Episode 114 Mad Max Corona Virus Time
Episode Summary
Episode 114 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast is the "Mad Max Coronavirus" edition, recorded from the studio in late March 2020 as the pandemic reshaped the cigar business. Mike and Mike open with a candid look at life under quarantine in Florida — kids home from school, teachers picking up instructional packets in car lines, college students called back to empty dorms, canceled certification tests, and a local realtors association shutting its doors — before turning to how they're staying connected through nightly virtual herfs on Zoom, which have become a surprisingly good substitute for the lounge.
The industry news segment is the meat of the episode. The hosts cover the Honduran government's ban on most workplaces and gatherings of 50 or more, which halted cigar rolling in the world's fourth-largest premium cigar producing country while leaving exemptions for agriculture, cargo and transportation. They follow up with news that virtually every sizable factory in the Dominican Republic has also shut down, with only skeleton crews kept on for tobacco processing and security — leaving Cuba and Nicaragua as the last major producers still operating at the time of recording, with little news coming out of Estelí. They also report the 2020 Texas Cigar Festival being postponed by Casa de Montecristo to August 8 at the direction of the city of Houston, with tickets transferring automatically and refunds available through Eventbrite.
A large portion of the show is devoted to the hosts' decision to close their own cigar lounge while remaining open for product pickup, and their frustration with retailers exploiting the loophole that shuttered bars and restaurants but not cigar lounges. Their argument: a cigar is a small, take-home item, and keeping a lounge open without alcohol service simply puts employees and customers at unnecessary risk. They describe putting the decision to a staff vote and preparing curbside, to-go and delivery options as a next step, while acknowledging sympathy for retailers in states like California that were forced to close entirely.
The back half covers Florida's case counts crossing 1,000, the closure of the Florida Keys to tourists and leisure visitors, drive-through testing in Orange County, and plenty of lighter material — grocery store rituals, a hazmat-suited shopper at Costco, Home Depot crowds, toilet paper shortages, Call of Duty Warzone as father-son "stay-at-home learning," and a Listener of the Week shout-out to Ryan. Practical takeaway for listeners: order cigars online, support your local shop however it's operating, and keep the human connection going through virtual herfs.
In This Episode
- 01Quarantine Life and Virtual HerfsThe hosts compare notes on kids at home, school closures and how nightly Zoom virtual herfs are keeping the cigar community connected.
- 02Should Cigar Lounges Stay Open?A frank argument about retailers exploiting the loophole that closed bars and restaurants but not cigar lounges, and why the hosts voted to close their own lounge.
- 03Honduras Halts Cigar RollingThe Honduran government's ban on workplaces and gatherings of 50+ stops cigar production in the world's fourth-largest premium cigar producing country.
- 04Dominican Republic Factories Shut DownVirtually every sizable Dominican factory closes, keeping only skeleton crews for tobacco processing and security, leaving Cuba and Nicaragua still operating.
- 05Texas Cigar Festival PostponedCasa de Montecristo pushes the 2020 Texas Cigar Festival to August 8 following guidance from the city of Houston, with tickets transferring automatically.
- 06Florida Keys Closed and State Case CountsMonroe County bars tourists and leisure visitors while Florida's confirmed cases climb past 1,000 and drive-through testing opens in Orange County.
- 07Shopping Rituals, Home Projects and WarzoneLighter talk on grocery-store decontamination routines, hazmat shoppers, Home Depot crowds, toilet paper hoarding and Call of Duty Warzone with a cigar.
- 08Listener of the WeekA shout-out to Ryan, a new regular and cigar club member who started coming in right before the shutdown.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Welcome to episode 114 of a Cigar Hustler Podcast. This week, everything virus again, everything going on in the cigar industry with the virus, how Mikey's getting by at home with his own workouts, and anything else that you might want to know. So everybody sit back, take a deep breath, relax, and here comes the show. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike Squared, Squared, Squared, Squared, Squared.
Action! Oh, here we are. Oh, it's very loud. I gotta turn it down.
Welcome to episode 114 of Cigar Hustler Podcast in Coronavirus America. The Mad Max edition. Mad Max Coronavirus. Oh, it's going crazy.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. All right, everyone, welcome. We hope everyone's doing okay. We're gonna keep doing this as long as, and yes, we are back in the studio.
Ooh. We gotta stay in the studio as long as we possibly can. As long as we possibly can. That's kind of what it boils down to, you know, 'cause we don't know, we don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring, Mike.
What tomorrow's gonna bring. Tomorrow could be totally different. Hold on, this is way too low. And you may get some half-assed Skype presentation from us, or Zoom, like I just saw on Live with Kelly and Michael this morning.
Did they Zoom with somebody? They Skyped. Well, the guest was Marc Consuelos, Kelly's husband. They're hurting already?
So they're doing her husband? Holy moly. Yeah, so this is a turbulent times we're living in, Mike. Have you watched any of the, uh, uh, not Jimmy Kimmel, who's the other guy?
Uh, the guy who does the Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon? Jimmy Fallon. I love his home shows.
They're hilarious. Yeah, I wonder how long he can keep that up for. And he does it every day, doesn't he? They're only like 20 minutes, so it's not like he's killing it.
But he does a monologue on his front porch that his wife evidently is the cameraman. Yeah. And then he zooms with different celebrities. Smart.
It is. Hey, man. No commercials either. I thought they'd just light a commercial.
You got to thrive. You know what I mean? You can't let what's going on in the world keep you down. Because if that's the case, we'd all just eat a bunch of donuts and get really fat.
We don't have donuts. We don't have any donuts in my house. And wait for the chaos to come out. We have a lot of dog food.
Any time I go out, I'll buy dog food. I'm just waiting for the hurricane to check in. That's all we need to know. If you think that it's over for us in Florida, when it clears out, don't you fucking worry.
