Episode 38 Michael Torres not just another customer
Episode Summary
Episode 38 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast turns the mics on one of the lounge's most familiar faces: Michael "Mike the Mailman" Torres, a retired USPS letter carrier and daily regular at the shop in Deltona, Florida. Hosts Mike and Mike open with a tangent about the Magnum P.I. reboot before settling in for a casual, freewheeling life-story interview with a guest who, as they put it, "needs no introduction" to anyone who has sat in the lounge.
Torres traces his path from being born in New York City and moving to Highland, New York, through racking up 82 absences in his senior year of high school, to joining the Navy — which let him finish his diploma in a fifth year. He worked on air-conditioning systems for EA-6B aircraft, went through boot camp in Chicago, training in Meridian, Mississippi, and was ultimately stationed at Whidbey Island, Washington, before an Achilles injury during a squadron basketball game ended his Navy career in 1979. That same year he married his high school sweetheart, whom he won over by throwing popcorn in her hair in a movie theater; they've been married 39 years.
The conversation then covers his 30-plus years with the Postal Service — first walking brutal no-vehicle routes in Newburgh and New Windsor, New York, then transferring to DeBary, Florida (a move his mother-in-law arranged in three weeks). The hosts press him on the local legend of the mailman who waded chest-deep through floodwater at the DeBary Golf & Country Club during the 2008 tropical storms to deliver the mail; Torres downplays it, insisting the embellished versions are better than the truth.
The episode closes with the show's standard five questions. Torres names Drew Estate as his favorite cigar maker, singling out the Isla del Sol and Tabak Dulce (and nodding to Java Fat Bottom Betty and Sweet Jane), says he'd smoke with Billy Joel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, picks Dr. Doom as his fictional smoking partner, and offers "wear a condom" as the best advice he ever got. His preferred social media? Just come into the shop.
In This Episode
- 01Magnum P.I. Reboot BanterThe hosts open by debating the new Magnum P.I. series, the female Higgins, and the original show's Robin Masters twist.
- 02Meet Mike the MailmanMichael Torres, retired USPS carrier and lounge regular, sits down for an uncomfortably casual interview.
- 03First CigarsTorres recalls a vanilla Heaven and Dutch Masters/El Producto days before his first real smoke, a Cuba Cuba, at the Cigar Hustler lounge.
- 04Navy Life: Chicago to Whidbey IslandFive years of high school, boot camp in Chicago, school in Meridian, working air conditioning on EA-6B jets, and an Achilles injury that ended it all.
- 0539 Years of MarriageThe popcorn-throwing origin story of meeting his wife in tenth grade and the long-distance Navy years that followed.
- 06The Legend of the Flood RouteWalking routes in New York winters, the transfer to DeBary, and the legendary tale of wading through storm floodwater to deliver mail.
- 07The Five QuestionsFavorite cigars from Drew Estate, dream smoking partners Billy Joel and The Rock, Dr. Doom as the fictional pick, and the best advice he ever received.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Every day I'm hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling, hustling. Every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling, every day I'm hustling. Welcome to a Cigar Hustlers Podcast, where we take a closer look at the people of the cigar industry, with your host, Mike and Mike. You got a new version of Magnum?
It's recording. Fabulous. I didn't care for it. You don't like it because Higgins is a girl.
No, no, I like Higgins as a girl. But it was going and then all of a sudden it wrapped up like that. Yeah, well, it's an hour show. What are you going to do?
Well, I don't remember the old show being that way. They introduced TC. They introduced Rick. They introduced the Ferrari.
They introduced Apollo and Zeus. Three Ferraris. Yeah, three Ferraris. And one of them's getting wrecked.
Three of them got wrecked. Or two of them. The black one's left. Oh, he's got the black one left?
He's got the black one left. All I know is, me and Magnum. You like Magnum. We like this.
I'm gonna give it another try. I like Tom Selleck, and I like this guy too. I do, I like him. Oh, you like this guy, the Hispanic Magnum?
Oh, absolutely. I do. And I like the girl, I do like the girl Higgins, although the English Higgins was, I mean, the old Higgins. How are you gonna call all this?
You know in the end? What? That doesn't even make sense. You know in the end, right, in the end of the first Magnum, Higgins was Robin Masters.
Oh, that's right! Yeah, he turned out to be Robin Masters. Yeah, Higgins turned out to be Robin Masters. Well, now he can't, because everybody knew him before.
So he can't be Higgins. Everybody owes him. Or he owes everybody. Yeah, well...
Because he was, what, not entrenched, but he was a reporter that was in with the troops. Yes. That's how I would have met him. You know, back in 1905, me and Buster only.
I do like, I go, what, White Knight, your horse is coming, or whatever it was, yeah. Where you going? You have to be on the podcast. Where are you going?
