Episode 81 Fresh off of Cigar Dojo
Episode Summary
Episode 81 of A Cigar Hustler's Podcast is a loose, technically troubled (and self-admittedly so) catch-up episode between Mike Palmer of Powstanie Cigars / Cigar Hustler and his co-host/producer "Mike Two." The centerpiece is a behind-the-scenes debrief of Palmer's recent appearance on Cigar Dojo's livestream with Skip Martin and Master Sensei — including the live skits run behind him on camera (lightsaber fight, a guy in a dinosaur suit drinking scotch through a straw), the audio delay that forced him to tell the crew off-air to turn it down, the word-game segment, and his on-air mix-up of Unobtainium (Avatar) with Vibranium, Adamantium and Valyrian steel. Palmer also addresses the online backlash he got from viewers who called him a "lost millennial" and a former gas station attendant, and repeats his challenge to the whole cigar industry to step up its game and be less deadly serious.
The middle of the show is pure shop-life content: the elaborate prank Palmer's employees and customer Aaron Ellerman pulled by "selling" the shop's prized femur for $12 (complete with a doctored computer scanner entry and a photo of it in Aaron's car) to try to rattle him before the Dojo appearance; his birthday trip to Universal and the now-infamous valet parking video; the shop's new covered patio; and the unboxing of a care package from Bang Energy, including Palmer's formal acceptance into the Bang Ambassador Program. Contest results are announced: Mark Gordon wins the naming contest for the shop's Polish mannequin ("George"), and @RefinedSoutherner takes first place in the month-long #PowstanieCigars Instagram contest — winning a Nica Sueño unicorn prize pack — with @ShinyProphet as runner-up.
Industry news closes things out: Scandinavian Tobacco Group, which bought Thompson Cigar in 2018 for $62 million and is shutting down the Tampa retail operation, has proposed a 9,500-square-foot Cigars International store at the Cypress Creek Town Center in Pasco County, Florida — the brand's first brick-and-mortar in the Southeast after its Dallas-area store and three Pennsylvania locations. The hosts talk through the 112 Thompson layoffs versus the 30–35 jobs the new store will create, the amenities (full bar, indoor lounge, conference room, fire pits, large covered patio, 1,300+ cigar brands), and what it means for independent retailers. The episode wraps with the new "Shop of the Week" (Maduro Marauders in Tampa) and "Listener of the Week" segments, podcast ranking talk (chasing The Cigar Authority and David Garofalo), and Palmer's upcoming travel to New Jersey, possibly Philadelphia, and an event at Mom's Cigar Warehouse in Scarsdale, New York.
In This Episode
- 01Tobacco Business Magazine and RomaCraftThe hosts flip through the new issue and note past guests featured, including a RoomCraft/RoomCraft-style business feature and the absence of Danny Vasquez from the cover photo.
- 02Cigar Dojo Appearance DebriefPalmer breaks down his livestream with Skip Martin and Master Sensei — the background skits, the dinosaur suit, audio delay chaos, and online critics calling him a 'lost millennial.'
- 03Unobtainium vs. VibraniumPalmer clears the air on mixing up his fictional metals during the Dojo word game, sparking texts from listeners.
- 04Bang Energy Ambassador ProgramAn on-air unboxing of a Bang care package (Star Blast, Rainbow Unicorn) and a letter formally welcoming Mike Palmer into the Bang Ambassador Program.
- 05The $12 Femur PrankShop employees and customer Aaron Ellerman stage the sale of the shop's not-for-sale femur for $12 to rile Palmer up before his Dojo appearance.
- 06Contest WinnersMark Gordon names the shop's Polish mannequin 'George,' and @RefinedSoutherner wins the #PowstanieCigars Instagram contest with a Nica Sueño unicorn prize package.
- 07Shop of the Week and Listener of the WeekMaduro Marauders in Tampa gets the Shop of the Week nod, and the hosts launch a Listener of the Week segment while admitting they have no rules for it yet.
- 08Industry News: Cigars International Comes to Pasco CountyScandinavian Tobacco Group plans a 9,500-square-foot Cigars International destination store in Florida after shutting down Thompson Cigar's Tampa retail and laying off 112 workers.
- 09Road Trip: Jersey, Philly and Mom's Cigar WarehousePalmer previews his East Coast swing, capped by an event at Mom's Cigar Warehouse in Scarsdale, New York and its new lounge.
Brands & Cigars Discussed
Linked items are in our shop. Mentions without a link aren’t currently stocked or couldn’t be matched with confidence.
Transcript
Welcome to Cigar Hustlers Podcast, episode 81! Let me just apologize up front, this episode is riddled with technical problems. It's been taking me forever to put it together. Mike and I talk about his appearance on Dojo, a little industry news, what's been going on, and just general stuff.
So sit back and relax and enjoy the show, please. It's been a pain in the ass. I don't know if I thought it would never work, but we're on. Welcome to episode 81 of a Cigar Hustlers podcast.
Oh, we started 19 shows away, Michael, from the big 100 show. I'm working on lining up games. Guests and surprises and things that you have never seen. You're a pretty epic guy.
Actually, I just thought of starting with working it now. Are you reading a magazine where we're doing the show? Well, I mean, you know, we just got this tobacco business in. I got mine over the weekend.
And, you know. They got the cover? Been on the show. But these are the important dudes, I don't know if you can see, can you see that all right?
Uh, yeah, you can see it, they've been on the show, too. The Roma Craft, a crafted business plan. Wait, who all has an article in there? Have they all been on the show?
How come Danny Vasquez isn't in this photo? Because he's doing personal appearances everywhere. He's not available. Oh, he wasn't there at the time.
I understand. Do not get old. I get arthritis in my hand. Can't even light a cigar.
So you're pretty, uh, you're pretty, you're pretty, I hear like a little echo, echo. Welcome to my world, Michael. See, you wanted to hear things and now... So, you're kind of a big deal, Michael.
I'm not, you are. No, no, no, no. These personal appearances. The dude?
Before we get into that, before we get into that. Okay. because the last show was right before your birthday. Yes.