Hurricane Category 5, the size of the fucking state, will be aimed right at us. And we will still survive. And we will make it. Oh, I should play "We Will Survive" right here.
Oh, no, no. Walk out the door. $255, we're going to put in We Will Survive. You should probably just say it, not say it.
$255, write it down. I did write it down. Alright, the first thing, I want to talk about something. Oh, sorry.
Yeah, go ahead. Checking your stock market? No, I mean, you know, I'm sorry, but realistically, there's just so much shit going on, and so much shit changes so quickly. I left my watch at home, just so it did not distract me.
You get a text with something, and you just got to kind of figure out how you're going to navigate it and kind of go from there. So, how are things at your house? We'll just do that first. How are things at my house?
I mean, we're videoing just about every day now. Well, I mean, things at my house are okay. They're okay. The missus?
We may lose a child. I mean, one may go. You're going to sacrifice one to the virus? I feel like the baby is the biggest issue still.
But you can't take it out on the baby, so it's really Jax or Justice is going to die. She has no idea what's going on. Yeah, yeah, she just cries. I mean, you know, the boys, they're still so young, they don't -- who's coming over today?
No one. What do you mean no one? What do you mean nobody? Like, there's a thing going on outside.
There's a thing going on outside, and we're quarantined to try to stay in the house, and they're like, okay. Quarantine? Ooh, I'd like some quarantine. That sounds delicious.
And some corn? Ovaltine. We're Ovaltine-ing the day? Oh yeah.
Boredom is the biggest problem at my house. So morale is up at the house. You know, the virtual herf, believe it or not, it is awesome. It really actually helps.
I mean, Brittany was even-- It passes incredible amounts of time. Brittany was interacting as well last night. Oh, was she? John Carney came on.
Well, he was on in the afternoon when I was on. Yeah, he came back. Yeah, he said he had to go cook and then he was coming back. So I heard a story about how he broke his ribs.
It's the funniest fucking story on the planet. How about that? And I don't want to ruin it. Maybe we can get him to tell us at a later date.
But then, later on, I tried to get him to do exactly what he did to break his ribs and film it. That was the fun part. We tried to get Chet to his wife in the pool. She was cleaning the pool.
He was up to $16 and three cigars if he just pushed Becky in the water. That wasn't enough. She threatened him. He couldn't do it.
I will end you. I will end you. Ladies in my house are getting very tan. There's a lot of sitting outside.
A lot of tanning going on. A lot of tanning going on. They went in today, because they both work for the school system, they went in today to get instructions on how that's going to work. Doesn't sound like it's going to work.
Should be interesting. The school by my house, the high school, there was like a car line. But they did it with teachers today. They said when they pulled up, the principal was at the gate.
The gate, she was directing you, you go here, you go over here, there's two people already in that building, you can't go in. Yeah, so, well, they weren't letting the people in, somebody was running to get the stuff for them. Oh, wow, really? Holy shit, who wants that job?
Yeah, no kidding. Hey, so, hundreds of kids are gonna pull up. Oh, see, they haven't even done the kids yet, these were teachers today. And you gotta go get their stuff.
It's like, fuck. Well, I would imagine at that point, there's packets. You know, little jimmies in third grade, or whatever school it is. Right.
Okay, go get the third-grade packet for Mrs. Collins' class and give it to Jim. But what about like the stuff in their lockers and stuff? This is high school.
Oh, high school? I don't think they can get into their lockers. That's what I'm saying. I feel like this guy, this one person or these couple of people are going in and go-- I don't think they go into lockers.
I think it's just packets for online work. You think so? Yeah. Jacob outside, his cousin goes to school in New Mexico, I think he said.
And he was home for spring break and he got a call today from the school. You have to come back and empty out your dorm. We're not having school the rest of the year. Most of the year.
Wow. So, I mean, he's from here. He's gotta go back there, pick up his shit and come back, and he was just there. What a clusterfuck.
I feel we have not seen the worst yet. Yeah? Yeah, I don't think so. At least not in Florida.
We're not on lockdown or anything. What do you mean you haven't seen the worst? Like, the worst as far as the virus? The worst as far as...
I don't know. I don't know how much worse the virus could get unless more people just start dying. I mean, more people are gonna get infected. Yeah, like that's what I think you read.
I read, but I think you mentioned that 80 percent of the people they're estimating is going to get the virus. Well, I think Skip did that. Oh, maybe it was from Skip. But it's nice that you think that I'm Skip, so I'll take that.
You know, I shared his post last night and he made a very good point about people just need common sense. I just keep touching my face. I can't help it. I think that's kind of the funny part is the majority of people, when there's a problem, they just, they don't try and start You know what I mean?
It's like, okay, and don't get me wrong, it's a lot. It's a fucking lot. There's a lot of things going on, there's a lot of moving parts, and this game is constantly changing, but the reality is you got to keep on keeping on, right? I went out yesterday into the public, but it's the first time I'd been out in three days, I figured until I can't.
And all I bought was weed killer, and I mean, just odds and ends-y stuff, more dog food. As crazy as this may sound, but nobody is guaranteed tomorrow, right? Correct. And the fact of the matter is that I've always kind of lived my life like this, especially after my dad passed, right?
It's you walk out the door, I don't give a fuck how busy you are, I tell my kids I love them, right? I tell my wife I love them, because I could go outside and, you know, I could pull out of the driveway and get hit by a fucking bus and it's over, right? And I don't say that to live life in fear, I say that to pretty much state that, look, when it's your time, it's your time, and you have no fucking control over that. You do what you can every single day, control what you can control, and move from there, right?
I think it was Meet Joe Black was said – I think it was Meet Joe Black because he was the Reaper. That was when Brad Pitt was the Reaper. Right. Great movie.
Not a fan. Maybe I'll go back and watch it now. Or maybe I'm misquoting that movie, but I know that it's from a movie that I really like, and it's Death Smiles at Us All. All a man can do is smile back, right?