We're on the podcast. Introduce our guest, Michael. He needs no introduction, Michael. You gotta say who he is.
You wanna do our intro first? Okay, ready, one, two, three, go. I'm Mike, and I'm Mike too. And this is the Cigar Hustlers Podcast.
Special edition. Deltona. Live from Deltona, Florida. The epicenter of the cigar world.
The epicenter of the cigar world. Everything good came out of this building. We have a special guest with us today. Yes.
A man that in the lounge needs no introduction. Looking for Corona. The norm of the shop. Looking for Corona.
Looking for Corona. Okay, say his name. Mike, the mailman. We have another Mike, and we have three Mikes.
So why would you tell me to say something if you're gonna fucking cut me off? I like cutting you off. I like cutting you off. You can't say fuck on the air.
I can say whatever the fuck I want. We have an adult little icon next to the thing. Cool! You can say anything you want.
Very cool. Anyway, sorry, go ahead. It's Mike, the Mailman, Torres. Dun, dun, dun!
I think he had a donut on the way in. Oh, he's fired up. He's all wound up. Well, the Arby's potatoes, they are really good.
The political debates have got him going. He's geared up. He's ready to go. He's ready to go.
All in favor of getting rid of all of Congress and all of the Senate, say aye. Mm-hmm. Nothing. Aye.
No, too late for you. So mean. So, hi, Mike. Sup, fellas.
So, how you been? How's the mail business? Now, you know I've been retired. That's Mike the Retired Mailman.
That's a lead-in question it's called in the industry. So, we like to casually interview people and make it as uncomfortable as possible for them, and you just so happened to come in at the right time. I'm not taking off my clothes, I don't care what either one of you say. If you could sit on that black leather casting cast for a minute and just relax for a second.
Oh, God. I'm just going to hit the record button. Get comfortable, slather some of that oil on you that's right next to you at the table. Brandy!
So, we like to talk about a couple things, you know, more about who you are and how you kind of became a cigar smoker and, you know, what you did prior to that, and yada yada. And Greg just walked in, I hope to Christ he doesn't come in the office. He's gonna run right into the door. Well, the key's in it.
So, what was your first cigar? My first cigar was a Heaven, a Vanilla Heaven. Ooh! Alright?
That was my first, and oh, well, let's not go into the El Productos. Let's not even go there. My first real cigar was a Vanilla Heaven. But the first cigar I ever had when I walked into the Magical Cigar Hustler was a Cuba Cuba.
So this is the first place you ever had a cigar? Uh, just, just, yeah. I never actually went into a cigar bar to smoke one. Well, where'd you have the Heaven?
I'd just, I'd buy one and then just, you know, smoke it in the house, smoke it wherever, you know, that type of thing. I've never, this is the first cigar. That's the best bar I've ever been to, and God help me if I could find another one. Right, the key's in the door.
The key's in the door, he's trying to figure it out, he can't get in. Oh, just walk right in, that's okay, we're just on the air. Everybody, there's Greg. Hi, Greg!
We need like the red light bulb outside the door. Right, on air. So, you're military, right? I was, many, many moons ago.
I was a Navy guy. Navy SEAL? Yeah. A Navy SEAL.
One of the worst badasses you ever saw. Ate my first child. I remember it. In Nam?
In Nam. Okay. Oh, boy. You can really stretch it here.
Korea? Yeah. No. Nice try.
One more two? No. I'm going to back it up one step. So where are you from originally?
I was born in New York. Okay. I'm a New Yorker. New Yorker getting interviewed by a Bostonian snob.
Bostonian snob. Putting me on blast. And his sidekick. I left when I was young.
I don't have the accent, so I can get away with it. I'm, you know, as native and Floridian as I am. It's true. You don't have the accent anymore.
That Boston accent anymore. That's a horrible impression. I'm a native New Yorker, born and raised in New York City. Well, not raised.
My mother was smart enough to get me out of there when I was 12. Before the gangs got me, you know, that type of thing. So she moved me up to New York so I could join up to Highland, New York, where I could join the mafia because it was 99% Italian in that town. Let me tell you, I got some stories about that.
So that's where I'm from. That's where I'm from. But don't say anything. Guy with a crooked nose comes to your house.
Don't say a word. Just give him your TV. Just give him your TV. Right?
Hey, Britt. So what the hell made you decide to join the military? When you're skipping out of high school for, I think I had 82 absences in my senior year, that's not a lie, okay? 82 absences?
I got a car, you know, the next thing you know, I was never in school, never in school. So, when Mr. Averill, my principal, told me, hey, Mike, you're not graduating, and I went out into the working workforce and realized that I was really screwed out in the workforce, I decided to join the Navy. And the Navy said, you can join, go back to high school, get your diploma.