So tell us about your birthday, Michael. What was the best part of your birthday? Oh, I have no idea. Oh, because I was told that the best part of your birthday was the valet parking experience.
Oh, you heard about the valet. I had to do whatever I wanted to do. Heard about it. I've seen the videos.
My wife let me go. I've edited the videos down to one long video. Oh, yes, which will go up right here. Hold on, please.
We're gonna take a break. Okay, now, if you want to explain what everybody just saw who watched it on YouTube. So here's the thing. I get to, you know, which is kind of, it was awesome for me because, you know, my wife took kind of a backseat on this scenario, right?
" Oh, you mean on the whole day? It's your birthday, you do it all you want, so this incorporated that as well. The valet was full. First, we have to say where you went.
I went to Universal. Okay. And the valet was full, I was about to say that. Oh, I'm sorry.
And then you cut me off. That's my job. I'm used to that. That's my job.
81 episodes, Michael, get you. Man, man, there's cameras everywhere. I have a complete staff that follows you around for every moment. So I went around, you know, I'm just, I'm just a complete asshole.
It was actually very funny. So I started harassing, I kept looping around and harassing the guy who was blocking it off. I wouldn't let people in. " Every single time.
I believe they were five times before you finally gave up. Well, yeah, well, I gave up only because, listen, I wouldn't have given up, I would have kept going until I got in there, but my kids in the back started to lose their shit. You could hear them in the video. " So yeah, that was the best part of my birthday, for sure.
I had a lot of fun. Everyone was dying laughing, with the exception of the six-year-old and the three-year-old who wanted to go on the rides. Oh, yes, everybody seemed to enjoy the video. Mm-hmm.
So, I took the video, I cut all the attempts into one long video. Yes. It's a number before each attempt, so like this is attempt number one, and it's you yelling at the guy. Attempt number two, you yelling at the guy.
This is why you're the best producer in the entire cigar world, and maybe the entire world period. Well, I would imagine that, and this is what's in the history called a segue, Michael, why the dojo would like me to move to Colorado. They would! I'm on my way.
They have met my offer of two dollars. Wow, that's all it took, huh? Well, that's two more than I might care, so that was a deal. And you're done.
And I'm done. And there's pot legal up there, so, you know. I didn't know that, I had no idea you're into the pot. I'm not, because it's not legal, but you know, it might be something I want to try.
I'm getting older, I'm not going to get any younger, so. Maybe I'll put my arthritis in my bag. So you're thinking about the pot. And you're thinking about leaving me to go to Colorado.
I don't think you'll ever leave me, Michael. No, I'm not going to Colorado. There's no air there. I've been to Colorado.
Can't breathe. I have a feeling that, you know. So, we're going to be in this together, to the bitter fucking end. When you're getting your star on the Walk of Fame, you will mention me in memory, because I'll be dead by then.
Because you will be, oh, okay, good. I'll be a footnote on your star, a little asterisk, and mic two, there'll be an M and a number two. And mic two. Yes.
Epic. This is awesome, so you're just going to dictate this whole podcast. So I have Dojo actually at the end because these notes have been amassing for a week, so let's talk more about your Dojo appearance, Michael. It went very well?
It did go very well. They loved the little show we did? First of all, let me say this about you. I appreciate you just kind of going in there and just handling my light work, right?
When somebody tries to shit on me, you attack them. Oh, please. You're like, hey! That's my job.
Screw you! Screw you! " The video was lost. That's pretty epic.
I don't think I said anything on that one. You let him go? I don't think I saw that one. Somebody tell me about that one.
I got your wife. Your wife was very adamant about it while it was happening. I had to go back and find these. But the guy that called you a gas station attendant, we shouldn't be listening to your opinions because you were a gas station attendant.
Yes. I said, well, Skip Martin used to be in the Navy, so should we not listen to him either? Right. Let's see.
That's awesome. I mean, I love it. I mean, you know, for me personally, like, I don't know, whatever, let people, let them talk. I mean, it's kind of an accumulation thing.
The more people that get angry and talk shit about you, it means you're moving along. Well, right. It's the whole, there's no, the only time it's bad is when they're not talking about you at all. Right.
Right. So, you know, I mean, I guess running three businesses, maybe four businesses, successfully makes me a lost millennial, then. Fucking A. Here I am, lost.
At one point, you kind of called out the entire industry, said everyone can be doing better. So you attack the industry as a whole? Because they can! Don't touch the microphone, Michael.
It makes a terrible noise. What do you want me to do here? It's like right here. Is that better?
Yeah, you can smoke above it. There you go. It makes that noise. I don't remember this happening, but I wrote it down.
You also tried to pick a fight with Master Sensei at some point? I don't remember what that was about. No, I didn't try to pick a fight with him. I think that he said something.
They said that... It was in jest. They have like a list of people not to mess with, I guess. Oh, maybe that was it.
And I'm supposed to make the list. And I told them that I was totally comfortable with conflict. But other than that. I think there's blood.
But you are very aggressive, so that works. Yeah, I'm super aggressive. Super aggressive. There's a BA Revenge sitting right on that desk.
And I mean, if. I'll be during the commercial break. Because if you don't take it, I'm taking it. Oh, well, then that's gone.
Okay, back to the. Well, and then the little skits, which we weren't sure how they were going to do it, but they took it. You were very nervous about that. Well, it wanted to go bad.
I wasn't nervous about doing it. I was nervous about it going bad, and then all of a sudden they cut to some screen that says, "Technical difficulties. " You were worried about them being upset. " Yeah, but why, you know...
I don't know, we've never done that before. You're a very considerate person is what it is. That's probably what it is. It's true.
Yeah. And I'm not a considerate person. I'm all for entertainment, and it was very entertaining. Very entertaining.
We should have marked the ground like your wife advised because the lightsaber fight looked like it was on the shot. A little too far back. A little too far over. And I think that the skits, they were a little bit shorter than what they should have been.
I think we could have stretched them out a little longer. Yeah, I think we could have too. They went a lot faster than we thought they would. When you're planning it out, you're running through it in your head, you're like, okay, this is gonna take like 15 minutes, and then we're back and we're out in like two.
