven't.

This is a closed circle of friends here. Yeah, it's just you. Anyways. I don't hang out with anybody that's not here.

Yeah, mm-hmm. You're the guy. You need to stop going to the bars. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to the bars, go home. You know, yeah. Go home and take emergency and got baths and stuff. Read a book or something.

Wipe yourself down with Purell. Watch Housewives like the rest of us. I'm glad that we have nothing to talk about other than getting on me. Watch Housewives like the rest of us.

We got plenty to talk about, but we're going to start there. We're going to start there. So you have a good Christmas? I had a fantastic Christmas.

Did you have a nice birthday party? She had a great birthday party. I missed everything because Phil got me sick. I know, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I missed everything. Yeah, Santa Claus was sick as well. Oh yeah, sorry, I thought about that. So Santa Claus, he rang the doorbell and just dropped some shit off.

Ah, yeah, on Christmas Eve. That's nice. Um, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, we had, uh, my boy Tyrone shot the ghost on me.

He didn't show up on Christmas Eve. I don't know what that means. He didn't show up. Oh.

He didn't show up. He's not answering my calls. Uh-oh. Yeah.

On my shit list. So who's Tyrone? Levi's dad. Tyrone didn't, was he there for the party?

He was there for the birthday party. We invited him for Christmas music. All right, I'll see you guys tomorrow. I called him that day, and then he didn't show.

Oh, are we concerned? Or is this something that happens? Does he listen to the show? He's legit in my contact list.

I have the squirt gun and the ghost next to his name. Ah, shot the ghost. Yeah, because he shoots the ghost all the time. He doesn't show up.

I was curious why you mentioned that, like, you know, something happened or something. No, no, it just didn't show. I talked to him in the mid-afternoon. " Oh, it's about three o'clock.

Yeah, around two, three, yeah. Yeah, mid-afternoon. Yeah, mid-afternoon. Exactly.

Everybody knows what time that is. You gotta paint a bigger picture. So, I was asked-- I like the vague reference. I was asked what time I was gonna be here, and I said mid-afternoon today.

Because we've been trying to schedule this, it's obviously Wednesday. Yeah. it's been a it's been a rough we've been a rough go with things and phil in his infinite wisdom says so what time is that so what time is mid-afternoon like noon that was at like 11 yeah so then you should be there now because it's good mikey's there now like no not he's not we're not there so then we had to explain what mid-afternoon was yeah something going on with Phil. Now he's all hurt over there.

Apparently when he, when he, when he became patient zero, he decided that he lost his brain cells, I guess. Time means nothing to the man who was killing everyone. Time means nothing to the man who's killing everyone. He's an angry Christmas tree because now Chet's down with it.

And I heard Etka. Yeah. Yeah. Steve's lucky he wasn't here last week.

And Phil's just killing everybody. It's a hot mess. So yeah, Christmas went great. Brittany We worked her ass off.

The birthday party was the day before. Right. You had a three day event. It was a trifecta.

I think the birthday party was the best of the three. Yeah? Yeah. Good.

It was good. It looked nice from the photos. I will tell you what does- The food was delicious. It's all I've been eating for the last four days.

Oh, you got the food? Yeah. That's right. Good.

I found the donuts last night. Patient Zero. I keep finding new boxes. Oh, good.

The box with donuts and cookies. Like, oh, that's the best one. Nice. Patient Zero what?

Patient Zero dropped it off. I thought Chet dropped it off. On the camera it was Chet. Your car, but Chet put it on the door.

No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. It was Tia. I'm going to tell you said that.

Look, I was feverish that day. Yeah, he's very, very bleary. Laying on the, I was dying in the bed, couldn't breathe, couldn't see, having diarrhea, chills. It was terrible.

Mm-mm. Christmas Day, we just, I sat on the couch, we opened presents. I sat on the couch, she sat in her recliners because we're trying to keep a distance. Right.

We used to watch Christmas movies all day. That sounds fantastic. You know, that's what everybody says and I told her today, I go, you know, I know the kids haven't called because her kids didn't even call. Bastards.

But, I go, this isn't all bad. Yeah. People suck, dude. Nice low key day.

Fucking kids didn't call? No, her kids didn't call. So shitty. Yeah, so she's having a bad day today.

She vented. They didn't fucking call? No. What the fuck is wrong?

Can I reach out to Tanner? No. No, no, no. Why not?

No, no, no, no. Because I'll get in trouble. I'm just glad she doesn't listen to the show. How do you expect things to change and no one's gonna call people out on their bullshit?

She has already called both of them out. And what'd they say? I don't want to get into it. Then why would you mention it?

Be like, hey. Because I want them to maybe say something to them without being specific. I don't know. We're just talking.

I might call them. Hey, remember when you guys came out of that vajayjay? But JJ, yeah, you're supposed to call that person on holidays. I mean, I don't even like my mother, right?

And I would still. Yeah, you still call, you can take a minute to make a phone call? Hey, just a Merry Christmas. Right.

Do you call your mom on Christmas? No, she's here and she's usually making my life miserable. I called my mother. She was told to stay away.

Stay away. You'll kill me if you come over here. Don't come over. J5.

J5 alive. He'll kill me if you come over here. Jake called from the firehouse. He was on duty.

Oh, so your kids called? My kids called. Jake always calls birthdays and holidays, whether he's working or not. And that's nice.