So, thus, my five years of high school. Nice. I didn't know you had five years of high school. Five years of high school just to get into the Navy.
It was okay, though. It was alright. I enjoyed the Navy. What was your job in the Navy?
I worked on refrigerators on EA-6B jet aircraft. Alright, that's the one with the... They have refrigerators on them? That's the, that's the, that's the one with the, the funny, uh, the funny horn on it.
Oh, okay. They don't even make 'em anymore. Alright, they don't make 'em anymore. Um, they have refrigerators on 'em?
Air conditioning, dude. Oh, oh, they're planes are air-conditioned? I mean, yes, of course. I never thought of that.
What do you think? Oh, my God. They're sweating in the movies like crazy. You want sweating pilots?
Leather too? They got leather. You got the buttons for the windows? It's great.
It's great. It's right next to the buttons for the rockets. It's real good, so if you get the wrong one, you're blowing up a small town. Oh, shit.
I was just trying to crack the window. Abort, abort, abort. Somebody work on the cover of paper. Yep.
Then, of course, in the middle of my, what was going to be my career, Achilles. End of story. End of story, they said. You shot?
Shot in your Achilles? No, I was playing basketball for the squadron team, for the squadron team. How do you go when you got a shot? No, something more exciting than that.
I was playing basketball for the squadron team, and I missed three shots in a row, and they hit me with a baseball bat in the back of my leg, and that was it for my Navy career. Once you can't climb ladders on a ship, they don't want you anymore. Wait a second, they really hit you? No, that's just embellishment.
Oh, that's good. That's good. But he thought that was Army. I was a good shooter.
Not that day. Yep. They diagnosed it wrong. Next thing you know, I'm getting 10% disability for the rest of my life.
And, oh, yeah, it's a nice little check that I've been getting since 1979. 75? No, not anymore. 75.
Oh, very good. Keeps them in cigars. That's been going into a college fund forever. I've tried 10 cigars.
That is. Nice try. Not your cigars. Hey.
Maybe a Corona. Which, by the way, it is close by, right? I mean, it is. This episode brought to you by...
Mike Palmer's got jokes. Oh. Ooh. What?
Jokes. So, did you smoke your first cigar when you were in the Navy? Probably, yes. Probably, yes.
When you were in the hospital with your foot up? But nothing like I'm smoking now. All right, nothing like I'm smoking now. I'm talking, a cigar back then, to me, I mean, think about it, guys, I was 18, 19, 20, I was actually smoking Dutch Masters, all right?
El Productos, all right? I didn't know what a real cigar was. I did try pipe tobacco once until it made me throw up. Obviously, I was doing it wrong, all right?
Yeah, you're not supposed to eat it. Eat it, you don't eat it. All right, because I was dry heaving that shit, it was crazy. " There's something wrong here.
You know, and I was dry, I did try it, but... It never stuck? Never stuck. Never stuck.
I can see him smoking a pipe. You can, right? With the beard and the glasses and everything? Get you a nice leather jacket with the patches on you?
Dude, I was doing the old Sherlock Holmes-y thing. I was doing the whole Sherlock Holmes thing. It was, I mean, I didn't know anything about smoking. I still don't know anything about smoking, and I didn't know how to pack a cigar or, I mean, pack a pipe or anything of that sort.
There's a lot of work. For all I know, I mean, I pressed it in so hard it turned into hashish or something, I don't know. So, yeah, that was... Some pipe never stuck.
Yep. That's when you're 18 and 19, though, you know. So you're in the Navy, you fake your injury. Just recapping.
You get out, and then what happens? We go to war, and then... I get out, I get a job, I work for the state of New York, taking care of... Let me not say delinquents, they weren't delinquent children, they were abused children, that type of thing, that they sent to camp, that type of thing, they got a job there, when you're 19 years old, you're almost as old as the kids that are in there, so that job's not going to stick, trust me, that job's not going to stick, so after about a year I left there, that was it, it was the United States Postal Service.
Dun, dun, dun! How did you walk all those years delivering mail with your Achilles thing? It didn't affect me going, just walking, going up steps, that was a problem. But then, that's when I was young.
Oh. At that time, I'm... You're still invincible. Dude, I was fast.
Torn Achilles, doesn't matter. I've heard the stories. At one time, I was... You're famous in this area.
I am. I was... Delivering the mail through water up to your neck and... Where'd you hear that story?
If you gotta tell the story, you gotta tell it right. Oh, well, please, go ahead. You gotta tell it right. Please, go ahead.
You know the story. I know the story. I know the story. My wife has heard the story from people.
First of all, this is all legend and rumor. None of it is true. It is a legend. You are a legend in this town.