I mean, you know, but look, it was the first time. There will be other times. So if you'd like to have us on our show, who knows what would happen? Who knows?
It was awesome, man! I loved it! We're doing a remote interview. I loved it.
We're gonna have fun with you. So, I always, like, harass Skip afterwards, too. I'm like, "So, how'd I do? " or whatever.
" That was it. Oh, and then I, just as you did that, I texted him also, I go, "What do you think about my part? " You didn't suck. And Arlen loved the crocodile.
And that's all that mattered. Arlen loves the crocodile. That's it. She has to sit and watch those things all the time, and they're all in English, so I can imagine she's just sitting there, and then she sees that shit going on in the background.
" Look, it's gotta, you know, for us, it's gotta be memorable, right? We gotta, we gotta step up our game. Nobody's talked about it afterwards, though. Except us.
So, but I have had several people reach out to me personally and tell me that, you know, it was funny and they liked it and stuff, so. Right. I've had a few people reach out to me as well, you know. I was expecting some type of international controversy or something.
Yeah, well, I saw a really cool gender reveal of a volcano, like a little plastic gender reveal on like the Today Show, I'm like, pfft, my cigar gender reveal was way cooler than that. You should send it in. They'll never, they'll never, it's cigars, we're the devil. Hmm, I don't know anything about that, maybe I'll send them the video.
We are the devil. See what happens. Uh, okay, we have a new shop of the week. Yeah?
Uh, Maduro Marauders in Tampa, Florida. Tampa, Florida, 1944 West Main Street, Tampa, Florida, 33607. Kevin Brown came in from Maduro's this past week, hung out with us for a while. My boy, Kevin.
He's very nice. Met him in Esteli, Nicaragua. Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot about that.
So, if you would like to be the Shop of the Week, all you have to do is hashtag... Ooh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, what was that?
A meltdown. Can I touch this? Now there's a delay. Because you touched the microphone.
Now we're delayed? Delayed. Ooh, delayed. That wasn't me.
There's no way. That was you. Because I can't touch the mic? Oh, see, now you're going to do that.
Otherwise, you're all fucked up. Look, the video stopped, too. Oh, the video's still going. Awesome.
Let's get to the fun stuff. Oh, wait, if you want to be Shop of the Week, take a picture of your shop, or come in. You're just going to take them off completely now? Yeah.
Oh, you just ditched the headset altogether. Let's put it all together. Here we go. Boom.
See, if the ship was sinking, he jumps off and leaves me onto bail. That's not true. You just jump ship. I'm just trying to give my best performance here for our podcast viewers and listeners.
Okay, anyway, for the third time now, if you want to be Shop of the Week, throw up a picture on Instagram of your shop showing the show, or even just the logo of the show. I'll follow for that because we got nothing from last week. #CigarHustlersPodcast and you can be mentioned on a future episode. There you go.
Earl's doing a hell of a job over there today. Earl's killing it. Earl's killing it. So, okay, here goes that.
Alright, now, we've been after this forever. Forever? Ooh, we're gonna do this. Since the first show.
We're going to this. We're going to this. I hope you brought a knife. I do.
I always have a knife. I have a very nice knife. We got a box from Bang. Look at that right there.
Wow. Look at you. I can't get them to call me back for ordering the product. So, I don't know how you did that, but.
Because I'm annoying as shit. And they probably just sent it just so I leave them alone. So, we're gonna. Now we gotta ramp up like Shawshank Redemption.
Send a letter every day. So, what kind of bang are you drinking over there, Mike? What are you drinking today? A Star Blast.
Oh, an excellent Star Blast. It is delicious and nutritious with no sugar. The energy drink of choice of the cigar industry, bang, energy drink. If you ask Danny, he'll tell you otherwise.
He's not sponsored. Okay, they wrapped this for picked out. Okay, well, there is a story. This is the second box they sent.
Yeah. The first box, I understand, was much larger, but it exploded in the mail. And they got the box back all silk and white. So, I imagine this is...
So, then they took whatever was left. Yeah, whatever didn't explode. More paper towels. Let's see.
Oh, they put one in a Ziploc bag, just in case it didn't explode. Oh, you mentioned your favorites! So we have rainbow unicorn, set that up facing the camera. We have another rainbow unicorn.
No, set it up where you can see it, you can't see over there. Don't put it out of the shot. Turn the logo facing the camera, there we go. Another rainbow unicorn.
Life is good here. I'm happy here. Another rainbow unicorn. Oh.
And, okay, that's it for the bangs, but there is an envelope, maybe this is the cash. It says Mike Palmer on it. With my name on it. There is an envelope that says Mike Palmer.
It's got to be a thank you letter. This is so exciting, it's like the Oscars. I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the Academy for the bang.
I can't handle the suspense. Oh, look at this. Come on, Bang Letterhead. Dear Michael, after reviewing your application for the Bang Ambassador Program, we're proud to welcome you into the Bang Energy family.
Our elite team runs Bang Energy VPX and Redline with the same passion and energy enthusiasm as our CEO Jack did 24 years ago. Sleeping on air mattresses on the floor in order to vigorously pursue his destiny and dream sounds crazy, It's crazy, but this small sacrifice was worth the massive rewards and magnificent blessings that followed through us to millions of others just like you. In the following weeks to come, we will contact you to work out the details of how the Ambassador Program works as well and great expectations for this partnership. We have great expectations for you.
Sincerely, Richie, Head of Social Media and Connections. Wow. Wow. Look at you.
Yes, look at that. I'm so excited that they gave me four unicorns and they gave you that letter because I'm taking all this shit. Well, they don't know. I don't like those, but...
You don't like these? That particular flavor is a little sweet for me. You should've said, you should've asked for birthday cake. Well, at the time, I didn't know birthday cake was coming out.
I am vigorously looking for birthday cake flavored bang. That's nice, though. Look at that. Yes.
Addressed to Mike Palmer, The Cigar Hustlers Podcast, 829 Deltona Boulevard, Deltona, Florida, 32725. Nice! We'll have to frame this and hang it up somewhere. Maybe we should start building accolades for you over there.