Yeah, that's why he's a golden boy. Well, we haven't seen him in probably a year. What happened? He's busy, that's why I tell Adrian, he's got his life on his own.

It happens, man. He's teaching classes, he's fighting fires. Yeah, this is life. Banging a stewardess.

He's banging a stewardess. Right. It's a lot of work. Sometimes you've got to bang a stewardess, you know, when you're young.

You get a lot of free flights and stuff. Yeah. You know? How old is Jake?

26. 27. He's getting a little older. He's getting a little older.

He's getting a little older. He owns a car, he owns a condominium. There you go. Thanks.

Life is good. Got a decent job, makes way too much money. Way too much money? Yeah.

That's good. That's good. You've got to turn yours over. You've got to turn yours over.

So yeah, Christmas was good. Good. We survived Christmas. Didn't really feel like Christmas this year.

You know, it didn't in our house either. We just figured it was because of the illness. I'm threatening to elope. Like, I don't know what that means, if that means it right.

I know what elope means. I want to fucking, I want to go. Like, I want to go somewhere. Oh, I've been wanting to do that for years.

Yeah. I'm starting, I started laying the groundwork for this. I'm getting the fuck out of Dodge. For Christmas?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm leaving. Where do you want to go? Taking the kids' log cabin somewhere or something.

Oh. Wilderness. I don't give a fuck. If Brittany says, hey, I mean, Brittany's a beach person.

Brittany says, hey, I want a vacation. Let's go do Christmas on the beach. Done. Right.

It could be cold. It could be cold, though. Who cares? Yeah, but I mean, wintertime.

How cold is it in the Bahamas? Is it that fucking cold? I don't think it's that. They had a terrible storm go through there at Christmas.

Oh, yeah? Did you see all the cruise ships? No, I didn't see any. Oh, it was terrible.

Yeah. How cold is it in Mexico? I don't know. I don't go to Mexico.

Is it dangerous? It's dangerous. No. Remember what happened to Greg?

He may not come back. Right. He may not come back. What happened to Greg?

He lost his passport. It was in his back pocket. Yeah, but one of those cartels put it in his back pocket. That's right.

After they made copies. Shoved it back in his pocket. And he's never going to know with his back. There's now a Greg El Stepkiewicz in Mexico.

Gregorio El Stepkiewicz. Si, bueno. I'll go wherever. I'll go wherever.

What about Buffalo? I ain't going to Buffalo. I'm not going to Buffalo. Like, I want to get in a car.

I want to drive somewhere. That's my ideal scenario. Oh, Brett Fries' house. Oh, Brett Fries' house.

Georgia, something. Stay in the barn. You know, Tennessee. Where he dresses up with the rubber boobies.

Whatever. Rubber boobies. He's probably telling you, follow me into the barn. No.

No. I've seen the video. Come on, touch 'em. Come on, touch 'em.

Come on, touch 'em. No, you want to touch 'em. They're so realistic and lifelike. All right, so you want to review this?

We can do the traditional aficionado top 25 cigars. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do too, Phil, since you asked for this before. Yes. I'm gonna put some thought into what I think is a top 10 cigars that came out.

I'm gonna include my shit too. That's fine. I mean, it is what it is. Right.

But I'll go through it. I'll go through it and I'll review and I'll tell you what I think is actually worth the shit this year. And then on the Patreon, I'm gonna tell you the ones that I think are complete fucking messes. Yes, the bullshit.

it all right okay all right so phil uh are you familiar with how we do this no i'm not tell me he's never done this with us i guess he doesn't well were you not on last christmas well we did one last year but it was different he said did we have a celebrity last year no i don't know nope i remember it was literally like it was a quick read off of this list and that was it Because it was all BS. Okay. We read the name, we say the number, number 25, for example, is the West Tampa Red Robusto. Okay.

If you had it, if you liked it, and if you think it deserves to be on the list. Okay. What are you smoking over there, Grunty Grunter? Pustania, Connecticut.

Every day, baby. Oh, I thought maybe it was something else. Delicious. Oh, I heard something else has maybe landed somewhere.

Yeah, it has. I started smoking that. The San Andreas. -I don't know what it is.

-Yeah, I started smoking it. -I have to wait till Half Wheel puts out the press release that I write for you to give them. -That's right. All right, number 25, West Tampa Red Robusto.

-Yes, so here's what we're doing. We're looking over the Aficionados Top 25 cigars and we're going to tell you how we feel about it. -I just said all that. -Are you sure?

-Yes, but you were over there grunting and moaning and smoking that cigar. -Mmm, it's okay. -Mmm, delicious. All right, so for the third time.

We're going to read on the top 25 edition. Phil, have you had the West Tampa Red Robusto? Is that black or white label? It's the red one.

It's the red one. It's the red one. Nope. Jesus Christ.

Solid performance out of the gate here. Nope, have not had it. Don't know if I recommend it. The Red Robusto, is it black or white?

So is it black or white? No, it's red. It's red. It's red.

You see what happened? You sheltered me to Cigar Hustler. No, you're not sheltered. Your problem is you've gone everywhere else.

I've had, I've had, yeah, probably you keep going everywhere else and getting dirty stuff. And your brain cells are gone. You bring back here and kill us all. All right.

I've had it. What do you think? I didn't like it. You've had it?

I think I've had it. Why do you say you're so surprised? Didn't we have the red one here? No.

