Episode 31 Hector J Alfonso Part 2
Episode Summary
Part two of the Cigar Hustlers Podcast sit-down with Hector Alfonso Sr. of Espinosa Cigars picks up where part one left off, opening with a Malcolm Gladwell-flavored riff on how a cigar put in the right hands can start a movement — which is exactly what happened with Espinosa's Laranja and its Cigar Aficionado recognition. Hector also pays respect to Erik Espinosa's persistence, recounting how Erik was burned multiple times in the industry (distribution deals gone wrong, a manufacturer who shorted him) and rebuilt each time.
The bulk of the episode is Hector's life story outside of tobacco. He walks through joining the U.S. Army at 17 after his parents' divorce, basic training at Fort Jackson, a 15-month tour with 2nd Infantry Division in Korea's DMZ, and an assignment to the field artillery at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, where he lost some hearing. After deciding against re-enlistment, he returned to Miami and spent a career with Miami-Dade law enforcement: computer analyst, gang unit, internal affairs, and finally Homeland Security intelligence work covering Cuba, the Caribbean and Central America. He explains how he used the Evo Morales visits to Cuba and Venezuela to conclude Hugo Chávez was dead days before it was announced, and why he correctly predicted Fidel Castro's death would bring celebration rather than unrest in Hialeah and Westchester.
The back half turns to the show's standard five questions. Hector picks Pete Rose as the person he'd most like to smoke with (with a long tangent on Chipper Jones, Mantle, Marino and Shula), Jack Ryan as his fictional pick, and names the Espinosa Murcielago as his favorite of his own brand — plus heavy praise for RoMa Craft's Neanderthal and Skip Martin's operation. He also credits Danny Vasquez as "the plug," riffs on who'd win a knife fight between AJ Fernandez and Erik Espinosa, and gives a shameless plug to a retailer he calls the ideal cigar-nerd shop owner.
The conversation closes with industry gossip about an online blowup involving a Developing Palate editorial, Jack Duranian and Skip Martin, Hector's warehouse-tour horror stories (the guy who talked in the third person, the guy who spent three hours sniffing molds and pilónes), fantasy football league politics, and where to find Hector online.
In This Episode
- 01Getting a Cigar in the Right HandsHector applies Malcolm Gladwell's tipping-point idea to cigars and how Espinosa's Laranja broke through to Cigar Aficionado recognition.
- 02Respect for Erik Espinosa's PersistenceThe story of Erik being burned three times by distributors and manufacturers — and rebuilding each time.
- 03Joining the Army at 17Divorce, an early high school exit, a supermarket job, and enlisting: basic at Fort Jackson and a freezing tour with 2nd Division in Korea.
- 04Field Artillery at Fort SillLife in a combat arms unit in Lawton, Oklahoma, hearing loss, MLRS, and why he turned down re-enlistment options in Korea, Turkey and Berlin.
- 05Miami-Dade: Gangs, Internal Affairs and Homeland IntelA career from computer analyst to gang unit to five friendless years in internal affairs, then writing intelligence papers on the Caribbean.
- 06Calling Chávez and CastroHow the Evo Morales visits tipped him off that Hugo Chávez was dead, and why Castro's death brought celebration rather than unrest in Miami.
- 07The Five QuestionsPete Rose, Jack Ryan, and the Espinosa Murcielago — plus his love for RoMa Craft's Neanderthal and knowing 'the plug.'
- 08Retailers, Industry Drama and FootballPraise for cigar-nerd shop owners, the Developing Palate editorial dust-up, factory-tour horror stories, and Dolphins/Bucs talk.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
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Transcript
Every day I'm hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin'. Every day I'm hustlin', every day I'm hustlin', every day I'm hustlin'. Welcome to Cigar Hustlers Podcast, Episode 32. This is part two of the Hector Alfonso Senior interview.
Sit back, relax, and get ready for the show. Hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', hustlin', every day I'm, every day I'm, every day I'm, every day I'm, every day I'm, I'm a big fan of that, uh, a sociologist who wrote a book about the tipping point. Uh, Gladwell. Malcolm Gladwell talks about putting- Outliers, he does like- Yeah, the right thing in the right hand in the right person.
He talks about if you get the right cigar, and I look at it cigar ways, you put the cigar in the right person's hands, who can put it in the other person's hands, who can put it in the other person's hands, who can put it in, and they can, they can start a movement. Right. And that's- You know, and that's what we're hoping for, I mean, that's what we're hoping, we hoped for that with Laurentia, and it worked out, I mean, you know, next thing you know, we're getting, we got rated on Cigar Aficionado. And Eric's wearing everything fucking orange under the sun.
And he, did you see the year he, he, he dyed his goatee orange? He had his goatee? No shit. Yeah, he looked, oh, that was, I don't have words for that.
And I'm hardly ever at a loss for words. I looked at him, I went, what? He goes, I just don't know what to tell you. i don't know whether i laugh at you i don't know whether i laugh at you feel bad for you i mean what's what's what's this what's going on there he goes no it's a little dye i go it looks mangy bro because you know it's gray hair nothing when you dye gray hair what do you get right oxide you get you get it so uh rusty it does but rusty that you know and but he is a good egg man you know eric yeah for sure let me tell you something let me tell you something about that guy I respect that guy because he has been shit on, minimum, three times in this industry, minimum, and I know he's not a guy to drop names, but I don't give a shit, the guy who was making his, he was, he had, he distributed, he was having a cigar distributed by Miami Cigar, that didn't work out, then he had Rocky distribute a cigar, and they put those Crayola bands on the cigar, that didn't work out.
And then the guy making his cigars for him, shit on him. And that guy is not going to mention his name just because, you know, I don't feel like answering letters that are signed and registered. So, that guy, that guy shit on him. And like a phoenix, he's kind of risen from the ashes three times.
Well, the persistence is kind of what defines you, right? Yeah, but you look at him and you're like, "Dude, I would have given up. I'm going to tell you, I would have given up after the first time they shit on me and that's it. You know, scat's not my thing.
I'm out. I can't get the corn out of my hair. I don't know what this guy ate before he shit on me, but I can't get it out of my hair. But he is persistent, you know?
I have a lot of respect for that. I'm going to pull you all the way back to when you were younger. So, what did you do exactly in the Army? And what the fuck made you want to join the Army?
My parents had gotten divorced when I was 15. It was tough. My dad had met another woman, left my mother. I have a brother with Down Syndrome.
He has special needs. So my mother didn't take the separation or divorce very well, in the sense of, you know, it was whenever he came to see my brother or I would go over there, it was war. I just couldn't deal with that. So I got out of high school early.
I went to summer school to finish early. I was working at a supermarket, a Spanish chain supermarket in Miami. I was 17. " Right, so that's something you wanted to do your whole life.
And I'm a super nationalist. I really am. I'm, you know, you'll run across guys in the industry who will say that they're Cuban or Cuban-American. I'm American.