Oh, well, most of them are just auditory, it's hard to put those on. But that's your first one, that's like your first thing. Yes, yes. We have a new addition to the set, back in the background.
Yes, the Dino Wrangler. That is the Dino Wrangler's hat, and we have a Dino Wrangler little guy in our little mix there. So, well that was exciting. Congratulations.
Thank you. No, no, congratulations to you. I remember the ambassador program, so thank you, Richie, that's very nice of you. Yeah, if you could just get me in contact with sales so I could start carrying the product in the store, that'd be fantastic.
Very, you would fuck something up here. Me? Yeah, when you touch something over there, I don't know. We'll have to see what happens.
I touch the mic, I'm not allowed to touch the mic. No, you can't touch the mic, it's very delicate equipment here in this room. As long as it's recording. It's all held together with duct tape and bubble gum.
Is it recording? That's all it means. Yes, it appears to be recording, but it's very low. But I can fix that.
Alright, now I have, I forget who I got this from, but I have the Top Ten Commandments of Cigars. Do you want to go over those? You want to save that in case we need stuff at the end? Sure.
Sure, you want to save it? Well, I got a winner for a thing that I got to talk about, too. Oh, that's right. And we also have the name of the guy.
Ooh, let's go to the name of the guy. Okay, back in episode 78, we asked for help naming our new Polish fellow, here, as usual with our contest. He's on a wire, I can't imagine why nothing is working right. Oh, is he standing on a wire?
He wasn't a minute ago. Colonel Sanders is also down as well. That is not Colonel, he's down? Yeah, he's on two wires.
That's not Colonel Sanders, that is Sigmund Freud. I'm starting to see what the problem is here. It's your action figures. My wife hates the action figures.
She was watching the show with me. She goes, what is all that crap on the table? Wow. Those are my friends.
Oh, you just killed the dino wrangler? I heard somebody down. Somebody's down. No, they're all fine now.
Okay. We had three people into the contest. Three. Three.
But we have a total of one, two, three. Three solid names. Five. No, we have five names.
Three people entered. Five names. Interesting. So, I'm not going to tell you who they are because I don't want your choice to be slanted.
Okay. Okay. So, name number one? I don't even know how to pronounce this.
Malikumki. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Number two? That's gotta be Hugh. Uh, no. Okay.
He did not enter. He didn't enter? No. Wow.
Number two, Werner Von Blomberg. Okay. Sigmund the Old. Okay.
George. Okay. And Haluski. H-A-L-U-S-K-I.
George is the winner. George? Yeah. All right.
Mark Gordon, you are the winner of something. His name is George. You're the winner of something. Mark Gordon is the winner.
Next time you're in here, ask Michael what you've won. He'll have your lovely prize. Mark Gordon. Oh, yeah, yeah, Mark.
Yeah. George. George. So, his name is George.
Mark, you're getting nothing. George, the Polish guy. Now that I know it's Mark, I'd like to change. I was told a true Polish person would understand Haluski.
Yeah, I'm not really a true Polish person. Oh, I looked it up, some type of food. Yeah. Yes.
I guess I wouldn't... Polish sausage or something. It's just where I'm from. Okay, your contest?
Last name. Who wins your contest? We're at 20 minutes, so you have like six minutes. Six minutes.
So we had an epic... Very big prize. Yeah. Big.
Where we were giving away some unicorns from Nika Sueño. Sueño, isn't it? Sueño. Sueño?
Nika Sueño. And it's... No, go ahead. Nika Sueño.
Okay. And it was just #PosanaCigars throughout the entire month. Yes. And there are two guys that crushed it above and beyond, did more than anyone else really committed to the process so is this number of posts or best photo or overall number okay so whoever posted the best posted the most often with the hashtag post on your cigars yes so okay should I give you the winner or the second place person oh no please in this show we like to start from the loser to the winner okay so the loser The loser is Mark Gordon.
No, I'm sorry. It's Mark Gordon. And you again win nothing. Yeah, you get nothing, Mark.
Well, the loser is @ShinyProphet. Oh, okay. He's a regular guy of the show. He's not really going to be a loser.
He's, you know. He's going to win something? Yeah. Reach out to me and, I mean, second place, the numbers were impressive, dude.
So, I got to send you something. com and I'll hook you up. And he came up with some goodies. But the winner...
How does he prove it to him? I don't know, some form of dick pic or something, I don't know. I mean, I'll probably... I gotta be honest, I've never had that happen where somebody tried to sabotage into a contest.
But I just made it a thing. A thing? It's like on the news where they tell how the terrorists got on the plane. You're right.
And then all the terrorists use that to get on the plane. Oh, that's excellent. So then, if you are concerned about someone taking your second place gift, just DM me from your Instagram. There you go, that's better.
@ShinyProfit. That's better. Now, the number one... The number one winner of the #PostañaCigar contest is...
Wait, wait. I'm going to put it on a drum roll. Okay, go. @RefinedSoutherner.
Oh, of course it is. Yes, my boy Drew crushed it. And then he wins the t-shirt, cigars, ashtray, the whole setup, the whole shebang, all the unicorns, Michael's next child, his old car is broke down at his house, you can't have that either, that's my car, his dog with the ear problem, you can take the dog, the dog with the ear problem, or the white one? Eh, dealer's choice.
I mean, I feel like I'd rather get rid of the white one. She's a pain in the ass. She's breaking out of her cage. She looks like- I like the one with the ear problem, because I keep asking her questions, and then just says no.
Do you like living here? No. Do you like Michael? No.
You just have to touch her ear, and she says no. Oh, yeah. Excellent! Oh.
Oh, what? I forgot to mention on the one on Dojo, unobtainium was a word. See, we did the thing where we had a bunch of words. Yes.
And really kind of dictated a lot of things that I said. It did. You know. It did.
But I screwed up Unobtainium. Unobtainium is from Avatar. Yes. Yeah.
Oh, so you mixed your universes. Yeah, I totally mixed my universes. It's so embarrassing to be you right now. Yeah.
Vibranium is from Black Panther. And Amantium is Wolverine. I thought that was the same. No.