No, it's only black or white. That's why I said black or white. I've had the red one somewhere. Yeah?

No, 'cause he's got their own reps. This is so complicated. Who is West Tampa? Isn't that Ossinger?

No. Oh. It's Pretty Ricky. Yeah.

Formerly CAO. CAO. Ricky Rodriguez. Yeah.

So he actually makes a lot of stuff out of the... I had it somewhere. I'm gonna call it the Phosphorofactory moving forward. Oh.

Phosphorofactory. Nice. Shout out to my boy Jeff. Jeff bought it.

Oh. Did he buy a factory? Did you buy a factory? Yeah, he owns it.

Oh, nice. Yeah, it's his factory. It's just factory. Make sure, is it like a block or is it wood?

Could it catch fire? Yeah, it's like a block. It's a wood block. Nice.

I don't know. Hopefully it doesn't catch fire. Mud huts. Yeah, a lot of mud huts.

Place for the hookers. I haven't had this cigar. I could tell you that what's fascinating about this factory is I think that they actually have good tobacco. Right?

Now, with that being said, I haven't smoked a West Tampa that I've liked. It's kind of hard to cover your mouth and hold the button and turn away from the other person so you don't cough at them. I already got the same shit that you got, buddy. You never know.

I might have had a different variant. I don't think so. Did you have the diarrhea? I did have the diarrhea.

The sweats, the chills. Yep, yep. Ugh. Terrible.

Body aches. All right, so they have good tobacco. Yeah, so they have good tobacco, but for whatever reason, West Tampa doesn't make good cigars, I don't think that they're good. I don't think they know how to put them together.

So the blending is bad. Maybe Ricky's doing all the blending. I just think that, you know, look, here's what happens in this industry, more often than not, is people don't give a fuck. They're like, "Oh yeah, yeah, let's do that.

" I don't know if that was a scenario here, but I could tell you, the red one was the third one. The black and white came out first. I thought the the black one was good. I don't remember liking any of them.

All right, so there you go. All right, so it probably doesn't belong on the list. Not on the list. Redheaded stepchild, goodbye.

All right, number 24. The Padilla, Miami. Padilla. B and, is that 8 and 11 or B and 11?

Churchill. I've never had it. Is that the brand with the big lion head? Yep.

I mean, I have had it, then. I don't remember it, though. Nope, never had it. You don't hear much about this brand at all.

Oh, I mean, Ernie's such a nice guy, too. Yeah. He really is. And he makes some good cigars.

I don't know, you know, he just kind of fell off. It's kind of weird. Is this like a big box cigar? Like, only like...

Yeah, it's probably more mainstream with your catalog brands and shit. Right. So, I betcha it's a good cigar. It probably is.

We'll say it's okay. Yeah, even though I haven't had it, I betcha it's a good cigar. All right. I'll give him that one.

Number 23, Rafael Gonzalez, Corona de Lonsdale. No fucking idea what this is. I don't know who Rafael Gonzalez is. I don't like Corona.

It's the red one. Is this your new Stanley? Do you get a Stanley cup for Christmas? Oh yes, I got a Stanley cup for Christmas.

I love you for Christmas. Look at you. Yes, I'm one of the big boys now. I got a big boy coming.

You're welcome. Thank you. So fucking heavy. Welcome.

Welcome to the manly steam. My boxing thing got delivered today, but I can't put it up there. Yeah, there you go. See, look.

I solved problems, Michael. Thank you very much. Because it's going out in the garage and it'll be in the way for the air conditioning. I saw you got your wife a Jabberwocky mask.

Oh, no, it's a red light there. Yeah, that looks nice. She likes it. Yeah?

Yeah, 'cause she can watch TV in the way she's doing it. That's interesting. I think I need to get one of those. It wasn't all, I don't remember it being terribly expensive.

It's probably 80 bucks, I think. Something like that, yeah. It's rechargeable, so there's not even a cord. Oh, really?

So you can walk around the house with it. Oh. That sounds amazing. Yeah.

I think I'm gonna get one of those. You just have to make sure you clean it 'cause it'll develop a, well, I guess you don't have makeup residue and stuff. Yeah. Only for the show.

What? Only for the show. Only for the show. Oh, we can all wear them on the show.

No, he's not on makeup. No, I mean like he gets makeup. Oh, yeah. Alright, so no idea what the fuck Rafael Gonzalez is.

No idea. No idea who he is. How he even got on the list. Alright.

22, Ozinger Family Cigars, Bosphorus B52. Oh. There you go. That's from the Ozinger Family.

I have had it. Yeah, you're a fan of this one. I am. He's so excited.

I love it. Yeah. Palmer? Well, I've obviously had it too.

I don't remember being bad, so I guess it's far enough down the list. It seems like there should be things that are better, though. I mean, we're in the top 25. We're still in the 20 through five list here.

We're not in, like, you know, number one or whatever. Well, right. Yeah, number 22. So, I mean...

I'm sure there'll be worse stuff further along. Yeah. I think he's a good cigar. Oh, yeah, there's...

Yeah, yeah, I feel like this is fine on the list. Yeah, okay. It makes sense to me, to some degree. It's nice that we actually got to meet the guy, bullshit with him a little bit.

Oh, yeah, at the Smoke. He came to the shop. No, he was here. Oh, was he?