I'm American. I was born in this country. You know, I have a, I'm very nationalist. I'm very, I'm very, since I was young, I've always been very pro-nationalist.
So I'm like, well, you know what? I'll join the army. I had just seen stripes. I like what Oxenberger said.
You know, "Hey, they got a diet plan. " You know, fine. I figured, "Hey, you know what? " And I joined the Army.
I joined the Army at 243 pounds. No shit. Yeah. And I shouldn't have gone to basic.
I was overweight, but I guess the recruiter was desperate. I guess he was short on people at Marcos. So I'm in. So I leave in March for Fort Jackson, South Carolina.
And I figured it's March, like in March in Miami when it was 80 degrees. It was 40 fucking degrees, unfortunately, Columbia, and I was not ready for that kind of cold. It was the first time I had seen cold since I was like a little kid in New Jersey. So I got to basic, man, and I'm having a hard time, bro.
It's hard, and I was 17, I was the youngest guy in my company for sure. I don't know about the brigade, but in my company I was the youngest guy for sure. So I was like 17 and three quarters. I still had four months before I was 18.
So, I went through BASIC, and then my job skill was Signal Security, I was in the Signal Corps. So, we were using a version of online, you know, sending stuff online remotely in the '80s. So, my first duty assignment is Korea, I get sent to 2nd Division, which is up in the DMZ. And, you know, I want to tell you it was cold, but even that's an understatement, it was, it was, I didn't see my dick or cock for at least three weeks, it was just, and I was young too, I mean, I was swinging, I just couldn't, it was just freezing up there, there was not enough for me to put on, it was just so damn cold, and then I get, I get lucky that I get sent south to finish the rest of my tour, I spent 15 months in Korea.
Then it's time to leave the country, I leave the country, I got married, I met a nice Korean girl, spoke English, she was a college student, I have a son now, he's 32, he's a policeman in Miami-Dade as well, he works for Miami-Dade as well, he's been on four years now, and I know he's tired of it, and I met another friend of yours dad, and I said, well, you know, I've been around a long time, it's gonna happen probably, at least another 10 years, you're gonna have that till I'm gone, and you know, then people will know who you are, and then somebody's gonna walk to me and say, oh, you're Alfonso's dad. Well, they know that. That's what I'm looking for. So, it's time to come stateside, and I figure, well, maybe I'll go back to the Signal area, which at the time was Fort Gordon, or Fort Huachuca.
I get sent to Fort Sill, Oklahoma, which is in Lawton, Oklahoma. Have you ever heard of Lawton, Oklahoma? No. I have, actually.
But I don't know why. Nope? Okay, well, more people are with you than you. Lawton's like the second largest city in Oklahoma, Oklahoma City being the first.
They have Will Rogers International Airport. Oh, no shit. They had like a Mexican charter plane landed there once. It's international.
Fuck out of here. What are you waiting for on the plane? There's a cow on the tarmac. And how did you guys not see that?
Because there's nothing you can see for miles but corn. Right. And we get, you know, it was awful. It was awful because it was the home of the field artillery.
That's where I lost a little bit of my hearing. Because those guys, they have to blow everything up. You have guys that make fun of the material. You have tread heads, you have armor, you have gun bunnies, which are the artillery guys, you have grunts, which are infantrymen, but artillery guys are special because they, they're pissed off if you call their gun a tank, because it looks like a tank, but it has a gun, and then, you know, when they go to the field, the guy with the cleanest gun gets penalized, so everybody has to bring their fucking guns back filthy, and, you know, and you're out there, and it's artillery, I mean, it's boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you know, that's all you hear in the field.
Right before I got out, they had introduced a thing called Multiple Launch Rocket System, which is these big-ass behemoth trucks that would turn, and they would shoot these missiles. It was cool as shit. I mean, you don't want to fuck with an artillery battery, but they will ruin your day, but after being in a combat arms unit, I figured maybe I'll get a support group. No, right back to combat arms, right back to the artillery.
So, my son's born, re-enlistment time comes up. " I don't know. What? Can you say it again?
Well, I thought about it, because it was 1988. It was 1987, I'm sorry. Well, they do everything they can to convince you to stay, right? Well, sure.
" He goes, "Well, let's see. " Negative. Because once you go back to Korea, you go back to Second Division. So, don't want to do that.
Right. You can go to Turkey. Hold on a second. Yeah, no.
What do you do in Turkey? Turkey. Oh, you're out on a mountain site. Listen to Russians.
I don't speak Russian. No, that's not a good idea. Your third assignment is a direct assignment to Berlin Brigade in Germany. Berlin Brigade in Germany?
My buddy's in Germany. That's pretty cool. I'm looking at West Germany. I'm like, where's Berlin?
I can't find it. It's over here in East Germany. I said, no, I'm going home. I'm done.
I'm done. Did my time. Thank you. Always leave on a high note.
Good night. So I went back Go back to Miami. Tip your wages, everybody. Everybody tip your waitress.
Thank you. Please buy the DVDs and the VCR tapes in the front. So I leave and go back to Miami and I immediately apply to work for law enforcement. You know, work in Miami.
There were some recruiters who had come by because they were analysts, the criminal analysts were, it was a new position. The guys who intelligence work was not, it was an army stuff, it was an army thing, not really a law enforcement thing at the time. No, computers hadn't come into their own, so when you had Intel guys working at a big police department, maybe New York City, maybe Chicago, not Miami-Dade, even though we were like, at the time we were 9th or 10th largest, 8th or 9th largest, we're 10th now, Houston has passed us by, Houston has a huge police department, so we, you know, I apply and I get a job and, you know, I'm a computer rat for a couple of years, and then my first big gig in the Intel thing came when I get assigned to gangs. And gangs was great.
I mean, gangs had never really a gang problem in Miami. There's still not a gang problem in Miami, because they took care of it early. But we also enforced gangs in a different way down there. I mean, we used to.
I don't know what they do now. I've been out of it for more than 10 years. Where in the old days, in some places, I'm sorry, in some places, they only target gang members. We target everybody.
And if there's a gang member in there, well, great. But we, you know, you target high crime areas, because that's where you're going to find gang members. So we were very recognized. We did a lot of great work, a lot of national recognition.
We had awards and all that other bullshit. But after six years, new people come in, and they want to reinvent the wheel. And you sit there and you go, this works. Look at the plaques.
Look at the plaques. Look at the numbers. We're doing something right. No, no, we want to do long-term cases.
Long-term cases don't work here. We don't have long-term problems. We have short-term problems. That's how it's going to be.
Well, I'm going to find a home. Well, you just can't leave like that. I've been on a long time and I've done favors to a lot of people. Hold on, I'm going to go somewhere.
So I called the guy who was like my godfather. I said, hey, it's time for me to leave gang. So he goes, where do you want to go? Right.
I heard there's an opening in internal affairs. He goes, all right. So three weeks later, I was there. And I had a great time there.
No shit. I didn't have any friends for five years. Nobody likes you anymore. But, you know, you'd walk into the restaurant and everybody would walk out.