They're all types. Valerian Steel is from Game of Thrones. So I mean, there's so many different special metals and things at this point, I can't keep up. There appears to be a thing.
And I'm not really a huge Avatar guy, so, sorry. Oh. I'm not really. Don't they have Avatar World or Universal?
Or is it Disney? No, it's at Disney. I'm not a Disney, you know. He's not a Disney guy.
But now, I mean, the whole Marvel thing, it's a touchy subject. So, I'm glad that I got to at least clear the air on that, you know. I'm sure there are people that couldn't sleep. Oh, I got, I got texts.
Oh, goodness gracious. I got, you know, from, listen, Unobtainium is, no, is Pandora, bro. Mike, thanks. Pandora?
Yeah, that's the world. The radio thing? The music? That's the world.
Oh! Yeah, in Avatar. I thought it was a box. Thanks.
And you know who you are. With your text. I appreciate text. Damn that Mark Gordon.
Why aren't Mark Gordon? Yes, but that's his prize. I'm gonna mention his name over and over in this episode. So, what else, what else you got going on there, Mike?
Uh, we'll tell you what, we're at 74 minutes, we're gonna take a break right here, um, uh, show can, show can, show can, show can. Show can? This show brought to you by, bang! The number one energy drink of the cigar industry.
I only feel like four cans gets the one mention, that's it. That's like 10 bucks. It's a start, Michael. Alright.
Don't poo-poo our ambassadorship. See, he knows how he took the drink right after that. It's your ambassador show. Because he loves it.
It's the shows, Michael. It's the show. I'm excited about these bangs. Okay, we'll be right back.
Commercial. Okay. Master Sensei cannot have you. Ever.
Okay. You don't leave me. We need to do a little, we have something to present to you, Michael. Ooh, I can't wait.
We should probably present it, then explain it. Okay. Okay, so if you'd like, come on in, Garrett, bring in what we have there. Come on in, Slappy.
Yes, I know. The femur is back. It never left. It never left.
Oh, so how did you find out? Um, because I said that I was going to fire somebody. Yes. " Oh, did he tell you?
Yeah. Oh, well, not as funny as we thought. See, you thought it was gonna be good. I thought it was gonna be a good thing.
I didn't find out till Saturday. It had your name on it. Saturday afternoon. By design.
Yes. If I had the new kid do it, he definitely would have got fired. Oh yeah, yeah. I might have had a, did you actually do that?
Right. Right. No, if the new kid had done it, yeah, he would have been fired. If you had done it, you would have been pummeled to death and then fired.
He even changed the computer scanner for that one computer so it said... I know, that was, I mean, dude... It was quite the setup. So here's the thing.
Alright, well, we have to kind of explain what happened. Okay, okay. Because... Go ahead.
No, no, you go ahead. So, my fantastic employees, and I guess you're in on the game. Well, I found out. Actually, it was Aaron's idea from what I understand.
Ah, okay. So, we have one Femur that's left in this house, and it's not for sale. People have offered me a ton of cash for it. Oh, for years, people have been trying to buy it.
And I'm like, "No, it's mine. Forget it. " Just because I'm an idiot. But I'm holding on to it.
And so, we have a new guy, and the employees decided to play a joke on me with Aaron. Aaron Ellerman. And sell it, quote unquote sell it for $12 to Aaron. Thank you, Gary.
So Aaron was trying to get me to initiate and be angry before the dojo. Oh, is that what it was for? Yes. " And I didn't engage until later when I saw a picture of it in his car.
" He might have one. No, it was, it was this one. Oh, they take it out and take the picture and bring it back in? Yeah, it was definitely this one.
" And not only did he sell it, he sold it for $12. $12. So, that post made it on the craft board, on the Facebook page, and yet my phone lit up. With everybody.
Oh, people were still posting about it this morning. For the weekend. " You were gonna sell that for $12. Did that really happen?
Because, you know, I've asked you about that a bunch of times. Like, I got that a ton. " And, you know, it was obviously a joke. It was obviously a joke.
I like how now everybody is trying to fuck with you. Yeah, I mean, you know. He's a listener of the show, Aaron is, and also a customer of the shop. You know, I appreciate that, Aaron's cool, like, you know, that's all good, you know, that joke is fine, but there is, you know, rank here inside of the store, and, you know, I don't know if you want to mess with me if you work for me.
I'm not going to necessarily fire you. Well, it wasn't their idea. I know, but their life could be worse. And then you didn't mention it this morning during the meeting.
So I didn't know if you knew if you figured it out. I had already known when I posted it on the Slack. Oh. I already knew at that point.
Oh, I didn't know. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah.
I thought you might like cry or tears or... It wouldn't be... " No. I don't know.
None of that was gonna happen. But the femur joke was a good joke. It was a good joke. And nobody died, and the femur's still here, and it's still not for sale.
So, there you go. Okay, quick show update. We have added listeners in Morocco. Yes.
And the Netherlands. Still not Oregon, though. Touched a damn microphone. It's hard.
No, not Oregon. It's Wyoming. Wyoming. Still no listeners in Wyoming.
Only state in the... I mean, Casper Cigars, help us out. Because we've also added Alaska and Hawaii. So, I mean, we're out.
Well, my boy, Chris Duque, is in Hawaii. Do we know anybody in Wyoming? And Michael Kissel, Kissel, or something like that, there's a couple of good dudes, in Alaska, no, we added Alaskan-Wyoming also this week, crushing it, still no Wyoming, I don't think they have YouTube in Wyoming, I don't think they have a population, nobody lives there, nobody lives in Wyoming, okay, a little bit of news, you know what, the next time we send out an order, if it says Wyoming, we'll write, because we always write, thank you for your business, when it comes to Wyoming, we'll say, please listen to a Cigar Hustler podcast. One time.
We just need the one because then the country will be entirely part of the Cigar Hustler Nation, which is going to be a thing, Cigar Hustler Nation. Cigar Hustler Nation. We're a movement. Like the Bachelor, the Bachelor Nation.
Like a Bachelor Nation, only no roses are involved. Cigars. There are roses in Bachelor, right? Cigars.