So if you just lighten up on – I feel like we should hug. If you lighten up on yourself, right, and lighten up on your loved ones, and you focus on the problem, It just feels a lot better, you know? So, do that. This is your intelligent moment from the fucking comedians of the Cigar Hustlers Podcast Entertainment Center.
The media is still shut down, just so everybody knows. I think Coop's still broadcasting, isn't he? Maybe. That motherfucker's not responding to my emails, though.
I was trying to get some Zoom info, and he responded once, and then he didn't respond the second time. I'm like, alright, cool. Competition. Doesn't want the competition.
Now we are Zoom certified. I'm like, thanks. But hey, the Zoom thing's going well. So, I like it.
I like it. Hey, it is what it is. We just, we're taking one step at a time. I'll tell you something I've learned.
Yes. If you find a show that you like, don't share it with the others in your house. I started watching Homeland when this all started. Oh.
I'm right at the end, I just finished season one, two episodes of season two. But my wife now has caught on to it, so now I can't watch it unless she's watching it. Okay, so, I like the guy, the Billions guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a huge fan. Billions is a great show. Yeah. Um, he's a main star in that movie.
Right. In that show. Eventually, he will no longer be a main star. At that point, that was where I gave up on that shit.
Really? Yeah. He's gotta die eventually. Oh, yeah.
He dies. Because the girl is the focal point. Yeah, yeah. With her problems.
Yeah. Yeah. She just took a handful of all her pills, and I knew what she was taking. I was like, I ain't gonna do it.
So I gave up on Homeland when he died, I'm like, oh, Bodhi? Bodhi, right? Bodhi, yeah. Like, Bodhi's gone?
I'm out. Forget it. How many seasons in 'til Bodhi dies? I think it's like three or four.
Oh, seriously? You just ruined it for me. I thought I had seven seasons. Nope.
I'll stay on. I don't really like him. I don't really care for him. I don't like the character.
Oh. I like the show. You're tough. You're a tough guy.
Well, halfway through season one, you know, they sort of try to make it look like he's not the terrorist. And I was told my wife, she goes, "Well, no, I don't know. It's the black guy now. " I'm like, "No.
For the flow of the show, he's gotta be the terrorist. " Or it doesn't work, 'cause the black guy hardly ever talks. That's true. That's true.
It was good for a while. On the microphone, Mike, are you guys talking? It was good for a while. Alright, here's what I want to talk about.
I've been watching a lot of online shows and things. Yeah, as is everybody. Why do everybody wear sunglasses on their podcast? Have you noticed that?
It's because they don't want to see them looking at something. Is that what it is? Yeah, it's like a reading thing or whatever it may be. Oh, all right.
Okay, I'll get myself. Everybody just think they look cooler with the sunglasses on? Especially if it's like a one-on-one where they're kind of right here. Yeah.
If they have notes right behind them, they don't want to see that they're looking away from it. Oh, so we should wear sunglasses. The problem is I can't read without my glasses on. We're seasoned.
Oh, seasoned professionals. We don't even look at the camera. Some people love that, some people don't love that. Yes.
All right. On with the news, unless there's something else you want to talk about. I have another thing to talk about, but I'll keep it until the end. No, no, no, no, no.
We have plenty of time. We're only 12 minutes in. Okay. What else?
I think that there's a big problem here with some of these cigar stores. You know, I really feel like people are kind of taking advantage of a situation, and they're working a loophole without saying names, but the fact of the matter is that, I mean, in this state, the governor has shut down restaurants and bars and has turned it to, hey, just to go food and stuff like that. So what the governor is trying to say is, hey, we don't need a bunch of people hanging out together, right? Right, that's the problem.
We're trying to minimize contact, okay? And it makes sense. But they didn't say anything about cigar lounges, right? Because...
It's a non-thing to... Right, it's so minute in comparison. So, we have shut down our lounge, right? Correct.
Yes. Because of the fact that, for one, I believe in protecting our employees, and for two, I believe in protecting our customers the best of our ability. Now, will it affect our sales and business? Yes, it will.
It most definitely will because other stores are still doing it. However, I feel like it is not in the best interest of their employees as well as their customers Just to fucking stay open. Like, I don't know why you're trying to work an angle to boost your income. Like, be smart and protect people, you know, like...
It's not like you're selling a large item like a TV that they can only use while they're here. Right. So, I mean, a cigar is, you know, small. Yeah, take it and smoke it at home.
Take it and smoke it at home. Right. I mean, what's the big deal? And without the beer and wine, what, are you just having a cup of coffee and stuff anyway?
Some think they'll make coffee at home. Right. You can't sell alcohol anyway. Right.
So what do you, you know, like, why? Why are you putting all those people at risk for additional contamination and really kind of spreading that? It is just a matter of time for somebody who walks in that has it. And don't get me wrong.
Right. I get it. Like, I understand that, you know, you want to survive and thrive, but there are some things that you got to do that are kind of like a moral obligation to protect people. Yes, Michael, you are very correct.
So. I would love to argue the point with you, but I agree. I can't say anything about it. Can't say anything about it.
And, you know, after I kind of, after, we have a meeting every Monday, but after, after I had kind of expressed that, because we had some employees that were like, well, we should stay open on our line. Yeah, so-and-so's open, why can't we stay open? So, after I expressed that to them, I took it to a vote. I go, look, man, we are here for you, right?
Right. So, if you want us to stay open, I will fight you guys, I'll fight with you guys to the bitter. We'll fight with you guys to the bitter end. Until they shut us down.
We will roll through. But after I said what I said, they're all like, "No, you're right, we should stay closed. " Okay, cool. And we've set up things to do the next step if necessary.
Yeah. If we've got to do carry-out, to-go, drop delivery. Well, you know, you do what you can to navigate the times and you try and survive. I feel really bad for the retailers that are just completely shut the fuck down because that's happening, right?