Yeah. Oh. He came in with Miguel. Oh, I wasn't here that day.

It was a little bit later in the day. Yeah. Yeah, so he's all right. I think he's making a decent cigar.

Yeah. All right, number 21. Oh, number 21. La Floridomenicana, Double Lajero Lancero.

I have had it. You have? Yes. That's a good cigar.

It was good. You've had it, Michael? Yes. And what did you think?

I thought it was a good cigar. You thought it was good? Yeah, they're all strong, but I like them. Yeah.

They are strong. Full body. Full body. It's almost the same dudes every year.

There are a couple of new ones in here. On this page. Yeah, I mean, I got no problem with LFD making the list. They make good cigars, they have good tobacco.

Yeah, they should be somewhere around here. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, so yes.

Yes, all right, number 20, Olmec Claro Corona Gorda. I think this one should be a little higher. I don't know, maybe Nick's got another, maybe Nick got two on the list? Because this is a really good cigar.

Nick got two on the list? I said maybe. I think he got another one? Probably anything lately that's just come out is too new to make the list.

Well, I think you could definitely place number seven, but we'll get to that one. No, he's just got the one. Yeah, look, man, I'm gonna tell you right now, this was a big hit. It was, it was a good, everybody seems to like it.

The Claro Corona Gorda, I think that that's the best size, and I do like it in the Claro over the Maduro. So, it's kind of weird to see them get this one right, to be honest, because it belongs on there, right? It does belong, and I think it should be a little higher. When we get to number, let's say, 13, we'll let him do Phil's Fun Facts.

Okay. We have one today. Okay. Number 19.

Number 19, The Foreign Affair by Luciano Cigars. How many handjobs did it take for him to get on that? Yeah, who did he promise checks to? Yeah, I will take ad space.

I will take ad space, you put me on a magazine? I will pay top dollar. You bill me, right? You bill me.

Send it, send it, send it, send it, send bill, send bill. Again, don't like Corona. Send bill to Mike the Greek. Send bill to Mike the Greek.

Send bill. Oh my goodness, I have not had The Foreign Affair. Ian Charger paying tabs. I have not had the foreign affair, but I'm sure it tastes like somebody else's tobacco.

It tastes probably foreign. Made at my factory, I just got the taste. This is mine. It used to be Jeff Wutte's, I heard.

It was Jeff's. Now I possess. Now it is mine. Jeff, bring me whore.

Wow. Number 18, Tatuaje, Miami Havana, Casandores. No, it's Casa Do Res That is not how you say it That's how you say it That's how you want me to say it I know I miss those days Me and my Havana Casa do res Come on I'm not sure if I've had this one No, just move on I haven't had this one I'm sure it qualifies. That's why I make some decent stuff.

I've been smoking a couple lately. They're pretty decent. Yeah. All right, number 17, Monte Cristo, 1935 anniversary.

You've been smoking them because down to her, it's all about fucking, you know, thumb in the asses. So I could beat Johnson. My goodness. They just, you know, they would collect the semen and put it in a jar.

Let's be honest. I think Jerry has it. This is Pete Seaman. This is Pete.

I think they have a jar of it there. This is very rare. This is very rare. I keep it up here on the shelf.

Just send them a jar of mayonnaise. Pete Seaman. Pete Seaman. You have to put this on your desk, Jerry.

It's very rare. Can't believe what cigars are saying to me. How did they get this? You know, they gave it out with the Monster Series.

The Invisible Man. Jerry, Jerry. No, this Monte Cristo one, I have not had it. Yeah.

No? No. Tastes like all the other ones, I'm sure. I'm sure it's complete shit.

Yeah, complete shit. Tastes like a piece of shit. You know, it's a... It's a Monte Cristo with a darker band.

The Diamante Grande. You know, the white bands, everybody who's figuring it out don't taste good. Put a dark one on, let's mix it up. Now, the question is...

Let's throw a diamond on it. Should it be on the list because of the name? No. No, but that's the only reason it's on the list.

Is that the real question? Who smoked this? Aficionado. " That's right.

I love, like... It feels like a number 17. I love how all this shit makes no sense whatsoever. Well, here's what we do, is we unbanned all of them.

We're like, "Oh, really? " So, when the Andalusian Bolt became number one, you realize that that wasn't that cigar? Because it's one of the only fucking Salamones in the... You know what I mean?

Like, come on. You had no idea. You had no idea that that was LFD. One of these.

Yeah, and then the cigars, and then, hey, listen, the cigars, you know, we pick them up from local shops in New York. You're like, really, the Cubans, you pick them up in the local shops in New York? Yes. This makes so much sense.

Your rules and guidelines make fucking total sense. Delicious. Every year. I love that everybody gets gassed up about this shit.

I don't know, you know, the only time I ever acknowledge this is this fucking podcast that we do, so then we just move on. So we just slam it and move. All right, 17, no bueno. 16?

Sixteen's a Cuban. No bueno. Cohiba. Demasiado no bueno.

Cohiba Pyramid Extra. Oh, it's a pyramid. No, no, it's Cohiba. Cohiba.

Paramida. Extra. Yeah, perfect. Thank you.

Sure. They pick these up in the local stores. Yeah, they get this. This is also found in a New York retailer.

A Jamaican gentleman on the corner. They come in a glass box. Yeah. They got a bobsled team now.