I don't know. I don't watch that show. Well, we do, but this was the lowest rated season ever, and even my wife and Megan stopped watching it. Wow.
That's how you know it's bad. Yikes. Okay. A little industry news.
Mm. And actually, it's a lot of industry. Well, it's one story, but a lot of information. Hey, before you get into that, let me say a couple other things about the dojo with the words.
Go ahead. Because... Go ahead. I mean, I felt like there was a little backlash when I said Mike DeMille man's vasectomy.
I don't know if he's had a vasectomy or not, but I had to incorporate that 'cause that was a word. Um... Who's backlash? He doesn't listen to the dojo.
No, but like, I don't know. Your wife. " So... Oh, you know what?
I've had one you could have thrown me in. Yeah, look, a lot of that was off the cuff. I'm looking at the words. I just put stuff together.
I mean, I had to use Fandango, parlayed that into me going to the movies, you know, I mean... " or whatever. Oh, yeah, so, I mean... Yeah, there's a delay from the live shot to what's broadcast.
So we had like a whole operation on the side over here. Right off his camera view. And I could have handled that. The problem that I couldn't handle is there was like three different screens.
Well, we were trying to watch so we knew when to run out. Right, I get that. Yeah, not knowing that you were picking up in your head the audio. Yeah, I was getting volume on there and there was a delay and it was driving me fucking nuts.
You would talk here and then you would hear, you would talk here over there. Yeah, so I'm just like – I'm trying to not be distracted, and I felt like Christian Bale on Terminator when he loses his shit. Did you ever hear that video? He was like, oh, good for you.
I was like, man. I was like – so I'm trying to text you. I'm like, dude, just turn it down, turn it down. And nobody was doing anything.
Turn it down. No response. So then I'm like, well, fuck it. I'm going to have to – There's a delay in the text message still.
I'm going to have to – I got it after the fact. Yeah, so since there was no response, I had to fucking pull the button and said, "Hey, can you guys turn this shit down? " That's awesome! We started whispering at that point.
Oh, well, you know, you guys were a little inebriated at that point as well, especially him. It was the straw, I put a straw in his scotch so we could drink it in a dinosaur suit, and that just sent him right over the top, evidently. But the dinosaur just appearing was absolutely epic, so I can't wait till the next interview. I've already got an idea of something that we're going to do.
You're going to start working on some stuff? Yeah, yeah. I can't wait, you know, just the, you know, the props in the back, like everybody has, like, here's what came from that, why that kind of happened. Everybody has different brand names behind them and stuff like that, and that's cute.
And then Charlie Minato of Half Wheel has these beautiful colors, this whole little setup, and I'm like, you know, we need to take it to the next level. So, we threw some skits out there. We started looking for just something weird to be behind. Right, yeah, we were gonna do like a dinosaur background.
We looked at party things, and I was like, you know what, why don't we just run some skits in the back? And it'll be entertaining, and it'll be funny, and it'll be different, because nobody's done anything like that. It's all, it's like, just everybody's so goddamn serious in this industry. It's like, my cigars are the best.
We would like to challenge everyone to try to do better. Yeah, so step up your game. Step up your game. Everybody can be doing better.
You can all be doing better. According to Michael. Absolutely. Yes.
We strive, you know, look, I'm gonna grab this goddamn cigar industry and turn it around. There's going to be 100% smokers in the entire nation. We're going to have to get Drew to come to IPCPR next year and walk around in the dinosaur suit. I need cigars to be socially acceptable across the board.
And a Powstanie t-shirt. That's it. Powstanie shirt on the outside. On the outside.
Oh yeah, that would be great. Drunk, because he'll stay in it longer. How is he going to unzip? Because it's in the front.
Oh, Velcro. We'll Velcro the shirt. We'll have to attach a straw so that we can like hook him up. We can feed him.
Keep them boozed up, and then just running around, IPCPR. A pipe type thing for the cigars, smoking this side, and scotch on the other side. Don't worry, they'll be back, we'll put the costumes on here, we were going to put them on today, but I forgot. We forgot.
We do have the hat, though. The hat is epic. The hat. Okay, now can I do the news?
Yeah, go ahead. Okay. So anyways, I wanna, no, I'm just kidding. Go ahead.
No, we're done, that's it, show's over. Alright, that was episode 81 of a cigar house. You're shutting down on me? Don't do something on me.
Yes, I'm leaving. That's it. I'm done. Hey, that's my line.
You can't even shut it down from over there. Hey! Great, nothing will ever work again. Okay, reported from Lutz, Florida, the company that is shuttering, which makes no sense, that is shuttering, Thompson Cigar, shutting down, maybe it's supposed to be, that is shutting down Tampa Cigar, is proposing a new retail location in Pasco County, under its Cigar International brand.
And evidently, the sentence continues on the next page. Nice. So, Bethlehem Shared Services proposing a 9,500-square-foot stand-alone store within the Cypress Creek Town Center retail hub near the Interstate 75 and State Road 56 interchange in central Pasco County. S.
that opened its new 6,000-square-foot store in the Dallas area last year. Its three other stores are in Pennsylvania. So the company that bought Thompson and shut Thompson down has announced their location in Pasco County at the Cypress Creek Townsendor Retail Hub, which I think is an outlet mall, from what I've heard. I mean, I don't think that that's a bad idea.
That's probably really smart. You know, there's probably a lot of foot traffic. I would imagine. They sell a lot of cigars.
Cigars International, known mostly for its internet and catalog business, is owned by Scandinavian Tobacco Group of Denmark. Same company that acquired Thompson Cigar in 2018 for $62 million. American? American money!
Wow. Earlier this year, the company announced it would close Thompson's Outlet Store in the University of Virginia Center just north of Tampa International Airport and lay off 112 workers, oh crap, by the end of the year. We gotta be worth at least $62 million at this point. Easy.
Easy. Well, if you add the four businesses together. Yeah. Maybe $62.
Not counting the podcast, because now we're huge, we're still number two on Podbean. Don't worry. We're number 15 on iTunes, which doesn't make any sense. Yeah.