Yeah. There are some states where they're not going in. California, you can't. Yeah.
Except for essential purposes or purchases or whatever it's called. It's true. Yeah. Some shop announced, I didn't catch where it was, but some shop on Facebook announced today that they are shut down until April 28th.
Yeah. I mean, they just can't do it anymore. I mean, holy shit, man. So, I don't know.
It just seems a little shellfish to me. Yeah, very right, Michael. That was tough to come to that decision. Oh, I'm sure it was.
But here we are. But here we are. " He's your boy? He is.
We're tight. What's he doing during the coronavirus? He's just probably smoking weed and hanging out. Somebody, you know who Jarell is?
I mean, I barely know who he is, but he... Ja Rule? Ja Rule, maybe that's what it is, Ja Rule. Ja Rule.
It's Ja Rule. Ja Rule sounds like. He's Superman's father. But he put out a tweet or something where he was hanging out or something if anybody needed him.
And somebody commented, well, we haven't needed you for the last 20 years, so. Doesn't matter where you're at. Oh, that's awesome. Like they're dying for a new rap song to come out.
Are we held up in my house in the Dominican Republic? Okay, you stay there. We're good. Hey, you're still alive.
Right, exactly. Awesome. Oh, it's just, it's just, the sound just clicked to the right now on me. Oh, I just, all sorts of things going on here.
Are they? You break it apart and put it back together, something's gonna happen. Hey, hey, it's the life we live. That's right.
All right, on with the news. There will be no cigars rolled in Honduras, uh, due to the, uh, concerns about the spread of the coronavirus COVID-19. Do you know why it's called COVID-19? Uh, cause it's the 19th one.
It's the 19th, yeah, it's, uh, China outbreak virus something, 19th time. There's 18 other viruses coming out of town. 18 prior have happened. Over the weekend, the Honduran government issued a ban on most workplaces and all gatherings of 50 or more people.
There are a variety of exceptions to this outright ban on workplaces, including ones at essential services, hospitals, banks, hotels, and restaurants that offer to-go services. As for the cigar industry, there are also exemptions for the agriculture industry, as well as cargo and transportation services, meaning that some work in the Honduras cigar industry will likely continue, But the rolling of cigars has stopped. What's crazy is, like, the deaths that are going to happen in Honduras and Nicaragua, in Haiti, like, this shit ain't going to be reported, you know. No, you're not going to know.
So you're going to hear, like, in China, I'm sure there was a lot more people dying than we ever heard. Because, I mean, if you're living in a grass shack with a dirt floor, they don't even know they have it, you know. He's dead. Grandpa died.
Yeah. Oh. So, like, the death toll is going to be so skewed in some of those areas, it's going to be crazy, you know. Currently, Honduras has only six confirmed cases, but the government is concerned over the ability of the country's health system to deal with a widespread outbreak.
Yeah, no shit. Effective this morning, or effective Sunday morning, the country closed its borders for travelers for at least seven days. The ban on travel will not affect cargo. Honduras is the fourth largest producer of premium cigars in the world.
The other three, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, and Nicaragua, are still in operation as of Sunday morning. Crazy. But, follow-up story, coronavirus has shut down the Dominican Republic cigar industry, too. Oh!
So now we're back to Cuba and Nicaragua. Oh, this is Friday. Virtually every sizable cigar factory in the country has shut down to the coronavirus. Those decisions were made by the factories themselves through the government, though the government did ask businesses throughout the country to consider shutting down earlier this week.
I went and checked my parents last Thursday. It's probably the last time I'm going to go over there for a while, just because of their age. Dad saw the tattoo on my arm, and Dad's got a little bit of dementia going on. " So I told him, so he watched the last episode.
Did he? On YouTube. Yeah, he loved it. He sat there and watched the entire thing.
Oh, that's amazing. " That's nice. So, yeah, that was kind of neat, and I never thought it would be something he would see. Right, and he praised you.
And he praised you, yeah, it was very nice. That was nice. Like in Honduras, where all cigar factories are closed, the closure means the end of most operations at the factories, though each will likely keep a select group of workers around for the processing of tobacco, security, and other essential tasks, many of those Dominican factory owners whose operations are still open told Half Wheel, as reported by Half Wheel, they expect to be shut down by the end of the week due to the government order or by their own choosing. Hmm.
So, skip shutdown? I haven't heard anything in Nicaragua. There's been no news. No, it's quiet rumblings as of late, but… The only thing I saw were that the schools have all closed in Nicaragua last week.
Really? Skip reported that from Skip News. Well, you know, I mean, I guess the good thing about Esteli is that it's kind of far away in its own kind of seclusion, right? They did say some businesses and restaurants are starting to close, too, though.
Yeah. I mean, the bad part is that... So I imagine that Pizza Hut's closed. That's it!
That's where I draw the line. The ice cream. You shut down the Pizza Hut. Ridiculous.
Ridiculous. Where, where's everybody gonna eat Nestle? It's the one place. Think that's through Mesa with Darren?
Oh, I don't know. I've never been. Oh, yeah. It's good.
The 2020 edition of the Texas Cigar Festival is the latest event to be postponed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Dun, dun, dun. As Casa de Monte Cristo has announced that the event is being postponed until August 8th, the retailer cited a directive by the city of Houston. Advising people to avoid large groups, particularly where people would be in close contact with others.
Well, why can't you just put a mask in the fucking sampler bag? I guess you could. Right? You give your little trick-or-treats of cigars?
Give everybody like a hula hoop to wear around them and don't come inside my space? This is your own personal bubble. Stay right in here. All right, let's see.
VIP people get the bubble. The regular buyers just get the mask. As always, we believe it is the role and responsibility to prioritize the well-being of our guests. He's a Texas guy.