What the fuck? What the fuck happened there? It's like IRS. You know, the secret squirrel squad, oh, the rats are here.
You know what? Yeah. If you were dirty, yeah. But if you were clean, you had nothing to worry about.
I used to tell guys, what do you worry about? If you saw us, you're fine. It's when you don't see us. Oh, exactly.
Yeah. It's when you don't see us that you should be worried. Don't see us, you should worry. So, you know, after six, seven years, six years there, and it was, you know, same thing.
They bring in some other people. They haven't any idea. Regime change. Regime change.
I was already working with Eric, and I was not, you know, I needed something that I could He worked days, really early in the morning, and then gave my afternoons to him, so I got a chance to go work in Homeland, which is pretty much just writing. Writing papers, you know, writing white papers, writing precision papers, writing bulletins and analysis, and they gave me the Caribbean, Central America, Cuba, the Caribbean, and, you know, I go to Nicaragua once every three months, so it's all, you know, I'm in the know, so I spend my day looking online and reading the blogs. And the Homeland aspect for us is how do things, as a local police department working with the FBI and Homeland, who are the overseers of this program, how do these incidents outside affect Miami? So the two biggest ones at the time were Venezuela.
What happens if something happens to Chavez? " I said, "Look," and, you know, maybe this is boring, I don't need to be boring, but we did a, I used the, oh my god, it doesn't come to my mind now. Skip's our only listener, so he's gonna love this. Oh, okay.
He's probably calling me a fan-ass fanboy talking shit. Evo Morales. I used the Evo Morales synopsis. I use that as my hypothesis.
When the president of any country comes to another country, he's received, welcomed, all that other bullshit. Hugo Chavez is in Cuba after the surgery, allegedly had surgery, successful, blah, blah, blah. Hugo Morales gets on a plane and goes to Cuba. Not allowed to see Chavez.
He flies back to the blue. That's weird. Hugo Chavez, successful surgery, flying him back to the blue. He goes back to Venezuela, blah, blah, blah.
Edward Morales gets another plane, flies to Venezuela, not allowed to see him, flies back home. He's dead. Right, right. Because, not only is he a president of another country, he is part of the Fidel tree, which is Ortega, Morales, the guy from Ecuador, the woman from Argentina, all those are all part of that cumbre of Brazil, where they're all kind of leftist-leaning, They're kind of leftist-leaning, and if they're not outright communists, they're leftists or socialists in one sort of way, for him to not be seen.
Right. Something had to go out of you. Something had to go wrong. So I based it on that.
And then they said, well, you know, we'll leave this internally and, you know, we're not going to send it to anybody because, you know, and then just reporting in, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is dead. Hey, where's that paper? Oh, no, no, no, no. I deleted it.
How could you delete that? I said, no, I have it there. I have it there, but the last line says I wrote this three weeks ago. So, you know, my dad was a great source for me.
My dad was still 80 years old now, but my dad was one of the big anti-Castro guys in Miami. And whenever I needed, I'm not saying my dad was a source or an informant, but my dad was really my mentor in that. He said you got to look, you know, the more complicated it is, the more they make something look complicated, the simpler the underlying fact of what's going on. So, you know, not bad for a guy who delivered magazines, you know, but he, so that's the way I looked at it.
And you know, I, and then Castro came and the Castro death thing was, was not what I said, or I said it was not going to be a big thing. There are going to be no, there aren't going to be demonstrations. There's going to be, there's going to be celebration. He dies on Black Friday.
Right. They announce it on Black Friday. I get my first call at 9 o'clock in the evening. Hey, Castro's dead.
I go, bro, I heard this message. I've heard this 18 times in the last four years. Castro's dead. Where are you getting it from?
BBC. Alright. I'll call my dad. Hey, he goes, I heard it too.
We're trying to find out. Alright, this shit's legit now. Right. Well, I'm not going in at 10 o'clock at night.
You can forget that shit. Right. Castro dies, announced about 11 o'clock, I think, Eastern Standard Time, and the people take to the streets, and I know a lot of people who don't, who the Cuba thing is not personal to them, found it in bad taste, that you would celebrate somebody's death, they've been waiting 50 years to do that, you know, and it's hard because it's a divided nation, you have, it's divided in three ways. You have the ones who are anti-imperialist, go home Yankee.
The ones who are anti-communist, fuck the Castro's. And then you have the ones who play both sides of the fence. And there's a lot of them. There's a lot of them in this industry.
There's a lot of them in Miami, you know. They're the economic guys, the guys who left the country for economic reasons, not the ones who left because of hardship or politics. So they have no problem with coming to the States, working a year and a half, making as much as they can and going back home to Cuba. And in the criminal aspect, because there are some level, there are some groups of criminal, Cuban criminals who go to Miami and operate, their level of criminality is off the chart.
Nothing has ever been seen like that. I mean, they're getting by in Cuba, which is a police state. What happens when you come to this country, where the cops really, regardless of what you see on Facebook, the cops actually let you live, you know, don't talk to any sovereign citizens, but if you, you know, these guys were just, they brought a level of criminality that was unseen. So, yeah, there was going to be mass celebrations.
There's not going to be demonstrations. They're not going to block the streets. I told them the only thing they should be lucky is that Castro died at 11 o'clock on Black Friday, not at noon on Black Friday. If they had died at noon on Black Friday, we would still be in a traffic jam.
Have you, you know, how's Black Friday in Orlando? Right, right, yeah. So you imagine Miami, Black Friday, and Castro's dead. And all the epicenters of Cuban, Hialeah, the Westchester area.
People are in the streets with pots and pans, which I think they made famous during the Heat's championship run, so the Castro thing came and went, and now we have this guy, we have Raul for a while, and Raul handed it off to this other guy, and he's not a Castro, but he's a very well-documented communist. He's a good communist. He's the opino muevo, but he doesn't have the same connections that Castro does. Those aren't his people.
He was born after the revolution. What he'll do to safeguard Cuba, or protect Cuba, or whatever he'll try to employ in Cuba, or apply in Cuba, will be in a different level of stuff. Because he lived the revolution afterwards, but he didn't fight the revolution. " The Cubans have been involved in the Nicaraguan thing, all right?
But it's only, you know, like they were involved in Venezuela with a security apparatus, how to do this logistics. You know, they're not going to put any troops on the ground. Are you kidding? Ortega's not his guy.
He's got his own problems. He's a young guy. You know, he doesn't wear fatigues. He wears jeans.
You know, he's trying to... He wants an iPad. He wants an iPad. He wants iTunes.
He wants to be. He wants the Cigar Houser's podcast. Yeah, he wants this cat. cu.
He's a guy who, he's a different kind of guy. But I don't have a feel for him yet. So I can't speak more on that. People say, oh, he's different.
No, he's a communist. I tend to lump them all kind of together. And then after you lump it together, then you divide him. Is he a socialist?
Is he this? Is he a hardcore Marxist? But for right now, it's... He's a communist.