But anyway, we're closing the gap on the Cigar Authority. I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, Apple, please don't mess with my phone. So we're closing the gap. We're closing the gap.
Yeah. 7 thousand listeners. Right. 8.
Oh, so we're less than 1,000. Oh, that's right, that's less than 1,000. We're coming. Cigar Authority, we're coming for you.
David Garofalo, you're done. I will not be happy until we have the number one cigar-related podcast on Podbean. Me too, we don't even talk about cigars, it's going to be great. That's right.
Company wanted to also capitalize on Thompson's successful retail operation in Tampa. Have you ever been to that thing, Thompson's in Tampa? No. I didn't particularly care for it.
Yeah? Well, it's gone now, so. Well, that's true. That's true.
It's in the lobby of their... Stop touching the goddamn microphone. Look, I've strategically placed it so that I can... Now we're on delay.
That's what you did before. You put us on delay. We're not on delay. No.
But you got a little break. You got to do the whole femur thing. Yes. It worked out well.
In the end, it always works out. The Deuce Store's gonna need 30 to 35 people, and the 112 has for a shot. So, if you were laid off, quickly get your resume together, 'cause they only have 35 people they're gonna hire. Yeah.
Knife fight to the death. Oh, that would be nice. Yeah, aggressive expansion. 4 acres on the Creek Grassway, southeastern side of the Cypress Creek Town Center retail complex, near the existing Longhorn Steakhouse Restaurant.
Which is exciting, you can get a steak. East of Tampa, Premium Mall outlets. Will there be some form of water slide as well, or no? I don't believe so.
The Texas store is marketed as a destination featuring more than 1,300 cigar brands. Do they have any of your brands? No, they don't. Did they not watch Dojo for the top 11 brands everyone should be excited about?
Yeah. All the ones you make money on. You gotta see the top that are in here, too, that's pretty cool. Tobacco Magazine?
Oh, we can do that next week. We'll get a cease and desist letter. Full-service bar and indoor lounge. How about we don't talk about that?
Pasco's store will include the same amenities plus a--oh, it's gonna be a conference room. Fire pits. Fire pit? It says pits.
Fire pits. Plural, more than one fire pit. But no slide. Still no slide.
What about like a fire pole? Like, second story down to the first. Grab your box. The conference room is available for parties.
Like balloons and shit? A large outdoor patio. Will there be a clown? Can we get a clown?
We have not discussed. What? The covered patio that is now at Cigar Hustler. It's always been here.
I know, but now it's been advertised that it's here. People know. Oh. There's motion at my front door.
Somebody bring it into your house. It's probably Amazon. I can't switch mine over because... Don't worry, I'll check mine.
If you could check mine from your phone, we have a problem. I can actually, would you like me? Yep, Amazon. Amazon and Ski Mask.
Okay, we are also starting a new thing this week, Listener of the Week. Ooh, Listener of the Week! Da-da-da-da! So what happens with the Listener of the Week, Michael?
I'm very excited. We just mentioned their name and they get a shout-out on the show. I don't know how we can pick a Listener of the Week each week. So here's the thing that you're doing, but it doesn't sound like you really...
I haven't thought this all through. We don't fact check. We don't plan. It's all by the seat of our ass here.
Well, we have to say that we do plan somewhat because, I mean, the dinosaur costume didn't just appear. That didn't happen on our show. That's true. We planned for other shows.
That's right. We're very well integrated. Let's see. How can they do it?
Okay, if you're... You can't really put up a picture of yourself listening to the show. I guess you can. I like that you really have no idea how to do this.
Nope, I can't. Do you have a name for this week? Oh yeah, this week it is Paul Brian Linderfelsner. Okay.
Uh, he happened to put up the, uh, show logo. Yeah? He binge-watched the show on his ten and a half hour trip to Myrtle Beach. He would like to thank us for filling the time because his wife and his four kids were driving him crazy.
That's very nice. I think that's how it should kind of be incorporated, like a, just like a personal... The best comment? Yeah, well, comment, or just, even if they reach out to you, say, "Hey, I want to be mentioned," something like that.
Something like that. Like a DM, or? Something like that. All right, well, we'll work on that.
Or if you work for a company that we'd like to be an ambassador of. Yeah. What? I can be bought, Michael, I'm sorry.
I can be bought. You were bought with four fucking cans. I was bought with four bangs. I mean, holy moly.
And a very nice letter. Yeah, very nice. Somebody's a man in charge of their social media and marketing. Yeah.
Who's in charge of sales? Evidently, not Ronnie. Ok. That's all I got.
You got anything else? No. I think that's all I have, too. Let me see here.
See? We don't plan. He's just flipping through his phone randomly. Is that all your show notes?
Those five things on your phone now? Yeah, that's all I got. I had 17 pages of stuff. That's why you're the producer.
You're amazing. You're supposed to be the unshared talent. You're supposed to bring the show. I did.
I talked about the vasectomy. I'm sure it works. I brought up the vasectomy. We talked about the winner.
Now I'm in charge of sponsorships and ad dollars. So if you would, everybody stop sending him direct messages about what you would want mentioned on the show and I could be bought. He can be bought. I could be bought with four cans of any type of beverage.
That's my price. Four cans of beverages. Four cans. So what if it's like Bush Light?
Four cans, I'll mention you on the show. And I will drink all. Even if it's Bush Light? I will drink all four cans at one time.
What about like Natty Ice? What's your natty ice? Oh, the pink lemonade one? No, no, this is your standard natty ice.
Four cans. Is there a natty ice light? Four cans. Because if it's natty ice light.
There is a natty ice light. That's just water. That's just water. So is that where you draw the line?
No. Four cans of water. I'll do that too. So now we're just gonna sit here and smoke for the next eight minutes and we have a 15 minute show.
I gotta relight this. Ooh! What? Oh my god!
I got something! He's got something. The clap. He's got the clap.
Hey, no, that's my brother. It's totally different. I'm going to be in New York and New Jersey this week. Because this show will go up tomorrow.
Yeah, so I'm going to be in New Jersey. I'm going to be in New Jersey on Thursday. I may do New Yorkish on Friday. Mr.