Our associates and our communities, the company said in an email, following the guidance of public health officials and government agencies, including the city of Houston, Center for Disease Control, and the World Health Organization, the WHO, we're taking the precautionary steps. The event has been rescheduled August 8th, and tickets will automatically transfer. So if you bought a ticket, it will transfer. Hey.
Over to the new date with no action required. com by May 30th, 2020. So if you can't go, get that in. That's also kind of funny.
So as of right now, everybody's pushing everything back to the end of the year. August, September, October, November. Real busy. Real busy.
As of right now. As of right now, correct. Because, I mean, what happens if it continues past that point? So, you got to get to a, you have to come to a point where you're like, ah, fuck it, I guess we just got to write it off this year and just move on and start prepping for next year, right?
Well, Adrian was supposed to take a test that she has to pass to become a principal next fall. Now, we don't know if any of that's going to happen at all, but the test was originally scheduled for this past weekend. Obviously, it was canceled. Right.
She got an email that was canceled. The system shows she was absent for the test, so she went to sign up last night for the next available test, which is April 28th, which is kind of close, but she has not received the refund from the first test, so we had to pay for the second test, so now we're at a substantial amount of money if this doesn't happen, if that refund doesn't come back soon. Well, that sucks. Yes.
" So no home sales. I don't know how that plays out. If Aura is out of the equation, it just means that they won't be able to... Is that like the National Organization of Central Florida Realtors?
Yeah, it's like where you go to get your electronic lock boxes, if you have a problem or an inquiry, they're just shut down. So there's got to be people that have closing dates that are in this area that we're in now. Right. Now does that, I know somebody in my neighborhood closed on a house last night.
As of right now, so what I, when I spoke to somebody who works at the clerk of courts, apparently they're, they have a skeleton crew there handling certain transactions. Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, I could imagine, you know, shit, you really want to fucking, you really want this place to go south, stop all home transactions as well. Right.
You know? Yeah. " Well, they billed me, but what am I going to do? They're a small business.
Hey, I want my... I can't... I don't know if I'm like... I understand that they got bills to pay, too.
I'm not going to fucking... Yeah, Adrian's on the phone trying to call these different places and I'm like, honey, there ain't nobody there, or there's one person there. It's insane. So like, I'm not gonna, how do I crush that?
I mean, realistically, I'd rather wait and approach it when the dust settles and see exactly how bad this is and like, hey, listen, I happily paid when everybody else was probably yelling at you, why don't you just let this week go? Yeah, just let this month go here. Just, you know, give me a slide. I don't know, man.
Crazy. Crazy. It's the unknowing is the biggest problem right now. I mean, if they do lock us down, how long are we going to be locked down?
Just got to put in the work, man, every day. Do what you can, every day. That's it. That's it.
All right. We're at 26 minutes here. We're going to take a little break. Break time.
We'll go right back and finish this up. Be right back. Hey, it's Mike too. Want to be part of the show?
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Thank you for sticking with us here during our break. We'll see. Because of the spread of COVID-19, the Florida Keys, Michael, are officially closed to all tourists and leisure visitors. Monroe County officials announced Sunday that the Keys are closed.
Yeah, a lot of old people are in the Keys. I get it. Well, okay. I probably shouldn't make this public knowledge, but my family's zombie plan with my boys and everybody is the Keys.
We go down there, and we hold the line at one of the bridges. Seven-mile bridge is like the stopping point figure. So you wipe everything out south of the – I guess it's south. I don't even know.
South of the Seven-mile bridge. And you blow it up. Right, exactly. There's that little island halfway across, the little thing there.
So you blow it up right before that, and then you can put somebody right there on that island to hold the bridge. That's brilliant. But now we can't get there. My zombie plan is a totally different zombie plan.
I'm going the other direction. You're going north? Well, they do say in the cold, zombies are a bit slower. Ah, okay.
I'm really hoping for the Walking Dead zombies, not the World War Z zombies. Those fuckers are fast in World War Z. Yeah, no, no. Yes, or not the 28 Days Later zombies either, they're faster than the other guys.
Yeah, I'm going to a friend's house that's very secluded, he knows who he is. Oh, up in the woods somewhere. Yes, up in the woods somewhere. Your brother must be on the same plane, 'cause actually your brother told me his plan was isolation as much as possible.
He doesn't know this person. So you're not taking him with you? He's staying here. Oh.
One of us has got to go. Oh, I have a small team organized of individuals. The ban does not include rentals for those actively engaged in projects in Moreau County. " All right.
Moreau County residents and workers from the mainland do not need a re-entry stick. or as of Sunday night. So if you live there, you get a special pass to put in your window. Oh, good.
So if you don't have the pass, you shall not pass. I can Photoshop that shit in two seconds. You won't know what it looks like. Let me see a picture of that.
Let me see a picture of it. There are currently no roadblocks or check-in stations on US-1 in the Florida city. Oh, in Florida city. That's where they're stopping, right at the top.
Because the order is issued because of concerns for the coronavirus. There are no plans to close US-1 at this time, but it is being re-evaluated daily, officials said. There is no restriction for homeowners, workers' deliveries to come and go. There is no lodge available for leisure visitors.
Number, Florida-related coronavirus, oh, this is the next story. You know, the funny part is, too, though, like, people can't resist to just, if they're, like, a left-wing or a right-wing person, like, and, you know, we all have those friends on Facebook that have just fucking always berated and, you know, say this one particular thing about one particular politician. A lot of guys can't resist to just sling shit about what's going on with the stimulus package or something like that. " I was watching the governor's speech or something yesterday on Facebook, or I've been today on Facebook.
I had to stop watching because of all the comments coming in at the bottom. Holy shit, people! Oh, half the people are yelling about, you know, we should kill all the Chinese, or people were complaining that the guy's too expressive doing the sign language. I'm like, get over, just listen to the man!
Just shut up! Just calm down. Calm down! I'm sorry the guy's so expressive when he's doing the sign language, but he's evidently into it.