He's a communist. And nothing changed. If he was going to change anything, he would have changed it like the second day. All right, first day, great speech, great meet, hey, nice parade.
You guys can all leave if you want. No, this guy's the greatest. We're not having none of that. So, you know.
All right. That is fantastic. So, I mean, that's some depth. It is.
It is some in-depth information. Right. It isn't your standard. We're not on the air, right?
Your standard. Oh, is this my gun? I'm going to need this tape back. I'm going to need this.
We haven't even started yet. I was totally going to do a blast. This isn't like your standard. We're going to need all of this back, guys.
I have to make a call. Rome is burning. All right, go ahead. So did you bring your book for your questions?
It's right here. It's right here. So we can actually do the You know, I figured out what question we missed. It was the, um, uh, advice question.
Ah, what's the best piece of advice somebody ever gave? No, we're not doing me. We're doing Hector. So, hey, Hector, do we have five questions?
One, two, three, four. Yeah, five. We have five questions that we ask every person that comes on the show. Alright, cool.
Um, and, uh, we're gonna hit you with all of them. And I don't think you've listened, so you don't know what's coming. And even if you have listened... I heard some of Alfred's show.
Yeah? I like to offer just, you know… I don't know. I don't know. You ready?
Okay. First question. What one person, living or dead, would you like to have a cigar with? Living or dead.
Wow. All right. I could go two ways with this. I could go like the whole familiar, wow, what a soft spot.
Or I could go like, I really would just like to talk to this guy. I'd love to talk to Pete Rose. Nice. Oh, nice.
I love Pete Rose. I heard he's a degenerate. I know all this other shit you hear about him, but you know what? I always thought, and I'm 52.
52. I don't know. You're fucking 30. I'm 34.
You're 34. How old are you, Mike? I'll be 51 this year. Okay.
So we're about the same age. So I don't remember. That's why he's a producer. So, you know.
I don't remember seeing. I don't remember seeing a better baseball player. Yeah. Growing up as a kid.
And we lived in the era before 75 baseball channels and ESPN. Right. So it was game of the week. Tony Kubik and Joe Graziole game of the week.
And unfortunately for us, we had Braves And, you know, you might catch Monday Night Baseball or whatever, but I grew up, I was raves in New Jersey, I was born in New Jersey and raves there when I was seven, and as luck would have it, I was in the stands for the Bud Harrelson beat down game, where Rose slid hard into second and Bud Harrelson took offense and pushed Rose down with his glove and then Pete Rose beat the shit out of him. and uh you know so but my dad was telling me what my dad was telling me what a great player he was and i'm what makes him a great player and i don't remember clemente clemente died in 70 so i'm uh is it yeah 70 70 71 when did clemente 70 71 he died before i don't remember i don't not 70 but he died before i ever really got to see the pirates right but i remember seeing pete rose and the hustle and he he goes look at he runs to first base on a walk look at that look how he I mean, Ray Fossey would be unhappy about the slide, but look how he hustles, and then, you know, I got to see him a little bit more when he went to Philadelphia and Montreal and Philadelphia, and I just thought he was just the greatest player of all time, and, you know, I figure that I, since I'm always, you know, my thing is to talk to people and make them sources, you know, and get that information, and maybe he'll tell me the truth of what happened and who was in that one. Oh, that would be fun. That would be fun.
Look, I'm not going to tell anybody until I get off the plane. You know what, I'm only going to tell one guy, I'm going to call Jack Duranian. I'm going to tell him to keep a secret. I'm going to tell him, Jack, you're not going to believe this shit, but he said he did bet on baseball.
Tell nobody. And if not, we'll have to dig up Bart Giamatti and ask him. So I'd like to talk, just because he was the best. Just that I thought he was the best.
I mean, maybe he wouldn't be the best in today's. Look, I didn't talk to my kid for four days last year, at the beginning of this year. " I said, "What? " You just hung up?
No, he put it on Facebook. He fucking trolled me. My kid's slick. My kid's not a dick.
He's a smartass. He trolls me on Facebook. Chipper Jones, greatest hitter of all time, that is all. Greatest switch hitter of all times.
I was working. I remember I stopped what I was doing. Wikipedia, baseball stats I called him and I said, read your Facebook He goes, you fell for that shit I go, read your Facebook He goes, I don't care what you say, Chipper Jones is still the best Read your Facebook Every single stat that Pete runs out He goes, he'll never be in the Hall of Fame Click and he hung up on me I talked to him for four days He trolled me Maybe Chipper Jones I heard DiMaggio, but I'm not old enough to watch DiMaggio You sure as hell are old enough to watch DiMaggio And neither are you. The old-timers are Demagio greatest.
Or no, was it Mantle? No, Demagio. No, Mantle. Mantle.
Mantle, best switch hitter of all time. All right, maybe. But I didn't see him play. I saw that guy play.
And that guy was the best hitter of all time. In my switch hitter of all time. Every generation's got their favorite. Every generation has their guy.
You're right. You're absolutely right. LeBron's the greatest of all time. Right.
Period. Huh? Who? What?
LeBron? Did you say LeBron's the greatest of all time? I don't know. I can't argue with you.
I mean, the problem is it's like people with a quarterback controversy with Marino. Right. Montana, let me tell you something, if I needed some guy to win a game at the last series, maybe Montana, but I need a guy to throw for 400 today, I'm gonna give the ball to Danny. Right.
Because Danny said there's no defense for the perfect pass. Right. So, you know what, I like that. And before Marino was my guy, I used to love watching them damn fouls.
I like to see the ball in the air. Right. Three yards in a cloud of dust, I like that for infantry maneuvers. Right.
I want to see the ball in the air. I like when Shula drafted that guy. I'm like, oh, man, this poor kid's going to have to hand the ball off 30 times a game. And Shula's like, Gary's team's like, he can throw the ball.
Okay, throw, throw. Shula's got the guy throwing 40 times a game. Unheard of. Greasy's probably going somewhere with this motherfucker.
I had to make Zonka a star. Zonka was a star before me because I had to hand off to him, you know? All right, so that was Pete Rose. Pete Rose.
Awesome. All right, next question. What is the best piece of advice anyone ever gave you? Eric told me to always split 10s.
I don't gamble. You know, he tries to talk about gambling, and it's lost on me, bro. Right. " And he puts like $800 in the machine to play video poker.
" If he loses his money, I'm not going to be well. I'm going to be, I'm going to be my, I'm going to be hurting on the internet. I'm not going to take this while. You know, I got to tell you, I'm trying to think any advice that, you know, not, not for anything, not, I've been, my dad left home early, so I didn't get a lot of that paternal advice.
Right. I, I, my grandparents, I never met them, they were, they were, they were in Cuba, and then by the time they came back from Cuba, you know, they were old and I didn't have that, I never had anybody to give me any good advice. But, you know, I can't recall any good advice, and I don't want to lie to you guys, it's just, you know, I've learned the hard way, man, you know, and now my kid gets the benefit of all of my wisdom and weight, but I just, I didn't get any, so I wish I would have gotten some, because I made some, I did a lot of stupid shit as a young guy. Right.