John, hold on. Yogurlite. Yogurlite. Yogurt.
Yogurt. Yogurlite. Yogurlite. It's not Jurgalette, so Jurgalite is more than happy to have you come to this day.
Yeah, so, you know, my New York crew, Nix de Grammin', Ray12, Ant, Antony Inked, let's do this. And yeah, so I'm gonna be at Mom's Cigar Warehouse on Saturday, not Friday, I'm gonna be there on Saturday. You fly out Thursday? Yeah, I'm gonna be in Jersey Thursday, maybe I do Philly on Friday.
Philly, you say? Maybe I could stop in Philly on Friday. It doesn't seem like it's on the way. It's like, they're all kind of the same.
It's like two hours away from Jersey. Oh, I don't know. So like... I'm not going.
I wasn't invited. Dude, book a flight. Let's go. Too late now.
You don't need an invite. I have things going on. Yes, I do. You know me.
" Would you like to come? Too late now. Why? What are you doing?
You only invited me on the air because... This is your official, formal invite. What's your normal invite? We have a party to go to at Mr.
Drew Carpenter's house on Saturday. Oh, yeah? What's the party? The, uh, Mikey's out of town.
We're all having a party. Oh. No, actually, really, he is having something, but he, you know, he likes to drink, so I'm not sure if it's really happening or not, but we'll find out. Perfect.
Then you can come. I can't come. So, yeah, I'm gonna be at Matul's Mom's Cigar Warehouse in Scarsdale, New York. Scarsdale, Arizona?
No, that's Scottsdale. Oh, you're right. Um, I think it starts at like 6:00 or something, but I'll be there, and that'll be fun. Okay, everybody who's going to-- They have a new lounge.
Now, who's interrupting who? I'm just taking cues from you, pal. Go ahead, fire, go ahead. Okay, we're looking for practical-- Really excited about the lounge.
Wow, that is really annoying, isn't it? Yeah, it's such a pain in the ass, isn't it? Oh! Oh!
Okay, we're looking for practical jokes. Oh, you broke it! You wish, buddy! I saw what button you pushed.
Hey, don't do that. That's not right. Yeah, I'll be quiet now. We're looking for practical jokes on Michael.
We're looking. You have touched something. We just had feedback. Practical jokes.
I told you not to touch things. Practical jokes on me. You're looking to pull practical jokes on me. Oh, yes, but we need video of Michael doing stupid things, photos that are embarrassing for him.
Nice. If people would like to follow them into the bathroom and take photos, those are always good. Workout photos, oh we would love some workout photos. I don't post workout photos.
If you've already said where you're going, there'll be somebody staying there. Mr. Rosales, are you guys staying at the same hotel? If so, workout photos of my boy there, that'd be nice.
No, see, you gotta understand, Michael and I, we're tight, man. We're fam, so he wouldn't throw me under the bus. Oh, so I'm not family now, is that what you're trying to say? I'm saying that you're starting to draw that wedge, buddy.
It's not me. I'm trying to further your career. Oh, by sending out stupid pictures of me and stupid videos. What do you think we have built this whole show on?
Me being an idiot. No, me making you look like an idiot. Oh, perfect. There's a difference.
Oh, thank you so much. So epic. And if it only works, other shows are trying to hire me. It's true.
Sensei wants me to come make him look like an idiot, too, apparently. You're a rock star. No, I'm going to interrupt you. Stop talking.
Stop talking over there. This is my show now. " Sex tape. He makes people famous.
I stole that from a movie. Tango and Cash? No. Tango and Cash?
Mango and Mash, the sequel? " I have no idea what that is. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm sure you don't.
We're just rambling now. Yeah, that's it. I think we should call it at this point. I think so too, because we completely lost control.
So hey, New York, possibly Philadelphia. He's on the way. Possibly Philadelphia. Lock up your wives and your cigars and your alcohol, he's coming.
Hide your wives. Isn't that a line for a movie? Hide your... Maybe I do Philadelphia first, Thursday.
Where do you fly into? Jersey. Okay. Can you fly out of Jersey?
Jersey Friday. You in and out of the same place? Yeah, and then New York Saturday. You can really do anything you want as long as you're back at Matuls on Saturday.
Yeah. Because you have nothing planned. Nothing. Except going on Matuls.
On Saturday. Yeah. Saturday night. Mom's Warehouse.
Yep. What's the address? I have no idea. You guys all have these little devices in your hands called Google.
So, if we only had a small electronic device in our hand that had answers to every question. Right. Now let's turn this off. See you later.
All right, this is episode 81 of a Cigar Hustlers podcast, if we completely looked down. Oh, shit, now nothing works. Hello? Hello?
Can you hear me? Hello? It still works. What are you trying to find over there?
I'm just making sure lights are on. This has been a Cigar Hustlers podcast, a Mike and Mike production. m. for all new episodes.
I am doing, I'm who's still you raw? Yeah, we just don't have to do a single podcast ever again. Perfect. I'm good, Mike and Mike.
How are you guys doing? I don't even have to try it. We're gonna cover a lot of ground here, Mike. All right.
Try to keep up. That's a sign of a good podcast. It'd be like four cigars when I walked in the door. All right, end this.
SQUARED, SQUARED, SQUARED, SQUARED. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Thank you.
Closed Captioning, Closed Captioning, Closed Captioning, Closed Captioning. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Thank you.
Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada Thank you. *outro music*
Show Notes
my apologies on this weeks episode...tons of sound problems with the 1972 Apple Laptop....it ate part of the audio file for the first and second segments...I had to rebuild the audio from the video footage...so the quality isn't our usual standard or mediocre excellence....
We sit down and hear about Mikey's Birthday adventures at Universal Studios...some industry news and then we completely go over the Cigar Dojo appearance and how much fun it was!
If you haven't seen it go watch episode 205 of Cigar Dojo....you can't just hear it you have to see it to believe!!
As always we welcome your comments and suggestion on our FB page "A Cigar Hustlers Podcast". You can follow the show on IG @cigarhustlerspodcast, Mikey @cigarhustler and Mike Too @fcc_mike.
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