This guy makes me uncomfortable. Guys make me uncomfortable. Look at him, I don't see people doing that out in public. Waving those hands around like that, what if he has the disease on his hands?
S. " Yeah, it makes sense. According to the latest numbers from Florida Department of Health. Tests are coming in.
Six, well, we only have 150 tests in the state of Florida, so I don't know how they decided to get it. Right. Orange County, no way, I'm sorry. Orange County had 150 tests.
And they opened a drive-through testing service today. So what, the first 150 people? Yeah, it's kind of like when you get in the new PlayStation. Like, you gotta wait, you gotta camp out.
You gotta camp out and get a line. You gotta wait overnight. Well, they purposely did not announce the location of the drive-through testing place, because for that reason, they didn't want people lining up that way. That's smart.
If you're not sick, don't go get the test. Yeah. And then how long is the test good for? Well, it's confirmed that you have it.
Okay, so now what am I supposed to do? Go the fuck home. Go home. Exactly.
There are two naval hospitals, one's pulling up off the coast of California, and one's pulling off into New York Harbor to help with the overflow of the sick people. Yeah, that's the biggest issue is, you know, taking care of everybody. Well, we've got Barbard County here down in Miami where the most people are sick. I mean, the one good thing about Florida is we have a lot of old people, so we have a lot of medical things here.
Oh, I thought you were going to say so. They're all going to die off. No, no. God, I hope not.
Well, I mean, you know, we have, we, I feel like, I feel like this is one of the states where we have a lot of hospitals and shit. You think so? Do we have enough? Probably not.
Probably not. But, you know, I feel like. Then I saw one video where a doctor was showing how the test is done, so they stick it in your nose a little bit and they swab it around, pull it out. Then I saw a video on Facebook where they did it and they had like a cutaway of a human head.
They showed that thing going like halfway down the person's throat. Oh, that's lovely. To deter people from wanting to get the test. Here's what happens: they pull your pants down, they stick it right up in the pee hole, and then they -- in and out, in and out!
I'm gonna pass on the -- I'll just wait and see! You know what, I'll just -- I'm a healthy person. I'll wait it out. m.
update Sunday night, that was last night, the FDOH reported 1,007 confirmed cases in Florida residents and 70 confirmed cases in non-Florida residents. How did they get in? Hey! Hey!
You need to go back! You're fucking this up for us! Oh, they did the math for you. Totally 937 Florida-related cases.
If you carry the one, subtract them. How does that work? 107 confirmed cases in Florida, 70 non-residents. Isn't that 1,077?
I don't know. The department was also reporting an addition-- I'm not getting my abacus for this one. --to death Sunday related to COVID-19. Oh, an additional death.
This marks the first fatality in Palm Beach County from the virus. Health officials said there have been 13 deaths in Florida coronavirus cases, so a total of 13. About half of the state's coronavirus cases have been reported in South Florida or Broward, Miami-Dade, and Palm Beach counties, according to the FDOH, so don't go in there. " Oh, I'm kidding, that dumbass is coming in from out of state, and what, nine of them, what did they say, nine of the spring breakers tested positive once I got one?
Oh, good. That's nice, yes. Remember, also show that more than 60% of patients with COVID-19 in Florida are less than 69 years old, including two cases in children less than nine years old, according to a health department. The first dog died of it in Hong Kong, too, so your dog can get it.
The dog can get it? In Hong Kong. I mean, if my dogs go, they've got to go. It's been a good run.
We've had them for a while. My wife's already told me we don't eat the dogs. We don't eat the dogs? I'm pouring barbecue sauce on their food, so they're getting basted from the inside out.
Nice. S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, older individuals and those with preexisting health conditions are most at risk for becoming critically ill from respiratory disease. S.
coronavirus cases require hospitalization was more widespread regardless of age. Uh-oh. So the WHO says it's not... The CDC, not the WHO.
Oh, not the CDC. Not the World Health Organization. That's all the news I got. Okay.
So I can tell you one thing that we have done at the house is now I go solo to get the groceries. Yes, we go out solo if somebody has to go out. It's still at this point. Someone always stays home.
Yeah. I mean, there's no sense in bringing more than one person. Just go get the stuff and get out. Right.
Don't load everybody up. I imagine your kids don't go anywhere. No, they don't. So I have my own ritual when I go out into the world.
You and Brittany fighting over her, who goes, I'll go, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll go, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, you went last time, it's my turn. No, she's got asthma, so like. Oh, it's a pre-existing condition. Possibly, so, you know, let's do what we can here.
Look at you, you're so big and healthy. Yeah, I'm thriving over here. With the home gym and the pull-ups and the dipping. Hey, you gotta adapt, man.
The 90 dumbbells. You gotta find the way to keep it going. Right, so I did push-ups the other day. Oh, did you?
Just one day. And I'm tired. Whew, that was boring. So I went to Costco, and I have a ritual when I get home, all my clothes come off, and I jump in the shower, and I don't know if that helps or whatever, but I feel like I'm putting in an effort.
Right. So take one of the suits home. We're burning through soap. See, I went and bought extra laundry detergent and stuff.
That was one of the things I bought. You're very wise. Nice. So I'm doing my shopping, and this guy kind of fucking freaked me out.
He looks straight out of Breaking Bad. He comes in in an all-white, hazard, hazmat gear. I have yet to run into any of those people. I took a picture of it when he was further away, and he's got, like, a mask on with a real respirator, like, and gloves, like, to the gills.
He was just picking up milk. I swear to God, he was just buying milk. It was insane. And, like, I bailed on my shopping cart.
" Is this the guy in the suit? Yeah. Is he going to kill you? He might have.
He looks big, a lot of meat on that one. I don't know who he is, you know, you can't tell. Can't tell. You give the script to the police, he was wearing a white suit with a respirator.