In came one of the tropical storms. Which one was the best? I think it was, was Irma the last one? The one that flooded out Glen Abbey.
Right. Not Glen Abbey. This was 2007, 2008. Okay.
And it came. It was the year that we had three parties. Oh, yes. Three came in a row.
Yeah, but the one that hurt most was the tropical storm because it dropped the most water on us. It just sat on the floor. Yeah, it sort of parked over us. Dumped rain.
All right, and the Berry Golf & Country Club was underwater. Okay, I mean, you couldn't even go into the main entrance because the water was so deep. The postal truck, if you sit in a postal truck, you sit very high, alright? And you drove through that water and it was touching your legs when you were going through it.
So there was no entryway. There was just no entryway. Alright? I don't like not working.
I don't like not working, so I found a way. I just found a way. So, you built a raft. I didn't build a raft.
So, go ahead. If you know where the DeBerry Public Library is, alright? Yes. There is a path there.
I made it a driving path. Drove the truck right through it. Drove the truck right through it because it's high. Drove all the way down to the water, okay?
About maybe 50, 50 yards up was the mailboxes, alright? Grabbed my thing, put on my water moccasins, waded through, delivered the mail. The stories are better. It's confirmed.
The legendary stories are better. He walked through the... Dude, it was me high. Well, the story I heard, you delivered the mail during the storm.
No. Waste deep water. Waste deep water. Holding the bag over your head.
Saving babies while he was saving babies. Fighting alligators and water moccasins off as you're going through the water. See, this is why... Delivering mail and packages and formula to the babies that need it.
Well, in all fairness, I mean, like the, what is the postal statement, whatever it's called? In the wind, rain, through the night. Yeah, there's a Seinfeld episode about that. It's the first one!
Dude, you have no idea how customers react to you when they see you doing this stuff. Now, here I am just thinking, I'm just delivering the mail. I'm just doing my job. Yeah, I'm just doing the job.
Just doing my job, man, I'm just doing my job. Mostly because why? If you don't do your job, you got to take it all back, you got to put it all back in a case, and you got to bring it back the next day. It's actually more work.
So it was actually easier to wade through the water. Damn right, until they told me, don't wade through this water. It might be sewage. And it was coming out of their manholes.
I mean, it was all coming out of their manholes and stuff. Hey, you know what? They got to get their electric bills. They got to get the bills.
They got to get those Cadillacs. Because they don't get no welfare checks in the Barry Goplin Country Club. I can tell you that right now. That's a true story.
They don't get no welfare checks. Yep. So that's my legend. That's the legend of Mike the Mailman.
The stories I've heard from different people in the city are a little more extensive. I like the stories that you've heard. They're better. They embellish.
People embellish. They do. You always got to downplay it. If you mention his name, though, in certain places, you do get the Mike the Mailman discount.
I just say he's my dad. I have legit said that. " Oh. Wow.
Let me tell you about your dad. Your dad is amazing. Yup. I was amazing.
You know? And that was when I learned that I could pass as a Puerto Rican, apparently. Oh, very nice. So, you know, I'm just kind of universal.
It's the tan. Just kind of slide in. Doesn't matter. I can't, you know what?
I have no bucket to throw up in. You can be my father. You guys should supply me with - I am 61 years old. Yeah.
You are 30 what? 34. Dude. Totally could've happened.
It could've happened. Holy shit. Michael's 36. Yeah, he was born in '82.
When were you born? 84. Oh my god! Yep.
Yep. I could've had a son that looked like you. It's true. Well, if he was foolish, I couldn't get any white women to sleep with me.
I don't know, I've seen you as a mom look at you, give me that look. So when did you meet the love of your life? High School. High School.
Tenth grade. Was it the fifth year or the... Tenth grade. Tenth grade.
Listen to me. Tenth grade of Walk Hill Senior High School. Yeah? Oh, it was fabulous.
It was love at first sight as I threw popcorn in her hair at a movie theater. She's the two rows in front of me. I wanted to get her attention, so I started throwing popcorn at her. That's nice.
She's like, I'm not going to be able to get rid of this fucking guy. Oh, absolutely. I got her attention. I got her attention.
Did you marry before you joined the service? No, actually, we didn't. So she waited for you. Yeah, and, oh, no, I can't do this.
Do it, do it, do it, come on, let's go. Hey, listen. We'll turn it off, hold on. No, I mean, her mother still thinks she's a virgin, huh?
We've been married for 39 years, her mother still thinks she's a virgin. 39 years and have children. It's a Christmas miracle. How did Michael get here?
I don't know, Mom. We adopted. Yeah, we adopted. I still haven't let him touch me.
So you're throwing popcorn at her. What happens? " Back then I was a player. Back then.