I guess I've never married the same woman twice, but nobody told me that either. I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to disappoint you. No, no, no, that's okay. This is a great interview.
Yes, it is. It's a lot of fun. Okay, what's your favorite cigar? Mine or outside of mine?
What's your favorite cigar? What's your favorite cigar? Oh, that's tough, man. You guys can't cut a brother's for a break.
I drove 400 miles. Fuck no. Right now, my favorite cigar? All right.
Right now, the cigar that I, well I can't even, because I'm out of them, are the two I gave, the two I gave Mike, look man, I know you guys want two, I'm gonna give you two cigars, because that's, it's true, it's just how it is, of the stuff that we make, I love the Musialgo, the Musialgo is my favorite cigar, of the ones we make, though the new one is really, the new one really has captured me, and you know, I know he's listening, and I don't like saying good shit to him, because, but I love the Dan. " Bring some back for me, will you? Bro, you've got more Roma Craft than Roma Craft does. Fuck yeah, but I'm out in Neanderthals and I smoke that shit every fucking day.
Oh, it's coming, man, don't you follow them on Facebook? Of course. It's coming, man, it's coming. Back orders will be fulfilled.
No, like 30% of back orders will be fulfilled. 30%, yeah. Well, but it's something. Right.
Don't make the man post. Don't make the man post. I'm on the inside track, man. Oh, you're in the inner circle.
That motherfucker can ship, right, all day, but the guy who handles the sales is my boy. Now, see, you're funny, you say that. And here's something I told Eric at the show. " Right.
It makes a difference. When you know the plug. Right. That's it.
" Weezolito. " Right. So many something from us, they don't go to you. Right.
To the plug. Danny is the fucking plug. Danny's the man. I had never met him before.
I talked to him for a couple years online and shit. Never met him until the show. Great guy, man. What a great guy.
He's got it. And I'm sure he's got his tough days. I'm sure he's got it. Yeah, but he's smart.
He's a bright kid. He's a likable guy, man. And he is very likable. And fucking hilarious, dude.
I mean, that guy, when we were down with Nick Robbins, I fucking almost pissed my pants probably ten times when I'm hanging out. I'm like, shut up this dude. Shut the fuck up. I got to hang out with him.
The only times I saw him were at the show where he was busy, as busy as we were, just handing shit out. And then I saw him at the party where he was, when he weren't getting closed down, like we got fucking closed down. You guys. Right.
It's funny. They close our party down. I'm like, well, I'm going to walk over to Skips. I got a black card.
What the fuck? You guys are closing this one down, too? There's shit all over us. Does Brian Loop have a party?
Where's David Blanco? Well, that's awesome. Did I say too much? No, no, no.
No, no, no. I'm not allowed. I think we're going to hound you every week and say, hey. You've got to have me and Jack on together.
Oh, the Jack. Jack. We've got another mic. All right.
You guys already go remote, man. You do. Yeah, I'm telling you. All right.
So that's, yeah, that's my favorite. What was the next question? I missed it. What was the third?
No, no. That was the favorite cigar was the next question. All right. We're still on to.
Yeah, you actually answered both. You answered both. All right. What fictional character would you like to share a cigar with?
Right. Finally, when he's got to think about it. I love the dead air. Fictional, oh, hold on, I'll do the fictional character.
Well, you know, do you guys read any Clancy novels? I have. Have you read the Clancy novels? I would figure Jack Ryan would probably be a pretty good guy to smoke a cigar with.
Not the Tom Cruise version. No. Did Tom Cruise do Chuck? No.
Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford did the early ones. The first one was Alex Baldwin. Alex Baldwin did the first one.
Yeah, that's right. The Hunt Road October. And then it was him. But there's a...
Now the guy from Star Trek is... So what the fuck is the... Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible.
No, but there's another one that Tom Cruise... Jack something. Okay. It's Jack...
Oh, Jack Reacher. Jack Reacher. Oh, okay. Yeah, if it's a character from a fictional character, yeah, I think Jack Ryan.
Jack Ryan would be cool. There's a new show coming out on Amazon with the new Jack Ryan. Is it a prequel or? It's a prequel of how he gets into the...
Oh, that would be cool. That'd be cool. I could do that. So he's just overall badass?
Well, yeah, he's an analyst, which is cool. Right, yeah, yeah. And, you know, he's a desk guy. " I'm a desk guy, yeah.
But there he is out there doing shit. And then he gets thrown into Black Ops and stuff. Nice. Intriguing espionage.
Yeah. Actually, that's the line they keep showing in the clip for the new show. I work at a desk. Oh, really?
I love that. Yeah. That's why I'm in your favorite show, dawg. It comes out at the end of August.
Oh, you know what I didn't think? I didn't think TV was a fiction. TVs are fiction. Guys on TV are fiction.
Yeah, guys on TV are fiction. I like the guy from The Shield. You know, it was the only TV show I never missed an episode. I watched every single episode, too.
Tuesday at 10 o'clock. I don't care where the fuck. Yeah, Michael Chiklis. Michael Chiklis.
Vic Mackey. Dirty fucking cop. Great show. I never missed that on FX.
It was pretty groundbreaking for FX at the time. But I remember watching that show, Tuesday, no matter where I was, Tuesday at 10 o'clock, hey, no, gotta watch The Shield, didn't miss an episode of The Shield. No shit. Really, yeah.
So yeah, that's not a Netflix and chill show. All right, I'm good, three for three. All right, that's crushing it. That's really it, the last question is, do you want to tell people that you've got a hold of your social media?
Wait, wait, wait, before you get to that, I got some questions. He's been writing shit down. Yeah, and I've been staying on point with all of it. But the first question that I want to ask you is who would win in a knife fight, AJ or Erik Espinosa?
Well, I see, I think I'm going to go with Erik, not because I work for Erik, because if I'm looking for future advancement, career advancement, I would go with a guy with the 17 billion cigars. But no, I think Erik would because, you know, AJ's diabetic. So I think Erik would just like dance a little bit, wear him out. And it's just gradually.
Yeah, yeah, and AJ's a nice guy, but Eric's street, man, Eric's from Carroll City, and that Carroll City... Eric should make you fight a little dirty. " Yeah. Yeah.
I'm definitely, I'm definitely going with Eric on that one. All right. Now, we did kind of lightly touch on this, but I do want to kind of give a shameless plug to the shop that you usually hang out at, you know, you're kind of easy to, I mean, every time I'm there, I can always count on you to be there. Because I support your brands, bro.
You're a good egg, dude, you're a good egg. Look at that, I support the guys who are good to us, I support that. I appreciate that, dude. And let me tell you something, I know you're a store owner, and this is my first time in your store, and I've been in a lot of stores, especially in Miami, which is the pit of the city.