I'm like, "Okay, could you draw him? " Sure. Respirator. It's a white...
Sir, this is a ghost. Was he, could you say, could you tell me what his ethnicity was? " The eyes, sir. What did the eyes look like?
Everything was, I didn't want to make eye contact. I was afraid to look at him. So yeah, that was interesting. When I was at Target, I'm walking, you know, I didn't want to get a cart, because they're not washing the carts at Target.
Publix, there's a guy right out front, you know. They're doing the white. Right. So I did have to break down.
You would think at Target they'd handle it. You know, like, Target is like the bougie grocery store, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They still had plenty of frozen food, so I was like, well, something happened right there.
We have no more room in the freezer. But, you know, I'm walking around and, you know, you're watching people, you know, don't touch me. How do you deter business? We're not going to clean the carts.
Fuck 'em. But wait, though. It gets better now. Okay, so one old lady did cough right into her hand and then grabbed her cart and was like, never touching the carts again at Target.
That's not happening. And I don't need to go down that island where I'm going over here. But, as I left, they only have self-checkout, that's really the only thing open. Right.
But, as you get done, there is a lady that, not to be ethnic, but she's kind of dressed like Aunt Jemima, but she's not a black woman, she had the hair, you know, pulled back in the thing, she had a turtleneck on and everything, she had a glove and everything, as soon as you're done doing the self-checkout she squirts it down, wipes it off, and then waits on the next person. So, they don't care if you get it coming in, but don't leave it there when you leave. Let's make sure that this is clean. Let's make sure this is clean.
There's one thing. One thing. Tons of people at Home Depot yesterday. Lot of home and gardening going on.
But everybody's supposed to be saving their money. The economy's supposed to be bad. But, I mean, there was a guy buying a pallet of stones to make it look like he was building a new patio or something, or buying lawn equipment. Look, man, here's the deal.
Shrubs and stuff. Here's the fucking deal. Not only is the honeydew list building up, but if you don't go do this shit, you're gonna get divorced. Divorce.
I mean, you're stuck in a room by yourself with your spouse, and there's nothing going on. You don't have, you're not providing income anymore. I mean, you better get out there and fucking take care of the goddamn garden. Well, I did get my man cave back.
The garage has now been given back to me, and I'm all set up. Yeah, why don't you just smoke outside? Well, she smoked, I bought her a jar of the Trader Jacks because she likes those, so she has plenty of cigars. So she smokes on the back patio, I smoke in the garage.
That's nice. Because I can watch TV, I got a TV out there. And then you guys meet for dinner in the kitchen. Right.
And I have the air conditioner that I bought from here years ago, so, I mean, I'm all set up. Hey, life is good. Life is good there, yeah. She's like, "I never see you anymore," because I have my room.
It was the whole idea of making it, so, you know, I don't have to watch "The Housewives of Beverly Hills" 17 times tonight. Look, I'm just social distancing it up. " So, I really haven't had time to kind of play Call of Duty with the modern warfare. Yeah, so...
I'm playing it on my phone, like, all the time. Really? Yeah. So, you know, and the RomoCraft guys are obviously really good at it.
Yeah. So, my son and I have been taking turns, you know, I'm impressed with my game. I've really stepped it up. I'm like this close to breaking down and buying an Xbox.
Oh, really? Getting really close, but that's, what, 300 bucks? I don't know where they cost. You should totally do it.
But what's really cool is, you know, I consider Call of Duty a form of stay-at-home learning with my son. Oh, for the educational purposes. Yeah, we start breaking down statistics and kill-death ratios. Oh.
Like, yeah. So, you know, if you have 10 kills and 5 deaths, what's your ratio? It tells you a lot at the end, too, doesn't it? It does.
It does. Oh. So, we can verify. We have the solution.
We can check. It's amazing. Okay. It's amazing.
He likes the bigger guns, stuff that he does. He doesn't have to reload. Oh, certainly, yeah. You can just walk around and merc people.
I'm like, and he's like, what do you think of this gun? I'm like, son, all I can tell you is that as long as you have a positive kill-death ratio, you're doing fine. I was like, okay. See, I'm even social distancing you on Call of Duty.
There's teams of four. So there's three other guys running around. So I always make sure I get a sniper rifle, and I go up on top of the mountain, and I just cover them from up top. Like, no, no, don't come up, I'm fine.
Don't come up here. Six feet, six feet. Don't even touch my little man, I'm fine. I feel like that's where you start.
Like, you start far away and, you know, you kind of start to assess the situation, kind of learn patterns and where people run and stuff like that. Well, the game on the phone, the area shrinks. So the game keeps moving. Oh, you're playing Warzone.
Yeah. Well, your choices are Warzone or some other thing on the phone. Yeah, so it's Warzone. So it keeps shrinking.
So as long as the area is still big, I'm up on top of the mountain, by myself with a screwdriver. Gotcha. I'll cover you guys from up here. Smoking a cigar.
Go ahead. Yes, smoking a cigar. You just go. Go ahead.
You just go. As long as I kill more than there are left when I die, I'm doing okay. Oh, hey, I ranked in the top 50. Hey, I'm getting very good at it.
I might have to take up snipering as a hobby. I'm going to have to take some lessons from you about Warzone. I haven't played that part yet. Oh.
Put it on your phone. We can play together. When your son is doing his time? No, I'm Warzoning.
I'm Warzoning with Palmer, with Mr. Palmer. I wonder if I can download that part for the Switch. I don't know.
I've tried to put it on the Apple, but... Didn't work? Doesn't work. Goddammit.
Can't put it on the computer. Alright, we're at 41 minutes, I've got nothing. Oh, what? Where's your gong?
Oh, the gong's at home. Son of a... I've got a Listener of the Week. Oh, well, Listener of the Week is...
Who is Listener of the Week? I'll hit my bank can. I don't know his last name, but his name is Ryan. Oh, Remarkable Ryan, or New Ryan, or the guy that's been hanging out here.