Oh, that's the move. You know, you've seen my pictures, I had a full head of hair, and I was a player. It was nice. The popcorn player.
So, I mean, for four years in high school, because she was only there for four, damn it, she didn't stick it out with me for five. For four years of high school, on and off. She's gonna take another prom twice. On and off, on and off, on and off, mostly on, a lot of the time off.
50, so it was... I mean, you could get gas for like 10 cents back then. Wow, that hurts me. It was like 65, 70 cents.
So you get a Coke for a penny. Yeah, well, yeah. I couldn't. Cigars were a nickel.
I've seen the cowboy movies. I've seen the cowboy movies. Not me. I couldn't.
Did you have your own horse? Broke, man. Broke. I had a car.
Oh. Just couldn't take it anywhere. Because I needed gas. No gas.
He wished he had a horse. The thing was, knowing full well that there's no way she marries me if I stay in it. That helped make my decision for the United States Navy. All right.
So I go through boot camp in Chicago. First of all, on September 1st in Chicago, on September 1st, it goes from 95-degree weather to 30 below zero weather in Chicago. Like that. All right.
That fast. We went from we can't march today because of heat conditions to don't go out there, you're going to freeze to death. All right. I couldn't wait to get out of Chicago.
Anybody who wants to move to Chicago, forget it. All right? I couldn't go from Chicago to Mississippi, another culture shock. Where am I?
I'm in the freaking Twilight Zone. These people are sleeping with their sisters. What the hell is going on here? We'd like to apologize to the listeners in Mississippi at this time.
We don't have any listeners in Mississippi. Are you coming to Meridian, Mississippi? Meridian. I don't know where that is on the map to this day, I have no idea where it is on the map.
All I know is, I was a Spanish guy in Meridian, the only one within a thousand miles, obviously, all right? A thousand miles, no Puerto Rican, I mean a thousand miles, that reaches Florida, so that's okay, there's Spanish people in Florida. But I'm in Meridian, going to school, trying to live, all right, trying to live it out, get through school, look for my duty station, my next duty station, Mr. Torres.
Now, I'm already an E-4, I went in as an E-2, which is a pay grade, this is, you know, it starts E-1, I'm an E-4, which is a pedi officer at this point, third class pedi officer, pedi officer, where do you want to go? I want to stay on the East Coast, no matter what, I want to stay on the East Coast because, well, my family's here, you know. You didn't want to see any of the world? No, I didn't want to see, I didn't care about the world.
And you're still in correspondence with your then girlfriend at that time? Yes, yes. So you don't want to, you obviously don't want to go on the East Coast. We had to write letters, because there's no email.
Yes, we had letters, phone calls, that type of thing. I am smacking whatever moves in front of me. I'm, I mean, come on, I'm 19! I'm 19!
Dude! He's throwing popcorn at everybody. It didn't matter if it was ugly, that's how bad it was. It didn't matter if it was, I'll never forget her name was, I can't say her name.
Say her name, what's he got? She's a listener, say her name. No. Don't do it, don't do it.
Dude, she was, I was 19. When I was 19, she was 29 years old, alright? She turned me inside out, inside out, alright? Couldn't look at her in the daylight.
That's fantastic. I still remember her. She had a boy. She had a little boy.
That was your age? Yep. And she was in Meridian with me in school, and we were... She took me...
She was the one... I'd been to New Orleans one time in my life. It was with her. She showed me all of New York, all of French Quarter, all of Bourbon Street, all of everything, she taught me more for a 19-year-old than I was ever going to learn at home, she, oh my god, it was just, what a fit, it was an absolute freaking, now mind you, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, even then, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, so everything was like, I remember and everything, everything, there's nothing I can forget or be mistaken about, so that was Mississippi.
All right. Orders come in. Washington. How good is Washington?
I said, it's up the street. I'm in Mississippi. How good is Washington? Wrong Washington.
Not that Washington. Wrong Washington. There's another Washington. What the fuck?
All right. No, you're going to Whidbey Island, Washington. Another place that I can find on the map. I can't.
You know why you can't find It's in the Puget Sound, Washington is shaped like, and it goes up there, and right here is where Canada is. Right. Well, guess where Whidbey Island is? It's in that little thing.
Your guardian is from Canada. Boom. Right freaking there. I went to Vancouver to visit while I was there.
Very nice. So, I'm on the other side of the world. Of the other world. Alright?
Indiana's not coming with me. That's my lovely wife. We've been married for 39 years now. No parole.
No parole. No chance of parole. Alright, so I'm stuck there for two years. I convince her.
Hey, babe. - Get out of town. - Why don't you come out and visit? Now, mind you, she's still living at home with her mommy, alright, who thinks that a doorknob will get you pregnant, alright?