The cigar industry, there is no, nobody has any loyalty, the brand, I mean, I'm just being honest, the shop owners can be, you know, can be a little sketchy, the clientele are just sometimes, you know, they'll go here, they'll go there, they'll move around, you know, this guy, Alan is the, to me, he's the best kind of cigar store owner, and such a weird guy to find in Miami, because he's a cigar nerd, he hoards as much as the next guy. " "I'm getting in the new one from these guys over here, but I'm not putting them all out. " He snashes them all. We have a rep in California named Tim Wong, one of the nicest guys you've ever meet, the Asian guy, smokes like 18 cigars a day.
I mean, you know, if you don't meet him now, after six, you're never going to see him. So, Tim calls me, he goes, "Hey, I'm at a store in Arizona. " and I was like I'll buy them all I go he wasn't talking to you he's that kind of guy he likes you know when you go to his store you have to ask him do you have this yeah no where's the oh no no I'm not putting the Venus's out yet because then the guys they got so he's like that I mean I like a guy like that when Vyaje came out with cash which they had 20 cigars and 5 box press hidden underneath so I walk into the store he goes I got cash and I said oh good He goes, I know what you're looking for. They're not there.
I go, but they're here for sale. No, I took them out. He took them out. He's a nerd.
He is an incredible nerd. But when he likes your brand, if he likes your brand and you roll shit in a wrapper, he'll sell it. And I'm telling you, the guys coming to the store, he sells. Obviously, I don't know how you taught your retail guys, but when I did retail, my guy taught me very simple.
He said, "Look, a guy comes to the humidor, if he goes to the left, he's going to buy Padrón, just leave him alone. He's on Padrón, you're not going to get him off Padrón. A guy comes to the humidor, he goes to the right, he's standing in front of Fuente. You're not going to get him off Fuente.
Let him buy whatever he's from. " But if he's in the middle, go get him. He's in the middle, he's free game. So, that's, you know, he, hey, have you tried this, hey, when a guy, when a guy asks him what he likes, he takes them to all the, all the flavor, all the, all the, all the brands that I mentioned earlier, takes them to all of them, we have these guys and these guys, and this is the Roma Craft stuff, and these are made, Roma Craft makes these for these guys, this is Fable, and this is it, this is Potsdam, and he's the, if we had more, if we had more guys like that, I'm sure there are guys like that in the country, just not in Miami, we don't have that in Miami.
First time I met Ellen, it was in New Orleans, and I had to dig through my luggage at the hotel to get my charger or some shit out of my phone. And then all of a sudden, this guy kind of walks up with a fucking shitting grin, super excited on his face. Like, hey, man, you're the guy that's going to make Powstanie, right? And I was like, yeah.
I'm like, how the fuck do you know that? Because nobody knew you. Yeah, this was, I don't know, four or five years ago, something like that. Oh, it sucked.
Yeah, it always does. But it was just like, it was an idea at that point. Like, we were just kind of getting things going. No, he'd already heard it.
He's like, I want it. I want it. I'm like, oh, shit. Okay, all right.
I want it. I want it. I want it all. Right.
I said, hey, look, I got this thing. I want it. I go, so it's Caribbean cigars. Just want to make sure that we got it.
Yeah, Caribbean cigars. Not in Miami. Everybody, I think everybody should have their shop. You know, I just think, I mean, you know, it's, you got to be true to your shul.
Right. That's, you know, he takes care of us. And, you know, I spend three days a week in there, one day on the weekend, you know, in the afternoon, I'm there twenty, twenty-four hours a week, because, you know, he gives us love, I gotta give him love, you know, there, and, you know, and he, he, I enjoy it, and the guys there are super nerds too, man, it's, it's such a nice cigar, so there's no, there, you don't have those guys, you know, you don't have any of those typical, you know, the douchebag bingo you can play at a cigar. Right, right.
You don't have that. These are all nerdy guys, and they're like, Alan, what do you have new? Oh, this is, uh, look, this is a new Matt B Matt Booth Cigar, and this is, uh, it's new because Matt Booth, uh, jacked off on top of this veil, and, uh, and, uh, oh, I'll take two! You know, that's, uh, I just tell the story like that, and that's it, man, that's how, that's how he gets you.
What's the age of semen on? Uh, you know, you can't hit it, you can barely see it with black light, but it's there. It exists. And it has a salty, you might think it's Cuban.
So, how do, uh, what was, yeah, those are my two questions. So, um, what was the second question? Where do you hang out? Where do I hang out?
Where can they reach me on the World Wide Web? Yes, where can they reach you on the World Wide Web? com If you want, I'm on social media. You're on Facebook?
Facebook, I got an Instagram. Hector Alfonso Sr. Hector Alfonso Sr. But if you have questions about the brand, about the stuff we're doing, Hector at Espinosa Cigars.
But, you know, I'm on, you know, if you can't find me on your own, I'm on Mike's page, I'm on Skip's page, I'm on everybody's page. Right, right. You're on the up and up. I'm on the up and up.
I'm in, I like to be part of the, you know, I'm not, I'm part of the Reagan J fan club, which I, are you guys taking sponsorships for that yet, or nobody's taking, are there any? No, no, no, no, no. He won't. I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole, brother.
I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole. I'll tell you what, you know, you know who's responsible for that, right? Uh-uh. Oh, come on, man.
Who do you think set that off? Who is the best? That's my man right there! The guy right here, can we talk about it?
If you want, sure. Yeah, go ahead. No, I want to make sure I don't take up too much of your time. I mean, you guys already had me on, I don't know.
You've got to keep it going for 45 more minutes, we're going to do a two-part episode, I mean. So, the kid from, not the kid, the surgeon from Developing Palace writes, I thought it was a very good editorial. And an editorial in itself is an opinion. Right.
So, you know, it's, nobody wants to read it. It's, it's, Not great news, but it's news, and he writes an opinion, every page, every subsection, he makes a comment. And this guy blasts him out of the blue. And then this guy took the high road, I mean, he took the mega high road.
Well, you know, I'm sorry you didn't like it, but I'm glad you read it. " I haven't listened to a Canadian since the War of 1812, or the War of 1858, or some shit like that. So he's ragging on the guy for no reason. And then one of the posts says, "I can't believe that Skip Martin and Jack Tron, He would condone this.
Right. So Jack saw it and went, huh, I gotta send that to my friend. What? So he sends it off the skip.
Now, I don't know if that's the true story, that's the story how I heard it from the number one Yenta. Right. But I know, I know, when something's online, when there's shit flying, that's where I get it from. Jack's the bad, bro.
I go, bro, you said that you, how do you run across it? I don't know, brother, I just look and there's a problem. I don't know, just bam. He's like, you know, this guy's the world, he's like the troll police.
But I'm telling you, he sent that to them, and then, well, you know, let's not rehash that. Oh, we did a video at the warehouse last week, where Erik really doesn't get involved in any of this internet stuff, and he hardly listens to any of the shows. I mean, he listens to some parts of it, but he doesn't, you know, the stuff about who's beefing with who, he doesn't get into that. " You know, because he, everybody who, well, anyway.