Oh, yeah. Oh. All right, number 15, Ashton Virgin Sun Grown Illusion. Never had it.

It always, the VSG always makes the list somehow. There's always an Ashton. Isn't it always that one? I don't know.

Do they only have the one band? No, I don't know. This is like the one cigar that was a big deal 30 years ago, and then it still just kind of sits around. Lingering.

I mean, I can almost tell you when Ashton blew up and turned to shit, and that was when they fired Rex, That's when they fired Rex, and they did this whole revamp of people. The company's never been the same. Never been the same. Who is the little guy that used to show up here who was the rep?

Shirt, tie, little Hispanic gentleman. Jose? Jose Ortega? Yeah, I liked him.

His brother is the VP of sales for my father. Oh. His name is also Jose Ortega. Oh, nice.

Yeah. His dad laid them all Jose Ortegas. There's like 11 of them. Oh.

11 Jose Ortega. Two of them, Jose. We will call this one Jose. Like the boxer.

Yeah. Seventy-five Jose's. Right. Nice.

All right. What is this next one? The Long Live the Queen, Ace of Hearts. I don't know.

What the fuck is this? They gotta be a Caldwell, right? I think so. You would think with the Long Live the Queen.

I've never had it. But why don't they say Caldwell on the thing? Yeah. I don't know.

Well, because they took the band off and they didn't know they were smoking. Okay. Yeah, they had no idea. They had no idea because they had no idea.

What is this one? I don't know. I don't know who it's from. Long live the queen.

I've never had it, but if it's a Caldwell. I've never heard of it before. If it's Caldwell. It's Caldwell.

Does he have a line of the queen cigars too now? I would suppose so. Either long live the jester or long live the prince. Long live the portolet.

Long live everyone. - Everybody live long. We're all gonna live long. - All right, number 13.

- Long live the diabetes. - My father, La Bijou, 1922. - It's like... - 100 años, Le Corona Especial.

- I have had it. E. Corona? - Limited edition.

- Limited edition. - 100. - Yes, you had the Le Bayou. - You had the Le Bayou.

- No, I had... Carlos gave me one of these. - Oh, yeah? - Yes, I had smoked one.

- Okay. - I thought it was okay. I'm not a real big My Father fan. It wasn't something like- I just wanted to know- I would go out and buy.

What you just said contradicts what you said before, over here. I said it was alright? When you were talking about this Tatuaje thing. What's that?

That's a cigar. Tatuaje? Yeah. In Miami, you said, "Oh, it's good.

" No, no, no. I said I've been smoking more Tatuaje. Because you like Tatuaje? No, I said that it's not bad.

So you don't like Tatuaje, but you've been smoking more of it. You've been trying more of it. I have been trying more of it. You've been smoking Zazwai?

Some. But you don't like it? I mean, kind of. Some of it.

So you do like it? There was a long one that I liked. It was like... I have no idea what's going on.

Do you like Zazwai or do you not like Zazwai? Make up your mind. Okay, so you kind of like Zazwai. Yeah, like 50/50.

Well, it's made in the same factory as my father. Oh, I wonder where this was going. Yeah. Well, it doesn't taste the same.

Maybe it was a different blender. Different blender. It's a totally different, yeah, it's the, uh, the, uh, the Ninja blender. Maybe at a different, uh, Chacowera or whatever, that nice thing.

Chaveta? Chaveta. Chaveta. Chaveta.

I was close with the Chacowera. I should've just let it go. Yeah, my goddamn Chacowera is over there cutting out that tobacco. Oh, my mother's home safe, just in case.

Oh, thank God, I'm so worried. All right, now we can breathe. Got to see her for four hours. She was up here.

All right, Phil, you ready? Welcome to Cigar Hustlers Podcast Feature, Phil's Fun Facts. Hello, peoples! All right, fellas, hold on to your seats.

Kwanzaa, a celebration of African heritage, is rich with happy traditions. One uplifting fact is that each day of Kwanzaa focuses on a principle, such as unity, self-determination, and collective work and responsibility, fostering positive values and community spirit. To all my African fans, happy Kwanzaa! Oh, it's so nice of you, Phil.

Kwanzaa started, I believe, yesterday. Yeah, we had those one guys in Africa that were on the YouTube thing. Dang the, yeah, the thing that we love, cigars, or podcast. Number one, one, one, one, one, one, one.

Those guys just got like a little award or something, I heard. Did they really? Yeah. Oh, from us?

I don't know if it was from us. Maybe. All right, number 12. Back to it.

Trinidad Esperato, series number one, Bellacoso. Why does one of these always show up in the list? This is, this is shit. I don't think I smoked a Trinidad.

Everybody has smoked one somewhere, and they're all terrible. Do they give these out, the Great Smoke? Trinidads? I don't know, maybe.

I don't know. Who would be there from the company? Altidus? I don't think Altidus is there.

I'm sure. I don't know, they're kind of big, they give out something else. They give out Trinidads. All right.

But they're no good. No bueno. No bueno. No bueno.

Womp womp womp. Romeo y Juliet. For the 11. Julieta.

Linea. What does this guy go to Publix and buy all the cigars on this list? Hidalgo's. I've never had it, but I'm sure it's not good.

It's gotta be Cuban. It's gotta be. The whole thing's Spanish. Yeah.

Got to be a Cuba. I'm sure it's terrible. Terrible. We've never had this one.