A doorknob, toilet seat, will get, what you laughing at over there? Anything like that will get you pregnant. This is not an exaggeration, alright? The woman was strange, alright?
I said, why don't you, I mean, come on. Why don't you come on out here? Take a week off. She worked as a travel agent at that time.
Oh, she got deals on them. Oh, yeah, she got freebies. So she comes out to Washington for a week. You know, if you ask her mom to this day, she thinks I slept on the base and she slept in a hotel.
To this day, she thinks that. To this day. Your mother-in-law is a big listener, not a secret. Well, I don't know.
Well, you know. We'll just edit this out. My wife will not let me tell her. I said, Ma, really?
You think Deliana and I, you're kidding me, right? 20 years old, you're thinking that we didn't sleep in the same bed for the week that she was there? You've got to be kidding me. But she won't let me tell her.
To this day, she thinks we, I was on the base, she was in the hotel. That was cool. By the way, if you ever go to Whidbey Island, Washington, and they tell you, yeah, it's a direct flight, it is a direct flight. You go into Seattle-Tacoma on a direct flight, and then you take this single prop plane, all right, over the Puget Sound to get to Whidbey Island, if you've ever been in a single engine prop plane, trust me, it is quite the experience, especially when you're the co-pilot.
Sit in the front seat, he tells me. Sit in the front seat. Now, you look, and if you open the door, you need to eject, you know, you open the door, you're jumping into the propeller. You're jumping into the propeller.
The guy sitting next to me is like you. Mike, he looks like you. He's got the white hair. He's got the glasses.
He looks like he's about 70 years old. Yeah, I mean, come on. And then when you leave the airport that they land in, the little airfield that they land in, they have the crash right next to the hangar of one of the planes that crashed during one of their... Oh, good.
Oh, it was wonderful. It was wonderful. We hit some air pockets. What's that over there?
I said, my life was over. We hit those air pockets. Straight down. We'll be fine.
We'll be fine. Fuck you. Plan this fucking thing. So that's, you know, in case you ever go to the Puget Sound.
Yeah, that's... Indiana comes home. I hurt myself. Two weeks later, I'm home.
Did you get a purple heart for the injury? Yeah, you don't get a purple heart unless you're in battle. That's in battle. It was a game.
It's a hell of a basketball game. A lot of fouls called. Yeah. A little while later, I was home.
But a little while later from that, I was married. Boom. 1979, I got married. Wow.
'79. I mean, yeah. Were you born? '84.
Son of a bitch. I was born. You were born. '67.
'85. '85. '85. That's Brittany, if anybody can hear.
So I've been married longer than you people have been alive. Correct. That is a fact. That's sad.
Do you have a paper cutter that I can maybe slip my wrist with? I got a pen here, if you want to stab yourself with that. Oh, God help me. So how do you find your way down to Florida?
When you're a mailman in New York, alright, and you're a rookie, you get, there's 45 routes in my office, Newburgh, New York, Newburgh and New Windsor, you get the worst possible route in the world. It is the worst route in the world. Route 28, Route 12, Route 2, those were all no vehicle, all walking. All walking.
All walking. You go to a relay box, you get your mail, you deliver. You go to the next relay box, you get your mail, you deliver. All right.
And you get the job in the spring. It's wonderful. It's fabulous. Go through it all and then comes the winter.
New York winter. Yep. And you can live with the winter. You can.
I mean, cold you can live with. You just put on another scarf. Who cares? But when the wind blows and it's snowing and it's freaking cold, dude, because you have to remember, you got to be at work at seven.
That means you gotta shovel your driveway out at 6:00. Oh, yeah. All right, and it's not a little bit of snow, it's a lot of snow, and then some bastard with a freaking plow will come in and put it all back where you just took it from. Oh, yeah, that's funny, you know?
" He goes, "What do you want me to do? " Driveway's close to the road, you're right. Son of a bitch, it has to be that way. So after, what, 12 years of delivering mail out in the snow and in the heat and all that good shit and doing it without a truck, I had an opportunity.
I like that he's just eating Arby's this whole time. Fantastic. I had an opportunity. Actually, my mother-in-law got me the opportunity.
Put him for a transfer? No, she put me in for a transfer. My mother-in-law, she comes down here, she lives here. She lives in Deltona.
Yeah, she's still a virgin. She lives in Deltona. She walks into DeBerry post office and says, hey, my son-in-law works for the post office. He wants a transfer.
The next thing you know, I'm getting a freaking phone call from Tom Pierce, the postmaster in DeBerry. Your mother-in-law tells me you want a transfer. I said, yeah. Well, I've been, you know, putting in for one, but they say if you want to come to Florida, it takes years.
He goes, I can have you down here in three weeks. Wow. " Now, mind you, we haven't, we got a house. Right.