Yeah. Oh, Ryan, you Listener of the Week? Yeah. Oh, that was good.
Sorry about that, Ryan. That was good. Yeah, he started, you know, he's been ready. He started coming in here right before the apocalypse.
Right before the apocalypse. Apops. Apops. Apops.
Apops. Apops. Apops. Oh, finally you messed up a big word.
Yeah, right before the apocalypse. And he's been an avid listener. Yes, yes, he did tell me that when he was in here. I didn't realize that's who he was when he was in that first day.
And I probably, because he's also joined the Cigar Club. Look at that. So, yes. Crushing it.
Crushing it. So, hey, Listener of the Week. Ryan. Ryan.
Sorry, Ryan. We owe you a gonging. Sorry. You'll get a gonging at the next one.
Yeah, she'll get a gonging on the next one. All right. All right. We'll keep doing these as long as we can.
Yeah. Watch for us on Zoom. We're Zooming all the time now, apparently. We're going to do as long.
Yeah, we're going to do Zoom cigar chats and virtual hearths and stuff like that. We'll post that up on our group pages and stuff when they come on, when they become active. And, um, there, I mean, there are going to be times where I'll just turn it on so that other people can meet up, I can't commit to eight hours of just hanging out in front of the camera, but I do want to make the group available so that everybody else can kind of come and go as they please. Um, and it's capped at a hundred people.
If we ever have a problem where that capacity becomes an issue, I'll buy the next step up, I guess. But, oh, you can do that? Yeah. Is there a, is there a cap total?
I mean, you're paying $7,000 a month, do you get 7,000 people, or? I don't, I think that there's an, another tier and i think it goes it goes up significantly so probably to 500 i would imagine or a thousand i think i don't think we'll ever get a thousand yeah i mean we're getting like 12 yeah and then there's like an enterprise where like you can just talk to people or something and then you can the sky's the limit like 10 000 people or something i don't think we need all that one million people yes all right guys everybody just jumped real quick everybody stay safe Social distancing, wash your hands. Yep. Don't touch your face.
Do your part. Order cigars online. Mail still runs, as far as I know. Yes.
Amazon still comes. You can get a job. Oh, Publix has announced people stop binge buying things. We're fine, except for the toilet paper.
I don't know. Why can't we get toilet paper? Because a lot of people bought the toilet paper. Who makes toilet paper?
Where does that come from? I don't think it's a supply issue. I think it's a people are crazy. Distribution?
Yeah. So you think like there is none to get? No, I think there's plenty to get. Plenty to get.
Yeah. Ah. Down in Fort Myers, they did say they have toilet paper again, but it's only by two. You get the two rolls.
I got the wrong. Well, the two packs, not two rolls. Yesterday, McDonald's was not putting napkins in the bags. We were gonna do DoorDash last night, so we're looking, but where we live, it was fast food.
So I figured, what the fuck, I might as well just go get it. Save the delivery fee. Well, I heard they've been waiving a lot of those delivery fees. Yeah, I did get that message in the beginning, but, you know, 35, 40-minute wait for McDonald's when I can get there and back in 20.
Right. Didn't seem practical, and there was nobody in line at McDonald's, I thought I'd be sitting there forever, nobody in line. No, people are starting to stay home. Yeah.
So. Yeah. Except for Home Depot. Except for.
Got to do those yard, we got to do those yard projects. Where are my pink flowers? Yes. We're still in the middle of the remodel.
Yes. They've run out of supply, so they had to special order, because apparently you can't get whatever it is they need. So we're down to one room. I think that's a bullshit move.
Yeah, I think so. " Wait a second. The plane's not broken. Oh, we had, speaking of that real quick, we had friends that went to Hawaii.
They already had it all planned and everything, so they went to Hawaii. No problems getting everything, it was right before everything started. And they're stuck. Well, no, they got back, but to get back, so it was, I think they had to fly from Hawaii to California, California to Ohio, Ohio to like North or South Carolina or something.
And then a plane there, back to Orlando. Almost took as long as their entire trip. Wow. Ferry boat?
Yeah, just because there's not regular flights going anywhere. So it was, you know, where can you get me to where I can get on the next plane? And at some point, Delta picked them up at the terminal in a Delta car and drove them somewhere to pick up another flight. Wow.
So they must have like a lot of miles, I'm thinking. A lot of perks with this clear-out, so. Wow. All right, well, hey, we got to get to work.
All right, I got to get back home before curfew. All right. Self-imposed curfew. Be safe, everybody.
All right, guys, everybody's safe. Bye. The Cigar Hustlers podcast, its owners and its sponsors take no responsibility for the opinions or statements made by the talk show host or their guest. Statements or show topics are not necessarily the beliefs of Mike and Mike Productions or the podcast providers, And opinions between talk show hosts may differ.
It is not our intention to libel, incite, or hurt anyone's feelings. We invite you to write the show's host, Mike Szczepankewicz, with any feedback or suggestions that you have for their shows. These broadcasts are presented and made public as entertainment in the hope that they will be entertaining to the audience. This has been a Cigar Hustlers podcast, a Mike and Mike production.
m. for all new episodes. Hi, I'm doing, I'm Husto-I-Raw. Yeah, we just don't have to do a single, uh, single podcast ever again.
Perfect. I'm good, Mike and Mike. How are you guys doing? The Hojo, the...
Hojo! It's the Hojo! Demandre... You didn't even let him fuck it up all the way.
I can't get past Hojo! I don't even have to try anything. He's not even going to try. We're going to cover a lot of ground here, Mike.
All right. Try to keep up. That's a sign of a good podcast. It could be like four cigars when I walked in a door.
All right, end this.
Show Notes
Everything Virus and cigars! How Mikey is working out and what Mike too is watching on Netflix!
All this and more on episode 114
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