No. Number 10, El Pupo. El Pupo? Delicoso Grande.

No idea what the El Pupo is. I mean, where'd that come from? Where do these guys buy their cigars? Is that a El Pupo?

Is that an octopus on the band? It is. I've never heard of that before either. It's one of those cigars where the person's out front putting the bands on?

I guess, yeah. Like El Jefe? I didn't say the name. El Pupol.

All right, number nine. It's a San Andreas. Some people have bought El Pupol. Oh, have they?

It's on B&Bs. It's on Atlantic. Oh. It's very popular.

We should carry it. It's at Oakland Tobacconist. It is the number 10 cigar. It is the number 10 cigar of 2023, Michael.

It's the El Poopo. We could, we could run with it and make it the number one. Mardo has it. You could buy all the next 10 and we could have a top 10.

Dude, I look at a, listen, if you're going to use an octopus as a logo and it doesn't say Hydra on it, I'm not interested. All right. Good point. It's got to be Hydra.

How much were they? Just curious. I was just looking at pictures. 99.

All right. Leo Romo. I'll tell you. I'm not that much.

I'm looking at Mardo. You think we should buy those top 10s and smoke it? Just make a top 10 sampler. It's $15.

No, we're not buying them. God, Jesus. It's $15. It's out of stock.

Oh. Sure it is. It's top 10. Everybody's buying them.

I don't think so. I think that they're like... It was a 10-stick run. Right.

10-stick run. Only for these guys. And Fissionado bought up six of them, so... All right, number nine.

J. Fernandez's farm, provide a complex and well-balanced smoking. J. The blend has been expertly crafted to deliver a flavor profile that is both satisfying and complex.

It's spiced, leather. All I'm maintaining, smooth, and creamy smoke. Wow. Oh, jeez, Luis.

All right. All right, number nine. El Pulpo. I feel like this is, like, a classic.

La Roma De Cuba, Mi Amore Bellicoso. La Roma De Cuba. I feel I've had that. Maybe not this one.

Yeah, man. I'm going to add one of those. What do you think of this one, Phil? I've had it a long time ago, and it's, I mean it's like a big box cigar.

It is? Yeah. I think I got it off a cigar bed a long time ago. So what do you think is better, this or the My Father?

Or the Tatuaje? Shh. I'm sorry. What do you think is better, this or the My Father?

I'd probably say My Father. Yeah? You think My Father? Yeah.

What's better than My Father? The Tatuaje's better than My Father, or? What do you think? I think they're about the, they're close.

Tatuaje's better than, Tatuaje and My Father about the same? But I think I've only smoked regular Tatuajes. Yeah. I've never...

So the Tatuaje and My Father are the same, but this one, this Aroma De Cuba is different? Why are they all made the same? Because they're also made the same. Is this one complete shit?

Well, I know when I smoked this one a long time ago, it felt cheap. Oh. Oh. Okay.

All right. I mean, it's top 10. Maybe that's cheap. Well, again, I mean, I say it's like a classic.

The pool pool is 15 bucks. What? Yeah. Is it just like something that somebody always ends up smoking through their cigar experience?

Hail Hydra. Hail Hydra. all right number six eight seven eight eight nine five eight two i'm going the wrong way alec bradley alec m bradley frenziado torpedo i don't know how you don't look at this list i know this is literally that was once the cigar of the year by the way was it really yeah so it just rotates in here this should be called the ci top 25 these guys are just assholes They're fucking... It's like Hunger Games, they bring back all the old winners.

Well, okay, don't worry, have you had it? Let's go back, put some shit in from last year. Yeah, we're tired of smoking things, just bring some else in, who cares? Can't wait to see the Olmec just go off the list next year, I mean, there's just so many greats.

I would just look, if I'm like, I bet you there's probably a room of guys that get together, and they're like, how much bullshit do they even get away with? And then they get away with it that year, and they're like, hmm, I guess we're gonna have to up the ante. I'm going to have to up the ante. Let's see how far we can push this.

Let's see how far we can push this. I'm going to do some more bullshit. You want to know what we should do? Let's throw the blackened on there.

Yeah. I mean, after number eight, they're just really going to piss you off. That's number seven. The blackened cigar, M81 by Drew's State Corona.

Look. This is where all this should have definitely been. If you like the cigar, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong.

It's on a lot of people's list. Yeah. A lot of people really like the cigar. Maybe we got a bad batch.

It's terrible. It was so bad. It was so bad. It was so bad.

I've never tasted a cigar that tasted so bad. Yeah. It was god-awful. It wasn't that it had no flavor.

It had bad flavor. Yeah. Yeah. I agree with what you're saying, Michael.

It was gross. I don't know. I don't know how you guys got there. If you like it, good for you.

I mean, I guess if burnt hair, it was... Where were they drinking when they smoked this? I don't know. Crack.

Liquid crack. Oh, man. Mm-hmm. Liquid crack might have tasted better.

That was terrible, man. It was. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know what you're doing.

It even smelled bad. Look. I don't know what to say. It stuck up the studio.

It was so bad. It was so bad. If you like it, okay, man. Look me in the eye and tell me this is a good cigar.

Hey. Show me the check they wrote you before you did the review. Listen. 'Cause I want one, and I'll say it's good, too.

I don't care. I got a lot of cool swag. That's right. I got a lot of that booze.