This wasn't something we talked about. " And that's a true story. The whole thing was, we were separated for almost two years. I was here, she was there.
Oh, I'm kidding. I thought she got tired of him when you said separated. Hell no. She just couldn't sell the house fast enough.
She couldn't sell the house in New York fast enough. Are you kidding me? She couldn't get rid of him. " No, no, I know he would never leave.
Oh, I'd never leave. You'd never leave. Never leave. We had a fight where we were separated where I went to the third bedroom.
That was our separation. You went to the bedroom? Go ahead. I'll sleep in the computer room.
I don't care. I'm not going anywhere. You know, so it worked. Boom.
Boom. Boom. That's it. Your commitment to marriage.
The love. The love you have is unrivaled. Unrivaled. He talks about her all the time, so nicely, too.
He does. He does. He talks about her constantly. Well, there's no way I would be in the spot that I'm in now if it's not for her.
You still live in New York. Delivered mail. First of all, I'm a kept man. First of all, I am a kept man.
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, you are. I am a kept man. And proud of it, too.
Oh, that woman makes the big bucks. I inspire. I inspire to be you one day. I wouldn't trade her in for Christy Brinkley in her prime.
I wouldn't trade her in. School pension. Maybe Halle Berry in her prime, but not Christy Brinkley. Does anyone want to get to the questions?
You want to jump right to the questions? We're only halfway through his life. Well, he's now a postman of Deltona. Postman of Deltona.
I am a postman of Deltona. DeBerry. I've been here ever since. All right.
That's it. Okay, questions. What's your favorite cigar? Do I have to do the lead-in?
We have a series of questions we ask everybody who comes on the show. We have five questions. Okay. Okay, first question.
What's your favorite cigar? Anything by Drew Estates. Can I say it that way? Yeah, you can say that.
All right. Is there one in particular? I hope that they're specific because some of their stuff is not infused or not flavored. I like the Tabac, Dolce, and the Isla del Sol.
Isla del Sol. That's what I was waiting for. Isla del Sol. That's right.
He turned my wife on to save me tons of money. They're very addictive. Alright, they're very addictive. They get you hooked on the Islas and then forget it.
And then we turn it up on you for the coolest. Next thing you know, you're smoking heavy shit. Smoking the Fat Bottom Bettys and the Sweet Janes. Next thing I'm refinancing on my home for leaves.
All right, one person, living or dead, would you like to share a cigar with? Wow. Yes. And they give you no time to think of these questions, huh?
That's all right. One person, living or dead, that I'd like to share a cigar with. Share a cigar with. Living or dead.
Yes. All right, first of all, I'd smoke one with Billy, Joel. Oh. All right, he's my favorite entertainer of all time.
I'd smoke one with The Rock just because I want to take a picture of me smoking a cigar with The Rock. Very good. The Rock is, The Rock. The Rock, The Rock.
You got the Brahma Bull tattooed on your arm. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, show the mic. Show the microphone.
Show the mic to Brahma Bull. Show the microphone. All right, next question. Go ahead.
What one fictitious person would you like to share a cigar with? Somebody from a movie, a TV show. I graduated from high school. Five years of high school, I understand the question.
We just have to explain that question. Somebody fictitious. Magnum PI? No.
Not that much. No, not that much. Alright. I know the answer for this one.
Go ahead. It would either be Rocky Balboa, okay? You'll rock. Fictitious.
Fictitious. I don't know. So many. Nah, Rocky Balboa probably is somebody from The Godfather.
I don't think that would be either for you. Oh, yeah? What do you think? I think it would be Dr.
Doom. He's not the one in the movies. He's terrible. The one in the comics?
Yes. But he wouldn't smoke with me. There's no way Dr. Doom smokes a cigar with me.
Why not? He's regal. He's snooty. He's empowered.
He is Dr. Doom. Well, there's no way Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is smoking a fucking cigar with you either. Well, he's too healthy.
He's... No, wait a minute. I've seen pictures of Dwayne Johnson smoking a cigar. He probably smokes cigars.
He probably smokes cigars. Yeah. Just 'cause they make 'em look cool. Give me that.
Shit. I got pictures of freakin' Bigfoot smoking a cigar. I've seen it. It's happened.
All right. Next question. Best piece of advice anyone ever gave you. Immediately, it was wear a condom.
That was immediately came to my head. I said, that's kinda... I shouldn't say that. That's pretty good.
Oh, that would be really good advice. You know, wear a condom. Was that from your mother-in-law, too? No.
If you do, by chance, ever touch my daughter, wear a condom. Yes. No, it's not that. It's not that.
She wouldn't say the word condom. Uh-huh. She wouldn't. I'm telling you.