" I think Skip beat him up a little bit, you know, made him call his dad. You know, that's why. But then, we don't sell to him, right? Okay, we're fine, we're fine.
That was last week's fun. We gotta get something new. Yeah. Well, I mean, that one was a big one, for sure.
That was mega. What'd you think of that? That was pretty funny, right? That was pretty funny, yeah.
Yeah, no doubt. Oh, there's some of this shit going on here. I'm looking forward for the next thing. Oh, yeah, I heard there's going to be some Tomey in my face shit.
Some what? I heard there's some Tomey out in my face shit. Yeah. So, you know, that could be interesting.
I've got to see where we're at next year. Where are you guys at next year in the show? I don't know. We're next to Padrón.
You know what? I'll have to find that out. I'm usually the last to find that shit out, to be honest. No, once we find out, we can start prepping out this way to the big fight, this way to the wrong.
I hope to Christ it doesn't fucking go that long. Nothing's gonna happen, that guy's not gonna say shit. No, I don't, you know, I'm all for peace and love, so, peace and love. Yeah, I'm got, I'm nothing but, I'm nothing but, uh...
Peace and love. Sounds better when you get closer. I'm all for... You're right on the mic.
I thought he said it was all for pieces and love. I'm all for pieces and love. So, I guess that concludes the podcast, right? Very full episode.
Hector, I mean, I truly appreciate you coming out. " Let me ask you a question. When I told you I would take her to a soccer game, did you think that Orange County was the place that I wanted to take her to a soccer game? Right.
Oh, well, you know, there's no soccer here. I go, there's plenty of soccer here. She could have gone to the park and watched some Nicaraguans play on the street there. The Hondurans and Mexicans fight every Saturday right there in front of Home Depot.
We could have had them play. Oh, she wanted to see it, yeah. And that's the things you do for your daughter, so, you know. Because they're 17, man.
They're going to be 18 soon, and then they'll be gone. Right, then they're gone, and you don't see them anymore. You know, I see my son now, and he comes by the house in uniform in his marked unit. And I'm like, shit, you know.
We used to fucking play Madden. I used to whip his ass in Madden. And then one day, I started working late. I came home, and he whipped my ass.
I said, what the fuck happened here? Yeah, you slacking, man. You slacking on your pimp and pop. Now I can't even play video games.
I don't know what the last Madden you played was, if you ever played Madden. The last Madden I played was one with Michael Vick on the cover. Pre-Pitbull Michael Vick. Atlanta Falcon Michael Vick.
Now the button's there, yeah, I don't have enough fingers from all these buttons, you know, you have to do this, and then the window, and then, oh, fuck that, you know. Well, we've recently acquired a Nintendo Switch at the house, my son's five, and he likes football a lot, so when Madden becomes available, I will now be playing it again, however, I will be playing against a five-year-old, so. Dominate him now, beat him down now. By the time he's eight, he'll be kicking your ass.
Look, beat him down now, because when they beat you, they'll laugh at you. " So, what do you guys, what's football here, Tampa Bay? Yeah, well, we're right in the middle. Jack, whoever's good, it's Jacksonville, Alaska?
No, I like, I'm a big believer in kind of supporting local too, right? Yeah, but you're stuck, you're right in the middle. We go Bucs, Tampa Bay. I take them to the Bucs all the time.
Yeah. You know, so we got season tickets and stuff and we took them to like the training camps and shit, the mini-camps, which is really cool, so we got Mike Evans, you know, autographs. Is he in the football cards yet? Does he do the cards and stuff like that?
That's not popular anymore, is he? No, he's not at that level. What was awesome is, like, you know, he started identifying, he identifies numbers, right? So he's like, that's Jameis Winston, you know?
He's like, that's Mike Evans. How do we get Jameis Winston to come over here, Daddy? Hold on. Crab leg.
Crab leg, crab leg, crab leg. Sorry, he's an FSU guy, and I'm a Miami guy, and I'm going to make fun of him. I hear you. I hear you.
Hey, man, you know what? You guys were dominant. That defense was so dominant for some of the years there in the 2000s. Well, this is just a new thing for me.
Football and move the kid. Yeah, support local, he likes football. Well, he's fine. And you gotta get him into fantasy pretty soon.
You gotta get him into play in fantasy. You didn't really do that. They should do the fantasy football. Yeah, well, it hasn't really started yet.
Oh, okay. Oh, you're not doing your mock drafts, bro? You gotta do your mock drafts. Geis is out already, so that Washington guy, now that running back job's up for grabs.
Right. We're all over that fantasy football, man. I'm in the Roma League this year. Are you?
Yes, sir. I was... You should have got in there. Fuck that.
Let me tell you why I did not join that. Yeah, I'm wondering why you didn't join that. Because somebody is going to get fucking butt hurt. It happens in every fucking...
It'll be purple lavender, man. It'll be berries in the league. But, you know, God forbid it's some fucking guy over the dumbest shit. And now, you know, they're pissed off at you over a pretend fucking football game.
Right? Like, I mean, I've had it to a point. I've had conflict with people. I'm like, look, this guy's in charge.
He gets to fucking call the shots. If you have a problem with that, you know, I don't know what to tell you. Hit the fucking bricks. Right?
I feel you. But now I've also had the problem with the guy being in charge saying, well, they're kind of bitching, so I'm going to go their direction. I'm like, all right, that's cool. I'm fucking out.
Yeah. Because, you know, now you're letting people manipulate the game. Right? So, yeah.
I'm always stuck as commissioner. Right. And they say, well, you're the commissioner, but you know what kind of a pain in the ass being commissioner is? A huge pain in the ass.
11 babies. Then bring your money to the draft, oh, bro, you know, I'm good for it. So now it's December, it's the last week of November, December Christmas shopping, hey, dude, I need your $250 for the league. Oh, bro, hey, I don't want to chase people down.
Right. You know, and it's a pain in the ass being commissioner. And then you have the little subgroups, two or three guys who are playing together, yo, I'm going to trade you Tom Brady for Shane Vereen. What?
What kind of shit is that? You know, you've got to be all over that shit, brothers. I'm telling you. You have to be a fantasy cop.
It's crazy. I love football. I watched that Dolphin preseason game against Tampa Bay. The teams are both awful.
Those teams are going to struggle to win eight games. I think the Bucs are ranked like 32 on the most recent future report. Your second string quarterback took me to the promised land several years ago. Fitzy?
You know, I believe in the team still, I think that they got... Well, you have talent, you have Mike Evans, who's that Barber kid? That Barber kid ran the ball pretty good. Yeah, no shit.
J. Howard. Deshaun's already in... But he's the number two.
Yeah, but he's the twilight of his career, I think. Mike Evans is a stud. But you still have to acknowledge him on the field. Well, he's fast.
Right. Yeah, he's fast. J. Howard's a beast.