That's really good, too. I don't know if it tastes like the cigar. Teats. If you guys like the cigar, you're like, look, it's entirely subjective.

All I'm saying is, you might be eating fucking fetuses. I don't know. Is it subjective? I mean, the three of us here are saying that it's crap.

Well, the three of us hate it. The rest of the world loves it. I think that people are easily convinced, man. It's good, right?

Yeah. It's Metallica. It's really good. It tastes like rock and roll.

It's like rock and roll! Yeah! Okay. Okay.

Okay. All right, number six, Spartacus, Series P, number two. I'm not sure if I ever had that. That's gotta be a Cuban, right?

Yeah, that's a Cuban. Yeah. Another cigar you just pick up anywhere in the New York area. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever had that one. P. Carilio, Allegiance Confident. Yeah.

It looks familiar. I haven't had that. Probably had it. Which one looks familiar?

The EP, Creo. Oh. They came out with a lot of those Allegiant, Pledge of Allegiance and everything this year. All right, well, he's gonna make the list one way or another.

Rocky Patel, ALR, second edition time. But the poor guy is always a fucking bridesmaid. I have had this one. Has yet to be number one.

No. Just give him number one already, for fuck's sake. It's a joke as is, guys. Just fucking throw that poor man.

Don't throw it to him. Give him the one. He's fourth best. You know, I want to see Conviction at number one.

The $100 cigar next year, I want that to be number one. Oh, that's right, the $100 guy. Yeah. Very rare.

How did none of those make the list? What are you talking about? They didn't buy them? What, the $100 one?

Any of them. Well, most of them came out too recently. Well, like the NFTs? Yeah.

Well, you can't get them at those spots. They have to be, they have to be. I mean, they're getting Cubans. They have, no, no, that's different.

It's totally different. Don't be ridiculous. What's his name about an NFT? That's totally, that's different.

Yeah, again, same scenario, different. Different, yeah. So the top five are a Cuban. You're not a cigar maker, you just assemble tobacco.

P. Corillio. Wait, wait, we gotta go to three first. You're jumping.

No, no, I'm going backwards. No, he's jumping. Oh. Oh.

It's like the who's who of cigar makers here these last five. Yeah. This is just a big, you know, Oh, look, look what's on the list. Oliva, Series V, Milano, Toro.

No, I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I have had this, and it is good. Isn't that the one we had, we hated? A couple of weeks ago?

No, I don't think that was that one. No, that was a different, that was a totally different, totally different Milano. Milano, Series V. That was the, that was the 25th year or something.

Oh, wow. The exact same name. Very rare. Very expensive.

How do anybody respect us? I mean, like, I can't believe people look at us and say hi still. Not one Espinosa on here. I mean, what the fuck?

Uh, it's right, none of nothing. No Room 101. No Room 101. No Pustania.

That's, yeah. No Roma. They never made no Roma. Yeah.

I mean, I would even put HVC before all these. Dunbarton's not allowed to be on here. Which he explains every, he explains every year. Every year he explains why he's never on the list.

You know what, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to copy and paste his. And then I'm going to just replace it with Polsonia. All right. So, hey, listen, thank you for everybody for your outrage and reaching out.

But this is why I'm not on the list. This is why I'm not on this list. No, I agree on number two to be in the top five. It's always going to be in the top five.

There's always going to be a Padron in there. It's going to be in the top three. I agree on that one. Why is it always different?

No, the 48 this year is better. Why did they call on the phone? George, which one you want to share? You know, we got a lot of the 48s.

Got a lot of the 48s, I couldn't tell you. So it'd be nice if we could move those. Not a problem, sir. It'd be number two.

I don't think that George gives a fuck. I do not agree with number one. Well, Funti Funti Opus X Reserva de Chateau. This is the one where the guy on Weasel Team 6 got big on it.

What guy? Robbie? No. I think his name's Tony or something like that.

It was somebody I'd never heard of before, but he put on there like the cigar of the year. Oh, I saw that, but I don't know who it was. Yeah, and he put this in, and then Robbie chimed in. I'm like, come on, guys.

Who, first of all, who the fuck put this on here? Second of all, Robbie, you know that this is not the best cigar of the year. Yes, but it increases the value of it, so Robbie likes it that it's there. Yeah.

And now he can con people with all those other opuses he has and convince him that's the one that was on the list. This is the one. This is the one, come on. Very rare.

It's got the red X. Number one. This is a horrible list. It is every year, buddy.

Yeah, it's a joke every year. So there you have it. The top five... So this really drives cigar prices?

No, it really... I mean, realistically, all it does is it really creates some demand for the number one cigar, and the rest of them are kind of moot. Unless you're a smaller guy, like if an Espinosa would have made the list, it would have been a big deal to them. They would have...

Don't get me wrong, I would love to make this list. It's like exposure to exposure, you know, but that would never happen. Are they not smoking it? No, they're not smoking my cigars.

I. cigars. Look at what they're smoking. They're smoking the foreign affair.

Well, how did Olmec get in there? I don't know how you don't acknowledge Olmec. He always seems to have one on the list too lately. Yeah.

Last three years, I think. I.? Probably. There's a lot of people in CIO that are on the list.

And this literally looks like that type of list. God, I don't know what's going on in my jaw, it's driving me nuts. TMJ? Yeah.

I was a little demanding yesterday, I apologize. Wow. You're not demanding at all in your condition, sir. Made me feel better.