She's old school. These old Spanish people? Yeah. Nope.
How do you say condom in Spanish? I have no idea. How do you say it in Puerto Rican? What?
Spanish, Puerto Rican? Is it a different language? Is it really? I'm sorry, I did not know.
That's when she comes in today. Yeah, ask Emile. I'll ask Emile. Yeah.
Like, she's ever seen a condom. Oh my God. That is awesome. What is this?
It's nothing. Just blow it up. It'll be fine. Just blow it up.
Just blow it up. I'll just... Fill it up with water. Throw it off a roof.
So, what's the fifth question? Well, the other question is how do you get a hold of him on social media. That was it? That's it.
That's question number five. You don't want people to get a hold of you, dude. You don't want people to get a hold of you, dude. You want to get a hold of your Facebook, your phone number?
Hell no. Hell no. If you want to get a hold of them, just come into the lounge. Call the shop.
Call here. Yeah, come to the shop. Just come into the store before he has to pick up his granddaughter every friggin' day, with the exception of Wednesdays where he has to go for early release day. How do you know all this stuff?
Because I see you every day of my life. We see you all the time. Every day of my life. Every day of your life.
Let me just say, being interviewed by two of the finest, of the finest. This interview is almost as good as a Howard Stern interview. We got Gary Delabate in the background too. A.
Brittany. Oh, Gary Delabate? Okay. Once again, Jessica Paraski.
I love you. I've had dreams about you. She has a listener. Oh, good!
She has a listener. Yeah. I love you, man. You're a great guy.
I, you know, you, uh, you always put a lot of people before yourself, which is very notable, and, uh... You could put this out on... I'm totally putting it on blast. You, you feed, uh, the majority of the people in the shop.
We're just adding to your legend. The legend that is Mike Torres. Even those that don't contribute to food to other people, you still feed them, which is really nice. And, uh...
It gets mad if you don't eat it. Yeah. It's really... It makes it awkward.
Did you, did you put a date on this stuff? Date on what? On this podcast. No, no.
You don't put a date on it? It'll go up next Tuesday. Oh, next Tuesday. Next Tuesday.
Alright, so you've already missed the event that's tonight, then? By the time this happens, Jesse, that will have happened. Oh, nice. The event will have already happened.
The event will have already happened. So next Tuesday. Next Tuesday. Okay, so don't forget to root for the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!
Ah, yes. Big Jets fan. Big Jets fan. That's his other tattoo.
And Yankees. I don't have a Jets tattoo. Oh. I'm not that stupid.
Not yet. Come on. Anything else, Michael? Michael?
Michael? I'd like to say hello to all the little people. My son, my daughter. Oh, tell them to listen.
My daughter. Who was almost on The Bachelor. Who was almost on The Bachelor. She was this close to being on The Bachelor.
So disappointing. That was disappointing. We're all looking forward to that. Me, yeah, it was.
I wanted to see you on TV. Guy's a prick. In case anybody watches The Bachelor this year, my daughter wasn't on it because that little virgin prick, what's his name? No, I don't remember his name.
How did she know him? My wife wanted to know him. From the school. From UCF.
Oh, okay. That's what she thought. She thought they went to school again. From UCF, yeah.
That prick, the virgin, why do you know his name? I don't remember his name. Yeah, he's gonna be able to pick from 25 women that aren't my daughter. Wow.
Screw him. And he's still telling them, with a serious face, I'm a virgin. Your daughter should do that thing where she just shows up halfway through the show. Ooh.
Didn't let her probably, didn't let anyone else. You know, she can be bitchy. Oh, well, she's your daughter. I guarantee you.
You should show up halfway through the show and yell at him for turning your daughter down. I was dying. They would love that on the show. Not the top 25?
Come here, let me talk to you. Are we done? I think we're done. I think we're done.
That's it. All right, everybody, thanks for listening. Thank you. This is the operator with a collect ball from...
Emma returns. To accept the charges, press 1, now. All right, folks, that's it. Show's over.
Thanks for listening. You can send in any of your questions or suggestions for guests to a Cigar Hustlers podcast Facebook page. You can follow the show on Instagram at a Cigar Hustlers podcast. You can follow Mikey at Cigar Hustler and you can follow me at FCC_Mike.
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Show Notes
This week we sit down with Mr. Michael Torres Sr. AKA "Mike the Mailman". Just another customer from Cigar Hustler your thinking? Oh how wrong you are! Sit back and be prepared to laugh till your sick or just get sick from his political views! Either way this man is a legend in Deltona!!
As always we welcome your thoughts, ideas and guest suggestions on our FB page, "A Cigar Hustlers Podcast". You can follow the show on IG @cigarhustlerspodcast, Mikey @cigarhustler and Mike @FCC_Mike.
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