He is a big guy. He is a fucking, you know... Fitzpatrick looked great! He does every year, up until playoffs.
Well, yeah, but you know, Fitzpatrick, I like the philosophy. There's never a pass that he doesn't like. I mean, you know, he'll go 30 for 48 with four touchdowns and four interceptions. I'm okay with that.
You know, I'm telling you, I think it's just, Miami's gonna be, Tannehill, I mean, Tannehill is just, Tannehill's, he looks good. What, is Cutler done? Hey man, look, I won't take any disrespect to Jay Cutler. Jay Cutler, Jay Cutler, the Jay Cutler memes with, oh he threw a pick, hold my beer.
those jay color memes would hold my beer in the cigarette on the sideline come on man jay color jay color how is jay color going to succeed a guy was in the booth two weeks before the season starts and you throw him in there to start again i just like the fact jay color is the most aloof cat that's ever played football ever uh jay you know uh that pick in the third quarter really uh really kind of changed the outcome of the game against the jets yeah jay doesn't give a fuck I like that! Of course, I didn't like it that much since he was playing for us last year, but it's been tough, man. Being a Dolphin fan has not been easy. No.
Well, you know, you got that '72, perfect season. Yeah, but those guys are dropping dead fast. 60 fucking years ago. Thanks.
Those guys are dropping dead at an alarming rate. You know, Shulo's holding on. Shulo's not letting go. I mean, but it's just hard, man.
Since Moreno, we've had 17 quarterbacks since Dan Moreno was quarterback. That was 17 years ago. We average a quarterback every year since Moreno retired. It's ridiculous.
But I'm a fan and I'll be there watching the first game and hoping to get 8-8. Hoping for 8-8. That doesn't get it done. Hey man, nothing like going 8-8 and drafting right in the middle of the draft.
Where you don't get any of the elite talent. You get, you know, middle guy. We're getting a new quarterback. We just build on mediocrity.
Consistent mediocrity. Miami Dolphins. Miami Dolphins. Building on mediocrity.
That's us, baby. Hey, you guys still had the ugliest uniforms ever in the NFL. The orange ones? Oh yeah, the popsicle ones, the Tropicana fruit bar uniforms?
Those are pretty bad. Those are pretty bad. But those new ones, those colors are sharp. Pewter and red and white, those are pretty sharp colors.
Yeah. Well, so that's it. I have nothing else for you, Gunnar, you're gonna go long. I feel like we can do two parts out of this.
out of this we could we could split them in half fuck yeah excellent covers us for two weeks we're covered for two weeks well we got we got more interviews yeah we do another one this week vacations for everybody vacations all the way around all right brother well hey dude like i said i really respect you yes thank you very much for coming in i truly appreciate you you know putting in the effort quite the pleasure meeting you today it was a pleasure coming out i knew you were an intelligent individual i didn't know you were that fucking intelligent i'm not look you know You know who has that mantle? And you don't want to pull on Superman's cape. You know what I'm telling you? Nice of you know, he'll start challenging me to debate questions.
I'm just not ready. He's a smart cat. I'm smart in my field. Outside of that, when I don't know something, man, I'll be, I talk a lot.
I tend to talk a lot. I tend to be one of the loudest guys in the room. But when you see me not talking, it's because I'm learning. I'm listening.
Right. You know? And, you know, I, you know, what I know I know. What I don't know, I like to learn.
And there are a lot of sharp guys in this industry, man. I mean, there are a lot of dumb asses. There are a lot of... I was going to say your first statement is probably not true.
There are some guys that are really sharp. There are some sharp guys. There isn't a lot of them. All right, but you know what, for me there are because I only hang out with six or seven of them.
Right, that's true. Eric's like, "Where are you going to be? " You always hang out with the same people. Yeah, those guys, you know, they're smart.
Right. They're smart, they don't, you know, they fit, they use proper sentence structure. You know, they don't two-part me, you know? They don't answer their own question.
I'm going to tell you the guy's name off air, but I'm going to tell you a story I happened to be in Nicaragua with him. We can call it if you're ready. Perfect. So, Eric says, guy's going to go by the warehouse.
He's going to go by the factory and talk to him about making a cigar and stuff like that. All right, no problem. Guy shows up, him and two other people. So they're talking and I'm looking at the date, it's not going to work, you know, I need 90 days, you know, 120 days.
I've got my own show, I've got my own show shit, plus I have Cornelius and Anthony's show shit, and Cuba Requeño's shit, which is really moving pretty good in the Northeast, you know. So I tell the guy, look, it might not happen, you know, maybe we can do something after the show. And he says his name, let's say his name is Charlie. Charlie doesn't like that.
So I look around, and there's two other guys, and I go, who? He goes, oh, Charlie. I go, oh, you're talking in the third person. Well, look at the time.
End of the meeting right there on the spot. I called him, I said, you sent me a guy who talks in the third person? He goes, what do you mean? He goes, he says, he, my name, does not like this.
He goes, oh, what's wrong with that? I go, the only guy who can get away with that is Ricky Henderson. Ricky Hennep is a Hall of Famer. And that guy is not a Hall of Famer.
All right? In the third person. Oh. And he sent me another guy once.
I'll tell you that off the air. All right. That's good. That's good.
Send me another guy. And he goes, "Hey, this was a couple of years ago. Hey, I'm going to send you this guy. He wants to see the factory and stuff like that.
" He sends the guy. The guy, he's walking around. " He starts walking around, and he gets the molds, he smells the molds. Oh, Jesus.
He smells the molds, he smells the tobacco in the pylones, you know, opens the bale, smells them. He's in there smelling the table. A lot of smelling going on. " That's it, I'm done.
I'm gonna burn this motherfucker to the ground. You hear me? - Bro, what are you doing? - Bro, he's doing, what he did, what he's doing, he's sniffing the moles, and then Eric Falkman goes, the plastic ones or the wooden ones?
What does it matter? What does it matter? So, yeah, and then it started to rain, and he couldn't leave, so he was there for three hours. - Smelling things.
" Let me tell you something. When I retire, I'll have some good stories. Right now, I kind of need the job. So the day that he retires, you've got to have him back on the show.
I'll have him back on, that day. I'll retire from up here, to press conference. That's why I'm going to announce my retirement and go. You can announce your retirement on the show.
On the show, and I'll take this guy's spot, the guy who left. Exactly. When you bring him back, I'll take his spot. That's no problem.
Sounds good to me. Thanks for having me on, guys. I really appreciate it. Thank you, it was a blast.
Thank you, man. This is the operator with a collect ball from Emory Kells. To accept the charges, press one, now. That's it, folks.
Show's over. If you have any questions or suggestions for guests, leave them on our Facebook page @CigarHustlersPodcast. You can follow the show on Instagram @CigarHustlersPodcast. You can follow Mikey @CigarHustler.
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Show Notes
You've waited long enough! Here it is the hilarious conclusion to the Hector Alfonso interview!
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