Unbelievable. Well, I guess I can send your semen with Pete Johnson's semen to the boy down to her place. There you go. Send it all in one big jar.

This is Palmer Seaman. I know it's not a lot, but you know, he's not, he's not a lot left. He's not in his prime. Very potent.

Oh, so the voting in soon for the top, top cigar winner. What? I don't know. The general consensus?

Was it half will? Oh, half will. Yeah. They start collecting consensuses?

I think so. Oh. Oh yeah, no way. I saw Koop's doing a little...

He's been doing a video every afternoon of one cigar. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Today's number 22 cigar of the year is...

I have not seen Postano yet, but he's only like the 16th. Hey, we could be up there. Who knows? You gotta give him a devotion to do it, though.

I mean, every day, a little video. It's a lot of work. Yeah. He works hard, man.

Yeah. It's hard to be... It's just not on the news of the... And he listens to our shows.

Everybody listens to the show, Michael. That's what's so stupid about all this. Why is it stupid? We're a bunch of idiots just sitting there slamming other people's cigars.

What's funny is we're actually not idiots. That's the funny part. Right. Oh, well, I guess you could look at it that way.

Because I've listened to some of these other podcasts. Oh, they're terrible. And I'm like, and I'm not talking about the top tier guys. Right, right.

But some of these other guys? Of course, the top tier guys. And I'm just like, my God, you sound stupid. You sound really dumb.

I can't listen to some of the lower level shows. The ones that are beneath you, Michael? They're not beneath me. They're beneath you.

That is true. I have quality issues. If it doesn't sound good, I can't listen to it. Oh yeah, that's a big deal too.

I'm a sound snob now, apparently. Hmm. It's a sound kind of snob. If the whole show...

No, I'm done. I'm out of here. I'm out of here. I didn't care much about cigars in there because I listen to other podcasts.

Okay. Mm. Listen, I don't have a Listener of the Week. I don't have a Shop of the Week.

And I'm not doing the Roma. I'm not announcing the person. Wow, you just let us down all over. Look, man.

We're here. Who was the big winner upstairs at the thing? Uh, there wasn't a big winner. There wasn't?

No. Okay. Leave it alone. Leave it alone.

Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Yeah. All right.

No big winner. Okay. Mm-hmm. So when will you be announcing?

I'll do it on Instagram probably tomorrow. Oh, nice. Okay. Oh, you just completely cut us out.

Yeah. No, I'll do it with you guys. Oh, okay. Oh, perfect.

Well, with you, Paul. Well, I'll be, tomorrow's Thursday. It's Mom Thursday. Oh, so then I'll be doing it without you.

So I'll do it with you, Phil. Oh, perfect. Yeah. How exciting.

You can FaceTime me and videotape it. FaceTime you in? Yeah. Just screen, record screen.

Okay. I'll do that. Oh, we'll have mom in it. We'll have mom do the husband.

Can't you just do like the, can't Facebook like put it as a conference? Oh, I don't know. I guess, yeah. If you did Facebook live.

I don't know. Instagram can do that. We can FaceTime and I can say that I'm her husband. She'll know.

She'll believe it. She'll believe it. Hey, where you been? Why did you leave?

Wow. I moved out. He moved out. I moved out.

Oh, great. Your hair is something. You're too crazy. You're too crazy.

Your Alzheimer's is roaring. Alright, anybody got anything else? Why don't we just bad-mash on my mother? No.

No, that's it. Alright, well. Until next week. Until next week, everybody.

Um... Are we gonna... Hey, Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Oh, yeah. Everybody have a Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Smoke a lot of cigars.

Post on your cigars. We'll see you next year. Maybe you can get a hold of a Red Robusto. Red Robusto.

Not the black or the white. Not the black or the white, but the red one. Yeah, the red. The red.

Sounds amazing. Sounds amazing. Or the one with the octopus. Maybe you can get that one, though.

That's nice, too. Or any of the other cigars besides the Olmec or the Padrón. I can't wait for the hate mail for the black. Just kidding.

Oh, wow. Hey, man. I really like that cigar. I was like, though.

Well, good for you. Let's talk about that. Let's talk about that. Let us help you.

Right. We can help you. Put that down and walk away. Yeah.

And how does that make you feel? Yeah. All right. All right, guys.

We gotta go. Bye. Bye. The Cigar Hustlers Podcast, its owners, and its sponsors take no responsibility for the opinions or statements made by the talk show host or their guest.

Statements or show topics are not necessarily the beliefs of Mike and Mike Productions or the The podcast providers and opinions between talk show hosts may differ. It is not our intention to libel, incite, or hurt anyone's feelings. We invite you to write the show's host, Mike Szczepankewicz, with any feedback or suggestions that you have for their shows. These broadcasts are presented and made public as entertainment in the hope that they will be entertaining to the audience.

Show Notes

In Episode 313 of the Cigar Hustlers Podcast, join the boys as they delve into the world of premium cigars. This week, they're dissecting the top-rated cigars by Cigar Aficionado, uncovering the secrets behind what earns a spot on that coveted list. From flavor profiles to construction, the hosts share their unfiltered opinions and insights on what truly makes a cigar stand out and gain recognition in the industry. Tune in for an in-depth discussion that goes beyond the ratings, exploring the craftsmanship and nuances that elevate these cigars to the top.